


The Promise

by coffee666



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cats, Childhood Friends, Complete, Falling In Love, Finished, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Innocent love, M/M, Masturbation, Mind Meld, Panic Attacks, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Vulcan Mind Melds, dubiously consensual hand holding, first time bed sharing, first time hand holding, non consensual mind meld, sarek isn't awful, subversion of common tropes, t'pring isnt awful, tattooed jim, tattooed spock, unironic scotty/keenser shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-03-27 08:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 207,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13877313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee666/pseuds/coffee666
Summary: As children, Jim and Spock promised they would get married when they grew up. Jim thought it was just a silly joke between kids.When they meet again upon the Enterprise, Spock still expects Jim to fulfill that promise.





	1. Chapter 1

_ I walked across an empty land _

_ I knew the pathway like the back of my hand _

_ I felt the earth beneath my feet _

_ Sat by the river, and it made me complete _

\- Keane, Somewhere only we know.

**PART ONE.**

Spock had never seen snow before. Of course, he'd seen holo-vids and seen pictures of it, but that hardly compared to the real thing. When Spock learned that his family's visit to the embassy on Earth would coincide with winter, Spock immediately purchased a new notebook in which to put down all of his research on snow, as well as on any other unfamiliar thing he encountered. And there would be a lot.

"Will there be cows?" Spock asked as he sat on his bed and watched his mother pack his clothes.

"Cows?" Amanda packed Spock's socks by rolling them into tiny balls. "Why do you ask?"

"I have only seen photos, and they look fascinating." Spock said. "Did you know the primary form of milk Humans drink comes from cows?"

"Yes, I did." She seemed amused. "But cows are usually on farms, and farms are in the country. San Francisco is a very big city. I'm afraid you won't see any cows."

"Oh." Spock was slightly upset, but pushed past it. After all, there were many other things to observe. "Will there be any snails?"

"Oh, I don't know." Amanda laughed as she shoved what looked like a hundred pairs of underwear in Spock's suitcase. "Why?"

"They seem fascinating." Spock said. "They carry their homes on their backs."

"They do." She smiled. "But I'm not so sure. Snails come out after it rains in the summer, and I think snow is too cold for them to survive. I think," She reiterated, "Only because I've never thought to look for one before, so I'm not sure of their patterns."

"I see." Spock hid his disappointment. For a human born and raised on Earth, his mother was not very good at answering his questions about it.

"Spock." Sarek, his father, appeared in the doorway of his bedroom. I-Chaya was at his heels, lumbering slowly. "Are you distracting your mother from her duties with your questions?"

"No, Father." Spock said, getting up from his bed and proceeding to help by packing some of his books. "I was only gathering information I will need for my research on Earth."

"You will be researching?" Sarek almost looked amused. "Though I doubt a child your age could deduce more from the planet than any of the past Terran scientists, I still encourage you to try. This will build a solid foundation for your future career."

"My career." Spock's eyes widened in awe as he looked down at one of his favorite science books. He imagined his own name in place of the author's.

"Sarek, should he really be worried about a career at his age?" Amanda asked as she tried to rearrange Spock's clothes so that his books would fit. "He's only eight years old."

"Yes, I do." said Sarek. "One cannot ever begin too early, and I am pleased that Spock is already certain of what he wants to do in the future."

Pleased.

Sarek was pleased with Spock's scientific ambition.

Spock felt his chest well with pride and color rise in his face. 

His father was hardly pleased with anything, especially after Spock's... incident. He tried not to think of the fight he had in school, or his horrible failure that had caused it. Instead, he thought of how pleased his father would be with his completed research notebook once they returned to Vulcan.

"Is I-Chaya coming with us?" Spock asked as he wrapped his arms around the animal's neck. They did not go all the way around, but provided nice leverage in which to press his face into the fur. That was guilty pleasure of his.

"No." said Sarek. "I-Chaya is a pet, and pets have no place in ambassadorial work. He will stay in sehlat kennel for the duration of our trip.

"Oh." Spock found that this trip was starting with many more disappointments than he would have hoped.

"Spock, do you really need four volumes on African animals? We are not going to Africa." Amanda sighed in annoyance.

"Can you at least fit my volumes on North American animals?" Spock asked. "What if we see a wolf? Father," he turned to Sarek. "Perhaps we should take I-Chaya with us. He can defend us against a wolf."

"No, Spock. I have had my final word on it. Furthermore, there are no wolves in the city."

"And I-Chaya is too old to defend us against anything." Amanda chuckled as she struggled to zip Spock's case. "He's older than you are. He's even got grey on his muzzle!"

"Does he?" Spock examined the sehlat closer. He'd never noticed before. Still, it wasn't as if he spent much time studying their sehlat, as he'd already learned everything about sehlats that he could by the time that he was four. Vulcan animals did not have much variety or excitement. Terran animals did.

"Alright, that's it." Amanda sighed in defeat. "Spock, please narrow it down to two books total for the trip."

"Two?" Spock was almost outraged. "All of my books come in volumes of four or more. I cannot bring an incomplete set. That is denying me sufficient knowledge."

"Oh, Spock." Amanda looked so weary as she sighed and rubbed her head. "Sarek, why don't you give it to him now? It'll save us from having to hear Spock's heartache."

"Give me what?" Spock asked, looking up at his father.

"We have a gift we would like to give to you." said Sarek.

"Gift?" Giving gifts was not something Sarek did. Even when he brought Spock back things from his trips to Earth, he always emphasis that they were to aid in his pursuit of knowledge. That meant they did not count as gifts.

His understanding was that a gift was given for no real reason other than that you cared about someone and wanted them to have something nice. Spock did not know what to do with that knowledge. They wanted him to have something nice.

"Yes." Sarek reached into his coat pocket. "I planned on giving this to you on the shuttle ride, but perhaps now would be best."

"There's no time like the...present." Amanda laughed to herself as Sarek handed Spock something covered in decorative paper.

"The wrapping is only customary when giving a gift." Sarek explained. "Though, quite illogical as it is meant to be torn off."

"If you don't tear the paper, I'll keep it and save it for you." said Amanda.

Spock nodded and carefully began to unwrap it, inching his nails under the tape and peeling gently. Finally, it was revealed that the flat object was not a book, but a PADD.

"My... own?" Spock's eyes widened in awe once more. Before, he always stuck to paper when doing his research or reading books, and the only electronics he used were computers at school or the one in his father's study. Even the PADD his kept his school work on technically belonged to the school, and was locked so that it only allowed pre-approved material.

"Yes." Sarek nodded. "You can put anything you want on it. You can put as many books as you desire, and even upload your own research to it for your mother and I to read."

"Much more room than a suitcase." Amanda winked at him.

Spock politely thanked his father with a nod and endured his mother's hug, before finishing his packing. Finally, it was time to leave and take I-Chaya to the kennel and head to the shuttle station. Spock wordlessly waved to the sehlat as they left it in the care of the kennel owners. Though Spock longed to hug him instead, he did not want to seem foolish in front of his father and the other Vulcans.

On the shuttle, Spock occupied himself with scrolling around on his PADD and reading from many of the books he'd loaded on there. He looked over at his parents. His mother was snoring softly, her head resting against the window. His father was also reading, though one of his hands was gently holding Amanda's. Spock felt another pang of emotion as he remembered the incident from months ago.

He decided to try meditating. He put his PADD back in his bag and drew his feet up on his seat and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and focused on what he could sense on the outside; the sounds of the engine, his mother snoring, a creaking he could not place. He then focused on the senses in his body; his breathing, the beating of his heart, the feel of his travel robes against his skin, and how the back was slightly frayed from the way it got stepped on under the heel of his boot.

Soon, those things did not matter. He couldn't sense any of them. Just the inside of his mind. It was like its own world. Bright and blue. He never realized before how much his head-space on a good day looked and felt like the way the Terran sky looked on its good days.

As they arrived on Earth, Spock realized it was one of those days.

"Look at the sky." Spock pressed his palms to the cold shuttle window. "Look at the snow."

"Snow?" Sarek stood over Spock's shoulder. "How inconvenient. The weather report says this is the largest snowfall in San Francisco in thirty-six years. Vulcans were not built to withstand snow. What will happen to Spock?"

It had never occurred to Spock that he might not survive the trip from the station to the hotel. He suddenly felt a little afraid, and he was sure it was the uncertainty in his father's voice that did it. He looked over at his mother.

"Oh, Sarek, don't be such a worry wart. I brought these for Spock." She lifted one of her bags. "And for you too."

From Amanda's bag, the three of them bundle up in the strangest clothes Spock had ever seen. His coat had zippers down the front and layers of down inside. His gloves had only one section for all four of his fingers and one for his thumb. He actually liked it better this way. His had had flaps that covered his ears, slightly muffling the outside world. Finally, his mother wound a scarf around his face, across his mouth.

"Mmmph..." Spock's voice was muffled too.

"What?" Amanda pulled the scarf down a tad, freeing his mouth.

"I said that I am adequately warm. I should dress like this every day."

For some reason, that greatly amused Amanda. She laughed as they all stepped outside the station into the cold Earth winter.

It was so white and fluffy looking. Spock crouched down and prodded it with a finger. The snow crunched like hard ice. Fascinating.

“Spock.” He looked up to see his father showing his ambassadorial clearance badge to a taxi driver. “Get in.”

Spock left his snowy trek of five seconds behind as they rode to the hotel in a car. Once again, his dream of looking through the snow for snails was crushed as they went from the parking lot to the building under an awning. Spock deduced that such cold must really be dangerous for his and his father’s Vulcan physique.

"I must check in at the embassy. I will be back at dinner." Sarek said. Spock helped his mother unpack until he could no longer hear his father's footsteps in the hall.

"May I go outside?" Spock asked.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. It's so cold out there." Amanda said.

"Please?" Spock knew it was impolite to speak against his mother's word, but he would never again get the chance to experience snow, or possibly the Earth ever again.

"Oh, alright." She placed her hand on his head. "But come back in if you get cold. Here, let me bundle you up."

Re-bundled in his hat and scarf, Spock took the elevator back down stairs. He carefully pushed open the door and stepped out into the cold. It was so white, but it did not smell clean. The smell of dirt and human seemed to be everywhere on Earth. Even in their hotel room, which had been thoroughly cleaned before their arrival. Spock carefully walked around the side of the building, his feet sinking in the snow. He saw no signs of animals or people. Finally, he arrived around to the back. A fence separated the hotel property from some sort of structure. Spock leaned against the chain-link fence for a closer look.

It was a lot of metal equipment. Some of it resembled the exercising and climbing frames he used at school in physical education. Others were completely alien to him. One piece of equipment had a ladder on one side, and a shallow metal incline on the other.

Spock walked down the length of the fence until he found the gate. He opened it and approached the foot of the metal incline. Spock had a childhood of climbing sand dunes. This incline would be nothing compared to that. Spock climbed onto incline and began to move towards the top. With no rails and frost coating the metal, it was a lot harder than he'd anticipated. He slipped twice, but did not fall off.

He was just about to reach the top when a voice called out.

"Hey, kid! You're going up the wrong way."

Spock was startled, causing him to slip once more. He placed his hands down on the incline to steady himself and carefully turned around. Another boy around his age was standing at the bottom of the incline.

“The wrong way?” Spock recalled the ladder on the other side. Was that the way up. Well, then what was the point of the incline?

“Yeah, move, I’ll show you.”

Spock climbed off the incline and watched the boy go around the other side. He climbed up the ladder and sat down at the top of the slope. He then slid all the way down.

“Weee!” He was launched off the end, landing with a thud in the snow.

“Are you alright?” Spock asked, peering down at him.

“Yep. You go now.” He instructed.

Spock climbed up the ladder and slid down the slope just as the boy had done. After landing in the snow, it occurred to him that he forgot to say weee.

“Wee.” He said, sitting up. His coat and the snow had cushioned his fall, but still, he did not see the point of that.

The other boy laughed and stood up. He took off his wool hat to shake snow from it, and Spock saw that his hair was quite a light color. His skin was also slowly turning pink from the cold and the exertion. A human. Maybe he could help Spock find some wildlife.

“Yeah, the slide is kinda for babies, though. Let’s go on the swings instead.” He raced across the snowy ground towards another structure. Spock followed as best as he could.

The swings turned out to be plastic seats suspended from a bar by chains. The boy sat down on one. Spock sat down on the other.

“Do you need me to push you?” The boy asked.

“No, thank you.” Spock understood that kicking his feet was all he needed to get enough momentum to swing.

“Come on, you can go higher than that!” The other boy was already much higher than Spock thought was safe. “My brother says he managed to go all the way around the top once!”

“That does not sound possible.” Spock looked up at the bar they were hanging from. Certainly not physically possible.

“Ha! I knew he was full of it.” The boy laughed. “Watch this!”

Spock watched as the boy swung to the highest point and let go of the chains. The swing swung back, leaving the boy to flying through the air. Spock closed his eyes, preparing the hear the deafening crunch of bones breaking as the boy hit the ground. Instead, he heard the soft plop of a body in snow.

“Ta-da!” The boy called from a way away. “I’m okay!”

“That seems dangerous.” Spock dragged his feet on the ground to stop the swing before getting off.

“Don’t be a baby.” The boy scoffed.

Spock did not understand what was so bad about being an infant, but the boy had already mentioned it twice in a derogatory way. Spock vowed to himself not to do anything babyish, or else the boy might not help him.

“Do you live around here?” Spock asked.

“No.” The boy began running towards the climbing frame, and Spock tried to keep up. “I live in Iowa. My family is just here visiting my Uncle Pike. Can you believe this snow? It’s never like this when I’m here!”

He climbed to the top and Spock followed. This was quite easy. The boy sat at the top. Spock grabbed a bar near the top and began pulling himself up so his chin was above the bar. It was the same exercises he did at school. At school, his record was only thirty. He was not the best in his class, but he was not the worst either.

“Woah! You’re good at those!” The other boy sounded shocked. “I can only do ten.”

He dropped down and began doing pull-ups as well. Spock could see signs of exertion in his pink face seconds before he dropped to the ground.

“Eight.” Spock said, letting go and dropping beside him. “You only did eight.”

“What are you, my gym teacher?” The boy scoffed. His face remained red, despite the cold air. “Whatever, let’s play a different game.”

Spock did not get a chance to ask about wildlife, as now, the boy was making a pile of snow. Spock dropped down to help, unsure what it was for.

“Okay.” The boy stood up. “This is the base. I’ll be the captain, and you be the Romulan.”

“I do not want to be the Romulan.” Spock suddenly felt offended.

“Okay, fine. I’ll be the Romulan. Go stand over there and close your eyes and count to a hundred. I’ll hide, and you have to find me and tag me before I get to the base, okay?”

Spock nodded and walked over to a nearby bush. He closed his eyes and counted. He could hear the boy dart left behind him, and the sound of the metal of the slide. Spock mentally mapped the area, and pinpoint the location, just as he finished counting.

He made a beeline for the slide and looked underneath. He found the boy crouched down. They locked eyes, and the boy immediately jumped at him, knocking him over. The two rolled in the snow, until Spock’s greater mass had him on top.

“Hey! How did you find me so fast?”

“I could hear you.” Spock said.

“Bullshit. Okay, you hide now. Get off!”

The boys spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between hiding and seeking. Spock realized the other boy got very mad if he was found too soon, so Spock occasionally looked somewhere else, even if he could hear the boy breathing somewhere nearby. Spock forgot all about his desire to see animals, as the sky grew darker.

Spock felt slower, more tired and cold as they played. As he chased the other boy, his feet felt heavy, and he stopped running and shivered.

“Hey, are you okay?” The boy dropped down from the climbing frame and ran back over.

“I am cold.” Spock said.

“Yeah, me too. Let’s go back in the hotel. My mom can make us some hot chocolate.”

“I would rather have tea.” Spock said as they walked towards the gate.

“Okay. Our hot chocolate is just powder anyways. It’s not that good.”

The hotel was so warm, that Spock felt the snow that had made its way into his coat melt away. He could also feel the feeling slowly returning to his fingers. The boy sat down in one of the lobby chairs and began pulling off his boots. Spock took off his hat and began to rub his numb ears.

“Woah! You’re an alien!” The boy raised his voice.

“You did not know?” Spock looked up, surprised. The boy was staring at his ears.

“No, I thought you were just weird.” He laughed. “What planet are you from? Vulcan?”

“Correct.”

“Yeah, I know the embassy is right around here, and I saw one of the ambassador guys in the news the other day.”

“That was my father.” Spock said. Sarek was often featured in articles about interplanetary relations.

“Spock.” Just then, Sarek walked into the lobby returning from his day at the embassy. “Were you outside?”

“Yes, Father.” Spock replied.

“Were you on your quest for finding cattle?” He asked with the seriousness that he might use with another adult, but Spock still felt a bit like he was being mocked. Perhaps because they both knew there were no cows here.

“Cows?” The boy chuckled. “If you wanna see cows, there’s like a million of them back at my house in Riverside. I can send you a picture of some.”

“A million?” Spock could not fathom that many of the gentle creature. “I would like to see that.”

“Spock, come upstairs now. We are going to have dinner.” Sarek started towards the elevator.

“Yes, Father.” Spock said.

“What room are you in?” The boy asked. “I’ll come get you tomorrow and we can go back to the playground.”

“We are in 408.” Spock said, dragging his feet on the way to the elevator to extend their conversation.

“Cool. We’re in 510. I’ll see you tomorrow. My name’s Jim, by the way. Jim Kirk.”

“I am S'chn T'gai Spock.” Spock said as he stepped into the elevator beside his father and the doors began to close. At the last moment, Spock recalled it was customary to greet someone with the ta’al. He held it up for Jim, but realized his mitten kept it from being seen.

The last thing Spock saw before the doors closed was Jim waving in return.

“No wonder you’re so hungry, you never came up for a snack today.” Amanda said as Spock got a second bowl of plomeek soup. It was replicated from the hotel’s kitchen, but Spock was too hungry to tell.

“I was at the playground researching.” Spock said as he paused to blow on his soup. “Human behavior is very odd.”

“Who says we’re odd?” Amanda asked, surprised.

“Spock saw a human child outside today.” Sarek explained. “The son of Captain George Kirk.”

“Do you know his father?” Spock asked.

“No, but I have met his mother. Winona Kirk is a Starfleet officer, and she occasionally visits the embassy. I have also seen the memorial nearby for his father, which is how I recognized him. They look remarkably alike.”

Memorial. That must mean his father was dead. Spock could not imagine that. Not only would there be a physical absence without one of his parents, but a mental one as well. His mental link with his father would fade as he became more independent, but Spock was still certain it would be around for a few more years.

“Is he odd?” Amanda asked, an amused smile on her face.

“Yes. He keeps referring to me as an infant when I do not behave the way he wants.” Spock sipped his soup.

“Oh, that’s just something humans say to try and control each other with shame. You see, it’s shameful to be thought of as a baby.”

“Why?”

“Because babies can’t do anything for themselves. And they cry all the time.” She explained.

“Oh.” Spock was still not sure he understood. “He also did not like that I was stronger than him.”

“Well, what did he like about you?” She asked. “There has to be something.”

Spock thought for a moment. “He liked it when he got to show me how to use the slide and the swings. And showing me the hiding game.”

“See, it’s because you’re a Vulcan, and you don’t know Earth well.” Amanda took his empty bowl to the sink. “He likes feeling smarter.”

“He is not smarter than me.” Spock felt offended that his mother would imply that.

“He is about Earth. You may have read books, but he is native here. That gives him an advantage. Not everything can be learned from books, Hun.”

Spock wondered if she was just biased towards Jim since they were both human, or if she actually had a point. He’d have to do more research to find out.

After dinner, Spock took a bath. The hot water was still not hot enough for his preferred temperature, but it helped him feel better. He hadn’t realized how damaging the cold had been to him. He’d have to be more careful tomorrow not to fall in it so much.

When he got out of the bath and dressed in his nightclothes, he opened the bathroom door to see most of the lights off in the room. His father was meditating, the soft glow from his firepot illuminated the room. He could see his mother laying on the bed she was sharing with his father. He could tell she was listening to one of her programs, as she was wearing his headphones.

Spock started tiptoeing towards the separate sleeping alcove that he was staying in as to not disturb his father. After all, he still needed to do his own meditation. His bare feet padded across the carpet in front of Sarek.

“Spock.” Sarek opened his eyes.

Spock froze, wondering if he somehow did something wrong. Sarek’s disappointed voice sounded a lot like every other voice, so it was sometimes hard to tell.

“…Yes?” Spock whispered, one foot still hovering mid-air.

“Would you like to meditate with me?”

Spock looked over at him in surprise. They had not meditated together in a long time. Spock usually spent his evenings working on school work, and their schedules just did not allow for it.

Spock nodded and sat down cross-legged in front of his father. The firepot between them casted a golden glow on them, and Spock still felt very warm inside. This time when he closed his eyes and focused, his headspace was a matching golden color.

The next morning, it was barely after sunrise when Jim knocked on their hotel room door. He was already dressed in his boots and coat and seemed annoyed that Spock was still eating breakfast.

“Come on, before some other kids take the swings.” He whined.

“I cannot go out without sufficient nutrients.” Spock said between bites of oatmeal. His father had already left for work, and his mother was in the kitchen making tea in a thermos for him to take out.

“Ugh, you eat so slowwww.” He sat down at the table across from Spock and waited.

“Jim, would you like some oatmeal or fruit?” Amanda asked.

“Yes, please.” He seemed to perk up.

Now, he did not complain about Spock’s slowness as they ate together. Afterwards, Spock got his backpack and put his notebook and thermos inside. He then began looking for his thickest pairs of socks and his boots.

“Come on….” Jim waited by the door, shifting from foot to foot.

“Alright.” Spock finished getting ready and stood up. He could barely say goodbye to his mother, before Jim was grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out the door and down the hall.

The snow was melted a bit, and was more like slush as they walked to the playground. Instead of walking down to the gate, Jim climbed over the fence and landed roughly on the wet ground. Spock climbed over and landed nimbly on his feet.

“Okay, you were the last one it yesterday, so I’m it today. Go hide.”

“What about base?” Spock asked, approaching the site of yesterday’s snow pile. It was gone completely.

“Uh, let’s just use the top of the jungle gym.” He said, eager to get on with the game. He covered his eyes and began counting just as Spock began searching for a spot.

It seemed that they had already used every hiding spot in the playground at least twice. Spock recalled that it had taken Jim the longest to find him when he’d been behind some bushes at the far end. He started over there, taking note of his much of the ground was now exposed. He walked right over an expanse of sand he hadn’t seen the day before. It was contained in a shallow wooden box, and Spock could see something sticking out of it.

Spock reached down and pulled out a plastic bulldozer. From the other side, he could hear Jim rounding thirty.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Jim shouted, before taking off in Spock’s direction. He seemed to forget about tagging Spock as he came closer. “Cool! Where did you find that?”

“In the sand.” Spock said.

“Someone must have left it here before it snowed.” Jim took the toy from Spock and turned it over. Wet sand poured out from inside. “Well, it’s ours now!”

“It is?” Spock asked.

“Yeah. Finders keepers. Duh.” Jim sat down and began pushing the toy through the sand.

“When someone loses something, whoever finds it now owns it? That is how it works on Earth?” Spock could not understand how that was fair.

“Yep.” Jim seemed to be enthralled with moving the toy through the sand.

Spock walked over to the climbing frame and climbed to the top. He sat down on top and got out his notebook.

_ “Research subject Jim Kirk seems to have a short attention span. He also seems to become emotional very easily. This is most notable when he is not winning at a game or competition.” _

“What are you writing?”

Spock looked up to see Jim climbing up beside him. The toy laid abandoned down on the ground nearby.

“I am writing about Earth.” Spock said. Jim sat beside him and looked over at the page.

“Hey, that’s about me!” He exclaimed. “I do not get emotional! I can’t believe you’re writing mean stuff about me.”

Spock had not meant for any of his research to sound mean. He was only writing what he observed. He looked over at Jim, who seemed to be glaring at him. Spock found he did not like that. He began to write something else.

“Jim Kirk is exceptional at adapting to most situations. He is very knowledgeable about…” Spock thought for a moment. “games.”

“Games? That’s what I’m good at?” Jim scoffed, still reading over his shoulder. “You forgot about how fast and strong I am.”

Spock did not point out that he was in fact faster and stronger than Jim.

_ “The subject considers himself fast and strong.” _

“I feel like you’re mocking me.” Jim scowled. “I bet—” He stopped and looked out into the distance. “Oh no.”

Spock looked up. At the other end of the playground, the gate opened and two boys walked in. They looked to be several years older.

“What is wrong?” Spock asked, but Jim didn’t answer. He just looked down to wear one of the boys picked up the bulldozer.

“Hey!” Jim yelled. “That’s mine!” He dropped down onto the ground.

Spock quickly put his notes away and did the same.

“I don’t see your name on it.” The older boy said.

“I found it, so it’s mine.” Jim said. Spock did not say that it was technically he who found it. He just watched at Jim began to show signs of fear. Spock wanted to write this down.

“What are you looking at?” The other older boy looked over at Spock.

“You.” Spock answered honestly.

“What?!” The boy took a threatening step towards Spock. Spock did not flinch.

“Gimme that!” Jim made a grab for the toy, but the older boy held it out of reach.

“Why should I? Finders keepers.” He grinned.

“But I had it first.” Jim growled.

Spock did not point out that Jim was not the toy’s original owner, for now the boys seemed to find entertainment with tossing the toy back and forth over Jim’s head. No matter how high Jim jumped, the toy was just out of reach. The older boys howled with laughter.

Spock walked in between them and jumped. Despite the difference in Earth and Vulcan’s gravity, Spock was able to jump high enough to catch the toy.

“Hey!” One of the boys made a grab for it. Spock turned just as the other lunged as well.

The toy fell to the ground as both boys grabbed at Spock’s arms. Spock was suddenly back at school, when Stonn and the other Vulcan boys in his class were crowding him. This was just after the incident. They’d found Spock and T’Pring alone after their ceremony and decided to attack Spock for taking her away from Stonn. None of them even listened as Spock tried to explain that their bonding was not successful.

As Spock fought back against the bullies, he could see Jim’s face worryingly amongst the blur just as he’d seen T’Pring’s. Unlike her, choosing to not take part for either side, Jim jumped in. Spock felt someone’s fist connect with his face, and he stumbled back.

He felt the plastic toy break under his foot just as someone else swung at him. Spock ducked, and turned to see one of the boys holding Jim around the neck. Spock lunged at him and jumped on his back, wrapping his own arms around his neck.

“Let go of him.” Spock growled in his ear. The boy let go and reached back to grab Spock. Spock let go of his neck and fell to the ground.

“Hey! Hey! Get out of here!”

Spock heard another boy’s voice enter the mix. Spock looked up to see another boy, older than all of them. He kicked at the two bullies until they scrambled up and ran towards the gate.

“Jim, you okay?” The boy asked, bending down towards Jim.

“I’m fine.” He snapped, standing up. He was bleeding from the lip, and seemed to be crying as well.

“You don’t look fine. You’re both bleeding.”

“I said I’m fine, Sam.” Jim snapped.

Spock lifted a mitten-clad hand to his lip and saw green blood stain the fabric. Immediately his heart began pounding.

“Come inside. Mom can patch you up.” Sam said.

“I can fix myself up.” Jim pressed his hand to his face and left it. He then caught site of the broken toy on the ground. “Aw, man. It’s broken!”

“Is that what you were fighting over?” Sam crossed his arms. “Some stupid toy?”

“It was mine.” Jim growled.

“No, it was not.” Spock spoke up for the first time. “You should have just let them take it.”

“Shut up!” Jim’s face was red, and his cheeks were stained with tears. “I found it.”

“I was the one who found it.” Spock pointed out.

“Then take it!” Jim picked it up and threw it at Spock’s head. It missed drastically and landed in the snow.

“Don’t be a baby.” Sam rolled his eyes. Even Spock knew that was the wrong thing to say. Jim swung his fist at his brother, but Sam grabbed his wrist. “Cut it out.”

“Shut up!” He growled again, kicking against Sam. “I hate you! I hate both of you.”

Spock had never seen such a display of emotion in all his life. Despite this, he did not think anything less of Jim. He was just very confused.

“Cut it out.” Sam tugged at Jim’s wrist. Jim fell limp against Sam, finally too tired to fight back. “Come on. Mom can give you a bandage.”

Spock watched as they walked towards the gate, Jim dragging his feet behind Sam, who still held his arm. Spock could feel the blood trickling down his face and his heart racing as he just stood there. Without Jim there, the wind suddenly felt colder.

Spock waited until he was sure he would not run into them, before he walked back to the hotel. He still felt cold inside, despite the heating as he took the elevator up to the fourth floor.

“What happened?” Amanda gasped when she saw Spock’s face. Spock thought for a moment as she got a wet rag for his face.

“I…do not know. I am not entirely sure.” Spock did not flinch as she pressed the cloth to his face. He considered putting this in his research, but he was not sure what he would say, as he did not understand what had happened.

“Do you wanna tell me?” She asked, giving him a smile.

She did have an understanding about humans that he didn’t, and he did feel a strange nagging to understand why Jim had said what he did. So, Spock relayed the entire incident to her, telling her about the toy and the bullies who had hit them, and finally about how Jim’s brother had chased them away.

“I do not understand why they all felt the need to resort to violence.” Spock finished, taking the cloth away from his face and looking to see how much blood there was on it.

“That’s just how humans are sometimes.” She sighed. “Did you fight back?”

“Only in self-defense. I have only ever fought in self-defense.” He said, knowing she was recalling the incident.

“I know.” She said. “I think those boys wanted a fight, because they thought they could win. They’d feel stronger.”

“By beating up younger children?” Spock asked. “How illogical.”

“Yes. I also think Jim was upset that he was being picked on in front of you. He was embarrassed.”

Spock was grateful he had her to explain human emotion to him, but he was still not sure he completely understood it all. The rest of the week would be quite boring with no one to research with.

“I did not even get a chance to ask him about his cows.” Spock sighed.

“Well, you can ask him tomorrow.” She said brightly.

“But he is not my friend anymore.” Spock wondered how she could have missed that key element to the story. “He said he hated me.”

“Oh, I’m sure he didn’t mean it. The thing about humans is, they’re emotionally charged. When they get upset, they say things they don’t mean. He’ll cool down, and I’m sure he’ll want to play with you again.” She smoothed his hair.

“You seem to be an expert on human behavior.” Spock noted. He’d never realized before, likely because she was the only human he’d ever known.

“Well, being married to a Vulcan and living there for so long has given me a lot of time to reflect on how and why my instinct is to act a certain way. I also studied a bit of psychology in college.”

Spock decided that perhaps he would show his mother his research on humans once he completed it. After all, it would be a chance to have an expert in the field give him feedback.

Spock spent the rest of the day reading books on his PADD. His father came home and greeted Spock as usual. He had to have noticed the bruise of Spock’s lip, but he did not comment on it. Spock was grateful of that.

After dinner, Spock tried to take as long as possible in the bath so that his father would already be done meditating. He waited until his fingers were wrinkly and the water was cold, before he got out.

Still, as he opened the bathroom door, he saw his father meditating by the window. They made eye contact by the dim light of the firepot.

“Spock, have a seat.” He said. Spock did so, knowing that was not a suggestion.

“Your mother told me what happened to you today. How are you?” There were hints of concern in his voice, as well as in their mental link. Spock was a little surprised to be able to sense it so clearly.

“I am fine.” Spock said. It was not a lie, as he did feel fine physically. He wasn’t bleeding anymore, at least.

“And Jim?” Sarek prompted.

“I…do not know. Mother says he will be alright once his emotions recede and he has time to cool off.”

“Do you wish to continue to see him?”

“Yes.” Spock was surprised at how easily the answer came to him. Despite how emotional he was, Spock found he’d quite enjoyed their time together yesterday.

Sarek gave a slight nod before closing his eyes again. “Would you like to meditate with me?”

It would be easy to decline, but Spock realized he did want to. He closed his eyes and relaxed as best he could. Despite feeling his father’s link clearly, as well as his mother’s, he found he could not completely enter a peaceful head-space. The warm gold from yesterday was gone, and the best he could get was pale grey like storm clouds.

Spock was eating breakfast the next morning when someone knocked on the door. Amanda looked through the peephole and smiled before opening the door.

“Hello, Jim.”

“Hi.” Jim stood in the doorway with a towel around his shoulders. “Can Spock come to the pool with me?”

“It is much too cold to swim.” Spock said from the table.

“It’s heated indoors, you dork.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, it’s fun.”

Spock looked at his mother, silently praising her on her accurate prediction of human behavior. She winked at him.

“Alright.” Spock took his dishes to the sink and went to his suitcase. “Though, I do not have a swimsuit.”

“You can borrow one of mine. Let’s go before all the old people get there.”

“Here, Hun.” Amanda handed him one of the fluffy white towels from the bathroom. “Be back before dinner.”

That gave Spock all day for research, but he forgot to bring his notebook before they left. Spock waited as they walked down the hall, but Jim said nothing about yesterday. Not even after Jim darted back into his own hotel room for a swimsuit for Spock did he mention it.

They went into the locker room by the pool, and as Jim tugged his shirt off, Spock tried to examine his face and neck for bruises.

“What?” Jim asked when he caught Spock staring.

“You are not bleeding anymore.” Spock said.

“Yeah, neither are you.” He averted his eyes, his bare chest reddening.

Spock finished changing and followed Jim out. On Vulcan, the swimsuits they all wore for physical education was full coverage with sleeves, unlike the one Jim gave him, which was just like large shorts. Though Vulcans had little qualms about nakedness, Spock still felt strange to be uncovered in front of someone else.

“Hey… I’m sorry about yesterday. That was so dumb.” Jim kept his eyes down on the tile floor.

“I thought you were going to avoid saying anything.” Apparently, Spock’s hypothesis on human behavior was wrong.

“Well, you looked like you wanted me to.” Jim sat down on the edge of the pool and put his feet in the water.

“Did I?” Spock followed suit and found the water was an acceptable temperature.

“Yeah, yesterday was dumb. But I wasn’t really mad about the toy.”

“I know.” Spock said. “You were upset that those other boys were trying to take your things. But you should know, they only wanted to fight you because they thought they could win. They wanted to feel stronger.”

“I know. And stupid Sam.” Jim splashed his feet roughly in the water. “He thought he was all that by chasing them away, and he only did it because he knew he’d win. It’s easy for him to save my butt against kids, but when it’s Frank, what does he do? Nothing! He just sits upstairs and lets it happen.”

“Who is Frank?”

“No one.” Jim sighed. “Besides, when we came here we left him behind, and Mom hasn’t mentioned him once. So, maybe they’re finally splitting up.”

Spock did not know what to say to this, so he decided to do the swimming warm ups they did in school. He floated on his back and stretched out his arms and legs.

“Have you ever seen the ocean?” Spock asked.

“Sure. Lots of times.” Jim swam in doggy paddle circles around him.

“Fascinating. Have you ever seen a whale?”

“Not in real life.” Jim tried to copy Spock’s floating. “They don’t have oceans on Vulcan?”

“No.”

“What do they have?”

“Sand.” Spock sighed.

He soon realized that Jim enjoyed answering his questions. He then recalled what his mother had said. Perhaps he liked answering them because it made if feel smarter. Spock also felt smart, as Jim asked many questions in return.

“How old are you?” Jim asked.

“Eight.”

“Me too! In a few weeks.” He floated on his back. “What grade are you in?”

“Grade?”

“In school. Like, I’m in second, but I could have moved to third already if I really wanted to.”

“Our classes do not go by grade, but by course level. I am currently in course level three.” He liked it much better than course level two.

“Do you have girlfriend?”

“A girlfriend?” Spock knew the term, but could not place it.

“Yeah. Like, I have like three girlfriends at school. On Mondays I hang out with Julie, then on Tuesdays I hold hands with Sarah, and Rita and I always swap lunch on Fridays. Do you have a girl like that?”

Spock remembered the darkness of the elder’s chambers as he sat across from T’Pring. It was deafeningly quiet, and he knew it was because they were supposed to be hearing each other. T’Pau connected them, and finally he could hear something, but it wasn’t in his head like it should be.

“What is going on? Is something wrong?” T’Pring opened her eyes and the elder pulled her hands away from them. Spock had never felt less Vulcan and more like a failure.

It was surpassed only moments later when T’Pau told him that he was unbondable. He still did not understand what compelled T’Pring to share the blame and tell Stonn that it was both of them that were incompatible. It didn’t stop the others from attacking him anyways.

“Spock? Hello?” Jim splashed his foot near Spock’s face.

Spock blinked. He was not in the chambers. He was floating in the pool. He took a few deep breathes and stood up, letting his feet touch the bottom.

“No. I do not have a girlfriend.” He said, staring down at the bottom of the pool and watching the way the water distorted the image of his feet.

“That’s cool. Sometimes they’re annoying. Hey, wanna see who can hold their breath the longest?”

Spock was prepared to say that his greater lung capacity, as well as the difference in oxygen levels on their respective planets would insure his victory, but Jim was giving him such an innocent smile, that Spock just nodded.

For some reason, Spock could not hold his breath for as long as he thought he could. Perhaps it was something to do with the way Jim laughed happily when he won. It was just easier this way.

When it was lunch time, Spock and Jim dried off and prepared to go back to Jim’s room. Spock carefully dried off his whole body and payed extra attention to his feet to prevent fungus from the wet floor. Jim was still dripping when they left, obviously not caring.

“You want some ravioli?” Jim asked, looking through the cabinets. They were alone in the hotel room, as Jim’s mother was with Jim’s Uncle Pike, and Sam was out somewhere in the city. Spock wondered how Mrs. Kirk could let a boy no older than twelve go out alone.

“Is it vegetarian?” Spock asked.

“Uh…no. Hold on.” Jim crawled across the counter to reach a different counter.

“Can we not order from the hotel kitchen?”

“Uh. No. My mom said she’d get groceries. We can use the replicator, though. You want cereal?” He handed Spock a box of something that looked to be mostly sugar. Spock opened the refrigerator.

“Is this cow milk?” He asked.

“Duh. What else?” Jim began eating the cereal dry from the box.

“Goats also produce milk that humans drink.” Spock poured himself a cup of milk and sipped it. Interesting.

“Oh, I thought of something we can do.” Jim jumped down from the counter and went into the sitting area. He began pulling all the cushion off of the couch. “Let’s make a fort. It can be our starship.”

Spock felt a sinking feeling at the thought of being forced to be a Romulan again. He decided not to pitch in. He just stood in the kitchen and sipped his milk from his cup.

Jim went into the bedroom and came back with several pillows and a blanket dragging behind him like a cape. “Come on. You can be my first officer.”

That was much better than being a Romulan, Spock decided. He finished his milk and began to help. Soon, they had a sound structure supported by two dining chairs.

“Ah! Tell me, Commander Spock, what do you see?” Jim asked from inside the fort.

Spock pocked his head out from inside the fort and looked towards the kitchen, the seating area, and the closed bedroom door.

“Nothing.”

“Yes, you do.” Jim whispered urgently. “Say you see an enemy vessel.”

“I see an enemy vessel.” Spock said monotonously.

“Hm…oh no! Spock! I think you’re being impersonated by an enemy!” Jim grabbed a loose pillow and launched at him, swinging it at his head.

Spock understood that it was difficult to act out pretend war with only two people if they were going to be on the same side, but he did not want to fight back. It was easy to dodge all of Jim’s attacks, and when they did hit, it was only a pillow, and it did not hurt.

“Ah! Take that you Romulan!” Jim brought the pillow down roughly on Spock’s head.

Spock stumbled back and fell flat onto a cushion. It was easy to play dead, as all he had to do was lie very still and breathe through his nose. It was like meditation.

“Spock.” Jim nudged Spock’s foot with his own. “Spock, get up.”

Spock felt Jim poke him in the stomach, the arm, and the ear. The last one tickled slightly, but Spock did not move. Then, he felt Jim’s hand on the side of his head.

As Jim’s palm crossed his psi-point, Spock’s mind immediately reacted. It was suddenly alight with the same bright gold it was during his most content. Spock gasped and opened his eyes as he simultaneously felt Jim’s hand feeling for his heartbeat on the wrong side of his body. That really did tickle.

Spock sat up and pulled back, wrapping his arms around his middle where he could feel his heart hammering, as well as the phantom feeling of tickle. His face was burning, and there was still gold behind his eyelids when he blinked.

“Jesus, I thought you were really dead. Hey, are you okay? Your face is all green.”

“I think my body was not designed to ingest cow milk.” Spock squeaked, getting up and running to the bathroom.

He vomited in the toilet before laying on the cool tile floor. Jim opened the door and laid one of the blankets over Spock.

“You want me to go get your mom?” Jim asked.

Spock said nothing. He just curled beneath the blanket and focused on the color in his mind that was fading from gold to its usual pale grey.

He heard the front door open, and a few moments later, Jim returned with Spock’s mother. He felt her cool hand on his face.

“Oh dear. You’re so warm. Come on, time to have a rest at home.” She pulled him up to his feet. Spock still felt a tad dizzy as he followed her out, Jim’s blanket still around his shoulders.

“Hey, Spock.” Jim called softly from where he sat on their dismantled blanket fort. “If you’re feeling better tomorrow, I know where we can go look for some animals outside.”

Spock felt a rush of excitement, and as he flopped down onto his cot in their room and fell asleep, his mind pulsed once more with gold.

The weather was warm for Spock’s remaining time on Earth. Jim and Spock looked for creatures the next day and put them in a metal coffee can they’d gotten from Jim’s mother. They only managed four beetles and a worm.

At one point, Spock caught a lizard, but nearly screamed when its tail broke off in his hand. He felt unbelievably sad at the thought of having hurt it, until he recalled that the lizard’s tail would grow back.

When they got bored of outside (well, when Jim got bored) they switched to playing chess indoors. Spock was surprised that Jim knew how to play, and even more surprised that he was very good. When they wanted an audience, they switched to playing the electronic version on Spock’s PADD so Spock’s parents could watch. Spock knew Jim just wanted someone to see that he was winning majority of the games.

Before he even realized, it was Spock’s final day on Earth. He tried to have no emotion about it, but Jim certainly did.

“I don’t wanna go back to stupid Riverside and stupid school.” He grumbled as they swung in sync at the playground.

Spock also felt that his courses would pale in comparison to his firsthand experience of Earth. There were still so many things he hadn’t seen, and so many questions he had for Jim.

“Only three more months till summer, though.” Jim smiled and swung higher.

“Yes.”

Spock did not get summer break, but he would get a break from his courses if he finished his current level before level four courses started. That would be possible with a lot of hard work. Then he could see Jim and the Earth again.

“When you come back, maybe we can go to the beach! Or the museum. They have a whale skeleton, and it’s real!”

Spock’s heart soared to match his physical height as he swung higher. This was not simply a companionship from the convenience of being the only two children at the hotel.  Were they actually…friends? Would Jim say the word?

“Watch this! Bet I can go farther than you!” Jim let go of the swing at its highest point. He sailed through the air and landed on his feet. “Oh, I just thought of something else, too! At the arcade, you get extra tokens if you bring a friend.”

Inspired, Spock held his breath as the swing went higher. At the top, he let go.

He saw Jim smile widely, and Spock felt completely exhilarated. He soared through the air unhinged.

“Wee…” He whispered.

A second later, there was a deafening crunch as Spock landed on his arm.

Spock knew the mental link he had with his father would flare at the sign that Spock was injured. Moments later, Sarek found Spock sitting on the ground holding his broken arm. He was trying desperately not to cry by focusing on Jim’s voice. Jim was going on and on.

“Boy, why’d you have to go and do a stupid thing like that?” He chuckled.

Spock did not answer. He knew that saying “because you told me to” was not a logical answer. “Because I wanted to look cool and impress you” was even worse.

Sarek crossed the playground and carefully picked Spock up. Finally, in the safety of his father’s arms, he could feel his natural Vulcan biology attempting to put him in a healing trance. He closed his eyes and rested his head against his father’s shoulder.

When he opened his eyes, his arm was in a cast. He’d been given the medicine to mend his bone, but still, he would have to have the cast for a while.

The shuttle ride home would be quite itchy.

Amanda and Sarek packed Spock’s things for him. He sat on the bed his parents had shared and looked out the window. He could see the playground down below. Though the equipment was a bit too juvenile for him, he would miss there actually being something to do outside.

There was a soft knock at the door.

“Hey.” Jim poked his head in. He was dressed in his coat and had a backpack over his shoulder. “I just wanted to see you again before we left. How’s your arm?”

“Healing.” Spock replied. “We are also leaving soon.”

“You have a cast? Can I sign it?” Jim seemed to perk up.

“Sign it?” Spock thought that practice seemed outdated, seeing as broken limbs were so easily fixed with modern medicine, and there was no need for casts to stay on very long. Nevertheless, he nodded.

Jim fished around in his backpack and found some of the coloring pens they’d used days before when making crafts. Spock was exceptional at origami. Jim was exceptional at decorating Spock’s origami with markers.

Spock held out his arm, and Jim stepped closer. He shyly covered what he was writing with his free hand, before stepping back.

Spock turned his head to the side to read it.

Get well soon! – Jim ♥

Spock raised a quizzical eyebrow at the foreign symbol at the end, but as he looked up to ask Jim what it was, he saw that Jim had picked up Spock’s PADD from the bed.

“Can I put my name in? I can send you pictures of cows and stuff from the farm?”

Spock nodded, and there was the beep of a successful added contact.

“Jim, your mother is here. She says you’re leaving now.” Amanda opened the bedroom door.

“Okay. Thanks.” Jim put Spock’s PADD back on the bed and picked up his backpack. “I guess I better get going.”

Spock followed him to the front door where Winona Kirk was waiting with Sam. She smiled at Jim and reached out to ruffle his hair before looking to Spock.

“Thank you for watching after my son. I know he is a bit of a handful.”

“I am not!” Jim piped up.

“It was no inconvenience.” Spock said. He appreciated how she seemed to talk to him like she would an adult, and not a child.

“Well, that’s a pleasant surprise to hear.” She laughed. “Goodbye, and thanks for your hospitality.” She looked up to Spock’s parents over his shoulder.

“Bye, Spock.” Jim waved and help up the ta’al. Spock was so surprised that Jim had taken the time to learn something Vulcan, that a small smile slipped onto his face.

“Goodbye, Jim.”

He watched them go down the hall to the elevator, and then he was gone. Spock felt strange inside. Lonelier than he ever had before, even though he was now just as he’d been when they arrived, only now with a cast on one arm.

“Time for us to get ready to go to, Hun.” Amanda placed her hand on Spock’s shoulder.

It had been his left arm he’d broken, so luckily, Spock had his dominant arm to type with as he sat on the shuttle with his PADD in his lap. He thought of the snow and the sudden climate change to warmer weather that brought out insects.

It was all so fascinating, but he could not think of any observations to make about them that hasn’t already been said in one of his books. Instead, he decided to finish his work on a previous subject.

_ TERRA RESEARCH _

_ By Spock _

_ Subject: Jim Kirk. _

_ Jim Kirk is exceptionally imaginative, being able to craft scenarios in which he has no prior experience. Example; he was able to mimic the sound and movement of an attacking shark in the pool despite never seeing a shark before. _

He’d written more than he’d realized, when he finally looked up and realized both his parents were asleep. He yawned, but decided that his work was more important than sleep.

Apparently, he had not factored in the time change. When they arrived home on Vulcan, it was nearing two in the morning. The sky was darker than Spock recalled, having got used to the Terran moon.

“What about I-Chaya?” Spock asked, stifling a yawn as they walked in the front door. The comforting familiar smell of his home had grown stale in their absence.

“It is too late to get him from the shelter. I will do it tomorrow. For now, you must go to sleep. You have school tomorrow.” Sarek said.

“Yes, Father.”

Spock went to his room and unpacked his backpack. He changed into his sleeping clothes and climbed into bed. It was strangely cold without the sehlat. Spock hear a chime, and realized it was his PADD. He picked it up from the nightstand.

 

  * ****Hey! This is Jim! We just got back about an hour ago. My mom said you guys won’t get to Vulcan until really late tonight, but I wanted to send you this picture anyways. Rosie says hello!****



 

Below the message was a picture of a gentle looking black and white cow. Its muzzle was pink, and it had very small horns on its head. Jim stood beside it, his face pressed to its flank as if it were a pet.

In the private darkness of his room, Spock managed another smile.

He saved the picture to his PADD before uploading it into the research he was writing. He wanted to say something about it, but he was quite sleepy, and couldn’t seem to find very profound words.

_Subject Jim Kirk, as well as Rosie the cow seem both to possess a certain trait or characteristic that I have only ever seen in Terran things: preciousnes_ s.

He did not know if that was the most professional term, but he would revise his research later. He laid in bed, attempting to get comfortable despite the cast, and closed his eyes. Tomorrow after school, he would be able to see I-Chaya again, as well we get his cast removed.

He could not wait to show Jim a picture of both of those things.

Amanda sat in front of the vanity in her and Sarek’s bedroom and brushed out her hair. She hoped it was only her imagination that told her she was going grey. Well, that, and maybe the mirrors were faulty.

In the mirror’s reflection, she could see her husband sitting cross-legged on the floor with his eyes closed.

Was he sleeping or meditating?

Sarek snored.

Ah, he was sleeping.

“Sarek, why don’t you get in bed? It’s late.” Amanda said.

“You are not in bed.” He pointed out.

“My body is still on Earth time. I told you, it’s called jet lag.” She smirked, knowing her husband was about to tear that sentence apart with logic.

Suddenly, there was a chime from her PADD in her bag by her feet. She took it out. It was from Spock. Why would Spock send her a message if he was only upstairs?

As she clicked it, she realized it was not a message, but a notification that Spock had uploaded something to the drive that the family shared.

“Our son is a published scientist.” She chuckled.

“Did he write about the trip?” Sarek asked as he seemed to take Amanda’s advice and get in bed.

“Yes. I bet this is all about those bugs he was collecting.” She scrolled through the document, and her face began to redden. “Oh dear… I wonder if he realizes we can see what he wrote.”

“About the earthworms?” Sarek asked.

“No… about Jim.”

“Jim Kirk?”

“Yes, it seems that’s the subject he chose to focus on. Not exactly science, but it is very cute.” She decided to respect her son’s privacy and close the document. After all, if he wanted them to read it, he would surely ask.

She climbed into bed beside Sarek and rolled over to him like she always did. He was like her own personal space heater.

“I’m so glad Spock has a friend.” She told him. “Especially a human one. I know there’s still time for the Vulcans in his class to warm up to him, but this way, he has someone to talk to that never thinks about the fact that he’d half of anything. He’s just Spock.”

“He is just Spock to us as well. I do not think of my son as anything negative.”

“I didn’t mean to imply you did!” Amanda reached for his hand under the blanket. “And you know I don’t mean to say anything bad about the other Vulcans in his class.”

“Their behavior is illogical. Bigotry comes from ignorance. They are all only children, but it is still a reflection of a flaw in our society if they do not accept Spock.”

“Well, they’ll have to once they see what a great scientist he becomes one day.”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Sarek, you’ve got to let Spock go back to Earth with you this summer. Jim will be off school, and they can see each other again.”

“What about Spock’s school work?”

“I’m sure you can work something out.” She squeezed his hand. “This is so important for him. It’s the first time someone seems to see what a special boy he is. Jim even drew a little heart on Spock’s cast! Oh, Sarek, say you’ll take Spock with you!”

“Alright.” Sarek knew once Amanda wanted something, then he had to do everything he could to make it happen. “I will take Spock with me next time.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Promise?” She yawned and closed her eyes.

“Yes, Ashayam. I promise.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like this! it's basically just my excuse to stick them in cute ass situations as they grow up together! <3
> 
> please like/review and you can follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio :-)


	2. Chapter 2

"What happened to your arm?"

Spock did not realize T'Pring was speaking to him, having learned to attribute her voice to the background conversation of the school yard. He only looked up from the book on his PADD when she asked again and stood in front of him.

"What happened to your arm?"

"I broke it when I fell off a swing set." He was never going to tell a soul that he'd jumped intentionally. He'd been able to successfully avoid the truth with his parents, and he was grateful that T'Pring did not know him well enough to tell that he was lying --well, omitting the truth.

"What is a swing set?"

"A piece of equipment that humans use for recreation." He answered, his eyes going back down to his PADD.

"Yes, I heard that you went to Earth with your parents. Was it interesting?" She sat down on the bench next to him.

"It was..." He paused for the right words that would work here. Would she think less of him for having enjoyed it? Why was she even talking to him? "It was interesting."

"I noticed you were watching a video on tides. Did you get a chance to see the ocean?"

"No, it snowed majority of the time."

"Fascinating. Does your human biology give you an advantage in the cold?" She seemed genuinely curious, but Spock did not pick up on that.

"I do not know." He had certainly been very cold. It did not feel as if he had an advantage.

The double chime sounded from the speakers on a nearby post, signaling the start of classes. Spock was glad he could bury himself in his school work. That would make the day go by faster.

"What section are you in?" T'Pring walked alongside him. "I am on section C, meaning I only have one more section to go in course level three. How many do you have left?"

"I am only on section A." He waited for her to mock him for being farther behind. He would have to work harder to complete the course in time for summer, but still, she was ahead.

"I see. I am only ahead because I have been working in the skill dome. I can get through sections in approximately twenty percent less time."

The skill domes. The advanced computer systems drilled information into Vulcan's heads much faster than a classroom setting. Spock used to attend his lessons there, until yet another incident. Spock did not see himself as having attacked Stonn unprovoked, but having defended himself against Stonn's attacks of words.

If he wanted to work harder, he should go back to the skill domes. Never mind that he liked the freedom of organizing and writing his own notes in a classroom setting. He could always make his own notes at home when he studied.

He turned towards the south wing when she did, following her towards the labs.  They entered just as other members of their class were setting up their domes. Spock walked down into one and began inputting the section he was on into the system.

T’Pring went to the one beside him, but stopped with a slight gasp. Spock looked up to see Stonn leave his dome and walk towards her. T’Pring turned around and walked quickly out of the lab just as the chime signaled for lessons to start. Stonn narrowed his eyes and looked to Spock for a second before going back to his dome.

Spock wondered why T’Pring would leave if she was so close to completing the section. Maybe she did not want to be in the room with Stonn. Maybe having your friends in the same room as you could distract you from your work. Not that Spock would know anything about that.

He closed his eyes to focus his mind as the system began quizzing him one what he should already know. He was able to successfully recall everything, and as the system rattled off the next chapter, Spock was able to retain that information. It seemed his mind that not weakened at all in his break from the last time he’d used the skill dome.

Just as he was getting into the last chapter in section A, the chime signaled for lunch break. Spock was slightly annoyed to be removed from his work, but he was quite hungry. He grabbed his bag and started towards the door. He stopped when he felt someone grab his cast.

“Who broke your arm? Were they trying to kill you?” Stonn tugged on his arm, and Spock winced in pain.

“No one. Let go of me.” He could tell his arm still needed the remaining hours before his doctor’s appointment to heal properly. Stonn could mess that up.

“Then how did it break?” He was not asking with the same curiosity that T’Pring had asked with. She seemed genuinely concerned. Stonn seemed upset that he had not been the one to break it himself.

“I fell.” Spock answered. He tried to pull his arm away, but Stonn pushed up the sleeve of Spock’s uniform robe.

“Who is Jim?” He demanded, seeing the words on his cast.

“…” Spock knew that exposing he had a friend on Earth would open him to much more ridicule. But at the same time, Jim had referred to Spock as his friend without any trouble. Jim deserved the same from him, didn’t he?

“Spock, Stonn, keep up.” The instructor said to them. Spock knew they were waiting for everyone to leave the lab so that they could lock the door. Stonn let go of Spock’s arm as they walked out and fell in step behind the other students.

“Why was T’Pring talking to you this morning?” Stonn stayed on Spock’s heels as they walked. His voice was rough in Spock’s ear, and he was a threatening few inches taller than Spock.

“I do not know.” Spock tightened his grip on his bag with his uninjured hand. “I did not invite her to sit with me.”

“Then why did she not come into the lab if she was with you?”

“Ask her yourself.” Spock successfully ducked out of Stonn’s path and fell into the mix of other students. He found a table in a corner and sat down. He carefully unpacked the lunch his mother had made for him.

Salad with…no dressing. Spock sighed in relief. As he ate, he took out his PADD to finish his book, when he saw a notification. It was a message from Jim sent one minute ago. Spock clicked it.

  * **Look what’s for lunch!!!! :D**



Attached was a photo of a sandwich and fruit. Spock took note of it for his research before replying with a photo of his own lunch.

  * **vegetables again. is that all you eat?**
  * _Yes._
  * **what about desert?**



Spock rarely had sweets, as he did not care for most of them. Even the few Vulcan sweets and candies he rarely craved.

  * _I usually drink tea after dinner for desert._
  * **that’s not desert you nerd. :P**
  * **u know what the best desert is?**



Spock waited, expecting the answer to be the mysterious Terran substance called chocolate. His mother loved chocolate more than anything, it seemed, but she always told him he couldn’t have it. He wasn’t sure he’d want something so sweet anyways.

  * **it’s vanilla ice cream!!!!**
  * **some people think vanilla is boring but they’re wrong. u understand what i mean, right?**
  * _I do. Some people may think plain salad is boring, but I find the taste of fresh vegetables to be adequate on their own._
  * **u type like a robot**
  * _You type like someone who has their grammar check and autocorrect disabled._
  * **How about now? Is this good enough for you???**
  * _Yes._



Spock smiled to himself, but stopped when he realized someone might see. It was not entirely un-Vulcan to smile once in a while, but he did not want to do anything to invite any questions. He’d barely made it away from Stonn without having to answer much.

The chime signaled for the end of lunch, and Spock quickly packed his leftovers and picked up his bag.

  * _I must go back to class._
  * **Me too :p**
  * **Hey, you wanna video chat tonight?**
  * _Yes._



Spock did not even think about the fact that he had homework until he was walking back to class. Well, perhaps he could finish it later that night. He wondered what Surak would say if he knew that Spock was forgoing his education for his human friend.

Spock was also technically working harder in school for his human friend, so that had to make up for it, right?

He had successfully completed section A by the time classes were done. He walked outside the school building to wait his mother to pick him up and take him to his doctor’s appointment. He hoped no one would bother him, and he was relieved when he walked out and saw their car was already waiting for him.

“Hey, Hun.” Amanda greeted him as he slid into the benchlike seat behind her. She adjusted the rearview mirror so she could see him before smiling.

“Hello.” Spock was secretly glad she’d taken the car by herself instead of having Romar drive her. Romar was their housekeeper who occasionally drove and cooked for their family, but Spock preferred it when it was just the three of them –plus I-Chaya.

“How was school?” She asked.

“Educational.” Spock took out his PADD and wondered if Jim was still in classes. He then clicked on the video he’d been watching that morning of the Terran ocean. It looked so fascinating and relaxing.

At the doctor’s office, Amanda checked them in, while Spock stepped into the private room and changed into the gown provided. This was a different doctor than the one Spock had gone to in the past. This was not a children’s specialist. Spock wondered if that was due to the severity of his injury, or if he was too old to continue going to a pediatrician.

It was chilly with nothing on but the gown and his underwear, but he tried to just think of how soon he would have the use of both his arms.

A nurse came in and took Spock’s height, weight, and blood pressure. Spock noticed he had grown several inches since his last measuring. The nurse did not comment on this.

“Doctor Tolek will be in to take your x-ray and determine if your arm is fully healed.” The nurse said before leaving.

Spock looked down at his arm. Did it feel healed? Yes, he supposed that it did. Spock listened, but he could not hear anyone out in the hall. He idly swung his legs as they dangled off the exam bed, before looking around.

At the counter by the sink was a small stack of paper cups. Spock got off the bed and got a drink from the sink. He then noticed the nurse had left her PADD on the counter after she’d entered in Spock’s information.

Curious, Spock turned it on and glanced towards the door before looking back. His file was open on screen. Spock scrolled around, looking for anything particularly interesting, before stopping.

_Species: Human._

Spock frowned. He was not a human. Why would the nurse put that in his file? He was only half human. His Vulcan physiology was just a prominent, if not more dominant than his human half, wasn’t it?

He heard footsteps approaching, and he quickly sat back down on the bed as the door opened. Doctor Tolek did not waste time with formalities. He just had Spock hold out his arm as he passed the x-ray wand over it.

“Your arm has healed completely. I will now remove your cast.”

“Doctor…” Spock looked at Jim’s signature on his cast. It was slightly smudged. “I was wondering if I could possibly keep my cast?”

“No.” He brought over a strange instrument and slid a blade down the inside of the cast. Spock could feel its sharpness against the hairs on his arm. “It will be destroyed. Furthermore, I do not see why you would want to.”

Spock found that he did not want to explain sentimental value to him, not when he still had another point to raise.

“I also wanted to ask you why my file has me listed as a human.” Spock asked.

Doctor Tolek glanced at him, their eyes boring into each other almost challengingly. The blade sliced against the cast, splitting it into pieces and it fell off his arm. Spock immediately pulled his arm away when it was free.

“One of the nurses at your previous doctor’s office must have entered that in.” He said. Spock began to realize that Doctor Tolek reminded him of Stonn. Mean under the excuse of logic. He had not said anything mean to Spock directly, but Spock knew he was lying.

“Will you fix it?” Spock asked, scratching his free arm. It had been very itchy in the cast. “You will put that I am Vulcan?”

He did not answer. He just disposed of his rubber gloves in the receptacle and picked up the PADD. He typed something on it, but Spock knew he was not fixing what he’d asked. Spock glared at him.

“Change back into your clothes.”

Spock wordlessly did so, burning hatred in his body. He breathed deeply to keep his emotions down, knowing Doctor Tolek would think even less of him than he already did if Spock were to show his anger.

He put his school uniform robe back on and dropped the gown into the chute by the door. He walked out with his shoes in his hands and stopped in the hallway to put them on when a nurse walked past him and went into the exam room.

Spock inched closer to the door and pressed his ear to the door.

“Your next patient may need new medication. His blood samples show little change since last time.” She said.

“That is for me to decide.” Doctor Tolek grumbled.  There was a shuffling sound.  “You recovered Spock’s file from the Vulcan database not the human one?”

“Correct.”

“Do not put it back there.”

“File it under Vulcan?” She asked.

Spock’s heart leaped.

“No.” He followed with something inaudible.

“Other? May I ask what classification?”

“Half-breed.”

Spock gasped, feeling his heart plummet. He heard the exam room door open, and he quickly jumped up and darted across the hall into an empty exam room.

He leaned against the door, feeling his heart hammering in his side. Half-breed. He always hated that word. Stonn was the one who started calling him that. It took off in their class as the preferred insult, but it’d lately tapered off. Most of his former bullies lost interest. Apparently not everyone had.

 A doctor. A professional. An adult hated Spock for what he was. Spock decided he hated him too. He would never come back here. He would request a different doctor if he ever needed to.

Spock listened as the hall emptied. He quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve, but saw no tears. He was unsure how he managed to keep it together.

He walked back into the waiting room. Amanda looked up and smiled at him.

“Your arm is all better, I see.”

“Yes.” Spock did not look her in the face. “I would like to go home. I have…homework.”

“Okay.” She reached out to smooth his hair, but Spock ducked under her outstretched hand and walked outside. The Vulcan sun had not yet started to set, and Spock tried to let its warmness lift his spirits.

He only felt better when he got back in the car and saw a message on his PADD.

  * **Hey Spock!!! Rosie says hi again!! She was right by the fence when I got home!!**



Underneath was another picture of the cow. Spock wondered if he could convey his happiness to Jim in the form of one of the faces Jim was always sending him. After searching through the keyboard, he found one.

  * _She is very fascinating._ ♥



It was the same symbol that Jim had signed on his cast. Apparently, it did mean something in Terran only, as Spock had never encountered it in the Standard version of the alphabet or Vulcan.

  * **Wanna video chat? You can help me with my homework?? :p**
  * _Just a moment._



When they got home, Spock ran inside and upstairs to his room. He hung his bag on the hook and took off his shoes. He changed from his school robes to his home ones and got on his bed.

  * _I am ready._



There was an incoming call notification, and Spock clicked it. His human friend grinned and waved.

“Hey, Spock! I feel like school took forever today!”

“Indeed.” Spock forgot all about the doctor’s prejudice as he looked at Jim. Jim had no prejudice. He was already going on as if they were old friends.

“Your cast is gone. Lucky. One time I had stitches on my face and I didn’t them out for, like, ever.”

 “Why?” Spock could not think of why a minor injury would take so long to heal.

“I kept picking at it.” He chuckled.

Spock got out his textbooks on the next chapter in school and started skimming over it. Biology. Spock was very good at biology. He propped the PADD up against his pillow as he laid out the book and started taking notes on paper.

“Ugh, I gotta start mine too, but it’s just this!” He held up a piece of paper covered in math problems. Division. Spock was very good at division. “I can’t wait for tomorrow, though. I start my last elective class of the year. It’s music.”

“You are going to learn an instrument?” Spock asked, glancing up from his notes. 

“Maybe. But I don’t really care about it. I’m just glad to be done with art. I suck at drawing.”

Spock did not think the drawings they’d made together on construction paper were very bad. He actually wished he’d kept one.

“Music was one of my favorite courses as well.”

Spock recalled the way he and he classmates at all learned the basic scales and played their lutes together. When their course had finished, Spock had chosen not to continue in favor of having more time for his science classes. But maybe he still remembered how to play a bit.

“You play?” Jim perked.

“The Vulcan lute.” Spock nodded.

“I think we’re gonna learn recorder or something. Lame.” He frowned. “Oh, hey, I was in class and I told one of my teachers about you.”

“You did?” Spock’s pen paused over his paper.

“Yeah. I told her I met a Vulcan over the spring break. I told her how cool and smart and stuff you were. She said you sounded cool.”

“Cool…” Spock repeated, still slightly shocked.

“I wish I could take you to my school.” He laughed. “Then we could be partners in stuff, and my girlfriends wouldn’t have to fight over me, cuz I’d already have you.”

Spock found he could not concentrate on his homework with Jim saying such nice things to him. Did he really feel that way? Did he find Spock interesting and exotic in the same way that Spock found Jim interesting and exotic?

Spock wondered what would happen if he took Jim to his own school. He would likely get mocked for having a human friend, and Jim would be forced to sit outside the skill dome lab all day while Spock did his lessons. Not very fun for a human.

“Hm… What’s sixteen times sixteen?” Jim asked, having turned his attention back to his homework sheet.

“Two-hundred and fifty-six.” Spock said instantly.

“Ha, thanks.” There was the sound of pencil on paper. “Hm. What’s forty times nine?”

“Three-hundred and sixty.” Spock hardly had to think about it as he wrote his own notes.

“Cool. What’s fifty-two times forty?”

“Two thousand –” Spock paused and looked up. Jim was smiling at him patiently. “Are you using me to cheat on your homework?”

“What? No…” His face reddened. “I was just asking you to check my work for me. I mean, I already _know_ it, I just don’t feel like thinking about it.”

Spock scowled. Cheating was one of the worst things one could do in an academic setting. Spock never knew what happened to Vulcans who cheated, because once caught and removed from the classroom, they never returned.

“Don’t give me that look.” Jim said. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll answer one of your questions. Ask me something from your homework. Go on, ask.”

Spock looked down at his biology book, skimming for something Jim would not know. Vulcan biology was rather private and only doctors of different species were the ones given clearance for certain things, and that was only if they were sure to be treating Vulcans.

“How many days average between a female Vulcan’s menstrual periods?”

“T-That’s really in there?!” Jim turned redder. Spock nodded. “Uh…thirty?”

“Ninety.”

“Well, how the heck am I supposed to know that?” He was still blushing. “Ask me a different question.”

“At what age does the average Vulcan lose their cuspid teeth?”

“Seven!”

“Twelve.”

“Damn. I lost my first tooth when I was seven. See?” Jim opened his mouth. Spock was not sure what he was looking for. “Well, it grew back. You don’t lose your teeth until you’re twelve?”

“We do not lose all of our teeth like humans do.” Spock explained. “Just our cuspids. Much sharper ones grow in their place.”

“What for?”

“Because Vulcans used to be warriors. Logic has not rid us of our evolutionary traits.”

“How sharp? Like a vampire?” His eyes seemed to light up.

“I suppose similarities could be drawn between an adult Vulcan’s teeth and fangs…” Though it was rude to refer to them as such. “But not every Vulcan loses their cuspids. It is hereditary, and sometimes those who do get them filed down, as there is no use for sharp teeth on a vegetarian.”

“So, are you gonna lose yours?”

“I am not sure.”

“Well, you said it’s hereditary. Did your dad lose his?” Jim seemed to have abandoned his homework and was now eating from a bag of potato chips.

“I…am not certain.” Spock wondered how he’d never thought to ask. He could not remember if Sarek had very sharp teeth. It was odd to think of his father as a pre-reform warrior.

“Ask him. It’d be cool if you got fangs, then I could trick all my friends into thinking you were a vampire!”

The fact that Jim was thinking of their friendship several years into the future made Spock feel strangely comforted.

Downstairs, Spock could hear his father coming home from work, as well as the heavy steps of I-Chaya coming up the stairs. Spock’s door opened and I-Chaya ran up to Spock and began to eagerly lick his face.

“Woah, what the heck is that!” Jim gasped.

“Down.” Spock murmured, gently pushing the sehlat off the bed. “This is our pet sehlat, I-Chaya. He was at the kennel the whole time we were gone, and my father just brought him home.” Spock could not help but smile slightly at seeing his pet again.

“Now those are fangs. He’s so cute! All we have are cows and chickens…and some cats, but they scratch me when I try to play with them.”

“Spock.” There was a knock on his door.

“Come in.”

“Spock, come wash up for dinner.” Amanda said, poking her head in the door.

“But I am doing my homework.” Spock said.

“You can finish it later. Come on, you can help me set the table.”

“Yes, Mother.” Spock sighed. “I must go.”

“Yeah, I gotta go too. I wonder what my mom’s making for dinner. I’ll see you later, Spock.” Jim held up the ta’al in farewell, and Spock did the same.

He went downstairs to the kitchen and washed his hands. He then set the table, placing a placemat in front of his father, who was reading the news on his PADD.

“How was school today?” He asked, not looking up.

“Educational.” Spock said.

“And the doctor’s?”

“Medical.” Spock did not want to talk about that.

“Spock,” Amanda chuckled. “Tell your father what happened at the doctor’s.”

Spock paused, the spoon he was holding hovered over its place on the table. What did she mean? He did not tell her about what Doctor Tolek had said.

“Spock got to go to an adult doctor today.” Amanda spoke up for him. “Spock, your father and I wanted to ask if you liked it there? Maybe you want to have all your appointments at Doctor Tolek’s office.”

“…” Spock gripped his spoon tighter at the thought. “I…perhaps not.”

“He is a very respected doctor.” Sarek said. “His son, Stonn is in your class, you know.”

Stonn was Doctor Tolek’s son. That explained where Stonn’s prejudice came from. Being Vulcan meant respecting professions in the medical and science fields. Spock could not say anything about Doctor Tolek without upsetting his father.

“Hopefully you won’t need to go for a while.” Amanda brought over the salad and soup, and Spock sat down. “No more injuries, please. The only thing you should go for is routine check-ups.”

Spock nodded, glad to have found a way to evade answering their questions. Spock filled his plate and began eating to avoid even more questions. After a moment, he remembered what he and Jim had talked about.

Spock glanced up at his father. He was eating his salad with his usual impassive look on his face. Spock tried to look for fangs, but it was hard to tell. After a moment, Sarek locked eyes with him.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“No. I was just looking to see if you had your adult cuspids.” Spock said. “Did you lose your first set of them?”

“I did.” He nodded. “I lost all four of them between the ages of twelve and thirteen.”

“Haven’t you noticed those fangs of his?” Amanda asked, looking loving look. “They’re so sexy.”

“Then will I lose mine?” He asked, ignoring his mother’s comment.

“Yes.” Sarek said. “At your first dental appointment, x-rays confirmed that you will not lose all of your teeth like a human child, but you will lose your cuspids like I did.”

“Interesting.” Another thing that made him feel more Vulcan. He would be looking forward to it.

After dinner, Spock brushed his teeth and examined them in the bathroom mirror. He gently tapped on his cuspids with his toothbrush, but of course they were not loose yet.

“Fangs.” Spock hoped they would not be too inconvenient, and just as cool as Jim seemed to think they’d be.

Back in his room, he had only been studying for a little while when Jim called him back. Spock answered right away.

“Hey! You’re finally done. I waited an extra few minutes, because I know you eat slow.”

Spock did not mind these words. It wasn’t really an insult, after all. Sooner than he would have liked, it was time for Spock to take a bath and meditate before bed.

“Promise we’ll talk tomorrow too?” Jim prompted. “I can show you something cool.”

Spock nodded, smiling slightly. His mother would get over excited whenever he smiled, laughing along to whatever it was and trying to pull him into a hug. With his father, Spock knew he was privately thinking how un-Vulcan it was.

It seemed Jim was the only person who just smiled back. For that reason, Spock did not mind letting himself feel happy in front of him.

The next day, it seemed the cool thing that Jim had wanted to show Spock was actually a small white feather.

“It fell off one of the chickens once and I thought it looked cool…” He sighed. “Okay. I lied. I didn’t have anything cool to show you, I just wanted to talk.”

“I find the feather very interesting.” Spock said truthfully.

“Oh yeah, I bet you’ve never even seen one before. Are there birds on Vulcan?”

“Yes, there are flightless ones.”

“Oh. Well, this is still cool. Look, I have a mustache.” Jim grinned and held the feather under his nose like a mustache. He then sneezed loudly, and for the first time, Spock managed a small chuckle.

“Ha! You laughed! Don’t laugh at me!” Jim was laughing too.

Several weeks later, Spock was walking across campus at the learning center. School was over, and he was eager to get home and start his homework. He was moving through the chapters and sections quite speedily, even though he spent his evenings lazily doing his homework on video chat with Jim.

After Jim went to sleep, Spock would buckle down and finish his work by the glow of his PADD in room. His parents had no idea he was staying up until two every night, but it hardly mattered. Spock could sleep on Sundays, his day off school.

He heard his PADD chime just as he got in his mother’s car in the parking lot.

“More research work, my young scientist?” Amanda asked as Spock got in the car. He saw she was sitting in the backseat. Spock glanced to the front seat and saw that the barrier was up, blocking his view of the driver. But he knew it was Romar.

“Yes.” Spock drew his feet up onto the seat with him as he took opened the message.

  * **Hurry up and get off school I gotta ask you something!!**



“I asked Romar to come stay this week and help clean and cook. My feet are really aching.” She sighed, crossing one leg over her knee and rubbing at her heel.

Romar was never directly rude to Spock. In fact, he always referred to Spock as Young Spock. Spock was never sure how to take that. He did make tolerable plomeek soup, though, and when he took care of the cooking and cleaning, there was more time for his parents to spent together, and with him.

When their car pulled into the driveway, Spock opened the door and bolted inside. He ran past his father in the living room, and I-Chaya who was napping outside Spock’s door.

Spock opened his bedroom door, and I-Chaya took this opportunity to go in and climb onto Spock’s bed to finish his nap. Spock sat on his bed and leaned back against him, so that Jim could see him too, before calling.

“I swear it takes you forever to get home from school!” Jim exclaimed when they were connected.

“I only live fifteen minutes away from the learning center.” Spock said, but he could see that Jim was ignoring him in favor of staring over his shoulder.

“Haha, I-Chaya is licking your ear.”

“Yes, I can feel it.” Spock tried to turn his head away. “What is it that you wanted ask me?”

“Hm, okay, so… summer vacation is in a few weeks…and I was wondering if you were coming to Earth?” He asked, his eyes wide with put-on innocence.

“I do not know. That all depends on my father’s job. Will you be returning to San Francisco this summer as well?”

“I dunno. That depends if Uncle Pike is back from space.”

Spock now understood that Captain Pike was not Jim’s biological uncle, but a friend of both of his parents. He was in Starfleet, as was Jim’s mother.

“When is your mother returning to her post?”

“Mmm…I dunno. I keep asking, but she says she’s worried about me and Sam being on our own.”

“She trusted her abusive ex-husband to watch you for years, but now she is worried about your wellbeing without her there?”  Spock asked.

“It’s not like she knew, Spock! Frank told me to keep my mouth shut, and I was dumb enough to listen.”

“I…did not mean to upset you.” Spock was taken aback by Jim’s harsh tone.

“No, you didn’t. I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m worried that now that Frank’s gone, she’ll find an even worse husband. She hates being alone, so she’s going to get married again eventually.”

“Perhaps this incident has taught her to have a harsher screening process.” Spock ventured.

“Maybe. How do they do it on Vulcan?”

“Our parents choose our future spouses for us, and we are betrothed as children.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “Well, my parents met when they were sort of young. Maybe they were soulmates. You can’t really find another one, can you?”

Spock was uncertain if he believed in soulmates, so he was not sure he was fit to answer that question. Furthermore, he’d learned that sometimes Jim just talked to do so, and did not always need a response.

“Anyways, that’s what I wanted to talk about….you visiting. But, the thing is, I don’t think Uncle Pike is going to be here, since he’s usually only back at Christmas.”

“So, your family will not be in San Francisco?” Spock asked.

“No, that’s the thing! You should come to Riverside!” Jim looked as if he had been almost bursting with trying to hold that idea in.

“Come to Riverside?” Spock blinked. “But the embassy is in San Francisco.”

“Duh, I know that, you nerd.” Jim rolled his eyes. “But your dad could bring you here first…and you could stay here.”

“What about my father?”

“Ugh.” Jim threw his hands in the air. “We could watch you! Well, my mom can. Haven’t you ever spent the night somewhere without your parents?”

“No.” Spock said truthfully.

“Really?” Jim seemed surprised. “Well, if you don’t want to…I understand…”

“I do want to.” Spock said, finding it was true. “I am just not sure if my parents will let me stay somewhere without them.”

“I can get my mom to talk to them. Adults always wanna talk stuff over between them anyways. Go get their voice number.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah! I’ll pass it on to my mom and that’ll still gimme time to beg her to call before bed. Do it! Do it!” Jim chanted.

Spock laid his PADD on the bedside table and walked down the hallway to his parent’s room. He knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Spock opened the door and peaked in to see his mother lying on the bed with her feet in Sarek’s lap. He was carefully rubbing the bottom of her bare feet.

“What are you doing to mother’s feet?” Spock asked loudly.

“Acupressure.” Sarek replied.  “Her feet are sore.”

“I thought Vulcans had to be trained to do that?”

“I am trained.” Sarek said somewhat proudly. “At your mother’s insistence, I took courses on proper acupressure using Vulcan telepathy and control.”

Spock could see why. Amanda seemed to be enjoying it. Spock walked to the foot of the bed and watched for a moment, trying to memorize how it was done, before remembering the reason he came in.

“What is your voice call number?”

“Why? Do you need to give it to a teacher at school or something?” Amanda asked. She’d placed a pillow over her face, but now took it off to look at him.

“No. I was going to give it to Jim so that he could have his mother call you and arrange for me to go to Riverside in Iowa this summer to see Jim.”

“Iowa? Baby, what about San Francisco?” She sat up, seeming a little bothered that he was disrupting her massage time.

“Jim’s mother only goes to San Francisco to see his uncle, but he is currently in space for Starfleet. She will be staying in Riverside this summer, and so it is completely _logical_ for me to go there so I can see Jim.” Spock tried to put on his best impassive Vulcan face. “Please.”

His parents looked at each other. Amanda then darted her eyes to Spock. Sarek raised an eyebrow at her. Spock always wondered how they managed to have conversations non-verbally, but he would not risk asking now.

“We will discuss it with her.” Sarek nodded.

Spock felt his heart swell like a balloon, but he had to try not to show his excitement outwardly. Instead, he clasped his hands behind his back and nodded.

“Thank you for her consideration.”

Sarek gave Spock the number and Spock ran back to his room. He got on his bed and grabbed his PADD. His call with Jim was still on.

“Geez, that took forever.” Jim perked up when he saw Spock. “Did you get it?”

“I did.” Spock nodded.

“Okay, gimme!”

Spock relayed the number to Jim, and Jim was gone for a long moment, giving it to his mother. Spock took this chance to rest his PADD against the pillow and start his homework.

“Okay.” Jim returned. “Now…we wait.”

Almost a week went by with no news. Every day, Spock would get in the car and look expectantly at his mother as they drove home from school. She would just smile and ask about his work.

His father was no better. He did not come home until after dinner some nights, and Spock would try to talk to him, only for his father to say that Spock should be studying.

One evening after his bath, Spock was walking back to his room when he could hear his parents talking in their bedroom. Spock dropped down onto his hands and knees and pressed his ear against the crack in the door.

 _“Sarek… promised…”_ His mother’s voice was very muffled.

 _“…Independent… Vulcan… Human.”_ His father’s was no better. But still, Spock strained to listen.

“Young Spock, what are you doing?”

Spock gasped and nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned around to see Romar staring down at him, his stony face showing hints of confusion. He’d been passing the sonic dust vacuum over the carpet, and apparently Spock was crouching in his way.

“N-Nothing.” Spock quickly stood up, blushing green.

He went back to his room and started his meditation. Since he and Jim had begun talking at night, Spock had been slacking in his meditation, but he knew it was very important to strengthen his mental shields back to their former power. Just that morning he’d accidentally read a younger Vulcan’s anxiety when they collided in the corridor at school.

It was also important for Spock to start taking his eyes off his PADD when he was walking, even if books and Jim were both very interesting.

A soft knock on his door brought Spock from his meditative state.

“Come in.”

When his parents opened the door, the hallway light flooded in, disturbing I-Chaya’s sleep. He raised his head from his spot on the bed and narrowed his eyes.

“Spock, are we disturbing you?” Amanda asked.

“You are not.” He put out the fire in his aroma pot and reached for the light on his bedside table.

“We want to talk to you about something.” She came in and sat down on the bed. Sarek opted for standing rigid in the doorway. Spock looked up at them expectantly.

“We have discussed it with Commander Kirk, and she said that she would be willing to have you stay in her home in Riverside for the duration of the summer break.” Sarek said.

“Really?” Spock gasped lightly.

“Now, is that okay with you, Hun?” Amanda asked. “Three months is a long time to be without me –us.”

“I am more worried how _you_ will do without Spock for so long.” Sarek said to her. “I am sure Spock will be fine.”

“I am sure I will be as well.” Spock said with a nod.

“I will take you with me to San Francisco, and from there, I will put you on the train to Riverside.” Sarek said. “We will be leaving on June second.”

Spock had taken the train here in ShiKahr several times before, and it was not scary. But he’d never travelled alone before.

“And you will be on Earth the whole time as well?” Spock asked.

“No. I will be returning to Vulcan in mid-June. But I will be back in San Francisco to get you from the train station at the end of August.”

“I am…really going to spend all that time on Earth?” Spock looked out his window. The sky was dark, but there were faint lights of the city along the skyline.

“Oh, Sarek, maybe he’s too little. What if he gets scared?” Amanda looked worried.

“I will be fine.” Spock said, his voice full of determination. “This is important for my… sociological development. I will also make sure I document everything I can.”

“Hm.” Amanda smiled. “Of course you will, my little scientist.”

“Alright, we will let you return to your meditation.” Sarek said. Amanda ruffled Spock’s hair as she left the room, turning off his bedside light as she went.

Spock picked up his matchbook, but suddenly did not feel like meditating. Instead of lighting his aroma pot, he turned to his window and opened the curtains. He unlocked the latch and climbed out onto his balcony.

Sometimes the windy blew sand in his face when he was out here, but he still liked it. He could see the skyline of the city perfectly. The rocky Vulcan terrain and tips of the mountains and volcanos way in the distance. The dark sky full of tiny stars. Some blinked and moved. Those were spaceships.

It would be strange to be on another planet for three months. It would be even stranger to be without his parents. But he would be with Jim.

Jim, who always laughed with him, never at him. Jim who had the curiosity of a researcher, but asked questions like he was just wondering. Jim with round ears and light hair and blue eyes. He would be okay.

June was only a few weeks away. Spock was not close enough to the end of the course to stay on the same schedule and be finished on time. He needed to work harder.

Spock spent breakfast studying, one hand tapping the PADD to switch pages, the other shoving slices of globe fruit in his mouth.

He lost twenty minutes of study time by walking to school. He lost an additional five minutes before the chime by trying to avoid Stonn and T’Pring. Stonn always looked disappointed that he did not get to say anything intimidating to Spock.

He used the skill domes every day, trying to move faster and faster through the chapters. When he heard the buzz of an incorrect answer, or for waiting too long to answer, Spock would always try to use it as motivation to better himself.

His only break was after school. He would have a snack and talk to Jim on video chat. He allowed himself one hour of video chat, before he had to start studying again. After dinner, it was bath, meditation, and more studying until he went to sleep.

“Mother, could you drive me to school?” Spock asked, poking his head into her bedroom. She seemed to be examining her hair in the mirror.

“No, Hun, I’m afraid I can’t. I’m working today.”

His mother sometimes worked by using her teaching degree to create lesson plans and curriculums for elementary schools on Earth. He knew she once looked into teaching on Vulcan as well, but not many Vulcans wanted a human to teach their children.

Sarek was sure that one day, they would be more progressive. Spock was not sure why anyone could not see how smart his mother was.

“You don’t feel like walking today?” She asked.

“I can get more work done by riding.” Spock said. He was losing precious time just having this conversation.

“Well, get Romar to drive you.”

Spock had never considered this before, but it was part of Romar’s job to drive the family, and Spock was a member of the family.

Spock went back to his bedroom and found Romar stripping his sheets. He’d never before considered the fact that Romar came in here, but he’d never given it much thought either. A non-family member was touching his things. His floor. His clothes. Maybe in the fall Spock would start changing his own sheets.

“Romar… will you drive me to school?” Spock asked.

“Yes, Young Spock.” He put Spock’s sheets in the basket of laundry outside in the hall. In the basket, Spock also saw his other dirty clothes. It was a good thing Vulcans did not get embarrassed.

Spock walked out into the driveway and got into the backseat of the car. The gentle rumbling of the clean-energy engine aided Spock’s studying. He thought he would get in an extra twenty minutes of studying, that was, until Romar began talking to him.

“Your parents have informed me that you will be spending the summer on Earth.” He did not meet Spock’s eyes in the rearview mirror the way his mother did.

“Yes, that is correct.” Spock did not say anything else. He knew Romar was their employee, but he was still his elder, so Spock was not allowed to tell him to be quiet.

“Have you already seen fascinating Terran flora and fauna?” He asked.

“Not as many as I would like.”

“You are staying in the countryside, so perhaps you will see sunflowers.”

“How do you know about sunflowers?” Spock looked up from his PADD.

“My oldest daughter studied Terran plants for a short time. She even brought me back a sunflower from Earth. It thrived here.”

“It did?” Spock’s mother was always trying to grow Earth plants on Vulcan, but it never worked how she’d hoped.

“Yes. My oldest daughter was on her way to be an accomplished botanist.” Romar said as they pulled into the parking lot at the Learning Center.

“Where is she now?” Spock asked, wondering if she was still studying on Earth. Perhaps he would not be the only Vulcan there after all.

“She is deceased.”

Spock gasped, but was not sure what to say. Romar was only a few years older than Sarek –much too young to have a deceased child.

Romar pushed the button that made Spock’s door slowly slide open. Spock found himself, and quickly gathered his bag. He got out and tried to assess the quickest path through the school yard that would not have him running into anyone he did not want to see.

“Thank you for driving me.” Spock said over his shoulder.

The door was already closed back, and Romar drove off. Spock began to read a history chapter on his PADD as he walked through the crowd. Just a few more chapters, and he would be done with the course level.

The end of the day bell chimed just after Spock finished. He felt a great sense of accomplishment and sighed with contentment. He was officially a Course Level Three graduate. The alert on his PADD told him his final grades were now available to view. Spock would pride himself in showing them to his father.

He did not sign up for the next level yet, as he was now thinking of himself as on vacation. He’d noticed T’Pring had not been back to school since she finished the course last week. Perhaps she was also on vacation. After all, such a concept was not un-Vulcan. Resting after such use of brain power was important.

“Done already?” Jim seemed surprised when Spock relayed the news during their call that evening. “Thank God. I’ve missed talking to you a lot. You’re lucky, too. My last day of school isn’t until Friday.”

“And your final exams?” Spock asked, remembering the way he’d had to stand very still and focus his mind when taking his exams in the skill dome. He’d still yet to check his grades.

“We don’t really have those until middle school.” Jim said. “I think elementary school is more about making us sociable and all that crap.”

“I see.” Spock said, though he really didn’t.

“Ah! I can’t wait to see you next week! I’ve been thinking of so much stuff for us to do. Like, I found my old chess board, so we can play that. I even found my legos!”

“What are legos?”

“Oh my god, Spock! How can you not know what legos are! They’re –” He paused. “Actually, you’ll see for yourself.”

“Alright.” Spock nodded, trying to calm his curiosity.

When Spock’s father came home, Spock pulled up his grades on his PADD and handed it to them. He could not bear to look at it himself. He just turned his back to them, his face green as he heard them scroll through.

“These are excellent!” Amanda said.

“Yes. You are now second in your class.” Sarek said.

“I am?” Spock gasped and took his PADD back. He scrolled through and his jaw almost dropped as he saw he’d scored fours in every subject.

“Fours?” Jim asked as Spock reported back later that night. “Is that good?”

“Yes.” Spock could not help but smile. “That is the best grade. One is the worst.”

“Oh, okay.” Jim smiled. “Well, I’m proud of you, buddy.”

Spock fell asleep smiling at those words.

The week waiting for June seemed to be the longest of Spock’s life. Despite there not being classes, Spock could not make himself sleep past his ordinary wake up time. Meditating felt impossible, as he could not clear his mind past the buzzing gold that filled it when he thought of Jim.

Finally, it was the night before Spock was leaving. He meticulously packed everything he could. Three months would be a long time, and he needed all of his clothes. He also packed the special case with his lute in it. He wanted to play something for Jim. Jim would not mind if he was rusty.

Amanda hugged Spock impossibly tight before he departed for the shuttle station with his father. Spock did not mind hugging her back just this once. He did not understand why she was tearing up.

“I’ll miss you, baby.” She smoothed his hair. “Promise you’ll call?”

“Yes, I promise.” He said, brushing off his clothes.

Romar drove Spock and Sarek to the shuttle station, and as they prepared to take off, Spock turned to the window and watched his home planet shrink to a red dot.

He must have fallen asleep, because soon Sarek was gently shaking Spock’s shoulder until he sat up. They unloaded their bags into a cart and Spock got to push it across the station.

“Here.” Sarek pulled something up on Spock’s PADD. “This is your ticket for the train to Colorado. You will then transfer to the one to Riverside.”

Spock was grateful his father did not a big deal out of it, acting as if he had full confidence that Spock would not get lost.

Sarek’s car to the embassy would not leave until Spock’s train did, so they waited for it in comfortable silence, sitting in the lounge area. Sarek bought Spock a cup of hot tea and something covered in icing and cinnamon.

“I understand if you do not want it.” He said as Spock unwrapped it.

Spock did think it was very sweet, but he ate it anyways. Afterwards, he had to wash his hands to keep them from being sticky. Even then, he could feel a phantom stickiness on his palms as a train attendant loaded Spock’s many bags.

“Goodbye, Son.” Sarek did not move to hug Spock or shake his hand. Spock wondered if it was because his father would not miss him, or if it was because he feared his hands were still sticky.

“Goodbye, Father.” Spock gave him the ta’al, before turning to show the attendant his ticket.

“I hope you have… fun.”

Spock was surprised to hear his father use that word, but he nodded. He was sure that he would. He climbed onto the train and took his seat near the front. Soon, it was packed with humans of all types. The only other alien was a Kelpien man near the back. Spock tried to get a closer look at him, but he seemed terrified when Spock kept staring.

The train started, its bullet-like shape and efficient engine meant it would not take very long to get to their destination.

  * _I am on the train._



Spock sent Jim a message along with a picture of the blurred view from his window. They seemed to be heading deep into the countryside, with only fields and trees visible.

  * **Ahhh!!!**
  * **YAYYYY!!!**
  * **YEEEEEE**



Spock was not sure what to make of these messages, but he saved them anyways. He busied himself with looking out the window and seeing how many plant species he could identify. Soon, they passed a large field dotted with white fluffy sheep. Spock gasped so loudly that he startled the Kelpien passenger.

He tried to take a picture, but they were gone when he looked up. The countryside faded into the city, and Spock knew they’d reach the station soon. There were so many types of cars, that Spock busied himself with counting the different models.

On Vulcan, everyone’s car looked the same, and came in either black or silver. Most Vulcans also preferred to walk when they could. Humans must be lazier than Spock had previously thought. Spock made sure to put this in his research.

When Spock got out at the station, he waited patiently for the train he was to transfer to. He was hungry, but all of the food being sold was strangely Terran. He saw something called hot dogs, and he briefly wondered if it was real dog.

He finally found something vegetarian in the form of popcorn. He bought a bag of it, as well as a drink. He did not expect the carbonation to be so strong, burning his nose.

“I think the pizza stand has a veggie option.” The popcorn vendor said.

Spock investigated, and found that there was vegetarian pizza. He had never had pizza before, but he knew his mother liked it. He bought a slice and sat down on a bench to eat. He found that it was one of the best things he’d ever had in his life.

  * _Pizza is very good._
  * **DUH!!! Ew, I bet you like the kind with pineapple on it.**
  * _I have never had pineapple, but I would be willing to try it._



Spock heard the announcement for his train, and began pulling his luggage cart. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. A human woman was looking down at him.

“Young man, where are your parents?” She asked.

“I am travelling alone.” Spock attempted to move out of her grip, but it was difficult while also holding onto his cart.

“You seem much too young to be –” She let go of him when he looked up at her. Perhaps she finally realized he wasn’t human.

He nodded politely to her before boarding the train. He felt excitement now, knowing it would not be long before he arrived in Riverside.

Would Jim have changed much in the months since they were in person? He did not seem much different on video calls, but one could not always tell that way.

Finally, Spock saw the Iowa state line. It was very unVulcan to show such outward excitement, so Spock put his feet up in his seat and tried to hide his smile behind his knees.

The scenery was quite fascinating. Long stretches of fields full of stalks of plants. Spock wondered if it was corn, and what the process was to make popcorn from this corn. He’d quite liked the popcorn he’d had at the last stop. Perhaps that was his human side shining through.

Riverside was not as big as San Francisco at all, and at first, Spock was not sure they were even in a city. The buildings were much smaller, and the roads were older. The train slowed down and stopped at the station, which turned out to be a very small building.

Outside was a bench with a recycling receptacle. Spock placed his trash inside and watched as the attendant began to unload all of his bags. The Riverside station’s luggage carts were small, and Spock had to push harder to get the older wheels to roll.

Inside were rows of seats. There was a ticket counter, and a chronometer, showing that Spock was five minutes early. He rolled his luggage cart to a stop and went into the bathroom. He spent a moment afterwards careful washing his hands, ridding them of all food particles.

He walked out of the bathroom, and no less than three seconds later, did he feel himself being crushed by someone. His initial reaction is to panic and subdue his attacker, until he realized this was not an attacker. This was his friend.

“Spock! You’re finally here!” Jim squeezed him tightly.

“Jim… I cannot…breathe…” Spock gasped.

“Whoops, sorry!” Jim chuckled and let go of him.

Spock had only ever let his mother hug him, but he found that despite squeezing the breath out him hugging Jim was not so bad. Like hugging his mother, it left his clothes full of human scent. He did not mind this.

“Hm. I can’t decide if you’re taller or not.” Jim said.

“I have grown one inch, I believe.”

Jim laughed like it was hilarious. Spock did not think Jim looked much different at all. Jim walked over to Spock’s luggage cart. He tried to push it towards the door, but it barely budged.

“Geez, did you bring your whole room?”

“Of course not.” Spock stood beside him and they pushed it together.

Commander Kirk was by their vehicle, ready to unload Spock’s bags. Their vehicle turned out to be an old pick-up truck.

“Hello Spock.” She held up the ta’al.

“Hello. Thank you for allowing me to stay with you, Commander.” Spock nodded politely.

“It’s no problem at all, honey. You can just call me Winona.” She loaded all of his bags into the bed of the truck. There were no restraints, and Spock hoped they would be safe. “Okay kids, buckle up.”

The two of them squished into the passenger’s seat, with Spock by the window. Winona got in the driver’s seat and started the truck. Unlike the cars on Vulcan, or even the train, the ride was not smooth.

They turned off the cement road and started down a long dirt path. On either side of the road were stalks like he’d seen on the train.

“Is that corn?” Spock asked.

“Yep.” Jim nodded. “It’s good for playing hide and seek in.”

“On the train, I saw sheep.” Spock said, having almost forgot.

“Oh yeah? Our neighbor has some, maybe we can pet them.”

They finally arrived at a long dirt driveway that pulled up in front of a large wooden house. Spock gazed up at it and felt strangely cozy. He opened the door and stepped out.

“Come on, Spock! Come see Rosie!” Jim took off towards the backyard.

“But I must unpack my bags.” Spock started towards the back of the truck.

“My mom will do it, right mom?” Jim ran back and grabbed Spock’s wrist. “Come on!”

“It’s fine, honey.” Winona smiled. “I’ll just put these in Jim’s room, and you can unpack later.” She lowered the tailgate.

Spock noticed she called him honey just like his own mother did. Did his mother tell Winona to do that? Or perhaps that was just something all human mothers did.

Jim held Spock’s wrist tightly as he pulled him across the yard. He was not directly touching Spock’s skin, but Spock could still feel that they shared mutual excitement.

Spock wanted to stop and enjoy the grass and dirt, but he then took notice of what Jim was steering him towards. A long fence separated the backyard and the pasture. A cow stood right on the fence line, watching them. Spock gasped.

“She’s so cute, right?” Jim smiled, amused at how Spock’ feet began to drag as if he were shy. Jim dropped Spock’s wrist and approached the fence, reaching through to stroke the cow’s muzzle. “She’s not gonna hurt you, you know.”

Spock crept up slowly and looked at her. She looked so gentle and her eyes seemed to stare into his soul. He carefully reached through the fence and touched his hand to her fur.

“…Fascinating.”

“Hello there!”

Spock gasped and pulled his hand back. Jim laughed, and Spock looked up to see the source of the voice was not Rosie. Of course, she was not male and would not have an Irish accent if she could talk.

A man stood by Rosie and looked down at them. He was wearing earth-stained overalls and a wide smile. Spock had never seen a human with red hair before in real life.

“Hey!” Jim piped up. “Spock, this is Mr. O’Malley. He takes care of our animals and stuff. Mr. O’Malley, this is Spock. He’s my best friend from Vulcan.”

“Nice to meet you, lad. Jim has told me all about you. I hear they don’t have beauties like Rosie on Vulcan.” He grinned.

“No, Sir. They do not. She is quite fascinating.”

“Ain’t she? And smart too. Just like the chickens. Jim insists they can open the coop themselves!” He laughed.

“I swear it’s not me doing it!” Jim said. “It’s either the chickens or the cat. I have seen chicken feathers in Tabby’s claws, so…”

“Well, maybe I should step up with patrolling around here.” He chuckled.

Spock reached back through the fence and stroked Rosie’s muzzle. She sniffled and Spock tried not to flinch.

“O’Malley, can we feed Rosie? Please?” Jim asked, bouncing up and down on his toes.

“Sure, kids. I got her special fodder all ready. Up we go!”

Instead of walking down to the gate, O’Malley reached over and picked Jim up and placed him on the other side. He then reached over and grabbed Spock. Spock carefully lifted his legs to make sure his robe didn’t get caught on the barbed wire.

O’Malley went into the barn and came out with a bucket of fodder for Rosie. He said it was a special formula for her, and that every animal had their food specially engineered.

“It’s how their milk and eggs turn out so good.” He chuckled. “You like eggs, Spock?”

“Yes.” Spock nodded, though he’d never had chicken eggs.

He picked up a handful of the long green grass and held it out flat on his palm. Rosie took it eagerly, and Spock could feel her teeth graze his hand.

“Let’s feed the chickens too!” Jim said, grabbing Spock’s wrist again.

They carried a bucket of dried corn to the chicken coop. Jim threw handfuls on the floor and laughed when the chickens hopped around. Spock carefully placed pieces of feed in each stall, counting to make sure they were even. He heard a soft peep in one stall, and his eyes widened when he saw a tiny yellow ball of fluff staring back at him.

“A baby.” Spock gasped.

“Really? Finally! We’ve been waiting for it to hatch!” Jim popped up next to him and reached out to pick up the chick. At first, Spock was worried he’d be too rough with it, but he seemed to hold it with gentle care. “Aw, it’s so cute! Wanna hold it?”

Jim placed the chick in Spock’s cupped hands and he looked down at it. It was soft and yellow, and it seemed to be content with him. He felt the sudden urge to keep it forever, but he knew he could not. Soon, it would be a chicken, and he had no idea how to take care of one. Or a rooster.

“I think he likes you.” Jim smiled. “I think I’ll name him… Spock!”

“Is it a male?” Spock asked, wondering how Jim could tell.

“I dunno, but it’s a cute name either way!”

They carefully put Spock the chicken back in his nest before heading back outside. O’Malley was brushing one of the other cows, and Jim and Spock were eager to help.

“Ha, she’s so fat!” Jim laughed. “Oh, O’Malley, show Spock the thing! You know… the magic?”

“Magic?” Spock inquired, looking up from where’d he’d been counting careful even strokes of the brush.

“Ah, yes.” O’Malley approached Spock. “What’s that behind your ear, lad?”

“My ear?” Had he somehow gotten something back there? He was always so careful when washing.

“Ah ha!” He reached behind Spock’s ear before holding up a coin.

Spock immediately reached behind his own ear wondering how that had gotten there. He did not know of one planet that still used coin currency.

“How did you do that?” Spock asked as Jim roared with laughter.

“Why, I just got it behind your ear, of course!” He chuckled. “Here, you can keep it.”

He handed Spock the silver dollar. Spock examined it, holding it in one hand, as he felt behind his ear with the other. Jim was still giggling.

“How did he do that?” Spock whispered to Jim.

“Magic.” Jim grinned and grabbed Spock’s arm again. “Come on, I wanna show you something cool.”

Instead of grabbing Spock’s wrist, Jim grabbed Spock’s hand. Spock knew holding hands was considered a rude thing to do in public, but he could not bring himself to let go. Jim led him through the gate and across the backyards towards a line of trees.

“Where are we going?” Spock asked as the vegetation grew thicker, obscuring the sun and plunging them into darkness.

“You’ll see. Don’t worry, I play in these woods all the time. We won’t get lost.”

Spock trusted Jim’s navigational sense as they trampled over twigs and leaves. Spock kept pausing to untangle his robe from thorny vines. They never let go of each other’s hands, not even when Spock stumbled over a tree root.

Finally, they pushed aside a few low-hanging vines and came to a clearing. In the middle was an old stone well. Moss was growing on the sides, and the stone was cracked. It did not look as if anyone had been here in decades.

“I just think it’s cool.” Jim let go of Spock’s hands and carefully leaned over the edge of the well. Spock did the same and looked down. He could not see anything through the darkness, and he had no idea if there was even water at the bottom. “Hey! Echo!”

_Echo…echo…echo…_

“Wanna try?” Jim smirked and looked back up at Spock. Spock had heard his own echo before, one time coming to mind when he and he class visited an ancient Vulcan cavern last year. Still, he humored Jim.

“Good evening.” He said loudly into the well.

 _Evening…evening…evening._ Jim laughed.

“Now, make a wish. You still have your coin?”

“Yes.” Spock pulled out the silver dollar. “But I am not sure what you mean.”

“You make a wish and toss in the coin.” He explained. “I’ll do it to.”

“Wishes do not always come true.” Spock said. It was illogical. You had to work for what you wanted.

“They will if you do it at a wishing well. Or a fountain. Or birthday candles.” He seemed annoyed that Spock did not just accept it as fact. “Think of something you really want, and it’ll come true.”

“Alright.” Spock held the coin tight in his fist and closed his eyes. He did not have to think very long before he arrived at what he wanted.

_I wish Jim and I would be friends for the rest of our lives._

He opened his eyes and dropped the coin in the well. He listened and heard the sound of it hitting shallow water. He looked up at Jim expectantly and Jim smiled.

“Don’t tell me what you wished for, or else it won’t come true.”

“Alright.” Spock felt shy about what he’d wished for anyways, and he did not plan on disclosing it.

“Do you think this is lame?” Jim asked after a moment.

“No.” Spock replied. He’d just been fascinated by the moss and mushrooms growing nearby. “It is quite educational.”

“Good.” He smiled. “It’s just… I found this place all by myself one day when I was hiding. It’s so quiet and stuff. I really like it. I didn’t want you to think it was boring.” Jim sat down on the ground with his back against the well.

“It is not boring.” Spock sat down beside him. “I do find it fascinating. A relic of a simpler time before water was readily available in homes.”

“That’s why you’re so cool, Spock.” Jim said.

The sound of something traipsing through the woods startled Spock. A second later, Jim heard it too. Spock rose up to get a better look at what he thought was an animal, when Jim grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

“What is it?”

“Hide!” Jim hissed.

He pulled Spock back into a line of trees and crouched down in the shrubbery. Spock did the same, his stomach and chest pressed to the ground. Somehow, leaves had gotten under his robe and rubbed against his skin, but he still did not move.

He looked at Jim. His eyes were wide with fear, and his breathing was slow. The noise grew louder, and Spock looked back to see it was not an animal that emerged into the clearing, but a person.

“It is just your brother.” Spock said to Jim.

“Hey, kids, come on. Mom sent me to find you, and I know you’re out here.” Sam approached their hiding spot. “Come on, don’t you want dinner?”

Spock let go of Jim’s hand and crawled out from the bushes. He stood up and tried to brush the dirt and leaves off of him when Jim reluctantly joined him.

“Fine. What are we having?” Jim asked, still brushing off his arms.

Spock rolled up the sleeves of his robes and saw that it was not leaves making him itch. His skin was covered in green hives. He looked over to Jim to see he was looking down at his matching red ones.

“Oh no!” Sam several steps back from them. “You got into the poison ivy _again_?”

“Dammit.” Jim grumbled.

“Poison?” Spock gasped, feeling that the hives had already spread to his chest and stomach.

“Don’t worry, it’s not gonna kill us.” Jim said. “It just itches a lot. Last time I accidentally got in it, I had to take a bath with this special lotion in it. Hopefully we still have some.”

“Don’t touch me. I’m serious.” Sam led them out of the woods and across the yard.

Spock tried not to scratch so as not to spread the rash, but it was difficult to ignore. He also tried to think of anything he knew about poisonous plants, but he could only recall Vulcan ones.

He looked at Jim, who was scratching his arms as if he did not care about spreading it. He’d also apparently touched his face, as Spock could see red under his eye on one side.

“Wait here.” Sam said as they approached the house. He opened the front door and called inside. “Mom! Kids got into poison ivy!”

“Oh no!”

What happened next happened very fast. Winona took them inside and filled the tub with hot water and a whole bottle of the lotion. She then pulled off Spock’s robe and Jim’s clothes and put them in the tub.

The foam was so thick that it was impossible to see anything beneath it, not that Spock was even thinking about that in the slightest. He looked down at the rash covering his body. It burned, but immediately felt much better when he began to coat his arms and chest in the foam.

“I’m sorry about this.” Jim grumbled, slipping further under the water. “I should have remembered where the poison ivy was.”

“It is not your fault.” Spock said as he carefully washed himself. “But for future reference, I should research poison ivy, as well as poison oak to make sure we do not touch it again.”

“Man, and I bet the pizza is getting all cold.” Jim sighed.

“Pizza…” Now Spock was slightly upset.

Jim laughed and splashed Spock. Spock sent a weak splash back at Jim.

“You can do better than that!” Their splashing war finally ended when a wave of water went over the side of the tub and covered the floor. They peered over the edge at the soaked floor. “Oops.”

“What is going on in here?” Winona came in with towels and clothes for them.

“It wasn’t our fault.” Jim grinned. “The tub is just too small for us.”

“I find it fits adequately.” Spock mumbled.

“Oh, Spock!” Jim couldn’t stop laughing.

Spock carefully dried off and put on the clothes Winona had brought for him. It turned out to be something of Jim’s that had in turn been something of Sam’s. The shirt was so large that it came almost to his knees, and the print was so faded that he was not sure what it was supposed to say.

They then went to have their pizza. Spock’s was covered in vegetables, which he was very happy about. Jim’s was covered in various meats, and Spock wondered how he could eat that with Rosie just outside.

Vanilla ice cream was for desert. Jim banged his fists loudly on the table, chanting _yes, yes, yes,_ and making the silverware rattle. Spock had never had any before, but he was willing to try it, especially since Jim was so fond of it.

He found it was very sweet and very cold. Not entirely unenjoyable, but that was alright. The look of happiness on Jim’s face made up for it.

“Alright, now you guys can go play quietly in Jim’s room until bed time.” Winona said.

“Yeah, kids. The keyword here is _quietly._ ” Sam laughed.

Spock knew that on Vulcan is was polite for the guest to wash the dishes for the hosts after sharing a meal together, but he did not get the chance to offer. Jim grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs.

“Why does he get to call us kids?” Jim muttered, stomping on the steps.

“We are kids.” Spock pointed out.

“Yeah, but he’s acting like he’s so much older than us.”

“He is.”

“Oh, Spock. You don’t get it. Whatever.” Jim kicked his door open.

Spock wondered if perhaps he lacked the same point of view because he did not have siblings. The thought was gone however, when he saw Jim’s room.

In Spock’s own room, the furniture all matched. His curtains were the same color as his bedspread, and the carpet was very soft. He also had shelves were he kept all his things, so the floor was bare.

Jim’s room was the exact opposite. The furniture seemed to have all come from different places, and none of it matched. The bed was bare, as the blanket seemed to be where everything else was –on the floor. The hardwood floor was covered in toys and clothes and book. The only clear spot was the corner where Spock’s bags were.

“Sorry, I haven’t really had the chance to clean up in here.” Jim began picking up armloads of things from the floor and dropping them by the bed where he shoved them underneath.

“You’ve known I was coming for many weeks.” Spock pointed out, afraid to move lest he tripped over something.

“Okay, fine. I’ve just been lazy.” Jim put the blanket back on his bed and tried to discreetly hide a stuffed animal in his pillow case before putting the pillow back on the bed as well. He opened one of the bottom drawers of the dresser and took all of the contents out and shoved them in another drawer. “Here, you can have this drawer.”

“Thank you.” Spock unpacked all of his clothes and placed them neatly in the drawer.

“Let’s play chess!” Jim dumped out the board and pieces onto the clean spot of the floor.

Spock had a feeling that Jim only wanted to play because he enjoyed winning. Spock may not have had much chance to practice since they last played, but he was still determined to win.

He did not.

“Are you even trying?” Jim chuckled as he won their third game.

Spock did not mind losing. Despite Vulcans being fairly competitive. When Jim won, he would always look so happy. Spock figured that made it worth it.

“I assure you I am.” He also had yet to figure out _why_ Jim kept beating him.

“I think you just think too much. It’s better to just make it up as you go along.” Jim said, pausing to yawn.

“You are tired.” Spock observed.

“Nope.” Jim yawned again.

It was quite contagious, as soon Spock was yawning as well. He looked at the chronometer on Jim’s bedside table and saw that it was approaching his bedtime back on Vulcan.

“I am.” Spock said.

“Okay, okay.” Jim began packing up the board. “Maybe we can get up early tomorrow.

Spock unpacked his sleeping bag and unrolled it across the floor next to Jim’s bed. He then took his toiletry kit out of the drawer.

“Aren’t you going to brush your teeth too?” Spock asked Jim.

“Oh. Yeah.” Jim jumped up and followed him to the bathroom. “You got your fangs yet?” He asked as they brushed their teeth at the sink.

“No.” Spock said, his mouth full of toothpaste.

“Hm. One day, then. Wanna see my permanent teeth? It’s this one and this one.” He opened his mouth and pointed at them with his toothbrush. Spock observed, fascinated.

In Jim’s room, Spock laid down in his sleeping bag. Jim turned off the lights, but left the hall light on and the door ajar. He got into his bed and looked down at Spock.

“Psst. Hey.”

“Hello.”

“Are you sleeping yet?” He whispered.

“No. I just said something.” Spock pointed out.

“Well, some people talk in their sleep.”

“True.”

There was a moment of silence. Spock closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, when Jim started talking again.

“Do you miss your mom and dad?”

“Somewhat.” It didn’t occur to Spock to lie.

“Yeah, sometimes I miss my mom when she’s gone for a while. I never miss my dad, though.”

“Why is that?”

“Cuz I’ve never met him. He died when I was just born, so how am I supposed to miss him, you know?”

“Yes, that does make sense.” Spock had never heard Jim talk about his father. He wondered if that meant Jim really trusted him.

This time when it fell silent, Spock did not immediately try to fall asleep in case Jim was just thinking of something to say. Spock listened intently, and only heard crickets outside in addition to Jim breathing.

“Are you comfortable down there?” Jim asked after a minute.

“Yes. My sleeping bag is very comfortable. It is specially padded as it is actually intended for use on the ground.”

“Oh.” Jim was silent for a minute. “Because, if you weren’t, I was gonna say you could sleep up here. You know, with me.”

“Would you like me to get in bed with you?” Spock asked.

“If you want.” Jim sounded very nonchalant, but grinned excitedly when Spock unzipped his sleeping bag and got into bed beside Jim before draping the sleeping bag over them like a blanket. He laid his head down on Jim’s pillow and closed his eyes. “You’re really warm!”

“Vulcan body temperature is higher than humans.” Spock said. He kept his eyes closed, but could not sleep, as Jim was wiggling constantly. His feet kicked against Spock’s ankles. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry, I’m still a little itchy. And my arms hurt. And my legs hurt.” Jim sighed and wiggled some more, causing the sleeping bag to slip off of them and fall onto the floor.

“Jim –”

“And I need a drink. And I need to pee.”

“Alright.” Spock sighed and sat up. “You go to the bathroom, and I will get you a drink from the kitchen.”

“Juice?” He grinned hopefully.

“No. You already brushed your teeth. You can have water.” Spock said firmly.

Jim glared at Spock before sticking his tongue out. Spock mimicked the gesture, causing Jim to erupt into a stifled fit of laughter.

“Geez, I’m gonna pee myself. Move.” Jim jumped down from the bed and ran towards the door.

“Do not forget to wash your hands.” Spock called after him.

Spock then quietly snuck out into the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. He got a glass of water before heading back up. When he got back to Jim’s room, Jim was sitting on the bed with feign innocence.

“Did you wash your hands?” Spock asked.

Jim ignored him and took the glass. He then drank all of the water in several gulps. Spock sighed, knowing this would mean Jim would just have to go back to the bathroom shortly.

Spock got back into bed beside Jim and closed his eyes. A moment later, he could feel Jim poking him in the ear.

“Pointy… pointy…” He whispered and laughed.

“Jim, you are being annoying.” Spock said flatly.

“I can’t help it!” He sighed. “I feel restless.”

“Perhaps I can help.” Spock got up and crawled to the foot of the bed.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked.

“Vulcan acupressure for relaxation.” Spock put Jim’s feet in his lap and tried to mimic the way his father had done it. Immediately, Jim began kicking and laughing.

“That tickles!”

“It would not if you held still.” Spock grabbed Jim’s ankles and put his feet firmly back down. “Try to relax.”

“Fine.” Jim crossed his arms over his chest. Spock went back to work, rubbing Jim’s feet with gentle pressure. After Jim was silent for a while, Spock glanced up to see if he’d fallen asleep, but his eyes were still open. “That feels good.”

“It is an ancient Vulcan technique.” Spock vowed to do more research on it so he could perfect it.

“Hey… Thanks for not making fun of me today at the well. I know wishes and stuff like that aren’t real. I just think it’s cool.”

“It was interesting.”

“So, you weren’t just saying that?”

“No.”

“Oh. Good. I mean, I tried to show my other friend Johnny, but he didn’t really care about it. I mean, he didn’t appreciate it like you did. That’s why I like you, Spock. You think about stuff differently, like an alien, but you also do stuff like a human. You’re like both. Like a combo.”

“A half-breed.” Spock whispered under his breath.

“Huh?” Jim sat up enough to look at him. “What’d you say?”

Spock could feel himself blushing with shame and rage as he remembered what Doctor Tolek had said. Spock had tried to forget it over the past few months, but it was harder to do knowing that it was an adult who openly held those bigotries.

“Do you… recall when I broke my arm?”

“Yeah.”

Spock was not sure what made him want to confide in Jim when he could not even do so to his own parents, until the thought about how Jim had told Spock about his father and had taken him to the well. It was a sign of trust to tell someone something that others might judge you for. Spock found himself relaying the whole story.

“He called me a… half-breed.” Spock’s face burned.

“Is that bad?”

“Yes!” Spock blurted, before quickly reeling in his emotions. “It is the worst thing someone like me can be called.”

“Well, fuck that guy then! Even if he is a doctor. Doctors are supposed to be nice. How can he hate you for being you, when he doesn’t even know you! You’re awesome!” Jim sat up all the way and crossed his legs. “Serious, Spock. I bet he’s just jealous that you’re smarter and cooler than his dumb kid.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock realized he did feel better, even if the last bit that Jim said did not sound likely.

It was very late now. Jim yawned and laid back down. Spock quickly did the same, covering them with the blanket. Jim closed his eyes, and just to make sure he would not grow restless, Spock reached out and held Jim’s hand.

He had not meditated in a while, so his shields were not as strong as they should be. Instead of restless energy, Spock felt drowsiness and contentment. His hand was also very warm, despite his human nature.

“Hey…Spock…” Jim sounded on the verge of sleep.

“Yes?”

“You’re my very best friend.”

Spock felt his blush return, but this time not for a negative reason. Spock knew Jim liked him, but he also knew Jim had many friends and girlfriends at school. He never expected that _he_ would be Jim’s best friend.

“You are my best friend also.” Spock whispered. It was easy to say. He had no other friends.

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

Spock stayed awake for a bit longer in case Jim said something else, but this time he seemed to have actually fallen asleep. The only sounds were the crickets outside, and Jim breathing. Spock closed his eyes and rhythmically matched his breathing to Jim’s until he also fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of bright gold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sarek buying spock cinnabon is a forever mood.
> 
> if you like this, please review and kudos :-) also pls consider following me on tumblr! @frappuccinio


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning in chapter 3 for brief mentions/discussion of a miscarriage, and mild discussion of past domestic abuse.

Summer in Riverside was quite different than summer on Vulcan. Spock quickly realized that, as well as realizing everyday was an opportunity to learn something. Even with the privilege of getting to sleep in, as humans said, Spock still found himself waking up much earlier than Jim.

He spent this time meditating on the floor. Utterly unmoving and with shallow breath, Jim once confessed he thought Spock had fallen asleep sitting up.

He also wrote to his mother and father. It was quieter than calling, and emails meant they could read it on their own time. He still called his mother as much as possible, but he noticed his father was usually at work when he had the time to do so.

Spock’s emails detailed the leisurely activities he and Jim did, such as playing hide-and-seek in the cornstalks, and swimming in the creek. Spock was quite reluctant to get into what seemed like dirty water, but he also did not want Jim to call him a baby.

 In addition to emails, Spock kept reports on every instance of fascination, and there were a lot. Every day, Spock fed and weighed his namesake, the chick. Spock the chick was growing at a healthy rate and soon was large enough to hop down from his roost and follow Jim and Spock around the yard. Jim liked to pretend it was their baby and they were the parents. Spock the chick was much more compliant than Tabby the cat, who bared her claws when Jim was too rough.

But nothing was as fascinating as Jim.

Jim had proficient knowledge of every sport. He taught Spock how to play baseball, and even though they could hardly play a real game with just two of them (three, when Sam felt nice enough to join them), Spock still found it quite enjoyable.

Jim had a surprising amount of knowledge in the strategy involved. Spock had the unsurprising ability to home runs easily. Jim finally had to tell him that if he insisted on hitting the ball so hard, he’d have to be the one to go get it.

Every moment Jim’s attention was off of him, Spock’s PADD was out, documenting something about his fascinating human subject.

_Jim Kirk enjoys an unhealthy amount of syrup on his pancakes._

_Jim Kirk is a master at chess, but he uses a strategy I have yet to understand._

_Jim Kirk finds comfort in holding a stuffed dog while he sleeps. He does not know that I know this._

_Jim Kirk has blue eyes. This is a rare trait in humans. It is considered beautiful._

Spock had no qualms with writing this, as he was the only person who was ever going to read it. He knew he could hardly become a published scientist by writing about a human boy, but he could not help how Jim fascinated him.

“Are you writing about me again?”

It was late June. Spock was sitting on the wooden swing on the back porch. He’d been watching Jim attempt to build an obstacle course for Spock the chick, but it was evident that the chick was not going to jump through hoops.

“No.” Spock lied, dropping his eyes down to his PADD.

“Yes, you are. I can tell because you keep looking over at me when you write. What do you do that for anyways? Are you sending that to other people?” Jim sat beside Spock and began to gently rock the swing.

“No. This is just for… practice.” Spock quickly closed it so that Jim could not read over his shoulder.

“Practice for what?”

“For my career in science.” Spock said.

“That… I should have known.” Jim laughed. “I should have known that’s what you wanted to be. It’s the perfect job for a nerd like you.”

Spock did not know if that was a compliment or not, but he decided that it had to be. After all, Jim displayed many nerdy qualities himself, one being that he actually enjoyed when Spock read aloud to him from some of his science books.

“My parents are pleased that I already have a career decided. I do not suppose humans choose so early. I am sure you do not have one, do you?”

“Wrong!” Jim imitated a loud buzzer. “I know _exactly_ what I’m gonna be!”

“You do?”

“Yep! I’m gonna be a stunt driver! On either motorcycles or cars. Maybe both. I’ll be in movies, and stuff. It’ll be so cool.” He grinned.

“Do you know how to drive a car?” Spock asked. Vulcans needed to be at least fourteen years of age to get a license. Spock figured the age would be even higher here.

“Sort of.” He averted his gaze. “Hm… follow me. I wanna show you something.”

He got down from the swing and Spock followed. They walked around to the other side of the house to the garage door. Jim dropped to the ground and began pulling up the metal door. It only budged a fraction of an inch.

Spock quickly went to help, moving it about a foot. Jim squeezed under the gap and a moment later, flipped the switch the open the door all the way.

Spock had never been in the Kirk’s garage. Winona’s truck was always parked in the driveway. There was a door to the garage in the kitchen, but that was always locked. Spock did not expect to see a shiny red car sitting in the middle of the garage.

“Cool, right?” Jim seemed to be looking for some sort of reaction from Spock.

“It is red.” Spock was unsure what to say. Obviously, this was important to Jim, but Spock was not very good at knowing what to say all the time.

“It was my dad’s. It’s a really nice kind.” He walked around the side and Spock followed. “Old too, but he was obsessed with keeping it up.”

Hidden behind one of the back tires was the key. Jim unlocked the car and got in the driver’s seat. Spock got in the back seat.

“What are you doing? Sit up front.” Jim said.

“I am not tall enough to sit up front.” Spock replied.

“We’re not gonna really drive, you dork.” Jim rolled his eyes. “You don’t even have to wear a seatbelt.”

Spock got out and went to the front. He got in and resisted the habitual urge to reach for the seatbelt. It was strange to sit up front. The console and dashboard seemed so ancient compared to what Spock was used to.

“You plan on doing stunts in this?” Spock asked.

“Hell no. Not this. It’s too nice. My mom would freak out. She won’t even let us sit in it. She’d freak out if she saw us now.” Jim put his hands on the steering wheel and grinned. Spock noticed that Jim was too short to see over the steering wheel, and his feet did not reach the pedals.

“Then this is for sentimental value?” Spock asked, making sure to keep his hands to himself.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Frank tried to sell it. I think that was the final straw for my mom. He tried to fire O’Malley and sell all our animals too. I started freaking out, cuz I love those animals. Then he started calling me names and stuff.”

Spock was silent. He knew nothing of what happened when Jim’s mother was married and he never asked. Jim had brought it up before, but never like this.

“He tried to take the car…but I wouldn’t let him. I laid down on the floor in front of it. I told him he’d have to run me over if he wanted to take it!” Jim gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

“Did he…try?” Spock was not sure he really wanted to know the answer.

“Kinda.” He revved the engine, but then Sam pulled me out of the way. “My mom told him to get the hell out of the house and she was calling the cops. Then he tried to hit her. But, like, she’s in Starfleet. She’s got combat training. She kicked his ass. Then she sent us upstairs to pack.”’

“Pack?”

“For San Francisco. We went to stay there a little while with Uncle Pike. I usually like going there, but that time I could tell my mom was really sad. And the snow made it to where I thought it’d be too cold to play outside.” He looked over at Spock and smiled. “Then I saw you outside. You were trying to climb _up_ the slide the wrong way.”

Again, Spock was silent. That was quite a lot to take in. The fact that Jim was sharing that with him made Spock feel special. Jim knew he could trust Spock with anything. Spock could handle almost anything Jim wanted to tell him, Spock just did not always know how to respond.

“I am sorry that happened to you.” Spock said. He did not like the idea of Jim getting hurt at all. He felt oddly enraged at the thought. That was very unVulcan. It was also unVulcan to keep touching Jim’s hand, but he did it anyways.

He reached over and placed his hand on top of Jim’s. Immediately his grip slackened from the wheel and he dropped his hand to the space between their seats. Spock kept his hand on Jim’s.

“Yeah. I… hate him. I know he’s never coming back, but I still get worried sometimes. I mean, he knows where we live. He could just show up if he wanted.”

“Your mother will not let that happen.” Spock was sure of that.

“It still bothers me.”

“I understand.” Spock knew that even though there was no way Stonn would ever try to hurt him again now that their instructors knew to keep an eye on them, but he still worried. After all, there was an entire planet outside the school grounds for Stonn to catch him in.

“Wanna see something else?” Jim opened the glove compartment and took something out. It was a case full of pages and pages of CDs. “There’s a CD player in here. You know, my dad collected these. Some are really old.”

“Classical music?” Spock had never seen a compact disc before. All the music his parents had was digital. It must have taken a while to find all of these.

“Yep.” Jim took one out and put it in the CD player.

Spock could tell it was classical based on the use of electric guitar and loud lyrics. This was not the sort of thing that Spock’s parents approved of. Sarek was always wanting Spock to listen to classical Vulcan music. It was quite different.

“You enjoy this music?” Spock asked loudly, resisting the urge to put his hands over his ears.

“Sure, it’s cool!” Jim got out and walked around the other side to open Spock’s door. “Come dance with me.”

“Vulcans do not dance.” Spock said. Despite this, he got out and stood in front of Jim.

“Sometimes your species sounds so _lame.”_ Jim sighed. He began dancing circles around Spock. Spock just stood still, his hands behind his back, as he watched. Humans were so odd. He’d have to put this in his research.

Only Spock could hear the sound of the door to the kitchen unlocking over the sound of the music. Winona stood in the doorway and sighed.

Jim froze and turned to face her. His innocence was not very believable, since both car doors were still open. Spock froze as well. If Winona was going to _freak out,_ as Jim had put it, then Spock was not sure what he was going to do.

“Oh, you guys can keep dancing if you want.” She smiled, leaning against the doorframe. “I love that song too. Your father had no shame and would dance around this whole house…sweeping me off my feet.” She seemed to be looking at something very far away, and sighed.

“Vulcans don’t dance.” Jim repeated what Spock had said. “Not even salsa.” He attempted it before putting his hand near Spock’s ear and loudly snapping his fingers. Winona laughed and took her sons hands. Jim balanced on her feet and she danced with him.

Spock managed a small smile as he watched them. He wondered if his mother could dance, and perhaps she gave it all up when she got to Vulcan. She used to pick him up all the time before he got too heavy. Could he have danced on her feet too?

“What the heck is all the noise?” Sam stood at the doorway to the kitchen and watched his mother and brother dancing.

“Dance party.” Jim said.

“Are you using Dad’s CDs?” He looked at Winona.

“Duh.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“You’re letting him do that?” Sam asked Winona.

“Well, they’d just collect dust otherwise. It’s nice to use them once in a while…and remember.” She let go of Jim’s hands and leaned against the car. “You boys weren’t touching the steering wheel, were you?”

“Nope.” Jim said quickly.

Spock shook his head. He had not touched anything. Jim silently took Spock hand and pulled him inside, leaving Winona trying to coerce Sam into dancing with her.

“Geez, that was weird.” Jim said as they climbed the stairs. “I really expected her to be mad we were touching my dad’s stuff.”

“Perhaps she is glad you are showing interest in it, and she knows you value it and would not harm it.” Spock said. Truthfully, he was not sure his explanation for human behavior was the right one.

“That reminds me. I wanna show you this.” They went into Jim’s room and Jim opened his backpack. Among old school books and papers was a black case. He took it out and opened it. “It’s my recorder I got from music class.”

It reminded Spock of a flute, but perhaps it was easier to play. Spock had never tried a wind instrument before, so he wouldn’t know.

“Fascinating.”

“Right? I knew you’d appreciate it. Our teacher told us to practice this summer, but I bet no one else in my class is.”

“I brought something to show you, as well.” Spock went to the corner where most of his luggage was neatly stacked and took out the case for his lute.

“Woah, you really know how to play that thing?” Jim asked as Spock took it out and sat with it.

“Yes.” Spock played the scaled.

Jim smiled and sat down across from him before playing the same scales in response on the recorder. It was a strange combination.

“I wish I had something that wasn’t so dumb.” Jim sighed. “Like a guitar. Maybe, instead of a stunt driver, I could be a rock star!”

“Perhaps.” Spock was not sure either of those careers were sustainable, but he did not want to say that.

Jim smiled at him and played a simple tune on recorder. Spock played the same tune in response on lute. It was strange and fascinating how they both knew the same songs. With more thought, Spock was sure that the first song he learned must have been by a human composer. No Vulcan would write a song about a child taking a lamb to school.

“That was interesting.” Spock said when Jim finished a song. “I have never heard it.”

“What? You’ve never heard twinkle twinkle little star? Everyone knows that song!” He laughed. “Here, I’ll play it again.”

When he was done, Spock attempted to repeat it on lute and found it was quite easy.

“That’s so cool.” Jim said. “That you can play stuff just from hearing it.”

“That was part of my music class.” Spock explained. “Identifying notes by ear and being able to repeat them. It helps that our ears are so sensitive.”

They could still distantly hear the classic rock coming from the garage. Enjoyable was not the way Spock would describe it, but Jim seemed to like it. And the way the sound was muffled through the house did make it more tolerable.

They spent the afternoon playing their instruments together. Spock was not as rusty as he thought he’d be. He even briefly considered rejoining the music class when he returned to school, until he realized playing music with the other Vulcans was not going to be as fun as playing with Jim.

Perhaps he would just practice on his own and play for only Jim.

 

 

“Guess what’s today?!” Jim jumped up and down on the bed.

“W-What?” Spock’s eyes flew open and he was bounced up and down. It was quite rare for Jim to wake up before Spock, and even rarer for him to have this much energy this early.

“Go on, guess.” Jim landed with a bounce next to Spock.

“Hm.” Spock yawned and tried to recall if anything was special today. “…Sunday. I do not know.”

“It’s the Fourth of July parade!” He looked like he expected Spock to be just as excited, but Spock was not sure what to think.

“Parade?” Spock yawned again. “I have never been to one, so I am not sure what it entails.”

“It’s awesome!” Jim threw his hands in the air. “Well, the parade part is kinda for babies, but the other stuff is fun! There’s food and games and stuff. And my favorite thing tonight –fireworks!”

“Fireworks?” Spock stifled another yawn. “I have never seen those either.”

“Well, they’re cool. So, come on. Get up! Get dressed!” Jim got up and began jumping on the bed again.

“Alright.” Spock got out of bed and went to the drawer with his clothes. As he opened it, he realized that if they would be spending the day in town, he would be faced with many stares.

Last time he and Jim had gone to town for the day, everyone had stared at them. Jim had said to ignore them, but Spock was sure the streets would be even more crowded today with people who’d never seen a Vulcan child before.

“What’s up?” Jim stopped jumping when he noticed Spock’s hesitation.

“Perhaps I should dress different today. I believe it would be in my best interest to blend in if I am going to be around so many humans.”

“Okay. You wanna borrow some of my clothes?” Jim jumped high off the bed and landed on the floor. He then ran to the closet and began sorting through the clothes on the floor. “Here!”

He tossed a shirt at Spock and it landed on his head. Spock took it off and held it out by the shoulders. It was green with a picture of a spaceship on it. A tiny green alien was waving from inside.

“This is too conspicuous.” Spock said. “I am attempting to resemble a human boy.”

“Okay, what about this one?” He tossed it over. It was a blue shirt with a picture of a robot on it.  “He actually lights up when you wear it.”

“Inconspicuous.” Spock reminded him. “Lights will draw attention.”

“Fine, fine.” He rooted around the pile a moment longer. “Here! Or, wait, is yellow too conspicuous or whatever?”

It was a yellow shirt with a picture of the sun on it. The sun was wearing sunglasses. Spock was certain that there was a joke in there somewhere.

 “It is fine.” Spock took off his pajamas and put the shirt on. After sitting in a pile of all of Jim’s clothes for so long, it smelled strongly like him. Spock secretly liked that. “May I have some pants?”

“Yep. Here.” He handed Spock some jeans. Spock put them on along with his shoes and socks.

“Ha, we match!” Jim grinned. He was also wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “We’re like twins!”

“Yes.” Spock sighed. “I just wish I had a way to better hide my alien features. I do not want to be stared at today.”

“Oh! Put this on!” Jim handed him a sweatshirt with a hood. Spock put it on and put the hood over his head. He looked in the mirror above the dresser. He did look quite ordinary. Like a human boy. Jim smiled at their reflections. “Cool.”

“Cool.” Spock repeated.

They went downstairs to where Winona and Sam were waiting. Winona was wearing her Starfleet uniform, and her hair was tied back as per regulations.

“I’ll make sure to toss extra candy your way, kids.” She laughed.

“Mom, the parade is for babies. I’m not watching it this year.” Jim said.

“Oh, not even to see your mommy?” She asked teasingly. “Just make sure you stay where Sam can see you.”

“Why did you dress him up like you?” Sam asked, looking at Spock. “Are you guys pretending to be twins or something?”

“No!” Jim’s face turned red. “Mind your own business.”

 They all went out and got in Winona’s truck. Jim and Spock squeezed up front in the passenger’s seat, while Sam climbed into the back.

“Is he safe back there? There are not restraints.” Spock said, looking through the back window.

“Good.” Jim grumbled, crossing his arms. “Maybe he’ll fall out.”

They drove into town, and Spock’s eyes widened when he saw how many people were out on the streets. Before, it was quite vacant, with only a few shops open until dark, not it seemed like the streets and sidewalks were packed. Helium balloons were tied onto carts and booths that all seemed to be advertising food and games.

“Yes! Look! Prizes!” Jim grabbed Spock’s shoulder and pointed. “I bet we can win those no problem!”

“Alright,” Winona managed to find a parking space. “I’ve got to go help with parade prep. Remember, do not get lost. Stay with Sam, okay?”

“’Kay.” Jim hopped out and Spock followed.

“Okay.” Sam looked at them when Winona was out of ear shot. “Well, see ya’”

“Wait, where is he going? Isn’t he supposed to be watching us?” Spock asked as Sam stood by the cross-walk light, waiting for the sign to change.

“We’re just gonna let my mom think he was watching us all day.” Jim explained. “But really, he’s just gonna let us go around on our own. We can do whatever we want without him tagging along.”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna cramp your style. I’m gonna go see if some of the girls from my class are here. Bye.” He started across the street.

“Well, I don’t need girls, I’ve got Spock!” Jim reached for Spock’s hand. For some reason, Sam thought that was very amusing. Spock could hear him laughing until he was out of ear shot. Jim tugged his hand. “Let’s go play a game.”

In the front pocket of Spock’s hoodie was his PADD. He took pictures of the balloons and games and sent them to his parents. It was odd that they hadn’t responded yet. Didn’t they find these festivities fascinating?

There was a game set up in one booth where you had to knock down bottles with a baseball to win a prize. Jim, who was keeping track of their tickets, was willing to drop two at a chance to try. He took the baseball and threw it. It narrowly missed the bottle on the top of the stack.

“Dammit.” He sighed. “You wanna try?”

Spock took the ball and took a step back. He took a deep breath and tried to drown out the sounds of chatter and music coming from the other booths. He threw the ball and it hit the center bottle, causing the whole pyramid to fall.

“Wahoo! Good job, Spock!” Jim cheered, and Spock felt his face grow warmer.

“Kid, you wanna see if you can do that again?” The man attending the booth asked. “Three in a row gets you that.”

He pointed to a large stuffed bear. Spock wasn’t sure he wanted to carry that around all day, but then Jim smiled and gave him two thumbs up.

“Alright.” Spock nodded.

The bottles were set up again. Spock took a deep breath and threw again. All of the bottles were knocked down once again.

“Yes!” Jim clapped his hands.

“Wow! Good job!” A voice said. Spock turned to see a few girls carrying prizes and ice creams approach them. “Hey, Jimmy. Is your friend new?”

“Hm. Sort of.” Jim didn’t look at her.

“Where’s he from? He’s a little off looking?” She snickered. She whispered something to one of the other girls and they all laughed. “Look at those eyebrows!”

Spock tried to ignore them. He could now feel his heart beating very fast in his side and he suddenly felt very warm, despite always feeling cool on Earth.

“You can do it, Spock.” Jim said as the man at the booth gave Spock the last ball.

Spock tossed it and missed widely. The girls nearby started laughing like crazy. Jim quickly grabbed Spock’s hand and pulled him away. They were walking very fast through the crowd. It was hard for Spock to keep up without tripping over the unrolled cuffs of his jeans.

“That was close.” Jim only dropped Spock’s hand when they were some ways away in a patch of grass. He sighed.

“I am sorry that I did not win.” Spock said.

“That’s okay.” Jim smiled. “I understand. Julie was laughing at you just cuz she was jealous you were winning, you know.”

“It is very…unVulcan,” Spock sighed. “To care what others think of you.”

“I think this is okay, though. _No one_ likes being talked about like that. Forget them, let’s go get some ice cream.”

They sat in the grass and ate vanilla soft-serve. Spock looked down at his PADD and saw his messages to his parents were still unread. He looked over at Jim, who was trying to quickly eat his melting cone. Spock had opted to have his in a cup for less of a mess.

If those were in Jim’s class, could that mean they were the girlfriends Jim had told him about? That made Spock feel…odd. There was then the fact that Jim hadn’t really wanted to talk to them, and he’d said he’d rather be with Spock than any girl anyways. That made him feel…better.

“Hey, let’s walk to the high school field. They’ve got more stuff going on there.” Jim looked at him, ice cream running down his chin.

Spock held up his PADD and snapped a picture.

The high school field had more games, these being ran by high school students. Spock noticed Sam was by one of the booths talking to a much older girl. She did not seem to be too captivated by the conversation.

“You want some cotton candy?” Jim asked.

“I do not think we should have any more sugar.” Spock was not even sure what cotton candy was.

“Speak for yourself!” Jim bough a large wad of pink fluff and began shoving it into his mouth.

“Alright folks!” A woman’s voice was projected loudly from a megaphone. “Everyone who wants to enter the race, line up behind the yellow cones! Remember, the winner gets a certificate for a free pizza at Joe’s!”

“Pizza…” Spock whispered.

“I was just thinking the same thing!” Jim shoved the rest of the cotton candy in his mouth. “Let’s go!”

Spock and Jim lined up behind the cones at one end of the field. Several other children were also lined up. Spock made sure his hood was up so they would not stare.

“Here you go!” The woman with the megaphone came down the line and handed every other person a rope.

“What is this for?” Spock asked.

“Oh, I see, it’s a three-legged race.” Jim laughed.

“I only have two legs.” Spock reminded him.

“I know that, you nerd.” Jim bent down and began tying the rope around his ankle. “You tie your leg to your partner’s leg so you have three legs all together. Then, you run like that.”

“That seems difficult.”

“That’s the point.”

“Okay, everyone!” The woman spoke into the megaphone. “Get ready!” On your marks….get set…”

“We got this.” Jim whispered, gripping Spock’s hand.

“Go!”

Spock had been right. It was difficult at first. Spock was faster than Jim, meaning Jim’s right leg was lagging behind. He started to fall back, but Spock held Jim’s hand tight. Once they got the hang of it, they went zooming past the other teams

One team of two girls fell over and Spock and Jim passed them easily. They were neck-and-neck with another team, who tripped just before the finish line.

Jim and Spock crossed the finish line before Jim’s hand slipped from Spock’s and he fell back onto the grass. The tug at his leg made Spock fall too, but that did not matter. They won.

“We have a winning team, folks!” The woman shouted. “Jimmy Kirk and his friend are proud owners of the pizza certificate! Here you go, kids!”

“Wahoo!” Jim stood up and grabbed the piece of paper. His leg was still tied to Spock’s, but Spock chose not to stand up just yet. The angle of the golden sun bounced off Jim’s hair and highlighted his elated smile.

Spock reached into his pocket for his PADD and snapped another picture.

The parade was starting just as Jim and Spock were out of game tickets. Spock had managed to win a ring tossing game. He got a stuffed dog that smelled like strawberries. Jim and Spock had also won a water balloon tossing game. Jim had won a stuffed cat with a bow tie.

“Let’s get go find Sam. If my mom sees us without him, she’ll jump out of the float and kill us, she really will.”

They eventually found him near the front of the high school. The sidewalk was so packed that Jim held Spock’s hand so they wouldn’t get separated. They squeezed their way to the front of the crowd.

“Look. We won free pizza!” Jim nudged Sam and showed him the certificate.

“Well, I got a girl’s phone number.” He replied.

“I think our prize is better.” Jim whispered in Spock’s ear. Spock nodded.

Spock could hear distant music just as everyone began pointing down the street. Spock craned his neck and saw the parade approaching.

Each float represented something in Riverside. There was one made for local businesses and the schools as well. The one for the elementary school came by and Jim pointed.

“That’s my school! Look, there’s my handprint in yellow!”

The white banner was decorated with the hand-prints of tiny children. Spock spotted a yellow one up top and knew that was the one Jim meant.

Most of the floats had people tossing candy. The sheriff’s squad car rode by and he tossed boxes of something. Spock picked up one of the tiny boxes off the sidewalk.

“Nerds.” He read the box.

“Ha! Like you.” Jim nudged him. “Look, there’s my mom!”

Winona was riding on a float decorated for Starfleet. The banner was covered in stars and there was a model starship on top. Winona saluted the crowd and they all cheered.

She spotted them and waved before tossing some candy. Spock picked up another box of the nerds as well as a peppermint. That seemed acceptable for a Vulcan to eat. He popped it in his mouth and savored the cool taste.

The sun was going down when the final float passed. Spock could say that a parade was a new experience, but not one he wanted to repeat. Several of the cars, such as the fire engine, were much too loud. Spock had to clamp his hands over his ears until it was gone.

“Man…I’m beat.” Jim said as they walked back to the field. “But next is the fireworks, and that’s the best part!”

“I am also eager to see fireworks.” Spock said. “They sound fascinating.:

The field was now mostly clear of booths and games. People were setting out folding chairs and blankets to watch the fireworks. Winona was laying down a quilt just as they approached.

“I saw you guys watching the parade.” She smiled. “I thought you said it was just for babies?”

“What, and miss seeing my mommy?” Jim asked innocently. She laughed as they sat down on the blanket. “Where’s Sam?”

“He’s sitting with his friends, but I’m glad one of my babies is here.” She sat down and Jim laid his head in her lap. She stroked his hair and he seemed just as content as he did when Spock did acupressure on his feet.

It got darker and darker outside as every light in the school and on the field was turned off. The only source of light was the slowly disappearing streak of orange from the sun.

Jim reached for Spock’s hand in the darkness just as it was time for the fireworks to start. Everyone was silent as the first streak of light launched into the air.

Spock did not even notice the beautiful color. The noise was so loud that it seemed to rattle every nerve in his body. He dropped Jim’s hand and covered his ears. The booming grew louder and more frequent. It was too much. His ears couldn’t take it.

“No…no…no…” Spock mumbled, curling up. He buried his head in his lap but the sound did not go away. The booming seemed to shake the Earth beneath him. It shook his whole body. He couldn’t breathe.

Was he dying?

“Spock! What’s wrong?!” Jim’s panicked voice just seemed to amplify Spock’s own sense of panic.

“Too…loud.” Spock couldn’t even hear his own voice over the blood rushing in his ears.

He was barely aware when Winona picked him up and carried him off the field with Jim running alongside them with the blanket trailing behind him like a cape.

The inside of the truck was so quite that Spock could hear his own shallow breathing once more. His eyes were still shut. He almost opened them, when he felt Jim wrap the blanket around him and begin stroking his head. It felt so nice that he wanted to savor it.

“Just breath.” Winona said.

“Spock…are you okay?” Jim asked quietly.

Spock opened his eyes a fraction of an inch. It was quite dark in the truck. The only light was coming from the stars outside. The booming of the fireworks sounded much farther away.

“I…believe so.” Spock looked down at his hand to see Jim was holding it. “I am not sure what happened to me.”

“I think you had a panic attack from how loud it was.” Winona said. “Just keep breathing. We’ll head home and you can lie down.”

“Your ears are really sensitive.” Jim looked at him. “I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault.” Spock said.

He felt much better in the dark and quiet car with Jim squished beside him. He closed his eyes again and felt Jim slowly stroking his hair.

He kept his eyes closed when they parked so that Winona would carry him inside. It was a tactic he often used to get his father to carry him to bed when he didn’t want to climb the stairs.

She placed him on the sofa and wrapped the blanket around him. Jim jumped up beside him and Spock felt him tug off his shoes and socks. He did not expect Jim to try and rub his feet.

“That tickles…” Spock instinctively pulled his feet away.

“Sorry.” Jim chuckled. “I was just trying to make you feel better.”

“I appreciate it, but you do not have to do that.” Spock tucked his feet back under the blanket. Truthfully, he did not want it to tickle too much to the point where he involuntarily laughed. That would be highly illogical.

“Here you guys go.” Winona brought them two cups of tea. “There’s some honey if you want it.”

Jim dumped a liberal about of honey in his tea. Spock sipped his plain. Honey made him think about his mother. He took out his PADD and checked to see if his parents had replied to anything yet, and saw that had not.

“I will be right back. I want to call my parents.” Spock said, placing his tea cup on the coffee table.

“Okay.” Jim got up and went to the video screen. “I’ll put on some cartoons for us.”

Spock did not object and took his PADD upstairs to Jim’s room. He sat on the bed and called his parents. It rang for a while, so he was not sure they were in range of their own video screen. He considered trying his parent’s PADD or phone, when his father appeared on screen.

“Hello, Spock.” He did not offer any other sort of greeting.

“Hello, Father. I was wondering why you or mother have not replied to my messages. I found it odd. I admit I was worried.” Spock hoped he would not be reprimanded for that.

“Your Mother has been…sick. She has been staying in the hospital for the past twenty-four hours.” Sarek said.

“Sick? Is she alright now? What was wrong?” Spock felt his panic threatening to return.

“That is irrelevant. She is…fine now.” Sarek almost sounded like his ordinary logical self, but Spock could tell there was something else he was not saying.

“Let me see her.” Spock demanded. “Now.”

“Very well.” Sarek said.

In a moment, Amanda was on screen. Her usually carefully curled hair was limp. She looked as if she’d been crying heavily, and was not far off from starting up again.

“Hi, baby. Are you having fun? I miss you so much.” She tried to give him a smile.

“I miss you as well. Are you certain you are in good health? I can come home early if you need.” Spock would do anything for her, even if it meant ending his vacation early.

“No, no.” She assured him. “It’s not as if…there’s anything to see here anyways.” She teared up again and stepped out of frame.

“Mother?” Spock called to her. “Are you alright?”

“Your mother is very tired.” Sarek stepped back over. “She needs rest. As do you. I must go now. Goodbye, son.”

Spock wished he at least knew what had been wrong, or what her symptoms were so that he could look them up himself. He thought of Dr. Tolek examining her and telling her that she had some horrible disease from being a human and that she should leave Vulcan before she infected everyone.

“Spock?” Jim peaked in. “You done? You wanna come watch Looney Tunes?”

“Alright.” Spock knew his worries were irrational. Sarek said Amanda was fine. It was best for Spock not to worry himself into another panic attack and just relax.

After watching several illogical and violent cartoons with Jim, Spock went upstairs to go take a bath. He turned on the water and took off the clothes Jim had let him borrow. It had been nice to go undetected for once, but he was eager to get back into his robes.

“You know, for someone who doesn’t sweat, you sure take a lot of baths.” Jim said from the doorway.

“Baths clean your body as well as your mind. The hot water purifies your soul.” Spock finished undressing and put the clothes in the hamper before getting in the tub.

“You said the same thing about meditating.” Jim reminded him.

“That is also true.” Spock said. When he was a child, one of his parents would stay when he bathed to make sure he did not drown. Was Jim attempting to do the same thing?

“…Can I get in with you?” Jim asked somewhat shyly.

“I believe that would be most beneficial, as you have been in the sun all day sweating, and I do not want to share a bed with you if you smell bad.”

“Geez, you could have just said yes.” Jim undressed, leaving his clothes all over the floor before getting in.

Spock routinely washed himself with a rag as Jim just splashed around and played with a rubber duck. He’d once told Spock that he didn’t play with it anymore, and that it was just for decoration, but Spock could see now that that had been a lie.

As they washed, Spock could not shake the minimal worrying he was still feeling for his mother. He knew she was getting better, but still.

“My mother is sick.” Spock said.

“Did she get it from you?” Jim asked.

“What?” Spock asked sharply. Why would Jim say such a thing?

“No, not like in a mean way!” He quickly assured Spock. “It’s just –do you remember when you broke your arm, and how your dad could sense it?”

Spock nodded.

“Well, what if your mom could sense you got upset from the fireworks? I dunno. I guess I don’t know how that Vulcan mind stuff works.”

“You have the right idea, but that is inaccurate. Vulcan children do have mental links with their parents, so their parents can better raise them. They can tell when their children are upset or in danger. But this bond weakens and breaks off over time as the child grows up.”

“Is yours still there?”

“Somewhat.” Spock had never been very good at detecting his father’s emotions through it unless they were meditating or very close together. His mothers, though strong, were elusive. Soon, it would be gone. “But the link between bond-mates is strongest of all, and it never fades.”

“Bond-mates are like married couples?” Jim asked.

“Yes.” Spock nodded. “Bond-mates, like my parents, can feel each other’s thoughts and emotions without the need to be touching.”

“That sounds cool.” Jim said, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Yes.” Spock said, thinking of his inability to have a bond-mate. “I suppose it does.”

That night, they climbed into bed under Spock’s sleeping bag. Spock did not close his eyes right away, knowing Jim sometimes liked to talk at night. Sure enough, he felt Jim roll over and face Spock.

“I’m sorry you got scared by the fireworks. I should have realized.”

“No, it is not your fault.” Spock assured him. “I know it is illogical…but I feel bad that you did not get to stay and watch.”

“It’s okay, really.” Jim said. In the darkness, Spock felt Jim grab his hand. “You know, when I was little, I used to hate thunder. It scared me really bad. It made me cry because it was so loud. So, I get it.”

Spock should be surprising his panic from before, and he was for the most part. The tiny bit of worry over that and his mother was now gone thanks to Jim. Talking it out seemed just as effective as meditating to push it away.

He wondered if the other Vulcans knew that.

 

 

For the next several weeks, Spock made sure he talked to his mother every day. She did seem to be getting better as time went on, and Spock was glad to see it.

They moved into the hottest part of the year, and Jim and Spock spent nearly every day outside. Jim’s skin seemed to get tanner and tanner. Spock was certain his was actually getting paler, since the Earth’s sun was not nearly as powerful as Vulcan’s.

Their fun in the sun was cut short when a storm hit. Jim and Spock stayed inside for a few days playing with legos. Spock was proficient at following the detailed instructions and making perfect models. Jim was proficient at using his imagination to build things Spock would have never thought of.

They were racing their lego spaceships on the tile kitchen floor listening to the rain when lightning flashed outside. A second later, thunder seemed to shake the while house. Spock covered his ears and tried not to panic.

“Ah, let’s get out of here. Come on.” Jim took him by the sleeve and led him down into the basement. He turned on the light and Spock could only see boxes and boxes. “It’s quiet down here.”

“What are all these boxes?” Spock asked.

“It’s a lot of the stuff my mom takes with her when he goes to space.” Jim draped a blanket around them and they settled down against a stack of boxes. “Look, we can pretend we’re Starfleet officers who are stranded on a strangle planet. This can be like our cave.”

“Captain Jim, first we need to find food.” Spock said, playing along.

“Let’s hunt! I can catch us a rabbit! Well, a dust bunny.” He laughed. He darted out from their blanket and around the corner of boxes. A moment later, Spock heard him sneezing.

“Are you alright?” Spock asked, not moving from his cozy spot. “Captain Jim?”

“Yeah, look what I found!” He dragged over a small box. “It’s a real Starfleet issue tent! Have you ever been camping?”

“I have not.”

“That settles it, then. We’re gonna camp outside! Damn, but it’ll probably be a few days before the rain stops and the ground is dry again.”

“That gives us plenty of time to get prepared.” Spock said.

“You think of everything, First Officer Spock.” Jim smiled.

They asked Winona what Starfleet officers needed to camp, and Winona showed them another kit that contained a flashlight, a backup communicator, and canteens, as well as a box of matches.

“You’ll need this, too.” Winona found a rolled up sleeping bag in the basement.

“I’d rather share yours.” Jim said in Spock’s ear.

“What about food?” Spock asked.

“Camping food is s’mores.” Jim said proudly.

“What is s’mores?”

“Oh, Spock!” Jim just laughed.

It was finally warm and dry and time to camp. Spock and Jim filled a backpack with what they needed and hiked out. By Winona’s rules, they couldn’t leave the Kirk’s property, so they settled for the backyard.

“Ah, the wilderness.” Jim sighed with contentment as he and Spock set up the tent.

It was meant for several adults, so it was quite spacious for two children. They were not allowed to build a fire, so Jim showed Spock how to make s’mores with unmelted ingredients. Spock did not want chocolate, so he settled for gently nibbling a marshmallow.

Jim and Spock chased fireflies, but Spock refused to let Jim inhumanely put them in a jar overnight. Instead, they let them go and watched them fly off, glowing and blinking.

When the sun went down, Jim had the idea to place their sleeping bags with the heads poking outside the tent so they could watch the stars. He also had the idea to zip their sleeping bags together so it was like one spacious bag.

“Do you know any constellations?” Jim asked as they watched the sky.

“Only in the Vulcan sky.” Spock said.

“Oh, well that line there is Orion’s belt.” Jim pointed.

“We have a similar one called the belt of Surak. They say that the farthest star west points directly to Earth.”

“I wonder which star leads to Vulcan?” Jim asked. Spock knew he could look it up on his PADD, but he did not want to get out of the sleeping bag. It was so warm with Jim in there.

“I think that one.” Spock pointed at the brightest one.

“That’s actually Venus, not a star.” Jim chuckled.

“Oh.” Spock felt foolish now.

A little while later, Spock wiggled out from the sleeping bag and started towards the house.

“Where are you going?” Jim asked.

“I have to use the restroom.” Spock said.

“But we’re camping. You have to go in the woods.”

“But your house is right there.” Spock looked at the woods and remembered the poison ivy. He suppressed a shudder.

“But in real Starfleet camping, the house isn’t right there.” Jim argued.

“This is not Starfleet, this is your backyard. I have to go.” Spock did not feel like arguing something so illogical. Finally, he made his way back and climbed back in the sleeping bag. “Jim?”

Spock looked over to where Jim’s eyes were closed. Jim opened his eyes, and Spock saw his face was very pink.

“Hey.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yep.” He sighed. “It’s just that I wanted to ask you something. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and right when I got the nerve, you had to leave.”

“Well, I am back now.” Spock pointed out. “What is it?”

“Whenever we grow up…and when you get married, promise we’ll still be best friends?” Jim rolled over to stare at the sky rather than Spock.

“Yes.” Spock did the same, watching the stars. “Always. But, you do not have to worry. I will not get married.”

“How come?” He shuffled a bit. “I thought you said your parents were gonna pick a girl for you to marry?”

“They did, but it did not…work out.” Spock blushed slightly.

“Was she mean?” Jim asked.

“No, she was…alright. She and I just were not compatible.”

“What if you met someone you were compatible with? I mean, someone you _really_ liked. Being married would just be like being best friends forever, right?”

“I suppose.”

 “Do you think you have anyone like that?” Jim asked shyly.

“I do.” Spock felt his face grow warmer. “But he already has a girlfriend. Several of them.  I do not want to share his attention.”

“Well, what if he broke up with them?” Jim turned in the sleeping bag to face Spock. “Actually, they broke up with _him_ near the last day of school because he wouldn’t stop talking about his cool friend Spock, who likes more than all three of his girlfriends combined?”

“He does?” Spock gasped lightly. “I mean, you do?”

“Yeah.” He blushed. “So, since…I don’t have a girlfriend, and _you_ don’t have a girlfriend…”

“I understand what you are saying.” Spock sighed. “But you do not want to be my bond-mate. My mind is unbondable. I would not be able to feel your thoughts and emotions the way a true Vulcan spouse should.” Spock turned his back to Jim.

“I don’t care about that!” Jim sat up. “I can just tell you how I’m feeling, all the time. And it’s not like we’ll ever be apart when we grow up.”

“We won’t?”

“No, cuz we’ll have a house here, and we’ll have a house on Vulcan. Big houses. With huge yards for all our animals.” Jim laughed. “Would you want that?”

“Yes.” Spock rolled back to face him. “That does sound like an optimal future.”

Jim smiled at him before lying back down. He seemed relieved, as if he’d been bursting to ask and nervous of what Spock would say. If he’d known that from the start, Spock would have just said yes and saved them all the hassle.

“I’m really gonna miss you when you go back home.” Jim said.

He reached for Spock’s hand, and Spock let him take it. He never told Jim had he could sense traces of his feelings when they held hands, but now he was sure Jim would not mind if he knew.

“I am going to miss you as well.” Spock replied.

 As much as that was true, he was also thinking of the fact that most of his classmates had likely already selected their subjects for the next course level and were back in classes. It would be strange to be behind, but it was worth it.

“We should have a ceremony.” Jim said sleepily. “Like for when grown-ups get married.”

“Vulcans have ceremonies when they are betrothed as children.” Spock said. “We can have one like that.”

“Okay.” Jim yawned and closed his eyes. “Let’s do that tomorrow. Should be fun…”

“Fun.”  Spock recalled his failed bonding ceremony with T’Pring. Would this be different? Yes. Of course it would be. This time it did not matter that he was a hybrid. Jim did not mind, and that is why he was the perfect choice for Spock.

The next day, they spent it getting ready. Jim told them all weddings had flowers, so they needed to find the best ones. Spock did not point out that Vulcan betrothals did not have flowers. He let Jim do what he wanted.

Jim showed him how to weave the flowers together to make a crown. They wore matching flower crowns as they crossed the backyard. Spock the chicken took sight of them and hopped over.

“Are you kings?” O’Malley asked, pausing from feeding Rosie to pick the chicken up before it ran too far.

“No, we’re getting married.” Jim said with a grin.

“The crowns are simply an aesthetic choice.” Spock adjusted his to keep it from falling in his eyes.

“Oh, I see. Well, I hope you two are happy together.” He laughed.

“We already are.” Jim took Spock’s hand. “Come on.”

The walked through the stalks of corn, but they were not playing hide and seek this time. They were searching for the clearing that they’d previously used as base. Jim wanted to use the one in the forest with the well, but Spock did not want to risk touching another poisonous plant.

“This seems good, right?” Jim asked.

“Yes. Perfect.” Spock sat down in the grass.

“What first?” Jim sat down across from him.

“I think it is important that you understand that this is just a betrothal.” Spock pointed out, holding up one finger. “Not a real marriage. It simply signifies that we will get married when we get older.”

“Oh, okay. That’s actually better. I don’t think my mom wants me to get married until I’m grown up, even if she does like you. First, we hold hands, right?” Jim reached for both of Spock’s hands.

Spock looked down to where their hands joined. That was not actually first. In his ceremony with T’Pring, they had sat with several inches between them, never talking or touching… barely looking at each other.

“Alright.” Spock decided that if Jim wanted to hold hands, then there wasn’t anything wrong with that.

“Your hands are warm.” Jim chuckled. Spock tried to ignore the way that made him feel and focus on what he was supposed to be doing.

“Now, close your eyes and envision –“ Spock paused. T’Pau had told them to envision their minds linking. That was when things went wrong. Since their minds could not link together, then Spock did not know what came next.

“Hm? What next? Vows, right?”

“Vows?” Spock opened his eyes.

“Yeah. Like this: I promise to only love Spock for the rest of my life. In sickness and in health, until death.”

Spock blinked, feeling his whole face grow warmer. Those were human vows? They were so… powerful. When Vulcans married, all of those things were implied. Of course, you supported and loved your partner, but it was so nice and surprising to hear that said aloud.

And _love_ , that was such a strong word.

“Spock? Your turn.” Jim reminded him with a gentle squeeze of his hands.

“I promise,” Spock closed his eyes again. “To only love Jim for as long as I live. In sickness and in health, until death.”

“Anything else?” Jim asked in a whisper.

Spock’s ceremony with T’Pring had not been completed, so he had no idea what went next, but he could not think of anything they were missing. He closed his eyes again and tried to imagine what it would look like to have their minds really linked.  That happy gold feeling he always got around Jim seemed to fill his mind.

“No, I think we are betrothed now.” Spock said.

“Well, aren’t you forgetting something else?” Jim asked.

“Am I?”

“Yes.” Jim smiled shyly. “The things that humans do at the end of the ceremony.”

“I am unfamiliar with it.” Spock had never seen a human ceremony.

“They…kiss each other.” Jim whispered, his face reddening.

“On the mouth?”

“Duh! Where else?”

Oh.” Spock could only remember seeing his parents kiss on the mouth twice in his life. Maybe they did it more when he wasn’t around. 

“Do you not want to?” Jim let go of Spock’s hands, but not before Spock could sense his disappointment.

“It is not that. It is just…I have never done that before.” Vulcan’s showed their affection in other ways. There was a certain hand gesture that was akin to a kiss, but Spock was curious about the human version.

“I’ve done it a few times. It’s really easy. I’ll show you.” Jim held Spock’s hands again. Now Spock could feel that Jim’s excitement matched his own. “Close your eyes again.”

Spock closed his eyes. It was a bit like when he meditated. The only thing he was aware of was the warm sun on his face, the grass underneath him, the scent of flower pollen threatening to fall onto his nose, and Jim’s hands.

The seconds seemed to drag on with nothing happening. Spock could hear his own heartbeat, as well as Jim’s heavy breathing.

Spock opened his eyes just as Jim leaned in and pressed his mouth to Spock’s. Stunned, Spock just closed his eyes again. He felt his whole face heat up despite the cool breeze. It was now aware of Jim’s presence completely. Before Spock could even do more than blush, Jim pulled back.

The blush was mutual. Jim’s cheeks were pink. He seemed to be unable to contain nervous laughter. Spock smiled softly.

“That was…fascinating.” He managed. Jim’s laughter faltered as Spock reached up and placed his hands on the sides of Jim’s face.

“W-What are you doing?”

“I just recalled something else in Vulcan ceremonies.” It was different than having an elder do it for them, and Spock had never initiated a meld before, but he was sure this was the only person he’d want one with. “Will you accept my mind to yours?”

“Is this gonna hurt?” He asked in a whisper.

“No.”

“Oh, then sure.” Jim closed his eyes and leaned forward so that his forehead rested against Spock’s. Spock quite enjoyed having their faces so close together. He adjusted his hands on Jim’s psi points and closed his eyes again.

“My mind to your mind… my thoughts to your thoughts.”

And then there was nothing. No summer sun. No pollen or breeze or grass. There was just the somewhat finite expanse of the minds of two children. Some of it was memories. Spock saw a slightly younger Jim crouched in the same grass. Spock saw the boring halls and rooms of an elementary school. Spock saw the dusty cramped space under Jim’s bed as he hid from the man leaving heavy footsteps on the stairs.

It was strange to feel the unhindered emotions of a human child. Curiosity, boredom, fear. It was cathartic as well.

Then it was peaceful. Lost in the expanse their shared minds created, Spock did not realize the meld was broken until he sneezed from the grass on his nose.

He sat up from where he and Jim were sprawled out in the field. His flower crown had fallen off and landed on his chest, leaving pink and purple petals on his dark robe. He looked over at Jim, who was staring up at the sky. He then looked over to lock eyes with Spock and smiled.

“That was cool.”

“Cool.” Spock repeated to himself in a whisper. Yes, it was. “I did not realize that would take so long. It is getting late.” The sun was slowly sinking down, streaking the sky with color.

“Oh, maybe dinner’s almost ready!” Jim jumped up, leaving his flower crown in the grass. He reached out for Spock’s hand.

Spock felt a strange tinge of lingering guilt, as if he should not have done that. He’d never melded. He was not a proper Vulcan. And to do it with a human…

That was Spock’s choice. He chose a human. He wanted to marry a human, and now he was betrothed to one. He no longer felt guilty. Not for his choices or for what he was. He no longer felt lonely. He gave Jim a small smile and took his hand.

 

 

Jim received his back-to-school supply list the same day that Spock received a message from the Vulcan Learning Center encouraging him to enroll for the next level.

“Third graders have work that’s way harder than second grade.” Jim bragged as he and Spock ate breakfast cereal that morning.  “Like, we get long division.”

“How difficult.” Spock did not mention that he was already in algebra and was approaching calculous.

“September is too close.” He grumbled, stirring his soggy cereal. “I mean, the new school year is fun for a few weeks, but then it’s boring again. I’m really gonna miss you.”

Spock looked down at his bowl. He would miss Jim terribly. He thought of the long months ahead where they would be apart. It made Spock’s heart hurt. That was unVulcan of him, so he kept his face impassive.

“We can talk everyday online.”

“Not the same.” Jim dropped his spoon into his bowl and sighed.

“Not the same at all.” Spock agreed with a sigh.

They tried to make the most of every second left of summer, but it was hard when Winona kept dragging them out to buy school supplies and clothes. Jim tried on what seemed like a million shirts and jeans. He walked out of the dressing room each time and turned to Spock.

“So, what do you think?”

“This shirt is green.” Spock said. The last one had been blue.

“Which one looks cooler?”

“Aren’t you going to ask my opinion?” Winona asked teasingly.

“No.” Jim rolled his eyes. “You’re just gonna say blue. You always buy me blue clothes.”

“It’s because they bring out your eyes.” She said.

“I agree.” Spock could see now that that was very true. “You should get blue.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’m ready to leave anyways.” He went back into the fitting room. He came out and handed the blue shirt to Winona. They walked to the check-out counter.

“You are only getting that one?” Spock asked.

“Yep. I always just get a few new things. The rest is Sam’s old stuff. You really lucked out, you know, with being an only child. You never have to share or have anyone else’s old junk.” He crossed his arms.

“I suppose you are right. But I have to wear a uniform at school, so there is not much variety when I shop.” Even socks and shoes were regulated.

“Ha! I’m so glad we don’t have uniforms. Maybe I am pretty lucky after all.”

After dinner that night, Spock reluctantly took out his PADD and examined the list of available courses for the next level.

“Lemme see.” Jim rested his chin on Spock’s shoulder. The contact was halfway between enjoyable and aggravating. “That’s a lot of math.”

“I am thinking I may limit myself to two or three maths this time.” Spock said, eyeing trigonometry.

“Oh my god.” Jim chuckled. “Oh, I did astronomy! We got to go to the planetarium. I wanted them to show Vulcan, but they only did the Milky Way galaxy. You should take it.”

Spock was sure the Vulcan astronomy class would be much more advanced than Jim’s, but he was eager to have the course in common. He selected that, along with history, calculous and trigonometry. He then needed one physical course.

“You guys don’t have _any_ sport’s teams?” Jim seemed shocked.

“No. We have clubs for games of intellect, such as chess and poker.” Spock had never joined a club though, since he already knew he’d be ostracized.

“Well, then what are you gonna take?”

“I believe I will benefit from another semester of swimming.” Spock selected it, completing his roster.

“You choose swimming, but you won’t even get in the creek with me?” He took his chin off Spock’s shoulder and laid back on the floor.

“The creek’s water is full of germs and possibly sewage. The pool at my school is clean and full of chlorine.” Spock explained. “Besides, the pool is a relatively new addition, as it has been logically decided that teaching young Vulcans to swim is beneficial. It is good excersise.”

“You sound like such a nerd when you go on like that.” Jim chuckled.

“Well, you do not mind, do you?”

“Of course not.” He smiled.

“I did not think so.” Spock smiled back.

On the last night of Spock’s visit to Riverside, he and Jim went to town to redeem their free pizza. Jim slapped the certificate down on the counter and grinned.

“Free pizza for me and my date, please.”

The hostess took the certificate and held it up to the light. Spock thought it seemed like a logical course of action if people were often trying to scam their way into free pizza. Finally, she seated them at a booth where they shared veggie pizza and vanilla milkshakes.

“This has been the most fun I have had in my life.” Spock admitted as he carefully stirred his milkshake to get rid of lumps.

“You can admit it was a little lame.” Jim chuckled. “Like when it rained a lot, or when we lost the pawns in my chess set and had to use plastic Starfleet officer action figures.”

“None of it was lame.” Spock did not understand how Jim could think that. “I greatly enjoyed your company.”

“Hey, maybe you can come back at Christmas?” He asked hopefully. “Usually Uncle Pike gets shore leave, and we visit him and have a Christmas party.”

“Perhaps, though we do not celebrate Christmas. My mother is part Jewish and prefers Hanukkah.”

“Us too!” Jim grinned. “We actually haven’t celebrated it in a while, but we might still have a menorah somewhere. Now you definitely have to come!”

Jim and Spock slept together in their shared double-sleeping bag on the last night of summer. Spock could still hear frogs and crickets, though he could not see fireflies.

“Are you asleep?” Jim whispered.

“No.”

“Me neither. I’m thinking about something.”

“What is it?” Spock opened his eyes and looked over.

“Nothing.” He chuckled and turned away, his face red.

“Nothing?” Spock recalled when they sat in the grass and held hands. They promised to love each other forever, and now they were betrothed.  If Spock thought about it extensively, then he too felt his face heat up.

“You’ll see tomorrow.” Jim pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes.

“Tomorrow?” The only thing Spock expected to see was a long train ride to meet his father in San Francisco.

“I’m sleeping.” Jim said unconvincingly.

“Sorry to disturb.” Spock closed his eyes.

The next morning they woke up early to put away their tent. Spock carefully packed all of his things and Jim reluctantly helped load them in the truck. They dragged their feet when it was time to go, and they went back in several times to make sure Spock hadn’t forgotten anything.

“Almost forgot this!” Out from under the bed, Jim pulled out the stuffed dog he’d won at the festival.

“I won that for you.” Spock reminded him.

“Well, you take the one I won, then.” From atop the dresser, Jim got the stuffed cat with the bowtie. “Go on, keep it.”

“Thank you.” Spock examined it. Cats were sometimes orange, but this one was quite bright. It reminded him of Vulcan sunsets.

“Okay, kids. Now we really have to go.” Winona appeared in the doorway. “If Spock does leave anything behind, we can always send it along.”

“You are really coming all the way with me?” Spock asked as they descended the stairs.

“Yeah.” Jim averted his gaze. “I told you my mom has some business in San Francisco, so we might as well ride with you.”

“I appreciate it.”

Outside, Spock said one last farewell to his namesake chicken, who was becoming a handsome rooster, and then to Rosie the cow. Spock patted her flank and she blinked gently.

Jim and Spock held hands the whole way to the train station, and then once on the train. Winona busied herself with a novel on her PADD, while Jim and Spock found amusement in hiding among the rows of empty seats.

“Pardon us, Sir.” Spock said whenever Jim clumsily bumped into the attendant.

Slowly, the seats filled as they passed more stations. Spock and Jim then sat quietly and played electronic chess. Jim always won, because Spock was too busy starring out the window as the landscapes of Earth passed in a blur.

It was lunch when they reached the transfer station. Spock chose a veggie dog after making Jim promise him that not even the meat ones were real dog.

The train ride to the San Francisco station would not take long, thanks to the advances of travel technology. Spock checked the time the chronometer for expected arrival.

“Jim, according to this, we will arrive nearly two hours before my father is expected to meet me.”

“Hmm.” Jim shrugged, looking as if he was trying very hard not to smile. “I’m sure we’ll find a way to kill time.”

San Francisco’s station was just as Spock recalled. The busy people flocked together around the video phones and the obvious tourists flocked around the gift shop. Spock saw something in the window that made him think of his mother.

“Where are you going?” Jim asked as Spock started towards it.

“Just a moment. I need this.”

After buying the item for her, he searched for a Terran item his father might enjoy. Jim impatiently followed him around and tugged his sleeve.

“Just get something.”

“Why are you rushing me?” Spock asked as he stooped down to examine a shelf of decorated shells.

“Cuz, I wanna show you something. Don’t –“ He said loudly as Spock reached for a shell. “You don’t need that.”

“Why not?”

“Please just trust me, and let’s go.” He tugged Spock out.

“Go where?” Spock asked. “We have to wait for my father.”

“Look.” Jim pointed to where Winona was still enjoying her novel on a bench with Spock’s bags. “My mom’s waiting for him. Now, come with me like a good little alien boy.”

Feeling belittled, Spock allowed Jim to take his hand and lead him outside the station. Walking in such a big city was much different then walking in Riverside. No one seemed to notice him, since their gazes seemed to land way over his head.

Jim stopped suddenly, and Spock nearly stumbled over him. He looked around for whatever it was, but was nothing but buildings and cars.

“Close your eyes.” Jim said.

“Okay.” Spock saw no point in objecting. “You are not going to lead me into traffic, are you?”

“Nope.”

Spock followed the pull of Jim’s hand and felt them go off the sidewalk and down another way. The sounds of the city faded a tad and he felt them walk onto a wooden surface, based on the sound their feet made.

The wood then changed to the ever-familiar feel of sand. The salty air hit his nose and Spock suppressed a gasp, though his heart raced. The crash of waves was a relaxing sound, despite the volume.

“Okay, you can open them now.” Jim gently squeezed his hands.

“The… _ocean_.”

Spock was in awe. It was so infinite, so full of mysterious life. It was just like space. He turned to Jim, who was removing his shoes and socks. Spock did the same and they stashed them under a bush before racing towards the water.

“Woah, it’s kinda cold!” Jim jumped back as the water lapped at his bare feet.

Spock did not mind. He lifted his robes and let the waves onto his legs. Sand then stuck to his skin. That sensation was quite familiar. As they ran up and down the beach, Spock knew he was smiling. He did not mind that either.

“Thank you for taking me here.” Spock said as they sat on the sand to catch their breath.

“No problem. I mean, I got the idea as soon as you said you’d never seen the ocean. And I mean, it’s _right here._ How could we not come?”

“Vulcan has the Voroth and Thanar seas, but they are not like this. The water is not cool, and no one swims for recreation.” The Terran ocean was just different.

“Well, I’m really glad you liked it, then.” Jim laughed.

There was sand stuck to his face, and his hair was mussed by sea breeze, but in that moment Spock could not believe such a beautiful person was his betrothed.

“Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for allowing me to stay with you. It was so fascinating.” Spock was getting emotional, so he took this time to cross his legs and take a breath. He closed his eyes.

“You okay?” Jim asked.

“Yes.” He was very okay.

They then walked up and down the beach in search of interesting shells. Spock even found coral, and to his surprise, a dried up sea star.

“Is it dead?” Jim asked, examining the creature flat in Spock’s palm.

“I am not sure.” Spock admitted. “I will return it to the ocean, just in case.” He placed it on the shoreline and let the waves carry it back. “I see now why you did not want me to buy a shell at the gift shop.”

“Yeah, there’s free ones right here.” He laughed. “And these have real sand on them and stuff.”

When it was time to go, they put on their shoes and walked back to the station. They seemed just in time to avoid an influx of tourists at the beach.

Spock and Jim tried to wash and much sand off as they could in the station bathroom, but despite turning his socks inside out, Spock could still feel grains of sand in his shoes. That was a familiar sensation as well.

Sarek was waiting with Winona by Spock’s bags. He was just as rigid looking as ever, if not more, now that Spock was used to human presence. They did not embrace; instead they just nodded at one another in respect.

“Come Spock, we must catch our shuttle to Vulcan.”

“Yes, Father.” Spock nodded.

“Bye, Hun. I’m so glad you got to come see us.” Winona patted his head. “Promise you’ll come back soon?”

“Yes.” Spock felt his throat tighten. “Thank you for having me.”

He turned to Jim. He was aware of Sarek and Winona watching them, and he was unsure how to proceed. Jim was not. He wrapped his arms around Spock in a crushing hug.

“I’m gonna miss you, Spock.”

“I shall miss you as well.” Spock hugged him back, uncaring who saw and thought what. He tried to savor the human’s scent, knowing it would cling to his robes for the duration of the journey home.

“And you still promise... you know?”

“Yes.” Spock did not know whether Jim was referring to the promise to return for Christmas, or the promise to love him forever, but both were going to be completely upheld.

Their hands remained linked as Sarek loaded Spock’s bags into a cab outside. Finally, it was time to part. The train back towards Iowa arrived, and Winona boarded, watching Jim from the threshold. No words needed to be said. Spock was not sure he could say anything. His throat felt tight, like he’d swallowed something he shouldn’t have.

Jim boarded and waved at Spock from the window. Spock gave him the ta’al. Jim then gave him the Earth hand sign for peace. Spock waved.

He followed Sarek to the taxi. Sarek held the door for him, but Spock did not look at him as he climbed in. He knew he was being judged for showing emotion, but he did not care.

He had a secret. He was no longer an unbonded Vulcan. He was betrothed to a wonderful human. His human thought highly of him, and that was enough.

Not even when they boarded the shuttle and watched the Earth shrink to a tiny blue dot did Sarek speak to him about Jim; at least, not extensively.

“Did you find the experience fulfilling?” He asked. Spock knew he’d never say the word fun.

“Yes. Quite. How is Mother?”

“She is eagerly awaiting your return.”

Spock spent the remaining time meditating. He crossed his legs and tried not to think of the time he’d be without Jim, and instead think of it as time he would be doing one of his favorite activities –learning.

Before reaching Vulcan, Spock had already downloaded all of the texts he’d need this semester. They seemed quite fascinating.

Home was familiar. The smell was the same, and so was the gravity. Spock felt oddly heavier as he helped his father with the luggage. He knew he was not weaker; he was now just average due to the gravity. In a way, it was assimilating him back into Vulcan life.

Spock stared at the craggy rocks and plants lining the landscape of Vulcan. It had such little variety. He loved it, but didn’t anyone care to liven it up? No, he had to go to botanical gardens to see anything blooming.

“Spock, do not drag your feet.” Sarek said as they walked towards the silver train that would take them to the edge of the city where Spock lived.

“Sorry, Father.” Spock was eager to see his mother again, and he ran ahead with energy, leaping several feet down the sidewalk. He could not jump as far or as fast in this gravity, but there was no one to race with anyway.

He watched the landscape fade to flat land covered it the usual odd architecture. He recognized the buildings and their many logical functions. Not one pizza parlor existed in ShiKahr –that Spock knew of, at least.

The outer garden to Spock’s home seemed brighter in Vulcan’s summer blooming season, but it was just logical herbs and vegetables. Spock paid them no mind as they walked under the statue of Surak that guarded the door. He then paused and looked back. Before, Spock always came up to Surak’s waist. He now was a bit above it.

“I am taller.” Spock said proudly.

“I noticed.” Sarek nodded. “The Earth’s gravity has been known to decompress the Vulcan spine. There is also the fact that you are at that age.”

Spock quickly ran his tongue along his teeth to see if they were loose. They were not. Perhaps he had not grown as much as he had thought.

“Oh, Spock.” Amanda hugged him as soon as he crossed the threshold. “I missed you!”

“I missed you as well. I am taller now.” Spock stood back so that she could see. He also examined her for signs of illness. Her hair was curled and pinned back like always, and she was wearing her favorite lilac robes. Nothing seemed wrong at all.

“I can see that.” She smiled. “Why don’t you come in here and I’ll make you a snack.”

Sarek took Spock’s bags upstairs while Spock followed his mother into the kitchen. The counter was covered in bowls containing chopped bits of vegetables from the garden. Potatoes were the only Terran vegetable that thrived easily in untouched Vulcan soil. Spock found the bowl of them and reached for the peeler. He missed being his mother’s helper.

“Did you know that in French, potatoes are called apples of the Earth?” Spock said as he peeled.

“Yes, I did.” She laughed. “How did you know that?”

“Jim showed me his older brother’s textbook on French. I wish I could learn a Terran language in school other than Standard.”

“Oh, sweetie.” She placed her hands on his shoulders. “I’m so glad you had fun. You saw cows and chickens, didn’t you?”

“Yes, and cornstalks, and the ocean. Mother, it was nothing like the videos we’ve seen of Vulcan seas in school. The water was cold and I found a starfish.” Spock stopped paying attention to his peeling as he went on. “I slept outside in a tent. I saw fireflies, and more frogs than I could count. I greatly enjoyed it.”

She gently rubbed his shoulders, and he could not help but go on.

“Earth was fascinating, but the best part was Jim. He is so strange, but I think I now understand most of his behavior. It seems humans value imagination and individualism. If that truly is the case, then he will excel.”

Spock stopped when he heard her breath catch in her throat. He turned around to see she was crying again. She turned away from him and put her hands behind her back in the same way his father did when he was trying to contain his emotions, which was always.

“Mother, what is wrong?” He put down the peeler and tried to approach her.

“It’s nothing, Honey.”

“That is a lie.” He could tell by the way her voice wavered. “Please, tell me the truth.”

“I want you to know.” She didn’t turn around. “I want you to understand, but I am honestly not emotionally ready to discuss it. Ask your father. Tell him I said to.”

She was so smart, but so human. He knew she meant it if she said she wanted him to know, but she also meant it when she said she couldn’t discuss it. Such a hindrance was so human. Spock loved humans.

He hugged her again, hoping it would at least dry her tears. He then went upstairs. He opened the door to his bedroom and glanced in. All of his bags were here. That must mean his father was in his study. Spock grabbed something from one of the bags and went down the hall.

“Father?” He knocked. He was not allowed in there when his father was working, but he hoped this time could be an exception.

“Come in.”

Spock opened the door to see Sarek’s back was turned to him. He was looking out the open window at the night sky. Spock approached and stood by him. He forgot how dark the moonless nights were here.  The city skyline was not visible from this side of the house, just the mountains.

“I got this for you when I went to the ocean.” Spock held up the spiral shell. There was still Terran sand inside.

Sarek took it and examined it. He turned it and let the sand trickle out into the other palm. He then poured it back in and placed the shell on his desk in the miniature zen garden he had. Spock thought that looked nice.

“I want to ask you about Mother. She told me she wanted me to know, but that she was too sad to say it. I want to understand. Is she going to be alright?”

“Physically, she is fine. She is healthy. Her body has recovered completely. It is an emotional scar that she is now suffering from. I have one as well.” He turned back towards the window. “Spock, your mother had a miscarriage.”

“Mother was pregnant?” Spock gasped.

“Yes.” Sarek stared ahead. “We found out a few weeks before you left. I tried to do everything I could to ensure it would be alright. Since it was unplanned, we did not know to do the proper prenatal care she needed. Still, I made her decaffeinated tea every day, and rubbed her feet.”

Spock remembered seeing that, but he did not know that was why. Why didn’t they tell him as soon as they knew? He didn’t dare ask why. Instead, he just silently stared up his father, silently urging him to continue.

“That is why she was reluctant to let you go. I told her that was illogical. You would be safe, and it would give us time to focus on her and the baby. But the truth about hybrid pregnancies is that they are not like normal pregnancies. They must constantly be monitored. Due to us not knowing during the crucial first weeks, she lost the child.”

Spock did not know what to say. His father was never one for physical affection, but then again, he’d never heard his father sound so sad. Spock slowly reached towards Sarek’s hand.

“Since this child was not planned, it is logical to say that I should not be sad that it is gone.”

“Father, how can you say something like that!?” Spock pulled his hand back and looked up at him, eyes wide with shock.

“You are misunderstanding. I mean that I should feel that way logically, but I do not.” He looked at Spock, and Spock could see the same shininess in his eyes of threatening tears. “I am…sad. It makes me think of the two children we lost before you were born.”

“I did not know that.” Spock said quietly, wrapping his small hand around his father’s finger.

“As I said, hybrid pregnancies can be difficult. They were planned, but at the time, they did not know what we know now on how to maintain one. What medical science knows of Human-Vulcan pregnancies they now know from you.”

“Me?” Spock blinked.

“You are the oldest surviving one.” Sarek looked down at him. “I have wanted to talk to your mother about something that might make her feel better, but I wanted to discuss it with you first, since you are also a part of this family, and it is something that will affect you as well.”

“What is it?” Spock asked, even though he had a good guess.

“How would you feel about us having another child?”

“I would like that.” Spock nodded. “I think Mother would too. Having something to take care of sounds nice.” He was already thinking of everything he could teach a baby, such as how to play chess and hide and seek.

“Then I will discuss it with her.” He nodded. “Thank you for the shell. It has been a long time since I have visited the Terran ocean.”

“You are welcome. I got Mother something too. I should give it to her.” Spock left his father’s office and went back to his room to get the present.

In the kitchen, Amanda was reading at the table as a nice soup sat on the stove. Spock peered into the pot just for a moment to make sure there wasn’t anything in it he disliked in it, before handing her the packet of sunflower seeds.

“Romar told me that they can grow here. They can reach over ten feet from Vulcan sunlight.”

“Really?” She smiled. “That’s so nice of you! There’s a space in the back garden that I’ve been wondering what to do with. Thank you.”

“Are you feeling alright now? I talked to Father…”

She pulled him onto her lap and hugged him. He took this to mean she was feeling better, but was still hurting. Spock was glad he was back home so that he could take care of her.

He decided that after dinner, he would try to find texts in the Vulcan database on hybrid pregnancies. Perhaps he could find one on sunflower care as well. Even though he missed Jim, it was nice to be back.

 

 

Spock had found it in the database and had even printed it out. There were pictures and even snippets of handwritten notes from the scientist’s notebook. Romar’s daughter had somewhat messy handwriting.

Spock leafed through the pages of _Terran Plant Care_ by T’Bree and found his favorite page. It showed the tallest sunflower ever grown on Vulcan. It was ten feet tall. Romar had told him that the picture was of a sunflower from his own garden that she’d given him. He said that it was sadly destroyed by a sandstorm over a decade ago. The ones in Spock’s yard were only three feet high, but there was still time. There were also still seeds left in the pack that his mother kept in a safekeep box in her room.

“Spock, is that homework?” Amanda stepped around him where he was sprawled on the living room floor.

“Sort of. It is research. I need to go outside and measure the plants.”

“You measured them yesterday.” She chuckled. “You need to do your school work.”

“I finished it.” Spock had, mostly. This was much more interesting than even his favorite math. He turned on his PADD and flipped to the book of prenatal care. “How do you feel?”

“I feel fine.” She smiled down at him.

“Is that good? Pregnant women are supposed to feel sick.” Spock consulted his texts.

“Spock, we do not know if I’m pregnant yet.” She said. “It is too soon to tell.”

“Are you sure? Maybe you should take a test just in case. How many days has it been since you and Father –“

She crouched down and firmly placed her hand over his mouth. Her face was red, but she did not look angry. More amused, than anything.

“Spock, that’s none of your business. I know you care, but this is an adult matter, between me, your father, and the doctor.” She took her hand off. “Now, no more questions. Go upstairs and do your homework. Now.”

“Yes, Mother.” Spock gathered his notes and went upstairs.

He did not understand why she wouldn’t tell him things just because they were adult. Couldn’t they see how grown up Spock was now? In the past month since he returned home, he’d been helping out around the house and even with dinner. That seemed quite adult in his opinion.

He also had something that completely ensured a stable adulthood. A human betrothed. That may still be a secret, but he still felt proud.

He sat at his desk and called Jim on his PADD. When he answered, he saw that Jim was also doing homework.

“How is your math coming along?” Spock asked, opening his astronomy textbook.

“Done! Look at this.” Jim held a paper up to the screen. It seemed to be a math test with a red A in the corner. “That’s my second A this year. My mom said if I get honor roll, she’ll get me a present I’ve been really wanting.”

“What present?” Spock read each page in his book carefully, while his free hand transcribed notes.

“A guitar. I wanna be able to play music with you some more. At first, I wanted a bike, but then Sam told me I can have his old one. I just need to learn how to fix it up.”

“I would greatly enjoy playing music with you.” Spock looked up at the screen. “I do not think there are any professional Vulcan musicians who perform with humans.”

“Well, we can be famous together and tour the whole galaxy.” Jim laughed. “How’s your mom? Is she having a baby yet?”

“Unconfirmed.” Spock sighed.

“You said that yesterday.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“They will not tell me anything, because I am just a child.” Spock said.

“My mom told me to stop asking, too. She says it’s your parent’s business, but like, I wanna see a Vulcan baby! I bet it’s super cute!” He laughed. 

“They are. That reminds me, how is my name sake?” Spock greatly missed the farm animals.

“Good. He keeps chasing the hens. I think he wants to mate.” He laughed harder.

“Oh, dear.”

“It means more baby chickens!” Jim seemed pleased about that. “I miss you, you know. I can’t wait for Christmas.”

“Neither can I.”

“I found our menorah in the attic.” Jim said. “And uh…some mistletoe.”

“That is a plant?”

“Yes…” He laughed. “I’m teasing you. You don’t get it, do you?”

“I do not.” Spock admitted. He heard his father arrive home downstairs. “I have to go.”

“Me too. I gotta eat dinner.”

On his PADD, Spock switched over to the database and searched mistletoe. Under the ceremonial uses for the plant, Spock saw exactly what Jim had meant. He felt himself blushing, and when he tabbed back over to confront Jim, he saw that he’d already hung up.

Spock got the news that his mother was pregnant a few days later after school. Spock happily called Jim and told him the news. From that day on, Spock tried to help his mother with everything. He helped her cook and tend the garden and clean the house.

Romar helped too. He was out in the garden hanging the washed sheets on the clothes line so they could dry in the Vulcan sun as Spock examined the vegetables and flowers.

“Why doesn’t mother go to the doctor every day?” Spock wondered when he realized it’d been almost a week since her last check-up.

“That is not necessary for pregnant women.” Romar said. “Your father can give her the vitamins she needs, and check her vitals with the thermometer.”

“But hybrid pregnancies are much more complicated.” Spock stepped back from the sunflowers, which were now as tall as he was and went to help hang laundry.

“I am aware. My bond-mate had twins. That is also a complicated pregnancy, but it is illogical to go to the doctor everyday unless something is actually wrong.”

Spock had never known Romar had more than one child, but he never seemed to shy away from talking about his family. Perhaps it was just that Spock never thought to ask, rather than he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Why do you work for us?” Spock asked as he stood on his toes to hang his one of his damp school uniform.

“Your father pays me.” Again, he seemed amused.

“But who cooks and cleans at your house if you are always here?”

“My bond-mate.” He answered.

“Oh.” It was obvious. “I thought maybe you had your own housekeeper, and your housekeeper had a housekeeper at their house, and it went on and on. It seems silly now that I think about it, though.”

“That is an amusing thought, but that is not how it is in most cases. I think your father just wants to make things easier for your mother.”

“Do you miss your bond-mate while you are here?”

“Sometimes.” Romar picked up the empty laundry basket and crossed the yard to the other line where the clothes hanging were already dry. He began pulling them down and putting them in the basket. “But that is part of life.”

Spock looked up at him. He didn’t know. He didn’t know that Spock did not have a traditional betrothal. He also did not know that Jim was his true betrothed. Spock had yet to tell anyone.

But he wanted to tell someone.

“Actually, I…” Spock busied himself by helping fold the dry clothes. “I understand. I am currently betrothed to a human on Earth. We are currently apart and I miss him very much.”

In his peripheral vision, Spock saw Romar pause for a second, holding out a sheet with both hands. A moment later, he continued to fold it as if he had not just heard anything odd.

“Your parents are under the impression that the human boy is just a friend.” He said.

“I know. It was our decision to be bond-mates. I am not sure what my parents would think, and I do not want to add to my mother’s stress.”

“I do not think you should worry about them having a negative reaction. That would be quite illogical, as well as hypocritical.”

 “You are right.” Spock still didn’t want to say anything just yet. “I’ll take these in.”

He picked up the basket of folded robes and sheets and started towards the backdoor. When he glanced back, he saw that Romar was standing with his back to the laundry. He was watching the sunflowers gently sway in the breeze.

Spock silently turned around and went back inside.

“How’s your end coming?” Amanda asked from the other end of the sofa.

“Optimal.” They were knitting a small blanket for the baby. Spock was a slow knitter, but he was getting better with so much practice. Spock secretly wished they’d gone for something brighter than brown, but Sarek had suggest a gender neutral color, since they did not know the baby’s gender yet.

“Oops, I think I dropped a stitch.” She held up her half and scanned the fabric. “Got it.”

“Are you sure you want to be surprised?” Spock did not want to look up in case he messed up.

“We were surprised with you. All that mattered was that you were healthy, and you were. So is your sibling.”

“You are not showing yet.”

“I feel fatter.” She laughed.

“Jim says he bets the baby is a girl.” Spock thought of the scenery in Riverside this time of year. Jim seemed so happy when he showed Spock the orange leaves and the costume he was making for some festivity called Halloween.

“That’s what Sarek says too.” She smiled. “He said you’d be a boy, though. I wonder if…no.”

“What?”

“Well, it’s too soon for the baby to have any sort of telepathic connection to either of us, isn’t it?”

“Those bonds do not form until the child is a few months old.” Spock nodded. “Maybe Father is just a lucky guesser.”

Still, Spock knew babies could hear from inside the womb. It was too soon for that, but he wanted to practice anyways.

“Hello in there.” Spock placed his hands on his mother’s stomach. “I am Spock. I am your brother and I will take care of you.”

“Watch your hands, dear. My needles.” She laughed. “Yes, this is coming along great.”

“I agree.”  Spock held up his end of the blanket and counted the days until her due date in May. December seemed much closer when compared to that.

A few days later, Spock was doing his homework while video calling with Jim. His homework load was starting to get much harder and he was struggling to keep pace with his classmates, who had all had head-starts over the summer.

“And look at these.” Jim was showing him his Halloween candy. “Chocolate bats. I bet you aren’t even jealous, though. You don’t really like candy.”

“Some candy is good.” Spock looked up from his homework.

“Yeah, I think I have the ones you like.” Jim looked down at the pile of candy on his bed.

“Which ones?” Spock didn’t really like any. He was just playing along.

“Chocolate…kisses.” He laughed.

“I have never had –oh.” Spock had to turn away so Jim would not see him blush.

“I was just kidding. I know you don’t even like chocolate.” He smirked. “But, uh, you do like kisses, don’t you?”

“Do you?” Spock countered.

“I asked you first.” Jim was blushing.

Spock then heard his parents call him to dinner.

“I have to go eat.”

“No, answer the question!” Jim said. “Spock!”

Spock hung up and went down to dinner. As he ate, he was thinking of the answer. It was of course, yes. How could he not enjoy something so fascinating?

November was not cold on Vulcan, but the harvest came in fruitful just as it did on Earth. There was no Thanksgiving on Vulcan either, but it was usually tradition to eat a large meal with your family.

Spock crouched down by the oven and watched their roasted vegetables cook. He stifled a yawn before standing up to examine what was on the stove.

“How does it look?” Amanda asked.

“Good.” Spock answered, turning away to yawn loudly.

“Spock, cover your mouth, please.”

“Sorry, Mother.” Spock pressed his sleeve to his mouth.

“Were you up all night talking to Jim again? That’s not very responsible of you, Spock.”

“I…” Truthfully, he hadn’t been. The truth was that he was doing school work. He didn’t just get all A’s in his skill dome exams and then come home and do nothing. The only way to keep up with the other Vulcans was for Spock to study way into the night. He was still behind, he knew, but his grades were good.

The only thing that bothered him was that there wasn’t a feasible way he could stop his school work for extended time without delaying his completion time for the course.

And he hadn’t actually asked about going back to Earth for Christmas yet.

“Hm. This does smell good. I am starving.” Amanda opened the oven, and Spock stepped back. He was glad she was hungry and not sick yet. It meant her pregnancy was progressing normally.

“You are eating for two. I can make you a plate if you do not want to wait for the rest.” Sarek opened the cupboard for plates and nodded for Spock to set the table.

“Can I eat in my room?” Spock examined his reflection in a spoon to see if his eyes had dark circles under them. It was hard to tell, since his reflection was distorted.

“Now, Spock, this is a family meal. You should eat in here with us. Stay off your PADD for one day. Besides, I’m sure Jim is enjoying a family meal  too.”

“…” Spock had actually wanted to keep working on his school work before his test on Monday. If he passed that one, then he could cut his study time down by forty-five minutes, as he’d be done with one of his maths.  “Okay…”

Spock ate quickly, hoping for his parent’s to look away so that he could feed some to I-Chaya. He did like it, but he didn’t want to stay too long.

“Mother, Father, I want to ask you something.” Spock realized there was no way he could feed their pet his dinner without getting chided, so he settled for not having seconds. “As you know, there is an upcoming holiday on Earth called Christmas. Jim will have time off school, and I wanted to go see him.”

His parents looked at each other. Spock immediately felt nervous. Would they have to wait and talk about it privately? That would take such a long time.

“What about your school work?” Amanda asked. “You’ll have to take it with you, won’t you?”

“Yes.” Spock answered eagerly. He’d been thinking the same thing. “I can have the transcribed lectures sent to me every day I promise to keep up with it.”

If it meant taking a break from games to finish homework, then he’d do it. He knew Jim would understand. He silently begged his parents to say yes as he glanced between them.

They looked at each other and Spock waited with baited breath. The only sound to be heard was I-Chaya sniffing loudly, hoping for a share of the meal.

“Alright.” Sarek nodded. “As long as you keep your school work done, then you can go.”

“Thank you.” Spock tried to seem calm on this outside, but on the inside he was quite happy.

After the meal, Spock went upstairs and tried to tell Jim the news. It seemed his mother was right, and Jim was busy spending time with his own family. Spock sent a message for Jim to read when he had time and went back downstairs.

He sat on the sofa and tried to study just a bit more for Monday’s test, but without meaning to, he fell asleep. Eating such a large meal is likely what did it.

When he woke up, his mother had placed the finished baby’s blanket over him. Spock stayed warm underneath, enjoying the way the yarn still retained her human scent from when she’d knitted it. He sleepily reached for his PADD and saw a message waiting from Jim.

  * **Yay!! You’ll love our Christmas party. There’s good food** **J**
  * **I also got you a cool present I think** **you’ll like.**



Present? Yes, that was a key factor in Christmas. Well, if Jim got him something, then Spock should return the favor. What was it that humans liked? He knew someone who would know.

“That’s so sweet that you want to get him something.” Amanda said when Spock asked her about it a few days later. He’d had to wait a bit to ask until she was feeling better. It seemed her morning sickness had started the day after their family meal. Spock hoped his father didn’t take offense at that.

“But I am not sure what he would like.” Spock sighed. “What do humans like?”

“You can’t lump us all up like that.” She laughed. “You know him well. What do you think he’d like? Don’t forget, making a gift is just as nice as buying one.”

“Making…” Spock’s only tangible talent was knitting. He remembered what Jim said about it snowing often in Iowa in winter. He’d need something warm when he returned from winter break, and he’d said he was tired of blue clothes. “Do we still have brown yarn?”

 

 

In late December, Spock packed his things and his parents drove him to the shuttle station. His mother’s belly was getting bigger, but it was only noticeable if you happened to be looking, which Spock always was.

“I will be back before the baby gets here?”

“Of course, Spock.” She laughed and placed her hands on his shoulders. There were many Vulcans here, but Spock did not mind if they saw his mother give him affection. He was half-human after all, and soon he would not be the only one. “There’s plenty of time before the baby comes. I’ll talk to them every day about you, so they won’t forget, okay?”

“Alright.” Spock nodded. Sarek reached down and placed a lumpy package in one of Spock’s bags, alongside the sweater Spock had especially made for Jim. “What is that?”

“It is something for you to open on Christmas.” Sarek said.

“From Santa.” Amanda winked.

“From your Mother and I.” Sarek corrected her. “Santa is not real.”

“Of course.” Spock nodded. “Thank you.”

He said his good-byes and got on board. He could not wait to see Jim again. His future bond-mate. He’d been keeping that to himself for so long. He saw the betrothed members of his class sit together, and he used to feel lonely. It was still lonely that he could not always be with Jim, but he was happy knowing he had a betrothed too.

When Jim saw him, he ran to hug him. Spock hugged him back, happy to be on Earth and be able to show his emotions like this.

“Look! I have a picture of Spock the rooster to show you. He’s so funny! But he pecked my hand and it really hurt.” Jim hurriedly pulled up the picture.

“Fascinating.” Spock was not looking at the picture, but at Jim.

The hotel was the same one they stayed in last time. The heated pool was a good place for Spock to show Jim all of the swimming techniques he’d learned at school.

Jim tried to show Spock how big of a splash he could make, but got chided by the lifeguard for trying to get a running start.

They shared the sleeping alcove in the hotel room. Spock laid in his sleeping bag on the floor, while Jim took the tiny cot. They waited until Jim’s mother and brother fell asleep, before Spock got in the bed with Jim.

“I saw Santa Claus.” Jim whispered.

“Really?”

“Well, not the real one, duh.” Jim chuckled. “The one at the department store. I know he’s fake, but I still told him what I wanted.”

“I though you said you cannot tell anyone a wish, or it will not come true.” Spock said.

“This is different. The store Santa is one of the real Santa’s agents. You have to tell him what you want, so he can report back to the real Santa.”

“I see.” Spock knew Santa was not real, but he could not bring himself to spoil it for Jim.

“But I don’t get it.” Jim sighed. “How can Santa possibly got to every house in one night? And how can he fit down the chimney if he’s fat? And this hotel room doesn’t have chimney! So, how’s he gonna get in?”

“Maybe…” Spock did not want Jim to come to the conclusion that Santa was fake. Not yet, anyways. It was nice that he believed in something. “Maybe his sleigh is actually a Starship. That is how he goes to every house in one night –using warp speed. And the transporters can beam him directly into your house. No chimney required.”

“That’s genius!” Jim laughed loudly.

He didn’t stop laughing until Sam hissed “Shut up!” from his cot. Jim closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, so Spock did the same. Just before drifting off, Jim reached for his hand. That helped Spock fall asleep soundly.

On Christmas Eve, they all got ready to go to Uncle Pike’s Christmas party. Jim’s mother made him wear a sweater vest and Jim kept making disgusted faces at Spock over her shoulder.

Spock put on his nicest robes and combed his hair. He was looking forward to meeting such an important person in Starfleet, but Jim just shrugged.

“I’ve seen him like a million times, and it’s not like he’s done anything _that_ cool.”

“What about fighting Klingon’s?” Sam asked with a smirk.

“He didn’t really do that.” Jim rolled his eyes. “He was lying, but he can’t fool me!”

“Says the kid who still thinks Santa’s real!” He laughed.

“He is real.” Jim muttered under his breath. Spock reached over and took Jim’s hand.

“Do not listen to him, Jim.” Spock whispered. “You can think he is real if you want.”

Captain Pike’s apartment  was a few blocks from the hotel. Spock admired the wreaths and lights on every street light on the walk over. Christmas was fascinating.

“Where is Jesus?” Spock asked.

“Huh?” Jim laughed.

“I thought Christmas was about celebrating the birth of the Christian figure Jesus, yet I have not seen any Jesus decorations.” Spock explained.

“There’s one!” Jim pointed to a plastic nativity scene set up in the garden in front of a building they passed.

“Fascinating.” Spock took a picture of it.

“Oh, lemme push the elevator button!” Jim ran towards the elevator when they got to the building lobby. He pushed the button and ran out when they arrived on the floor. “Oh, lemme ring the doorbell!”

Jim rang the doorbell outside the apartment. Spock could hear festive music from inside, as well as smell many foods.

A woman answered the door. She was tall with dark hair. She was so beautiful, that for a moment, Spock forgot who he was and what he was doing here. She smiled at them before calling over her shoulder.

“Chris! Winona’s here with the kids!” She gestured for them to come inside. “Come on in, guys. We’ve got tons of stuff to eat. I made it myself.”

“Do you have the good cookies or the gross ones?” Jim asked.

“ _Jim!”_ Winona shook her head. “Sorry, Una, he doesn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh, I know. Don’t worry about it.” She patted Jim’s head as he walked past her. She then looked down at Spock and smiled. “You must be Spock. _Amsetri tre_.” She held up the ta’al.

“ _Lesek_.” Spock knew that he should always act appreciative of humans attempting to speak Vulcan to him, even if they did get the pronunciation a little off.

“What’d she say to you in Vulcan?” Jim asked when Spock found him eating cookies.

“She said they were honored by my presence.” Spock looked through the chocolate cookies for one with raisins.

“Wow, I wish I knew how to say that.” Jim said. “I’d say it to you all the time! Whenever I saw you!”

Captain Pike was in the living room watching some sort of sport on the video screen. Spock recognized it as football. Sam was sitting beside him, looking as if he thought himself too mature for the festivities.

“Hi.” Captain Pike help up the ta’al as well. “You must be Spock. Jim has told me everything about you. Nice to meet you.”

“Thank you for having me in your home, Captain.” Spock wished he knew more Starfleet standard words of respect.

“You can just call me Chris. You know, I’ve been to Vulcan a few times before. It’s a beautiful place.”

“Yes, it is.” Spock nodded.

“Tell us about when you fought the Klingons!” Jim jumped up beside him on the couch.

Despite it likely being a fictitious story, Spock listened politely. He then went around and admired the decorations. The Christmas tree was plastic, but Spock still took a picture of it.

Jim led him under a doorway where mistletoe was hanging. Spock did not realize that’s what that was, until Winona came over to call them for dinner. Jim jumped back, embarrassed, and said they were just admiring the garlands hanging.

Dinner was mostly vegetables, which Spock was very pleased about. Captain Pike and his wife asked Spock many questions about Vulcan life, and Spock told them all about his school, his sehlat, and his mother expecting a baby.

“Jim told me you like science.” Pike said.

“I do greatly enjoy science.” Spock nodded.

“You know, you could always join Starfleet if you really like discovering things. Our science officers discover new things every day. They work in labs, too. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“It does.” Spock thought he sounded  slightly patronizing, but he did not mind. That _did_ sound fun. He always had trouble thinking of what to say when observing Earth, because everything was already known. With undiscovered worlds, he would not have that problem.

“You can be my science officer.” Jim said. “I can be the captain.”

“I thought your dream was to be a musician or a stunt driver?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Stunt driver?” Pike laughed. “Are you trying to kill yourself? Don’t you know how many bones you’d break?”

“I’m just exploring my options!” Jim raised his hands. “I’m really talented, you know!”

That night in the hotel, Jim placed some cookies he saved from the party out on a plate and said they were for Santa. Spock placed his gift for Jim and gift from his father under the plastic tree in the hotel room.

Jim fell asleep quickly, but Spock stayed awake listening for Santa, as per Jim’s request. His argument was that Spock had better night vision and hearing.  Around midnight, Spock opened his eyes a sliver and saw Winona placing gifts under the tree. Of course. That made logical sense. Why had Jim never suspected her?

The next morning, Jim woke him up by bouncing on the bed. Spock opened his eyes as he was jostled.

“It’s Christmas! Everybody wake up!” He yelled.

“Mmm!” Sam covered his head with a pillow. “It’s five in the morning! Go back to sleep!”

“But it’s Christmas! And you’re already awake.”

“Sadly.”

“I am awake too.” Spock sat up. This was about the time he woke up every morning anyways.

“Good morning.” Winona came in wearing a robe and slippers. “Let’s see what Santa brought.”

“Did you see him last night?” Jim asked Spock in a whisper. “Santa?”

“No.” Spock was not necessarily lying. “I fell asleep. I did not see Santa.”

Jim got an acoustic guitar from “Santa” and strummed happily, even though he did not know how to play yet. He let Spock try it, and Spock was able to play a few chords based off his knowledge of string instruments.

Spock got a book from “Santa” on constellations. Spock was quite pleased about that, even though he knew it was really from Jim’s mother. He opened the package from his parents and gasped.

“A microscope!” He did not mean to sound overly excited.

“Wow, this is a really nice one, too.” Winona looked at the box. “This is the same kind they used in the science labs on Starships.

“Really?” His parents must have paid a lot for it. Spock would have to make sure he thanked them. He put it back in his bag without opening it, to make sure it was safe. He then handed Jim the package with the sweater.

“For you.” Jim handed Spock a box.

They opened them simultaneously.

“Woah! So warm!” Jim put on the sweater. “And a pretty color.”

Spock had measured it on himself when he made it, but he saw now that the arms were a bit too long. Jim did not seem to mind at all, and just rolled them up.

Spock looked down at his very own box of legos. He felt uprising emotion, a sign that the holiday really was getting to him.

“Thank you. I have always wanted some.” Spock said.

“You didn’t even know what they were until I showed you.” Jim laughed. “Come on, let’s open them. I thought of something we can make.”

It was late afternoon when they were playing alone in the hotel  room. They’d made a blanket fort to represent another planet that the lego starship was exploring.

“Captain, we are approaching a giant.” Spock said.

“Giant? Where?” Jim looked around.

“Here.” Spock held the ship up eye-level with him. “It is you.”

“Me?” Jim laughed. “You’re so weird sometimes.”

Spock looked down at the tiny lego people in Starfleet uniforms and wondered if Jim understood that compared to them, they  were both giants.

That night, Spock and Jim stayed up late watching some strange animated movie Jim had on his PADD. Spock did not understand most of it, but it was Christmas themed, and Jim seemed to enjoy it.

“Light’s out, kids.” Winona poked her head  in the tiny alcove where their cot was. They’d stopped pretending that Spock was going to sleep by himself on the floor.

“In a sec.” Jim mumbled. Spock reached over and turned off the lamp on his bedside. Jim’s was still on, but Spock could tell Jim was close to falling asleep. Spock would turn it off then.

“Five minutes, bud.” Winona went back to the bedroom and closed the door. Spock could already hear Sam snoring.

“Hey, Spock.” Jim turned off his PADD and pulled the covers up to his chin.

“Yes?” Spock was expecting Jim to ask him to get him a drink or something. He sat up and pushed back the covers.

“I, uh, wanted to ask you something.” Jim said quietly.

“Do you want me to get you some water?” Spock asked.

“What? No.”

“Oh.” Spock laid back down and rolled to face Jim.

“I was just wondering…do you still think about us growing up and getting married?” His voice was muffled where he seemed to be hiding his face under the covers.

“Yes.” Spock said.

“Oh. I mean, good, cuz I do too sometimes.” Jim glanced away for a moment. “I wanna give you something else, okay?”

“What is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

Spock closed his eyes just as Jim had said. He could hear him breathing and feel him inching closer on their shared pillow, but he then stopped. Spock knew that Jim wanted to give him a kiss, yet he seemed quite shy about it. The first, Jim had said he’d done it several times before, but Spock wondered now if that was even true.

“There is no need to be nervous.” Spock opened his eyes and saw that Jim’s were open too.

“I’m not!” He said defensively, his face red. “You think I’m some kinda baby or something?”

“Not at all.”

They both jumped a tad when they heard Winona come back in.

“Okay, lights out. Bed time.” She looked as if she was expecting an argument. Instead, Jim quickly turned off the light without making a fuss. “Nighty-night. Love you.”

“Love you.” Jim mumbled, watching her walk back to the bedroom. When the door closed again, he turned back towards Spock. “I guess we should go to sleep.”

“Yes, I suppose we should.” Spock waited a few seconds. “In one second.”

“Why?”

Spock leaned over and kissed Jim on the mouth. It was very unVulcan to feel nervous, but even more so to feel elated, so he tried not to feel anything. It lasted only a second before Spock pulled back.

“Good night.” He rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head.

His heart was beating so fast, he was sure Jim could hear it. It was a good thing that it was so dark and that he was completely under the blanket –because it was not very Vulcan to be smiling so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time on dragon ball z: a time skip!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock takes Jim to school as apart of his research project on humans.

Spock was quite excited to get home from school today. Of course, he would never admit such a thing, or show any signs on the outside, but he felt it all the same. Currently at the age of eleven, Spock had long-since decided that feeling a few things every now and again was alright, as long as he still let logic dictate his decisions. He also allowed himself positive emotions only –and this was quite positive.

“Mother, I have fascinating news from school.” He walked in the house and hung his coat and bag on the hook. He walked into the kitchen where his mother was feeding a snack to Spock’s sister.

“What, dear?” Amanda held the spoon out to Sanara. She attempted to grab it from her, but Amanda pulled it back with a sigh. “Why won’t she eat this? You used to love it!”

“Perhaps she does not like the way you do it. See? She is trying to do it herself. Let her hold the spoon.” Spock often vouched for Sanara’s independence. He understood what it was like to be babied. He _was_ the baby for the first nine years of his life, until Sanara had been born almost two years ago.

“She just makes a mess when she tries to do it.” Amanda scooped up some of the paste and tried to feed it to her once more. “I already gave her a bath this morning.”

“May I try?” Spock asked.

“Sure.” She got up from the table and Spock took her place.

“Come on, Sanara. Eat the yummy food…” Spock’s favorite food did not look very yummy in this state, but he did not show his disdain.

“No. _Sa-kai_. No.” She scowled, knitting her eyebrows together in a perfect imitation of their father.

“Perhaps she is just not hungry.” Spock sighed, giving up. He picked her up from her booster seat and put her down on the floor, where she toddled around the kitchen. Spock went to the refrigerator to get his own snack.

“What were you telling me, dear? About school?” Amanda asked.

“Ah, yes. Our instructor says he will announce the details of an important research project tomorrow.” Spock emerged from the fridge with a carrot. “I do enjoy research.”

“ _Sa-kai_ , give!” Sanara held her hands out to him.

“No. This is mine. You already had a snack, and you did not want it.” Spock was not going to give in. He was not. He tried not to look at her or think about how cute she was.

“ _Sa-kai_ give, _sanu_.” She looked up at him. He stared down at her, tiny bits of emotion wavering in him at the sight of her. He truly loved her immensely. Her large brown eyes were pleading, and her dark hair was tied with a pink ribbon. It was much too cute to resist.

“Fine.” He snapped the carrot in half and handed her a piece.

“ _Lesek_.” She toddled off, crunching loudly.

“So, what are you researching?” Amanda followed Sanara into the living room to make sure she didn’t touch anything she shouldn’t. Spock followed.

“I am not sure yet. We will get our topics tomorrow.” Spock went to his school bag and got out his PADD. His mind was still racing with the possibilities.

“ _Sa-kai_ , up!” Sanara now wanted him to pick her up. Spock enjoyed holding her, but she was quite heavy these days.

“Not right now.” Spock did not look up.

He wasn’t worried about making her cry by denying her request. She was quite the logical Vulcan for someone who was just learning to walk and talk. Instead of whining, she just moved on to the nearest person.

“ _Ko-mekh_ , up!” She held out her arms to Amanda, who smiled and picked her up.

“Come on, let’s go in the garden. We can check the vegetables.” She kissed her daughter’s head and took her outside.

Spock went to the window and watched his mother put on her gardening gloves before handing Samara a plastic trowel and showing her how to dig.  Behind them, Spock’s latest patch of sunflowers were almost taller than the fence. If the surrounding Vulcans needed another reminder that this was a family with Earth heritage, they would soon get one. Spock hoped they liked the flowers.

He went upstairs and started his homework.  He finished six pages of math, and was just idly flipping through his textbook, thinking about his research project, when he got a message.

  * **What’s up, nerd face?**
  * _How was band?_
  * **I like playing music with you better. I wish I could quit, but mom says I have to stay for the whole semester.**



Spock always felt so content when talking to Jim, even if Jim was complaining about his band class. Spock understood that playing music with others was not as fulfilling as playing with one another, but it was one of Jim’s current goals to be some sort of musician, and his band lessons were supposedly helping him practice guitar.

“I have a research project coming up.” Spock told Jim when they video called later that evening.

“Sounds perfect for you.” Jim was doing his usual routine of eating snacks with his homework out. He occasionally tried to trick Spock into doing part of his homework for him, but Spock hardly ever relented. “What’cha researching?”

“I am not sure yet. We will know tomorrow.” Spock was already imagining receiving his high marks.

“You’ve got a goofy look on your face.” Jim chuckled. “You’re such a nerd.”

“I believe being placed in two advanced classes would classify you as a nerd as well.” Spock pointed out.

“It’s just good sense.” Jim said. “These count at credits for seventh grade, so next year, I won’t have to do these. I’ll get to go home at one. With no stupid band class, that’s like, so much more free time I have to watch tv.”

“How is your class really going?” Spock did not want to pry, but he was curious.

“It’s okay, I guess. I mean, I know all the chords and stuff, I just wish they had us play better songs. If I wanna learn anything good, I gotta practice on my own.”

“Are you?” Spock perked up slightly. The idea of Jim playing something he actually cared about was appealing.

“Sometimes.” He shrugged. “You wanna hear?”

“Yes.” Spock nodded.

“Okay! Hold on, I gotta get my rock star attire.” Jim laid his PADD facedown, so all Spock could see was darkness. Spock took this opportunity to read his science book, tuning back in when Jim turned his PADD back over.

“This is your rock star attire?” Spock asked. Jim was just wearing a warm-looking flannel shirt over the clothes he already had on.

“Yeah. I’m going for a 1990s vibe, Spock.”

“Ah, I see.” Though, really, he didn’t.

Jim sat on the bed and held his guitar. Spock watched Jim play a pretty song Spock did not recognize.  If Spock did not recognize it, then that must mean it was likely something popular on Earth at a time before Spock was born.

“I haven’t really practiced that much.” Jim said nervously. “Sorry if it sucks.”

“I thought it was beautiful.” Spock replied.

“Ha. Well, maybe I’ll play it at school tomorrow. Some of my other classmates have guitars too, and they’re always playing cool stuff. Maybe band doesn’t suck that bad.”

Before bed that night, when Spock would either review his school notes or do his own research, he found himself opening one of the recent notes he’d written over Christmas break. That was when he and his family had spent time on Earth. His parent’s had apparently seen the positive effect that spending time on Earth had for Spock, so they decided that Sanara should have that exposure as well.

Despite taking her to the park and to the beach by their hotel, Sanara had not done much other than babble and crawl around. That was actually perfect for when he and Jim pretended she was their baby when they played house. It wasn’t as if she could complain. Still, she seemed happy, so it seemed that his parent’s analysis had been correct.

Spock reviewed what he had written at that time.

_Jim Kirk is very good with small children._

_Jim Kirk would make a good house-husband and father._

Spock had reminded himself that just because Jim seemed to get along with a baby, did not necessarily mean he would make a good father. Yet, he recalled the way Jim was so gently with Sanara and held her hands to help her take wobbly steps.

“Come to Dad.” Jim had stood a few feet away when they were playing in the hotel. Sanara crawled to him, and he hugged her before pointing to Spock. “Now, go to other dad.”

“ _Sa-kai_ …” Sanara may have been a baby, but she knew that Spock was her brother, not her father. Spock tried to explain to her that they were just pretending to be her parents, but the concept was lost on her.

“ _Sa-kai.”_

Spock was so lost in thought that he had not noticed the noise. He jumped up from bed and opened his bedroom door. Sanara was sitting on the floor in the hallway outside the door.

“Hello, _ko-kai.”_ Spock picked her up. “It is past your bedtime.”

“No bed.” She said firmly.

“Would you like to sleep in my bed?” He only allowed it sometimes.

“No bed, _Sa-kai_.” She said again.

“Well, what do you want?” He asked. He knew it was important to treat Vulcan children like they were capable of rational thought and opinions, but Spock couldn’t help but think Sanara was still a tad too young to decide her own bedtime.

“ _Var.”_ She tugged at the sleeve of his pajama robe.

“You want me to read you a story?” Spock greatly enjoyed reading aloud, whether it was for Jim or Sanara. “Alright. Which one do you want?” He carried her to his bookshelf. He liked that she preferred the physical copies to digital, because he did not want her tiny messy hands all over his PADD. He knew she liked the illustrations as well.

“ _Yel-nel-dath_.” She pointed at one.

“Constellations?” Spock recognized the flat picture-heavy book as one he’d received for Christmas once. He took it and sat with her on the bed. He wrapped her up in the blanket and they both leaned back against the pillow.

“Tikky…” She looked at him.

“I thought I was going to read to you.”

“Tikky.”

“I do not understand why you need a stuffed animal to enjoy my reading to you.” He sighed. She stared at him, her bottom lip wavering as a barely-audible whimper came from her throat.

“Fine. I will get Tikky for you.” He got up. “Stay here.”

Spock had a slight fear of Sanara breaking his things ever since an incident a few months ago when she threw her teething ring at the video screen in the living room. Spock did not understand how she could have summoned enough force to break the screen, but ever since then, Spock was extra careful about leaving her around his things unsupervised.

He quickly went down the hall to Sanara’s room and grabbed her stuffed sehlat from off her bed. He went back to his room and gasped when he saw she was standing on top of his nightstand, reaching up at a shelf above his bed.

“Get down from there!” Spock dashed over and quickly put her back on the bed. “What were you doing?”

“Tikky!” She pointed at something on the shelf.

Behind the sea globe of Terran ocean water he’d gotten from Jim for his eleventh birthday, there was the stuffed cat Jim had given him after the first summer they spent together. Spock had kept it safe up there, deeming it a sentimental item, but also deeming himself too mature and logical to need a comfort toy.

“No. This one is yours.” He reminded her, holding up the stuffed sehlat.

“No. Want that one!” She pointed again.

“This one is much better.” Spock lied. It was true that it was of very fine quality. Romar’s bond-mate had actually made it for Sanara before she was born. She was apparently a talented tailor, and had also made a lot of baby’s clothes for Sanara that she was only just starting to grow out of.

“That one.” She was adamant, nodding as if she’d made some very logical point. Spock sighed.

“Very well. You may borrow it for _one night.”_ He held up one finger. She imitated him. He suppressed a tiny smile at how cute she was and got the cat down. “Here.”

Now with both stuffed animals held close to her body, she leaned back against the pillow and Spock covered them both in the blanket and opened the book.

“ _Constellations are familiar patterns of stars.”_  He read aloud and showed her every page. She seemed to enjoy the pictures of ones that were shaped like animals. He showed her Ursa Major and The Swan and she smiled.

“Look.” He showed her a picture of Lyra, the Harp and pointed to the star below M57. “According to my research, following this star from Earth is the quickest route to Vulcan. Vulcan is where we live.”

She nodded, as if that were obvious. She was not even in pre-school yet, so Spock was not sure how she could already know that. He flipped through the book until he found the picture of the most famous Vulcan constellation.

The one of Surak was commonly identified by his belt of four stars.

“Look.” He pointed to one on the end. “This one leads to Earth. Do you remember going to Earth?”

She smiled and nodded. He was not sure if she actually remembered or if she was just amused by his voice and the pictures.

“Do you remember Jim?” Spock asked. “Jim pushed you on the baby swing.”

“Dad.” She laughed.

“Yes! Well, no.” Spock struggled to explain. “We were only pretending he was your dad. He is not your real dad.”

“Yes.” She nodded.

“You know that?” Spock asked. “You know your real dad is Father, right?”

“ _Sa-mekh_.” She nodded and yawned.

“Yes.” He closed the book. “Do you want to go to bed?”

“Not sleepy.” She said. “Show more pictures?”

“I do not have any other picture books in here.” He briefly considered getting one from her room, but he did not want her to try and climb all over his furniture again. “Here.”

He got his PADD and opened his photos. He took photos quite often as part of his research, though most were just for fun.

“Here is you as a newborn.” He showed her the picture of a tiny green-faced baby in a cradle at the hospital. She was completely bald, with her head kept warm by a knit cap.

“Me?”

“Yes, that is you.” Spock nodded. He scrolled ahead to her first birthday. The first birthday was the only one Vulcan’s celebrated, as if was tradition carried over from centuries ago when there was a much higher infant mortality rate. “Look, you are eating cake.”

He scrolled around, looking for more pictures of her, until he came across one from the same summer when Jim’s had given him the stuffed cat. It was actually that same day. Jim was celebrating their victory at the three-legged race. He looked so happy.

“Jim!” She pointed, tapping the screen.

“Yes.” Spock smiled. “He is… my betrothed.”

Only one other person on Vulcan knew that, and that was Romar. It was not that Spock was ashamed, it was actually the opposite. Spock was very happy and proud to have a human bond-mate, but he was just not sure he wanted to tell his parents yet. He was just never sure what they would say.

“Hmm?” She knitted her brows together.

“That means we are going to be bond-mates one day, when we are older. Married.” He explained with a shy smile.

She yawned.

“You will have one too, a bond-mate.” He said. “Though, there has lately been reports of Vulcans wanting to be able to choose their own bond-mates, even if it means going without one in adolescence. It is part of a new wave of feminism in young Vulcan women. Mother says she admires their politics. It is why you have a traditionally masculine name.”

She just stared at him. He could never tell if she enjoyed his lectures, or if she wanted him to be quiet and just show her pretty pictures.

“Look, a real kitty.” He showed her a picture he’d taken of one of the cats on Jim’s farm.

“Tikky.” She smiled and yawned again.

“Alright, Sanara, it is very late. We both need to go to sleep.” He picked her up and she clutched both of the stuffed animals in her arms as he carried her to her room. He laid her on the bed and covered her with the knitted blanket he and his mother had made before she was born.

“Good-night.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Night, _Sa-kai_.” She closed her eyes. “… _ashaya_ …”

Spock paused in his quiet tip-toeing out of her room. Sanara’s current speech patterns of mixing Standard and Vulcan were quite typical of a child her age, but it was  clear that she was learning Standard from their mother and Vulcan from their father.

If she was telling Spock she loved him in Vulcan, then it was likely something she heard from their father, and often, at that.

“ _Ashaya.”_ He said, before leaving and quietly closing the door behind him.

 

 

The next day at school, Spock stood eagerly outside the classroom. Majority of the class was already there, and they were standing around in different groups, discussing the project.

“Perhaps it is on the history of the ruins outside the city?” Suggested a boy named Sek. “We did take a trip there last year.”

“That is not it.” A girl named T’Pell scoffed. “We already saw the ruins last year. The instructor would not make us research them again.”

“I really liked them, though.” Sek said quietly.

“It is on the current political battle over the sulfur supplies found on the Vulcan asteroid mine.” T’Kett seemed positive. “I have the article right here. It would be most logical to have us research and be aware of current events.”

“I would not mind that.” T’Pring said.

“I would.” Stonn’s low growl was recognizable to Spock, even as he tried to stay flat against the wall and not speak up. “I would rather we research a fascinating person, such as Sekhet.”

“Sekhet was the violent and illogical Goddes of war.” Spock did not mean to dismiss Stonn’s idea so loudly or with such scorn, but he found that everyone was suddenly looking over at him.

“Yes. He was.” Stonn said. “But that does not mean we cannot find her motives and ideas fascinating.”

“It should.” Spock said coolly. Their classmates fell silent, watching the pair almost nervously.

“What are you anticipating the project is, then?” Stonn asked almost as if it were a threat.

“I think it would be best if the instructor let us each pick out own topic.” Spock said, the idea just coming to him. “We could each do what interests us.”

Spock rarely spoke to his classmates like this, but they were all listening to him intently, staring at him. For a moment, Spock wondered if he had said something they deemed illogical, but then T’Pell nodded.

“I would like that.” She said.

“As would I.” Sek agreed.

 The rest of the group murmured agreement, aside from Stonn, who just clenched his fists and stared at the floor.

“That is a very logical idea, Spock.” T’Pring nodded coming to stand beside him. “Let us ask the instructor when he arrives.”

When the chime sounded, Instructor Sonak arrived. He seemed surprised to see the entire class waiting outside the door. They parted and he approached the keypad and began to unlock the door.

“Savensu Sonak.” T’Pring approached him. “May I ask you about the research project?”

“I will discuss your topic today.” He said. The door opened and they all filed in. “You may ask me any remaining questions afterwards.”

Spock sat down in the first row of desks as he always did and T’Pring sat beside him. Everyone was dead silent, waiting.

“As you all know,” Sonak closed the classroom door. “You have a project coming up. In this project, your research has the potential to be a published article. The one published will be chosen by one of the editors of Vulcan’s most-viewed news outlet.”

There were murmurs of excitement at this. Spock’s father had been featured in the news many times for his work, and Spock could not help but imagine how proud his parents would be if Spock’s research was in the news as well.

“You must have a visual aid prepared as well, and present it in front of the class.”

“Savensu,” T’Pring raised her hand. “You still have not told us what the topic is.”

“Of course.” There seemed to be an unreadable gleam in his eyes. “You will each pick your own topic. You must submit your topic for my approval by the end of the week. Try to choose something you are passionate about, as your written portion should be a minimum of five-thousand words.”

At the notion of pursuing their own topics, the usually quite class erupted into chatter. T’Pring leaned over to Spock and smiled.

“You were right. I am quite pleased to be able to pick my own topic.”

“Yes, I am also pleased Spock was right.” T’Pell said.

Everyone’s chatter of their preferred topics was quieted down as Sonak began their lesson. Spock greatly enjoyed classroom lectures over the fast-paced competitive environment of the skill domes. In either place, their test scores were public to encourage trying your best, but Spock found that the classroom was better for questions and notes.

After class, Spock gathered his things and was still thinking about his project, when he overheard T’Kett approach Sek near the front of the classroom.

It was usual that they all had to look up to Sek, as he was the tallest person in their class, but Spock noticed she seemed to be looking up at him added signs of admiration.

“If you still wanted to do your project on the city ruins, I still have my notes from our fieldtrip, if you wanted to borrow them.”

“I still have my notes as well, so I do not need yours.”

“I see.” She seemed nervous. “Well, you know my father runs the train out of the city. Perhaps we can ride out and visit the ruins together?”

“No. I would rather travel there on foot with my sehlat.” Sek picked up his bag. “Goodbye, T’Kett. I will see you tomorrow.” He left the room and T’Kett followed with a sigh, dragging her feet.

Spock did not understand how Sek could be so ignorant as not to notice that she was obviously asking because she was interested in him romantically, and not just academically. Spock suppressed a sigh and just shook his head. It was times like this that he was very glad he already had a bond-mate, even if it was a secret.

That evening, Spock’s parents seemed pleased when he told them the details of his assignment, but none of their suggestions for topics seemed good enough.

“What about your sunflowers?” Amanda asked as Spock helped her with dishes after dinner. “They’re so pretty, and you could teach your class how to grow their own.

“No…that is not good enough.” Spock sighed.

“What about a lecture on caring for elderly sehlats?” She chuckled, looking over at I-Chaya, who was sniffing under the table for dinner scraps.

“Hm.” Spock looked too. I-Chaya was now mostly grey, and seemed to only ever sleep and eat. He used to chase Spock in the garden, but now he seemed too old to do that for Sanara. “No. Not special enough.”

“I have an idea. Write it about Sanara.” Jim had been thinking of a suggestion since Spock told him about it at the start of their usual nightly video chats. This was not the suggestion Spock had anticipated.

“What?”

“She’s so cute, everyone will love her. The way she talks is so funny, and you’ll definitely get an A if you take her in and show her to your class.” He laughed.

“I fail to see how she would be fascinating to my class. I am sure many of my classmates have siblings, and are used to children.” Still, Spock appreciated the effort.

“Well, you’ve still got tons of options. You’re always researching stuff when you’re here. I think you must have written a million words just on seaweed.”

Spock knew that was a hyperbole, but Jim did have a point. His true passion was Terran lifeforms. He opened his past documents and began flipping through things he’d written.

No matter what Spock’s focus had been in each document, whether it be cows or fish or dandelions, nothing seemed quite as impassioned as the things he’d written about his favorite subject of all.

“Jim.” Spock realized with a small gasp.

“Hm?” Jim looked up.

“It is you. You are the perfect subject for my research.” Spock’s Vulcan logical barely hid the excitement he was feeling.

“Me?” Jim chuckled, pink in the face. “Who would wanna read all that stuff you write about me?”

“It is very fascinating. I could write all about humans and the impact they have had on Vulcan. I could show you to my class as a visual aide.” Spock was growing more fond of the idea by the moment.

“I’d have to come all the way to Vulcan for that.” Jim sat up.

Jim had never visited Spock on Vulcan before. Spock always went to Earth during Jim’s breaks from school. Even after all this time, Spock still found Earth fascinating, but the idea of Jim seeing Vulcan was equally as appealing.

“Is that something you would be willing to do?” Spock asked.

“Hell yeah!” He grinned. “I’ve always been curious, it’s just that I thought you always wanted to come here cuz you like it.”

“I do.” Spock nodded. “But I do believe it is time you see my home planet.”

“Are you gonna make _me_ write research about _you_?” His grin faltered.

“No.”

“Then let’s do it!” Jim laughed. “Ugh, whenever I want something from mom, I gotta start acting good a few days in advance. I better clean my room. I’ve got a few loads of laundry under my bed I should do too.”

“I shall talk to my parents as well.”

“Let’s report back at 1600 tomorrow.” Jim said in his pretend captain voice.

“Yes, Captain. Mission objective understood.” Spock preferred that over almost any other pretending they did.

They hung up and Spock went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom. He knocked and poked his head in. His mother was sitting at her vanity where she usually took her makeup off and brushed her hair before bed. His father was in bed reading.

“Hey, dear.” Amanda smiled at him.

“Do you need anything?” Sarek looked up at him.

“Yes. I thought of the perfect subject for my project, but I need your assistance with it.” Spock said. He tried not to show anything on his face resembling nervousness as they looked at each other and back at him.

“What is it?” Sarek asked.

“I want Jim Kirk to be my subject.” Spock tried to sound like the perfect logical Vulcan, and that meant backing up his request with more logic. “It is likely that no other student in my class understand humans in the way that I do. I believe there are too many negative misconceptions among Vulcans about humans. I think a lecture to my class would help. Jim Kirk should come and be my visual aid to class.”

Spock waited, his hands clasped behind his back. He could tell his mother was amused by the idea, but as always, his father was impossible to read. They looked at each other, and Spock was very grateful that Vulcans could not sweat.

“I think that’s a fine idea.” Amanda said.

“I agree.” Sarek nodded. “That would be quite an informative topic.”

“Jim can come?” Spock suppressed a smile. “Thank you. When would be best? My written portion is due in two weeks, but I am not sure what day I am presenting to the class.”

“We can work it out with Winona.” Amanda said. She got up and patted Spock’s head on her way to bed.

“Yes. For now, you should go get adequate rest for school tomorrow.” Sarek said.

Spock nodded to them respectfully and stepped out into the hallway, where he allowed himself to feel raw unbridled excitement for one second, before going back to his room.

The next day, Spock knew he would have to submit his project idea for Savensu Sonak’s approval. He was starting to question if it was even a good idea as he waited in the classroom with the other students.

The instructor was taking them each individually into his office to hear their ideas. It was not a for the fear of plagiarism, but more so that everyone’s idea remained just between them and the teacher. Spock looked over at Sek, who was watching a video on his PADD. He was too far away for Spock to see what it was, but he knew it had to be ruins.

“Have you decided on your topic?” T’Pring asked, sitting beside him. “I am still deciding, so Savensu said I had until Friday.”

“I have chosen.” Spock nodded. “But I cannot tell you.”

“Oh. I understand. It is just that, well, Sek told me his.”

“I believe we _all_ know his.” Spock resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She knitted her eyebrows together in a scowl, and Spock regretted having used that tone. “I apologize. It is just that I do not want you to negatively judge my idea.”

“I would not negatively judge your idea.” She said.

“Well…alright. But you must promise not to tell anyone else in class. It is a secret.” Spock lowered his voice to a whisper and leaned in.

“I can keep your secret.” She said, her face unwavering.

He knew now they were both thinking of the way she’d never told a soul that Spock’s mind was unbondable in the Vulcan sense. She’d always known since their failed ceremony, yet she’d let everyone, even their parents believe it had failed for an unknown reason. Spock could trust her with this.

“I have decided to do my project on humans.” He whispered.

“Humans?” She did not say it too loudly. She paused for a moment, thinking. Spock was not sure what he would say if she revealed she felt negatively about his idea. “I think that is ambitious of you.”

“What makes you say that?” He still found himself unsure of her intentions.

“I can tell that you want to change the way many Vulcans see humans, so as to improve Vulcan’s opinion of them, as well as of you.” She said. “That is ambitious. Nearly impossible, but ambitious.”

“Not impossible.” Spock said firmly. “Difficult, but not impossible.”

Savensu Sonak’s office door opened and everyone looked up, anticipating their turn. He looked at Spock and called his name. As Spock got up from his seat, he was suddenly unable to focus on anything but T’Pring’s words. Ambitious, but impossible.

He entered Sonak’s office and closed the door. Spock had never been in here before, as it was usually a bad sign to have to be in the teacher’s office. It usually meant you were in trouble for something. Spock’s eyes instinctively went to the bookshelf along the back wall, and Spock noticed he had many of the same titles on his own shelf at home.

“Spock, have a seat.” Sonak sat at the desk, and Spock sat in the chair in front of it. Sonak clasped his hands together and looked at him. Spock was not sure if he was permitted to speak yet, so he did not. Sonak picked up a PADD from his desk and Spock was certain he was looking at Spock’s transcript.

“According to your transcript, you have perfect marks in all of your past mathematics, science, and history classes. Yet, you have taken regular hiatuses between attending lectures. For what reason?”

“Person health.” Spock answered automatically, as he tried not to think about he and Jim playing under the cool Terran sun.

Spock also wondered if Sonak could see Spock’s marks in his physical education classes, where he was painfully average. Spock had completed the final course in swimming last year, and though his abilities were perfect in the technical sense, he finished just ten seconds short of the required time for perfect marks.

“Have you decided on your topic?” Sonak but down the PADD and looked at Spock over his clasped fingers.

“Yes, Savensu.” Spock did not want to give him a chance to react negatively, so he decided to not give him a second to react at all. “I have chosen to do my research on humans. There is an illogical negative opinion that many Vulcans have for humans, or those with human ancestry, such as myself and my sister. It would be most beneficial for me to provide facts and only facts, so that my peers can understand exactly what humans _are._ They are just different, not bad.”

Sonak raised an eyebrow but did not speak for a moment. Spock was not sure what he was thinking, as his face had the usual Vulcan stoniness that made it unreadable.

“Ambitious.” He said after a moment.

“But not impossible.”

“Not at all.” Sonak said. “I believe the negative opinions come from misconceptions. Many technological advancements have been made by humans, but improved by Vulcans, leaving humans seeming insignificant. It can also come from the fact that many Vulcans have never spoken to a human. This is all my speculation, of course, and you will have to determine if this is true or not in your research.”

“Yes, Savensu.” Spock nodded, inwardly pleased. He stood up. “I also have a visual aid in mind, but with your permission, I would like to have it remain a secret until I present to the class.”

“As long as this aid follows all school regulations, then that is acceptable.” He nodded. “You are dismissed.”

He went to the door and opened it for Spock, before calling on the next student. T’Pring looked up at Spock expectantly, and Spock nodded to confirm that, yes, his topic had been approved.

He could not wait to get to work.

 

 

“So, what’d everyone say?” Jim asked him that afternoon. Spock had his PADD propped up against his desk lamp as he was already starting on his project.

“My parents and teacher all approved of my idea. Though, I did not tell my teacher exactly what I was planning for a visual aid.” Spock said.

“But he liked your idea? Cool. I told my mom that you wanted my help with something for school, but I didn’t really know how to explain it to her without it sounding like you were doing something weird.”

“This is weird?” Spock looked up, tapping his chin with the eraser end of the pencil. His outline had already been erased and re-written a few times. Was his work insensitive in some way?

“No!” Jim chuckled. “I know you don’t mean it in a weird way. And you’re part human, so it’s not like you’re some alien trying to creep on humans for no reason. But you gotta admit, presenting me to your class like I’m a lab rat is kinda weird. Funny, too, though.”

Spock did not respond. If Jim wanted to change his mind, Spock could always present his information without Jim’s help. Perhaps if he asked nicely, his mother would agree to be his visual aid. There was something strange and sad about taking your mother to school, but Spock could not place what it was.

Over the next few days, it was decided that Jim would arrive next Sunday. Spock’s presentation could be on any day that following week, and Spock wanted to be always prepared.

Spock spent day after day in his room working. He never realized how much research he’d actually done on humans. He had pages worth of just Jim’s preferences in food and games, never mind the other aspects of his human phycology.

After completing the outline of what each page would be, Spock moved to his father’s office to use the computer to make slides. It was strange to be allowed in here for so long. Sarek did not even leave the door open or constantly pop back in to make sure Spock wasn’t messing anything up.

Spock made slides on human’s accomplishments in science and arts and found information that he’d not even been aware of. Humans were so beautiful and complex. Not at all simple crying things like so many Vulcans believed.

“Did you know there are roughly 50 million humans living on the moon?” Spock asked when he heard the door open.

“They’re called Lunar Schooners.” Amanda laughed.

Spock had expected it to be his father, so he was surprised to see his mother standing in the doorway. He wondered if she was in here to check on him, or to spy on him and report back to Sarek.

“Actually, those on the moon do not refer to it as Luna, but just as the moon.” Spock turned back towards the computer screen.

“I know that, my little scientist.” She stood behind him and ruffled his hair. When Spock reached up to fix the mess in his hair, she leaned over his shoulder and began scrolling through his slides. “Wow, you have a lot more on here than I would have thought.”

“Our presentation must be roughly twenty minutes long.” Spock said.

“I see. I just thought you were writing about Jim.”

“My project is on humans as a whole. Jim is just my visual aid.” Spock secretly had a few slides prepared just on Jim in particular, but his other goal with the project was to show Jim in a good light and let his class get to know him.

If a lot of Vulcans got to know Jim and saw how nice humans were, maybe Spock would be able to tell his parents the truth, that Jim was more than his friend.

The only people who knew were Romar, who Spock could not ever believe he was once afraid of, and Sanara, who was likely too young to ever remember Spock telling her.

“I’m sure it’ll be great.” She gently patted his head so as not to mess up his hair. “I can’t wait to see you get published.

 

“I can’t believe I have to have shots before I can go to Vulcan.” Jim sighed. “Do you guys  think I’m gonna bring some gross disease to your planet?”

“Not at all.” Spock was carefully tracing a diagram of human anatomy from his textbook. He didn’t have to look up at his PADD and see Jim’s expression to tell he wasn’t really offended. “Those shots help your body adjust to Vulcan heat and atmosphere. Your lungs will be weak without them. You can breathe much easier, and your body will not overheat. You may still feel physically weak due to the gravity, but you will adjust.”

It was the opposite for Spock. When he went to Earth, the different gravity made him feel stronger and lighter. He wondered how must stronger he would than Jim with them both on Vulcan.

“Look.” Jim showed Spock two band-aids on his arm. “The doc kept asking me about Vulcan, like if I was going to study. I told him I was going to see my friend, but then he told me Vulcan’s don’t have friends. What a load of crap, huh?”

“Many Vulcans have beneficial intrapersonal relationships, but they do not use the word friend.” Spock explained. “I believe it all depends on the person.”

“Oh. Well, do you have any friends there? Like, kids in your class?” Jim asked.

Spock thought for a moment. T’Pring was always decent to him. He could not remember the last time anyone other than Stonn whispered something derogatory to him. He then recalled how quick everyone was to let him into their discussion before class the day their project was announced.

“I think so.”

“You think so?” Jim chuckled. “You’re so funny sometimes!”

“It is never intentional.” Spock reminded him.

Sunday arrived and Spock rose before the sun did. He had barely slept the night before, but it did not matter. He could rest later. Jim was coming today.

Spock opened his window latch and climbed onto his balcony. He watched the sky, taking in the twinkle of stars and blinking of satellites and ships. Which one would bring Jim? Was Jim awake yet and ready? He held up one finger and traced the belt of Surak in the sky.

He got dressed and went downstairs. With Sunday being the Vulcan day of rest from school and work, Spock was the only one awake. He made himself tea and oatmeal and ate alone at the kitchen table.

When the sunrise began to come through the windows, Spock went around and opened all the drapes in the house. At seven, he decided to get to work on the special snack he had planned for Jim.

Spock went into the kitchen and gathered all of the things he needed for chocolateless brownies. Spock found it intruiging that they were called blondies. Jim was blonde and Spock did not like chocolate, so it seemed perfect.

Spock was mixing brown sugar with butter when his parents came downstairs. Sarek made tea, while Amanda put Sanara at the table and stepped around Spock to prepare her breakfast.

Spock’s treats were cooling when it was only after seven in the morning. Spock checked the chronometer in the living room to make sure the one on the oven was functioning correctly.

“A watched pot never boils.” Amanda told him. She was sitting in her armchair knitting. Sanara was on the floor flipping through a picture book on Vulcan animals.

“I am not boiling anything.” Spock was confused.

“That is an expression on Earth.” Sarek explained. “It means that if you constantly watch the clock, the time will never go on.”

“Time will not freeze.” Spock was even more confused.

“But your perception of time will be halted.” Sarek said. “It will seem as if each minute is longer than the last. The best thing to calm yourself from the emotion of excitement is to keep busy.”

“Father, when was the last time you felt excitement?” Spock asked. If Sarek recognized the emotion in Spock, then he was no stranger to it. Spock knew it could be considered rude to ask about another Vulcan’s emotions, but this was his father. Surely, he could would understand Spock did not mean it in a bad way.

“I suppose…when your sister was born.” Sarek looked down at Sanara. “The doctors were certain she was healthy and that the delivery would go well. It was just a matter of waiting.”

Thirty hours of labor. Spock recalled it. He’d been so uncomfortable attempting to meditate in the waiting room. He’d busied himself by going downstairs to the hospital lobby and watching many Vulcans come in for all sorts of strange ailments.

“Did you feel excitement when I was born?” Spock asked. Amanda seemed interested in his answer as well. She paused her knitting and looked up at him with a smirk.

“Yes.” He answered tentatively. “I was excited to be a father, but I was also anxious and partially afraid. These emotions did not last, but they were there for a reason. With Sanara, there were records of a healthy hybrid embryo to consult. That record was of you. When you were born, there was no such record. No one was sure if you would be healthy or survive past infancy.”

“I see.” Spock had not meant to stir up any negative emotions. He briefly considered hugging his father around the leg the way Sanara did, but he knew he was much too old to get away with that. Instead, he just looked up at him. “I appreciate you telling me this.”

“You are welcome.” Sarek said. “Now, Spock, I have an important request. You are free to deny it, if you wish. It is completely your choice.”

“What is it?”

“…May I sample one of the treats you made?” There was a faint green tint on Sarek’s face. “They smell very delicious.”

“Hm.” Spock pretended to contemplate. “Yes. You may. We all may.”

“Oh, sign me up!” Amanda laughed.

At eleven, Spock knew it was time to get ready and go pick up Jim. He quickly combed his hair and put on his shoes. When he dashed downstairs, Amanda was still dressing Sanara up in her travelling robes.

“Mother, hurry up.” Spock looked at the chronometer, before he remembered what his parents had said about pots.

“Calm down, Spock . I promise you’ll be fine.” She was putting on Sanara’s shoes, but Sanara whined and kept kicking them off.

“She can go barefoot.” Spock tried to reason. “You are just going to carry her everywhere, anyways.”

“Not with my back, I’m not!” She chuckled incredulously.

“Then I will carry her.” Spock said impatiently, going to pick her up.

“I will carry her.” Sarek reached down and got her. He did not hold her the way Spock did. Instead, he put her on his shoulders, with her legs dangling down onto his chest. She smiled and gripped his hair.

“ _Sa-mekh abertau_.” She squeaked. Spock was not surprised she liked it. There was a photo in one of their albums of Sarek carrying Spock in the same way. Spock seemed just as pleased.

At the car, Spock knew it would be an ordeal to buckle Sanara into her car seat, so he waited impatiently in the backseat. Sarek put her in and after a few snaps and buckles, he looked across the seat at Spock.

“Would you like to drive?”

“Me?” Spock blinked in surprise.

“Your age is optimal for practice. You are allowed to operate a vehicle at age twelve as long as an adult is with you.”

“I am only eleven.” Spock reminded him.

 “No one on the road knows that.” Sarek handed Spock the key.

“Oh, Sarek.” Amanda laughed. “Here, switch.” She got into the backseat and Sarek took the passenger seat.

Spock got into the driver’s seat. He’d seen diagrams of cars and knew exactly how they worked, so he knew how to move the seat forward and adjust the mirrors.

“You should be able to see the road behind you.” Sarek said when Spock reached for the rearview mirror. “Not your sister.”

“I was not attempting to look at her anyways. Mother stop waving, you are distracting me.” Spock move the mirror. He then put on his seatbelt. “Now, what?”

“Start the car.” Sarek said patiently.

“Are you sure?”

“How else are we going to move?” There was a bit of amusement in his eyes.

“Right.” Spock turned the key and felt the clean-energy engine purr lightly.

“Reverse.” Sarek prompted.

“He’s a backseat driver.” Amanda laughed, leaning forward into the space between their seats. “You get used to it.”

“You are the one in the backseat.” Spock pointed out. “And please lean back.”

“Sorry.” She sat back, smiling.

Spock carefully followed his father’s instructions and drove out of their residential neighborhood and further into the city. Spock stopped at every stop sign.

“All stop signs are uniquely shaped like trapezoids.” Sarek said.

“I can see that.” Spock nodded.

“They’re octagons on Earth.” Amanda said from the backseat.

“Octo…gon.” Sanara said.

“That’s right!” Amanda laughed.

“Vulcan road rules claim that you must stop at passages for pedestrians.” Sarek said when they approached a crosswalk. Spock slowed to a stop and watched the Vulcans cross.

“That is my teacher.” Spock gasped as he noticed Sonar among the other Vulcans crossing. “What if he sees me driving? He can check my school record and see I am not of age.”

“He’s not even looking over here, Spock.” Amanda chuckled. “Well, he is now. Quick, go.”

Spock felt his heart pound nervously until they turned and he was sure the Vulcan pedestrians could not see them anymore.

“All turns must be indicated.” Sarek said.

“I did indicate.” Spock glanced down to make sure.

“I never said you did not indicate. I am reciting all of the rules of the road in this county.”

“Ignore him, Hun. Trust me, it’s all you can do sometimes.” Amanda said.

At the station, Spock could finally breath a sign of relief when he parked. The traffic had been very minimal, considering most Vulcans walked in nice weather, meaning they were a bit early.

“How was I?” Spock asked as he got out.

“Optimal.” Sarek took Sanara out of her seat and put her back on his shoulders. “I see no reason why you should not secure a license when you are of age.”

Unlike the stations for trains and shuttles on Earth, there were no high-sugar snacks for sale. There was a stall selling tea, and a stall selling small items one needed when travelling, such as ponchos and scarves.

Spock checked the board and saw that Jim’s shuttle had not yet arrived. They would have to wait for at least ten minutes. They found and empty bench.

“Come on, Sanara.” Amanda gently grabbed her daughter’s hand. “You need to go potty?”

Spock was grateful he did not have to take her, like he did so often when they were in public. He and his father sat on the bench in silence. The last shuttle had arrived almost an hour ago, so it’s occupants had already been picked up or otherwise left. Only the occasional Vulcan in a station-worker’s uniform walked by.

“You saved your project onto our drive, so it can be accessed by the computer in my office, as well as on our PADDs.” Sarek said. “Is it alright with you if I look at some of it?”

“That is alright with me.” Spock nodded. “I want to know if I should change any of it.”

“I will not really be critiquing. I will be admiring.”

Amanda came back from the bathroom with Sanara and Spock looked at the chronometer above the arrivals board.

“ _1315 From Earth now docking.”_ A computerized voice announced.

Spock jumped up and went to the gates the passengers would come through. He craned his neck to look past the barrier, but the Vulcan woman at the podium held up a hand.

“Stand back. No one past this point. If you wish to board, you must go to the _other_ gate.”

“I am waiting for someone.” Spock explained.

“You must wait behind the barrier.” She said.

Spock suppressed a sigh and stepped behind the ropelike barrier. People began coming through the gate, and Spock scanned the Vulcans for signs of Jim. Over his shoulder, he could hear Sarek speaking quietly with a few of them, and Spock wondered if he was acquainted with them.

Spock had kept his gaze low so as to search for Jim, but apparently that had been inaccurate. The first thing that escaped Spock’s mouth when he saw Jim was much louder than it should have been.

“You are so…tall!”

“You’re so short!” Jim laughed and placed his hands on Spock’s shoulders.

“I have not shrunk any since we last saw each other.” Spock said.

“You haven’t grown much, though.” He seemed quite giddy. “Can you believe it?! Mom says I’ll probably grow another few inches over this summer, too. You better catch up, pal. I thought vegetables were supposed to make you taller!”

Spock was not annoyed that Jim now had a few inches on him. In fact, it gave him a warm feeling whenever they were side by side and Spock had to look up at him.

“You’ve gotten bigger, too!” Jim picked Sanara up. “Wow, she’s heavy.”

“Isn’t she?” Amanda laughed. “So, Jim, how’s school going?”

“Boring and lame.” Jim said before seeming to remember Amanda’s profession. “I mean --good.”

As the two humans chatted, Spock found himself lagging slightly behind Jim’s longer strides. It was also partially because Sanara was trying to hold his hand, slowing him down.

“Spock,” Sarek picked her up once more. “Tell Jim about earlier.”

“Oh, yes.” Spock wondered in that moment if the only reason Sarek let him drive was so that he could brag about it to Jim. “I drove the car here.”

“You did?” Jim’s eyes widened. “Lucky! My mom barely even lets Sam drive. Was it hard?”

“No.”

“Did you almost hit anyone?”

“Of course not.” Spock shook his head.

“Lucky!” He said again. “You can’t drive three feet on my road without a rabbit or something jumping out in front. It’s crazy.”

Sarek took the wheel on the drive home, and Spock sat in the back with Jim. Jim was glued to the window and seemed amazed at Vulcan.

“Everything is so…weird looking. And pointy.” He said.

“Our architecture is perfectly logical.” Spock said.

“Look, it’s what’s-his-face! The guy you like!” Jim pointed.

“Who?” Spock blushed slightly and looked out the window. “Oh, Surak. Yes, that is the statue that marks this park in his honor. Surak was not just _a guy_ , Jim. He is the reason we all live logically.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jim laughed. “I watched a Vulcan tourist video before I got here. It was practically all about that guy.”

After wowing at almost every tall building, Jim’s amazement did not subside as they went into the residential area where Spock lived.

“Look at all the plants!”

“Vulcans grow their own food.” Spock said.

“Right in there yards?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, it’s that guy again!” They parked in Spock’s driveway and Jim got out and approached the statue of Surak just inside the gate.

“ _That guy_.” Amanda said to herself with a laugh. “If I’d called Surak that when your father and I had first gotten married, he wouldn’t have even let me in the house!”

Spock subtly took Jim’s hand and pulled him inside. In the front door, Spock wiped his shoes on the mat and took them off, leaving them with the toes against the wall and the heels together. Jim copied him.

“Would you like a tour?” Spock asked. “It is polite to give guests a tour upon arrival.”

“Sure.” He nodded.

“This is the foyer.” Spock gestured around them. “That door leads to the kitchen, and that door leads to the den. From the kitchen, there is a door to the backyard. From the den, there is a door to the bathroom , and there are stairs leading to the bedrooms and upstairs bathroom. Follow me.”

Spock led him to each room in turn, and was pleased by how often Jim said _wow,_ even if it perhaps was just for Spock’s benefit.

“Is that you?” Jim stopped in the hallway and pointed to a photograph on a shelf.

“That is me at two years old.” Spock confirmed. The photo showed him looking at the camera with a blank expression.

“You were so cute!” He laughed. Spock blushed and tried to move the tour along.

“This is my sister’s room.” Spock opened her door and they poked their heads in for just a second. Among the natural colors Vulcans decorated with, there was the prominent use of the color pink.

“That is my father’s office. We cannot go in there without his permission.” Spock then crossed the hall. “This is my room.”

Spock had carefully cleaned his room the day before. His bed was made, and all of his things were put away. The only thing out of place was the stuffed cat he’d leant to Sanara a little while ago.

Apparently, she’d decided to return it right to the center of his pillow that morning, making it look like he slept with it. Spock was only mildly embarrassed. After all, Jim had stuffed animals as well.

“Woah, look at all these books.” He went to the wooden shelf that reached the ceiling and began pulling random ones. “Vulcan….Vulcan…Standard, but boring….Vulcan.”

“Jim, you are messing up their order.” Spock went behind him and rearranged them properly.

“Sorry, short-stack.” He chuckled. Spock knew Jim was teasing him, but he did not mind the name. “Come on, I forgot my bags in your trunk.”

They brought up Jim’s bags and Spock opened one of his dresser drawers that he’d emptied the day before.

“You may have this one.”

“Thanks.” Jim began shoving his suitcase’s contents into the drawer, while Spock admired the other case.

“You brought your guitar.” Spock carefully opened it and peered inside.

“Yep. My teacher says I gotta practice even when I’m here. Do you have any music in your project?”

“Yes.” Spock nodded. “I have a sample of Mozart.”

“Oh, well, could I still play for your class? Maybe?”

“You want to play for them?” Spock’s eyes widened.

“Maybe.” He seemed nervous. “Wait, do Vulcans clap after a performance?”

“No, they do not.” Spock said.

“Oh. Well, maybe not then.” He chuckled. “So, you have your whole project done? Can I see it?”

“I have the essay portion and the slides.” Spock confirmed, reaching for the PADD on his desk. “I only have a few notes on my oral presentation. I was waiting for your assistance. I should discuss you at this point in the presentation, and I want everything I say about you to be accurate.”

“ _Jim Kirk has a brilliant imagination_.” Jim read aloud from the PADD. “You really think that about me?”

“I –yes.” Spock had not realized it would make him feel strange to have Jim finally read what he’d been writing. “Do you want me to remove that part?”

“No. It’s just nice of you to say, that’s all.” Jim looked up, his face pink. “Especially since you’re, like, a genius.”

They shared a moment of silence, before Amanda knocked on the bedroom door. She poked her head in and seemed unfazed by seeing them having already started on schoolwork.

“Spock, did you offer Jim a treat?” She asked.

“Oh, no. I forgot.” Spock could not believe it. “Would you like a blondie?”

“Sure, I love those!” Jim jumped up and followed Spock downstairs.

Perhaps it was the thrill of eating a second treat before dinner in one day, or the thrill of being close to Jim again, but Spock found that his heart would not stop racing.

That afternoon, Spock took Jim into the back garden, where they admired the growing food and flowers. Jim compared his height to the sunflowers, and saw that there was at least one thing here that had him beat on height.

“Who pollinates all the flowers on Vulcan if there’s no bees?” Jim asked.

“An insightful question.” Spock was impressed. “Flowers that are not self-pollinating are pollinated by a type of flying brown insect called a ravot. Ravot’s hives contain a bitter sap used in Vulcan port, a popular drink.”

“Do ravot’s sting?”

“No. They bite. It hurts very bad.” Spock had been bitten by one in this very garden several years ago. He almost cried, but was able to suppress the urge.

“Is that one?” Jim pointed.

Spock looked over in alarm, but sighed in relief.

“No, that is just a moth. You are asking a lot of questions.” Spock meant it as a compliment.

“I was just thinking maybe I’d do a project on you one day. I mean, on Vulcans in general if it ever comes up in school.” He shrugged, slightly red in the face.

“Are you too warm out here? Would you like to go inside until the sun goes down?” Spock asked.

“No, I’m okay.” Jim assured him. “Let’s play something. Go get your sister, she can be the baby.”

“Mother does say that the fresh air is good for her.”

Spock went inside and came back carrying Sanara. He set her down in the grass and handed her the stuffed sehlat she liked so much. She would be more compliant with their games if she had that to distract her.

“Hi, baby!” Jim leaned down towards her and cooed.

“Not baby.” She squeaked.

“Sure you are!” He laughed and picked her up. “Wanna ride the horsey?”

“ _Kenel_?”

“Horse?” Spock translated for her with his own confusion mixed in. “They are extinct here.”

“Not this horse!”

Jim crouched down and put her on his back. He crawled around on his hands and knees with her on his back. She laughed and held onto his shoulders.

Jim went slowly around the garden with Spock following behind, and after a somewhat sharp turn, Sanara slipped from his back and fell onto the ground.

“Ah! Are you okay?” Jim leaned over her. She sat up. “She’s not crying.”

“She hardly ever cries. Vulcan children are quite logical.” Spock explained.

“Let’s play something else.” Jim said. “Oh, I know. She can look for us. We’ll go easy on her.”

Spock carefully explained hide and seek to Sanara. She looked at him the whole time, but Spock was not sure if she understood. He picked her up and placed her in a corner of the fence.

“Stay here and count to ten.” He told her. “And close your eyes.”

“ _Wuh...dah…reh…keh_ …” She covered her eyes with her tiny hands and counted.

Jim grabbed Spock by the sleeve and they went to hide. They crouched down behind a stone pot and waited. They watched Sanara get up and toddle around.

“Maybe we hid too far away.” Jim whispered.

“No. She will be able to find us.” Spock was sure. “She will be able to smell you. Female Vulcans have a very powerful sense of smell.”

Sure enough, Sanara toddled over and poked her head into their hiding spot. She reached out and touched Jim’s shoulder.

“Tag.” She said.

“Oh, you got us!” Jim laughed.

“Again.”

“Okay, you wanna hide this time?” Jim asked.

“No. Seek.” She covered her eyes and began blindly toddling back to the corner of the yard. “ _Wah…dah…reh_.”

There were not many placed to hide out here, but Sanara did not seem to mind that they just cycled around the same few places. She kept finding them within moments and tagging their shoulders.

She was counting again, when Spock surveyed the yard for another place to hide. Suddenly, Jim nudged him in the shoulder and nodded towards the tool shed on the other side of the yard.

“In there.” He whispered.

“Affirmative.” Spock nodded and they ran over and got inside, pulling the door shut behind them.

The only light came from a small window on one side. Spock had to be careful not to trip over a large bag of fertilizer. Jim tried to make more room, but almost knocked over a row of tools on the back wall. He steadied the rake to keep it from falling, and then they waited.

“What’s taking so long?” Jim asked.

“Perhaps she has not finished counting.” Spock said.

A few more moments went by. Spock tried to stand on his tiptoes and look out the window, but he was still too short. Jim tried to use his superior height, but actually did knock over the tools when he tried to move. The rattling of metal on metal was quite loud, and Spock had to cover his ears.

“Sorry.” Jim whispered. “You okay?”

“Yes.” Spock moved a bucket under the window and stood on it. “Hm.”

“What’s she doing?” Jim asked.

“She is just sitting there.” Spock sighed. “Playing with her toy.”

“Did she forget about us?”

“Perhaps she got bored.”

“Well, Jesus Christ, let’s get the hell out of here, then. It’s hot as Vulcan in here.” Jim walked over to the shed door and reached for the handle. “Uh oh.”

“Uh oh?” Spock looked over. “What?”

“Uh. I think it’s locked.” Jim pulled the handle again.

“Locked? What do you mean locked?”

“Locked, as in not opening.” Jim rattle the handle loudly.

“Let me try.” Spock got off the bucket and went to the door. He tried the handle. “Uh oh. It is locked.”

“Yeah, I already said that, genius.” Jim wiped his forehead where sweat was collecting. “Can’t you use your strength to open it?”

“I only have superior strength in Earth’s gravity.” Spock knocked his shoulder into the door. “On Vulcan I am…painfully average.”

“Well, fuck.” Jim sighed. He stepped onto the bucket and looked out the window. “I guess we can try and get Sanara’s attention. Either that or wait until one of your parents comes outside.”

“Uh oh.” Spock felt a sense of dread.

“What?” Jim looked at him.

“Nothing.” Spock felt his face grow hot.

“No, really, what?”

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Spock sighed.

“Jesus Christ, don’t say that!” Jim groaned. “Now, I’m gonna have to go!”

“It is alright.” Spock said. “Romar usually comes out here with laundry. He will find us…wait. No. It is Sunday. He will not work today.”

“Okay, move. I’m gonna break the door down.” Jim backed against the far wall.

Spock did not know how Jim could possibly get a good enough running start when the shed was only about ten feet. Still, he pressed himself against the wall and waited.

Jim ran towards the door and slammed his shoulder into it. The door rattled but did not open. Jim held his shoulder and slid to the floor.

“Ow, fuck.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” He winced, still rubbing his shoulder. “Come on, do it with me, I think I budged it some.”

Spock stood against the back wall with Jim and on the count of three they ran to the door. They thudded against it, and the walls rattled.

“This isn’t working.” Jim said. “Do you wanna just pee in the bucket? I promise I won’t look.”

“No, that is disgusting.” Spock was appalled.

“Man, if only I had my phone or something, we could text your parents and tell them we’re trapped.”

Spock was back standing on the bucket, rapping his knuckles against the glass. Sanara was just sitting in the dirt playing. Didn’t she wonder where they were? Why wasn’t his mother looking out the window and seeing her by herself? That would make her come outside and investigate. Why wasn’t his father…

“Wait.” Spock looked over. “I have an idea. Perhaps there is a way to get in contact with someone.”

“Smash the window with a shovel?” Jim asked.

“We will save that for if this does not work.” Spock got down. “I am going to attempt to contact my father using our telepathic bond.”

“Will that work?” Jim’s eyes widened.

“I do not know.” Spock said truthfully. He was much older, and he had not sensed his father in his mind in a while, but perhaps there were still traces of the parent and child bond left. “But it is worth a shot.”

Spock moved another bag of fertilizer and attempted to clear a space before sitting down facing a corner. It was slightly dusty in here and Spock saw a cobweb in the ceiling, but he had to ignore all outer distractions.

“I need absolute silence.” Spock whispered. He crossed his legs and placed his hands on his knees before closing his eyes.

In the expanse of his mind, he knew to reach for his mental links, he needed to enter a certain mental state. He had to acknowledge his physical self before he could leave his self.

He focused on the metal floor beneath him, the stifling heat, his need for the bathroom and for water. He then tried to go inwards, until he could feel none of that. It was difficult.

His mental place was dull and grey, but Spock did not stop to wonder what that meant. He searched for something, until he felt it. A faint link was small and untouched. He focused on the way it stretched out indefinitely.

 _“This is Spock.”_ He said clearly in his mind. _“I am reaching out to you.”_

_“This is Spock. I am reaching out to you.”_

_“This is Spock. I am reaching out to you.”_

_“This is Spock. I am reaching out to you.”_

_“This is Spock. I am reaching out to you.”_

“Any luck?” Jim asked. “I can hear you whispering over there.”

“Not y—“ Spock opened his eyes. “Wait, what? You heard me whispering?”

“Well, yeah.” Jim said. “I mean, you’re right over there. Of course I can hear you.”

Spock stared at him. He had not been whispering. Not even a little. He’d been speaking in his mind towards a link he thought was his father. But perhaps there was another link he had not even known existed.

The shed door opened, flooding the tiny space with more light. Amanda stood in the doorway, holding Sanara on her hip.

“What are you two doing in here?”

“We’re free!” Jim jumped up.

“We…were waiting for Sanara to come find us.” Spock’s heart was still pounding.

“I should have told you guys not to play in here. The door always gets stuck, so I use that bucket to hold it open when I need gardening tools.”

“That’s better than what Spock was going to use it for.” Jim chuckled.

Spock dashed past his mother and across the yard into the house. As he shut the door to bathroom, he was still wondering how Jim could have heard Spock speaking in his mind.

Parental links were the only ones Spock could have, and those seemed to be gone. He was an unbondable hybrid. There was no way he could have any other links.

But he remembered the way he melded with Jim that first summer and promised to only love him forever. Had those humans vows somehow been the key to creating a bond in his mind, something a Vulcan elder couldn’t even do?

Spock wanted to talk to Jim about what happened, but he could not find the time to be alone with him. Spock had to help set the table for dinner, and afterwards he had to start to get ready for school the next morning.

It was strange to have school and know Jim would be staying here in his house all day while he was gone. His mother would be here too, and it wasn’t as if Spock feared Jim touching his things, but still.

Spock cleaned out his school bag, and rearranged his textbooks. Jim sat on Spock’s bed and watched him, somewhat smug about being able to sleep in tomorrow.

Spock went to take a bath and felt slightly dejected when Jim did not ask to share the bath with him. Surely after being under the warm sun and surrounded by sand and dust, he needed a bath more than Spock did?

“Do you want to take a bath with me?” Spock decided to just ask.

“Uh, no. I’m good for now, thanks.” Jim was sitting on the Starfleet issue sleeping bag Winona had sent with him, and was flipping through one of his own textbooks he’d brought. Apparently he had some schooling to keep up with.

“Alright.”

Were they too old to bathe together now? Spock did notice that the tub was only made for one fully-grown person, so two almost-grown people would still be a tight fit. If only the bathtub were bigger.

As he soaked in the special Vulcan _svai_ scented soap, he thought again about how Jim had momentarily been able to hear Spock’s voice in his head. Did they truly mean they were bonded in more than just words shared one summer?

Spock closed his eyes and tried once more to find that link in his mind. His headspace was nice and warm now and he chanted in his head.

“ _Jim…Jim…Jim…”_

After a while, he opened his eyes and sat up, listening. He could not hear anything. He finished washing and got out. He dried off and went into his room. Jim had abandoned his schoolwork and was now playing some sort of hand-held video game he’d brought.

“Did you hear anything…strange?”

“Huh? When?” Jim glanced up.

“While I was in the bath.”

“No. Why?” He glanced back down at his game.

“No reason.” Spock wondered if perhaps he’d been reaching out wrong. Still, there was no way to ask anyone about it without having to explain why.

Jim went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and while he was in there, Spock heard the taps in the bath turn on. When he came back, Spock saw that he had apparently decided to wash off after all. Perhaps he realized Vulcan made humans sweatier and dustier than Earth ever could.

“Are you too hot?” Spock asked when he came back and sat in his sleeping bag. “I have a fan I can get.”

“Nah. I’m actually not as hot as I thought I’d be.”

“It is the hyposprays the doctor gave you.” Spock got under the covers. “They keep your core temperature regulated. My mother had to take them every day until her body adjusted, and that took years.”

“Years?” Jim looked up. “Well, it’s not so bad. They hurt at first, but I’d rather have them than get here and die.”

“Vulcan’s heat cannot kill a human unless that human already has pre-existing medical problems.” Spock turned off the light.

Spock looked down at Jim and waited. Wasn’t he going to ask to share the bed with him? They always shared the bed, no matter what. Even when Spock’s parent s had come with him to Earth last summer so Sanara could see the ocean. Spock and Jim had been in separate hotel rooms, but they still fell asleep together on the bed when they put Sanara down for a nap.

Jim turned over and looked up at Spock. The only light was coming from the lights of the other dwellings outside. The skyline lights were out farther, but past that was darkness. Starlight was not nearly as bright here.

“Uh. Is it okay if I lay with you for just a sec?” Jim asked.

“Certainly.” Spock moved over to make room and Jim got in beside him. “I did not think you wanted to share beds anymore, since you did not want to share a bath with me.”

“That’s different.” Jim said.

“Oh, you mean because my bed is bigger than the bathtub.” Spock briefly considered taking Jim to one of the bathhouses in the city. The tubs there were very large, almost like a shallow pool.

“No.” Jim scoffed. “You know…because in the bath…you’re naked.”

“So?”

“ _So?_ So, you don’t care about being naked? I mean, you’d just walk down the street naked?”

“Clothes protect your skin from weather, as well as serve other purposes depending on the culture and location. Of course you should not walk down the street naked.”

“You really don’t get what I’m saying?”

“We have seen each other naked before. I do not understand why this is suddenly an issue.”

“That was when we were little kids. It’s just not something humans do when you grow up, okay?” He pulled the blanket up over his head. “Don’t ask me about it anymore, okay?”

“Alright.” Spock considered going under the blanket as well, but he did not know if Jim was truly annoyed with him or not.

He laid back and closed his eyes. He needed to sleep in order to get up for school in the morning.  He was just drifting off to sleep when he felt Jim reach for his hand. He gave Spock’s hand a gentle squeeze and held on. Spock was very glad that not everything was changing as they aged.

The next morning, Spock woke up at nearly five. His alarm had not gone off yet, but Spock needed to meditate. He carefully reached over Jim and turned off his alarm before it could go off. He then carefully climbed over Jim before covering him back with the blanket.

He got his incense pot and lit his favorite scent before sitting cross-legged on the floor. After silently focusing for a moment, he attempted once more to reach out to Jim.

“ _Jim.”_

_“Jim._

_“Jim.”_

_“Jim.”_

Spock opened his eyes a fraction and looked over at the bed. Jim groaned and mumbled something in his sleep before rolling over. Inconclusive. He’d have to do more tests to see.

The sun was rising as Spock got dressed in his school robes and got his bag. He went downstairs and ate his breakfast. He finally went back upstairs and decided to wake Jim up.

“Jim…I am going to school now.” Spock gently shook him.

“Hm…you’re leaving?” Jim sat up and yawned.

“Yes. You will stay here with my mother and sister. I had to wake you before I left so I could quickly give you a few rules about staying here.”

“Rules?” He chuckled. “Like what?”

“Simple.” Spock pointed to his lute up on the shelf. “This is very important. Do not touch it.”

“I wasn’t gonna.” Jim grumbled. Spock ignored him and pointed to his microscope on his desk.

“This is very expensive. Do not touch it.” He pointed to his video screen. “This is okay to touch. You can watch anything you want.”

“You don’t have anything non-educational, do you?” He asked.

“Not at the moment, but some of the educational movies are animated.” Spock thought Jim would like that.

“Cartoons are for babies, Spock.” He said.

“Oh. Well, if that is the way you feel, then I will not download any for us to watch this afternoon, even if I did want to watch the ones with you about the talking rabbit.”

“You did? Well, I guess I’ll watch them with you if you really want.” He said. “I mean, we can watch a bunch of baby shows if you wanted to, like, show them to your sister. That’d be okay.”

“Alright.” Spock nodded, though he had a feeling that Sanara would not really like cartoons as much as Jim did. “Well, I must go now.”

“See ya’ later.” Jim laid back in the bed and closed his eyes.

“Goodbye.”

At school, Spock arrived outside his classroom and saw that as usual, everyone was waiting outside. They all seemed to be discussing their projects, eager to find out who would be presenting on what day this week. Savensu Sonak arrived and unlocked the door. Spock took his seat up front and T’Pring sat beside him.

“As you all know, your projects are due this week. Your written portion must be turned in on the day you present to the class. As your classmates present, you must all take notes and raise your hands to ask questions. Give your classmates the utmost respect, as if they were your instructor.”

He tapped the screen at the front of the room with a stylus, and the class roster appeared. Spock knew everyone’s grades were always displayed publicly, so like always, they all scanned the board to see where they fell in.

Spock was second in class. He was surprised to see that. T’Pring was directly ahead of him by only three points. Stonn was third, with Sek behind him at fourth. Spock stopped looking and began to wonder if their grade order was the order in which they presented.

“The computer will now shuffle you randomly, and that will decide your order. You cannot swap with another student or delay your presentation. Failure to show up on time on the day you are to present will result in failure for the project.”

Spock’s nails dug into his palms as he waited. He had not been this stressed at school since exams in the skill dome. He thought of Jim, who liked sleeping in. Could he really wake up early in time for Spock’s presentation.

A chime sounded when the computer was done. Their names were now randomly in an order. Spock scanned the list for his name.

“I am last.” T’Pring whispered to herself.

“I am…second-to-last.” Spock realized, his heart sinking. He would have to wait until Friday to present. Now he wished it went by grades.

“We will begin with the first presentation at seven tomorrow morning. For now, you should all use this time to finish any work you may have for other classes.”

“You have not yet told me what your project is on.” Spock took out his astronomy book and looked at T’Pring. He figured he could ask, since he told her his.

“The history of warp capabilities.” She said. “I was only delaying finalizing my topic until I was sure I would be able to finish my visual aid.”

“What is it?”

“I…would rather keep it a secret.” She said shyly.

“Mine is also a secret.” He respected that.

At lunch break, Spock took out his PADD and sat down to eat the salad his mother made for him.

  * **Your mom let me help her make us lunch. She said she made you salad to take to school. Why do you like salad so much!?**
  * _It is good._
  * _How are you faring at home alone?_
  * **Not bad. Just playing my video games and reading your books. Some are pretty interesting.**
  * **How’s school going?**
  * **LOL! Your mom just asked if I was talking to you. She says get off your PADD and pay attention to class.**
  * _School is going well. I am on lunch break, so I am allowed to talk to you._



Spock wondered how Jim would fare the rest of the week at home until his presentation. He decided to not tell Jim until that afternoon. He read incoming messages as Jim told him about which books he was reading, and what monsters her captured in his video game.

That afternoon was one of Spock’s physical health classes. It was usual fitness equipment in a large padded room. Spock changed into the uniform workout clothes and went to do his stretches. They all worked at their own pace here, with the instructor just patrolling to make sure no one hurt themselves.

Spock saw a few students on mats meditating, and while Spock was never good at reaching a peaceful and logical headspace if he meditated right after eating, he still wanted to try and strengthen his link with Jim.

He sat down and closed his eyes. Still unsure how he could properly reach out to Jim, Spock just tried to focus on Jim’s face and voice in his mind. Though nothing seemed to happen, he left the class feeling much lighter and inwardly happy.

After school, Jim and Amanda picked him up. Sanara was in her car seat, and Spock wondered if it had been an ordeal to buckle her up just to go a little ways down the street.

“Hi!” Jim smiled when Spock got in the car. “How was school.”

“Educational.” Spock said.

“Do you know when your presentation date is?” Amanda asked.

“Yes. Friday.” Spock said.

“Aw, all the way then? Whatever, at least we got time to practice.” Jim said.

Spock was pleased Jim was not disappointed. As Jim leaned over and began talking sweetly to Sanara, Spock remembered what he’d written in his report about humans being excellent caretakers for children. He was barely able to suppress his smile.

Every day after school, Jim was growing increasingly more annoyed that Spock did not have time to play in between homework and preparations for his presentation. He was also trying to write his summaries on the other student’s presentations

“You’re _still_ working?” Jim asked as he opened Spock’s door to see Spock sitting at his desk.

“I thought you were downstairs with Sanara?” Spock asked, not looking up from the summary on the less-than-exciting piece of relic from the ancient ruins that Sek had brought to class.

“She can’t play chess, though.” Jim rolled his eyes and leaned over Spock’s desk. “And she’s cute, but she can’t talk much either. Well, she says a lot of Vulcan words, but I don’t really know what they mean. She keeps saying _sa-kai_.”

Spock looked up. She was saying brother. Either she was asking for Spock, or that’s what she’d somehow decided to call Jim. Jim was frowning, resting his chin in his hand and looking down at Spock’s work.

“I…did not mean to neglect you.” Spock said, closing his notebook. Getting to see Jim was always Spock’s favorite days of the year, and the fact that Spock had been busy with school meant that the days were slipping by without Spock realizing.

“It’s not a big deal.” Jim shrugged, though he wasn’t smiling. “We don’t have to play or anything, I just had an idea of something you might wanna do?”

“What?” Spock placed his hands in his lap, giving Jim all his attention.

“Well, I’m pretty chill when I have to talk in front of my class, but it still helps when I practice beforehand. I don’t even really know what you’re gonna say, or if I should just stand there. So, maybe we can practice on your parents first?”

“A logical idea.” Spock hadn’t considered it, but practicing for his parents would help him realize any flaws in his research.

He pulled up his notes on his PADD and he and Jim went downstairs. After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to be his audience. They sat on the couch, with Sanara on Amanda’s lap.

“Good evening, students.” Spock stood with his slides displaying on the video screen. “My project is on the dominant species of Earth: the Human. Behold,” He gestured to Jim. “A human male, age eleven.”

“Ooh.” Amanda said.

“Humans have developed on their homeworld over millions of years from single cells, like Vulcans, humans have two eyes, ears, arms and legs, though their biology also differs in many ways.”

Jim just stood there, rocking back and forth on his heels. Spock opened the first slide, which displayed a photo still from Vulcan’s first contact with humans.

“Humans were first warp capable with their ship, _The Phoenix._ Sensing this, Vulcans moved to contact them logically.”

Spock went on to explain human’s history within the federation, and different biological aspects of humans.

“Humans let emotion control their actions, simply because their emotional reactions happen first.” Spock read from his notes. “If they stopped to think logically, then they would –“

“Hey.” Jim nudged him. Spock looked up. “Can I say something?”

“Not yet.” Spock whispered back.

“What? Why not?”

“Because I need to finish this part.” Spock explained. “Now –“

“What, your part about humans being stupid?” Jim crossed his arms. “You’re not gonna let me say anything?”

“I did not say you were stupid. I said you acted illogically sometimes. Now –“

“So, that’s it, then?” Jim asked. “I just stand here while you talk? You said you wanted to each about humans, but you won’t let one speak?”

“You do not know what I am talking about.” Spock tried to reason.

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s about humans! I know everything you’re gonna say. But you think I’m too stupid to keep up with your research?”

“No.” Spock tried to stay calm. “It is just I have carefully outlined this, and there is just no room for you to speak.”

“So, stand here and be quiet, huh?” Jim growled. “You don’t really care about humans at all, do you? This is just about your grade!”

“That is not true!” Spock was begin to understand the concept of hurt feelings. Retaliation was an emotional instinct, an instinct he could not help but follow. “Jim, you are behaving… _Nirak.”_

His parents gasped. Spock realized what he said much too late. Jim did not know Vulcan, but seemed to understand his implication from tone perfectly. For just a split second, he looked so hurt. His pain turned to anger.

“I’m not helping you anymore!” He turned and  ran upstairs.

“Jim…” Spock was still stunned by his own words, only able to stand and watch as Jim ran upstairs and slammed Spock’s bedroom door.

He looked at his parents. Sarek was unreadable, but Amanda scowled at him. He had a feeling that her disappointment had nothing to do with his use of a Vulcan swear word.

“Spock, that was very wrong of you.” Sarek picked up Sanara and stood up. “You know better than to let your emotions get out of hand like that. Vulcans are above using such language.”

“Never mind what he said.” Amanda stood up. “Yes, you should never use words like that, but that isn’t the point. You should have let Jim speak in your presentation.”

“You agree with him?” Spock knew she was human too, but wasn’t she supposed to support her son? He looked at Sarek, but it seemed he was not going to support Spock either.

“Yes. You say you want to improve the way Vulcans see humans, yet you won’t let a human speak. That’s why Vulcans think so strangely of us. They never even try to get to know us. _That’s_ what I call illogical.”

“Mother…” Spock wanted to explain himself further, but he was coming up with nothing.

“When Solkar first contacted The Phoenix’s pilot, Dr. Cochrane, don’t you remember what he did?”

“He…shook his hand.” Spock did not have to look at his slides to know that.

“Did you ever think about why?” She asked.

“Because Dr. Cochrane offered it.” Spock said.

“And Solkar took it, even though it was un-Vulcan. He was showing he respected Dr. Cochrane by doing what humans do. He was respecting humanity.” She looked down at him. “I am surprised you don’t want to do the same.”

“Logical.” He muttered with a sigh. He looked at Sarek. “Do you think she is right.”

“Always.” He nodded.

“Of course.”

Spock slowly walked upstairs and opened his bedroom door a crack. Jim looked over and immediately turned away from him, his arms crossed and his back to Spock.

“I’m not talking to you.” He said. “I’m mad at you.”

“I understand. I should not have behaved that way.” Spock approached him, but Jim did not turn around.

“You called me stupid.” Jim grumbled.

“No, I said you were behaving foolishly, but it was truly me who was behaving… _Nirak._ ” Spock felt his face grow warmer. “You were right. You deserve to have input. I will let you speak to my class.”

“You will?” Jim turned around.

“Yes. I have to do the actual presentation, but I will make sure you get to answer questions at the end. I will also let you hear my whole presentation, and we can take out anything you deem offensive to humans. It was never my intention to hurt you.” He looked at Jim. “I am sorry.”

“Aw…well…” Jim stared down at his feet. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t really mean it.”

He glanced up at Spock, his face tinged pink. Spock’s room suddenly felt tinier with just the two of them like this. Jim chuckled and then held out his hand. It reminded Spock of the videos and photos he’d seen during his research of Humans and Vulcans first meeting.

Spock shook Jim’s hand and blushed. Jim grinned.

“Alright then, let’s get back to work.”

 

 

“Do I have to wear one of those too?” Jim asked on Friday morning as Spock put on his school uniform robe. He was still yawning from having to be up so early.

“No. Dress like you normally would. You will appear most human that way.” Spock told him before looking back at the mirror on his dresser where he was carefully combing his hair. He needed to look his best.

“Okay.” Jim put on jeans and t-shirt with a picture of a green alien on it.

Spock opened his mouth to tell Jim that that shirt was too offensive to aliens, before deciding against it. He did not want Jim to get upset again, and true Vulcans would likely not get offended over something so trivial.

“Spock?” Amanda knocked on the bedroom door.

“Come in.” Spock said.

“Man, you’re lucky your mom actually knocks on your door.” Jim muttered as Amanda came in carrying a small box Spock recognized from the vanity in her room.

“Need something to look extra special today?” She asked.

“Makeup?” Spock watched her open the tiny mirrored box.

“Makeup!?” Jim looked in the box. “Hey, you can look really punk rock with this stuff!”

“I was thinking we’d go for a more subtle approach.” Amanda laughed. “I’ve been doing your father’s makeup for his meetings for years now. I know how to do a Vulcan’s colors, and bring out their eyes. Human’s too.” She looked at Jim.

And so, they all sat on the floor as Amanda put makeup on the two children. Spock had seen his mother do it dozens of times, but he never realized the precision involved until now.

“Keep your eyes closed.” She said and he felt her trace over his eyelashes and eyebrows with a dark pencil. “Now, this color is perfect for you.”

She rubbed something on his cheeks like powder. It made him feel the urge to sneeze, but he didn’t want to mess any of it up.

He kept his eyes closed as she finished Jim’s, as per her orders. He wondered if he looked drastically different. What if he looked bad? Perhaps he’d just wash it off at school before class.

“Okay, done.” She said. “You guys can look now.”

Spock opened his eyes and looked over at Jim. He hoped his gasp was not too audible. Jim’s skin seemed extra pink, and there was a subtle color on his eyelids.

“Wow, you look awesome!” Jim said with a grin.

Spock looked into the tiny mirror on the lid of the makeup box. He did indeed look different. His cheeks were tinged green, and his eyelids had the same color as Jim’s did.

“Like it?” Amanda asked eagerly.

“Very much so.” Spock nodded.

On the ride to school, Spock sat very still so nothing would mess up his makeup or hair. Jim wasn’t worried about that, and kept leaning over Spock to look out the window.

“Woah, is that your school?” He pointed.

“Yes. The Vulcan Learning Institute.” Spock nodded. It was a tall building that matched the city’s pointy architecture. It looked old like the planet on the outside, but the inside contained some of the most high-tech computer systems in all of Vulcan. They took education very seriously.

“Romar will pick you up at three. “ Amanda called to them through the window as they got out. “Can’t wait to hear how it went!”

“Now, the first thing we need to do is get your visitor’s pass.” Spock said, leading him inside.

“What do I need a pass for?” Jim asked as they walked into the lobby. His eyes went to a case on one wall displaying all of the intergalactic awards won by the students.

“Savensu Sonak said I could bring anything as long as it followed policy. Policy states anyone not enrolled needs a pass. Sit.” Spock pointed to a dark wood bench outside the administrator’s office. Jim sat

Spock went in and came back a few moments later with the proper pass. He put it around Jim’s neck, so the laminated card mostly covered the alien on his shirt.

“What next?” Jim cupped his chin in his hands and looked up at him. The eyeshadow Amanda had put on him, his eye color seemed even more vibrant. It took Spock a moment to remember.

“Come on. I want to be able to keep you a secret up until I present. I do not see how that is possible, now.” Spock stopped just before a turn in the hall. Jim nearly bumped into him.

“What is it?” Jim asked, peering around the corner.

“The classrooms for my course level are down this hall.” Spock explained. “The students are waiting outside the rooms. They will see you.”

“Why don’t we wait until they go in?” Jim suggested.

“Then I will technically be tardy and fail.” Spock was appalled at the idea.

“What time does your teacher unlock the door?”

“Approximately five minutes until seven.” Spock checked the chronometer on his wrist. “We have one minute.”

He looked back the way they’d come, but he did not seen Savensu Sonak yet. His instructor’s office would be the perfect place to hide Jim until the presentation, but he could not even get him there if the door was locked and everyone was standing around waiting. Curse his classmates’ aptitude for punctuality.

“We need a distraction.” Jim said. “Got something I can throw?”

“No.” Spock did like the idea of a distraction, though. He thought for a moment, before lifting his head and peering around the corner once more. He scanned his classmates until he saw her. He could not shout too loudly. “T’Pring!”

She looked over, knitting her brows together in confusion. Spock beckoned for her to come over. She looked back at T’Pell and said something before walking over to Spock.

“What is it? What are you doing?” She asked as she came over. When she rounded the corner and saw Spock wasn’t alone, her eyebrows went up. “A human?”

“Yes. He is part of my presentation. I want to get him into Savensu’s office until it is time, but I do not want anyone to see him yet. Can you distract our class?” He half expected her to refuse, but her eyes seemed to light up.

“I have the perfect distraction. They were all quite eager to see what _I_ brought for my presentation. Perhaps I will let them see it after all.” She went back over to the group and announced something. She opened her bag and showed them all something in it. They were all craning their necks to see what it was, that no one noticed Spock take Jim’s hand and dart towards the classroom door.

They arrived just as Savensu did. He walked over to the keypad on the door, but his eyes went to Spock, and then Jim.

“Good morning Savensu.” Spock tried to sound ordinary. “May I please hide my human in your office until I show him to the class?”

“I better not be sitting in there forever.” Jim crossed his arms.

“Shh.” Spock snapped.

“…Certainly.” Savensu Sonak opened the classroom door and Spock pulled Jim inside. He went to the office door and tried to seem patient as Savensu unlocked it.

“You sit in here and do not touch anything.” Spock said before closing the door just as Jim stuck his tongue out at him. It was very difficult for Spock to suppress the embarrassment from Savensu having seen that.

“You managed to acquire a human.” Savensu Sonak said, sounding slightly impressed. “A relative?”

“A friend.” Spock replied.

The class filed in, and Spock took his spot at the front and took his PADD out of his bag to load his slides onto the screen.

“T’Pring, that was quite fascinating.” T’Pell said. “I am quite eager to see your presentation today.”

“I am also eager to give it.” She nodded. “But Spock goes before me, and I am sure his will be just as fascinating.”

When everyone was seated, Spock knew that was his cue to start his presentation. He’d watched all of the previous presentations, but it was different to be the one giving it. Dozens of dark eyes watched him, their faces impassive.

Spock tapped the screen of his PADD, and the screen at the front of the room responded simultaneously.

“Good morning, students.” Spock said clearly. “Today, I am going to talk to you about humans.”

He searched their faces for anything. A few looked intrigued.

“As you may know, I am half-human.” Spock glanced around when he thought he heard a snicker, but it was just Sek clearing his throat. Beside him, Stonn was watching with thinly veiled hatred.

“How many of you have ever seen a human in person?” Spock asked. To his surprise, most of the classes raised their hands. He wondered if they were counting seeing him with his mother at the shops sometimes.

“How many of you have seen a human of our age group?” This time, no one raised their hands. “For my visual aid, I have brought someone that I hope you will find fascinating.

Spock crossed the room to the office door and opened it. Jim was sitting at Savensu’s desk.

“My cue?” He asked in a whisper, and Spock nodded.

Jim followed Spock back to the front of the room, and there were instant murmur’s and whispers. Students in the back rose from their seats to get a better look.

“Light hair.” Spock heard someone whisper across the aisle to someone else.

“Look at his ears!” Someone said loudly.

Jim seemed to enjoy the spark his arrival had created. He stood beside Spock and grinned, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“This,” Spock gestured to Jim. “Is a human male, age eleven.”

“Hello.” Jim waved, before deciding to be culturally appropriate and switching to the ta’al.

“His name is Jim Kirk.” Spock said. “He is from Iowa.”

“Go Cubs!” Jim cheered.

No one seemed to understand what he meant. They all stared silently. Spock was not phased. You were not really supposed to talk during someone else’s presentation anyways, unless prompted by the speaker.

“As you can see, Jim has many traits that are actually recessive to humans, such as light hair and blue eyes.” Spock tapped his PADD, and the screen up front showed different charts displaying human physical features.

“Humans are excellent technicians and scientists. They also display high amounts of compassion, optimism, and imagination. Vulcans also display these traits in other forms. For instance; when a Vulcan is feeling compassion for another person’s pain, they may try and fix it by suggesting remedies. Humans do this as well, but their greatest compassionate instinct is sympathy. This tells the other person that their pain is not just acknowledged, but understood.”

Spock silently thanked his mother for keeping several of her phycology textbooks around, many of which Spock consulted for his project.

Spock went onto explain different aspects of human biology, before switching to the history of technological advances made by humans. He ended with a slide on First Contact, his slide showing the iconic moment that Solkar shook hands with Dr. Cochrane.

Despite the fact that everyone had likely seen the photo and heard the story dozens of times, there was still the sense of unease that always came with seeing adults touching hands like that.

“By shaking Dr. Cochrane’s hand, Solkar was showing respect for humans and their culture. From that moment, his opinion of their abilities never wavered. Every ambassador from Vulcan to Earth sense him, My father included, has always strived to make sure our relationship with this fascinating species is always growing stronger. That is why I believe we should all hold out our hands –metaphorically speaking –to humans, as they logically have earned our respect. Thank you.”

Spock knew it was not customary to clap, so he did not read the room’s silence as a bad thing. He glanced up and scanned the faces of his classmates. The majority of them looked very intrigued. Only Stonn seemed disgusted, but Spock was fairly certain that at this point, Stonn was just always going to look that way.

Spock looked at T’Pring. She seemed quite impressed. He looked over at Savensu Sonak. He was unreadable, but Spock tried not to focus on that. His instructor could not fail him unless his project was done incorrectly. Whether he liked the subject matter was irrelevant.

“Who has a question for Jim?” Spock asked. To his surprise, most everyone’s hand went up. Spock nodded at Jim, letting him know he was free to do choose who he wanted.

“Yeah? Girl in the front?” Jim nodded at T’Pring.

“Is it true that humans often eat meat?” She asked.

“Well, some humans are vegetarians for different reasons.” Jim said. “Some just don’t like meat. I do, though.”

“You have eaten cow?” Someone asked.

“Yes.”

“Birds?”

“Yes.”

“Dogs?”

“Ew, no!” Jim gasped and laughed. “Eating pet animals is weird.”

“But both cows and chickens are domesticated.” Someone pointed out.

“Okay, whatever.  Next question.” Jim searched the sea of hands before pointing at someone.

“What Earth food do you prefer?” Someone asked.

“Pizza is the best!” Jim said.

“What is pizza?” They asked.

“I believe it is Italian.” Someone answered

“Wrong. Pizza was invented in America.” Someone else said.

“Pizza is just flat bread with tomato sauce on it.” Spock told them. “It is very good.”

“Oh.”

Jim answered many questions about his subjects at school and how he found himself faring during his stay on Vulcan.

“It’s not that hot, cuz I took that medicine before I got here.” Jim said. “It’s really rocky and sandy, though. And red. Needs more color.”

“Is it true humans are extremely weak?” Stonn asked without raising his hand. There was no honest curiosity in his voice like there had been with the others.

“Uh, no.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Then how many pull-ups could you do?” Stonn’s eyes narrowed.

“Well, Vulcan’s gravity is stronger than Earth’s, so not as many as usual. I just _seem_ weaker.”

Spock was impressed by Jim’s ability to give a logical answer. He did not even have to jump in and defend Jim.

“Is it true humans are stupid?” Stonn once again asked without raising his hands.

“No.” Jim grinned. “But humans do have secret magic powers.”

There was a sudden outburst of whispers and chatter. Sonak raised an eyebrow and looked at Spock, but Spock did not know what Jim was going for.

“That is not true.” Stonn narrowed his eyes.

“Sure it is.” Jim approached Stonn’s desk, and Spock felt his heart start racing. What was Jim doing? “Hm…what’s that behind your ear?”

“What…?”

Oh. Spock suppressed a smile as Stonn began to reach back, his anger slowly shrouding in confusion. Jim reached behind Stonn’s ear and pulled back, holding a coin up.

“Ta-da.” Jim grinned.

“How did you do that?” Stonn demanded.

“Magic.” Jim shrugged.

Now the class erupted into louder whispers. Spock wondered if any of them believed Jim, or if they were all just working towards the real answer among themselves.

“Spock,” Savensu Sonak looked at him. “The time.”

Spock checked his wrist chronometer, and saw that they only had a minute or two left for Spock to wrap up his presentation.

“One more question?” T’Pring raised her hand.

“Are you going to ask about the magic trick?” Jim asked smugly.

“No.” She lowered her hand. “I was going to ask if it is true that humans are free to choose their  own bond-mates, rather than being forced into a betrothal as children?”

At the question, everyone went silent and looked from T’Pring to Jim for the answer. It seemed Stonn was still angry at Jim’s trick, but T’Pring’s use of the word forced seemed to send him over the edge. He growled audibly.

“Yep.” Jim nodded. “For humans, the main thing about marriage is love, so you choose who you want to love and spend your life with. I couldn’t imagine being forced to be with someone I barely know.”

“So, you choose as adults?” She asked.

“Well, sometimes you can choose when you’re just a kid. Like, you just know you love someone already. I get why you’re asking, though. I mean, humans are cool and exotic, and you’ve never seen one your own age before, but I can’t marry you. I’m already taken.”

“Betrothed at your age?” Her eyebrows went up.

“Sure. I chose Spock!”

Spock felt every eye in the room go to him. His face flushed, and he was able to hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He looked at Jim, and Jim just looked back at him with a smile on his face. Spock smiled too.

The chime sounded over the intercom, and Savensu Sonak turned off the screen at the front of the room.

“Alright. After intermission, it is time for the next presentation.”

Spock knew this was the time that everyone usually went to the restroom or got a drink of water before the second half of the class, but Spock could not bring himself to move his feet. Jim had just announced their intention to marry to his whole class, his rival, his teacher, and even his former intended.

“Spock?” Jim tugged at his sleeve. “I gotta pee. Where’s the bathroom?”

“This way.” Spock found his voice and feet and led Jim down the hall. While waiting for Jim outside the bathroom, T’Pring approached him.

“I find your presentation very fascinating.” She said.

“Thank you.” He nodded.

“I must ask…for clarification.” She began.

“You hide the coin in your palm.” Spock said. “That is how the trick is done. The coin is not really behind anyone’s ear.”

“Oh, I see.” She nodded. A moment passed in silence. “Are you really betrothed to that human boy?”

“Yes.” Spock could not lie. “We chose each other. We were betrothed a few summers ago.”

“Was it here? Who performed it? Did you have to drink su'aasal                beforehand?”

“No…We had a more human approach to the ceremony on Earth.” Spock had almost forgotten about the strange juice he and T’Pring had to drink from clay cups before their ceremony. Perhaps it was the strange properties of it, or the fact that they’d shared mutual looks of disgust afterwards, but his nerves over being bonded had been slightly eased.

Jim came out of the bathroom just as the chime sounded for them to go back to class. Jim grabbed his hand, and Spock was relieved that it was still damp, proving he actually washed them in the bathroom.

Jim sat in T’Pring’s usual seat beside Spock as she took the place at the front of the room. She took Savensu Sonak’s stool from the podium and brought it to the front as well. Everyone’s fascination was palpable, and Spock realized he was the only one who hadn’t gotten a glimpse of whatever it was she was going to show them.

“Good morning, class. Today I am going to talk to you about the history of warp capabilities in spaceships. It is all made possible by this.” She placed something on the stool so they could all see it. “A dilithium crystal.”

“Whoa, is that real!?” Jim asked loudly. Spock suppressed embarrassment at Jim’s outburst, but T’Pring did not seem to mind.

“Yes, it is.” She nodded. “Would you like to hold it?”

“Sure.” He bounced eagerly in his seat.

T’Pring took the crystal and carefully handed it to Jim. Jim turned the pointed yellowish stone in his hands before passing it to Spock. Spock admired it for a moment before passing it across the aisle to another eager student.

T’Pring we on to explain the fascinating history of warp capabilities in Vulcans and other species. She even had a photo in her slides of The Phoenix, Earth’s first warp capable ship.

Spock saw everyone admire the crystal greatly before passing it on. Only Stonn just glanced at it disgustedly before rudely shoving it at Sek. Spock did not want to think too highly of himself, but he was certain that everyone liked his and T’Pring’s projects much more than anyone else’s, including Stonn’s on Vulcan’s historical wars.

After her presentation was done, everyone seemed impressed, even if Jim was the only one who clapped. T’Pring caught up with them outside in the hallway.

“Applause is good, isn’t it?” She asked.

“Yes.” Spock confirmed. “It is how humans show approval or praise.”

“Fascinating.” She nodded. He wondered if she was wishing Vulcans had an equivalent. “I also wanted to tell you that your makeup looks very nice. I wish my mother would let me wear some, but she says I shouldn’t until I am at least thirteen. It seems your mother is more open-minded.”

“Yes. I suppose I am lucky that way.”

For the rest of the day, Jim attended all of Spock’s classes with him, doing some of his own schoolwork on his PADD as Spock listened to lectures and took notes. Whenever one of the instructors would eye them suspiciously, Jim would just show them his visitor’s pass.

They ate lunch together, and for once in his life, Spock was not alone at his table. It seemed everyone’s earlier fascination with Jim had not faded, as most of the class crowded around their table as they ate.

“Do humans get sufficient nutrients from Vulcan foods?” Someone asked.

“Sure.” Jim took a giant bite of salad. “Some are pretty good too.”

“Is it true human’s teeth fall out? Are you missing teeth?”

“I already lost all my baby teeth.” Jim said. “You lose them when you’re a little kid.”

“Baby teeth…” Someone whispered curiously. “So, are you born with them?”

“Ha!” Jim laughed. “You guys ask weird questions. I don’t mind, though.”

“Do you have any domesticated animals at your dwelling?”

“Yep! I live on a farm, so there’s cows and chickens and stuff.”

“Does it snow where you live? Have you ever seen snow?”

“I’ve seen snow like a million times. It’s fun to play in.”

“A million.” Someone gasped.

“He is exaggerating. Humans often use hyperbole to emphasize –“  Spock tried to explain, until he looked up and realized no one was listening. They were all just admiring Jim show off the trick with the coin again.

Spock scowled and stabbed at his salad with more force than necessary. What was this bitter feeling? Jealousy? It wasn’t that he was jealous that his class like Jim more than they ever liked him, but jealousy that Jim liked them in return. He didn’t care for this bitter feeling, but he did not know how to make it go away.

It extended into Spock’s physical education class. Spock did his usual warm-ups and stretches, but it seemed Jim did not care about warming up before he ran over to the exercise equipment.

All of the Vulcans in their class watched as Jim attempted to work out on the pull-up bar. He was able to do it, but it was very evident that the Vulcan gravity was making it difficult for him.

“Wow. He is so weak. How fascinating.” Someone said. There were murmurs of agreement.

“Yes, look he is perspiring. How human.”

“His makeup is getting ruined.”

“Wow, he is just so weak.”

“Weak.

“Very weak.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Jim snapped. He let go of the bar and dropped to the floor.  “You guys are starting to annoy me. I’m gonna go hang out with Spock.”

Spock hid his smile by taking a sip from his water. Jim sat beside him on the exercise mat and sighed. Spock could see sweat along his hairline. He gestured for Jim to follow him, and in the locker room he gave Jim a cup of water and wet a paper towel for his face.

“My makeup is all messed up.” He sighed.

“I will take mine off as well.” Spock washed his face at the sink and Jim did the same.

“We look ordinary now.”

“I still like the way you look.” Spock said. Their eyes met in the mirror.

“You know, your Vulcan friends are weird.” He smirked.

“Classmates.” Spock corrected. “They are not really my friends.”

“What about that girl?”

“T’Pring?” Spock thought for a moment. “Yes, I suppose she could classify as one.”

“That guy, though. The one who was asking me all those rude questions. He seems like a jerk. He’s the one who used to give you a hard time, right?”

“Stonn? Yes. He is a bigot.” Spock balled up the paper towels and tossed them into the recycling receptacle. “I thought it was very…funny of you to use that trick on him. It was an…interesting addition to my presentation.” Spock struggled with the words, but he hoped Jim still understood the sentiment.

“I wish I could have done more. When I was sitting in your teacher’s office, I should have hacked into the computer and given that guy a failing grade!” He laughed.

“Jim.” Spock gasped.

“I’m just kidding. I probably would never do that. Probably.”

On the way home from school, Spock told Romar and then his parents all about how his presentation went. He tried not to leave out any details, including how offensive some of his classmates’ fascination with Jim appeared.

“I just do not know what Savensu Sonak thought.” Spock picked up his PADD and refreshed the page. His grade had still not been posted.

“Don’t sweat it.” Jim placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder. “You’ll ace it! You’re definitely gonna get your report published.”

“Vulcans cannot sweat.” Spock said. “But I appreciate your faith in me.”

Jim had to leave Sunday, so Spock decided to take his mind off his grades and spent all of the remaining time doing whatever Jim wanted.

They spent Saturday playing outside with a ball. Spock taught Jim a Vulcan sport that was very similar to soccer, and Jim taught Spock the rules to American football. It was difficult to play with a round ball, as it kept slipping from their arms, and they would usually trip over it and fall on top of each other.

That evening, Jim downloaded some animated film to Spock’s video screen for them to watch. Spock then went and brought Sanara in the room with them, so that it was okay that they watched something for children.

Spock previously thought that all animation from Earth was mindless violence, but he soon found that wasn’t true. This particular film about a clown fish separated from his father was making Spock feel things, despite its scientific inaccuracies.

When Spock excused himself to go to the bathroom, he stopped outside his father’s office and looked to make sure there was light under the door. It eased his emotions just slightly to know his father was here.

When the movie was over, Spock shifted in bed and found that Sanara had fallen asleep between them. He sat up and looked over at Jim.

“Are you awake?” Spock asked.

“Yeah.” Jim answered. “What’d you think?”

“It was…sad.”

“Yeah.

“Yet, you did not cry.”

“I’ve seen it before. Besides, it takes a lot to make me cry.”

“She did not cry either.” Spock looked down at his sister. “She fell asleep. I will carry her to her room.”

Spock carried Sanara down the hall and Jim followed. They tucked her into bed and Spock made sure she had her stuffed animal.

“Nighty night, baby.” Jim kissed her head.

“Goodnight Sanara.” Spock patted her head.

Back in Spock’s room, they got under the covers together. Spock was starting to realize he always slept better with Jim, and he tried not to think about how Jim had to leave the next day.

“Hey…can I ask something?” Jim whispered.

“Yes.” Spock rolled over to face him.

“Can we…is it okay if we do that mind meld thing again?” He blushed. “It’s just that I miss you a lot when we’re apart, and we haven’t done it in a long time…”

“Yes.” Spock felt his heartrate increase. “I was not sure if you liked it or not.”

“It’s weird.” Jim nodded. “But cool. I wish there was a way for us to do it all the time.”

Spock thought of the tiny link in his mind and wondered how he could make it stronger. Perhaps Jim would feel better if Spock could let his presence known in Jim’s mind, even from far away.

They sat cross-legged across from each other on the bed. Spock reached out and placed his hands on Jim’s face. Even in the dim light, Spock could see Jim’s cheeks reddening.

“My mind to your mind…my thoughts to your thoughts.”

 

 

Spock hugged Jim extra tight on Sunday in the privacy of his bedroom. He did not want his parents to see him displaying such emotion, even if he part of him thought they wouldn’t mind.

At the station, he was stonily silent as he had to say goodbye.  He kept his eyes down on the walk back to the car, afraid that looking into anyone’s eyes would make him break. Sanara reached for his hand, but he kept his fists clenched. He couldn’t risk showing anything.

The news that Spock was betrothed to Jim would likely spread from his classmates to the adults of Vulcan, and Spock wanted to preserve the last few hours that they were not disappointed in him.

At home, he locked himself in his room and meditated. He was only just starting to feel better when it turned dusk, but he still did not feel like eating anything that night.

“Spock?” His mother called to him just before he went back into his room.

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Of course. Why would I not be?” He didn’t turn around.

“I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted to talk to us about?” She sounded so sympathetic and kind that Spock wavered for just one second.

“No.” He went into his room and closed the door.

He busied himself with studying several chapters ahead in his school work. His mind became recalling facts and problem solving. He did not look up until the next morning in his first class. His attention snapped from one of his textbooks up to his instructor when grades were mentioned.

“Your final grade on your research project will now be posted.”

Spock heard his PADD chime and he looked down at it, his eyes roaming the page for his name on the list.

_Spock: 100_

Full marks. He felt his heart swell. He glanced to additional comments, desperate to know Savensu Sonak’s true opinion.

_Student followed rubric accurately. Student gave facts in logical manner. Student brought relevant visual aid for showing._

The happiness in his heart was squashed when he realized this was an extremely generic statement that could be applied to anyone’s project. He looked up at the instructor.

“The student chosen to have their research published has also been chosen.” He looked over at Spock’s table. For another moment he felt hope. “It is T’Pring.”

She looked surprised to hear this, but nodded and thanked him, as well as everyone who congratulated her.

“Congratulations.” Spock mumbled. He tried to be happy for her, but it was hard. He hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“You deserved it more.” She told him after class in the hallway.

“You deserved it just the same.” Spock could not argue with that logic.

“But your research was more original. It was a very open view-point, and something our class really needed to understand.

  
“I do not think Savensu thought so.” Spock said.

“Nor the publication.” She sighed. “As long as there are people like Stonn and his family that hold prejudice views, then the news is never going to publish something that would have them lose that readership. I am sorry, Spock.”

“It is not your fault.”

“You still got perfect marks.” She reminded him. “That is what future institutions look at when your apply for internships or apprenticeships.”

“I suppose.” He nodded.

He tried to purge any lingering negativity about the situation throughout the rest of the day. He was very ready to just get home, when Stonn passed him in the hall and stuck out his foot so Spock tripped.

“Human lover.” Stonn hissed.

Spock got up and just kept going, all the while wondering if it had even been worth it to bring Jim to school.

After school, Spock just got in the back seat of the car behind Romar. He remembered just days ago bragging to Romar about his new found driving skills, and Romar suggesting that Spock show him sometime. Spock hoped he would not bring that up now.

“Young Spock, how was school?”

“Uneventful.” Spock mumbled, resting his head on the window.

At home, Spock grabbed a snack and went to lock himself in his room once more. He would have a math exam soon, and now seemed like a good time to make math his primary focus. Math was always exact. Math could never disappoint him.

“Spock?” Sarek stood in the doorway to his office and Spock halted.

“Yes?”

“How was school?”

“Fine. I receive a good grade on my report. T’Pring’s was chosen to be published.” He took a loud bite out of his carrot and hoped he could go to his room now.

“Is there anything else you wish to discuss?” He asked.

Spock turned away and chewed loudly. There were now a few things troubling him. He missed Jim dearly when they were apart. He was starting to believe they shared the beginnings of a mental bond that Spock had control over. Their decision to marry one day was now known by his whole class.

“No.” Spock lied, taking another bite of his carrot.

“If you ever wish to speak to me about anything, all you have to do is knock, and I will answer. My work is very important, but you are also important to me.” He said. That made Spock feel something deep.

“Perhaps... I am upset.” Spock turned around to face him. “I am upset my research was not chosen. I worked very hard. I wanted to be published like you.”

“It is understandable that you feel this way. Understanding why you feel emotions is the first step to logically suppressing them. You must remember that all of your classmates worked hard and likely all deserved the recognition.”

“Yes.” Spock mumbled. “I cannot feel disappointed. T’Pring is my friend and she worked hard as well. I am happy for her.”

“Logical.” Sarek nodded. “It is logical that you have remained close with her, despite never bonding. Interpersonal relationships with other Vulcans your age is important.”

“Were you and Mother ever upset I could not bond with T’Pring?”

“At first we were not upset, but worried. Betrothal at a young age is a tradition with logical reason.” He said. “But we are no longer as concerned. We believe it will all resolve itself one day.”

Spock nodded and went back to his room. He was not sure what that meant. Did his parents know the truth or not? Well, Spock would try not to focus on that for now. He picked up his PADD and smiled as he decided to call Jim.

 

 

“ _My Trip to Vulcan?”_ Spock read the title of the paper aloud as Jim held it up to the screen. “You wrote that?”

“Yeah.” Jim laughed. “For school. It’s why I was asking you certain questions, to make sure I got it all right. I haven’t turned it in yet, though. I want your input.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean, you let me go through  your project to make sure you didn’t have anything offensive about humans. I figured you deserved the same.”

“I doubt you could say anything that would offend me.” Spock said. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Here, let me send you the digital version and you can read it yourself, or I’ll just read it to you! I wrote all about the little differences between your place and mine, and the similarities too. Like, how we both dry our laundry outside.”

“It just makes sense. Our dwellings are solar powered, so we should save the charged battery of the drier for when there is inclement weather.”

“Plus, it smells better when its sun dried.” Jim said factually.

“Very true.” Spock nodded.

“The only thing I didn’t put it…was our mind meld.” Jim blushed slightly. “I mean, I was gonna, but it felt too personal, you know?”

“You may include it if you would like.” Spock said. “I would not mind.”

“You sure?” Jim looked down at his paper. “Maybe. I dunno. It’s not really my teacher’s business. Maybe I’ll write about us getting locked in the garden shed instead. That was pretty funny.”

“I do not see the humor in it.” Spock said. Jim just laughed and shook his head.

“Man, I miss you already. I can’t wait to see you again. Maybe I won’t be so shy, and I’ll play you another song, or you could play me one.”

“I would like that.” Spock smiled slightly.

“I can take you to my class!” He seemed to think this was very funny. “Or, maybe not. I don’t want all my classmates asking you dumb questions. But I’m still glad you took me. It was fun. Thanks, Spock.”

“You are welcome, Jim. Thank you for your part in my receiving a good grade.”

As Jim began to read his paper aloud, Spock could not wipe the small smile from his face. As he heard about everything on Vulcan that Jim enjoyed, he was sure that it had indeed been very worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it!!
> 
> next time: emo puberty teenage spock.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like 100k words and we're not even at That Part™ yet. 
> 
> please let me know if you liked it!!
> 
> oh! warning. some mentions of mild violence and descriptions of blood in this chapter.

“Sa-kai.” Sanara tugged on Spock’s sleeve.

Spock had not heard her come in, due to the fact that he was using the quite fascinating item he’d received from Jim for his fourteenth birthday. The digital music player had convenient headphones that Spock used to listen to the playlists Jim made him.

It wasn’t that Spock particularly cared for any of the music on it, but more that he enjoyed knowing Jim compiled it all for him. There was a playlist for rainy afternoons (not that Vulcan had many), bright mornings, working out, studying, and even one for showering.

But Spock’s favorite parts were the brief voice messages in between the songs and at the start of all the playlists. Jim would say something like “Hey, Spock. Hope you like this next song. It reminds me of you when you’re really into whatever you’re reading, and you get that cute look on your face.”

Spock always felt himself blush when he heard that. Was he really cute? Even after he spent the last year missing teeth and growing at an exponential rate? Well, that just proved humans had strange taste that Spock would never fully understand.

“Sanara,” He sat up in bed and slid his headphones down around his neck. “You know you are not allowed in my room without my permission.”

“Sa-kai,” She scowled. “Mother has been asking for you, but you cannot hear her because of those things over your ears.”

“Mother? Why?” What could she want. Didn’t she know he was supposed to be studying?

“How should I know?” She actually rolled her eyes at him. For only five years old, she had quite the attitude.

Spock sighed and picked up his music player before following Sanara down the hall to his parent’s room. His mother looked over at them and smiled.

“Spock, are you busy?” She asked.

“I was just doing my math proofs.” Spock said. That wasn’t entirely untrue. The music did help him focus on his homework most of the time.

“Well, will you please take those things off when you’re talking to me?” She smirked, gesturing to his neck.

“Yes.” He suppressed a sigh and took of his headphones. He wrapped the cord around his music player and put it in his pocket.

“Thank you. Now, put your shoes on, we’re going out.”

“Out?”

“You need a new uniform, and I’ve got to get Sanara’s robes for school too.”

Spock contemplated for a moment. It was true that he did need new robes. His  current ones showed too much ankle and wrist, and it was becoming Stonn’s current fixation when he wanted to bully Spock. Spock could not help that this was his second growth spurt in such a short time. He did not like being this tall and gangly. He felt so awkward in his own body.

While it would be completely logical to just go with them to the shops, there was something about it that did not appeal to him. He knew it was that his classmates frequented the shops and there was a chance they would see him. Something about being seen shopping with his mother did not appeal to him. It was not because she was human, but more because she was a mother.

“Alright.” But because he could not logically explain this aversion, he decided to ignore it.

He went back to his room and changed from the sweatpants and t-shirt that had been handed down from Jim, and into his robes. While he was grateful for the clothes Jim had given him, as they were long enough to cover his ankles, he knew he could not wear them in public.

He combed his hair and went downstairs to wait for his mother and sister to finish getting ready. He remembered how his mother used to always take ages doing Sanara’s hair before they went anywhere. Just a few weeks ago, Sanara had gotten smart and realized that the only way to avoid their mother coming after her with a hair curler was to cut all her hair off.

She seemed almost smug when Sarek brought them back from the barber and Amanda had to look down at what was left of her daughter’s hair. It now barely went past the nape of her neck.

“Sarek, why did you let her do that!” Amanda had almost cried.

“It is her hair, and her choice.” Sarek had said logically. “I cannot tell her what to do with her body…”

Spock still smirked a bit at the memory. Sanara was very cunning for her age. If it had been Spock, he would have just suffered and let their mother do his hair all sorts of ways just to avoid a conflict.

When they came downstairs, Spock went straight for the car key hanging on the hook by the door. When he turned back around, Amanda was giving him that look. He wordlessly handed the key over.

“Sorry, Hun.” She sighed. “You know how traffic gets on Sunday. I’d rather just take the wheel myself this time.”

“I have had my license for over a month, and I have only driven once.” Spock mumbled to himself. “It is not fair.”

“Oh, Spock, don’t get worked up.”

“Mother, you said the same thing to him last night.” Sanara said as she got in the backseat beside Spock. “Why is Spock always getting worked up?”

“He’s at a difficult age, dear.” Amanda lowered her voice as if that would stop Spock from hearing her.

“What is so difficult about it?” Sanara buckled herself up, reminding Spock to do the same.

“Well, he’s growing.” Amanda started the car.

“So am I.” Sanara said. “I have grown three centimeters since last month.”

“He’s growing in another way. It’s different. You can’t see it on the outside.”

“Oh.” Sanara looked at him as if she were trying to see something about him change right there in front of her.  “Does it hurt when your bones grow so fast, Sa-kai?”

“Yes.” Spock looked at her. “Very bad. Especially when you get your adult cuspids.”

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Spock felt bad about scaring her, but it was the truth. He remembered how strange and lopsided he’d looked when his teeth were growing in. Now that they were both in, he actually liked the way they looked.

Of course, that had everything to do with Jim telling him they were cool. While they were growing in, Spock was worried he looked too much like I-Chaya, who was now sporting only one fang.

At the shops, Spock enjoyed the warm weather and smells of spices and incense coming from the many stalls. He wished he had his own credits to spend here, but there was not much he actually desired. And while the independency of a job would be nice at first, Spock could not make it work with how intense his schooling was this year. This was the start of formative years that were crucial to his future career.

His mother stopped to look at a selection of woven rugs in a shop window and Spock heard voices coming up nearby. He knew the shops were often populated by his classmates on the weekends, but Spock did not really expect to see them.

The last thing he wanted was for someone to see him with his mother, wearing these too-small robes. He quickly ducked behind a stone pillar, his back pressed to it. He waited for the voices to pass before peering out.

It was two female students from Spock’s school, but neither of them Spock knew personally. They were two classes ahead of him, not in Stonn’s circle of friends. He breathed a sigh of relief and stepped out from behind the pillar to catch up with his mother.

At the tailor’s, Amanda went with Sanara so she could get specially fitted. Spock was grateful that he was trusted enough to get his fitting done alone.

“School robes?” The tailor confirmed. “Learning Center… class currently in Level Nine.” He mumbled to himself, before returning with the proper shades of grey.

Spock stood on the stool provided as the tailor measured the space between the hem of his current robes and his ankle. He then held out his arms as they measured from his cuff to his wrist. His wristwatch was perfectly visible this way, and as the time approached four, Spock grew anxious. His homework was being neglected. He really should not have been daydreaming earlier.

“Here you are, sir.”

They placed a large box on the counter. It was strange for Spock to be called sir, as he still felt relatively young. Still, he thanked them and passed them his mother’s credit chip and returned it to his pocket before taking the box.

He then crossed the store and went around several shelves of fabric before he found his mother and Sanara. Amanda was sitting on a bench watching Sanara get fitted. Sanara kept jumping as the tailor sewed the hem of her robes.

“Mother, she is poking me.” Sanara scowled at the tailor.

“Apologies miss, but you keep moving.” The tailor seemed very young for the job, likely only a year or so older than Spock. She had light brown curly hair pulled back in a pony-tail and her make-up was done in green rather than the blue so many Vulcans favored.

“Sanara, like this.” Spock put his box down and went to stand across from her. He held his arms out straight on either side and kept his feet together. “Remain still, like a statue.”

“See, listen to your sa-kai. He seems very smart.” The tailor glanced up at Spock with the slightest smile. Spock suddenly felt as if the floor was vanishing beneath him and he were falling. His stance wavered slightly.

“Like a statue, Spock.” Sanara reminded him.

“Y-Yes.” He couldn’t not take his eyes off the tailor. It seemed mutual, as she kept looking him in the eyes between every stitch. His heart was racing and he could feel persistent heat in his face.

“Finished, miss.” The tailor stood up. “I will ring you up for both sets.”

“Oh, where’s my purse?” Amanda reached for her bag.

“I will get it, Mother.” Spock eagerly approached the counter and handed the tailor his mother’s credit chip.

“Let your mother know she can lower the hem on your sisters robes as she grows. She just needs to snip the extra stitches with shears.”

Spock nodded. He felt as if he were to try and talk, it would not come out right. It wasn’t as if he’d never been around girls before. He saw T’Pring nearly every day.

Of course, T’Pring never wore any scent. At least not one that Spock ever noticed. The tailor was wearing one. It was floral and wafted across the counter at him.

Amanda picked up the box of Sanara’s other set of robes from the counter and nudged Spock with her elbow. Spock’s eyes snapped from the tailor to his mother.

“Sometime today, please, Bud.” She smirked.

“Y-Yes.” Spock took his credit chip from the tailor and picked up his box of robes from the bench.

“Oh, Sir?” The tailor called to him. “Your receipt?”

She held the tiny paper out to him, and he took it, despite not requesting a printed receipt. It seemed like a strange thing to give him, until he took it from her. Their hands brushed just slightly and his pulse spiked again.

As he followed his mother and Sanara out, he glanced down at the receipt. On the back was something hand-written in ink.

_I am requesting that you contact me at some point, if you desire. –T’Pris._

It was followed by a nine-digit number that took Spock a moment to realize was a contact number. Why would the tailor give him a number if she already told him they would not need to follow up with extra work on Sanara’s robes?

Still feeling strange, Spock put the receipt in his pocket and continued to the car. If Amanda noticed him acting odd, she did not comment on it. Though, Spock did see her smiling at him in the rearview mirror. He blushed and just stared out the window.

 

“A female Vulcan gave me her contact information today.” Spock  said, having called Jim as soon as he got home. He’d changed back into his lounging Earth clothes and was now simultaneously working on homework while they talked.

“Woah, really? Good for you, dude!” Jim grinned.

“I am not sure what I am supposed to do with it.” Spock said.

“Dude, are you fucking serious?” Jim sighed. “Only you could be this dense while also being a genius. Call her. Ask her out. Was she hot?”

“I assume that you are using the slang term hot to ask about her attractiveness, rather than asking about her temperature? Because as you know, all Vulcans are hot.”

“Uh, yes.” Jim smiled, a slight blush on his face. “I know.”

“She was very beautiful, but I am busy with my schooling. I do not have the time, nor do I have the desire to seek out anymore companionship.”

“Why?”

“I have you.” Spock said simply, looking up from his math book.

“Oh, Spock.” Jim chuckled, his face growing redder. “You’re making me really miss you, even though I just saw you.”

“It has been almost a month since I returned from Earth.” Spock said. “It is perfectly logical to start longing for one another at this time.”

“Longing?”  Jim averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, which was nearly as red as his face. “I wouldn’t say I’m longing. It’s just that…it’s so quiet around here now that…you know.”

“Yes.” Spock understood what he was referring to.

Christmas break this year had been the same as always. Spock finished as much school work as he could in order to take the break and visit Earth. In Riverside, he and Jim enjoyed the Terran past times of movie theaters and shopping.

As always, too long in the cold left Spock unable to feel his extremities. Jim had then decided that they should go back home for hot tea and a warm fire.

Spock had never been in front of a lit fireplace before, but he soon found that it was the best thing he’d ever experienced. Jim wrapped a blanket around their shoulders and they shared the warmth together. He’d been close with Jim an uncountable amount of times before, but in that moment, it felt different.

The light of the fireplace was bringing out the golden color of his hair, and his blue eyes reflected the flames when Spock looked at him from the side. And then Jim looked at him, and Spock had felt an even stronger sensation of the floor falling beneath him.

They had not shared the human intimate act of kissing since they were children. Spock did not mind much. It was fascinating, but it was also foreign, and Spock was not sure he would be comfortable doing it while he was already feeling so odd in his rapidly growing body.

Instead, he opted for his favorite alternative. He reached for Jim’s hand. They stayed like that for a while, before Jim laid his head on Spock’s shoulder. In that moment, Spock was sure that heaven was real and it was here, though he could not articulate those thoughts at the time. His heart was beating so fast and he was not sure he could not speak, even if he wanted to.

It was just like the feeling he’d had today with the tailor, only much warmer and much more intense. But that was not what Jim was referring to.

It had all changed moments later when Winona had come home and asked Jim to fetch Sam so she could talk to them. Spock did not want to intrude on a family discussion, so he retreated to Jim’s room. Spock then got the gist of the situation through the shouting downstairs.

“I need to do this! It’s my job! It’s my responsibility!” Winona said.

“No!” Jim screamed. “Your responsibility is to your fucking kids! To us! You can’t leave us just because you wanna go hide in space! Dad is dead, Mom. He’s dead! Going out there isn’t going to bring him back!”

Spock could not stand yelling. He laid on Jim’s bed  and covered his ears with a pillow as he waited for it to pass. After a while, the door opened and Spock looked up to see Jim approaching the bed.

“Hey.” Jim wiped his eyes. “You wanna get out of here?”

So, out they went back into the cold. Jim ranted, telling Spock all about his mother’s desire to return to space and leave Sam to look after Jim. Spock personally agreed with Jim, that this was not logical. Sam was only just eighteen, and was hardly ever home anyways.

“Do you really think she leaves because space makes her feel closer to your father?” Spock asked.

“Actually…no.” Jim turned away. “The opposite. She wants to escape thinking about him. She can’t stand to look at me or Sam, because we look so much like him. Me especially. I have his eyes. That’s why she never looks at me for too long.”

Spock just hugged Jim, sharing his body heat and the last of his warmth as it started to snow again. Their breaths came out in clouds, but Spock did not shiver. He was holding the light and warmth of his life right in his arms.

Spock knew why Jim’s mother leaving was so hard for him. The last time that had happened, he’d been left in the care of his abusive stepfather. Now Jim was safe, but he did not feel safe. Spock did not know the logic in this, but he vowed to try and understand.

“How are you feeling?” Spock knew he had to ask bluntly to get Jim’s honest response. Otherwise, Jim would deflect the question and not give a real answer.

“Eh.” Jim still wasn’t looking at the camera. “Fine. Sam takes care of me. He makes sure I eat and do my homework and stuff.”

“He does not seem to be succeeding.” Spock narrowed his eyes.

“What? I already finished my homework for today, Smartypants.” He managed a chuckle, and Spock felt much better. “And I’m about to eat dinner too, so you shouldn’t worry about me so much.”

“I cannot help it.” Spock said.

“Well, honestly, I kinda like that you do. Between you and Pike calling to check up on me, it’s like I still have people that give a shit, even if neither of them are my mom.”

“When was the last time you spoke to your mother?” Spock asked.

“Last week.” Jim shrugged. “You know, she said the same stuff. It’ll just be a few months, she says. I’m starting to think I don’t even care if she comes back.”

“Jim…”

“Honestly!” Jim insisted.  “She can just live out there if that’s what she wants. You know, I better she never even wanted us. I bet it was my dad who wanted kids. Not her. But, when he died, she got stuck with us.”

Spock could not fathom such a thing. Winona had always been kind to him and loving towards her children when he visited, but now Spock wondered if things were truly worse deeper down and Spock had just never noticed.

“Well, anyways, I better go eat something.” Jim sighed. “I’ll message you later, okay?”

“Alright.” Spock did not like ending their calls, but he too needed food and to finish his homework.

After a few more sections of calculus, Spock went downstairs to eat dinner before coming back to work on physics. He was mildly disappointed that soon he would be finished with both those courses and have to pick new ones for the next semester.

He brushed his teeth before bed, practicing in the mirror what it would be like to show Jim his adult cuspids up close. Up very close. His breath fogged up the mirror as he leaned closer.

“Sa-kai, what are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Spock jumped back and looked over at Sanara standing in the doorway. “Why are you always sneaking up on me, ko-kai?”

“I do not sneak. I just have a very light step.” She said. “Please make room. I need to brush my teeth too.”

Spock stepped back from the sink and she stood in front of him. He noticed even on her tip toes, that she could barely see her reflection. Spock put his toothbrush down on the counter and picked her up, holding her in front of the mirror.

“Is this better?” He asked. She was not very heavy.

“Yes.” Her voice was muffled by toothpaste. “Hmm. Sa-kai, I cannot wait until I get my adult teeth. Even if they hurt growing in, I think they will look very fascinating.”

“What makes you think that?” Spock asked, struggling slightly to hold her up for this long.

“Yours look fascinating.” She replied. “Very sharp.”

He finally put her down and told her he was going to bed. He did not really kiss the top of her head anymore now that she was old enough to protest it, so he settled for patting her on the head.

He retreated to his room where he went to his desk to get his music player. That was when he noticed the receipt from earlier sitting on his desk. Spock picked it up and looked at it. No, he did not have the need for it. He had Jim. He did not desire the companionship of anyone else.

Still, he felt bad about crumbling it up, so he settled for folding it up very small before dropping it into the recycling bin by his desk. He then put on his headphones and laid on his bed. He scrolled through every track until he found his absolute favorite one.

It was a recording of Jim singing and playing his guitar. Spock knew Jim was a very talented musician, but he hardly ever wanted to play for anyone. Spock somewhat understood. After all, he was a talented lute player, but he only liked playing for Jim or his family. It was just too special to share with someone unless he was sure they would appreciate it.

He closed his eyes and listened to Jim’s voice. He could hear each time Jim placed his hands on the strings, and the slide of his hands on the neck. Something about knowing the recording was just for him made it much more intimate.

He fell asleep thinking about Jim, but nothing was new about that at all.

 

Now that Spock’s robes covered his ankles, it took Stonn a few weeks to think of some new insult to try and illicit an emotional response from him. It was telling when Stonn just reverted back to previous insults.

“Half-breed.” Stonn whispered as he passed by Spock. Spock ignored him and that was when Stonn stepped into his path so their shoulders collided roughly.

Spock stumbled and dropped his math book. He bent down and picked it up, refusing to let those words get to him. He just told himself Stonn was ignorant and stupid if he was still using the same insult seven years later.

“Are you alright?” T’Pring approached him.

“Of course.” Spock said, and he meant it. “He is easy to ignore for the most part.”

“I am pleased you think so. It is only going to get worse for the next few weeks.” She sighed. “Last night, Stonn and his parents came to my dwelling. They talked to my parents and tried to convince them that Stonn and I should bond.”

“They did?” Spock knew T’Pring and Stonn had been intended for one another when his own bond with T’Pring had failed, but he knew they had never gone through with it due to her aversion to Stonn’s personality.

“They said it was logical. They said he deserved me because I am the smartest female in the class. Those were their words, not mine. I told them no. I refused. They left without saying much else. After all, showing anger would be showing emotion, and therefore weakness. I can tell they were upset, though.” She looked at him. “It seems Stonn is going to take it out his anger on you.”

“Illogical.” Spock sighed. “But not unexpected. I can handle his comments and minor physical altercations. What about you?”

“He does not try to hurt me with words, but instead aims for my family. He says my father is…stupid for not making me go through with the bonding. He thinks his father is so important for being a doctor, but engineers are just as important.”

“Indeed.” Spock nodded. T’Pring’s father’s job was not just typical engineering. He worked on ships and shuttles too, and Spock knew that was how she had access to a dilithium crystal and was able to bring it to school for a project a few years ago.

“Knowing you are not bothered helps.” T’Pring said. “I will ignore him too. He will see neither of us are bothered and hopefully he will stop. He will also realize no one will want him as long as he is so awful. I just cannot believe so many Vulcans enable his behavior.”

“My father says those like him are not true Vulcans. Bigotry is illogical. Arrogance is illogical.” Spock was glad he was able to ignore Stonn much better now.

“Have you looked into the upcoming courses?” She asked. “There is going to be a fascinating one on Romulan language. Though, I should likely take more science courses if I want to become an engineer as well.”

“Romulan language? Fascinating for some, maybe, but I have no desire to learn it.”

“You will stick to science courses as well?” She asked with a knowing smile. “Perhaps we can be partners on projects.”

“Yes.” Spock nodded. “I would like that.”

A day for taking your children to work was a staple in this part of Vulcan. It was supposed to help children know what they wanted to do in their careers, and it helped show Vulcan children the importance of all jobs.

Spock had not accompanied Sarek to work in several years, but he agreed to go this time so he could keep an eye on Sanara. She had never been to the embassy, and this would be her first time there representing their family.

“If everyone goes to where their parents work, does that mean your children will come to our house, Romar?” Sanara asked him as he set their breakfast down on the table.

“His child is an adult, Sanara.” Spock whispered across the table. He knew Romar’s children were likely a tough subject, since one of them was deceased. Spock knew his deceased daughter had been a botanist, but he never knew what her younger twin did, since he never asked.

“True.” Romar turned his back to them and started on the dishes. “And she does not live here. She lives far away.”

“How far?” Sanara asked. Her inquisitiveness left her unable to always tell when her constant questions became annoying or intrusive. “As far as Earth?”

“Not quite that far.  She lives at the Kolinahru Monastery.”  He dried his hands on a dishtowel. “Excuse me children, I must start the laundry.”

Spock watched him leave the kitchen and go upstairs and wondered if he was sticking to the strict work regimen set by Spock’s parents, or if he just did not like when his children were brought up. The Kolinahru Monestary was where Vulcans who completed Kolinahr lived and trained acolytes or other Vulcans interested in the discipline. He wondered which one applied to Romar’s daughter.

“Are you ready to go?” Sarek came into the kitchen as Spock was taking his and Sanara’s dishes to the sink.

“I must go get my sweater.” Sanara said. “Mother made it for me to wear today.”

While she was gone getting it, Spock quickly took the opportunity to wash their dishes and put them away so Romar would not have to. Out the kitchen window, Spock could see Romar hanging their laundry on the line. He kept looking over at where Spock had once maintained a garden of sunflowers.

They had died out a while back as usual, and Spock had harvest their seeds. He had thought about replanting them, but he had just not had the time lately. He felt oddly bad about that now, as he had never realized he was not the only one who enjoyed their representation of Earth.

“I am now ready to represent our clan.” Sanara announced. She was wearing a sweater over her robes. In typical Amanda fashion, their mother had sewn a pocket in the front that served as a place to warm your hands. Spock’s sweaters had them too.

“Good. You must be on your best behavior today. As children of both Vulcan and Earth, the embassy should feel like home. By Vulcan government laws, it is considered on Earth soil.”

“Really Earth soil, or metaphorically?” Sanara asked.

“Metaphorically, of course.” Sarek said, though he seemed amused by the question.

They walked to the train station a few blocks over. Spock had taken the train in the city hundreds of times, and only had to scan his finger at the window for it to show he was in possession of the discounted pass all students had.

“Me too!” Sanara stood on her toes to scan her finger. Spock had to pick her up for her to reach. “Oh. I do not have a pass. I must pay full fare.”

“No, you get child’s fare. Only one credit.” Spock told her what to press to acquire her own child’s pass.

Sarek then scanned himself in, and Spock saw that he had eliminated both of their fares with his credentials as ambassador. There was a slight pang in his chest as Spock realized that this was another indicator at their slightly well-off nature that Spock tried not to think about.

On the train, Spock showed Sanara that the back window gave them a perfect view of the single metal rail the train travelled on. Keeping her in sight, he then went to stand by Sarek. The question burned in his mind, and he wanted to ask it now that were alone, and before more passengers boarded.

“Father, are we rich?” Spock asked, reaching for the metal pole in the aisle that steadied him as the train took a turn.

“Vulcan is not a capitalist society.” Sarek said as he stared out the window. “We do not focus on money, but more on ways to better our society together and take care of one another. There is no one on this planet that would ever go without food or without the best medical care that we can provide.”

“I know that.” Spock had a feeling Sarek was steering the conversation. “But we do have more money than others, don’t we? There is no one at T’Pring’s house that cleans and cooks for her. And not everyone has a car like we do.”

“This is true. Many Vulcans prefer walking for their health, or the train for longer distances, but I bought that car when I married your mother, since it seems every dwelling on Earth has one. To answer you, no, we are not rich. But we do have more…perquisites than others due to my job. We have a room at the hotel on Earth always ready when we need it, and I have transportation when I need it. I have only used what we need logically. I have never spoiled you or Sanara.”

“I know that as well.” Spock thought of his very expensive microscope on his desk, but also of the fact that his mother made nearly all of the sweaters and scarves they wore. 

“Romar works for us, yes, but he approached me for employment. There is no shame in keeping house at all. He is a skilled worker and his help allows your mother to work as well. Do not look down at Romar.”

“I do not.” Spock would never. He liked Romar very much. It was interesting to talk to an adult that was not family or a teacher. Romar was also the first person Spock ever told about his intentions to marry Jim. Of course, the whole planet could know after Jim blurted it out during a visit to Vulcan, but his parents and classmates did not confront him about it. “So, do you know about Romar’s children?”

“Yes. You are referring to his daughter’s death?”

“Yes. How did she die?”

“I believe it was choriocytosis.”

Ouch. Your cells losing oxygen until your body suffocated. Spock learned of it in school, and it sounded horrific. He now felt even worse for Romar, though he tried not to.

The train stopped and more Vulcans got on. Spock saw Sanara move away from the window and stand close to him as it became crowded. The train continued on, and Spock saw the embassy up ahead.

They stopped and got out in the station across the street from the embassy. Sanara took her hands out of her front pocket and held Spock’s hand as they crossed to the building.

The lobby was the same as Spock recalled. High dome ceilings and pillars resembling important Vulcans surrounded the round room. Sarek went to the front desk and checked in.

“I must go to my office now and return some messages. You may observe this area, but make sure you come up shortly and I will show you what my work entails there.”

“Yes Father.” Spock said and Sanara nodded.

Sarek took the elevator up and Spock took Sanara around to see the important artifacts that were in glass display cases along the wall.

“These discs here have all of the known logs made by Solkar on his first trip to Earth.” Spock told Sanara. He did not have to read the plaque to know this.

“I have never seen discs that big.” She said.

“Yes, well, technology has advanced since Solkar’s time.” Spock explained. “But his mission has remained the same. Humans and Vulcans have more in common than you might think. We must always be at peace with our human halves to live prosperous lives.”

“Is that why Mother and Father betrothed you to a human boy?” Sanara looked up at him and Spock did not respond at first. He had to think of the best way to respond.

“No. I chose him for myself. Hopefully you can choose someone for yourself as well when you are ready.”

“Perhaps not.” She scowled. “The boys in my class are much too loud and annoying.”

“Yes, many children are. But it does not have to be a boy. I can be anyone you want.”

“Even a girl?” She seemed to brighten up. “Even though we all wear the same uniform, I think the girls look prettier.”

“Yes. But you do not have to think about that just yet. You are young.” Spock took her hand and led her through the hall of records.

There were rows and rows of empty wooden shelves, though the wood was shiny and clean, as if this room was properly maintained.

“Why are the shelves empty?” Sanara asked.

“This library was once filled with records, but there was a terrorist attack on the embassy before either of us were born. The information that once resided here was lost, and so were many lives. The embassy was rebuilt and what was recovered of the information was converted to digital. But lives lost cannot be recovered. This place remains to honor them.”  Spock honestly knew all of this from lectures from Sarek from the first time Spock came here.

He was much younger then, and explored up and down the empty aisles searching for every one of the few lone books and files that could be found on the shelves. Sanara dashed ahead of Spock and started up and down the aisles. Spock followed far behind, pausing to look at a few of the records that remained.

Spock was just reaching for a fascinating looking file on a high shelf, when he heard Sanara’s footsteps disappear around a corner a few aisles away. She then skidded to a halt and gasped loudly.

“I am sorry. I did not mean to frighten you.” An unfamiliar voice said.

“Then why are you hiding in here?” Sanara asked suspiciously.

“I was reading.” He replied. “I must have lost track of time. I am here with my mother while she works. Are you here with a parent?”

“My Father and…” Sanara looked from the stranger to Spock as Spock stepped out to investigate. “Sa-kai.”

The stranger was a Vulcan boy who looked to be several years older than Spock. He had very dark skin and his hair was buzzed short to his scalp. He looked up at Spock over Sanara’s head and gave him a friendly look.

“Hello.” He held up the ta’al.

“Greetings.” Spock nodded.

He felt the same pull towards this person as he had with the tailor, but this time he knew it could be logically attributed to the young man’s athletic build and handsome symmetrical bone structure. Understanding that, Spock was able to ignore it. After all, he only truly desired Jim.

“Are you finished looking around here? Shall we go find your father?” The stranger asked Sanara.

She nodded and reached for Spock’s hand. They walked down the aisles of empty shelves towards the door. Along the walls were watercolor paintings of Vulcan landscapes and vast sections of space.

“Belt of Surak!” Sanara tugged Spock’s hand and pointed at one painting. She then pointed just past a star on the far side. “Leads to Earth.”

“Yes it does.” The stranger nodded. “Did you learn that at school?”

She shook her head. “Sa-kai told me. That is where Mother was born. That is where Sa-kai visits his human b—“

Spock quickly clamped his hand over her mouth. Honestly, he knew Vulcans were not the best at picking up social cues or body language, but Sanara was one of the worst offenders. It was as if she did not understand that some things should remain private.

“We have human ancestry.” Spock explained, taking his hand off of Sanara’s mouth and wiping her saliva off on his robes.

“Human ancestry?” The stranger knitted his brows together curiously.

“It is not fatal.” Spock said defensively.

“Then you must be…children of Sarek.” He brightened up. “Spock and Sanara.”

“Yes.” Spock nodded, pleased that the stranger did not have anything negatively to say outwardly. Of course, if his mother worked here at the embassy, perhaps his family was one of the more tolerant ones on Vulcan.

“I am Kesh, son of T’Vel.”

“Of course. I can now see the resemblance.” Spock should have known. T’Vel had worked with Sarek since before Spock was born. She used to come to their dwelling and have dinner with them on occasion. Spock wanted to seem grown-up, so he would try and listen intently to their boring conversation, but more often than not, he would feel lost. Though, he was still allowed to sip Vulcan port with them after dinner. That used to make him feel very grown.

They exited the library and took the elevator up to Sarek’s floor. When they got off, Spock immediately saw his father and Kesh’s mother talking in the lobby. They turned and looked at them.

“Ah, I see your children have already been introduced to my son.” T’Vel looked just as Spock recalled, only now her black hair had streaks of grey in it. But as usual, it was pulled back in a tight bun.

“Mother, Ambassador Sarek.” He nodded at each of them.

“Young Kesh, how have you fared since returning home?” Sarek asked.

“Home has been welcoming. After being in the presence of the other students and masters for so long, it is refreshing to see the Vulcan youth again.” He looked down at Sanara. “It has also been quite a while since I have embraced a sehlat.”

“Masters?” Spock inquired.

“Kesh left ShiKahr at age sixteen after successfully completing kahs-wan.” T’Vel said. “He went to the Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts, where he studied martial arts for two years. He just recently came home after mastering his form.”

“Martial arts?” Spock was impressed. He knew some Vulcans practiced for the mental and physical aspects of the discipline, but he’d never met someone who mastered any form. That explained Kesh’s muscles, not that Spock was looking.

“Yes. I mastered both Suus Mahna and Ponn-ifla.” He said, a hint of pride in his voice. Spock was not sure what either discipline entailed, but he was still impressed. “That is actually why I returned to the city. I want to teach the martial arts to students at the Learning Institute. Do you still attend, Spock?”

“Yes, I do. I am currently in Course Level Nine.”  

“That is precisely the level I want to teach.” Kesh said. “In fact, you will already have advantage over your peers.”

“Advantage?” Spock asked. If anything, his human blood made him physically weaker.

“Because you are tall.” Kesh said as if it were obvious. “You can attend the training sessions at the dojo for school credit, if you would like.”

“Training? With you?” Spock was aware that he kept repeating everything Kesh was saying, but it was hard to focus. No one other than certain teachers at school saw him as anything other than average, and that was only on paper that they seemed impressed by his intellect.

“Look for my name when you sign up for classes soon. If you are interested, martial arts is a very rewarding discipline for both the mind and body.”

“I will.” Spock nodded.

“Come, Kesh, I must finish my work.” T’Vel beckoned to her son.

“Yes, Sanara must observe my work as well. Come.” Sarek crossed the hallway to his office and Spock and Sanara followed him inside.

As Sarek explained the reports he was doing to Sanara, Spock sat in one of the chairs in front Sarek’s desk and took out his PADD. He checked that he was currently caught up on all of his work, and enrollment for new classes was in one week. As he checked the available classes, he saw Kesh listed.

He was not listed as Savensu Kesh, but as Trensu Kesh --master. The classroom was also not listed as an ordinary lecture hall or skill dome lab, but as an off-campus place.

Was Kesh serious when he invited Spock to train with him? Vulcans did not joke or lie, but how could anyone think Spock’s awkward lanky frame could be good for fighting? Perhaps that was actually the perfect starting point for training.

The class met on Saturday, and was twice the credits and length of an ordinary course. Spock could use those credits. And such an interesting course would be exactly the sort of thing that higher education institutions would look for.

Spock signed up.

He tried to spot Kesh sometime later to let him know, but he did not see T’Vel or her son for the rest of the day.

 

“Martial arts?” Jim’s eyes widened as Spock told him over a video call that night. “That’s so cool! Are you going to be like doing Vulcan karate?”

“Suus Mahna is not karate. It is offensive Vulcan martial arts. Ponn-ifla is the defensive form. It is all about turning someone’s weight and attacks against them without striking.” Spock only knew this because he had looked it up when he got home. He also downloaded all of the texts he could on the martial arts. He was scrolling through them now, observing diagrams of different moves.

“Oh, well that’s still really cool. The only new classes I got this semester was extra lit. Just because I’m good at picking up on metaphors and symbolism doesn’t mean I like doing it. Why can’t my guidance counselor get that?” Jim sighed.

“Perhaps you would enjoy it more with an audience. What are you reading now in class?” Spock clicked off of the texts he’d been skimming so the video went full screen.

“We’re reading dumb old Of Mice and Men. I already read it like two years ago, though.” He propped his paperback book up the pillow. “But if you _really_ want me to read to you, I don’t mind.”

He fished around off camera on his bedside table and came back in frame wearing his glasses. Spock recalled when Jim first got them a few years ago. He seemed embarrassed by them and asked Spock if he thought they made him look like a dork. Spock said they did not, and since then, Jim did not mind wearing them so much.

Spock unplugged the headphones from his music player and plugged them into the PADD. He laid back against the pillows and closed his eyes, letting Jim’s voice take him into the story.

“You still awake?” Jim would ask every few pages.

“Yes.” Spock would answer, opening his eyes for the next few moments.

He would watched Jim’s eyes move across the page as he read. Spock was always very fond of the color of Jim’s eyes. There were no blue eyes on Vulcan, and they were rare on Earth. They were so beautiful. The upcoming warm weather on Earth also meant that Jim’s hair was getting lighter in the sunlight. It was also so beautiful.

It was past midnight when Jim started yawning. He’d read more than ten chapters of his book before they decided that was more than enough for Jim to pass his test on it. They then switched to playing chess online against one another.

Jim’s sleepiness made him not as sharp as usual. Spock was distracted by Jim’s sleepiness, which pretty much left them as equal as they usually were when they played.

“We should go to sleep.” Spock said.

“I know.” Jim yawned, taking his glasses off. “But I don’t wanna.”

“You need eight hours to function.”

“ _You_ need eight hours to function.”

“Incorrect. As a Vulcan, I can go much longer without –“ Spock yawned. “Sleeping.”

“Ha.” Jim yawned.

“A simple contagious reaction.” Spock sighed. “But, yes, I would like to sleep as well.”

“Alright.” Jim rolled over in bed, stretching. “Hey, spring break is in a few months. I know still a ways away, but you wanna come here, or what?”

“Likely.” Spock and Jim’s visits were practically implied at this point, it was just a matter of deciding who was going to stay at whose planet that time.

“Cool. We can work out the details or whatever later on. I gotta go to sleep.”

“As do I.”

“Well, see ya.” Jim gave him a small wave before hanging up.

Spock took off his headphones before placing his PADD on the bedside table. He got under the covers and closed his eyes. He should meditate before bed, but he was too sleepy. He fell asleep replaying Jim’s voice in his head.

  * **You were in my dream last night.**
  * **We were at your house and you were showing me some music on your lute.**
  * **I don’t really remember the rest but it felt really real.**
  * **All dreams feel real but you know what I mean.**



Spock did not see the messages until he was at school the next day. He stopped in the hallway as his read them, his eyebrows going up.

He too had a dream with Jim in it last night. He did not recall the details, but they had been in Spock’s room just as Jim described, but he could not recall the details. It could have just been a coincidence. After all, they had been talking right before bed, but at the same time, Spock could not help but think of the tiny bond with Jim that was in his mind.

  * _I dreamed of you as well._
  * **Really? O:**
  * **Coincidence?**
  * _Perhaps._
  * **Nah. We’re astrally projecting into each other’s brains. :p**



Spock did not think that was possible, but once they were formally bonded as adults, the link in their mind would be capable of many things. Perhaps that could be one of them.

“Good morning.” T’Pring greeted him as they met outside the skill dome lab.

“Good morning.” Spock nodded.

“Are you prepared for the exam?” She asked.

“That is…today?” Spock felt his heart skip a beat.

“You are…teasing? Joking with me?” She narrowed her eyes.

“No, it did…slip my mind.” He admitted. “But no matter. I have mastered this course already.”

“If you did not study last night, then you should be prepared to see _my name_ on the top of the score list.” There was a playful gleam in her eyes.

“Only if you are prepared to see mine.” He countered.

He was not sleepy, but recalling the hours of leisure time from last night that he did not study left a pang in his chest. If he did not at least get within the top three, he would have only himself to blame.

In the lab, the dome closed around him, and he heard the computer prepare the exam. He took several meditative breaths and tried not to think of T’Pring, who had likely studied all the previous night. He also tried not to think of Stonn and the other Vulcans who would take this exam later today. That was the only downside to the end of courses. He was never sure he could pick new ones that wouldn’t have Stonn in them.

Spock cleared his mind and began reciting the formulas asked of him. The only thing that set him apart from the other Vulcans during exams was that instead of remaining absolutely still, Spock tapped his fingers against his thigh to keep track of the different numbers he was working with. One teacher had told him several years ago that it was a sign his mind was too weak to work Vulcan problems on its own. Another teacher had said that it did not matter, as long as he arrived at the correct answer.

“ _Complete.”_ The computer said. _“Final score: Ninety-nine percent.”_

“Damn.” Spock sighed, gritting his teeth. The screen displayed the current high scores. He was second to T’Pring, but he knew the afternoon class would be full of students who were much better prepared. That extra point mattered more than it may seem.

“I am quite pleased to be done. Trigonometry was getting very tedious.” T’Pring said as Spock exited the lab. Spock made a small noise of recognition, but he could not help but still think of his missing point. “Are you taking the next astronomy course? I will take it if you are.”

“Yes.”

“Alright.” She nodded. “My mother says I also need an extracurricular physical course. These meet on Saturdays. Have you seen the list?”

“Yes.”

“There is chess club, but that may also be too easy.” She took out her PADD and began scrolling. “Romulan language club. I would rather not do that one. Oh, martial arts. Have you seen this?”

“Yes.” Spock had almost forgotten in his disappointment over his grade. The only thing he could do was vow to try harder in his next courses, and this one of them. “I have signed up for it. It seems very beneficial.”

“Really? Then I will too.” She tapped the screen. “We have our final science exam tomorrow. Do you want to borrow my notes?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. Was this her way of teasing him about her higher grade? No, of course not. She was genuinely trying to help him. As much as pride told him not to take them, logic said there was a reason T’Pring was always at the top of the class.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“I can bring them by tonight.”

 

As much as Spock enjoyed talking to Jim, he had to study that evening if he wanted a high score. Science came so easy to Spock, that sometimes he found that his mind worked much faster than the paper, and he would already be several steps ahead on the exam.

Just because that happened in the past, did not mean he could count on it this time. He had to stick to studying each section and chapter carefully, even if he recalled the answers easily.

He sat on the floor on his bedroom, textbook open as he carefully transcribed the notes from his PADD onto paper. He mumbled to himself, reading them under his breath and committing them to memory.

The knock on his bedroom door startled him and made him lose his place. He put down his pen and pushed his headphones back off his ears to around his neck.

“Yes?”

“It is just me. Romar let me in.” T’Pring opened the door. “May I come in?”

“Yes.” Spock was a bit worried what she would think of the mess on the floor, but she did not seem to notice.

“I have my notes for you. I thought about sending them to you, but I’d rather us study together. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes.” He nodded and she sat down.

“What are you listening to?” She asked, gesturing to his headphones.

“Oh…nothing.” He blushed, thinking of the studying playlist Jim had made him. He took off his headphones and put his music player in his pocket.  “We should get to work.”

T’Pring may have beaten him in math, but his confidence was elevated when he realized she was slightly behind him in science. As they transcribed their notes, Spock corrected T’Pring’s notes twice where she had incorrectly defined something. She did not seem bothered, and instead just nodded and never made the same mistake again.

His door opened without a knock and he looked up to see Sanara in the door way. She watched T’Pring for a moment before looking to Spock.

“Sanara, we are studying.” Spock suppressed annoyance. “What do you want?”

“Can I borrow your kal-toh set?” She asked, her eyes on T’Pring. T’Pring put down her pen and smiled at Sanara.

“Go get Father’s.” Spock said.

“His is not color-coded like yours is.” She said.

“Fine.” Spock knew the easiest way to get her to leave would just be to give her what she wanted. He got up and grabbed the game from the shelf. “Here.”

“Thank you, Sa-kai.” She took the box and turned towards T’Pring. “Do you want to play with me?”

“No, thank you.” T’Pring smiled at her kindly. “I am studying for an important exam.”

“Oh.” Sanara frowned. “I am only in the pre-level, so I do not have exams yet. Do you want to see my new school robes?”

“Sanara, leave us be.” Spock said, slightly frustrated. “She is not here to play with you.”

“Perhaps another time.” T’Pring nodded. “I like your hair cut.”

“You like my short hair?” Sanara’s eyes widened. “I am glad. I was beginning to wonder how I would find a female bond-mate if no one liked my hair. But if you do, then maybe other girls do as well.”

“Sanara, get out.” Spock was through being patient with her.

“I am already out.” She went out into the hall and slammed his door behind her.

“I apologize for her.” He considered locking the door, but decided against it.

“No apologies necessary.” T’Pring turned a page in the textbook. “Is she a lesbian?”

“I do not know. She has this fascination with finding a female bond-mate. I have no idea where this fascination came from.” Spock thought she was too young to think about that sort of thing. She should enjoy the last few years before that became an expectation of her.

“Maybe she is just trying to emulate you.” T’Pring seemed amused at the idea. “By having a bond-mate of the same gender.”

“Maybe.” Spock had never thought of that before.

“Or, perhaps she just sees no appeal in boys. Personally, I cannot relate to that sentiment.”

“Neither can I.”

They shared mutual amusement at this, before getting back to work. Having a friend in T’Pring was still strange to Spock. He was used to Jim’s loudness, among other things. T’Pring was like Jim’s opposite. It was fascinating.

 

 

One-hundred-and-ten percent. That was Spock’s final score in the science exam. The extra ten points was only achievable by answering the majority of the questions in under a tenth of a second. Spock was quite pleased with his score and it showed outwardly.

“I only got one hundred.” T’Pring said. “But I would have missed the thirty-seventh question, had you not corrected my notes last night. The next part of the course seems difficult. Will you study with me again sometime?”

“I would enjoy that.”

“T’Pring…Spock.” Stonn approached them as they exited the lab. Spock felt his pulse increase, but he suppressed an anger.

“What?” T’Pring snapped.

“I noticed your names in the roster for Savensu Kesh’s class. Just so you know, the physical disciplines are more than you can handle, Spock. You should drop out.”

“That is _Trensu_ Kesh, and he recommended me specifically.” Spock glared. “I do not want to disappoint him. He will see me at the dojo Saturday, and so will you.”

Stonn looked taken aback, but then unsure if he believed Spock. He narrowed his eyes and turned on his heels before stalking away. Spock felt relieved he was gone, but did not outwardly show it.

“Did Trensu Kesh really recommend you?” T’Pring asked.

“Yes. I met him when I went to my father’s work. He seemed very knowledgeable, and martial arts seemed interesting, but now I must admit I am disappointed that Stonn signed up.”

“Ignore him. What is Trensu Kesh like? If he mastered two arts, he must be very old and wise.”

“He is hardly old. Only eighteen.”

“Then he should be spry enough to keep Stonn in check. I would not worry about him.”

“I do not.” That was mostly true.

On Saturday, Spock rose quite early to meditate before going to the dojo. He did not fear Stonn, and he was not worried about that. But he was worried about something.

What if Kesh was wrong? What if Spock’s human blood did make him weak? Would Kesh have to ask him to drop out? Or would he force Spock to stay and get beat up week after week? Both were equally unappealing.

Pushing these worries aside, Spock took the train into the city and got out at the dojo. The building was short and on stone steps, with glass walls all around. Spock climbed the steps and went inside.

“Spock.” T’Pring was already in the sparring uniform of long pants and long-sleeved shirt, and her hair was pulled back. “I was waiting for you.”

“Have you seen Stonn?” Spock asked.

“He was here when I arrived. He is in the main room practicing his attacks…showing off.”

“Spock. I am pleased to see you.” Spock and T’Pring turned to see Kesh coming out one of the locker rooms. He was also dressed the sparring clothes, and the sleeves accented his muscles, not that Spock was looking this time either.  “I was wondering if you were going to sign up.”

“It seemed intriguing.” Spock nodded respectfully, wishing Stonn was out here to witness this.

“I hope you find it so. The rest of the students should arrive soon. Please change and wait inside for me.” He crossed the lobby and went into another room that was likely an office.

“ _That_ is Trensu Kesh?” T’Pring asked in amazement.

“Yes. I told you he was young.”

“You told me he was young, but you did not tell me he was so handsome.”

“I…did not notice.” Spock lied, going around her to enter the locker room.

Once he changed, he waited in the main room of the dojo with the others. There were eight students in all, all of whom Spock recognized from their class. They all warmed up with the usual stretches they did in past physical education classes.

Kesh entered and they all paused and turned to face him. Spock heard one of the female students whisper something to another and she replied enthusiastically. Spock tried to ignore them.

“Good morning.” Kesh said.

“Good morning Trensu.” They all replied in unison.

“I should tell you now, that this will not be like any course you have taken before, physical or otherwise. This discipline is simply for your mind and body, and to uphold Vulcan traditional teachings. Winning is not what matters.”

Stonn made an audible noise of disbelief. Spock looked at him, and saw Kesh’s eyes dart in Stonn’s direction for a moment, but he did not speak on it. He just continued to pace back and forth in front of the group.

“You should not use anything you learn here outside of the dojo unless absolutely necessary.”

“What?” Stonn snapped. “What if we need to defend ourselves?”

“If you truly find yourself in danger from some non-Vulcan entity, you should just use the easiest form of defense –the nerve pinch. You _do_ know it, do you not? Stonn, was it?”

“O-Of course I know it!” Stonn growled.

“Then there should be no issue. Now, everyone should already know it, but I would like to assess your abilities, and then demonstrate my own. I need a volunteer.”

T’Pring’s hand shot up so fast that Spock had to duck out of her way to avoid getting clipped in the ear. Kesh nodded at her and she stepped up beside him. Her look of admiration towards him was quite amusing.

“Spock, will you please join her?” Kesh looked at him, and Spock felt his heartrate increase as he went up to stand beside her.

“Now, face one another.” Kesh said, and they did so. “Now, Spock I want you to perform the nerve pinch on T’Pring.”

They looked at one another in surprise. Spock had never used it on anyone, though he occasionally wanted to. But that was only on Stonn and his friends, never on his own friends.

“Do not worry. If done properly, you will not hurt her. She will only fall unconscious.”

The floor of the dojo was wooden, but covered in thick padded mats. It likely would not hurt for her to fall onto it. Still, Spock felt bad about doing this to her, but he had to obey the master. Spock reached out and placed his hand on the spot between her neck and shoulder.

She gave him a small understanding nod, and he administered the pinch. Immediately her eyes closed and she collapsed. Kesh stepped forward and caught her before she hit the floor. She was completely limp, but she did not look very heavy.

“Everyone, watch carefully.” Kesh lowered T’Pring to the floor before placing his hand on the opposite side of her neck. He administered the same sort of pinch twice in a row, only centimeters apart from one another.

Spock saw T’Pring slowly open her eyes. He looked up at Kesh and blushed. Spock was impressed. He had no idea there was a way to rouse consciousness  from someone who had been nerve pinched.

“How did you do that?” Someone asked as T’Pring stood up.

“Simple. Twice the pressure on the opposite side restimulates nerves and circulation.”

“Is that a secret technique?” They asked. “Only taught at the Defense Institution?”

“No. Not a secret. It is new. I created it myself.” He said. There were murmurs of approval.

“Amazing.” T’Pring said, her eyes wide.

“Thank you.” Kesh nodded. “Now, T’Pring, I want you to nerve pinch Spock.”

Spock only had a moment to comprehend and prepare himself. In her eagerness to impress Kesh, she obeyed immediately. Spock felt her hand touch his shoulder, and everything immediately went black.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw he was laying on the floor with Kesh standing over him. He felt Kesh remove his hand from Spock’s shoulder, and Spock felt alert again. He quickly scrambled to his feet and tried to keep his heartrate down.

“Simple, yes? Now, we should move to warmups. These are very simple as well.”

They followed along as Kesh directed them on different moves that reminded Spock of yoga poses. In bare feet, it was easy to balance how they needed. He taught them when to breathe and when to hold their breath. It was actually quite relaxing.

“T’Kett, lower your arms a bit. Better.” Kesh nodded, continuing to patrol the room and observe them.

“He is coming over.” T’Pring whispered to Spock, subtle excitement in her voice.

“Very good, both of you.” He nodded, approving their stances.

“Thank you, Trensu.” T’Pring said enthusiastically.

Spock could not help but find amusement at how obvious she was being in her attraction to him. Apparently, she noticed this too and did not take kindly to it. She retaliated by purposely elbowing him in the ribs when they switched positions. Spock winced in pain.

“Apologies.” She smirked.

“When are we going to learn strikes?” Stonn asked loudly, demonstrating by slashing his arm through the air.

“Soon.” Kesh said. “And your form is quite wrong.”

Spock felt on high spirits after that, even if it was petty of him.

His new courses in math and science were quite fascinating. There was nothing like the thrill of correct answers in the skill dome, or perfect marks on exams. Spock enjoyed academia quite a lot, but there was something extra exhilarating about sparring. It soon became Spock’s favorite course –aside from science.

Trensu Kesh was an excellent teacher, and so experienced, that it was easy to forget how young he was. He taught them a series of offensive moves, and defensive ones to counter.

They practiced these moves on bags of sand hanging from chains, but Spock, like most of them, was eager to begin sparring with one another. Trensu Kesh promised they would soon, but in the meantime, they practiced on him.

Spock left his class one afternoon having successfully landed one strike on his master. Spock was surprised he had even managed that.

“Do you have previous training in athletics?” Kesh asked, rubbing his elbow where Spock’s hit had landed.

“I completed all three years of swimming.” Spock said.

“It shows.” Kesh nodded, and Spock could barely hide how pleased he was.

“Trensu Kesh says that my swimmer’s physique should help in sparring.” Spock told Jim later that day, wondering if he should start going to the pool again as a part of his training.

“Trensu Kesh says that everyone slept on the floor while they were training at the Defense Institute. They were emulating the Terran country of Japan in this way.” Spock told him after the next class.

“Trensu Kesh says that meditation is actually the entire focus of the discipline.” Spock said a few weeks later.

“Trensu Kesh says –“

“Dude.” Jim finally snapped one evening, a mixture of amusement and annoyance on his face, not that Spock was very good at discerning either emotion. “All you ever do anymore is talk about this freaking Trensu Kesh guy. You know, I think you have a crush on him.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” It was true that Spock was not sure of the slang Jim used, but it could be very much assumed using context. “I simply admire his teachings.”

“Uh huh… _sure._ ” Jim smirked. “His _teachings.”_

“I assure you, I do not know what you mean.” Spock could feel his face slowly growing hotter, and cursed the way Jim could bring out his emotions.

“Yeah you do.” Jim teased. “You _love_ him. I bet in class, you’re all _‘Oh, Trensu Kesh, please notice me. Please notice my form, because I am totally noticing yours.’”_

“I do not.” Spock said through gritted teeth, his whole face growing warmer. “That is not funny.”

“You know, Spock.” Jim was now laughing so hard that he could barely speak. “If you love him so much, why don’t you just marry him!”

Spock quickly hung up the call and slammed his PADD down onto the bed. There was a strange hot feeling in his stomach he could not fight. He hated emotions. And he hated Jim for making him feel them. He took a few deep breaths, purging his embarrassment and trying to replace it with logic.

Even with logic, he did not see how Jim could possibly think Spock ever wanted to marry anyone else.

“Mother, may I ask you a question about emotional development?” Spock asked later that evening.

“I’m all ears.” She turned off the screen where she’d been watching the news. “That means I’m listening intently.”

He was aware. He had a catalog of idioms she used frequently. It helped in the few times he had to converse with humans other than Jim.

“How do you know when you have a crush on someone?”

“Well…” She seemed a tad surprised by the question, and he noticed a faint blush on her cheeks as she slowly considered the question. “Well, one of the key signs is that you’re nervous when you’re around them, but you still can’t wait to see them and talk to them.”

“I see.” Spock nodded. “But that also can be signs of admiration.”

It now made slightly more sense that Jim mistook Spock’s feelings for Kesh as ones of romance.

“True.” She nodded. “I guess you, or rather, whoever you’re researching… should ask themselves if they desire physical or verbal affection from this person. That’s the difference, I think.”

“I see…” Spock said again, slightly confused. He did desire verbal praise from Kesh, but thoughts of physical affection such as holding hands made him feel very strange.

“Are things clearer now?”

“No. One more thing. According to my research, crushes are fleeting a go away after a few weeks.”

“Usually, that is the case.” 

“But if you have a crush on someone for a very long time and it does not go away, does that mean you are in love with them?”

“It may mean that you are starting to fall in love with them.” She nodded.

“…Interesting.” Spock nodded and turned to go back upstairs.

“Spock, is there anything else you want to ask me? Anything you want to talk about?” She called after him.

“No. I believe I have done enough research for the night.”

When he got back upstairs, his PADD was alerting him of new messages.

  * **I didn’t mean to make you mad.**
  * **I was just teasing you.**
  * **I was being a jerk. I’m sorry.**
  * **I won’t do it anymore.**
  * **Are we okay?**
  * **Spock?**
  * _I am alright._
  * _I am a Vulcan, therefore teasing does not bother me_.
  * **Oh, thank god. I thought you were mad.**
  * _Vulcans cannot get mad._
  * **Okay, that’s a lie.**
  * _Vulcans do not lie._



Relieved that things were back to homeostasis, Spock put on his headphones and started on his math notes. He still had some pressing concerns regarding his _research_ , but he realized he needed much more time to come to a real conclusion. Luckily spring break was approaching.

 

“Now, everyone must put the gloves on their hands like I showed you.” Kesh said one Saturday morning. He had finally decided they were to spar against one another, and they were all as excited as Vulcan could be. “Does anyone know why we wear these?”

“So our touch telepathy does not interfere?” T’Pring offered.

“Correct.” He nodded. “This is a controlled environment, and we will not be using our abilities on one another. As you know, it is very wrong to read someone without their consent. I do not want to hear of that happening here.”

“Yes, Trensu.” They all answered.

Spock carefully put on his gloves, covering his hands. He then looked up as Kesh assigned opponents.

“Can we not choose our own opponents?” Stonn asked, looking directly at Spock. Spock stared back, unwavering. He was not afraid.

“Next week. For now, I want to assess your skills. T’Pring and T’Pell, enter the ring. Remember, you must pin both your opponents shoulders to that mat for three seconds to be victorious. ”

Spock watched as they entered the center of the mat. They made sure their hands were covered before bowing to one another.

 _“Klee-et.”_ They said to another. It meant prepare to engage, and was the formal greeting in controlled fights.

T’Pring was faster than Spock had expected. She struck T’Pell in the neck with the side of her hand twice before T’Pell could block. She then swept T’Pell’s leg, causing her to fall. T’Pring was on top of her, pinning her down in under a minute.

“Excellent.” Kesh nodded.

“That is not at _all_ like we practiced.” T’Pell complained when T’Pring let her up. “I did not get a chance to counter.”

“Spock, you next.” Kesh looked at him.

Spock tightened the gloves  on his hands and stepped up to face T’Pring. Now that he had seen her fighting style up close, Spock hoped his height would truly give him an advantage like Kesh said.

They bowed to one another, and it began.

She struck at his side, but Spock knew to block this time. She then aimed for his neck, but he held up his arms, letting them take the damage. He winced, feeling her pound bruises into his arms. It was better than his neck.

When he guarded his face, his body was open. She noticed and kicked him in the ribs, likely harder than intended. He gritted his teeth, refusing to surrender. When she kicked again, he dropped down and swept her leg with his. When she fell, he got on top of her and tried to pin her down.

“Stonn, you will face the victor.” Kesh said.

As soon as they heard that, Spock noticed a change in her. The look of fear on her face lasted for only a second. Her face went impassive as her body went limp. Spock’s weight pressed her shoulders down to the mat.

“Spock wins.” Kesh announced. T’Pring jumped up and started for water cooler against the wall.

“T-Time out.” Spock turned Kesh, who nodded. He followed her.

“You let me win.” Spock said, his voice lowered.

“I do not know what you are talking about.” She said, turning her back to him.

“You let me win because you are afraid to fight Stonn.”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” She repeated, getting a cup of water.

Seeing it was pointless, Spock sighed and walked back over to the group. Kesh nodded to Stonn, who stepped in front of Spock.

As regulation, they bowed, though they did not break eye-contact. Stonn clenched his fists. Spock knew closed-fist punches were not allowed, but rather than trusting Stonn not to do it, he prepared to block the attacks.

“Begin.”

Stonn swung at him, but Spock ducked. He soon found that his height was a slight advantage. When balancing on one leg, he was able to kick Stonn in the shoulder with his other leg. As he had predicted, Stonn did not stick to the set rules, and Spock felt a fist connect with the side of his head.

In Stonn was not going to follow the rules, Spock would not either. It was the only logical way to remain Stonn’s equal. Spock quickly switched to the other leg and kicked Stonn in the side of the head. He then blocked the next hit to the face, but while blocking, his body was exposed. He felt a knee connect with the soft part of his stomach.

“Time out.” Kesh said, but Spock could not drop his guard. Not when Stonn was still swinging.

Spock purposely dropped his arms for a split second to leave his body exposed. When Stonn kicked him, Spock grabbed his leg and held it before dropping all of his weight onto Stonn’s knee.

“Time out!” Kesh approached them as they hit the mat.

Kesh’s hand went to Spock’s shoulder, holding him back, as he stepped in front of Spock and shielded his body from Stonn.

“Explain this illogical display.” He demanded.

“Hits to the face are against the rules.” Stonn said.

“Then why did you do it?” Spock growled.

“You hit first.”

“Liar. You used closed fists.”

“Only a weakling would not stand against me and fight. You are weak, just like your human ancestors. You—“

“Silence.” Kesh snapped. “It is evident you both broke the rules and aimed for the face. You are both bleeding.”

Spock slowly reached up and touched his lip. Blood. He then looked down at his arms. They were covered in bruises. He could also feel several against his ribs and it hurt when he breathed.

“And we do _not_ aim to break bones.” Kesh glared in Spock’s direction, and Spock felt immense sadness in knowing Kesh was disappointed in him.

“He barely harmed me.” Stonn said, though Spock noticed he was not putting weight on his leg.

“The second Spock saw you _cheat,_ he should have called and end to the match, or nerve pinched you. Both of these choices would have been better than attempting to fight you by disobeying the rules himself. We are not animals. We are not warriors. We are Vulcans. I am disappointed in the both of you.”

“I—“ Spock was not sure what he would say, so he was half-grateful that another glare from Kesh shut him up.

“Spock, go clean yourself up.” Kesh said. “Stonn, come with me.”

“I am being punished even though Spock behaved the same as I did?!” Stonn demanded.

“You are _both_ being punished.” Kesh told him, and Spock felt another wave of shame. “And this will go on your permanent records.”

“No!” Spock exclaimed. Kesh was being logically fair, but Spock could not think logically now.

“Yes.” Kesh snapped.  “Now, go. Report to my office when you are done. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Spock felt such emotion welling up inside him, but he could not show it. He turned and bolted towards the locker rooms.

He gripped the sink basin as he stared at his reflection. He was bleeding from his lip and there was a swelling on his temple. He carefully took the gloves off his hands and examined his arms. They were covered in bruises, though some of those were from T’Pring.

He then slowly took off his t-shirt and saw green bruises begin to form over his ribs. A few of those were from T’Pring as well. He sighed and washed his face before pressing a cold cloth to his face and side. He then got his bag from one of the lockers and changed into his long robes.

T’Pring was waiting for him outside the locker room. He did not look at her, choosing to keep his eyes down.

“Spock. I am sorry.” She said. He ignored her. He could not talk now. He just dragged his feet towards Kesh’s office. “You were right.”

“Clarify.” He stopped in his tracks.

“You were right. I did let you win. I was afraid to fight Stonn.”

“With good reason. He is a cheater.”

“But if I had not lost on purpose, this would not have happened. As soon as I saw Stonn cheat, I would have told someone, I would have –“

“And I did not, because I am stupid, correct?” He snapped, and she recoiled.

“No. That is not what I mean.”

“I do not have time for this now.” He sighed.

He crossed the lobby to Kesh’s  office and prepared for the worst –expulsion. If he was expelled, what would come of him? He could not be a scientist if he did not even graduate from the first twelve course levels. Could he change schools? Nowhere on Vulcan was as esteemed as the Learning Center, and they likely would not take him with expulsion on his record.

Earth had schools for students his age. He could transfer to Earth and attend some high school with no accolades and live in a tent, since his parents would surely disown him once they heard about this.

His plans to relocate to Earth were quickly squashed when he left the office with no expulsion. He still felt numb inside, so he could not celebrate yet.

Kesh ordered Spock and Stonn to stay behind after class and clean all of the equipment until the end of the semester. Spock knew that logically, it could be worse, so he did not complain. Stonn also held his tongue as they mopped the floors and swept up the sand that had spilled from the bags. They did not look at each other. They did not speak to each other. They couldn’t. They wouldn’t.

Because Spock would be returning from classes later now that weeks prior, he could no longer drive the car there, as his family might need it. This day was taking quite the emotional toll on him.

He drove him and slammed the car door louder than intended. He then tried to go in and sneak up to his room without being detected. His parents were out, but he was forced to pass by Romar and Sanara in the living room. She had somehow convinced him to play kal-toh with her, and they looked up from their game as he entered.

“What happened to your face?” Sanara gasped.

“Mind your own business.” Spock snapped, before going upstairs.

“He does not need to be that way.” Sanara said.

“Leave him be. He is at a difficult age.”

For some reason, Romar’s words made Spock feel even worse. He was not at a difficult age, and he did not appreciate adults always insisting he was. Or, perhaps he was. But he did not appreciate adults implying his high hormonal level was something that bypassed his logic.

 Spock grabbed his music player and put on Jim’s voice as he laid in bed. He then thought to call Jim and hear his actual voice. He grabbed his PADD from his bag and saw messages from Jim waiting for him.

  * **Are you okay?**
  * **I just have this weird feeling you’re not?**
  * **Maybe I’m just being paranoid.**
  * **Ignore this.**
  * _May I call you?_
  * **Sure, bud!**



Spock called Jim and laid the PADD on his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. Stuck to the ceiling were plastic stars that glowed in the dark. Spock had tried to arrange them in constellations, but most of them had since fallen down.

He told Jim everything that happened, how he had disappointed his Trensu, and how he had not called off the match when Stonn cheated, and how he had been punished.

“I have… a mark on my permanent record. My record was perfect. My grades were perfect. Now… this. What am I going to tell father? How will I ever get into graduate school?”

“Dude, you have one mark. So, you cheated to get even with a cheater, that’s totally fair. And I know you _love_ him, but I think your Trensu was being a dumbass. If Stonn started it, he should get in trouble, not you.”

“But Trensu Kesh was only being fair.” Spock sighed. “It does not matter. It is already done. I have a mark, and now my parents will be…disappointed in me academically. I have never had that happen before.”

“Do you know how many marks _I_ have!?” Jim chuckled. “A lot. Mostly for skipping class, or texting in class, or offering to do people’s tests for money. It doesn’t really matter, though. As long as you have good grades, no one cares about that other stuff.”

“It is different on Vulcan.” Spock said. “Our academic institutions are more prestigious.”

“Then come to college on Earth!” Jim grinned. “We can dorm together. All your incense will cover the smell of my pot.”

“Pot?”

“You know, like weed.”

“You smoke cannabis?”

“Well, no. Never have, actually. But it’s what everyone does in college.”

“I see.” Spock said, though really he didn’t.

“You know, if I was you, I would have kicked the crap out of Stonn. Screw the rules.”

“Jim –“

“But, I know, you don’t wanna disappoint your precious Trensu, or whatever. So, why don’t you just wait for the rematch. If he tries something, nerve pinch him way harder than needed. Make sure he smacks his head on the ground.”

“Your illogically violent words are strangely making me feel better.” Maybe it was just Jim’s voice.

“That’s the idea.” He laughed. “Want me to start reading our next book to you? We’re only on chapter two, but we gotta pick up the pace if we’re gonna finish by spring break. It’s Lord of the Flies.”

“Proceed.” Spock nodded, letting Jim’s voice engulf him.

He fell asleep on the call, with Jim’s voice fading in and out of his dreams. At some point, Jim was there in his dream with him, speaking to him softly, telling him something very important, but Spock could not understand what it was.

 

It took Spock three weeks to regain Trensu Kesh’s approval. He won against all of his opponents, using the Ponn-ifla techniques they’d been learning. As soon as his classmates struck at him, Spock was able to turn their strikes back against them in only a few moves.

He finally understood what Trensu Kesh had meant when he said Spock’s height was an advantage. His long arms made quite the impact when he deflected Sek’s attack, the heel of his hand striking right in the center of his opponent’s chest, knocking him off balance so that he fell back onto the mat.

“Excellent.” Kesh said from the sidelines, and that gave Spock enough of an adrenaline rush to successfully drop down and pin him.

“Can you show me how to do that?” Sek asked when Spock let him up.

“Certainly.” Spock said, knocking back the illogical notion that teaching your opponent just made them more likely to beat you in the future.

“Now, I have important news.” Kesh said to the class as they all lined up. “Your examinations are coming up in two weeks’ time. For them, we will be holding a tournament. It will be held at the arena at the edge of the city.”

Spock knew that arena was built over the remains of a place their warrior ancestors once ripped their enemies apart.

“To fight logical where they once killed is a way to show how far our kind has come. All of you may invite your families and other classmates to watch the matches. You will each spar against one another, until you accumulate three loses, when you will then be removed from the roster. A win is worth one point, and a lose takes away a point. Your final score will be determined by not your final points, but your technique as well as many other factors.”

“So, we will get a chance to fight _everyone,_ then?” Stonn looked at Spock, and then past Spock’s shoulder at T’Pring.

“You will. I expect everyone to adhere to all of the rules of the course, or there will be severe consequences.”

T’Pring stayed behind after class to help Spock sweep the mats, while Stonn scrubbed the floors. Spock knew sonic dust collectors would get the job done in a fraction of the time, but the physical work was part of his punishment.

“Are you afraid Stonn will cheat again?” T’Pring asked as she held the dust pan for him.

“No. Not after last time. Not with Trensu Kesh there, along with all of our families watching.” Spock had logically thought this over.

“If he does, are you doing to cheat back? Or are you going to simply render him unconscious?”

“You ask as if you think I have not learned from my mistakes. I assure you, I have. I expect a fair match in two weeks. Nothing more.” He swept in the dustpan she was holding and she sneezed.

“Bless you.”

“Pardon?”

“It is customary on Earth to say bless you when someone sneezes.” Spock explained. “It comes from ancient Terrain beliefs that one’s soul escapes their body when they sneeze.”

“Just dust. Not my katra.” She stood up and dumped the dust into the waste basket. “Come, or we will miss the next train, or do you have to wait for Stonn?”

“No.” Spock said, after calculating that their workload was still even. The last thing he needed was something else to get him in trouble with Trensu Kesh.

That night, Spock told Jim all about the tournament. Like T’Pring, Jim made sure Spock was certain Stonn would not try anything again.

“You should not worry. He would never cheat on the equivalent to an exam.” Spock was eager to change the subject before Jim had the chance to express more concerns. “Would you like to read to me for a little while?”

“Eh, nah, dude. It’s spring break. That book is staying in my bag until I go back. Doing schoolwork on holidays is for nerds.”

“You…are on break?” Spock checked the calendar application on his PADD. “I am eager to find time to visit you, but I have classes and exams.”

“It’s cool. I get it. It’s always like this.” Jim sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was true that the lack of break in Vulcan curriculum at spring made it difficult to visit one another, but Spock had always made it work in the past.

“But I want to see you.”

“I wanna see you too, pal. Don’t sweat it. We can work something out. So, uh, you’re allowed to bring whoever you want to watch your tournament?”

“Yes. I imagine my parents and sister will want to attend.”

“Hmm.” Jim nodded, suppressing a smile. “Anyone else?”

“Romar?” Spock said after thinking for a moment.

“Maybe. But, uh, I better go. Something came up.” Jim gave him a small wave and hung up.

Spock spent the rest of the evening outside in the backyard practicing his moves and stretches. Spock would not let Stonn get the best of him this time. He would be victorious. He could not stop imagining how a certain someone would look when they were filled with admiration at Spock’s win.

Now he truly wished Jim could hear the news in person. He would be so excited that he might even hug Spock. Spock would not mind being hugged in front of people if that were the case. But alas.

Sunday evening, Spock was to babysit Sanara while his parents went out.  Sanara was firm that she did not need a babysitter, since she was not a baby. Since she claimed she did not need someone to watch her every move, Spock and T’Pring went up to his room to study while she played downstairs.

They were several chapters into their science work, with Spock even grabbing a pen and paper from his desk to draw out a diagram to better explain his theories, when there was a knock on the bedroom door. He could tell who it was based on how close to the floor the sound was.

“Go away, Sanara.” He did not look up from his work.

“Fine. I will just tell the person on the line for you that you do not want to talk to them.” She poked her head in and he could see the receiver pressed to her ear.

Spock knitted his brows together in confusion. The comm line was only ever used when people from the embassy wanted to call Sarek for something work related.  No one ever called for Spock. Still, Sanara was a Vulcan, and Vulcans did not lie. He took the comm from her.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dork, answer your PADD when I’m calling you!”

“Jim? I apologize. I did not realize you were attempting to contact me.” He reached towards his bag where his PADD had been all day.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve got you now. So, guess where I am.”

“Guess?”

“Yeah, guess where I am.”

Spock looked around his bedroom. Sanara had taken his distraction as an opportunity to come into his room completely. She was leaning over T’Pring’s shoulder and watching as T’Pring worked on their science homework.

“Home?” Spock ventured.

“No.” Jim said, and Spock could hear the smile in his voice.

“It will take quite a while to arrive at the correct answer if it can be assumed you are somewhere on Earth. Earth is quite large.”

“I’m… not on Earth.” He was holding back laughter now.

“Jim…” Spock felt his heartrate increase greatly.

“Look outside.”

 Spock opened his window and climbed onto the balcony. He peered down into his yard through the darkness. The back porchlight was enough to illuminate Jim’s light hair.

“Jim!”

“Hey, buddy.” Jim grinned up at him from down below, his comm to his ear. “Nice weather we’re having.”

T’Pring and Sanara came out to investigate and they stood on either side of him and looked down into the yard.

“The human.” T’Pring looked over at Spock. “I did not realize you were expecting company.”

“Hello.” Sanara called down.

“Hey, kid. Thanks for answering the comm. I only called a million times! So, can I come up, Spock, or are you expecting me to serenade you while I’m down here?”

“Come up.” Spock turned and went inside. He bolted down the stairs and unlocked the door.

Jim came in and wrapped his arms around Spock. Spock hugged him back eagerly, but in the light of the foyer, he could see something different about his human.

“Jim…your ears.”

“Cool, right? I just got them done yesterday. It barely even hurt.”

Spock held Jim at arm’s length and looked him over. Spock barely had an inch on him in height, but aside from that, his pierced ears were all Spock could focus on. The right one had one stud at the top and two hoops on the lobe. The left has a single hoop.

“They are…asymmetrical.” Spock said finally.

“Duh. That’s the look, Spock.”

“Oh, I see.” Truthfully, Spock thought it looked a bit disheveled. At the same time, it was also very appealing. It was strange that those opinions could coexist.

Spock looked over Jim completely now. He was wearing makeup around his eyes that was quite dark, thus making their light color pop. His clothes were also quite different from what Spock was used to seeing him in.

Instead of his usual comical t-shirts and hand-me-downs, he was wearing a shirt with an abstract design on the front that Spock recognized as an album cover. The same album was on the music player Jim had given him. He was also wearing an open button-down shirt made of green plaid flannel. Spock was glad Jim had taken the medicine to get his body used to Vulcan heat, or he would not be able to wear such a thing.

Spock tried to stop staring and picked up Jim’s bags before carrying them into the living room where T’Pring and Sanara were.

“Hi, baby.” Jim squatted down so he was eye-level with Sanara. “You’re so big. How old are you now? This many?” He held up five fingers.

“I am not a baby.” Sanara said factually. “I am a child. And yes, I am five years old.”

“Wow, so big.” He grinned. “Are you in kindergarten now?”

“I am in the pre-course level at school. It is much more advanced than a kindergarten class.”

“Do you take naps and finger paint?”

“Put my _hands_ in _paint?_ ” Her eyes widened. “Why would I do that? It sounds disgusting.”

Jim laughed and patted her head. He then looked up and noticed the other guest.

“Hey…T’Pring, right?”

“Jim Kirk.” She nodded in greeting. “I recall you visiting our class three years ago.”

“Yeah, you were the one who brought that cool rock, right?”

“A dilithium crystal is much more than a rock.”

“He is teasing you.” Spock explained.

“Oh. I am unaffected by it, but I suppose I appreciate your effort.” She turned to Spock. “Perhaps I should leave now.”

“No, no. If you guys are studying, I don’t wanna disturb you.” Jim said.

“You are not disturbing me.” Spock assured him.

“But I know you have classes and stuff, so that’s why I came to visit you. You can still do all your school work, and we can just hang out when you have the free time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll just play with Sanara.” He crouched down to her height once more. “Wanna play?”

“You will play with me?” She asked hopefully. “Kal-toh?”

“I’m not sure what that is, but okay.” He grinned.

“It is very easy, as long as you have a logical mind.”

“Oh, this ought to be good, then.”

 Sanara and Jim sat on the floor of the living room and played the game while Spock and T’Pring studied at the coffee table. Several chapters in, Spock and T’Pring seemed to have mastered their work, and took a small break. Sanara was hungry, so Spock made her some dinner and left her at the table to eat as they all went up to Spock’s room.

“Hey, you still have the ipod I gave you.” Jim picked it up off the nightstand.

“He is always listening to something, but he will never tell me what it is.” T’Pring said.

“You would not like it.” Spock said quickly. “It is…human music.”

“Sure she would.” Jim put the headphones on and scrolled through the songs. He then passed the headphones to T’Pring  and she put them on.

“…Loud.” She said after a moment.

“It’s what humans like. It’s punk rock.” Jim explained.

“Is it?” She lowered the headphones and looked at Spock.

“I barely understand what punk rock is, but I believe it is something like that.”

“Spock likes it, don’t you?” Jim grinned at him.

“Some of it is…soothing.” Not the loud ones, though.

She picked up the music player and scrolled through the songs. After listening to one for a moment, she looked up at Jim.

“This is you singing?”

Jim’s face paled, and Spock was sure he had a similar reaction.

“Do not listen to that.” He said, just as Jim reached for the music player. She took off the headphones and looked at them strangely.

“Why not?”

“It is…personal.” Spock said.

“Private.” Jim agreed.

“Alright.” She placed the headphones back on the table.

“Well, when I was at the mall yesterday getting stuff for the trip, after I got my ears done, they were having a sale on all this makeup. You know the ride to Vulcan takes a million hours, so there was plenty of time for me to watch some tutorial vids on how to do a punk look.”

Jim took a small case out of one of his bags and dumped it on the bed. Spock examined the contents and noticed Jim apparently favored dark colors as well as neon.

“Pink is punk?” T’Pring picked up a nail polish.

“Sure. Why not.” Jim smiled. “Want me to do your nails?”

“Not necessary. I can do them both myself, as I am ambidextrous. If you do mind?”

“No, go ahead and use whatever you want.” Jim looked at Spock. “Can I do your eyebrows?”

“Do what to my eyebrows?”

“You know, shape them. I have pencils, and eyeshadow too. Please, I really wanna do Vulcan eyebrows.” Jim batted his eyes at Spock, and Spock felt his face color slightly.

“Alright.”

“Yay!” Jim grabbed a pencil from the pile on the bed. “Okay, close your eyes.”

Spock did so, feeling his pulse quicken as he felt Jim lean closer. The pencil touched his face for just a second before Jim pulled back.

“Woah.”

“What?” Spock opened his eyes.

“Nothing, it’s just…I just noticed your teeth, that’s all.”

“They have grown in completely.” Spock nodded.

“Sharp.” Jim whispered, his face coloring slightly.

Spock closed his eyes again and Jim got to work. As Jim did his makeup and T’Pring painted her nails, it occurred to Spock that this was a lot like the experiences of teenagers on Earth that Spock had seen in movies he’d watched with Jim. Perhaps this would be an important moment in his research on human emotional development.

“Done.” Jim pulled back and Spock noticed Jim had managed not to let any part of his hand touch Spock’s face.

“Very nice.” T’Pring looked up at him and nodded.

Spock stood up and went to his dresser and looked in the mirror. It was very surprising. His eyebrows were darker and his eyelids were purple. There was also slight pink in his cheeks.

“Sorry, I don’t have Vulcan colors. I should get some while I’m here.” Jim said.

“It looks…nice.”

“Right, you look…good.” Jim’s eyes darted over to T’Pring, but she did not seem to notice. Spock wondered if Jim would have said something else if she had not been here.

When Spock sat back down on the bed, Jim put his arm around him and took a picture of the two of them with his PADD. He then sent it to Spock’s PADD, which chimed across the room.

“Now you can make it your background too.” He said.

After a while, their conversation steered towards the upcoming tournament exam in martial arts class. Jim expressed that one of his main intentions when coming to Vulcan was to watch Spock compete.

“I just wanna see you kick Stonn’s ass, finally.” Jim said.

“Metaphorically, I hope.” Spock studied his reflection in the screen of his PADD as he carefully took off the makeup with tissues.

“I also wish to see you be victorious.” T’Pring said. “I am sure Trensu Kesh will also be very proud.”

“Oh yeah.” Jim grinned. “I bet you can’t wait to impress that guy… and get a congratulatory handshake.”

“Cease your teasing.” Spock scrubbed the pink off of his cheeks, revealing a bright green tinge underneath.

“Oh, he is referring to what we agreed?” T’Pring asked. “About Trensu Kesh being handsome?”

“ _You_ said that!?” Jim burst into laughter. “I knew it. I always knew you liked him!”

“Jim… you are being… a jerk.” Spock said, gritting his teeth.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He was still laughing, falling back against pillows. “It’s just so funny and cute when you get so mad.”

“I do not understand.” T’Pring looked between them. “Why are you laughing? Why is it amusing? If you are going to be emotional about the situation, should you not feel jealousy? Or is this your way of purging jealousy?”

“Jealous?” Jim sat up, his face slowly reddening. “W-Why would I be jealous?”

“Are you two not betrothed? As illogical as it is, I admit I would feel some jealousy if my intended expressed attraction towards someone else.”

“What makes you think Spock and I are betrothed?”

“That is what you told our class when you visited us three years ago.”

“Oh.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled nervously. “Yeah, I guess I did say that.”

“Do not be jealous, Jim. I only admire Trensu Kesh as an instructor.”

“Right. I know.” His face was still red and he did not meet Spock’s eye. “I was just teasing you.”

“Perhaps I should go now.” T’Pring picked up her bag. “Thank you for letting me use your nail polish, and thank you for studying with me, Spock. I look forward to see our results on this week’s exam.”

Spock nodded and Jim gave her a small wave. When she was gone, Jim began cleaning up all of his makeup and shoving it back in his bag.

“Sorry. I know you say Vulcans don’t get embarrassed, but I’m still sorry she brought that up.”

“Why?” Spock blinked in confusion.

“Uh, never mind. I guess it doesn’t matter what they think. I’m gonna go wash up. I’ve still got ship smell all over me.”

Spock supposed that Jim could be sorry that their relationship was known to other Vulcans, but Spock had long since made his peace with that. After all, it had been sort of cute when Jim blurted it to the class and after this long, it did not seem to affect his standing with his parents or the majority of his classmates.

Spock made sure Sanara was tucked into bed before he went back upstairs and found Jim’s bags were gone. He found them with Jim down the hall in the guest room. This room had not been occupied in some time, but always bore clean white sheets and curtains as if Amanda was always keeping it ready for guests.

The last guests they had had been Vulcan cousins of Sarek’s coming to see Sanara when she was first born. Spock had never thought to ask Jim to stay in here.

“Are you alright?” Spock asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jim looked up from where he was shoving the contents of his bag into the dresser. “It’s just, I know you have school and stuff, so you’re gonna wake up way before me. It’s just easier if I sleep in here. I also stay up way later than you, and I don’t wanna disturb you.”

“You would not be disturbing me.” Spock assured him, but at the same time, Jim’s logic was sound. “But I understand. I will be leaving for school early tomorrow, and I will make sure you have everything you need.”

“Aw, thanks.” He laid back on top of the sheets.

“You are my guest, I have to take care of you.” Spock approached the bed and placed his hand on Jim’s head. Jim looked up at him in surprise, before smiling at him gratefully.

“Do you remember when you used to rub my feet when we were kids?”

“Yes. Would you like for me do that now?”

“No.” Jim quickly pulled his feet up onto the bed. “I was just remembering…that’s all.”

“Do you need anything else? Water? Extra blankets?” Spock felt odd, for some reason, about leaving Jim alone.

“No, thanks.”

Spock got them anyways, placing a glass of water on the bedside table and draping the extra blanket across the foot of the bed.

“You should be alright now.” He patted Jim’s head.

Spock left Jim alone in the guest room, before going to get ready for bed. He took a bath, thinking about how there was no feasible way they could share a bath now, but as he laid in bed afterwards, he was sure that with a little squeezing, they could still both fit.

He waited for a while to fall asleep, half expecting Jim to crawl into his bed sometime in the night, but it never happened. It was strange to know Jim was in the house somewhere but not in his bed.

He did not sleep soundly that night.

 

Spock had to leave for school before Jim was awake. He could not neglect his work to check on Jim, so he did not find out how he was until he was able to message him at lunch time.

  * _How are you?_
  * **Great! I didn’t want your mom to have to cook for me, so I went into town and got my own food.**
  * **This nice café by your house.**
  * _I go there frequently as well._
  * **What’s your favorite thing? Just asking in case I wanna try it.**
  * _The lavender in the lavender tea is grown on Earth. I find the flavor pleasant._



Spock did not see Jim’s response, as the bell then rang for class. Spock went back to his classroom and focused on his lectures. The only sign that Spock had missed some sleep was he found himself suppressing the urge to yawn.

“Jim?”

After school, Spock found Jim waiting for him by the front campus gate.

“Hey, I missed you and I thought you might wanna walk home together.” Jim handed him a cup from the café.

“Lavender?” Spock took it and immediately recognized the scent.

“I decided to try it, and nah. Tastes like soap to me. I saved it for you, though.”

“Thank you.” Spock took a sip and noticed Jim’s face growing red again. “Are you feeling alright? Is the heat or thin atmosphere affecting you?”

“No, I’m okay. I got my shots before I came here.”

While they waited for Sanara’s class to let out, Spock asked Jim more about what he did that day while Spock was at school.

“Just walked around the city. I saw some cool museums and stuff, we should visit some sometime.”

“Yes.” Spock was quite the fan of the museum. Its historical portions were very old and full of knowledge, but his favorite was the extensive science section. He went almost as soon as there was a new exhibit.

As always, when close with Jim, Spock wanted to hold his hand, but he knew doing such a thing around so many Vulcans around was not a good idea. Instead, he just wrapped both hands around his cup and sipped his tea.

They looked to see the school yard flooding with the youngest Vulcans at school, all wearing the light grey robes of the first two course levels. It was hard to spot Sanara among so many little ones, but he soon spotted her coming towards them.

“Hello.”

“Hi, baby. How was school?” Jim crouched down when he talked to her.

“Quite educational.” She nodded, and they started walking home.

“Do you get gold star stickers on your work?” Jim asked with a smirk.

“We do not need such juvenile encouragements. Though, I did receive high marks in my art and music appreciation class for something I will show you.”

She reached into her bag and took out a crayon drawing. Spock noticed  it was a lot better than the art he always made in school.

“See? This is our family. That is me, and that is you, Sa-kai, and Jim is there too.”

“How come I only have one hand?” Jim asked.

“You are holding hands with Spock, see?” She pointed to where their hands were joined.

“Sanara, why would you draw such a thing?” Spock blushed. He enjoyed holding hands with Jim in private, but it was not very Vulcan, and not something Sanara should show her teacher.

“Because you are always holding hands, and I wanted it to be accurate.” She put the picture back in her bag.

“Kinda cute.” Jim chuckled.

Spock nodded in agreement. If Sanara’s teacher had given her high marks, then perhaps they did not notice that part. Spock had to be proud of her, considering appreciating art and music was important in Vulcan culture. Apparently Amanda was also very proud, since she taped it to the refrigerator when they got home.

“If you’ve still got homework, I can hang out in my room for a while.” Jim said after dinner.

“I am finished for now, I look forward to spending time with you.”

They played chess in Spock’s room for a while. Spock had missed playing a tactile version, rather than the electronic version. The most exciting part was not that they were equally matched and Spock had a chance to win, but that there were moments where their hands touched on the board, and their eyes would meet.

Jim would always pull his hand back and quickly look away, but then Spock would see him smile. Spock was smiling the whole time on the inside.

Spock was surprised to find Jim waiting for him after school with lavender tea the next day, too. Spock understood that this was quite an act of kindness for Jim to pick something up for him two days in a row. Jim was not without his own drink this time.

“Vulcan mocha doesn’t really taste like chocolate, but it’s pretty good. I like the caffeine.”

“It is not chocolate in the Terran sense. Vulcans cannot have chocolate.”

“Really? I thought you just didn’t like it?”

“We will get sick if we eat it.”

“Good thing I don’t really like it either.”

Jim reached over and touched Spock’s hand for a brief second before Sanara met up with them and they walked home. Spock found himself longing to be alone so they could hold hands again, but when they got there, Jim just told him to let him know when he finished his homework and they could hang out.

Spock knew Jim was being logical, as his studies were important, but he found it significantly harder to concentrate, making it take longer to finish.

“I see you brought your guitar.” Spock eyed the case in Jim’s room. “Will you play something for me?”

“I dunno… honestly, I get nervous.” He looked away.

“You were not nervous recording yourself playing?”

“That was different. When you listen to it, you can’t see me.”

“Would it help if I turned around?” Spock turned to face the wall.

“Are you trying to be funny?” Jim laughed.

“Never.”

“Well, okay then.”

Spock heard him open the case and after a moment, he played a bit of music. Spock closed his eyes, picturing Jim sitting on the bed just behind him. He always looked so beautiful when he was focusing on his music, and his knew jewelry and makeup only accented Spock’s appreciation of his beauty, despite the fact that it was supposed to emulate those with rebellious lifestyles.

“There, okay. I think it’s out of tune anyways.”

“It sounded perfect to me.” Spock turned around. “I would like to play something for you too. You do not have to turn around.”

In Spock’s room, he took out his lute and sat on his bed. He made sure to polish the wooden base every two weeks, but he had not tuned it or played it in a few months.

Jim seemed to lose his shyness and he draped across the bed on his stomach, leaning up on his elbows with his chin in hands.

“Hey, this is weird.”

“Pardon?” Spock looked up from tuning.

“It’s just like that dream I had. I guess it was my brain’s way of saying I really wanted to hang out with you.”

As Spock played a few soft easy songs to warm-up, he thought about that faint mental connection they had. Could Jim’s dream be a product of that, or did a human’s emotions make them naturally more adept at creating realistic dreams.

“Vulcan dreams are not at all that way. They are mostly shapes, sounds, and physical presence. Hardly any feelings.”

At least, that was how full Vulcans described their dreams to him in the past. Spock’s were sometimes quite different. Loud, colorful, full of sensations and even emotions. He knew it had to be a product of human biology, since Sanara seemed to be the same way. He remembered when she was smaller, she used to cry after bad dreams. Full Vulcans did not have nightmares.

“Do you take requests?” Jim asked.

“Do you have a request? I will try my best to play whatever you like.”

“Play whatever _you_ like best. Whatever’s your favorite.”

Spock thought for a moment, closing his eyes. He used to admire Ravanok, a Vulcan who composed over one-thousand pieces for the lute. Though, these days his music choices were not very Vulcan. That started because he enjoyed listening to Jim’s voice. He now could not separate his enjoyment of Jim’s voice from the enjoyment of the song itself, so that is what he played.

“Hey, my favorite too.” Jim closed his eyes and rolled over onto his back.

Spock did not think of himself as a singer, but it was hard to not at least whisper the words he had memorized so easily. It just did not sound right without them.

The next afternoon, Spock and Jim visited the café together after school. Sanara had asked to come with them, and Spock felt bad about refusing. He recalled the way Jim’s older brother would leave Jim behind and say that he was too young to go do whatever it was. Spock did not want to make Sanara feel that way, so he let her come too. Jim did not seem to mind.

Sanara sat at her own table, claiming she wanted to assert her independence. Spock was secretly glad that he got to sit alone with Jim.  

They all sipped their tea, and Spock looked down to notice that Jim’s hand was inches from his on the table. It was not necessarily wrong to touch hands in public, as long as they were not blatantly doing so in view of others.

Spock glanced over at the table to their left. Two Vulcan women were sipping tea and seemed to be in deep conversation. Over at their right, Sanara seemed to be deeply involved with removing all of the blueberries from her scone and eating them separately.

He carefully reached over and brushed the side of his hand against Jim’s. Jim smiled and met Spock’s eyes. Spock then felt the toe of Jim’s canvas sneaker rest on top of his own foot. Red Vulcan dust was likely getting all over Spock’s school shoes and robes from Jim’s sneakers, but Spock did not mind. Despite being in public, he returned Jim’s smile.

When their waiter returned to take Sanara’s plain scone, Jim quickly pulled his hand away and started drinking his tea. Spock knew Jim was only thinking of their public image, and it was most logical. What would Vulcans say if they knew the son of Sarek was doing public displays of affection with a human all over the city?

Still, it hurt him when Jim pulled back.

Thursday evening, Spock did not finish his homework until the sun was setting. He went out back and found Jim sitting on the back patio just outside the door, his bare feet resting in the sand.

“My tournament is coming up very soon.” Spock said. “Would you like to train with me?”

“Train with you? You mean you’ll show me some moves? Sounds cool.” He stood up and brushed the dust off his pants.

Spock took off his shoes and placed them by the back door before gesturing for Jim to follow him to an empty part of the yard.

“Now, first we stretch.”

“Special stretches?”

“Yes. Follow my lead.”

Spock placed his hands together like in prayer and faced his elbows out at each direction. Jim copied him. Spock then lifted his right leg and placed the bottom of his foot against the side of his knee.

“Kinda hard not to fall over.” Jim wobbled slightly.

“It gets easier with practice.”

Spock placed his hands down on the ground, and with great effort, was able to stand completely on his hands with his toes pointed straight up.

“Woah!”

Jim tried to copy him, but his feet kept falling back to the ground. Spock then look a few steadying breaths and removed one of his hands, balancing all of his weight on one hand and holding the other arm out at a right angle.

“Okay, now you’re just showing off.”

“I am not.” Spock suppressed a smirk. “I could show you how to do this.”

“Really?”

“The main focus is shifting the weight of your legs directly above your body, keeping you balanced.” Spock got to his feet and stood behind Jim. He reached out and placed his hands on Jim’s hips. “Try…”

“Woah! What are you doing!?” Jim jumped away from him.

“I was only helping you.” Spock innocently held up his hands.

“Well, don’t. I can’t do it. The Vulcan gravity is messing me up. Maybe I’ll try some other time on Earth.”

Spock wondered if there was more than the gravity of Vulcan that was shortening Jim’s temper. Perhaps the heat was finally getting to him. Spock did not know why he insisted on wearing flannel shirts over his t-shirts. Even with the buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up, it had to be quite warm for him.

It showed in the sweat on his hairline and in the intense redness in his face. Spock went inside and brought Jim a glass of cold water. Jim gave him a grateful look before sitting back on the patio to drink it.

Spock practiced his moves alone, but he was aware of Jim watching him the entire time. Humans might get nervous with someone watching them, but it actually made Spock feel better, especially when Jim kept cheering for him.

Friday afternoon, they went to the museum with Sanara in tow. As usual, Spock and Jim had to take turns picking her up so she could see the exhibits. With Jim walking beside him, Spock of course had the urge to hold his hand, but he resisted that urge by keeping his hands busy by marking off each exhibit they saw off on the program with a little yellow pencil.

“I really liked that model of the city on T'Kuht.” Jim said as they boarded the train home.  “I didn’t even know Vulcan had a sister planet.”

“It is mostly inhabited by scientists and Vulcans wanting to experience colder climate.” Though it was not colder by much.

“I can’t believe they let you touch the stuff and take pictures.” He reached for the pole to steady himself, and Sanara wrapped herself around Spock’s leg to do the same.

“Why would you not be able to? As long as you are careful, touch and sight are both important for education.”

“You can’t touch stuff on museums on Earth. I guess too many people break stuff, and pictures are out of the question.”

“Illogical.”

Spock looked to where Jim’s hand was free by his side. They were relatively unnoticed back here in the near-empty train, but just as Spock reached over, Jim took out his PADD and began looking over the photos he’d taken in the museum. Spock put his hand behind his back and tried not to feel dejected.

Saturday was usually the day of clubs and extracurricular activities at Spock’s school, but today’s sparring class was not meeting, and everyone was left to prep for the tournament on their own. Spock stood out in the backyard and trained, stretching and practicing his moves while Jim watched.

“So, you could actually really beat someone up if you wanted to.”

“No. If I were truly attacked, I would subdue them in another way.”

“What way?”

“The neck pinch.” Spock practiced his jump kick and was able to leap several feet across the yard. “I assure you, if someone were trying to hurt us, I would be able to protect you.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No. The subject is knocked unconscious for an hour or so, but they are unharmed.”

“Oh. I was gonna ask if you’d… demonstrate, but not if I’m gonna be knocked out for an hour.”

“There is a way to bring you back to full consciousness within seconds.” Spock said, thinking of what Trensu Kesh had showed them, though he was unsure he could replicate it.

“Do it!” Jim grinned and jumped up before approaching him. “Come on, I wanna see what it’s like.”

“Are you certain?”

“It’s not gonna hurt me, so why not?”

“Alright.”

Spock stepped forward so that there was barely a foot between them. Jim was still wearing his flannel shirt over his t-shirt, and when Spock put his hand out, he reached under the collar of both his shirts and touched his hand to the spot between Jim’s neck and shoulder. Jim met his eyes with some sort of emotion Spock could not read, though his telepathy told him Jim was nervous.

“This will not hurt.” Spock administered the pinch.

Jim’s eyes closed and his body fell limp. Spock stepped forward and caught  Jim. His entire weight was still not very heavy. He leaned down and carefully lowered Jim and himself to the ground. He managed to sit with Jim’s upper body in his lap.

He took a moment to watch Jim’s unconscious form. His chest rose and fell and the warm Vulcan breeze ruffled his golden hair he was so beautiful. Spock looked down at Jim’s hand resting in the sand. It would be so easy to take it now. Jim could not pull away this time. It would be just like when they were children. Spock reached out and then pulled back.

No. It was wrong –disgusting of him to try and hold Jim’s hand when he could not consent. Ashamed of himself, Spock quickly placed his hand on the opposite side of Jim’s neck and tried to rouse him the same way Trensu Kesh did.

Slowly, Jim’s eyes opened and he sat up, seemingly unaware that he had just been in Spock’s lap.

“How do you feel?” Spock asked.

“Fine.” He smiled. “I don’t feel like I was just out. How long was it?”

“Mere seconds.” Spock quickly assured him.

“Cool. But…ah. I think I got sand on my favorite shirt.” He stood up and tugged off his flannel before shaking it out over the ground.

“After training, we usually drink water, but I think I would like something sweeter. Will you have some pla-savas juice with me?”

“Sounds good to me.” Jim grinned.

Later that afternoon, Spock began to think of something else he could do with Jim. Saturday evenings were a time when Vulcans went out and enjoyed one another’s company in public. Spock knew his parent’s did often, but he was never sure what they went out and did.

“Where is somewhere I can take Jim tonight? I wish to go out with him.” Spock asked for his mother’s advice as they washed the dishes from lunch. Spock had made sure Jim was all the way in the guest room before breaching the subject with someone.

“Why don’t you take him to the Insight.” Amanda suggested. “They have Vulcan food, but spiced up for offworld palates. Your father used to take me there when we first got married.”

“I have not been there, but I do know where it is. Maybe he would like that.”

“Oh, and you know what me and your father still do, that we started doing when we first got married? Going to the opera!”

“The opera?” Spock knitted his brows together. “Well…Jim does enjoy music, and theater is significant in Vulcan culture.”

“I’ll admit I wasn’t too sure about it when your father first took me, but now I even own some Vulcan opera soundtracks and even check the show schedules to see what’s playing. I think this month is _Zul-storaya.”_

Spock knew that play well, but had never seen it preformed, and certainly not with music. As if attempting one last time to convince him, Amanda smirked.

“There’s a scene where they dance with swords.”

“You think I would enjoy watching them dance with swords?”

“Jim might.”

“True.”

 

“The opera?” Jim looked over from where he was sitting on the bed watching something on his PADD. “Like with Italian singing?”

“They would not be singing in Italian.” Spock said. “But in Vulcan.”

“Oh. Sounds kinda…”

“They dance with swords.”

“Okay.” Jim laughed. “I can tell you really wanna go, so I’d be honored to attend with you.”

“Very well. I will get ready.”

Spock quickly went to find his best robes. He took a bath and applied some sort of product to his hair that was supposed to make it shinier, but all it really did was make his bangs stand up.

“You look odd.” Sanara peaked in from the hallway.

“Please do not disturb me.” Spock did not look away from the mirror where he was trying to flatten his hair with a comb.

“Why are you and Jim getting ready to leave?”

“Because  we are going out.”

“May I come?”

“No.”

When Spock was finally satisfied with his hair, he looked over at her. Her eyebrows were knitted together as if she did not quite understand being refused something.

“That is not…fair.” She said finally.

“Yes it is. This is just for me and Jim. We want to be alone.”

“But why?”

“Because.”

“But _why?”_   She asked again.

  
“You will understand when you are older.” Spock walked around her and went back into his bedroom.

He found his favorite all black robes with the silver neck and chest designs. He had not worn them in some time, but had luckily got them adjusted recently for his height.

He looked at himself in his dresser mirror, wearing his dressing gown and holding his nice robes. He needed something else. What would Jim like?

Ah. He knew. He grabbed his PADD and went into his parent’s room to use their bathroom. Usually, he was not allowed in there, but this time he figured it would be okay. They had things he needed.

In their bathroom, Spock rummaged along the sink for his parent’s makeup box, and noticed a small golden bottle. Cologne. 

“Hmm.” He opened the bottle and sniffed the contents. It smelled very nice. He sprayed some into his palm and applied it to his neck.

He then found the makeup and propped his PADD up against the mirror. Jim was right. There were quite a lot of video tutorials on how to apply makeup. He even found some by Vulcans for Vulcans.

As he was leaning close to the mirror applying green to his cheeks, he heard his parents enter the bedroom. He was just about to call out and ask their opinion on his makeup, when he heard his name.

“Sanara said Spock and Jim are going out somewhere.” Sarek said.

“They are. I gave them the idea to see the opera tonight. I’m just in here looking for my PADD so I can send Spock our special tickets. You won’t mind if we let them use our booth?”

“Not at all, though I find it odd that you would suggest such a thing for them.”

“I just think they need culture, that’s all.”

“Hm.” Sarek was silent. “Wait a moment. When we attended the opera for the first time… was that not one of the first times that we… kissed on the mouth?”

“Was it? Oh, of course I didn’t suggest this with that in mind.” She laughed unconvincingly. “But now that you mention it, the opera is quite romantic, don’t you think?”

“If you say so, ashayam.”

“Oh. Found it.” She said, before Spock heard their voices leave the room and their footsteps disappear down the hallway.

Spock quickly turned off his PADD and slowly opened the bathroom door. He made sure the coast was clear before darting back to his own room.

The last time he and Jim had kissed on the mouth they had been ten years old. It was Jim’s way of saying congratulations to Spock after he had successfully ridden Jim’s skateboard without falling over.

Spock had not really missed the gesture, only because it was so unfamiliar to him. But it was fascinating. Could he count on Jim kissing him tonight at the opera? Perhaps he would just attempt to hold hands again. After all, the balcony booth would be relatively private.

Spock finally went down the hallway to Jim’s room and knocked on the door.

“Hold on. I’m not ready yet.”

“Alright. I will come back later.”

“Okay, _now_ I’m ready.” Jim opened the door.

Spock immediately felt himself blush as he observed how handsome Jim looked. He was not wearing his usual heavy makeup, and he had taken his earrings out.

Instead, he was wearing a soft-looking light blue button down shirt and jeans without holes in the knees. He also looked as if he had put some sort of product in his hair as well, as it now looked very soft. Spock resisted the urge to touch it.

“Wow, you look awesome.” Jim said, a slight tinge to his cheeks as well.

“You also look very nice.” Spock said, wishing there was a word in Standard or Vulcan to describe such beauty. “Let us go.”

“Okay.”

“First we are having dinner at the Insight.” Spock said as they started down the street.

“Hey, I read about that place. That’s where tourists  go. I hear the foods good for Humans.”

“Then we should both enjoy it.”

They boarded the train and Spock was even more aware of Jim’s beauty as they stood close to each other. All other times they’d taken the train, Sanara had been with them, but now, they were alone. Spock looked down at Jim’s hand.

“So, what show are we seeing it? I don’t know anything about Vulcan opera.”

“ _Zul-storaya.”_ Spock looked up from Jim’s hand to look him in the eye. “It is the story of ancient Vulcan lovers torn apart by their feuding clans.”

“Ha, a rip off of Shakespeare?” Jim grinned.

“Certainly not. Xon was a much more talented playwright than William Shakespeare.”

“Well, I’m sure I’ll like both.” Jim said as the train stopped.

The Insight’s menu was full of things Spock had eaten serval times before, but he was sure their recipe varied for the human palate.

“What’s _balk'ra?”_ Jim asked their waiter, who narrowed his eyes at Jim’s butchering of the pronunciation.

“It is like casserole.” Spock explained.

“Eh. Nah. Okay, what’s kli… uh…” Jim narrowed his eyes before just turning his menu to show Spock the item.

“ _Klitanta s'mun t'forati_.” Spock said. “It is vegetables with sauce.”

“Will you be placing an order at this time, or should I wait for you to examine the entire menu?” There was a unpleasant tone in the waiter’s voice, and Spock did not care for it.

“You may take our drink orders now. I will have a Hivas shake.” Spock said.

“And your…companion?”

“You guys don’t have soda, do you?” Jim asked.

“We have carbonated _savas-masu_.” The waiter said. Jim gave Spock a look as if to say _what the hell is that?_

“Fruit juice.” Spock nodded at the waiter. “We will have one.”

“That guy was sort of rude.” Jim said in a low voice after the waiter left.

“Yes. You would think that an establishment that catered to tourist would be more understanding of someone being unfamiliar with the menu.”

“How many people here do you think are tourists?” Jim asked, glancing around.

“I assume he is.” Spock nodded to across the room where an Andorian was eating alone.

“Woah.” Jim grinned. “And those guys.”

Spock turned to see an two human males in Starfleet uniforms sharing a single bowl of soup by passing the spoon back and forth. They were leaned over the table, with their faces barely inches apart, and they were touching their shoes under the table like Jim had once done to him.

“Quite an uncouth display.” Spock remarked.

“You can say that again.” Jim chuckled.

“Quite an uncouth display!” Spock raised his voice and the two males jumped apart and slumped down in their seats. Jim had to duck behind his menu to hide his laughter.

Jim finally settled on ordering some pasta, and as usual, Spock had plomeek soup. He carefully tried to determine if this soup was better than his mother’s, but he was now convinced no soup was better than his mother’s.

They then decided to walk the few blocks to the theater. The sun was almost completely set, and the street was illuminated by sleek light poles.

“I like this place.” Jim said.

“This is our cultural district.” Spock nodded. “You can purchase clothes here from all over Vulcan. Like here.”

They stopped in front of a shop with multi-colored robes in the windows. Spock also saw a shawl of imitation sehlat fur. Jim seemed enamored, and Spock hoped he did not plan on buying it.

“Wait right here.”

“Jim –“

“I’ll be just a sec!” He went in and Spock eyed the shawl to see if the shopkeeper took it from the window. A few moments later, Jim emerged with something wrapped in paper.

“You purchased something?”

“For you.” Jim held it out.

“I…cannot accept this.” Spock was momentarily stunned.

“Sure you can! I just want you to have it, okay?”

“Thank you.” Spock unwrapped a soft green plaid scarf. He suppressed a smile as he wrapped it around his neck.

“I just wanted to do something for you, since you’re being so nice tonight.” Jim kept his eyes down as they walked, but Spock could see faint red on his cheeks. Spock hoped his own blush was hidden by the scarf.

At the theater, Spock purchased two tickets, and then showed the usher Sarek’s booth pass on his PADD. The usher nodded and led them through a hallway and then up carpeted stairs.

“Fancy.” Jim whispered.

The booth was high above the stage, and Spock stood at the balcony rail and looked down at the sea of Vulcans in the crowd. He noticed the two Human Starfleet officers from the restaurant down below in the front row, and pointed them out to Jim.

“Ha. Ten credits says they start making out within the first act.”

“No. I am sure they are here on an important mission.” Spock said. Why else would they still be in uniform?

The two plush seats in the booth were separated only by an armrest. They sat down and Spock placed his arm on the rest as a signal to Jim that it would be alright if he took his hand. Jim did not seem to notice.

“Oh, look at this.” Jim tapped the screen extending from the other armrest. It allowed you to zoom in on the stage at any part. An advanced form of opera glasses.

After a moment, the lights dimmed and the curtains parted on stage. The backdrops were fantastically painted Vulcan peaks, and the set pieces were quite nice as well. A beautiful Vulcan woman took stage and began to monologue. She was soon joined by a man.

“I can’t understand anything they’re saying.” Jim leaned over and whispered.

“Here.” Spock took one of the universal translators from the compartment on his seat and clipped it to Jim’s lapel. Jim smiled at him gratefully.

A while in, a waiter came into their booth and offered them crackers with vegetable spread from a tray. Spock took one and Jim took several. The waiter then returned with sweet biscuits. Again, Spock took one and Jim took the rest of the entire tray.

“Wow.” Jim’s eyes widened as the Vulcan clans on stage began arguing. Spock knew war was coming for them, but Jim just seemed surprised they that were being so callous with each other. Modern Vulcans did not act this way at all.

The waiter came back in, this time with cups of green Vulcan port on his tray. Spock was indifferent to the drink, but he understood it was supposedly sophisticated, so he took  a glass. Jim took one as well.

“This stuff smells good.” Jim whispered. They had nearly finished their glasses when Jim leaned over towards Spock’s ear. “You smell good too.”

Spock felt every hair on the back of his neck stand up as Jim’s breath brushed against his ear. Spock tried to keep the color from spreading to his face as the waiter came back once more to refill their glasses.

Just as war erupted beautifully on stage, Spock felt Jim lean over and rest his head on Spock’s shoulder. Emotion seemed to well up inside him as Jim finally reached between them and grabbed Spock’s hand. He intertwined their fingers and pressed their palms together, and Spock’s heart began to beat so fast he was sure it was audible.

This was what he had always wanted, but it did not feel right. Something seemed odd. Jim’s eyes kept sliding shut, and his head kept nearly rolling off of Spock’s shoulder.

“Jim? Are you alright?”

“’M fine…” His words were slurred. “Actually… don’t feel so good…”

“Jim?” Spock turned in his seat and looked at Jim. “Are you sick?”

“Prolly…” He seemed worried, but then began to laugh loudly. “God, I’m fucking this up, right?”

“Let me take you to the restroom.” Spock stood up and tried to pull Jim to his feet, but Jim was not steady and crashed his whole weight onto Spock. Spock swayed only slightly before putting his arm around Jim and leading him towards the exit to their booth.

“Ugh… Spock…” Jim kept wiggling, making it very hard for Spock to keep hold of him. After a few more wobbly steps, Jim pulled away from Spock. He nearly fell before Spock caught him again and nearly carried him down the stairs.

“Sir.”

Down in the hallway, Spock called to the usher at the other end. He must have noticed Jim’s conditioned, because he rushed over.

“Sir, my friend is very sick.”

“I will call a car for you. Come with me.”

“Jim, you are going to be alright.” Spock assured him as they entered the theater lobby.

“Wait here.” The usher went into another room.

There was a chair in the lobby and Spock tried to lead Jim towards it, when suddenly, Jim collapsed. Spock caught him before he hit the floor, but he was unresponsive.

“Jim? Jim?” Spock lowered Jim to the floor. “Oh no.”

Spock looked around for someone, anyone, who could help, but the lobby was empty and the usher had not yet returned.

Suddenly, the restroom doors at the other end of the lobby opened and the two Human officers emerged. Spock noticed one of the wore blue, and he narrowed his eyes at the insignia until he was sure it bore the cross for medical.

“Please, help me!” Spock called to them. “Help!”

“Woah, what’s going on?” The one in blue rushed  over, and his friend in red followed.

“My friend, something is wrong with him. He just collapsed.” Spock tried to explain, but he could feel emotion taking over his body. His heart was racing, and his hands were shaking as he touched Jim’s face.

“Grab his legs.” The man in blue ordered his friend. “Put him over there.”

They managed to lay Jim on one of the sofas in the lobby. It occurred to Spock that he could have easily done that himself, but he was not thinking clearly.

The man in blue took out a small flashlight from his hip pocket and pulled back Jim’s eyelids to shine it in. Jim groaned and closed his eyes.

“Responsive.” The man said.

“Should we get him to puke? That might help if he’s poisoned.”  The man in red offered.

“Depends on the poison, and I don’t have my equipment to scan him.”

“Poison.” Spock whispered, filling with dread.

“What did he consume in the last six hours?” The man in blue turned to Spock, and Spock immediately tried to recall.

“Pasta, juice, vegetables…” Spock tried to stay calm. “Vulcan port.”

“The green stuff.” The man in blue explained when his friend in red looked confused. “We didn’t have any, so I don’t know what’s in it.”

“Hey!” The man in red called to the usher who’d just emerged from the room. “We need your waiter. We need to know what he’s been handing out. Fetch him.”

“I will retrieve him.” The usher looked surprised, but then followed the orders.

“Jim? Please be alright.” Spock went around to Jim’s head. He tried to keep his voice low, but he knew the men could still hear him. He found he did not care.

“Spock…” Jim didn’t open his eyes.

The usher returned with the waiter, who was still carrying the glass bottle of port on his tray. At this point, Vulcans were beginning to leave the theater and they all took notice of the commotion in the lobby.

“Is there a way you can check its composition?” Spock asked the man in blue as he picked up the bottle.

“I assure you that nothing is wrong with it.” The waiter said.

“Gimme that.” The man in red look the bottle from his friend before taking a swig straight from it.

“Bruce! That could be poisoned!”

“Not poisoned.” He said, lowering the bottle and narrowing his eyes. “Intoxicating.”

“Vulcan port is not alcoholic.” Spock blinked in confusion.

“Maybe not to Vulcans, but I’d say that’s pretty potent for a human.”

“I…I did not know.” Spock looked down at Jim, now with immense relief that he at least knew what was wrong.

“Relax, kid. He’ll be fine.” The man in blue seemed relieved as well. “Just get him home and put him to bed. Make sure he has plenty of water.”

“And he will be alright?”

“He might have a headache and some minor nausea, but he’ll be good as new before you know it.”

“Sir, your car is here.” The usher said from the front entrance.

“We’ve got him.” The man in red gently grabbed Jim’s arm and pulled him up. “Will, grab his other arm.”

They pulled Jim up and tried to walk him towards the doors. When it was evident that Jim’s legs were not going to cooperate, Spock grabbed his feet and they awkwardly maneuvered Jim out onto the sidewalk. Spock dropped Jim’s feet and opened the car door. The men laid Jim in the back seat.

“T-Thank you for your help.” Spock’s adrenaline was still high.

“No problem.” The man in blue nodded.

“Starfleet is quite lucky to have you in service.”

“Eh, I dunno about lucky.” The man in red laughed. “I’m just stuck down in engineering, and Bruce here is just a nurse.”

“We try our best anyways. Now come on, we better get back to our…mission.” The man in blue linked arms with his companion.

“Live long and prosper, kid.” The man in red held up the ta’al.

“Peace and long life.” Spock replied, mimicking the gesture.

“Hey, watch out for uncouth displays!”  He called back just before they went back into the theater. Maybe it was the adrenaline that made him momentarily lose his logic or just the relief of knowing Jim was okay, but Spock actually laughed.

 

Spock told the driver how to get back to his house, and during the ride, Spock put Jim’s head in his lap and stroked his hair. He also sent a message to his parents, explaining the situation and asking that they not be disturbed.

He carried Jim inside with some difficulty and took him upstairs to the guest room. As he laid Jim on the bed, he was just turning to close the door when Sanara peaked in.

“Is he really intoxicated? May I see him?”

“No.” Spock closed the door.

He took off Jim’s shoes and socks before opening the dresser. He found Jim’s pajamas and undressed him. He put Jim in his pajamas before going to get a washcloth to clean Jim’s face of makeup. He gently cupped Jim’s cheek with one hand as the wiped his face with the other. Jim opened his eyes for a moment before closing them again.

Spock laid Jim back down on the bed before going to get him a glass of water. He placed the water on the bedside table and turned towards Jim. He crouched down and gently patted Jim’s head, stroking his hair.

“Good night. I will see you in the morning.” He whispered.

He turned to leave, when Jim reached out and grabbed Spock’s wrist.

“Spock…”

“Jim?” Spock looked at him, seeing his eyes open a tad.

“Stay.”

“You want me to stay?”

“Please. Stay with me… tonight…” Jim said, his voice still slurring.

“Alright. I will be right back.”

He went back into his room and changed into his own pajamas before washing his face and brushing his teeth. He then went back into the guest room before turning off the lights and crawling into bed beside Jim.

The human’s warmth immediately relaxed him, just as his scent did. Spock rolled over to face him just as Jim rolled closer, placing his bare feet against Spock’s.

“How do you feel?” Spock whispered.

Jim mumbled something before moving much closer. He wrapped his arm around Spock’s neck and pressed his face into the crook of Spock’s shoulder. He then entangled their legs, rubbing their feet together.

“Warm…now…” Jim said. “Missed you. Missed sleeping with you. It’s cold in here.”

“I have greatly missed sleeping with you as well.” Spock confessed.

“Can’t sleep without you. Why’d I even try…?”

Jim’s breath in his ear was sending warm shivers down his spine. Spock tried to suppress the overwhelming feelings he was having at finally having such physical contact after being touch-starved for so long.

“Jim?” Spock wrapped his arms around his source of warmth. “Why did you not want to sleep together anymore? Why does it seem like there are times when you want to hold hands, but most times, you act as if doing so is terrible?”

“I dunno.” He mumbled. “I don’t think you get…what holding hands is for humans.”

“I do not think _you_ understand what it is for Vulcans.”

Jim pulled away from Spock long enough to roll over and press his back against Spock’s chest. Spock’s arms went around him again, this time with Spock’s breath against Jim’s ear.

“I dunno. I just…I like you, Spock.”

“I know that.”

“No, you don’t.” He sighed. “You don’t get it. When I look at you, and think about you, I just feel all…mushy.”

“I am…sorry?” Spock was not sure what that meant.

“It’s not bad. I like it. I just get scared. I never thought you’d look at me like I look at you.” He rubbed his foot along Spock’s.

“You are afraid of your feelings?”

“Crazy, right?”

“No. Not at all. But you do not have to be afraid. Your feelings are quite mutual. I thought that was understood?”

“You like me?” Jim mumbled sleepily.

“Of course.”

“You really like me?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.”

“Jim?”

Spock realized Jim had fallen asleep again. He did not mind at all. Holding Jim like this and sharing his warmth was making Spock sleepy as well. He pressed his face into the back of Jim’s neck. Knowing this touch was only lasting until morning, Spock wanted to savor it.

When he closed his eyes, he slept soundly.

 

Spock woke up when Jim suddenly sat up in bed. Spock’s arms were still around  Jim’s waist and he looked down at them and then to Spock. A hand went to his head.

“What happened?”

“You do not recall last night?” Spock sat up and checked the chronometer on the bedside table. It was past noon.

“Last night?” He rubbed his head. “Sort of. We…went out?”

“Yes.”

“Then, we went to the show…and I don’t remember. I don’t understand. Why can’t I remember?”

“I accidentally let you have an intoxicating Vulcan beverage.”

“I was drunk!?” Jim quickly jumped out of bed before swaying slightly on the spot. His hand went to his head again.

“How do you feel?”

“Weird.” He pressed his hands over his eyes. “What…What happened?”

“I assure you that as soon as I knew something was wrong, I brought you home.”

“Why were you in my bed?” He asked, his face still hiding in his hands.

“You asked me to stay with you last night.” Spock felt a pang of sadness and ignored it. This was always a possibility. “You…do not recall?”

“No.” He sighed and put his hands on the dresser, looking into the mirror. Spock walked around to stand beside him, examining Jim’s reflection. He looked fine. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing was your fault.” Spock assured him.

“No, I’m sorry I made you stay in my bed. That was probably awkward.”

“It was not.”

“…It was…warm, wasn’t it?” Jim met Spock’s eyes in the mirror, a small smile on his face.

“Very much so.” Spock smiled back, now understanding what Jim meant by mushy. “Let me make you something to eat.”

Perhaps it was wrong to test Jim in this way, but Spock could not help it. He held out his hand to Jim, ready to accept things however they were, whether Jim rejected it or not.

Jim looked down at Spock’s hand, his brows together almost as if in deep contemplation. He then gave Spock a small smile and took his hand.

Sunday was spent with Jim continuing to rest. He laid on the sofa sipping drink after drink that Spock made for him. His legs rested inches from Spock’s, but Jim would not let any part of them touch as they watched a very old film about a magical country.

Spock could understand why Jim liked it. Dorothy longed to escape her farm life and go somewhere more exciting. That seemed quite relatable to Jim.

“Do you need more tea?” Spock asked when Jim sat up.

“No, I’m just going to the bathroom.” Jim chuckled.

When he sat back down, he sat up so their shoulders were touching. Spock kept his hand in the space between them, and to his surprise, Jim laid his beside Spock so that they were touching. That made it quite hard to focus on the film.

Even if Jim did not recall any of last night, the fact that he was more receptive to touching made Spock happier than any Vulcan should be. He should really meditate to get his emotions under control. He looked over at Jim. Well, maybe he’d meditate later. He did not want to miss the film.

 

Unfortunately, Spock had to return to school when the weekdays resumed. Spock spend days in class attending lectures, and evenings doing homework, preparing for his exams.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Jim asked, poking his head in Spock’s room one afternoon. “Oh, wait, you’re still working.”

“Tomorrow is Friday. I have an exam.” Spock said, lowering his headphones.

“Oh, well, you also have your tournament coming up to. Shouldn’t you be training outside…while I watch?”

“I am planning on training after school with T’Pring tomorrow.” Spock closed his textbook. “But perhaps it would not hurt to start early.”

Jim grinned and Spock followed him outside. This time when Spock showed off his hand-stand ability, Jim was receptive of Spock’s offer to help him try it himself. Still, it seemed Jim was correct that the Vulcan gravity may have affected his ability. Even if he was not successful, spending time together was nice.

After Spock’s exam the next day, he was quite pleased with himself for having scored another one hundred-and-ten percent. Only he and T’Pring had gotten the extra ten points, and Spock knew his high grades might make future schools overlook the tiny mark on his permanent record.

Spock stopped in the restroom before his final class and was just washing his hands at the sink when he heard someone else come in. He glanced up at the mirror and felt a stitch in his heart when he saw Stonn.

He quickly dried his hands and turned to leave when Stonn stepped in front of his path.  Spock immediately scowled.

“Move.”

“So, Spock, I expect that you and I will have a rematch this Saturday.”

“Yes, I expect that we will.” Spock said. He tried to step around Stonn, but again, the other Vulcan blocked his path.

“I believe then we will finally know who is the superior Vulcan.”

“If you say so.” Spock personally believed intelligence was more important than physical strength. Spock pushed past Stonn and started for the door when Stonn reached out and grabbed Spock by the upper arm. Spock froze.

“The superior Vulcan will leave the arena. The inferior scum may not. They only live as a disgrace to the planet. To raise Vulcan higher, they must be…eliminated. I look forward to it.”

Stonn let go of him, and Spock still felt oddly numb. He tried to forget what he’d just heard as he just walked out of the bathroom and to his classroom. Later in class, he reached up to where Stonn had grabbed him. It didn’t exactly hurt, it just felt odd. Maybe he was just used to Jim’s touches.

That afternoon, Spock made the mistake of telling Jim and T’Pring what happened as they sat in Spock’s room after training. Jim had not done much other than watch them spar, but he was still drinking juice with them as if he’d had a workout.

“What the fuck?” He sat up. “ _The inferior will be eliminated._ That’s a threat!”

“It certainly sounds like a threat.” T’Pring agreed.

“I believe he was just trying to scare me.” Spock said.

“Well, I’m scared.”

“Jim –“

“Spock, he literally threatened you. He’s gonna try and cheat again. You can’t fight him!”

“I have to.” Spock refused to get worked up. “It is part of the exam. I also do not believe Stonn would truly try anything against the rules with Trensu Kesh watching us.”

“How can you be sure? Spock, you must tell Trensu what Stonn said. Maybe he will pull Stonn out of the tournament.” T’Pring said.

“No. That is just what Stonn wants. He wants me to be afraid, but I am tired of running. I am tired of hearing him call me names. I want to finally end it. If I beat him, I can show that—“

“But you can’t!” Jim nearly spilled his juice. “You can’t beat him if he cheats! And he’s gonna cheat, and he’s…gonna kill you.”

“He will not.”

“Spock, it sounded like he legitimately has intentions to hurt you…or to kill you. Jim is right. We have to tell someone.”

“No. Neither of you understand what it is like to be a hybrid. I finally want to prove that I am worthy of being a Vulcan. I am one.”

“Spock, we already know you are.” Jim placed his hand on Spock’s knee, and as much as Spock enjoyed initiated physical contact, he could not waver in his stance.

“Stonn does not. I want to prove it.”

“Spock, you’re being dumb.” Jim sighed. “This really isn’t like you.”

“Quite _Nirak.”_ T’Pring narrowed her eyes.

“Enough.” Spock sighed. “I will not let you convince me to back out of an exam. Just because _you_ are too much of a coward to face Stonn, does not mean I—“

He regretted it as soon as her expression changed. She looked hurt, almost as if she’d been slapped. It lasted only for a second, before she was back to her usual Vulcan stoniness.

“I am in control of my emotions…” She put her glass down and stood up. “So I will not tell you what an incredibly _cruel_ thing that is to say to me. You know you are not the only one that is antagonized by Stonn. I have to face the societal pressures of being an unbonded female, and he uses that to try to pressure me into taking him. If you truly do not want me to tell Trensu Kesh, then I will not, but I hope you understand that you have only yourself to blame if he hurts you. Goodbye, Spock.”

She did not slam the door, but Spock felt that she might as well have. He was feeling emotional pain, but he was not sure how they got to this point. He looked at Jim, and was met with a glare.

“You know, you’re being an asshole, right? I honestly can’t believe you said that to her.”

“Jim…”

“No, look, if you wanna get your ass kicked just to prove a point, then I don’t know what else to say.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t tell me.” Jim stood up. “Tell her.”

That evening, Spock sent several messages to T’Pring but she did not respond. After having dinner and a bath, Spock put on the sweatshirt Jim had given him and poked his head in Jim’s room.

“Hello.”

“Hey.” Jim took off his own headphones and placed his PADD on the table. “Are you done being a jerk?”

“I hope so.”

“Then get over here.” Jim rolled over and made room for Spock on the bed. Spock laid down beside him on top of the blankets. “What are you gonna do tomorrow?”

“I am just going to try my best.” Spock said.

“Promise me…” Jim reached out and placed his hand gently over Spock’s arm. “Promise me, that if he cheats too much, and you really think you’re in danger, you’ll nerve pinch him and get the hell out of there?”

“I…” Spock looked at him. He was just so beautiful, with his golden hair sticking up from lying in bed. His asymmetrical earrings were back in, and Spock had to admit his found this anti-authority look quite appealing. “I promise.”

“Good.” Jim yawned and curled up. “Now, uh, get out. I gotta sleep.”

“Of course.”

Spock tried to feel nothing over the fact that they still did not share a bed, even after Jim did not feel as nervous about touching him. At list this time it came with a logical reason. Spock planned on waking up very early to meditate before his tournament.

He woke up when it was still dark outside. He opened his window and let the occasional warm breeze blow against his curtains and fill his room with the scent of his planet.

He found the incense in his drawer he had been saving. He bought them in a shop in Riverside the last time he’d been to Earth, and though he usually only used them when Jim was not here, to be reminded of his scent, Spock needed the extra calmness now.

He lit them and meditated on his floor, still wearing the sweatshirt over his pajama robes. He thought about what Stonn said, and how it did not scare him, but instead fueled him to be stronger. Why couldn’t Jim and T’Pring understand that?

Spock did not feel like eating breakfast but was finally convinced when Amanda went on and on about how he needed it for strength, and he supposed that he did need extra strength to beat  Stonn.

“I thought violence was illogical?” Sanara said as they all got in the car. “Why is it that Spock does it for a class?”

“Well, Suus-Mahna is violent, but the discipline is all about toning your body and mind, and not necessarily about hurting anyone. One of Surak’s ancient philosophies state that…”

Spock could not listen to his father’s lecture. Instead, he just rested his head against the car window and watched the city go by. As if sensing his apprehension, Jim reached over and placed his hand on Spock’s. It made him feel much better.

The arena was already full of Vulcans when they arrived. Spock signed in and led everyone inside. The main room was a lot like the dojo, with soft mats covering the floor. The arena had seats all around, and Spock noticed pairs of Vulcans all sitting together, likely the parents of Spock’s classmates.

“We’ll find seats in the front.” Amanda took Sanara’s hand. “Good luck, Spock.”

Jim stayed by Spock’s side as Spock made his way to where some of his classmates were. They were still waiting on some of them.

“Have you seen T’Pring?” He asked someone.

“I saw her talking with Trensu Kesh.”

Spock scanned the room and saw her talking with him at the far end. As if sensing his gaze, she turned and looked at him for a moment. Kesh looked over as well, and Spock quickly looked away.

“That’s Kesh? Whatever, he’s not that good looking.” Jim scoffed and crossed his arms. Spock stiffened when he saw Trensu Kesh was approaching him.

“Spock, T’Pring tells me you were injured?”

“Pardon?” Spock looked from Kesh to past his shoulder where T’Pring was. She gave Spock a quick nod.

“If you insist on competing, I will just have to watch closely and make sure you do not aggravate your injury.” Kesh said. So, Spock realized, this was her way of making sure Kesh paid extra attention when Spock fought Stonn. “It is a good thing that one of your classmate’s father is a doctor, and he will be observing the matches.”

Spock nodded respectfully, his head still reeling from the fact that T’Pring was able to lie to their master so easily. Kesh nodded back and went to speak to Spock’s other classmates. T’Pring followed behind him at a close distance.

“Guess she found out a way to keep an eye on you.” Jim chuckled.

“Nevertheless, I will fight to my full potential, but ultimately, it will be my wits that leave me victorious. The sharpest weapon is the mind.”

“Ha, well, I believe in you.” Jim reached out to touch Spock’s shoulder, before deciding against it and pulling his hand back.

Spock did not even notice Jim’s apprehension to touching him in public, because of who just walked into the arena. Stonn was already in his sparring uniform, but that was not who Spock was looking at.

“Spock?” Jim nudged him, but he didn’t budge.

“It is him.”

“Who?”

Jim followed his gaze to the person following behind Stonn. Dr. Tolek looked the same as Spock remembered, though Spock would have rather never seen him again. Since overhearing the doctor call him a _half-breed,_ Spock had never gone back to him.

Spock should have known Dr. Tolek would want a front row seat to his son beating up his half-breed classmate.

“Ignore him.” Jim said. “Remember, Trensu Kesh will be watching. The whole thing will be fair.”

Spock nodded, trying to purge all emotion from his mind. He gripped his bag and looked towards the locker rooms. Jim gave him a small wave before going to sit with Spock’s family. Spock went into the locker room and changed into his sparring uniform. Taking deep breaths, he slipped on his gloves and went back out.

He stood along the wall with his other classmates. They all began to work on their stretches as Trensu Kesh stood in the center of the arena.

“Good morning. I am honored that the Vulcan Learning Center has allowed me to teach these students the ways of our ancestors in the most logical way. You will see that their minds and bodies have been sharpened, and they each represent how far our Vulcan society has come.”

Spock zoned out of the speech and looked over at T’Pring. She was watching Kesh with admiration shining in her eyes. He then looked over at Stonn, who was glaring back at him. In the stands, Jim was sitting in between Sanara and Amanda, which Sarek on Amanda’s other side. Jim gave him a thumbs-up. Spock nodded at him.

“Now, we will begin.” Kesh turned to them. “First match –Sek and Sasak.”

Spock watched his classmates take center arena as Kesh went and sat in the front row. They bowed to one another respectfully, and it began. Spock could see now that they had all greatly improved since the first day.

After several minutes of watching them block and strike at one another, Sek used a chest-striking move that Spock recognized at one he’d been shown by Kesh, and then shown to Sek. Sasak fell and Sek was able to pin his shoulders down for three seconds.

Sek was victorious, and then it was T’Pell’s turn to face him. Spock admired her improvement, but she was still beaten in record time. Spock watched T’Pring go next.

This fight latest longer than the others. T’Pring was quite good at dodging, and Spock found himself gasping along with some of the crowd as T’Pring was able to trip Sek and pin him down, but he did not stay down. Spock knew he was next, but he was not sure who he’d rather go against. They were both so strong.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to guess the outcome of the match just by the sounds. When he was sure that T’Pring was losing, he opened his eyes to see that she had actually pinned him down again. The three seconds his shoulders touched the mat were agonizing.

Spock knew he was next. Kesh did not even have to stand from his spot by Dr. Tolek. He walked to the center of the arena. T’Pring narrowed her as at him as if were a true enemy. They bowed to one another, and in the next instant, Spock had to jump back as she attempted to sweep his legs out from under him.

He crossed his arms to protect his neck and face and gritted his teeth as he felt her kick him in the forearms several times before aiming lower and pounding into his ribs. Was she truly trying her best for the grade, or was she getting back at him for having called her a coward.

Both, he decided, as he felt her elbow dig into his spine as he tried to advance on her. Spock fell forward onto the mat, landing on his hands and knees.

“Come on, Spock! Get up!” Jim shouted.

“Shh!” Someone hissed.

Despite the fact that cheering and other gestures were not what Vulcans did, Spock felt encouraged by Jim’s voice. He got to his feet and crossed his arms again. When she struck at him, he stepped aside. She struck from the other side and he was able to turn her energy back by stepping towards and striking her opposite shoulder. He felt her open hand whiz right by his ear.

Stonn would be facing whoever won, and in that moment, Spock did not mind if it was not him. She was very good, and he was aware that she had likely been hiding her true potential when they practiced. But she was not the only one who seemed to excel. Spock had committed diagrams of advanced moves to memory, and though he had not tried them yet, this seemed as good a time as any.

He let her strike him hard in the shoulder. He then dropped to the floor. Before she could pin him, he was able to knock her legs back with a kick. He pinned her easily, but she did not stay down for three consecutive seconds.

“He…will be watching you…fight fair.” She said from beneath him.

“I will. I promise.” He pinned her down. “I…am sorry for what I said. I did not mean—“

“Spock is victorious.” Kesh announced and they both jumped to their feet.

“I know. Think nothing else of it.” She said, and as she happily took the spot beside Kesh, he knew she was over it. Vulcans did not hold grudges anyways.

With every beat of his heart, Spock felt the bruises already forming on his body pound with pain. Stonn stepped forward and walked towards the center of the arena. Spock felt like it took him ages to get there.

Their bow was stiff, as neither broke eye contact. Spock was not afraid, and he was going to show it. Stonn bared his teeth and mouthed something at Spock. He did not know what it was, but he could take an educated guess.

“Begin.”

Spock stuck to dodging all of Stonn’s strikes at first. He stepped lightly around the ring, even jumping over a leg sweep at one point. Stonn’s strikes went past Spock’s ears, never hitting him. Spock only stopped when he felt himself about to step out of the taped-off edge of the ring.

“Fight back, half-breed.” Stonn growled.

“Our opponent’s strength is our strength.” Spock said, using one of Kesh’s favored mantras. Stonn’s look of rage was the perfect distraction for Spock to elbow him in the ribs. Stonn was knocked back enough that Spock stepped further in. He then dashed around behind Stonn and elbowed him in the spine the same way T’Pring had done to him, so he knew the pain of it. “It is only our advantage when we can wield it.”

“Silence!”

Stonn struck at him again in a series of moves, but again, Spock just dodged until they reached the other side of the ring. Spock knew ancient humans hunter by chasing their prey until it collapsed from exhaustion, but Spock knew there was no way he could keep dodging until Stonn gave up. Not without striking back and few times.

It went on this way for longer than Spock could keep track of. He dodged until he found and opening to hit back. His full strength went into hitting Stonn in the chest and ribs. Spock was not unscathed, but had only been hit in the upper arms a few times. Even so, he could feel swelling.

Stonn aimed for Spock’s ribs, and Spock could not dodge fast enough without letting his guard down on his other side. He decided to take the hit and go for another angle. Only, instead of feeling an open hand connect with his side, it was a closed fist. It was so hard over his ribs, that for a moment, he thought it stopped his heart.

Spock was stunned long enough for Stonn to kick him in the same spot, harder than Spock had ever been kicked, even by Trensu Kesh. Spock dropped to his knees, sure that his rib was cracked.

He was aware that maybe Jim was shouting at him again, but he could not hear anything but the rushing of blood in his ear. Stonn grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and flipped him over. Spock gasped in pain from his broken rib, and then Stonn was on top of him, trying to pin him down.

Spock was not going to accept defeat easily. He kept his shoulders off the mat as he struggled to get out from under Stonn, but the Vulcan’s weight was too much. Stonn’s shins pinned down his thighs, but Spock’s upper body was free.

He reached up to try striking his shoulder, but Stonn was faster. He reached down and slowly wrapped his hand around Spock’s wrist.

Spock immediately felt a familiar, yet terrifying sensation. He was slowly losing feeling in his entire body. His legs no longer moved under Stonn’s weight, and his arms fell limp by his side. His eyes widened in terror, and he looked over to see that Stonn’s glove was gone. His bare hand was wrapped around Spock’s bare wrist where his sleeve had come down.

“W-What –!?” Spock gasped as Stonn’s other hand went around his throat. Stonn leaned down so that his mouth was by Spock’s ear, and his body obscured the crushing pressure on Spock’s throat.

“You do not deserve to live on this planet.” Stonn’s voice was oddly calm and measured, as if he were reciting something he’d practiced. “You are a failed genetic experiment. You should be exterminated. You, and your whore mother…your traitor of a father…your disgusting insect of a sister…that primitive lifeform you have chosen as a bond-mate. I can read you. I know your disgusting feelings for him.”

Spock wanted to fight back, but he could not move. He was not sure if it was due to the crushing of his windpipe, his broken bone, or the strange paralysis Stonn was inflicting on him from their skin-to-skin contact.

“You will die here, and Vulcan will rise higher because of it. You may have turned many of my peers against me. You may have made them think you are worthy of their attention, but you are not. T’Pring will realize how logical your extermination was, and then she will finally take me. She will aid me and my family as we work to finally purge your traitorous father’s bloodline. How easily it will be to get your sister next. It is not uncommon for young children to fall into dangerous situations. The question remains of the route I will take. Drowning requires a large body of water, not easily acquired. Traffic laws make accidents practically non-existent. And outside force will have to be responsible of pushing her in front of a moving vehicle. That will not be too hard to arrange, but I think a moving train will be much more effective at destroying her body. She is not worthy of having her remains buried on our soil.”

Spock had never felt such rage in his entire life. He wanted to kill Stonn, wanted to beat him into bloody mess. Anything to erase the mental image of what he’d just heard. But he could not move. He was frozen, having the life choked out of him, as Stonn’s uncurbed strength squeezed his throat, his nails cutting his skin.

Spock did not have any oxygen left. He knew he had only one choice. He had to let his shoulders fall back and hope the three seconds it took for the match to end weren’t so long that he died before Trensu Kesh intervened. But hadn’t it already been so long that someone should have noticed that Spock was likely turning blue? Why isn’t anyone helping him?

“Just give up.” Stonn growled in his ear. Spock would if he could move.

If only he could move. He would let his shoulders fall back the inch. If only he could speak, he would tell Stonn to go to hell. If only Spock had a weapon or something. A knife. Something sharp.

Something.

Something like the first weapon Vulcans ever had. Fangs.

Spock turned his head and sank his teeth into Stonn’s throat. His mouth filled with blood as his body limply fell the inch back into the mat. Through his hazy vision, he could see Stonn gasping as blood poured from him throat onto Spock’s chest. His eyes were wide with a mix of shock and hate. A dark hand landed on the spot between Stonn’s neck and shoulder.

Spock made eye contact with Kesh over Stonn’s shoulder. It was the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness. Jim’s voice calling his name was the last thing he heard.

 

He was beginning to feel his arms and legs again, he noticed. He felt so relaxed. The place in his mind was bright gold, the same way it was when he was at his most peaceful. It would be nice to stay this way forever, fading in and out of dreams. He became aware of who he was and what had happened, just as he began to feel more of his body, the pain in it in particular.

“S-Sanara?” Spock opened his eyes and sat up. He did not recognize where he was. The room was small, with chairs along one wall. The bed was not his own, nor were these clothes. A hospital gown.

“You’re awake!” Jim leaned over and took Spock’s hand. Spock looked down at their joined hands and saw a laminated bracelet around his wrist.

“What –“ He tried to speak, but there was too much pain. His free hand went to his neck and he winced.

“Don’t try and talk. You’re still healing.” Jim now held Spock’s hand in both of his. Spock looked towards the door.

“My parents?” He whispered.

“They’re here. They took your sister to go get lunch. The doctor said you wouldn’t be awake for a while.” Jim’s hand rubbed up and down Spock’s arm. Spock was quite sure now that all of his feeling was back, as the touch was making his heart race.

“What…happened?”

“Stonn tried to kill you.” Jim sighed. “He was choking you. Then you…bit him.”

“He…”

“He’s not dead, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Jim said quickly. “Well, he wasn’t when they took him out. Hold on, I promised I’d tell anyone if you woke up.”

Soon, Spock’s room was filled with people. Like Jim, Sanara climbed onto Spock’s bed. Amanda cried and hugged Spock, crushing his head against her chest.

“Ouch.” Spock whispered.

Sarek looked relieved Spock was alright, but Spock wondered just how alright he was. He still felt so weak. He laid back against his pillow.

“What happened?” He asked again, this time turning towards the doctor. It was a middle-aged Vulcan man Spock had ever seen before, but Spock did not care who he was, as long as he was not Stonn’s father.

“When you arrived on the scene, we were told you had an injured trachea, but further examination showed there were much more injuries. You had a broken rib on your left side, as well as many other signs of physical assault.”

“The tournament.” Spock whispered.

“Yes. We were in formed you had been participating in Suus-Mahna, which explained the bruises, but not the other injuries.”

“Stonn cheated.” Jim said. “His classmate broke the rules and tried to kill him.”

“He was covered in blood that was not his own.”

“He did what he had to do to save his own life.” Sarek said. He was staring down at the floor, his hands clasped behind his back. “How could I have let this happen?”

“This isn’t your fault, dear.” Amanda said, placing her hands on his shoulder.

“But I should have protected him. I should have realized…” Sarek’s voice wavered.

“Sa-mekh?” Sanara got down from Spock’s bed and wrapped her arms around his father’s legs. He looked down at her for a moment before gently placing a hand on her head.

“I do not…understand.” Spock said with difficulty. “Why did Kesh not help me sooner?”

“Kesh said he couldn’t.” Amanda sat down on the foot of Spock’s bed. “When the authorities asked for his statement, he said he knew something was wrong, but something was holding him back. He said the person sitting beside him reached out and held his wrist, immobilizing his body.”

“D-Doctor Tolek was beside Trensu Kesh.” Spock said, wincing at the pain in his throat. “Stonn did the same thing to me.”

“Yes, we did see traces of some sort of paralyzing effect on you, but I do not understand how your classmate could perform this on you. The ability to render someone immobilized through touch is not easily mastered.” The doctor narrowed his eyes.

“His father must have showed him. He…He wanted to kill me, but he could not have acted alone…not based on what he said to me. I…” Spock closed his eyes, hoping no one would make him recount what Stonn had said. Some parts were fuzzy, and others made him sick to think about.

“Law enforcement followed Stonn after they took him in an ambulance.” Sarek said. “They will get the truth from him. His father as well.”

“The Vulcan cops asked your class questions too.” Jim said. “They talked to everyone who was there. They asked if anyone knew about Stonn wanting to hurt you. They got quite a long statement from someone.”

“T’Pring.” Spock turned his head.

“Yep.”

“She truly is too good a friend to me.” Spock sighed.

“You can thank her in person.” Jim smiled. “I’ll text her and tell her you’re awake.”

It hurt too much to speak anymore, so Spock laid back against the pillows and just listened. Jim retold what he saw from the stands, how he thought Spock was just losing badly, until blood started pouring down.

Amanda got the remove to the video screen across the room and tried to find something Spock would like. There was a fascinating documentary on sand, that caught Spock’s attention.

Spock noticed Sarek was still quite somber, even compared to his usual self. Spock wanted to tell him that it was illogical to be upset over something he could not control, but he also did not want to say anything with everyone else here.

T’Pring came in and brought Spock some cold juice made of mixed Terran fruits. Jim got Spock a cup and straw, and Spock had to admit that it did taste good, even if it hurt to drink.

Then, many people were coming in. Romar came to visit him, and brought Spock a bag of his clothes and other items. With slight sadness, Spock realized this meant he would not be leaving today.

Sek and Sasak from Spock’s class came to visit him. Spock heard from them that the tournament would be completed the following Saturday, but that Spock had already received a passing grade. Spock did not think that was very fair, since biting was technically a cheating move.

When Kesh visited, Spock got the chance to ask about it himself. It hurt to speak, still, but Spock was burning with questions.

“Are you alright?”

“Illogical to ask about my wellbeing, when you are in hospital.” Kesh said before cracking a small smile. “The immobilizing inflicted on me left no lasting damage. It was my strong will that let me break it and come to your aid. I wonder now if I should not return to the Defense Institute and undergo more training to assure that nothing like this ever happens again.”

“I have never heard of this happening at all.” Sarek narrowed his eyes.

“This immobilizing effect is a rare facet of telepathic ability.” Kesh explained. “I learned of it, but I did not study it. It is only learned by the descendants of certain clans who first invented the tactic. I have no doubt that Tolek was one of these descendants of those clans, and was teaching Stonn the technique. I know I should have never let him return to class after he broke the rules the first time. I know I should have removed you _both_ , then this would not have happened, but we cannot change the past.”

“ _Kaiidth.”_ Spock sighed. “What is –“

“Is.” Sarek finished with a nod. Spock nodded at him in return, knowing everything would be alright.

The final visitors to Spock’s room were authorities. Spock recognized their uniforms as those of Vulcan police, and he tried to sit up straight, despite his sore body.

“We must question you privately about the events that happened.”

“Is that legal? He’s still a minor by Terran law. He should have a parent present if you’re questioning him.” Amanda crossed her arms.

“That is only if he is being charged. Your son is the victim. We just want to have a complete account of what transpired, before we question the guilty party.”

Spock looked at his mother and nodded. More than anything, he did not want Sanara to hear what Stonn said to him. He was relieved that they wanted him alone.

“The patient needs rest. You may come back tomorrow at visiting hours.” The doctor opened the door and Spock watched his family go. Amada stopped by his bed to kiss his head, and Sanara patted his arm and gave him a small smile. Jim squeezed his hand again, and Spock felt his heart leap.

When they were alone, one officer asked Spock questions, while the other transcribed everything Spock said. This made Spock extra mindful of his words.

“You say Stonn made a threat to you prior to the event in question?”

“Yes.”

“Yet, you told no one.”

“Yes, that is correct.”

They showed nothing on their faces as the first officer just nodded, and the second recorded Spock’s answer, and Spock knew if they were truly logical Vulcans, they were not judging him for that mistake.

“Stonn also made threats to your five-year-old sister?”

“That is correct.”

“These threats included drowning her, and pushing her in front of a car?”

“Y-Yes.”

The officer who was transcribing paused and looked up for a moment, before shaking her head and looking back down at her PADD.

“We will insure that your sister has protection in the form of an officer taking her to and from school for the next few weeks to ensure no one harms her.”

“Thank you.”

After several more questions, and having Spock repeat how Stonn was able to immobilize him via touch several times, the officers were finally finished. Spock laid back against his pillow, feeling somehow more exhausted.

He was drifting off as a nurse came in and checked the readings on the monitor on Spock’s bed. She then gave Spock several different medicines.

“Your throat is an unnatural color.” She reported after checking it with a small flashlight.

“I suppose it is from the juice.” Spock looked at the cup on the side table, still half-full of purple liquid.

“You are only permitted water until Doctor Sepel says otherwise from now on.” She said, taking the cup away.

“Yes.” Spock sighed.

When she was gone, Spock closed his eyes and found himself drifting off as the pain in his body slowly ebbed away. His dreams included hot breath on his neck and growls in his ear. Spock opened his eyes and sat up, his heart still beating fast. He looked at the chronometer on the wall and saw it was only four in the morning. He was not sure he could fall back asleep now.

Spock got the bag Romar had brought him and dug through looking for his music player. It was not among the clothes and sundries, though Romar had remembered his PADD. Spock did not want to play music without his headphones, in case it disturbed the other patients on this floor.

He put his bag back on the floor and got up from the bed. He was not really in pain anymore, but his muscles felt stiff from doing nothing but lying in bed and sleeping for this many hours. Spock stretched and winced as he felt a dull ache in his rib.

He turned and started towards the small bathroom attached to his room, when he saw a face in a dark corner of his room.

“Ah --!”

“Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Jim turned on the light by Spock’s bed.

“Jim? What are you doing here?”

“Watching you sleep?” He shrugged and laughed. “I didn’t know you _still_ snored.”

“These are not permitted visiting hours.” Spock said, but there was no point in chiding him. He could not make it sound very convincing. He was very happy to see Jim here. Spock noticed Jim was once again wearing his flannel shirt, this time over an old t-shirt and sweatpants. Pajamas just like he’d given Spock.

“Eh, I couldn’t sleep. I decided to sneak out and see you. I promise I was really quiet, and it was kinda fun walking around Vulcan when everyone else was asleep.”

“How did you get in here?” Spock asked, pushing aside the curtains at the window so he could see the pitch-black city. It was considered rude to keep any lights on overnight, and the darkness of the city reflected that.

“Well, the doors were locked, so I just scanned my very professional ambassador badge, and they opened right up.” He held up the identification badge in a black case. “After that, it was just a matter of sneaking up here without nurses catching me.”

“You stole my father’s badge!?” Spock quickly snatched it back from Jim.

“Dude, relax. You’re acting like you aren’t even super thrilled to see me.” Jim gave him that overzealous grin, and Spock could not help but smile back.

“Of course I am glad to see you, but could you not wait until visiting hours?”

“That’s the thing…” Jim sighed, not meeting Spock’s eyes. “I gotta go soon.”

“Go?”

“Back to Earth. Back to stupid school.” He crossed his arms. “I leave in fourteen hours. It was the latest shuttle I could get. I woke get back to Earth until super late. Probably this time tomorrow, then I gotta go to school. It’s just I really wanted to spend more time with you.”

“I…am very glad you decided to sneak into my room, then.” Spock felt pain again, but this time it was the same pain he always felt when he and Jim were going to be apart. He tried to push it away so they could enjoy their last day together.

“Good, glad we cleared that up.” Jim patted his shoulder. “Let’s see what’s on tv. Usually when I watch tv this early at home, it’s only infomercials. Do Vulcans have infomercials?”

Jim sat on Spock’s bed and started flipping through the channels. Spock made sure the volume was very low before going into the bathroom.

He turned on the light and looked in the mirror with a small gasp. It was not his messy hair or very pale face that shocked him, but the green marks on his neck. He had no idea those were there. He reached up and touched them, wincing slightly.

He then noticed the dark bruise on his forearm. He looked down at his arms and noticed there were others. He tried to recall which were from T’Pring, but it was all so fuzzy.

Spock slowly took off his hospital gown, leaving him in just shorts. He groaned in pain at his rib as the gown fell to the floor. He looked in the mirror and gasped again at the dark green bruise over his rib. At least it was not broken anymore.

“Spock? Are you okay?” Jim opened the door a few inches and looked in.

“Yes.” Spock looked up from where he was pressing a cold cloth to one of the bruises on his arm.

“Oh…okay.” Jim’s face grew very red, but he did not leave. He just watched Spock’s reflection. “Does it hurt?”

“Somewhat.” Spock admitted.

He felt as if he were aware of every dust particle clinging to his skin, since he had missed one of his routine baths from the night before. He went to the tub and turned on the water.

“Oh. You’ll be okay, then?”

“I can manage.” Spock put his hand in the water to test the temperature.  “Unless you are offering to assist me.”

“D-Do you need assistance?” Jim’s face went red again.

“Are you offering?”

“I…um…” Jim quickly shut his eyes as Spock took off his shorts and got in the water.

“I believe I can manage on my own after all.”

“Cool. I’ll wait out here.” Jim kept his eyes closed as he stepped out and closed the door behind him.

All of the soap had a strong hospital-like smell to it, but Spock was just eager to feel clean again. It did hurt a bit to reach back to wash his shoulders and back, as all movement aggravated his healing rib, but he did not want to make Jim uncomfortable by asking for help.

Afterwards, Spock dried off before realizing his clothes were still in his bag in the room. He did not want to put the gown back on if he could help it. It was already bad enough that his hospital bracelet was still on.

“Jim?” Spock poked his head out of the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Will you bring me my bag? I need my clothes.”

“Do you…have a towel on?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Jim practically shoved the bag at him before going back to sit on the bed. Spock closed the bathroom door and looked through the bag. 

In addition to pajama robes, there were also his favorite pajamas Jim had given him. Spock changed into the t-shirt and long pants before pulling the sweatshirt on over his head. He went back into the room and climbed into the bed beside Jim, who was staring intently at a program on tv. He looked over at Spock and grinned.

“You really like that hoodie, huh?”

“You say that, yet you have worn the same flannel shirt every day since you have been here.”

“I have not. I have multiple of the same shirt, Spock.”

“Oh. I never noticed.”

They laid back on the pillows, the sides of their bodies completely pressed together under the blanket as they flipped through the channels and watched the sun slowly rise over the city through the window. At one point, Spock realized they were holding hands, but he could not say who initiated.

“Jim?” Spock looked over from the science documentary they’d been watching.

“Hmm?”

“I must tell you that I am…glad that you enjoy holding hands again.”

“It was never that I didn’t like it.” Jim mumbled, sliding lower on the pillow. “It was just I didn’t know if you did…it just has a lot of implications.”

“I had started to feel guilty about wanting to, both because Vulcans are not supposed to watch physical affection, and because you did not seem to like it.”

“But I do like it.” Jim looked over. “It’s just…I never knew if you…if you liked me or you just liked holding hands…”

“You may not recall me saying so, but I do like you, Jim. Why else would I want to marry you?”

“Spock!” Jim turned red again before laughing, pressed his free hand to his face to muffle the sound. Spock was quite sure that now other Vulcans were awake on this floor. “Spock…oh, Spock. You’re so great.”

He sighed as his laughter died down and he laid back against Spock’s shoulder once more. He let his thumb trace over the back of Spock’s hand, and Spock could not help but smile.

“Both Humans and Vulcans think feelings are these complicated things, and perhaps they are sometimes, but this…” Spock squeezed Jim’s hand. “Never has been. This is simple. If we both enjoy this, then we should not be ashamed of it.”

“You know what? You’re right.” Jim laid his head on Spock’s shoulder.

Spock wondered if Jim was still feeling mushy, as he’d once described it, but Jim did not mention feeling so as they drifted off to sleep. They awoke to the sound of someone coming down the hallway.

Jim hid in the bathroom as the nurse came in and gave Spock more medicine. As she checked his readings, Spock asked about going home.

“The doctor thinks you should be alright to check out this evening.” The nurse said. “Though, perhaps I should inform him that your readings show an increased heartrate. Hmm.” She looked up from her chart towards the bathroom door. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and Spock felt his heartrate increase once more. She then turned away and left the room, and Spock sighed in relief.

When they were sure she was gone, Jim and Spock shared the breakfast the nurse had brought him. Afterwards, Jim went towards the bag he’d brought.

“Hey, can I do your nails?”

“Do what to my nails?”

“Paint them. You can pick whatever color you want, as long as it’s black, pink, green, blue or yellow. Oh, and I think I have red too, but it’s almost empty.”

“Hmm. Blue.”

“Good choice. I haven’t even opened the blue one yet.”

Jim sat across from Spock on the bed and carefully held each finger steady as he coated Spock’s nails in blue. Spock knew it was wrong to be able to read Jim, but he blamed it on improper rest and lack on meditation. Besides, the only think he felt was intense happiness, which was mutual.

“Nice, right?” Jim gently blew on Spock’s nails to dry them.

“Quite. I also enjoy what you did to my eyes and eyebrows. Perhaps I should purchase my own makeup.”

“I can send you a video on how to do the punk look.” Jim grinned.

“I believe my look should be more subtle, though all looks look nice on you, I have noticed.”

“Oh, Spock.” Jim turned red again and laughed. Spock smiled.

At noon, Spock’s parents arrived with Sanara. They did not seem surprised to see Jim there, though Jim did lie and say he’d only been there a little while.

While his parents were talking to the doctor out in the hall, Spock took the opportunity to slip his father’s badge into the pocket of his cloak hanging on the door. Sanara reached for Spock’s hand.

“Your nails look nice.”

“Thank you. Perhaps if you ask Jim, he will paint yours too. He has pink.”

“Really?” She smiled before growing neutral again. “Sa-kai, when I was watching your tournament, and suddenly there was blood everywhere…I did a very illogical thing. I began crying because I thought you had died. Vulcans are not supposed to cry.”

“Sanara, it is alright to cry sometimes.” He rested his hand on her head. “We are half human, so our emotions are strong. This does not make us weak, and anyone who says it does is ignorant. It is alright to cry sometimes. I would cry if I thought you were hurt.”

“I do not think you should worry. Father says authorities will be walking with me to school. That sounds rather exciting. Do you think I can show them the drawings I make in art class?”

“I would rather you save those and show me.”

“Alright.” Sanara nodded.

Spock then watched her tug on Jim’s sleeve and ask if he’d paint her nails. She sat on the bed beside Spock as Jim’s painted hers pink. Jim glanced up from her nails and locked eyes with Spock. He smiled. Spock felt his heart beat faster. At this rate, he was never getting released.

But that evening, the doctor discharged Spock, sending him off with just two bottles of medicine to finish taking. Spock was relieved as he looked in the mirror and saw the bruises on his neck had almost completely faded.

T’Pring had messaged Spock and informed him that Stonn was expelled from the Learning Center after he was found guilty. His father’s medical license was also taken away, and Spock privately hoped this meant their family was disgraced that they would move away from the city completely, but she had no such news on that.

She then asked if she could come over, but Spock declined, saying he wanted to spend time with Jim before he had to go.

Spock and Jim both seemed hyperaware of the few hours before he had to leave. They spent the time in Spock’s room listening to music and playing chess. This time, their hands remained linked across the table.

When it was time to go, Jim seemed to drag his feet as he packed his things. He would then take everything out and repack it again.

“Jim, you are stalling. You will miss your shuttle.”

“I know…I’m just gonna miss you.” He sighed.

“We will see each other soon. With careful diligence, I should be able to have free time from classes this summer. Though, I may still have to do part of my work online.”

“That’s not so bad.” Jim seemed to cheer up. “We’ll still have plenty of time to hang. I can show you come cool video games.”

“Are they violent?”

“Not _all_ video games are violent, Spock.”

“Oh, I did not realize.”

Spock took Jim to the station alone. It was always difficult to keep his emotions in when they had to be separated, and Jim was the only person that Spock did not mind seeing him like this. He was grateful his injured throat did not let him speak too loudly.

“I will miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Spock.”

Despite the crowd, no one seemed to notice them, not even when they hugged. Spock privately hoped their long embrace would transfer Jim’s scent to his clothes and it would linger there for a while. It was a strange thing to want, but still.

They were forced to separate when the boarding call was announced. Jim picked up his bag and sighed. Spock followed, carrying Jim’s guitar case.

When his bags were on board, Jim was now just lingering as the other passengers went around him to board. He crossed his arms and sighed.

“Well…I’ll see you soon.”

“Quite soon.”

“Spock, I –“

Spock looked up just as Jim placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder, leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. It lasted for only a second, but when he pulled back, Spock was sure he was blushing just as hard as Jim was.

Jim gave him a small wave before boarding, and again from the window. Spock returned it, his cheeks still burning and his heart still racing. Despite missing Jim, he was smiling on the walk home.

His mood dropped by that night. He’d gone online and made sure he was up to date on his studying, so there was nothing else to distract him. Playing his lute made him think of Jim. Listening to music made him miss Jim. He did not feel healed enough to practice his martial arts.

Instead, he just stood out on his balcony and watched the sunset. The breeze was warm, and Spock looked up at the faint line of the constellations. Jim was out there somewhere, and soon they’d be together again.

“Spock?” Sarek leaned out Spock’s window. “Dinner is almost ready. Your mother made soup for your throat.”

“Alright. I will be down soon.”

“Are you feeling well?” Sarek grunted as he struggled to climbed over the sill and onto the balcony.

“Physically, I am fine. I just…”

“You are missing him.”

“I need to meditate.” Spock knew there was no excuse for feeling such strong emotions in front of his father.

“There is nothing illogical about missing your mate. I still miss your mother when I go on trips for work. It is maintaining those emotions in a healthy way that matters. You cannot let it keep you from your responsibilities, especially when you know you will see your mate soon.”

“How did you feel when you heard about me wanting Jim for a bond-mate? How did you feel when you had to hear it from the parent of one of my classmates? Or Romar? Did that disgrace our clan?” Spock turned away so his father would not see tears threatening to form in his eyes.

“Spock, I did not hear it from anyone. I knew from the moment I saw you together. Love that grows from childhood is the most pure and logical. That is part of the reason we betroth children so young, though it is hard to replicate what can only be spontaneous and natural.”

“It never bothered you?” Spock turned back, having regained his composure.

“Why would it? I have a human bond-mate. Surely you have not forgotten?”

“Of course, not.” Spock felt a small smile on his face.

“What other Vulcans say does not matter. All that matters is that you are following Surak’s teachings to be a good Vulcan. Certain aspects are outdated, of course. Not many Vulcans admit that. Even I did not until I met your mother. Now, come, have soup. She made it just for you.”

Spock followed his father downstairs for dinner. He noticed nothing was hurting anymore. Not his ribs or his throat or his heart. He was going to be alright.

After dinner, Sanara asked him to play kal-tow with her. Spock looked down at her. She was still so cute, despite growing up.

“Yes. I will play with you, ko-kai.”

To his surprise, she won the first game. Spock narrowed his eyes and wondered if their school had a club for this game. She could be Trensu Sanara quite soon if that were the case.

Just before Spock was going to meditate after his bath that night, his PADD chimed with a message. It was simple, but Spock liked it.

  * ♥
  * **I miss you already!**



Spock smiled and replied.

  * ♥
  * _We will see each other soon. I promise._



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: Stuff™ and Things™


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever because it was emotionally exhausting lol. 
> 
> ao3 hates formatting, so i'm gonna go through this a million times to try and catch every italic/bold thing that needs to be done.
> 
> fair warning, all i'm going to say is: mature content ahead.

 

Spock looked from the train window to the chronometer on his wrist. The heavy snow had slowed them down significantly. They would not reach Riverside until midnight at this rate. He was growing slightly anxious at the thought, but as a Vulcan, he knew not to dwell on this emotion. Instead, he just slipped on his headphones and let his music play as he did his schoolwork on his PADD.

In less than a month, Spock would be seventeen, and after finishing seven more classes, Spock would be a graduate of the Learning Center.

That was one thing that kept Spock from visiting Jim sooner. The most prestigious universities in Vulcan were watching his test scores, and the Vulcan Science Academy had apparently picked their prospects among his class. He and T’Pring were invited to tour the academy and meet the professors.

It was such a high honor and such a relief to Spock to know his hard work was being watched by such a fine establishment. He spoke to many teachers and board members and assured them that he would be interested in attending if they’d have him.

Come the completion of Spock’s final course, he will take a final entrance exam that would determine the best degree for Spock to focus on. There were so many branches of science, that Spock was honestly unsure what his results would say.

After coming home from the tour, Spock was able to immediately start packing for Earth. Jim was under the impression that Spock would not be arriving until next week. Spock hoped his sudden arrival would be considered a surprise consistent with the Christmas season.

Spock shivered and glanced towards the window. It was completely covered in a sheet of ice, and Spock could see moving lights in the darkness behind it, but he had no idea if they were moving. Surely trains that were at the height of technological advancements, and could cross miles in minutes, would not become stuck because of cold weather?

He took off his headphones and put his PADD in his bag. He pressed his gloved hand to the window and tried to look outside, but it was no use. He finally stood up and opened the compartment door. An attendant was pushing a cart down the aisle, and she turned to him as he stepped out.

“Coffee, sir?”

“No, thank you.” Spock pulled his scarf down from around his face and glanced up and down the aisle. “Are we stuck?”

“Oh, no sir, but we are slowed down quite a bit. Our current route to Riverside station is now delayed –“

“Two hours.” Spock finished, narrowing his eyes.

“Our apologies, sir. All we can do is hope the storm lets up. We’re saving our power to keep the heater going longer at a slightly lower temperature, but we have hot drinks.”

Reluctantly, Spock took a cup back into his compartment. He sat back down and reached for his PADD. He considered telling Jim of the delay, but the tiny emotional human part of his biology wanted his arrival to be a surprise.  

Deciding it would be okay since he was the only one in the compartment, Spock reclined his seat all the way and laid down with his feet resting on the seat opposite. His coat was laid over him like a blanket. He slipped his headphones back on and tried to rest. The past forty-eight hours had been shuttle rides and trains, and Spock had very insufficient rest. That made it easy for Spock to immediately nod off as the events of the last few weeks played over in his mind.

 

“This is your second one then?” Spock narrowed his eyes, trying to keep emotion from his face as he took in the sight of the intricate roses and leaves, their stems intertwining down Jim’s left arm. The heads of the roses almost obscured Jim’s shoulder, and Spock wondered how Jim managed the patience to sit through the entire thing.

“No, third! Wait, does that mean you haven’t seen this one yet either!?” Jim grinned and pulled up his t-shirt, exposing another tattoo on his left side over his ribs. “I had to go back twice to get all the points on the stars to look right. What do you think?”

“Lyra.”Spock recognized the constellation. Spock then felt his face warm up considerably as his eyes roamed over the other exposed parts of Jim’s skin.

“What’s that look? Tattoos are cool, okay?” Jim put his shirt back down and turned to lift his right sleeve, exposing his first one, the sun partially eclipsed by clouds. “This is still the only one my mom knows about. I can still hear the way she screamed at me, like I’d permanently ruined my body or something.”

“Tattoos are permanent.” Spock reminded him, still trying to keep the color from his face as he noticed how pronounced Jim’s arm muscles were.

“Duh.” He dropped his sleeve. “But you can get them taken off with this little laser. Done in like ten minutes, and it doesn’t even hurt. I mean, I’m not _gonna_ get mine taken off, but it is an option.”

“I see.”

“Vulcans don’t get them, do they?” Jim smiled. “I can tell you always look a little…disapproving when I show you mine. You don’t ever conform _completely_ to Vulcan ways, so maybe you could get a tattoo one day? We can get matching ones.”

“Matching…”

Tattoos were not entirely unVulcan, it was just that Spock had never really thought about it before. But there were tattoos Vulcans sometimes got when they completed Kolinahr. There was also a certain pair of tattoos that Vulcan mothers and daughters sometimes got. But matching tattoos were reserved especially for bond-mates.

The thought was actually quite appealing to Spock. In fact, Jim’s tattoos were always appealing to Spock; it was just that he never wanted to outwardly show how much he enjoyed looking at Jim’s body, in case it made him uncomfortable. He supposed his impassive expression could have unintentionally come off as disapproving. 

“You hate the idea?” Jim prodded.

“Not at all.” Spock said. “It sounds…nice.”

“Spock with ink. Ha, I’d actually really like to see that.”

Later, Spock was able to find files showing many different Vulcan tattoo designs. Among the flowers like Jim had, were ones of Vulcan calligraphy. Full of words like _Logic_ and _Patience,_ they looked very nice and one must have a steady hand to write them. Spock had not practiced his calligraphy since grade school, so he was unsure he could do it.

He reached out and touched the PADD screen as he came across the matching ones. His face colored slightly as he imagined the words across Jim’s chest.

T’hy’la.

He smiled. Such a sacred bond between two souls was thought to be more of a fantasy than a reality. Still, if Spock wanted to imagine their souls were intertwined, making them destined mates for life, then no one could stop him. He hovered over Jim’s name, and considered sending the files for his consideration, when an incoming call disrupted him. It was T’Pring with a few questions about their upcoming visit to the science academy. Afterwards, Spock had forgotten about the files by the time he spoke to Jim again.

Jim expressed his indifference about the upcoming winter holidays. After all, his brother was gone on a job, and Jim would be alone at his house in Riverside. He even said there was no point in decorating. Spock felt this was quite unjust, and privately made plans to see Jim.

He only hoped the train would actually arrive before Jim was in bed tonight. Spock dozed for a little while, only waking when the train sped up, making his bag fall from the opposite seat to the floor. Spock sat up and grabbed it, before checking inside to make sure his Christmas present to Jim was still in tact.

Gift-giving was not something Vulcans did, so Spock always felt a tad out of place when it became time for him to find something for Jim. This time had been no exception, but Spock tried to remember that Jim would likely enjoy anything Spock got him. He hoped Jim would enjoy the guitar strap. It was made from a special Vulcan fabric and the design was quite an intricate mix of colors.

The other part of the gift was the thing Spock had to constantly check was not messed up. The earrings were tiny studs made from Vulcan silver. It was rare for Vulcan males to get their ears pierced, but Spock hoped Jim would not mind that these were technically women’s earrings.

In the time they had known each other, Spock had watched Jim’s sense of style change into some aesthetic he did not fully understand, but he enjoyed it greatly. Jim always made sure his makeup was done in the style, making his eye color pop. His tattoos and fashion also seemed to contribute to the sort of rebel-punk look Jim was so fond of.

Secretly, Spock was fond of it as well. It made Jim look very attractive, and even though it was also supposed to make him look dangerous, it never did for Spock. Spock knew Jim was very soft on the inside.

The train speeding up meant that perhaps the weather was letting up enough for them to get to the station soon. Spock took out his compact and looked into the tiny mirror to check his own makeup. Vulcan styles were much more subtle in color, but sharp in contours. Spock was very glad he had taken time to teaching himself how to apply it. It was quite worth it to see the look on Jim’s face.

“Sir, we will be at the station in about forty-five minutes.” The attendant said to him when she passed his compartment. Spock nodded, feeling budding excitement.

In the meantime, Spock put his headphones back on and carefully tapped his gloved hand against his lap as he counted out his math equations. By the time the train stopped at the station, Spock had finished a whole chapter.

Spock took his bag and stepped out into the cold black night of Earth. His breath immediately came out in a cloud, and he pulled his scarf up over the lower half of his face to keep warm. He then pulled the hood of his coat up to cover the tips of his ears before they froze off.

By not alerting Jim of his intent to visit, the station was empty. No one was waiting for him. He considered calling for a ride, or calling for Jim, but the want to surprise him beat all others. Even logical ones for warmth. He remembered the way to Jim’s house from here, so he started walking.

Earth’s gravity kept Spock from feeling the effects of carrying a bag a long distance or from walking down a long dirt road. Instead, all he felt was cold. He refused to succumb to the weather, and instead focused on the warmth he would feel once arriving. He also subconsciously thought of the last time he had been warm.

Not just warm like on the train or shuttle, or warm like on Vulcan, but _truly_ warm. Warm with Jim.

It had been many months since they were together on the same planet. School had gotten in the way of their visits. Spock felt guilty, despite Jim telling him not to. The last time they were together had been a nice warm day on Vulcan.

Spock was relaxing with Jim on the sofa after an especially mentally stimulating day at school. Jim had assured him that he had also done a lot of schoolwork that day, so it was good for them to relax. He put on some Vulcan channel on the video screen. Neither of them really listened to the news report playing, and instead instinctively drew closer together under their shared blanket.

It was so warm, as Jim put his arm around Spock’s shoulders. That was back when Jim had only one tattoo, but Spock was still drawn to it, looking down at the mark on his shoulder showing just under his sleeve. Jim noticed him staring and chuckled.

Their faces were so close, and their bodies were practically overlapping under the covers. Spock enjoyed closeness like this with Jim in the past, and it always came with a warm feeling, but this was suddenly different. The warm feeling was much stronger now and different, settling beneath his skin and making it feel like his blood was going to boil.

He very badly wanted to kiss Jim. They only ever kissed goodbye, but Spock had lately found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss deep and passionately as he’d seen humans do in movies. The thought was only amplified when he felt Jim reach for his hand under the blankets. He longed to show Jim the proper way to Vulcan kiss with hands.

Jim looked into his eyes, and Spock had found he was so enamored over their color, even more than he usually was. They leaned in, their breaths mingling in the same space. Spock reached up to place his hand on Jim’s face.

Their moment was disturbed when Sanara walked into the living room. They practically jumped apart and desperately tried to focus their attention on the screen.

It had taken ages for that hot feeling to fade away. Spock longed to experience it with Jim again, but he had not wanted to make him uncomfortable. There were times in the past when Jim had seemed nervous about touching, and even though that had eased up considerably in the last few years, Spock was always extra considerate in case something made Jim go right back to that.

That feeling sometimes came back late at night, or Spock would wake up with that feeling after having some dream that he could not remember. He always felt slightly guilty about that, as he was fairly certain that he and Jim sometimes had the same dreams. He was not sure if this was due to their strong mental connection or not, but he hoped Jim never judged him for the thoughts of his subconscious mind that he could not control.

Spock was feeling warmer already as he walked down the long dirt road. He glanced to either side of the road and gazed out into the long fields. They were usually full of plants, but it seemed the cold weather was keeping the farmers indoors.

He paused as he spotted something in the distance. It took him a moment to realize it was the starship being built that Jim had once sent him several pictures of. It was barely started, but progress had been made since Spock had last seen it. Spock had only a few moments to admire it before he started shivering again. He had to keep walking.

Spock was quite cold when he finally spotted the Kirk farmhouse in the distance. It was odd that all of the lights were off. Spock checked his wrist chronometer and saw it was only a quarter until one in the morning. Spock felt bad that he would be waking Jim up when he arrived but he could not help that the train was so slow.

It was starting to snow again, and Spock kept his head down and tried not to let any of the cold flakes get under his hood and touch his ears.

Finally, he climbed the steps to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He could faintly hear it ring from inside, and his heart hammered in anticipation at seeing his human again.

“What are you selling!?” Jim shouted from inside. “It’s one in the fucking morning, I don’t want it!”

“I…have nothing to sell or buy, unless I must pay for your warm embrace.” Spock said, pulling down his scarf from his mouth.

Immediately, the door unlocked, and Spock felt Jim grab the sleeve of his coat and pull him inside. The warmth of the house was not as pronounced as Spock had imagined it to be, and the only light was coming from the few dying embers of the fireplace.

Still, Spock felt much warmer as he was finally face-to-face with his human, who was smiling warmly at him. He seemed to have been sleeping, as he was only wearing sweatpants and a white undershirt with no sleeves.

“Gosh, you’re freezing, Spock.” Jim hugged him tightly. Spock felt his heart leap as the hug lasted longer than usually socially acceptable, before they finally separated.

“I feel much warmer already.” Spock let his gaze travel over Jim’s body. He hoped he was being subtle. Jim just laughed.

“Did you _walk_ here?”

“From the station.” Spock took off his gloves and scarf.

“That’s three miles, Spock.” Jim crouched down by the fireplace and placed another log on.

“It felt longer.” Spock sat down on the hearth and closed his eyes.

“You’re lucky you’re so late. It just quit snowing a little while ago. It was so bad that it knocked out the power.”

“I was wondering why it seemed so dark.” Spock looked over at Jim. In the growing fire light, Spock could clearly see how golden Jim’s hair was, as well as how unkempt it had gotten lately. He could also see how pronounced Jim’s muscles were. Spock placed his hands on his knees to fight the urge to touch Jim’s arms.

“Yeah, the heat’s out too. I know that’s not what you wanna hear, but it should be back on by morning. Hold on, I’ll go get some stuff from the basement.”  Jim stepped back from the fire and Spock watched him grab a pair of socks from the floor and put them on, as well as an old sweatshirt from the sofa. Spock was secretly disappointed Jim would be covering his body, but he understood why. It was quite cold in here.

Spock stayed by the fire until he finally felt warm enough to shed his coat. He hung it by the door before taking off his boots and placing them by Jim’s shoes. He then went down to the basement.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be keeping warm.” Jim said around an armful of boxes.

“I am.” Spock said, resisting the urge to shiver in the colder part of the house.

“Take this.” Jim handed a box to Spock. “Come on, my feet are freezing!”

They went back upstairs where Jim reached into one box and pulled out a lantern. He placed it on the floor and turned it on. Immediately, the room was lit up considerably. Jim grinned at him.

“Gotta love fleet issued equipment. This should stay on all night.” Jim then went back digging through the box.

Spock placed down his own box and peered inside. As he was moving aside thick quilt inside, he glanced up to see that he had a nice view of Jim’s entire backside from this angle. He quickly looked back down and tried to fight the heat in his body from spreading to his face.

“Dammit…where the hell?” Jim sighed.

“What are you looking for?” Spock asked.

“The camp stove. I figured anything we make on it is gonna taste way better than replicated.”

“Is this it?” Spock took the quilt out and removed a tiny base and tube resembling a chemistry burner.

“Yep!” Jim picked it up. He then picked up the quilt and draped it over Spock’s shoulders. “Want some soup? I’ve only got tomato, but it’s pretty good.”

“I will have some.” Spock said.

“Fuck it’s freezing in here!” Jim said from the kitchen. There was some clattering before Jim ran back into the living room carrying a can and pot. “Okay, looks like we’re camping in here. I don’t even wanna _think_ about how cold it is upstairs.”

They sat in front of the tiny stove and watched as steam began to rise slowly from the pot. Jim then dashed back into the kitchen before returning with bowls. He poured soup in each one and they sat sipping it loudly. This would be quite uncouth on Vulcan.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Jim said. “I was getting all lonely. But what about that school tour thing?”

“T’Pring and I already toured the institution. It was quite fascinating. How is your schooling going?”

“Eh.” Jim averted his eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about school. You’re so lucky you’re almost done. I can’t believe you graduate a whole year before me, even with all your extra classes. I swear you must be on science level a million by now.”

“A billion.” Spock smirked into to soup.

“A billion then, you fucking nerd!” Jim laughed. “Now I wish I at least decorated for Christmas, or bought your present.”

“We can decorate together tomorrow. You also do not need to get me a present.” Spock said.

“You say that every year, but of course I’m gonna buy you a present, you nerd!”

“If you insist.” Spock had to admit he greatly treasured everything Jim had ever given him. The scarf he always wore was one of those things, as was the nail polish he had worn until the bottle was completely empty.

Spock looked up from his empty bowl to see Jim was watching him with a smirk on his face. It softened to a gentle smile. Spock smiled back.

“You look all warm and cozy.” Jim said, yawning loudly.

“I am quite warm now.” Spock nodded.

“I’m sleepy.” Jim chuckled. “I wanna go to bed.”

“I also need to sleep. We should get ready.”

Spock took their bowls to the kitchen. Even through the knit socks he was wearing, he could feel how ice-cold the floor was. He hurried back into the living room and saw that Jim was taking all the cushions off the sofa.

“I was sleeping here to be by the fire, but since you’re here, I thought we could pull the bed out for more room. You, uh, don’t mind sharing do you?”

“Not at all.”

Spock was quite surprised Jim was offering. Just a few short years ago, Jim had been shocked and appalled at the notion of sharing a bed like they once did as children. Or, rather, that was how it seemed to Spock.

Now it seemed all of the past qualms Jim had were gone. He pulled out the rather large cot-like bed and went to go get sheets and pillows. Spock took the opportunity to quickly change into his pajamas. It wasn’t that he had any qualms about doing so in front of Jim, it was just that it was very cold and he did not want to expose his skin for any longer than he had to.

“Here we go.”Jim put the sheets and pillows on the bed and took off his layers of shirts before climbing under the covers.

Spock just stared down at the bed. Both trying to save that image in his mind forever, and trying not to think of it as he got under the covers beside Jim.

“Are you cold?” Spock asked.

“Not anymore. I don’t wanna get too warm while I sleep.” He sat up and reached down to the floor to turn off the lantern.

It was another very nice view for Spock, this time of Jim’s arms and chest as he reached down. They were then plunged into darkness as Spock felt Jim lay back down beside him.

“Good night.” Spock said, though he suddenly was not as tired as he had been. He was very aware of Jim beside him with no shirt on.

“Yeah, night.” Jim said.

They laid silently for a while, before Jim rolled over and his foot brushed Spock’s. Spock did not move his foot away, even though it made him feel very warm, making it harder to fall asleep.

Eventually, the days’ worth of travelling and lack of proper bed caught up to him, along with the immense warmness of the fire and Jim’s body. He fell asleep to the gentle sound of Jim’s breathing.

His dreams were odd and very vivid. The sound of Jim’s breathing he’d fallen asleep to now sounded in his ear. Jim was so close to him, on top of him, and his scent surrounded Spock.

“Spock…” Jim’s hands were all over his body. Spock felt frozen in a very good way, though he was afraid that if he moved at all, then it would stop.

He stayed frozen as he felt a rush of cold air. Jim was pulling his clothes off, exposing his skin to the elements. He shivered, pressing himself closer to the human’s hot body.

“Spock.” Jim touched him.

“Spock!”

Jim roughly shook Spock’s shoulder. Spock’s eyes flew open and he sat up in the bed. His breathing was still heavy, and he was sure he was still blushing.

“Whoa! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Jim laughed. “I just made you some breakfast, and I didn’t want you to miss out. And look, the power’s back!”

Spock looked around to see that the lights were on. Jim was smiling at him from the side of the bed. His chest was covered by an old t-shirt, but Spock could still see the stems of the roses on his left shoulder tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve.

“What time is it?” Spock pulled his legs up to his chest and kept the blanket over himself as he tried to steady his breathing.

“Just after ten. I had to go out and tend to the animals this morning. I know you love them, so I almost woke you up so you could come with me, but you just looked so peaceful that I didn’t wanna disturb you.”

“It is unusual for me to sleep this late.” Spock slowly got out of bed and began fixing the covers. However, it occurred to him now that if the heat and electricity were back, then they would likely be sleeping in different rooms tonight and no longer needed the foldout bed.

“Must be jet-lag. Come on, come eat some eggs and stuff I made.” Jim led him into the kitchen, where they had breakfast.

Spock sat down at the table to eat his eggs and drink his tea, while Jim sat directly on the counter and drank coffee.

“You made this?” Spock inquired.

“Yep. Impressed?” He grinned over the rim of his mug.

“Yes.”

“Ha! Well, I figured it was either I learn to cook or be I’d stuck eating take-away and replicated garbage forever. Besides, we literally live on a farm surrounded by food. It should be easy.”

“I have also been cooking frequently at home since Sanara and I have divided the chores to help Romar.” Spock sipped his tea. “Perhaps I could cook for you while I stay here.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Jim smiled at him, and Spock felt his heart rate speed up.

“I must meditate now.” Spock said as he placed his dishes in the sink.

“Oh. Okay.” Jim got down from the counter. “Afterwards, do you wanna go into town? I have to get some stuff, and we can grocery shop together. Hopefully it won’t be too crowded, even though Christmas is in a few days.”

“I would enjoy that.” Spock nodded.

He went into the living room to get his favorite incense from his bag. He was just about to go upstairs to the guest room when it occurred to him that he could hear Jim in the kitchen washing dishes. That, along with the gentle outside noises of nature made Spock think that it could be easy to relax in here.

He took matches from the fireplace and lit his incense burner on the coffee table. He then sat down on the hearthrug and closed his eyes. He focused on the sounds he could hear before gently tuning them out.

In the peaceful space of his mind, Spock was unaware of Jim coming into the room and sitting down in front of him. Yet, something tugged at his mind, and Spock opened his eyes to see Jim smiling at him.

“Am I disturbing you?”

“No.” Spock said.

“Okay. Good.” Jim placed his hands on his knees the way Spock did. “How do you even get so peaceful? Isn’t the point of meditating not to think about anything? How do you just not think about anything?”

“It takes a lot of practice. Vulcans learn to meditate from a very young age. That is not to say that you cannot learn now. Close your eyes.”

Jim did so, and Spock was now aware that he could stare at Jim all he wanted now without him knowing. Still, he tried not to do so, as it would be rude.

“Now what?”

“Simply clear your mind. It may be difficult. Thoughts will come, but you must just let them pass and not focus on them. For Vulcans, this strengthens our telepathic shields, but in humans, it has many different benefits.”

“Your voice is really relaxing. Maybe I should just focus on that.” Jim steadied his breathing and kept his eyes closed. Somewhat surprised, Spock stared at him until he recalled he should be meditating as well. He closed his eyes again.

They sat in silence for a while, their breathing almost perfectly in sync. Spock slowly tuned out his other senses and was only aware of the scent of the human in front of him. His mind was completely clear, when he suddenly heard a voice in his head.

_“Spock…”_

“What?” Spock opened his eyes.

“What?” Jim opened his as well and looked around.

“Did you…?” Spock blinked. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“I thought I heard you…or someone…saying my name.”

“No, I was trying to be super relaxed and quiet. I was trying not to think of anything, but that part is kinda difficult.” Jim stretched and shifted on the floor. “Maybe it was just the wind.”

“Y-Yes, perhaps.”

Spock looked down. He was sure he heard a voice, but not just any voice. It was Jim’s voice saying his name. Could it be that Jim had somehow managed to tap into their mental link? Spock had been trying to do that for years after once doing it accidentally, but he was never able to succeed.

“I think I’m done for now.” He stood up and stretched again, making his shirt pull up and exposing a bare strip of skin at his waist. Spock stared shamelessly until Jim lowered his arms. “I’m gonna go get dressed.”

When he was finally gone, Spock tried to get back to meditation, but he could not focus. This was exactly why he needed to meditate. His thoughts were straying to places without logic.

Spock gave up and got dressed, bundling back into his coat and scarf. Jim came back wearing a soft looking sweater and jeans. He grabbed his coat from the rack by the door and Spock had to keep his hands busy by putting on his gloves in order to keep them to himself.

Spock was shaken by how cold it was as he followed Jim out. Jim seemed to think the same, as he gasped and groaned, his breath coming out in fog.

“Ah, I shoulda started the truck earlier so it could heat up!” Jim fumbled in his coat pocket for the keys before running ahead. A few steps later, Jim slipped on the ice covering the driveway and fell back. Spock reacted almost instinctively, and caught Jim under the arms before he hit the ground.

“Are you alright?” Spock lifted him to his feet.

“Y-Yeah.” He grinned, the cold making his face pink. “I almost busted my ass. Thanks.”

They got into the truck and Spock put on his seatbelt as Jim started the engine and turned on the heat. He glanced sideways at Jim and noticed he was wearing his usual eyeliner and blue eye shadow. Spock longed to tell him how much he favored that color on him, but he did not want to make Jim uncomfortable or distract him from his driving.

“So, first we’ll hit the grocery store, and then I figured we could hit the lot across the street for a tree.”

“Tree?”

“Christmas tree, Spock.” Jim smiled at him. “I know we always did a fake one at Pike’s, but that was because he didn’t want to get the needles everywhere. I prefer the smell of a real tree, though.”

“I would also enjoy a real tree. It is more authentic that way.” Spock felt slightly bad about the trees being cut down in their prime, but that was their purpose.

At the grocery store, Spock followed Jim up and down the aisles as they examined all of the produce. It was all locally grown, and Jim seemed to know what he was doing and what he was looking for.

Spock raised an eyebrow as Jim put onions and tomatoes in the cart.

“What? I told you I was gonna cook for you. Did you think I meant canned food?” He grinned.

“Of course not. But you should understand that it is Vulcan custom that the guests cooks as well. I will go find the ingredients I need.”

“Fine, but I call dibs on Christmas Eve. And day! You can make side dishes.”

“Affirmative.”

Spock wandered around the store and looked at the contents of each shelf. On Vulcan, everyone grew their food in their gardens or purchased it locally grown. Some things were kept in preservatives and shipped to other provinces on the planet, but there was not much at all that came in boxes like this.

Nearly anything one could want was boxed or canned. Spock found canned mushrooms, celery, beets, and even pumpkin. He was unsure if it tasted the same, but he hoped the difference was not noticeable.

There was a box of vanilla cake that drew Spock’s attention. He carried that along with an armful of other miscellaneous things back to the cart. Jim glanced at it all as he placed in more items.

“Hey, that box cake is actually not bad, especially with our milk and eggs from the farm.” He looked over at Spock, and then just past his shoulder before dropping the box back into the cart and taking Spock by the wrist.

“Jim?”

“Uh, come here.” Jim pulled him further down the aisle.

“Jim?” Spock looked back at their abandoned cart at the end of the aisle before Jim darted around the corner and pressed himself to the shelf.

“I thought I saw…Ah!” Jim peeked back around the corner before drawing back.

Spock peered around as well and saw two human males around their age. Spock recognized one of them as wearing a jacket with the emblem for Riverside High School. They got their items before walking towards the other end of the aisle.

Jim pulled Spock back and crouched behind him as the boys passed. Spock looked from them to Jim in utter confusion; before it slowly dawned on him that Jim must know them from school.

Spock once recalled an unfortunate time in his youth when he had been embarrassed to be seen with his mother in the shops where his classmates frequented. He had outgrown that feeling, but he still recognized the signs in Jim. Hiding until they were gone was exactly what Spock used to do.

Spock immediately felt quite bad, his mood dropping significantly. Was Jim embarrassed to be seen with him? He could not help the emotional reaction he was having. It was like his heart was breaking. He shoved his hands in his coat pocket and kept his gaze down for the rest of the trip.

Jim did not seem to notice at first. They paid for their groceries and Jim placed them in the back of the truck as Spock just got in the passenger’s seat.

He knew it was wrong to let emotions dictate his actions, but he could not help but keep replaying in his mind the way Jim had not wanted to be seen with him. He could not recall Jim behaving that way in the past, but he also could not recall ever seeing Jim’s friends when they were out together.

Down the road, Jim parked and they got out in a lot full of cut trees. A salesperson tried to assist them, but Jim assured him that they knew what they were looking for.

“Spock, where are all those notes you took on healthy evergreens?” Jim asked as he crouched down by one tree. He gave it a gentle shake to see if the needles would fall off.

“I do not have them with me.” Spock mumbled. That was true, but he was sure he could recall it all if he tried. He did not want to try.

“Oh, well, whatever. Do you think this one’s too short?”

“I do not know.”

“Do you want a taller one?”

“I do not care.”

“Spock, what’s wrong?” Jim stood up. “Are you okay?”

“I…” Spock had never had trouble discussing his emotions with Jim before. In fact, Jim was the one person that Spock could discuss emotion with, and he could not lie to him. “I must admit, I am feeling emotion. You upset me.”

“When? I swear I didn’t mean to. What did I do?” Jim placed his hands on Spock’s shoulders.

It did instantly comfort him. He considered brushing off the offense at the hopes that Jim would be relieved and hug him, but that would not truly solve the problem.

“Why were we hiding from your friends at the store?” Spock asked.

“My friends? Oh, you mean those guys.” Jim sighed.

“Did you not want to be seen with me?”

“That’s not it!” Jim squeezed his shoulders. “I just didn’t want to them to see me. We kinda had…a fight at school.”

“Where you hurt?”

“Not a physical fight, just a huge argument over…something dumb. I just didn’t want to have to say anything to them.”

“I think I understand.” Spock had never had an argument with fallout that lasted for more than one day. Such display of emotion was foreign to him, but he was quite relieved to know the truth.

“I’d never been embarrassed to be seen with you. I thought you knew that.” Jim reached for his hand, and though they were both wearing gloves, Spock could still feel tingles up his arm.

“Then I apologize for getting emotional.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Jim squeezed his hand. “I like that you’d tell me if you’re upset. It can’t be easy to be honest about your emotions when you’re Vulcan.”

“I find it easiest to be honest with you.”

Jim smiled at him, and Spock felt his heart race again. It was as if insides were being stitched back together and were now much better. He felt so happy inside compared to just moments ago. He found himself smiling back. Could now be a good time to compliment Jim’s makeup?

“Ha, well, let’s get tree-picking, then.” Jim turned back to examine one, and Spock crouched down beside him. “This one’s really green, and there aren’t too many gaps in between the branches. What do you think?”

“Beautiful.” Spock said, though he was actually looking directly at Jim.

They settled on that one and the salesperson loaded it into the bed of the truck. Spock relaxed in the warmness of the vehicle as Jim drove them back home. Now that he was feeling better, he tried to picture what he would be cooking for Jim tonight.

Spock lifted the tree from the bed of the truck and carried it inside. Jim followed behind with the grocery bags.

“Whoa, you’re so strong, Spock!”

“Earth’s gravity increases my strength, and it is not very heavy.” Spock said, though he was likely blushing anyways.

“Uh, hold on just a sec.” Jim ran down to the basement and returned with the stand.

He placed it on the floor and Spock placed the tree in. When he stepped back, he noticed he was covered in pine needles.

“Hmm, I don’t remember getting _two_ trees.” Jim grinned and looked at Spock’s needle-covered body.

“Three.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim tightly, trying to transfer as many needles as he could to Jim’s coat. Jim laughed and wiggled in his grip, before wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck.

They stood hugging for a moment, the scent of pine and Jim imbedding itself into Spock’s body. Spock was not one to get overheated, but he suddenly felt too warm. He quickly let go. Jim then chuckled and pulled back.

“Now I’m really hot.” Jim took off his coat and shook off the needles. He then took off his boots, socks, and t-shirt, leaving him in just jeans and an undershirt.

His whole arms were exposed, and Spock could not control his staring as Jim tossed his clothes onto the neatly made pull out bed. Jim looked at Spock with a slight smirk before stretching his arms over his head, causing his shirt to ride up and exposing the line of skin at his waist.

Spock quickly turned around and busied himself with taking off his gloves, scarf, and coat and then trying to pick off each individual pine needle from his robes.

They went downstairs and brought back up several boxes of Christmas decorations. Jim lit the fireplace again before playing classical Christmas music on his PADD.

“Festive?” He asked Spock with a grin.

“Quite.”

Spock carefully untangled several strings of lights and put them around the tree. When he plugged them in, it was starting to look like the Christmas decorations Spock always remembered.

“I think these are ornaments.” Jim opened a box and then chuckled. “Oh, uh…this isn’t.”

Thick pieces of colored paper were stacked at the bottom under the smaller box of ornaments. Jim lifted them out and attempted to pull them apart, though the glue and glitter stuck to them all made it difficult. He handed one to Spock.

It was crayon drawings they had made together as children. The one Spock had showed Jim and Spock catching frogs by the creek. Spock had recalled using glitter for the stars, but most of it had fallen off.

“God, we were such dorks.” Jim chuckled and flipped through them.

Spock picked up another one and saw it depicted them sitting in the corn stalks holding hands. Spock recognized the crown of flowers on their heads and realized it was a drawing of their betrothal ceremony. Spock did not remember this picture, but he could tell by the style that Jim had been alone in drawing this one.

“I think this is supposed to be the cows, but you’re style is a little… off, bud.” Jim laughed and held up a drawing depicting scribbles with legs. Spock wordlessly handed him the one he held, and Jim smiled. “It’s us.”

“Indeed.”

“I think we’re getting married.”

“Yes.”

Jim looked down at it again before smiling up at Spock. Spock began to feel warm again –too warm. He picked up the box of colored ornament balls and began putting on the tree in a coordinated pattern. After a moment, Jim helped by putting on the other ornaments.

“It looks great.” Jim stepped back and put his hands on his hips.

“Perfect.” Spock placed the star on top and tried to keep it from leaning.

“It always leans like that. Just let it flop over. It’s fine.”

Spock let go and though the star sloped at an angle, he had to admit that it was a very nicely decorated Christmas tree. Jim went back to the boxes and looked for more decorations. As he went to hang a garland over the door to the kitchen, Spock reached for one of the other boxes.

Under ceramic Santas, Spock found a box with a plastic sprig of mistletoe. He looked from it to Jim, who was standing on a chair and trying to drape the garland over the doorway. He knew the tradition of mistletoe meant that if they were caught underneath, they had to kiss.

All though kissing was the most wonderfully fascinating thing, Spock did not want Jim to feel obligated to do so. Jim only seemed comfortable giving him quick pecks goodbye before long periods of time when they would not see each other. Spock doubted he would be comfortable doing it now. He pushed it to the bottom of the box.

“What’s in there?” Jim asked, coming back over after having crookedly hung the garland. Spock quickly grabbed an item from the box and handed it to Jim for a distraction. He then took out the Santa and all the ceramic reindeer and began lining them up in order on the mantle. Spock was grateful the order of the reindeer had been drilled into his memory via the classic song.

“Oh, wow.”

Spock turned to see Jim was still looking at whatever it was Spock had handed him. Spock walked back over and saw that it was not a decoration, but a silver picture frame. Spock looked down at it through the thin layer of dust over the glass.

He could have sworn for a split second that the person in the center of the photo was Jim, but closer inspection showed some differences. That, along with recognizing the women beside him as Winona, led Spock to realize he was clearly seeing a picture of Jim’s father for the first time.

“Oh my God, look who it is!” Jim pointed at a handsome dark-haired man beside the late George Kirk, and Spock realized it was a much younger Captain Pike.

“Fascinating.”

“Ha. He was kinda good-looking.” Jim said before glancing up at Spock. “Uh, don’t ever tell him I said that.”

Jim put the picture back in the box. Spock wondered why Jim did not want to keep it out, until he realized that Jim might still have anger towards his mother over her leaving.

“Are we sufficiently decorated?” Spock asked, closing the boxes back up.

“Wait, our stockings! They need to go over the fireplace. I think I saw them in here.” Jim opened one of the boxes again. Spock’s heart leapt nervously as he wondered if Jim would find the mistletoe.

“Did you find them?”

“Yep!” He pulled them out and hung them. Spock recognized his as one Jim had gotten for him during their second Christmas together. Spock would have been just as content eating candy from the bag rather than finding it in a sock, but Jim had insisted.

“Now it is perfect?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Yep.” Jim looked at him and smiled. “Perfect.”

That afternoon, Jim went out to help the caretaker with the animals. Spock took that opportunity to put his gifts for Jim under the tree after wrapping them. He was lucky to find a roll of gift-wrap that was only partially squashed in one of the boxes.

He then put on his coat and boots and walked outside. Tiny flecks of snow were beginning to fall, and Spock pulled up his hood as he made his way to the chicken coop.

“Hey, you wanna help me with the chickens?” Jim leaned on the fence post and smiled at Spock before handing him a bucket of feed. Spock came through the fence and followed Jim to the coop.

The chickens began to hop outside as they heard Jim and Spock tossing their food on the ground. Spock tried to place down even portions closer and closer to himself so that the chickens would approach him. His soft spot for Terran animals had never faded, no matter how old he got.

“Come on, Spocks. Get the food!” Jim was tossing it all around and laughing when the chickens flapped their wings and fluttered a few feet.

“Are they all named after me?” Spock raised an eyebrow and looked up from patting a hen on the head.

“Well, yeah.” Jim chuckled. “It was just the one at first, but then chicks kept hatching, and I couldn’t really tell them apart enough to give them all different names, so I just started calling them all Spock. They respond to it.”

“Do they?”

“Hey, Spock. Come here little Spocks!” Jim called and several of the chickens flocked to surround Jim in a circle. They all stared up at him expectantly. Even the hen Spock had been petting looked over curiously before abandoning Spock to go to Jim.

“Fascinating. Either they recognize the name you gave them, or they all simply recognize you as one of their primary caregivers.”

“Either one is fine with me.” Jim tossed down some food and they all began clucking. “I like taking care of them. They’re so funny sometimes.”

“Terran animals are fascinating.” Spock nodded and came closer to one before crouching back down again. He did not want to risk being pecked on the hand, so he just watched them for a while. Jim crouched down too, and Spock noticed none of the chickens seemed to mind when Jim pet their heads.

“Aw, you guys are so cute. Look at this Spock, such a cutie. You’re so precious, Spock. I love you so much.”

Spock knew Jim was talking to the chickens, but he could not help but blush slightly as he heard Jim say such nice things. He looked over and watched the way Jim was smiling at the animals. He looked so beautiful.

He blinked and looked up as he felt a snowflake land on his nose. He opened his hand and watched more flakes land in his palm.

“Jim, it is starting to snow.”

“Let’s get these guys inside, then.” Jim stood up. “Come on Spocks! Back inside!”

Jim walked backwards up the ramp entrance into the coop. All of the chickens followed, and Spock trailed behind. In the coop, Jim tried to make each chicken roost in their stall by giving them more food. Spock took a basket and began gathering all of the eggs.

“I got milk from the cows too. We can make some cake tonight!” Jim said.

It was quite cramped in the coop, and as Spock turned around, he could he was face to face with Jim. There were pieces of straw in Jim’s hair that nearly blended with the color.

“You’ve got straw on your coat.” Jim reached out and pulled a piece of it off Spock’s shoulder. His hand then lingered there for a moment before moving to his hair, his fingers brushing against the tip of Spock’s ear. “And in your hair.”

“As do you.” Spock hoped Jim would tend to his own hair, but at the same time, he was enjoying Jim touching him. His hand went down and rested against Spock’s shoulder, before going lower and resting flat against his chest.

Perhaps it was Spock’s warped perception, but he was sure that Jim was leaning closer and closer, just by a fraction of an inch. Spock knew that if he looked into Jim’s eyes, then he would not be able to resist. All of his logic would fall away and leave his warm emotional desires to take over.

He did not want to do that. He did not want to make Jim uncomfortable. Spock stepped back and gasped as his back hit the wall of stalls. The chickens began clucking loudly and flapping their wings. Spock gasped as one of his eggs fell from the basket and smashed on the floor.

The chickens clucked louder, and Jim laughed before taking Spock by the arm and pulling him back outside. As they walked back to the house, Spock looked down at the basket.

“I lost an egg.”

“Oh, that’s okay. We have plenty.” He stopped by the barn to get the bottles of milk. They were now cold from having sat out in this weather. “Hey, do you remember that time we dyed eggs at Easter?”

“I recall hiding them for you, and you never found them all.” Spock smiled slightly at the memory.

“I found one like months later in a tree stump.” He laughed.

Inside the house, Spock took off his coat and went into the kitchen to start the cake. If Jim wanted to make dinner, then Spock would but all of his effort into the dessert.

He preheated the oven and began carefully measuring the ingredients. He was just reading the back of the box for instructions when Jim came up behind him.

“Here, you don’t wanna get stuff all over your clothes.” Jim placed an apron over Spock’s neck and began tying it behind him.

“Thank you. This is logically efficient.”

 “You don’t wanna get stuff all over you.” Jim set out some of the groceries they’d bought and started on some sort of vegetable stew.

Spock poured the cake batter into a pan, crouching eye-level to make sure it was even in the pan. He glanced up as Jim leaned over and took the spoon and bowl Spock had been using and began licking the batter off.

Spock’s eyes snapped up and he watched Jim with a mixture of curiosity and mild disgust. He shouldn’t just put his mouth all over equipment that Spock might be using. It was so unsanitary! It was so very…wrong. Spock couldn’t look away. His mind rapidly constructed a scene in which Jim’s tongue was instead passing over his skin instead. It was just like his dream.

Jim looked over to where Spock was still crouched down, and gave him a smile before sticking the spoon back in his mouth. Spock stood up and turned away, placing the pan in the oven. He couldn’t look at Jim. He was getting much too warm.

He focused for a while on washing all of the utensils they used in cold water. It was helping the heat in his body stay down, and keeping his mind occupied. That was, until Jim accidentally got food on his undershirt. He took it off and tossed it into the laundry room, leaving him completely shirtless.

Spock suppressed a sigh as he dried his hands and left the kitchen. He mumbled something about finishing his meditation and went upstairs. It was cool and clean in the guest room Spock locked himself in. The only thing was that he did not have any of his incense, but he could make it work.

He sat down on the floor and closed his eyes. He had to erase these thoughts from his mind. He had to control his urges. He remembered the way he used to touch Jim so often without a care. He could not do that now that he knew it might make him uncomfortable.

His hands and thoughts must be kept to himself. He stayed still, meditating until all thoughts of Jim were gone. He thought of nothing. He just focused on the calm space in his mind.

It was the first time he’d truly meditated to a calm state in a while. When he opened his eyes and was aware again, he saw the sun was going down and it was still snowing. He closed the curtains and went back downstairs.

“Hey, dinner’s almost ready. I got your cake cooled too.” Jim smiled at him. Spock was relieved to see he’d put another shirt on.

“You frosted it.” Spock looked at the white cake out on the counter.

“Yeah, I just used the canned stuff. It was hard to make it look perfect, but you don’t really mind, right?”

“I do not. It is just that I planned to make it for you.”

“Well, the timer went off and I didn’t wanna mess up your meditation.” Jim shrugged. Spock studied Jim’s face to see if he was annoyed or bothered but he not seem to be. He glanced over at Spock and smiled. “Sit.”

Spock sat and Jim made him a bowl of stew. Spock was curious as to whether it would be good, as Jim had said he wasn’t following any recipe, but he found that he very much enjoyed it. Jim sat on the counter as he had that morning and ate his portion.

“Aren’t you going to sit at the table?” Spock asked.

Jim got down from the counter, came over, and sat on the table, his feet resting in the chair he should have been sitting at. Spock decided not to press the issue.

After dinner, they had cake, and Spock had to admit that he did like it, even though he was usually not one to eat many sweets. The best part was seeing how much Jim enjoyed it.

“You won’t judge me for having a third piece?”

“No judgment here.”

“Nice!” Jim cut another piece. Spock sipped his after-dinner tea, and was just about to ask Jim if they could play chess, when all the lights in the kitchen went out. “Very funny, Spock.”

“I did not do that.”

“Oh.” Jim got down from the table and Spock heard the light switch being flipped. “Shit. No again.”

Spock stood up and peered out the kitchen window. All he could see was snow falling against the growing-black sky. Jim stood beside him and sighed.

“This happens often?” Spock asked.

“No. I think it’s just because of how old the wiring is. I’ve tried talking to my mom about switching us to solar or wind power….you know, like ninety percent of Earth is on, but she said she didn’t have the time or money.”

“I see.” Spock nodded. “No matter. I will use my superior night vision to assist you, human.”

“Haha, okay. Lead the way, alien.” Jim took hold of Spock’s arm.

Spock fought the urge to blush as he led Jim back into the living room. Jim found the lantern and turned it back on. He also found a box of Christmas candles. He and Spock placed them around and lit them, giving the room a gentle festive scent.

“This isn’t so bad.”

“I suppose not.” Spock shook his head. He picked up his bag from where he had left it the night before. “I should bathe now. May I borrow some candles?”

“Wait, use this. I’ve got plenty of light in here for now.” Jim handed him the lantern. “Don’t get lost!”

“My night vision is aiding me. Do not worry.” Spock climbed the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom. He was usually one to take a bath in near-boiling conditions, but he kept it slightly cool this time. It seemed to help just a tad.

Afterwards, he came back down in pajamas and saw Jim setting up a card tables and chairs. Jim looked up and grinned.

“Did you use all my hot water?”

“No.”

“I’m just teasing.” He chuckled. “So, you wanna play some chess? I’ve got a new strategy I wanna try out. I’ve been practicing by myself, but that’s not as fun.”

“I would enjoy that.” Spock nodded.

“The only thing is, I think the board is in my room somewhere.”

“I have our light source.” Spock held up the lantern.

“Then, let’s go. Mission objective, and all that.”

They went upstairs to Jim’s room and Spock opened the door. He was immediately stunned at the sight of clothes, books, and general trash lying all over the floor.

“Hm. You seem to be unable to locate something in this extremely messy room? I am quite shocked.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up and hold the lantern. I think it’s under here somewhere.” Jim crouched down and began digging under the bed.

Spock distracted himself by looking around the room. He looked over the desk and saw a hole in the wall, as if it’d been punched there. He then looked over the bed and saw a familiar paw of a stuffed dog sticking out of the pillowcase.

“Found it!” Jim pulled the box out from under the bed. “Come on, it’s freezing up here. I’ll put on the fireplace downstairs.”

They sat by the fire playing chess for several hours. Spock noticed Jim did seem to have a new strategy, but Spock could not focus on it. Their hands kept touching, and it was taking all of Spock’s control not to do something crazy. Perhaps that was part of the strategy, as Jim ended up winning most of their games.

As they played, they talked all about what was going on in their respective lives. It was actually mostly Spock talking, as anytime he tried to steer the conversation towards Jim’s school life, Jim would mumble something and turn it right back around on Spock.

Spock did not really mind talking, but he made a mental note to try to find out why Jim was avoiding certain subjects. Perhaps it was just that he didn’t want to talk about school while he was on break, but Spock had a feeling it was deeper than that.

“So, is your sister hitched yet?” Jim asked as he looked up from the board.

“Jim, she is only seven.” Spock looked down to avoid the human’s gaze, and to assess the move he’d just made.

“Isn’t that the ideal age to do that?”

“Usually, but she is adamant that she wants to pick her own bond-mate. As of now, she remains undecided.” Spock reached for a piece before withdrawing his hand.

“She still wants a girl?”

“It seems so. Whoever she will choose will have to be very high-maintenance, as it seems that is how she is growing up to be.”

“Or, maybe they should be really laid back to contrast with her personality. You know, opposites attract. I think that makes the best relationships. What do you think?” Jim smiled at him, and Spock noticed their hands were inches apart on the table.

“That is true in certain cases.”Spock put his hands in his lap.

“Yeah.” Jim’s face seemed to fall. “Not always, I guess.”

Spock won that game, miraculously. It seemed Jim’s strategy was not perfect. Spock lorded it over Jim just a tad, and it seemed to boost his mood, despite the fact that Spock was bragging.

“Okay, okay, so you won one time.” He cracked a smile and stood up. “I guess you earned a drink. You want some hot chocolate?”

“Vulcans cannot –“

“Have chocolate. I know, but who’s gonna know? We’re all alone. Don’t you wanna indulge just a little, for once in your life? Breaking the rules is fun, or have you learned nothing from me?”

“I…shouldn’t.” Spock knew the intoxicating effects would mean his inhibitions would be lowered. If that were to happen, nothing would be able to make him keep his hands to himself. He could not do that to Jim.

“Come on, just a little bit?” Jim sat on the floor with the tiny camp stove.

“Jim…”

“I’ll make you a small one.”

Spock new there was no use in arguing, and that Jim was going to do whatever he wanted anyways. He watched Jim heat milk on the tiny stove and stir in the powder. It did smell very good, especially when Jim put in marshmallows. He sat back down at the table with two large mugs.

“Sir.” He handed one to Spock.

Spock sighed and took a sip. He immediately felt warm tingles spread throughout his body. The effect of chocolate on Vulcans was intoxicating, but the process for one to get that way did not feel the same as human drunkness. It was much faster. That’s why Spock stopped after a few sips. Well, he was _going_ to stop, but it was very good.

“Wanna play again?” Jim set the chess pieces back up, and Spock nodded.

Spock was losing again, he realized a little while later, but he did not care. He was having too much fun. It was fun watching Jim’s hands touch the pieces. It was fun watching his arm muscles beneath his sleeves, and it was fun watching his sexy smile beneath that light mop of hair.

“Your strategy is logically flawless.” Spock said in amazement as Jim was nearing another victory.

“Thanks.” He chuckled. “It’s..uh…it’s not that genius, or anything. The trick is –no, I shouldn’t say.”

“Tell me.” Spock gripped the table, moving the board and their empty mugs. “Tell me so that I may steal it and perfect it for my own use.”

Jim laughed hard, but Spock did not let up. He narrowed his eyes and huffed. Jim looked up, and in realizing that Spock was being serious, or, as serious as he could be in this state, finally relented.

“I just…you don’t realize it, but you’re easily distracted. If I see you make a move, I can usually predict what you’re gonna do.”

“So, you just predict what I am doing and act accordingly?” Spock asked. That did not sound like a very original strategy. It was barely a strategy.

“No, that’s not it.” He chuckled. “The point is…to distract you, so you mess up.”

“Which can be achieved by…?” Spock did not like where this was going.

“Which can be achieved by touching your hand.” Jim pointed to his opposite hand and smirked.

Spock frowned and stood up from the table, folding his hands across his chest. He turned away from the table just as Jim stood up.

“You should not do that.” Spock said through gritted teeth.

“I’m…sorry? I was just kidding around.” Jim stepped towards his back, but Spock stepped forward, his eyes resting on the dying embers. “Spock, I was just kidding around. Are you okay?”

“Yes. I should not have had any chocolate. I feel…odd.”

He was feeling particularly emotional. He wanted to yell at Jim. How dare he use Spock’s strange feelings against him? He wanted to cry. How dare he feel this way when it was obviously wrong? Holding hands was supposed to be innocent and fun, but Spock’s mind did bad things with it now. He did not want these things to become known.

“Spock?” Jim placed his hands on Spock’s shoulders. Spock turned around to face him. “Are you…mad at me?”

“Never.” Spock took a deep breath. “I must sleep. I should have not had any chocolate.”

“I won’t give it to you anymore. I’m sorry. I just wanted you to relax.” Jim rubbed his hand up and down Spock’s arm.  “Come on, I’ll put you in bed. It’s late anyways.”

Spock expected Jim to help him upstairs, but found that Jim was laying him down on the pullout bed that they had not even put back up. He wanted to argue that he should sleep upstairs, but up there was likely very cold. It was very warm here.

Jim covered him with the layers of quilts. Spock curled up in a ball and watched Jim cross the room, putting away their mugs, the chess set, and blowing out all the candles. He then laid down beside Spock, and turned off the lantern.

“Jim, are you asleep?” Spock whispered after a moment.

“No.”

“I just wanted to say that I am sorry.”

“For what?”

“I…do not know. You may hold my hand if you truly want to.” Spock reached towards Jim under the blankets.

“Do you want me to?” Jim turned towards him. Spock was grateful he could not see very well in the darkness.

“Yes.” Spock whispered, blushing deeply.

He felt Jim grab his hand, shifting so that their fingers were intertwined and their palms pressed together. It made Spock feel so warm and happy. It was the way he always felt when they held hands before.

Yes, he thought as he fell asleep, this was perfectly okay.

What was not okay was waking up several hours later with his arms completely wrapped around Jim.

He blinked and looked up towards the window. Beyond the layer of frost, he could see the sun was up. He looked down at the human in his arms. Jim’s face was pressed against Spock’s chest, and he was breathing softly. One arm was draped over Spock’s waist.

Spock was very glad that he had been sleeping a dreamless sleep just now. As much as he wanted to go back to sleep holding Jim, he knew he could not.

Spock carefully tried to wiggle away from Jim and roll away, but just as he extracted his arm from over Jim’s body and was working on how to get his other arm out from under him, he felt both of Jim’s arms tighten around him and felt the human’s face press harder into his chest.

“No.” Jim mumbled.

Spock tried again.

“No…” Jim squeezed him tighter. “Cold.”

“Jim?”

“I’m cold.” Jim said, his voice muffled. “Please keep me warm.”

“I…”

“I gotta get up in a minute and feed the cows. It’s probably so cold out there. Please just hold me.”

“This is not uncomfortable for you?” Spock asked, feeling Jim put his feet all over Spock’s.

“No. If I was uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have fallen back asleep when you first started spooning me. You’re really warm and cozy, you know.”

“I…I was holding onto you?” Spock blushed, hating his subconscious mind.

“Yeah, it was really cute.” Jim smiled against Spock’s chest, and as Spock lay contemplating, fell asleep again.

Spock did not dare move and wake him up again. But he also could not fall back asleep either, both because he was too aware of himself, and because he was afraid of what he would do if he did.

He just let Jim sleep. Spock held him close and savored the feeling of warm breath against his chest and warm feet against his own. Jim’s hair smelled so nice, and his arms and back looked so strong. Despite it being winter, Jim’s skin was still slightly tan. Spock closed his eyes and tried to meditate. It was only semi successful.

In his half-meditative state, he was aware of Jim finally gently rolling away from him and covering him back up with the blanket before leaving. Spock knew to be a polite guest and good friend, he should get up and go help Jim with the animals, but it was just so warm in bed.

When he heard Jim come back, instead of going to make breakfast, he felt Jim get back in bed with him. His clothes and skin were freezing.

“You are quite cold.”

“I know.” His teeth chattered as he cuddled closer to Spock, wrapping his arms around him again. Spock reciprocated, telling himself it was only logical to keep him warm. “Will you make breakfast later? The power’s back on.”

“What time is it now?”

“Almost ten.”

“It is getting late.”

“Brunch, then. I’m too cold to get up now, and you’re so warm.” Jim pressed closer to him.

“Brunch.” Spock agreed, wrapping his arms around the human.

Hours later, Spock did make pancakes and eggs for Jim. He felt well rested, but at the same time, his inner clock seemed to be messed up. Lying in bed all day was not something he normally did, but he could hardly resist when Jim was with him.

His body carried Jim’s scent for the rest of the day, even as Spock and Jim drove into town for more groceries. At one of the larger shopping centers in Riverside, Jim demanded that Spock go wait across the street at a café while Jim looked for a Christmas present for him.

With Christmas Eve being the following day, Spock wanted to make a comment about Jim’s procrastination, but he held his tongue as he walked across the street and stayed until Jim came to get him.

“Did you find what you desired?” Spock asked as they walked back towards the truck.

“Maybe.” Jim peered into the bag he was carrying with an unreadable expression.

That evening, Spock made dinner for Jim. It was not without Jim’s aide, as Jim kept popping over his shoulder to offer advice, or ask for a taste. Spock half-expected Jim to find some excuse to remove his shirt again, but it did not happen.

While the final product was simmering, Spock went upstairs to meditate. He thought it helped him to do so, as it seemed to stop him from having any dreams last night. He made sure to do it with his incense this time.

Sometime during it, he was aware of a tone. His PADD in his bag was alerting him with an incoming video call. He’d hardly been on it since he arrived, so it made sense that his parents or sister would call to check in. He was surprised however, that the call was from T’Pring.

“I was just wondering how your visit is going. The advanced classes are quite…lonely without anyone to compare notes with.”

Spock was surprised to hear something akin to admission that she missed him, but he would say that she was his closest non-relative friend, other than Jim.

Spock told her all about the winter air and the current status of all of the farm animals, as well as his endeavors in cooking.

“And how is your bond-mate?” She asked. “Or, what is it that Terrans call their betrothed? Fiancé?”

“Boyfriend is the more casual term.” Spock said. “He is fine.”

“That is better than what can be said of my current romantic status.” She sighed. “I decided to finally implement my plan to gain Trensu Kesh’s affection.”

“You did?” Spock was unaware she’d had such a plan, but that did not surprise him.

After training with Kesh until he reached a fairly skilled rank, Spock had let his love for science classes outweigh his love for the martial arts, and he had not joined Kesh’s class for a fourth term.

T’Pring did, and though she was the most skilled in his class, Spock knew her true reasoning had less to do with a love for the martial arts, and more for her all-consuming love for their teacher.

“Spock, dinner’s ready.” Jim opened the door to the guest room.

“In a moment. T’Pring was just going to tell me about how she finally gained Trensu Kesh’s affection.”

“Holy shit, did she really? Finally. She’s been chasing him for what, three years?” Jim chuckled as he sat down beside Spock and looked at the screen in Spock’s lap.

“That is not exactly the outcome of what happened.” She said, seemingly unfazed about now having another person listening. “After our last class, I waited behind until we were alone. I then asked if Kesh wanted to come with me to have some tea, and he agreed. It was the first time we had ever been together in a non-school related setting. We had both even changed from our sparring uniforms into ordinary robes.”

“So far, sounds promising.” Jim nodded for her to continue.

“We were drinking tea and discussing my progress in class, when I decided the best route was to be direct. I told him that I desired him romantically, and that we should be bond-mates.”

“That is extremely direct.” Jim blinked.

“He told me he already had a bond-mate. I then asked if he would consider breaking that bond and forming one with me.”

“Jesus Christ! You really said that?” Jim’s hand went over his mouth to cover his shocked smile. Spock had to admit that that was a tad too blunt for his taste, but he could understand why that would be something a Vulcan would say, especially one like her.

“Of course. It was a viable option.” She said. “But he declined. He told me that he has been with his bond-mate since they were children, and that he only desired her.”

“Eh, who needs that guy?” Jim scoffed. “You’ll find someone better. I never even thought Kesh was that hot anyways.”

“Perhaps I will find another desirable Vulcan when I begin my courses at the Science Academy.” She said. “A few of the professors were reasonably handsome.”

“Well, uh, good luck with that.” Jim stood up. “Come on, Spock. Dinner’s ready.”

“We must go now.” Spock told her. “We are celebrating an important Terran holiday.”

“Oh, alright. Live long and prosper.” She held up the ta’al.

“Peace and long life.” Spock returned the gesture before going with Jim.

“I think she’s right.” Jim said as they descended the stairs.

“Clarify.”

“You have to be really direct, especially with a Vulcan. Otherwise, they might never understand what you want, and you’ll just been laying down hints forever.”

“I suppose being direct is the best route.”

“We’ll see.” Jim mumbled to himself as he made plates. “So, after dinner, you wanna play a game?”

“Yes.” Spock vowed to make up for losing so many chess matches the night before.

After they ate, Spock watched Jim start the fireplace. That, combined with the lights on the Christmas tree, was giving the room a vey cozy look. Spock was glad the electricity was still on. He went towards the card table, but Jim sat down on the rug in front of the hearth and patted the spot beside him.

“Are we playing on the floor?” Spock asked as he sat down beside him. The entire point of setting up the table and chairs was so that they would not have to sit on the floor.

“We’re not gonna play chess.” Jim said. “We’re gonna play a different game. Hold on, I’ll get you a drink to relax, and then we can play. Just tea.” Jim added the last bit and chuckled when Spock raised an eyebrow at the suggestion of a drink. He did not want to feel the same as last night.

Finally, they relaxed by the fire with their drinks. The extra honey in Spock’s tea was relaxing him quite a bit. He felt very warm and content, with a blanket around his shoulders.

Jim had not suggested they play some other game is many years. Spock recalled the games of pretend they used to play, where he was never quite sure what was going on, and he relied mostly on Jim to tell him what to do, but he had a feeling that was not what this was either. He looked at Jim for an explanation.

“Have you ever played truth or dare?”

“I have not, but I believe I am familiar with the general concept. One person asks the other to choose truth or dare, they choose, and then the first person responds depending on what they chose. Correct?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“How do you know who wins?”

“Trust me, we’ll know.” Jim chuckled. “Why don’t I ask you first? Okay, truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Spock knew that since Vulcans never lied, it might be a bit of a cheat to pick truth, but he wanted to assess the game first and see how it truly played out before choosing the obviously riskier option.

“Hmm…” Jim looked around, seemingly thinking of the perfect question. “Have you ever…kissed anyone? Other than me, I mean. Like, another Vulcan?”

“No. Vulcans have other ways of showing physical affection.”

“What ways? Show me?”

“I believe you are only allowed one question per turn.” Spock held up one finger, and Jim scowled before sticking his tongue out. Spock ignored this childish display. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” He said instantly.

Spock had not been expecting that answer, so he had to take a moment to think of what he wanted Jim to do. He did not want to make Jim do anything that made him uncomfortable, but he was sure that there were rules saying the person being dared could back out if they were too uncomfortable.

It had to be something Jim would do, but also something Spock wanted him to do. He had to take advantage of the fact that it could be anything.

“I dare you to show me your tattoo.”

“Okay.” Jim went to lift one sleeve. “Wait, which one?”

“All of them.”

“Oh, okay.” Jim pulled his shirt off over his head, making the back of his hair stick up. He tossed his shirt aside, and looked at Spock, his whole upper body exposed. “Nice, right?”

Spock said nothing at first. He just starred at Jim. He placed his empty mug on the stone hearth and tried not to show anything on his face as his eyes roamed over the tan skin and colorful splashes of ink. He could feel himself blushing slightly, and it spread across his face as he looked and saw Jim was starring right back at him. Jim gave him a smirk.

“Appealing.” Spock said, his whole face hot as he reached for his empty mug and took a sip of air. He kept his eyes off Jim for a moment, but it seemed the heat in his face was not going away for now.

“Truth or dare?” Jim was still smiling at him.

“Dare.” Spock felt his heart jolt, as if he’d just made a mistake.

“Show me how Vulcans kiss.” Jim’s voice was a whisper.

Spock put down his mug and held out his hand. Jim furrowed his brows in confusion before smiling and placing his hand on Spock’s. Spock had never done this before with anyone, but he had seen the chaste version countless times.

He turned Jim’s hand over and placed two fingers on Jim’s palm. He then traced his fingertips up Jim’s index and middle finger and back down again, flattening the pads of his own fingertips against Jim’s skin.

There were slight tingles down his fingers as he did so, as if nerves he’d never been aware of were suddenly being activated. The heat in his face was back and burning. Spock looked up at Jim.

“Feels nice.” His whisper was slightly hoarser. “But we always…I mean, we’ve held hands, but this is different.”

“The implication comes from intent.” Spock wanted to make sure he understood that they were never participating in this act until now, regardless of how many times they’d held hands before.

“Truth or dare?” Spock gently took his hand back.

“Truth.”

“Would you...like to try it?”

“Do you want me to?”

“It is my turn to ask you.” Spock did not want to admit that he did want Jim to try it. He wanted it more than anything, he just wanted to make sure it was a mutual feeling. He had to hear Jim say yes.

“Then yes.” Jim was blushing now too. “I do want to.”

Spock held his hand out again. Jim slowly turned Spock’s hand palm-up and began to trace his fingertips across Spock’s palm and up to the tips of his middle and index finger before going back down again. The tingling was even stronger now than it had been when Spock had been doing it.

“Truth or dare?” Jim asked.

“T-Truth.” Spock whispered, struggling to stay composed.

“Does this feel good?”

Jim was slowly tracing across Spock’s palm, before going up and down each of his fingers. The entire underside of Jim’s fingers pressed against Spock’s own.

What they were now doing was absolutely lewd. It was completely indecent and vulgar in every sense of Vulcan conduct.

And Spock loved it.

“Yes.” Spock’s hand began to tremble slightly, but Jim held it gently, cradling it in one hand as his other still roamed over it.

“Does this hurt?” Jim asked as Spock shuddered. Jim had gone from gentle tracing to harder pressing. The pads of his fingers kneaded into the flesh of Spock’s palm.

“No.” Spock barely recognized his own voice, as it was now nearly as hoarse as Jim’s. The heat is body was building, just like in his dreams. He wondered if Jim could tell. He could barely get the words out. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Y-You should have picked truth.” Spock tried to pull his hand back.

“Truth, then.”

“What do you want from me?” Spock’s breath was trembling just like his hands as he finally pulled back completely. The touch was too much, and he could not stand it. “I –I do not want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Jim said with a reassuring smile. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“No.” Spock felt strange and warm, but not uncomfortable.

“Then what’s the problem?” Jim moved closer and got up on his knees, so that he towered over Spock.

Spock looked up at him as Jim rested one hand against his cheek. Spock closed his eyes for a moment and savored the intimate touch as Jim stroked his thumb along Spock’s cheek.

“Before… you were always very nervous. I never wanted to make you feel that way again.”

“That was before. We were kids. I felt so awkward, only because I liked you so much. I still do, but I don’t feel nervous like I used to. Well, I do sometimes, but a good nervous. It’s like I’m excited whenever I’m with you.” Jim blushed. “I used to think you could never like me. I thought eventually you’d start dating someone for real, but you never did. I just figured school kept you too busy, but then I realized that no matter how crazy school got, you always made time for me. Then I thought, hey, maybe you do like me.”

“I thought I was going to ruin what we had.” Spock opened his eyes. “It was becoming impossible to hide my desire for you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jim chuckled, bringing his other hand up to Spock’s face and rubbing his thumbs across Spock’s cheeks.  “You’ve been staring quite a lot lately.”

“Because you are beautiful.”  Spock uncertainly placed his hands on Jim’s bare chest. He could not believe he was actually allowed to do this. Jim was encouraging him by softly stroking his hair, his hand brushing the tip of Spock’s ear.

“Truth or dare?” Jim leaned down so that his breath was right in Spock’s ear.

“Dare.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck.

“I think you already know what I want.” Jim rested his forehead gently against Spock’s.

“I need to hear you say it, for maximum clarity.”

“Then I dare you to kiss me like you really mean it.”

Jim grinned as Spock gently pulled him down closer. Their mouths collided softly at first, but Spock wanted much more. He let Jim take the lead, as this was an entirely foreign human act.

Jim parted his lips and let his tongue brush against Spock’s. Spock was shaking as he dared let his tongue explore the enticing heat of Jim’s mouth. One of Jim’s hands tangled in the back of Spock’s hair, as the other reached for one of Spock’s.

They kissed in both the human and Vulcan way. Their tongues slid together, mapping each other’s mouths. They broke for air and Spock gasped as he felt Jim’s teeth gently sink into his bottom lip. Spock was stroking his fingers along Jim’s, making his whole body tingle.

“Do you wanna get on the bed?” Jim asked in a whisper.

The implications of that were deep, Spock knew. This was not like sharing the couch or even like they’d ever shared a bed before.

“Yes, but I…”

“Do you need me to carry you?” Jim smirked.

“No. I can carry you.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s middle and stood up. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck as Spock turned and dropped him onto the foldout bed. Spock laid down over him.

“Wow, you’re so strong, Spock.” Jim said, his eyes wide in mock amazement as he rubbed Spock’s arm muscles through his shirt.

“Only on Earth’s gravity.”

Jim laughed and pushed against Spock’s shoulders. Spock was eager to let Jim take the lead, despite also knowing Jim was just as inexperienced as he was. Spock rolled onto his back and Jim settled between his legs.

“Can I?” Jim slowly pushed up Spock’s sweatshirt, exposing a band of his skin to the warm air.

Spock leaned up enough to let Jim pull it off over his head. He then placed his hands back on Jim’s body, letting his fingers trace over the stars on Jim’s ribs. He then felt Jim’s warm hands on his own skin, touching his arms and chest, before going lower and gently raking his nails across Spock’s stomach above his waistband.

“Yes, please.” Spock lifted his hips and held his breath as he felt Jim slide his pants down over his legs. He was very glad that the heat was still on.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jim whispered as he pressed his mouth against Spock’s stomach. Spock wondered if Jim could feel how fast his heart was racing. “I’ve wanted you for so long…”

“W-Wait.” Spock held his breath again when he felt Jim’s fingers hook into his underwear.

“What?” Jim looked up at him. His cheeks were pink, and his pupils were blown so wide, they nearly obscured his irises.

“Yours too.” Spock sat up and reached for the waistband of Jim’s pants.

“Patience.” Jim smirked and tried to remove Spock’s hands.

“No.” Spock was through being patient. Now that he was allowed to touch Jim, he wanted to do it as much as possible.

“Okay, I hear you.” Jim laughed and reached down to pull off his pants. Spock helped him tug them off over his feet and toss them to the floor. “Hey…”

Spock took his eyes off Jim’s body and looked at his face. Jim placed one hand on Spock’s face, cupping it gently. He then reached down with one hand to touch Spock’s fingers.

“Jim?”

“Everything’s gonna be different now.” Jim whispered. Spock felt him emulating the Vulcan kiss, and he suppressed a smile at the wonderful gesture. “I want it to change. This isn’t just for tonight. I want everything with you. I want you to be mine.”

“I have always been yours.” Spock turned Jim’s hand over and returned the kiss. “I thought you understood that when I promised myself to you. I shall always be yours. ”

“Good.” Jim leaned down and pressed his mouth to Spock’s. “I never want anyone else.”

Belonging to one another had been a mental state in Spock’s mind since they were children, but Spock had a feeling that this…this physical union was finally solidifying it for Jim. Maybe that was a human cultural fact –sex defined a relationship the same way melds did for Vulcans. Alternatively, maybe that was just something unique to Jim.

Jim’s hands moved over Spock’s body as they kissed. Spock felt warmer than he ever had, even on Vulcan’s hottest days. He wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck and pressed heavy shaking breaths into the human’s shoulder as he felt a warm hand slip under his final layer of clothing and touch him where he needed it most.

“So beautiful, Spock.” Jim breathed into his ear as he pressed soft kisses against the side of his neck. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so fucking long. I think about you every night.”

Spock was trembling slightly, unable to control the soft whimpers falling from his lips, or the uneven rocking of his hips. He seemed to act instinctively as he reached up and placed his hands on either side of Jim’s face, splaying his fingers across his temples.

“M-My mind…” He began to mumble.

“Spock?” Jim leaned up and looked down at him.

“Do you…accept my mind to yours?” Spock ignored the pleasure building in his body long enough to ask.

“You want to meld?” Jim looked apprehensive for a split second.

“Need to.” Spock felt his face flush.

“You’ll…know my whole mind.” Jim dropped his gaze.

“Only what you want to share.” Spock fought the desperation from showing in his voice and tried to consider Jim’s feelings, though he was unsure why Jim was suddenly nervous about something they’d done before. Then again, Spock had never expressed a need for it like this before.

“Okay.” Jim leaned down and touched his forehead to Spock’s, a soft smile on his face.

“My mind to your mind.” Spock’s voice was hoarse as he attempted to speak up, so he settled for speaking the second half of the mantra in his mind. _“My thoughts to your thoughts.”_

Spock curled into a tight ball as he awoke to find himself freezing cold. He reached out under the blankets and felt for Jim, but there was no one there. In the few other times Spock had grown conscious in the night, the human was wrapped around him. Spock could not fall back asleep without that warmth.

Spock opened his eyes and looked at the chronometer on the side table of the couch. It was nearing ten o’clock. Jim was likely still out with the animals. Spock longed to join him, but his was not sure where his clothes were, and he was too cold to try to find them.

He felt out blindly under the sheets with his legs and found his underwear. He put them on and felt around before finding his sweatshirt. He put it on and winced suddenly.

He had not felt this physically sore since he had stopped doing martial arts. His body had not been accustomed to such physical force, with last night being the first time. He felt for his pants but heard the back door open and close before he could find them. He got out of the foldout bed and walked into the kitchen, his bare legs and feet protesting the cold.

“Good morning.”

Jim was sitting up on the counter, sipping coffee from a thermos. His coat had been tossed onto the kitchen table, and as Spock approached him, he could see several small bruises along his collarbone peeking out from under his t-shirt, and recognized them as having been placed there by Spock’s teeth. Jim seemed in high spirits and smiled widely at him.

“Merry Christmas Eve.” His eyes flicked downwards. “Couldn’t find your pants?”

“I could not.” Spock ignored the coldness and went to stand by Jim. In a moment of bravery, he reached down and grabbed Jim’s hand.

“We can look for them later. Or…not. That’s fine too.” He chuckled and sipped his drink, intertwining his fingers with Spock’s.  

“I am quite cold. I will look for them now.” Spock went back into the living room and looked under the bed for his pants. He actually felt like he needed a shower. Sweat and other human bodily fluids had transferred to his skin last night, making him feel dirty.

He found his pants and put them on. When he went back into the kitchen, he found Jim staring down at the floor rather blankly.

“I found them.” Spock put his hand back on Jim’s.

“Oh. Good.” He managed a small smile.

“Something is wrong.” Spock furrowed his brows and looked intently at Jim’s face.

“Sort of…” Jim didn’t look up. “I have to tell you something. I’ve been keeping something from you.”

“You regret what happened last night.” Spock hated to think it was true, but it was the first conclusion he came too. He should have known it was too perfect to last.

“No. That’s not it at all!” Jim looked up in almost shock that Spock could even think something like that. He set down his thermos and got down from the counter, taking Spock’s hands in his and looking into his eyes. “I loved last night. It was the best night of my life! It’s just…when we melded, did you see anything?”

“I did not, but I do recall you seeming worried that I might. What is it, Jim?”

“I really should tell you. I’ve been keeping it in for a while. I got expelled from school.” Jim stared down at the floor, his face reddening.

“Expelled?” Spock narrowed his eyes. “How could this have happened? You have a brilliant mind.”

“Too brilliant.” He mumbled before looking up. “I was cheating. Well, not actually cheating for myself. Cheating for other people. I figured out how to hack into the permanent records and change grades. I was just bragging about it for fun. I wasn’t going to actually do anything!”

He dropped Spock’s hands and turned away, placing his hands on the counter and looking out the kitchen window. Spock placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder and glanced up as well. It was snowing softly.

“Then they –guys in my classes, started asking me to change their grades for them. I said no at first, just because it took a lot of work. You can only do it from certain computers, and I had to distract the teachers, and I wasn’t even sure the code I had would work more than once.”

“They persisted? They threatened you?” Spock’s voice slightly wavered with worry.

“Well, not exactly. They wore me down with a lot of… flattery.” Jim mumbled the last word. “And, I dunno, I guess I really wanted to impress them for some reason.”

Spock did not have to guess what the reason was. He felt a very strong pang of jealousy at the thought of Jim desiring the attention and affection of his male classmates. He tried to suppress the illogical feeling, but he may have been clenching Jim’s shoulder slightly harder than intended.

“So, I did it. I did it twice. It was like hell. My stomach was in knots the whole time.” Jim reached up and put his hand over Spock’s. “I asked them not to tell anyone. It was just supposed to be those two guys, no more. But of course, they told. Then everyone wanted my help. They threatened to tell if I didn’t comply.”

“You should have told someone.”

“And rat myself out?” Jim sighed. He turned back around to face Spock, and Spock reached for both of his hands again. “I decided I’d just try and get exam answers instead. That way, everyone could pass the tests on their own and they wouldn’t need me anymore. Just one break in for the answers, verses thirty for my whole class. It sounded like such a logical answer.”

Spock silently squeezed Jim’s hands. He had a feeling it did not go as logical as Jim had initially planned, and he was here to comfort him for any emotional reaction Jim would have at recounting it.

“But, I got caught. They found me in the computer lab running the code. I was basically red handed. I tried to explain why I did it, but they didn’t listen. When Sam heard, he tried to get them to at least give me a trial with the student council. They caved, but it didn’t matter.”

“They expelled you despite your trial?”

“….Yeah.” His voice was a whisper. “They were always going to. I didn’t even have a good defense.”

Jim wrapped his arms around Spock and seemed to break down. His face pressed into Spock’s shoulders, and his body shook. Spock was unsure what to do with a crying human, but he knew what to do for his human in particular. He held him tight and stroked his hair. Jim seemed to calm down after letting it out for a moment.

“I’m going away.” His voice cracked. “My mom starting freaking out when she heard what happened. It was even worse than when I got my tattoo. She was _never_ this mad before. I thought I’d never see her that mad again…until…”

“Jim?” Spock placed a hand on Jim’s face, but Jim still would not look at him.

“I wasn’t trying to retaliate or anything. I was just mad. So, I wanted  to drink and listen to my music, but then I couldn’t find my ipod. But then I remembered the CD player in my dad’s car…”

“Jim…you did not.” Spock felt a rush of fear.

“I wasn’t going to drive!” He stepped back out of Spock’s touch and turned away. “I just wanted to listen to the music! I don’t –I don’t know how it happened. I don’t even remember starting the car.”

“Jim.” Spock gasped softly.

“I looked up and I had hit a fence post. I was fine, not that my mom even cared. All she did was raise hell over a stupid dent in the front bumper.”

“Jim, it was astonishingly stupid of you to get into a car while intoxicated.”

“I know that! You don’t have to tell me. I’m stupid and irresponsible and an embarrassment to the Kirk name! My mom already said all of that.” His shoulders slumped and he began to shake again.

Spock went forward and wrapped his arms around him. Jim turned in Spock’s arms and rested his head against Spock’s shoulder again. Spock was very glad one of his only known ways to comfort a human was continuing to work.

“You are not stupid. Perhaps somewhat irresponsible, but you are not an embarrassment to anyone.” Spock assured him.

“They’re sending me away.” Jim whispered again. “To a new school. Pike arranged it.”

“That is good.” Spock rubbed Jim’s back. “You can finish your studies.”

“No, you don’t get it.” Jim sighed. “Far away. It’s a boarding school for delinquents.”

“You are not a delinquent.” Spock thought that was quite a strong word to use for someone who made a few mistakes.

“Thanks. I know it’s not really. It’s called a prep school, but same thing, right _?_ ” Jim pulled back and leaned against the counter. “Pike arranged it. He said it’s actually a really good school. Something about acclaimed teachers and classes.”

“That sounds very nice.” Spock said sincerely.

“I start after the new year. If I do well enough, I’ll do senior year there too.” He crossed his arms and stared down at the floor.

“Jim, why did you not tell me all of this sooner?”

“I dunno, I guess I just didn’t want you to be all disappointed in me.” He sighed. “You haven’t even heard the worst part yet.”

“Tell me.” Spock showed no disappointment or judgment. He just tried to offer understanding.

“It’s on another fucking planet.” Jim’s head dropped back and he stared up at the ceiling. His next words came out like a croaked whisper. “I’m gonna be so far away from you.”

“Listen to me.” Spock stepped in front of Jim, their bodies nearly touching. “Nothing in the universe can separate us. Physical distance is meaningless. I will always be with you.”

Jim looked down in almost shock as Spock took his hand. Perhaps he had truly thought he would push Spock away by admitting they would be separated further. Spock vowed to make him understand that he would never be alone.

“Oh, Spock.” Jim managed a small smile.

“Though now I understand why you never wanted to discuss school.”

“Oh, wait till you really see the worst part.” Jim looked up with a grin, very much resembling his true self once more. “The worst fucking part is the uniform. Get a load of what I gotta wear.”

Jim got his PADD while Spock made tea. He sat sipping it at the kitchen table and eating dry toast as Jim placed the PADD down next to him. It seemed to be open on the website for the school.

Tarsus Academy for Boys. The photo at the top showed a group of young men in ties and blazers standing in front of a fountain in the courtyard of a large stone building.

“Can you even picture me in that?” Jim cracked a small smile.

Spock observed the chiseled jaws and clean cut look of the young men, as well as their navy blue ties and pressed trousers. It was somewhat difficult to image Jim as one of them.

He began scrolling on the page, reading about the newly found school’s accolades and programs, as Jim went on ranting.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing around the whole place.  It’s in the middle of some farming colony.”  He groaned loudly. “And I’m trapped there for months!”

“Jim, it does not seem that bad.” Spock was reading a page on the school’s college scholarship programs. It was actually almost as esteemed an academy as the Learning Center on Vulcan.

“Easy for you to say. You’re not being forced into going. Ugh! Whose idea was it to put a school on Tarsus IV anyways!?”

“It says here that Governor Kodos encourages the students to take up volunteer work by tending to the farming fields that grow the campus food supplied.” Spock read aloud.

“Dumb.” Jim stole Spock’s toast crust. “If mom wanted me to do farm work, I’d stay here. No, they aren’t sending me for the fresh air. I’m just like all the fucked up kids shipped there by their parents or the court. They’re sending me as punishment for being such a fuck-up.”

“The school also offers various sports teams, including lacrosse and swimming.” Spock read aloud once more, becoming even more convinced Jim would come to realize how truly good he would have it on Tarsus. It did not at all seem like a punishment. “This sounds very nice.”

“Whatever, nerd. Leave it to you to think that.” He stood up and stretched. “Alright, I’m done talking about it. I’m just glad I finally told you. I have to go back out in a little while and feed the cows. You wanna come?”

“Yes.” Spock closed the page he was reading about the academy’s digital library.

They cuddled on the bed for a while. Spock gently touched the bruises on Jim’s neck and apologized for them. Jim just laughed and reminded Spock that he had _begged_ Spock to put them there. Spock recalled the way Jim’s voice had sounded when he begged, and he was tempted to put more bruises on him.

Jim rolled on top of Spock and pressed his mouth to Spock’s neck. Spock gasped and closed his eyes as he let Jim take his turn leaving marks.

A while later, Spock examined his reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was a small green mark on his neck. It suited him, he thought.

They put on their coats and boots that afternoon and crossed the frosty grass towards the barn. Spock was very cold, but he also greatly enjoyed looking at the animals. Inside the barn, it was nicely heated for the cows.

Spock followed Jim to each stall. Jim made sure their food and water was full, as well as gave them treats and pet their heads.

“Hi, Rosie. You’re so beautiful today. Do you remember Spock?” Jim reached over the stall door to pet her.

“Hello. You are quite beautiful.” Spock took off his gloves so he could pet her. She was just as kind and wise looking as Spock recalled.

“Hey, Talla, you wants someone to brush your fur?”Jim went to the other side.

Spock stayed by Rosie and patted her head. She looked at him and seemed to blink her eyes lovingly. Spock felt a swell of emotion. Terran animals were so fascinating. He heard a soft mewl and looked over at Jim.

“Pardon?”

“Huh?” Jim glanced over from where he was letting a cow eat from his hand. “I didn’t say anything.”

“I thought I heard –“ Spock turned his head sharply. “I heard it again.”

Spock followed the high sound, looking up to the loft upper level of the barn. Spock knew it was just equipment up there, no animals, but something told him to look.

“Be careful, that ladder is really old.” Jim said as Spock approached the wooden ladder and placed his foot on the bottom rung.

“I shall be careful.” Spock climbed to the upper level.

Spock walked among the crates and fluffs of hay, suppressing the urge to sneeze. He suddenly noticed a white ball of movement shoot from one corner to another behind a large crate.

Spock crouched down and crawled over to the corner. He paused by the crate a listened carefully. He heard soft mewling and scuffling. He also heard movement on the ladder. Jim poked his head up into the top level.

“It was probably just a rat.” Jim looked over.

Spock did not much care for Terran rodents, but he wanted his curiosity quelled anyways. He slowly peered around the crate and gasped audibly.

“Spock?”

“Cats! Baby cats!” His eyes widened .

“Really!?” Jim quickly scrambled up the ladder and ran over.

He crouched down by Spock and peered over. Three small kittens were huddled on a few scraps of hay. They looked up at Jim and Spock and mewled loudly.

“They are so small.” Spock whispered. “I have never seen such small cats.”

“Aw, they’re all alone! They must be so cold.” Jim reached out and scooped them up. They eagerly curled into the coat-clad arms.

“Is your cat not their mother?” Spock asked.

“No. Tabby’s fixed, plus she’s really old. I bet a stray had them here thinking it was a warm place to hide.”

“Do you think she abandoned them?” Spock looked at the small faces.

“Maybe. Either that or something happened to her. We can keep coming to check for her. For now, we gotta get these little guys inside. Here, take this one.”

Spock looked down as Jim dropped one of the kittens into his lap. As he picked it up, he felt such a swell of emotion. It was so small and soft. It looked up at him with wide blue eyes.

Spock picked it up and put it in his coat pocket. He felt the kitten curl up inside as he followed Jim back down and back to the house.

 

“You can? Okay, great! Thanks so much.” Jim hung up the phone. “My neighbor, you know the old dude with all the sheep? He says he can take the kittens. They’ll have a great home there. I bet the sheep will let them sleep on their backs.”

Spock looked down at the bed they’d made for the kittens out of a cardboard box and old blanket. Two of the kittens with black and white pelts curled against each other and slept. The third, with multi-colored patches over her white coat, was sniffing around curiously. Instead of a long tail, she had just a round nub. It was very cute.

“Do they really have to go?” Spock asked, trying to show no sadness in his voice as he picked up the kitten and put her in his lap.

“Well, yeah.” Jim seemed to read Spock’s sadness. He placed a hand on Spock’s knee. “It’s logical. Once I go to school, there won’t be anyone here to take care of them.”

“But we found them.” Spock picked up the kitten and turned her face towards his. She reached out and placed her paw on his nose. “Finders keepers, Jim. Those are the rules.”

Jim laughed, but whether it was because he recalled teaching Spock that phrase as children, or just because Spock was showing emotion, he didn’t know.

“You know, Spock, I was really worried I wouldn’t be able to find you a good Christmas present, but I think I actually have now.”

“Hm?” Spock looked up from scratching the kitten’s chin.

“You should adopt the kitten. Take her home to Vulcan with you.” Jim smiled at him.

“Jim, are you sure?” Spock’s heart was swelling with emotion once more.

“Of course. She’s way better than that stupid book I have for you under the tree. She’s perfect for you. Plus, you’ll need something to remember be by, and you love animals!”

“That is quite true.” Spock was trying very hard not to smile too much. “But I am unsure how a cat would fare on Vulcan. I will have to do research, and contact a vet, and I am unsure how my schedule will be once I get into higher education.”

“Well, if you don’t want her –“ Jim reached for the kitten.

“No, I want her.” Spock said quickly, holding her away from Jim’s grasp. “She is mine now. Thank you, Jim.”

“What are you gonna name her?” Jim seemed very pleased at how happy Spock was.

Spock was aware that he was smiling, but he did not mind if Jim saw. The kitten was curled in Spock’s lap, purring loudly. Spock gently stroked her whiskers, and she began grooming his hand with her small rough tongue.

“Ko-elki.” Spock decided.

“That’s Vulcan for --?” Jim furrowed his brows.

“Princess.” Spock smiled very softly.

“That’s so…cute.”

He leaned over and softly pressed his mouth to Spock’s. Spock kissed him back eagerly, while lifting Ko-elki up to touch her soft fur to the side of Jim’s face. Jim laughed and broke the kiss.

“That’s the thing, then?” He chuckled. “You two are a package deal? I can’t even kiss you without her butting in?”

“She only wants to share the affection.” Spock said. “This is your doing, Jim.”

“I suppose it is.” Jim leaned to touch his forehead to Spock’s and smiled. “I suppose it is.”

 

“That must be Mr. Perry about the kittens.” Jim said as the doorbell rang. Spock put Ko-elki in his sweater pocket as Jim went to the door. “Hey –Oh. Hey.”

“Hey, Jimmy.”

Instead of an older man at the door, it was a young woman. She had long brown hair and she was wearing a sweater with a reindeer on it.

“Hey, Molly.” Jim rolled his eyes and sighed. “The cats are in here. You probably just wanna get them and leave as _fast as you possibly can.”_

 _“_ What, no hot chocolate for the walk home? It’s cold out there, you know.” She pouted.

“The cats will be fine. They don’t need chocolate.” Jim walked into the living room and picked up the box. “Here.”

“There’s only two in here. I thought there were three kittens?”  She peered into the box.

“I am adopting this one.” Spock said as he stroked Ko-elki’s poking out of the pocket on his stomach.

“Oh.” She seemed to notice Spock for the first time. She looked over at him and smiled widely. “Oh, hi there. I’m Molly. My uncle lives next-door.”

She held out her hand. Spock looked down at it and raised an eyebrow. He understood that this was the standard human greeting, but he did not feel comfortable touching hands with another person like this, even if it was platonic.

“I am Spock.” Spock held up the ta’al instead.

“Oh, _yeah_. Jimmy talks about you all the time. He’s told me so much about you.”

“I have not.” Jim interjected.

“Sure you have. Remember, when we were in my treehouse, and you were bragging that your _Vulcan friend_ could do a hundred pull-ups?” She looked to Spock. “Is that true?”

“That was like eight years ago.” Jim muttered through clenched teeth.

“I suppose I could do a hundred, given enough time.” Spock nodded.

“Fascinating.” She leaned down to look at the kitten in Spock’s pocket. “She’s so cute. I think you’d make a good owner. You seem like an animal person.”

“I am a Vulcan person.”

She laughed loudly and reached out to touch Spock arm. Spock looked down to where she was touching him and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Okay, Molly, you should probably go now. These kittens need to get home.” Jim put the box her hands. “I want to get back to celebrating Christmas Eve with my _boyfriend.”_

“Oh!” She looked between them. “Oh, okay –sorry. Well, thanks Jimmy. It was nice meeting you.” She nodded at Spock and took the box to the door. Jim held it open and closed it loudly behind her.

“Jesus Christ.” He sighed and shook his head.

“A friend of yours?” Spock took Ko-elki out of his pocket and held her.

“Sort of. We used to play together sometimes. She’s always been sort of annoying, but that was just blatant, don’t you think?”

“I am not sure I understand.” Spock’s stroked his cat’s head and kept repeating in his head how Jim had called him his boyfriend. It was the first time Jim had used that term.

“She was flirting with you.”

“Was she?”

“Yes! It was really obvious. I can’t believe you didn’t notice.” Jim then smirked. “Well, I guess I can believe it. I mean, I flirted with you for days and you didn’t even notice.”

“Many human social cues escape me.” Spock admitted. “I assumed I just happened to be lucky enough to witness you constantly displaying your body.”

“No, it was all for you. Plus, I like showing off my ink.” Jim reached down for the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head before dropping it to the floor.

“I enjoy looking at it.” Spock’s face flushed just slightly as his eyes locked onto Jim’s body. He let Ko-elki down from his arms to the floor where she found one of the sofa cushions to curl up on.

Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck and kissed him. Spock pressed his hands to Jim’s warm skin and traced his fingertips over his muscles. He felt goosebumps rise on Jim’s skin as Jim sucked Spock’s tongue into his mouth.

Jim’s moan was muffled by Spock’s tongue as he pushed Spock back onto the foldout bed. It creaked loudly as Spock laid back and Jim climbed on top of him.

“Jim –Wait.” Spock’s voice was level as he spoke. The only signs of his arousal were his dilated pupils and slight blush on his face.

“What?” Jim paused in pushing Spock’s sweater up.

“Ko-elki. She is too young to see this.”

“She’s a cat, Spock.” Jim straddled Spock’s hips, and Spock ignored the feeling of Jim pressed against his sensitive area.

“She is still aware of what we are doing.”

“Then let’s put her upstairs.”

“What if she gets lonely? Or cold?”

“Spock, oh my god.” Jim leaned down, trapping Spock beneath his body. “Are you telling me that I can’t touch you because the cat might see? You really want to stop?”

Spock felt Jim gently trace his fingers across Spock’s palm in the Vulcan kiss. His whole body shivered as Jim continued the movement, rubbing his slightly callused fingers roughly over Spock’s. Spock imagined the work Jim did out on the farm that resulted in his calluses as well as his rapidly growing muscles.

“N-No.” Spock imagined Jim heavily perspiring, and removing his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. The perspiration would make his whole body glisten. “Just one moment.”

Jim grunted as Spock moved out from under him, causing Jim to fall over onto the bed. Spock scooped up the cat and the cushion and took them into the kitchen.

He placed her back on it before getting her food and water and placing them by the cushion. He closed the kitchen door before going back to lay on the bed by Jim.

“You may continue now.”

“You are such a fucking dork.” Jim grinned and rolled back on top of him.

Spock leaned up to let Jim pull his sweater off over his head. He could feel the static cling making his hair stick up. It was made worse when Jim tangled his hands in it before kissing him again.

The heat built up in his body as Jim kissed him. Spock let Jim’s tongue in eagerly and felt Jim’s hands touch his bare skin. Spock returned the actions, marveling in the fact that he was finally allowed to touch Jim however he liked.

His hands moved over Jim’s warm shoulders before moving down over his pectoral muscles. Jim broke their kissing and pulled away in a shuddering gasp and Spock’s fingers grazed his nipples.

“Jim? Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah.” Jim was breathing heavily. “I just really liked that. Do it again?”

Spock slid his fingers across Jim’s chest, letting his fingertips brush over Jim’s nipples once more. Jim moaned softly into the crook of Spock’s neck. Spock continued rubbing the sensitive nubs between his fingers as Jim moaned louder and began grinding down, letting his hardness rub against Spock’s.

“Oh, baby, that feels so good.” Jim breathed into Spock’s ear. “I wanna feel your teeth on me.”

“My teeth?” Spock wanted to ask if that would be painful, before recalling the way Jim had enjoyed Spock’s teeth on his neck last night.

“Yes, please.”

Spock leaned up and pressed his mouth to Jim’s chest. Jim groaned as this new position pressed their erections together. Spock felt Jim’s hands lightly in his hair as he kissed Jim’s chest before latching on and letting his tongue circle one of Jim’s nipples.

“Yes, baby.” Jim rocked his hips. It was strange that Spock was enjoying Jim’s use of a petname when the same word had once been used as a way to insult each other as children.

Spock reached up to let one hand play with Jim’s other nipple as he let his teeth gently dig into the skin around the other.

“More. Harder.” Jim gasped, tugging lightly at Spock’s hair.

Spock experimentally bit down harder, feeling his sharp fangs dig deeper into Jim’s skin. Jim let words of praise fall from his lips as Spock felt Jim grind against him harder. Spock then began to suck lightly.

Jim moaned loudly, tugging at Spock’s hair harder as his hips began to tremble. His rocking became erratic, as his moans cut off into sucked breath. Spock’s head was pressed tightly against Jim’s chest, and Spock took that as a cue not to stop his current actions.

He felt Jim quickly reach between their bodies. Spock was prepared to feel Jim touch him, but instead, it seemed Jim was touching himself. Pressing his hand against himself as keening noises and whines fell from his lips. They were the most beautiful sounds Spock had ever heard.

His chest detached from Spock’s mouth audibly, as Jim leaned down to lay his head on Spock’s shoulder. Spock laid back onto the bed with Jim on top of him.

“That was…fuck.” Jim panted against Spock’s neck, his face red.

“Satisfactory?”

“Y-You made me cum in my pants.” Jim whispered, burying his face into the crook of Spock’s neck in embarrassment.

“I am pleased to hear that.” Spock shifted slightly beneath him, attempting to feel the wet spot for himself.  “I find that arousing.”

“Really? I’d thought you’d get onto me for not having better control.” Jim smirked into Spock’s skin.

“That would be quite hypocritical of me, as I have very little control when I am with you.” Spock brushed his fingers though Jim’s hair.

“Let me see if I can test that statement and return the favor.”

Jim began kissing Spock’s neck, before letting his tongue out to lick across the green-flushed skin. Spock closed his eyes and sighed as Jim’s tongue pressed harder, tracing further and further up before going just behind his ear. Spock gasped and bit his lip to hold back his moans. Perhaps he could show Jim that his control was in fact superior.

Jim began grinding against him again, groaning softly in his ear. Spock could feel Jim’s slowly returning to hardness against Spock’s own straining erection. Spock considered removing some of the layers of clothes between them, but when he reached down, Jim grabbed Spock’s wrist.

“No, you don’t.” Jim pinned Spock’s wrist back down against the pillow by his head. “You’re gonna mess yourself up just like I did. I wanna see you get all dirty.”

Spock felt blood rush through his body and his arousal deepen at Jim’s words. He felt as if he could not move his body. He was paralyzed in a wonderful way as fire burned under his skin. He could only lay there as Jim whispered things in his ear –things Spock would never had expected to hear from that beautiful mouth.

“I wanna be inside you.” Jim growled in his ear. “I wanna fuck you.”

Spock bit his lip harder to keep his moans from escaping as Jim let his fingers move from Spock’s write up to his hand. His fingers touched roughly all over Spock’s hand, giving him a sloppy Vulcan kiss. It made soft noises finally escape his lips and his hips push back against Jim’s.

“I want my fingers inside you.” Jim whispered and Spock whimpered as Jim’s fingers brushed up and down his own.

“I want my tongue inside you.” Jim pressed his tongue against Spock’s ear before sliding it inside. It felt so hot. Spock lifted his hips, driving himself against Jim harder.

Jim reached down between them with his free hand and began rubbing Spock through his pants. Spock’s free hand tangled into the bed sheets as he felt his orgasm approaching.

“Jim – _Please_.”

“I want your fingers in me.” Jim pressed his fingers to Spock’s.

Spock seemed to lose control of his body. He was so close to that peak. His mind felt like it was reaching out eternally towards Jim’s. His free hand reached out and touched the side of Jim’s face as his other struggled to get out of Jim’s grip.

“I need –“

“What do you need, baby?” Jim kept Spock’s wrist pinned down, so Spock was forced to attempt it with only one hand.

“My mind to your mind…” Spock began to mutter.

“Spock? What’s happening?” A slight twinge of panic set in on Jim’s voice as Spock felt their minds begin to coil around each other.

“I need to meld with you.” Spock said, his voice full of urgency.

“Oh…kay.” Jim’s voice shook with uncertainty, but he let Spock’s wrist up.

Spock placed his other hand on Jim’s face and felt their minds colliding. Jim’s hand pressed harder against Spock through his pants and Spock closed his eyes as every feeling of Jim washed over him, sending him over the edge.

Instead of a blissful peace following his release, there was a sudden sharp pain in the very back of his head. He gasped and groaned. He felt Jim pulled back away from him, his temples detaching from Spock’s hands.

“ –Ah. What the –!?” Jim gasped.

Spock opened his eyes and sat halfway up. His head was throbbing in pain. Jim was clutching his head in pain as well, his eyes squeezed shut.

“You pulled away from my mind.” Spock managed to say as the pain finally faded.

“I didn’t mean to, but it wasn’t like you gave me fair warning you were going to do that.” Jim rubbed at his temples.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah , fine now.” Jim laid his head down on the pillow by Spock. Spock laid back down and covered them both with the blanket.

“I did not mean to hurt you.” Spock draped his arm across Jim.

“I didn’t mean to pull away.” He rolled to face Spock. “It just happened so fast. I didn’t know…I mean, I never knew you _had_ to do it…meld, every time, I mean.”

Spock was silent for a moment. He did not know that either. Having read every biology textbook he could get his hands on growing up, and he never recalled reading anything about the urge to meld during copulation, but he was beginning to form a theory.

“I believe I feel the urge to do so because of our strong mental bond. My mind feels the need to seek yours out.”

“Mental bond?”

“I believe it is why I can hear your voice in my head.”

“I thought I was just going crazy!” Jim jolted. “I thought I could hear you sometimes, but it I never knew it was a real thing. Is that why sometimes I dream about you, but it feels so real?”

Spock nodded and reached for Jim’s hand. He traced his fingers across Jim’s in a Vulcan kiss, and Jim smiled at him, leaning forward until their foreheads touched.

“This is not unheard of. Mental bonds are common in Vulcans. I believe ours formed the first time we melded as children. I am just uncertain how strong one can be between Vulcan and human.” Spock said. “Or how far it can reach.”

“What if it reached all the way across the galaxy to Tarsus.” Jim chuckled. “Then I could hear you in my head sometimes, and I wouldn’t feel so lonely.” He reached down and absentmindedly touched his Lyra tattoo. Spock looked down at it, realizing now that it was something seen from Earth that lead to Vulcan. It was now no wonder that Jim chose it to mark his body permanently.

“That is technically possible.” Spock nodded. “Though, we will have to practice.”

“Practice?” Jim grinned. “You mean like round two?”

“No, I meant practice meditating with one another.” Spock felt his cheeks color slightly. “Though I am not against practicing our physical union as well. I believe it would be more convenient if I could practice reaching climax without the need to meld.”

Jim smirked and rolled over on top of Spock once more. He was not heavy at all, but Spock could feel the wetness in his clothes being pressed against his skin. It made the color in his cheeks deepen.

“I’m so down to practice some more if you are.” Jim began kissing Spock’s neck and Spock shuddered.

He wrapped his arms around Jim and held him close, letting the warmth and scent of his human surround him.

That evening they practiced meditating together once more. It seemed difficult for Jim, who was easily distracted by things like Ko-elki crawling into his lap, or his stomach growling. Spock, who had been meditating his whole life, found it easy to tune these things out.

 By the end of the night, they had successfully managed to enter each other’s minds. Spock heard Jim speak clearly in his head. Jim seemed very proud, and tried to keep the link going for the rest of the day.

“ _Spock…Spock, wake up! It’s Christmas!”_

Spock opened his eyes the next morning to see Jim grinning at him. It seemed the novelty of being able to speak telepathically has not yet worn off. Spock reached out and brushed his foot against Jim’s affectionately.

“Remember, you must meditate daily to keep our link strong.” Spock wondered if Jim would have the discipline to do that. “At least until our bond can be strengthened in an official ceremony by an experienced melder.”

“No time for that, now!” Jim pulled the blanket off him, and Spock curled up as the cold air hit his naked body.  “It’s Christmas! We gotta celebrate!”

Ko-elki jumped up onto the bed and walked over Spock’s body, her claws sinking into his skin. He sat up and she tumbled to the floor. Spock reached for his bag at the foot of the bed and put on clean clothes. He wanted to comb his hair and brush his teeth, but Jim did not give him time.

“I know I already gave you the greatest present ever.” Jim said, looking to where Ko-elki was washing her paws. “But I got you something else, too.”

He handed Spock a bag from under the tree. Spock expected it to be the book Jim had originally bought him, but he opened it to find a small box of lavender chocolates.

“I saw them at the store last night when we were getting groceries. They look gross, but I bet you’ll love them.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock opened the box and tried one. It did taste like his favorite lavender, with the addition of sweet chocolate. It made his mouth tingle.

“You don’t have to eat too many right away.”

Spock knew Jim was saying so, because he’d acted upset after having hot chocolate, but the only reason Spock had acted that way, was because he did not want his lowered inhibitions to make him do anything romantic towards Jim. Now that Jim wanted those things, Spock did not mind indulging in chocolate for the holiday season.

“This is for you.” Spock handed Jim the package he had wrapped.

“Whoa, nice!” Jim opened the package and smiled. “These are really beautiful.”

Spock watched Jim stand up and put in the earrings in the reflection of the mirror above the fireplace. He took out the old studs he was wearing and put them in the box.

“How do I look?” He turned around.

“Symmetrical.” Spock said.

Jim laughed and retrieved his guitar from upstairs. He put the new strap on and played a few songs for Spock. Spock closed his eyes and ate a piece of chocolate as he listened. Ko-elki seemed intrigued by the music and climbed onto Jim’s shoulder as he played.

They spent the day relaxing and watching the snow fall outside. Jim made them dinner and Spock made desert. It was more boxed cake, but neither of them minded too much. After a while, Jim turned off their Christmas music and played music of his own. Spock laid down on the foldout bed and listened, reaching for his candy.

“I need new recordings of you playing.” Spock said after he’d finished half the chocolates. “I also need new playlists. They help me focus on my work.”

“Okay, I can make new ones for you on my computer, no prob.” Jim said.

Spock reached for his bag and pulled out his music player. He put the headphones around his neck and slipped the player into his pocket. He stood up and reached for Jim’s hand.

“What’s this?” Jim placed his guitar down and took Spock’s hand. “I thought Vulcan’s didn’t dance.”

“I am half human. And I cannot resist how beautiful you look.” Spock held Jim close so that they could both hear the music from Spock’s headphones.

“I think you’ve had too much chocolate.” Jim chuckled.

“No, I have had the perfect amount.” Spock said.

Jim laid his head against Spock’s shoulder as they slowly swayed to the music. Spock did not know how to dance, but he did know evasive combat maneuvers. They were almost the same thing.

“I’m gonna miss you so much.” Jim whispered. “I’m trying not to think about it, since we still have a week left together, but I can’t help it. Being apart sucks.”

“Indeed, it does suck. It sucks very much.” Spock turned his head and inhaled the scent of Jim’s hair.

“You’re drunk.” Jim laughed. “You’ve had too much chocolate. I should grab some eggnog and catch up.”

“I am only intoxicated on your beauty.” Spock mumbled.

“Geez, Spock, you’re making me blush.” Jim wrapped his arm around Spock’s neck.

Spock held his human close. He could feel his lowered inhibition affecting his telepathic shields as well. He could faintly feel Jim’s happiness and relaxation. It matched Spock’s own.

“Jim… you smell so good.” Spock whispered.

“You smell good too, like lavender.” Jim replied.

With his lowered inhibitions, Spock greatly considered reaching down and touching Jim, or kissing him. He very much enjoyed those things, but he also did not want to spoil their moment. Being this romantic with Jim was so new and amazing. It was just as exciting as touching.

 _“Jim…Jim…”_ Spock closed his eyes and reached for their mental link as he let his happiness take over.

Jim did not reply, but Spock heard him stifle a laugh and squeeze Spock tighter. Perhaps his lack of meditation that day was preventing him from replying, or perhaps he just wanted to enjoy Spock. Spock was enjoying him.

“ _I love you.”_ Spock did not realize what he’d been thinking until he felt a spike of shock from the link, as well as from the places where he was touching Jim’s skin.

“What did you just…?” Jim pulled back from Spock and looked up at him, eyes wide and face red.

“I am sorry.” Spock hated to think he had ruined everything by making Jim nervous again. “I did not mean to…”

“It’s…okay.”Jim had a slight smile on his face. He looked up at Spock and his smile widened. He took Spock’s hands again. “It’s okay. You didn’t scare me or anything. It was actually really nice to hear that. I can’t remember the last time anyone told me that.”

Spock felt a soft sadness at that. Jim deserved to know every day that someone loved him, because someone did. Spock loved him. Spock had always loved him.

Spock pulled Jim into a hug and held him tight, trying to project all of the love he felt for him into their bond. Jim laughed and pressed his face into Spock’s chest.

“You’re crushing me.” Jim wheezed.

“With love.”

 “Spock, oh my god, I really can’t breathe.” Jim laughed.

Spock let go, feeling Jim take a deep breath and fall back onto the bed, grabbing Spock by the wrist so that he fell on top of him. Spock’s headphones got tangled between them as they kissed. Spock eagerly tried to pull Jim’s clothes off.

“I believe we should practice copulation.”

“Uh, I believe you should chill out.” Jim laughed nervously.

“I cannot.”

Yet, Spock let Jim pull the blanket over them. Spock closed his eyes and felt Jim untangle the music player from Spock’s neck and place it on the table by the couch. He then felt Jim begin to remove his pants. He prepared himself for whatever Jim was going to do, but Jim just covered them back up.

“Nighty night.” Jim whispered, kissing Spock’s forehead.

“Mmm.” Spock did not want to fall asleep yet, but he was suddenly very tired.

“Spock?” Jim took Spock’s hand. Spock could feel his nervous emotion, as well as hear it in his voice. “I don’t know if you can hear me…but I just wanna tell you that I…I really care about you.”

Jim rolled over with his back to Spock’s chest, and Spock pulled him closer, wanting to sleep that way. He could feel no more nervousness. It did not matter to Spock that Jim had not verbally returned his love, because Spock could feel it now. It was so powerful and overwhelming, yet relaxing and amazing. It put Spock gently to sleep.

When Spock was sober once more, he could believe what he’d said didn’t made Jim recoil into the nervous person he’d been as a young teen. It seemed he’d underestimated Jim’s emotional maturity.

Over the next few days, Jim was just as attentive and affectionate as he’d been before. He held Spock’s hand in public, and _held_ Spock’s hand in private.

It made Spock want to say it again. After all, Jim deserved to hear it again. Yet, every time he wanted to say it, Jim would look at him and smile, and Spock would lose his nerve. It was as if _he_ were the nervous one now. Spock settled for just thinking it to himself. Jim still seemed to smile at him, as if he knew exactly what Spock was thinking.

 

“Got plans tonight?” 

Spock looked up from packing his things to see Jim smiling at him in the doorway of the living room. He carefully finished folding a shirt and placing it back in his suitcase.

“You know I must pack to leave soon.”

“But don’t you know what tonight is?” Jim came up behind Spock and wrapped his arms around Spock’s waist.

“The new Terran year begins at midnight tonight.”

“Yep! I think we should go out. I’m tired of cooking, and I wanna grab a drink.”

“Drink?” Spock paused for a moment, one hand over the rumpled shirt he was about to fold.

“Nothing strong! I just wanna go in public and kiss you! You’re supposed to kiss at the stroke of midnight, you know.” Jim squeezed him.

“That does sound…appealing.” Spock admitted.

“Great! Go take a shower. You can borrow some of my clothes, too.”

“What is wrong with my clothes?”

“Just go.”

Spock showered and carefully combed his hair. Jim then gave him some clothes to put on. It was denim pants, a t-shirt with a deep v-neck, and a flannel shirt.

“I will look like you.” Spock said as he put the clothes on.

“Are you saying I look bad?” Jim crossed his arms.

“Not at all.” Spock tried to button up the red flannel shirt over the v-neck, but Jim swatted his hands away.

“We’re trying to show off your bod, okay?” Jim began rolling up Spock’s sleeves to expose his arms.

Spock looked down at the way the v-neck showed off the small patch of dark hair on his chest. He was not sure how he felt about this. Jim stepped back and admired Spock, his eyes moving up and down over Spock’s body. He felt warm under Jim’s gaze. It was enjoyable, so he decided he did not mind the clothes.

“Wait, you’re missing something.” Jim started back upstairs to his room. He then came back down and put a beanie hat on Spock’s head.

“You want me to hide my ears?” Spock asked, adjusting it.

“No, I love your ears. I just thought they might get cold. Plus, you look cool with a beanie. Like a hipster.”

“I am not sure what that is.” Spock said. Jim just laughed.

Spock was glad he was left to do his own makeup while Jim got dressed. He went for a more subtle look with bright eye shadow. Jim went for his usual heavier look when he leaned over Spock’s shoulder to do his in the mirror.

Jim chose green flannel and dark jeans. Spock realized his hypothesis was correct. They did look alike, well, aside from Jim’s multiple earrings and neon blue nails.

Snow still covered most of the ground, so Spock was forced to cover his outfit with his heavy coat as they drove into town. Jim kept shivering as they walked down the sidewalk, and reached for Spock’s gloved hand.

“I told you to put on a coat.” Spock reminded him.

“I’m f-fine.” Jim said, his teeth chattering and his breath coming out in clouds.

As they approached the bar, Spock could hear loud conversation from inside, as well as smell the scent of many different drinks. They were not old enough to drink, and Spock began to see a flaw in their plan as he noticed a security officer at the door.

“I got this, be cool.” Jim whispered in his ear.

He tightened his grip on Spock’s hand and tried to slip in behind a group of people entering. The officer held out his arm to stop them.

“Hold it, fellas. I’m gonna need to see some identification.”

“ID? Gee, I haven’t been asked for that in years.” Jim laughed nervously. The officer narrowed his eyes at him, his unamusement quite apparent, even to Spock. “Uh, let’s see here…”

Jim fumbled in his pockets for a moment. Spock watched him, waiting for the apparent _got this_ that Jim had to show itself. Jim looked up and chuckled.

“You know, I must have left it in my other pants.” Jim said. “But –We really just wanna go in and listen to some music, you know, and shoot some pool. My _foreign_ friend here is definitely of age on his home planet, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint him. You see, he really wants to experience an Earth party. See, they don’t have New Year’s on his planet.”

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim, and glanced at him sideways, but Jim did not look at him. Perhaps he knew how ridiculous he sounded. Vulcan did indeed have years, they were just not the same as Earth ones, and had very little festivities. Spock could feel Jim’s nervousness in their bond.

“You of age, huh?” The officer look at Spock.

“I –“ Spock started, but Jim squeezed his hand harder and cut in.

“He doesn’t speak Standard that well!” Jim chuckled. The officer looked from Spock to Jim, and back again.

 _“Dungi tar nash tor yeht.”_ Spock nodded at the officer. He did not like to lie, but he found it somewhat easier to do in Vulcan, where they couldn’t understand him anyways.

“Uh… _ha gas'rak tor ish-veh_ ….uh, yeah?” Jim looked at Spock.

What he was saying was absolute nonsense in Vulcan, but Spock understood to play along. He nodded intensely, as if Jim had said something genius.

“We just wanna have one drink –soda.” Jim looked back at the officer.

“One drink.” The officer finally relented.

“Thanks!” Jim pulled Spock inside.

It was very crowded and loud. Spock immediately recoiled from anything that could touch him. He tried not to show his disdain, and just let Jim lead him towards an empty spot in the bar.

“Two, please.”

“Sure.” The woman at the bar turned back towards the glasses, but then looked back at Jim. “Hey, don’t I know you?”

“Me? Uh, nope. I just have one of those faces.” Jim averted his eyes and turned up the collar on his shirt.

“No…you’re Jimmy Kirk! I’d recognize this pseudo-goth look anywhere.” She laughed.

“It’s not goth.” Jim mumbled.

“You know, I haven’t seen you since you and my son Tommy went to the dance last year.” She filled two glasses with some liquid, but Jim did not reach for his. “He’d hate me for doing this, but what do you say I pass along your number to Tommy? Prom is only a few months away.”

“Um…I’m actually not really…looking…I mean, I don’t even attend the high school anymore.” Jim mumbled, his whole face red.

“He is not interested.” Spock said, taking Jim’s hand again.

“Oh, I see.” She narrowed her eyes. “You know, Tommy just turned seventeen. If you two are in the same class, then you’re definitely not old enough to be in here.”

Spock pulled Jim away from the bar and through the crowd. They were back out into the cold again, and Jim shivered, dropping Spock’s hand to wrap his arms around himself. Spock took off his coat and draped it over Jim’s shoulders.

“I’m s-s-sorry.” Jim shivered. “We were bound to get kicked out anyways. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I am unaffected.” Spock did not like the loudness of that place anyways.

“I should have told you.” Jim’s whisper was almost lost in the cold wind. Spock stepped closer to him. “I should have told you about Tommy.”

“He is…?”

“He was my…boyfriend.” Jim sighed.

Spock felt like someone was stabbing at his heart. He quickly tried to suppress it, as well as the feeling of icy cold piercing his skin.

“It was for like two seconds last year!” Jim looked up. “I don’t know…I was lonely! I was trying to push away my feelings for you! We only went out for a few weeks. I realized I’d rather wallow in my feelings for you than spend any more time with that momma’s boy.”

“Did you...ever with him…?” Spock’s voice shook.

“Sort of…” Jim reddened.

“You had sex with him!?”

“What? No!” Jim exclaimed. “I just kissed him! Like one time, two times tops. It was bad.”

Spock turned away. He needed to process this. He was not sure how to feel. Whatever Jim and that stranger had together was over. It had been over for a year at this point, yet Spock was feeling the raw emotion of it as if it were now.

“Spock…please, please don’t be mad at me.” Jim reached for his hand, and Spock let him take it.

“I am not mad. You did nothing wrong.” Spock said, considering it logically.

“You don’t have to be jealous, either.” Jim rubbed his fingers along Spock’s. “You’re a million times cuter than he was.”

“Jealousy is not an emotion I can feel.” Spock said evenly.

“You _seemed_ pretty jealous, the way you pulled me outta there.” Jim chuckled. “You don’t even have to worry. I’m only yours. I promise.”

Spock felt softer at his words. He looked at Jim and felt the last of his negative emotions fade. Jim only cared for him, and that was apparent. Spock pulled Jim into a hug, enjoying the warmth.

“I…I love you, Spock. Only you. It’s always been that way. No one else ever mattered to me like you.”

“ _Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”_  Spock sighed in contentment.

“That means you love me too, right?” Jim chuckled.

“I cherish thee.” Spock replied.

“I love you.”

Jim’s hands went around Spock’s neck and he pulled him closer for a kiss. Spock felt warmth spread through his body. He pulled Jim closer, and Jim smiled into the kiss.

“Your nose is freezing!” Jim rubbed his nose against Spock’s. “Come on, let’s get home. I can make us some hot drinks.”

“I am sorry we cannot celebrate like you wanted.” Spock said as they walked back to the car.

“That’s okay. I’ve got another idea. It’s another really cool place!”

The cool place turned out to be the room of the Kirk’s home. The place Jim usually sat could be easily reached through Jim’s bedroom window. It took some upper body strength to pull themselves up, but it was no problem for Spock.

Jim laid down a thick blanket for them to sit on, before draping another blanket over their shoulders. They could see the stars so clearly from up here.

“Is this safe?” Spock peered over the edge.

“Sure, just sit back.” Jim held his arm. “Here, warm tea for you.”

“Thank you.” Spock sipped from the thermos Jim gave him. Jim sipped his own hot chocolate.

“This is nice. I think I’d rather be in private with you, anyways.” Jim traced his fingers over Spock’s.

“I have a question.” Spock said.

“Shoot.”

“What is prom?”

“It’s…like a dance.” Jim sipped his drink. “You dress really nice, like, in a tuxedo. You give your date a corsage, which are like flowers on a band, and you go dance with your whole class. It’s like a big deal in high school.”

“Will your new school have prom?”

“I…don’t know.” Jim blinked. “I haven’t thought about it. Why? Do you wanna go with me?”

“I believe that would be beneficial for my research on the human experience.” Spock nodded, already imagining Jim all dressed up.

“I’d love that too.” Jim laid his head on Spock’s shoulders. “I’d love to see the look on all those Tarsus nerds’ faces when I bring my alien boyfriend to prom.”

“You are all aliens on Tarsus, since humans originate from Earth.” Spock pointed out.

“You are such a nerd, Spock.” Jim laughed. “Such a nerd.”

Jim looked to the chronometer on his wrist, and they watched midnight approach. They kissed just as fireworks went off in the distance. They were too far away to bother Spock, and instead he felt like their bright color and booming tone matched the way he felt inside when he looked at Jim.

 

Spock was not alone on his journey home. Ko-elki was much more comfortable on his shoulder or in his coat than she was in a pet carrier, so Spock let her ride there instead. Kissing Jim goodbye was different this time. Perhaps it was because they’d had so much practice beforehand, or because it was usually done in a crowded station, but this time Riverside’s station was practically empty, letting them keep that tiny moment more intimate.

Spock tried to spend the time meditating to keep from being sad. He hated being apart from Jim, but he knew it would all be over soon. School was almost over for both of them, and higher education would be much more open to letting Spock set his own schedule. He pictured him and Jim squashed together in the tiny dorm room of the Science Academy. That would be quite nice.

Or, perhaps he could do some sort of field study on Earth. He looked out the train window and watched a field of wild flowers go by in a blur. He then looked down to where his kitten’s head poked out of his coat. Yes, perhaps he would see if they had a program like that.

Stepping back onto Vulcan sand was nice for Spock. He inhaled the deep scent of his home world, standing still and gazing out into the distant mountains as the other Vulcans coming out of the shuttle station went around him.

Ko-elki wound her body around his ankles and looked up at him. Spock picked up his bags and shed his coat and scarf and letting his body relax back to its natural warm state.

“Does she do anything interesting?” Sanara asked, curiously stroking Ko-elki’s head.

“Dogs are easier to train than cats, but I suppose she could learn tricks if she tried.” Spock watched his sister play with the cat on the kitchen floor while he made dinner.

He had missed his family, and it was nice to see them again, but Spock could not help but wonder what Jim was doing right now. They would not be able to communicate until Jim was finished travelling to Tarsus and enrolling in his new school. He had promised to tell Spock what classes he was in, and Spock was quite excited to know.

“Is it safe for her in Vulcan atmosphere?” Sarek watched her sniff around the room for a while before settling in a spot of sunlight under a window.

“Yes. I have picked up the necessary medications for her, but the veterinarian told me that Terran felines adjust fairly quickly.”

“Interesting.”

“I think she’s so precious.” Amanda said, taking the dish from Spock to finish it. Spock understood this meant it was time for him to set the table. “I wonder if she’ll be able to get I-Chaya active again.”

“That is doubtful.” Sarek said, and Spock looked to where their sehlat liked to sleep in the corner. “He is very old. He does not have much time left.”

Sanara gasped quietly and looked over at I-Chaya. Spock also felt sad at these words, even though he knew they were true. Still, at dinner he made sure to save some of his food and mash it up before putting it I-Chaya’s bowl. He then patted the sehlat’s head as he came sniffing to investigate.

“You are not old.” Spock muttered. He then paused to do the math. “Well, perhaps you are, but we do not mind. We enjoy having you around.”

After dinner, Spock listened to his mother explain what she had been up to while Spock was gone. She showed him what she had knitted, as well as told him about Sarek’s work.

Spock listened as he sat at the table playing chess with his sister. She did not prefer this game, but he had vowed to teach her better strategies she could use in the future. Spending time with his family was enjoyable, but Spock was also grateful when he could retire to his room.

Jim had still not messaged him, but Spock could not dwell on that. He decided to meditate, wondering if Jim had kept his word to do the same. When he sat down on his mat, Ko-elki sat in a round position across from him as if she were trying to mimic what he was doing.

“ _Jim…Jim…”_ Spock reached out through their link. It was easy to do now that he had practiced with Jim so close, but he got no response.

“I should give him more time. I do not want to appear too attached.” Spock opened his eyes. Ko-elki just stared at him. Spock smiled and reached out to pet her.

 

“Does snow have adverse effects on Vulcans?”  T’Pring asked Spock at school the next day. Spock had recounted most of what he had done on Earth during his visit. There were many things she did not seem to understand about Earth, even after hearing about his many visits. S

“Somewhat, but not if you are wearing proper clothing.”

“I just do not understand why you willing subject yourself to it.”

“Because Jim lives where it snows.”

“Illogical.”

“You find humans illogical because you do not consider their points of view.” Spock said without looking up from his textbook. “Some humans find heat as aversive as we find cold, so they live where it is cold. You do not need to agree with their reasoning, but you should respect it.”

“Did my asking offend you?” She asked, curiosity the only thing in her voice.

“No.” He closed his book. “I am not sure why I feel so strongly on it. Perhaps it is because I find them so fascinating that I have a difficult time recalling that most Vulcans do not.”

“You mean that you find Jim fascinating.” She pointed out.

“…Not just Jim.” Spock thought of Ko-elki, a Terran creature who shared his bed, and his mother, who often said things that only she found humorous. “Terra is fascinating. You should pick up a book on it.”

“I would rather read about mathematics.” She picked up her own book as the instructor entered.

The sun was setting as Spock walked home from school. He had stayed late to keep working in the skill domes. He had completely twenty percent of all ten of his classes, meaning he had a twice as productive day as the average student. Despite having the brain capacity for this, he felt like he needed to recharge.

“ _Spock…”_

Spock stopped in his tracks. He felt his heartbeat spike, but kept his breathing even as he closed his eyes and listened. What he found was that the voice was not coming from nearby, but from the link he shared with Jim.

Spock could not meditate here in the street. He reached into his bag and took out his PADD. Jim was only one call away. Spock listened to it ring as he entered his home and climbed the stairs.

“Hey, Spock!” Jim grinned at him from the screen.

Spock paused in closing his bedroom door and taking off his cloak to stare. Jim looked different from when they had last seen one another.

“You are wearing your uniform.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Jim’s tie was loose and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. His blazer was nowhere to be seen, but Spock imagined that it had been tossed to the floor upon entering. Jim took off his glasses and hung them from the collar of his shirt. “Today was so freaking crazy. I was actually trying to relax by meditating like you showed me.”

“I had a feeling you were. I am unsure what you mean by crazy. Was it a good or bad day?” Spock asked as he laid back in bed, the PADD in his lap.

“I…don’t really know?” Jim ran a hand through his hair, messing it up and exaggerating its already unruly length.  “Both, I guess. First, I get here at like ass-thirty in the morning, then I wait for the office to open so I can enroll, then I get assigned to a dorm room, and I gotta go there and put on my nerd uniform. Then, class finally starts, and I think I’m gonna absolutely hate it. Literally, the only reason I went was because I know Pike would have hunted me down if I hadn’t. But the thing is….it’s sort of…okay.” He turned away, hiding a grin behind his hand.

“Okay?”

“Oh, Spock, it’s nerdy and I love it.” He laughed. “Well, it’s just been one day, but I don’t hate it. The classes are interesting, and when I disagreed with the teacher, he didn’t accuse me of talking back. He said I had interesting insights. Me! Capable of interesting insights! Can you believe that?”

“Yes.” Spock nodded, and Jim went on.

“In my language class, we got to write about whatever we wanted. He said I was creative. That’s crazy. At Riverside, they yelled if you didn’t follow their exact topics. It’s like here…they actually care about you learning.”

“I am very happy for you.” Spock nodded. “My mother says that she is familiar with the Earth school board members that run the curriculum for Tarsus Academy. She assured me you are getting a quality education.”

“Maybe you could talk to her about them getting a class here to teach Vulcan. How cool would that be?”

“That would be interesting.” Spock wondered how much Vulcan Jim would be capable of learning, and blushed slightly at the thought of him being fluent.

“Yeah, I mean, we’re all on an alien planet. We might as well learn a cool alien language.” Jim stood up and turned his PADD so that Spock could see out the window. “Check out that alien planet!”

Spock could see grass in the dorm building courtyard, as well as trees and bushes. It looked relatively the same as Earth, aside from the pale pink sky. However, that may have just been from the setting sun.

“I see.”

“And I guess like you said, I’m an alien here too.” Jim laughed. There was the sound of the door opening behind him. Jim turned and Spock could see another young man in the same uniform. “Ah, another alien.”

“I have homework.” The boy sat down at a tiny desk at the other side of the room. “Do you mind?”

“No, just keep it down.” Jim said. Spock knew that was not what he meant. Jim then sighed and reluctantly ended their call.

  * **Sorry about him. I wish I didn’t have a roommate.**



Spock began his own homework as he read Jim’s message.

  * _No matter. We can always communicate this way._
  * _There is also meditation. I heard your voice today._



Spock used the privacy of his room to smile slightly at the thought. Ko-elki jumped onto the bed, and Spock’s smile widened as he reached over to pet her.

  * **In that case, I’ll try to do it every day! :P**
  * _Meditation has other health benefits as well._
  * **I’m sure it does, but I like you best. You’re the best benefit. :-)**



 

Over the next few weeks, things returned to their usual normal on Vulcan. Spock spent most of his time studying. His science classes were fascinating, his history ones were informative, and his mathematics were their usual oddly difficult.

 

He and Jim meditated together every day, and Spock quite enjoyed knowing their minds were linked from so far away. Even though they were not physically together, this was quite intimate. That was why Spock found it so odd when Jim suddenly stopped meditating like he used to. Spock tried not to think much of it. After all, Jim was quite busy at school. Spock was supposed to be as well.

Finally, the week of Spock’s final exams arrived. Spock practiced every night leading up to his final exam for advanced trigonometry. He needed a perfect score. The Science Academy was watching him. He entered the skill dome at school the day of his exam, his breathing calm.

He tried not to think of T’Pring just a small ways over, likely passing easily. He tried not to think of Jim, wearing his handsome uniform and he tried not to think of how disappointed anyone would be if he failed.

100%

Spock exhaled in relief, just then realizing he’d been holding his breath with anticipation. He stepped out of the lab, hanging his head to hide his smile. He waiting for T’Pring, and as he suspected, she achieved all of the extra points.

“I believe I will have a mathematic science major at the Academy.” She said. “Do you know what you are majoring in?”

“No. There are so many branches of science that I will simply rely on the entrance exam to tell me where I am best suited.” Spock reached into his bag and took out his favorite volume on Terran animals. He knew he should begin studying for his next exam, but he needed time to compress as well.

 

“Sorry about this.” Jim’s voice was a barely audible whisper. “We’re on curfew, so I’m not allowed to be talking to you right now.”

“I do not mind that you have to whisper and hide under your sheets, but perhaps it is more logical to just call one another tomorrow?” Spock was sitting on his bed studying for his next exam. It was true that Jim’s voice helped him study, but he did not want to get Jim into trouble at school.

In just a few weeks, Jim went from loving his new school to greatly disliking it. He claimed the classes were getting harder, and they weren’t allowed out much anymore.

“I’m not supposed to be calling you this late. We’re on stupid curfew lockdown all week, but I need to hear your voice daily.” Jim sighed. “It’s better than listening to my roommate snore. He doesn’t even snore in the cute way that you do.”

“You can hear my voice more often, if you do your meditations like you promised.” Spock pointed out.

“It’s hard to concentrate.” There was the sound of Jim shuffling under his bed. “I have way more school work than ever before. I mean, I like most of it, it’s just it makes my brain all tired. Plus, they keep punishing us because of all the fuck-ups who try and sneak out and stuff. That’s why they made us all go to bed early.”

“I understand.” Spock said, not looking up from the intense notes he was taking. “I find collective punishment illogical, but I am pleased you are handling it well without rebelling.”

“Well, it’s not like I can sneak out too. There’s nothing fun around to do. I’m just gonna be a super good boy until summer, then I’m free from school for a few months.  I can’t wait to see you again. I think we should stay in California. We can go to the beach.”

“I do enjoy the beach, but I wonder how Ko-elki will react to the water?”

“You’re gonna bring your cat?”Jim laughed.

“Of course.” Spock looked over where she was sleeping on his pillow. “I enjoying spending time with her. She is very smart. I am teaching her Vulcan commands.”

“That’s so cute.” Jim suddenly gasped. Spock’s superior hearing detected movement in the background. Spock leaned in.

“Jim?”

“It’s the dorm adviser.” Jim breathed. “They can’t see that I’m up. Gotta go. Love you.”

Spock heard him hang up. He knew it was only logical for Jim to conform to the new rules of his school, but something was nagging at Spock’s mind. If all of the students were being punished for a few student’s actions, then that was not fair to Jim.

  * _How do you feel today? I have noticed you have been lacking presence in our link._



Spock excused himself to the restroom at school the next day to message Jim. He did not expect a response right away, considering Jim also had class, but apparently, Jim did not mind missing his lecture to respond.

  * **Sort of.**
  * **It’s just that they’ve been cracking down on rules lately. I mean, I don’t mind the school work. Some of it is fun and interesting. But I got yelled at today about my earrings and they made me take them out.**
  * _I am sorry._
  * **It’s whatever. I’m just sick of having to all go to bed so early or stay inside. I tried to sign up to volunteer to tend to the fields. At least I’d get some fresh air. But they said no. Like, they aren’t letting anyone out to the fields. No wonder the food sucks lately.**
  * _I thought the school’s food supply was fresh crops?_
  * **It doesn’t taste fresh. I swear it’s replicated. Plus, the portions are small.**
  * _I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do._
  * **It’s whatever. I’m just following the dumb rules no matter how much I hate them. Anything to be able to see you again soon.**
  * **Love you.**
  * _I love you as well._



Spock did not even feel a hitch when expressing his emotions through text. He was too busy scrutinizing every detail of their conversation. Spock was under the impression that Jim’s school offered to have the students raise the crops for educational purposes, but now they were denying that, and supplying replicated food. Was this another punishment? Why would they do such a thing? If Jim’s class truly was made of troubled boys, or delinquents as Jim said, then so many punishments was not the way to reform them.

Spock tried to clear his head of these thoughts and return to his classroom, but he still had a nagging negative emotion. Perhaps they _both_ needed to meditate.

 

 

“Sa-kai?” Sanara knocked on Spock’s bedroom door. 

Spock had been looking up photos and videos of proper prom attire. He was just imagining him and Jim wearing those odd-looking Earth tuxedos and Jim presenting him with a corsage made of his favorite Earth flowers. He quickly closed the page and pulled up his homework as she opened the door.

“Yes?”

“I must discuss something important with you.” She came in and sat on his bed before wrapping her arms around Ko-elki. 

Spock put down his homework and looked at her expectantly. At the moment, he was sure that she was only in here because she wanted to play with the cat, until she sighed.

“There is a female Vulcan in my class I would like to bond with, but I am unsure how to approach her.” There was a tiny green blush on her cheeks. “I am asking you because you seem to have a successful bond with Jim.”

“You should just approach her and ask to get to know her. Perhaps you could take her somewhere. Then you will know if you are compatible.”

“Perhaps I could take her to the café nearby. You always take Jim there. Of course, I know better than to hold hands in public.”

Spock scowled at her, feeling his cheeks flush slightly. He was just about to ask her to leave, as it seemed all she now wanted to do was press her face into his cat’s fur. She then looked up.

“I have one last question.”

“Yes?”

“Is it true that bonded individuals are linked for life? They can read one another’s thoughts and emotions?”

“Yes, that is true.” Spock nodded. “This bond is made by an elder.”

Spock’s own mental link with Jim had been spontaneous, so he did not bring it up. After all, he still had no idea exactly how or why it was formed, and he did not want to get her hopes up and make her think she could form one like that too without help.

“That is fascinating, and seems useful.” She nodded. “So, you will always know when they are happy or upset.”

“That is why Vulcans have long and successful unions.”

“Thank you, Spock.” She patted Ko-elki’s head a few times before leaving.

Spock then tried to focus back on his work, but his negative nagging feelings had returned. As his sister had pointed out, knowing your partner’s emotions was important. He could not just take Jim’s word that he was fine. Spock had to know for sure.

He turned off his PADD and got his meditation things together. With the dim lights and relaxing scents, Spock closed his eyes and reached out.

“ _Jim…”_

There was only silence. Even after waiting as the moments stretched out and all outward thoughts faded. He was only aware of his own mind, and their silent bond.

He tried to tell himself that Jim had just not been meditating enough to keep their link strong out of laziness. That had to be the reason. Just in case, he also sent Jim a message online asking about his status, before going back to his homework.

He knew he had to focus on his exams, but he was still worried. He could only give about ninety-percent of his attention to his work. The rest was thinking about Jim.

 

 

Jim Kirk could not sleep. It wasn’t because the bed in his dorm room still felt alien after all two-and-a-half months, or because his roommate was snoring again, or even because he missed Spock. He did miss Spock. Of course he did.

The reason was that he was starving. When he’d first got to Tarsus Academy, he never expected this to happen. Pike and Spock kept going on about what a good school this was, and he stupidly decided he’d change himself here. He’d be good, get credits, and be able to enter summer break with nothing on his mind but Spock.

It wasn’t that Jim had lied when he told Spock he liked it here. Things were fine at first. It just all went to hell in just a couple of weeks. Jim wore the uniform, went to his super-advanced nerd classes, and even enjoyed them. After classes he did his homework, chilled in the common room, and then had dinner at the mess hall. On the weekends, he and some of the other boys in his class were on duty to trek out to the crop fields and learn about the science of growing Terran crops on alien soil. It was supposed to be educational.

But for some reason, last weekend, when he had his team had reported to the courtyard, they were told to go back inside. Apparently, the security footage had reported someone trying to sneak off the campus. They were all on lockdown and curfew since then.

He didn’t know if the no food was part of the punishment or not, but he was pretty sure this was illegal, or child abuse, or something. He hadn’t eaten anything good in ten days.

His grades seemed to be slipping. He felt like yelling and screaming, and defying authority more than usual. He’d already put his earrings back in as a small form of rebellion.

“Spock.” He sighed and sat up in bed. Spock would understand. Spock would send him calming thoughts from meditation, and Jim would be able to get through it.

It was just that he couldn’t do it. His mental health was shot to hell. He felt agitated all the time, and he couldn’t sit still. Silence just made the sound of his growling stomach louder.

Fuck this. He had to do something.

Jim carefully slipped out of bed and went to the window. He parted the blinds and looked out across the courtyard. Across from the dormitory was the mess hall. He couldn’t believe he was about to sneak out. Well, he technically wasn’t leaving campus, so they couldn’t punish him.

He carefully snuck across the room to the closet and grabbed his shoes and a jacket. He put them on, constantly glancing at Kevin’s bed to make sure his roommate was still sleeping. He then held his breath as he opened the door and closed it softly behind him.

His head felt heavy and throbbed in pain. His stomach felt a mix of hungry and queasy as he started down the hall. Suddenly, there was the sound of the door opening back up behind him.

“What are you doing!?” Kevin asked in a harsh whisper.

“Nothing. Go back to bed.” Jim hissed.

“You’re going to get us all in trouble again.”

“I don’t care.” Jim turned up the collar on his jacket. “I’m hungry. There’s a difference between punishment, and torture.”

“Don’t be such a stupid farmboy. You can handle replicated for a little while longer, and then they’ll lift the punishment. They’re just trying to make us complacent.”

“I’m not complacent.” Jim turned and kept going down the hallway.

“Jim!” Kevin dared hiss a tad louder, but Jim kept going, turning the corner.

He tiptoed past the other doors, holding his breath when the floor creaked. He went to the stairwell and climbed all the way down to the ground floor.

On the ground floor was the rec room. Jim had spent time studying here in the first few weeks, back before the torture started. He tested his luck on the keypad, and smirked when the door unlocked. It was lucky he’d watched the dorm advisor locking up just before curfew.

Inside, Jim went past the chessboard tables and pool tables to the large windows behind the couches. On ground level, this was a much safer way to sneak out than using the front entrance.

Jim grabbed a pool cue from the table and carefully unscrewed it in half. He pried open the window and slid it up, propping the cue up to hold it.

He leaned out the window and placed one hand onto the ground outside. Stray leaves crunched under his hand and he felt wetness from the grass and dirt seep against his skin as he put his other hand out and pulled himself outside.

He slipped over the windowsill and landed roughly on the ground. After brushing leaves and dirt from his pajamas, he pressed against the building and crept around.

He paused around the corner, letting his eyes fall ahead onto the entrance to the mess hall. How was he supposed to get in? He only knew one code, and he doubted that it was going to work.

It was hard to think with his head throbbing, but Jim tried to formulate a plan as his eyes roamed across the campus. The library? No, nothing to eat there except knowledge. The science and math buildings were out of the question too.

Then his eyes stared straight ahead, past the buildings, benches, fountains and statues. The wall around campus always reminded him of a prison yard. On the other side was not only the road to the most populated part of the planet’s colony, but it was always where the fields were.

Food.

Was Jim really considering eating food straight off the stalks? Well, he’d done that a few times before back in Riverside, and there was nothing wrong with it.

He broke out into a run across the campus until his body nearly slammed into the wall. His hands pressed against the cold stone, the same plain grey as the buildings.

Going to the gate wasn’t gonna work. He needed a code to open it past curfew, and he was pretty sure there were security cameras over there. No, he’d climb it just like this. That shouldn’t be too hard.

He stood up on his tiptoes and jumped. His fingers just barely curled over the edge of the wall before he landed back down. He was too short. This wasn’t going to work.

He turned and surveyed the area again. There were some trees reasonably close to the wall that he might be able to climb, but their branches looked too thin. His eyes then landed on a statue on one side of the courtyard.

Governor Kodos apparently believed in good education, even off planet, and helped found Tarsus Academy. Jim was just thankful for his statue as he wrapped his hands around the statue’s arm and pulled himself up onto its shoulders.

He banged his knees a little, and felt his hand scrape uncomfortably against the stone of it, but he ignore the feeling. Once he was steady, he turned and looked towards the wall.

His plan to somehow jump across halted, and his mouth fell open in shock.

There were no stalks over the wall. The fields were bare. Jim felt the pain in his stomach worsen as his whole body clenched up. Desperately, his eyes scanned the fields. Everything had been cut down.

No.

Destroyed, not cut. The stumps, leaves and vines coating the soil were all broken. They seemed to be coated in something that looked like dust. Black dust. Soot of some kind? Had there been a fire? Could a fire have destroyed their food supply? He couldn’t recall ever seeing or smelling smoke.

No. His eyes widened a fraction as his farm boy knowledge came back to him. It was fungus. He had no idea what kind, but it was definitely some fungus that destroyed their food.

It was all gone. He was just weighing his options on fleeing to the colony, when he felt someone grab his arm.

“What –?” Jim looked down.

“Mr. Kirk, get down from there. You are in a direct breech of curfew.” Mr. Roberts, Jim’s history teacher, and dorm advisor said from below.

“What the hell is this?” Jim yanked his arm out of their grip and jumped down onto the ground.

“Mr. Riley got me as soon as he knew you were up to trouble. I understand children your age have little respect for authority, but do you not at least have respect for your classmates? Breaking the rules results in everyone –“

“Don’t give me that.” Jim snapped. “You’re all lying. You’re not punishing us. You’re lying to us. The reason we don’t get any food, is because we _have_ no food.”

Robert’s face paled slightly behind his mustache and glasses. Jim did not feel his usual smugness at showing up teachers. He just felt sicker.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Everything is regrowing –“

“At a snail’s pace. That’s why you never let us outside anymore!” Jim clenched his fists. “So, that’s it, then? It’s gone. You’ve contacted the colony and asked them for food, right? I mean, we’re four-hundred starving kids. They’d help us, right?”

Roberts did not say anything. He eyes dropped, as did Jim’s stomach. He recoiled slightly.

“It’s the whole planet!? And you thought we’d never find out! You were never going to say anything!? You were just going to keep us all locked up and doing homework until we starved to death!?”

“Lower your voice, Mr. Kirk.” Roberts hissed before reaching for Jim’s arm again. “This is not as bad as you may think. Governor Kodos has announced his plans to help the colony. He had a press conference just hours ago, where he confirmed he contacted the Federation for Earth’s help.”

“So?” Jim pulled back again. “When’s this help getting here?”

“He is doing all he can.” Roberts smiled, but it gave Jim a sick suspicious feeling as his question was dodged. “He will be visiting our campus soon.”

“Why?”

“He believes in the prospects of all these young students, despite their troubled backgrounds. I am sure he wants to thank us all for complying for so long during this…shortage.”

“Starvation.” Jim snapped. “Nothing replicated you served us had any real value. You don’t even have a good store of that, do you?”

“Mr. Kirk.” Roberts seemed to be losing patience. “I trust our Governor. He is brilliant. How else would Tarsus IV have become the fifth most retired-to Earth colony in just eight years since he took office?”

Jim did not know what to say, especially as Roberts was not smiling at Jim in an overly sappy way. Jim did not know if he could trust Kodos or not, but he eventually just hung his head.

“Fine. Whatever. I’m going back to bed.” He sighed.

“Jim?” Roberts reached into his coat and handed him something.

Jim recognized the crinkle of wrapper as he took whatever it was from him. Food? He looked down at the energy bar. It was the gross kind that overly-healthy people ate. He had no idea why Robert’s had it, considering he was somewhat portly. Normally, Jim wouldn’t eat something like this, but in this moment, it looked delicious.

“Back to bed.” Roberts nodded. “And, I suppose I won’t give you a demerit for this on one condition.”

“What?”

“Take those earrings out. They are against dress code.”

Jim went back to his dorm room. He checked his watch and saw that it was almost five in the morning. He’d have to get up in a couple of hours for a tiny breakfast and hours of class, so he might as well try to get some sleep.

He opened the door and saw Kevin sitting up on his bed. Jim scowled at him as he toed off his shoes and tossed his jacket onto the floor.

“Thanks for ratting me out.”

“I didn’t want us all to get blamed because you were breaking curfew.” Kevin said. “All I did was make sure Mr. Roberts knew it was just you.”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore.” Jim was suddenly tired. He just wanted to lay down. “Mr. Roberts found me and –“

Jim paused. Roberts had not told Jim to keep what he learned to himself, but he had definitely implied it. Would there be mass panic if everyone knew the truth? Or would they all just blindly trust Kodos?

“What?” Kevin’s voice brought him back.

“Nothing.” Jim shook his head. “He just let me off with a warning.”

“Did he say anything about letting up on the meal punishments?” Kevin sounded slightly more desperate, and Jim guiltily thought of the energy bar in his pocket.

“Y-Yeah. He said soon. Everything’s gonna be fine soon.” Jim averted his gaze. He started towards his bed before the guilt became too much. Jim reached into his pocket, opened the wrapper, and broke off half. “Here.”

“Thanks!” Kevin took it. “Where did you get this?”

“Stole it.” Jim didn’t know why he lied. It didn’t even make him feel any better. He laid on his bed and ate his half of the bar. It wasn’t that good, but Jim didn’t care.

He then curled up in his bed and tried not to think about anything. Still, flashes of the destroyed field kept popping into his head. He thought of the thousands of other colony citizens, and hoped everything was going to be okay. Maybe the help would be here tomorrow.

He briefly considered trying to meditate now that he’d eaten, but he fell asleep before he could. Even without the focus and discipline of meditating, Spock was always on his mind. He dreamed of his boyfriend wrapped around him, keeping him warm, and telling him everything was going to be all right.

 

Spock had been sitting on the bench outside the administrative office for the Vulcan Science Academy for almost twenty minutes. Everything he knew about emotional control was going into keeping him sitting still and not thinking too hard about what was going on on the other side of the door.

T’Pring had been called in before Spock. He did not know why she was in there so long. How long did it take to discuss the results of her entrance exam? Did a longer meeting time mean she was being accepted or rejected?

Of course she was being accepted. Sometimes Spock believed she was smarter than he was.

Spock had gotten full marks on all of his final exams. He got bonus points in all of the sciences, and he hoped that made up for the ordinary full marks on his math. He did not feel nervous about those exams. He had been taking exams in the skill dome lab since he was six years old.

No, the nerve wracking thing had been the entrance exam for the academy. His family had wished him luck, and even Jim had sent him messages saying he believed in Spock’s ability. Spock had ignored his worry over not hearing Jim in their mental link –after all, Jim likely had his own school work –and tried to just focus on his exam.

He and T’Pring arrived at the academy and were led into the testing hall. It consisted of rows and rows of desks and benches instead of computers. To his surprise, the entrance exam was several stacks of paper stapled together, to be done with a primitive pencil.

“So there is absolutely no threat of academic dishonesty.” The exam proctor had explained after Spock and T’Pring had given each other odd looks.

Spock and T’Pring sat across the room from one another and began. They had only ninety minutes, so Spock was forced to answer everything with as concise language as he could.

He did not anticipate losing himself in the many intriguing  questions. He required extra paper to finish his many essays. He was just finishing one on the differences between Terran and Vulcan sand when the proctor told them time was up.

Spock leaned back and admired his work. He had completed all seventy pages, though on some he had written longer answers than others. His hands were covered in graphite smudges and there were eraser shavings all over his robes.

The proctor collected their exams and told them to take an hour lunch before their hearings with the school headmasters.

“How do you think you did?” T’Pring asked.

They were allowed to eat in the dining hall with the academy students. Spock knew they stood out, because they were wearing Learning Center uniforms, but he did not mind. Among older and mature Vulcans, no one ostracized them.

“I am optimistic.” Spock nodded. “As for yourself?”

“I am optimistic as well, though I found writing with such a primitive utensil hindered my ability.”

Spock, who had had plenty of practice with primitive utensils growing up in the form of crayons and markers when making pictures with Jim, did not have that problem.

When it was time for the headmasters to discuss their results, T’Pring was called in first. Spock wished her luck and sat outside.

As he had now been waiting for half an hour, he considered making better use of this time by meditating. He closed his eyes and tried to tune out the feeling of the heavy wood beneath him and the faint heat in the air. The sounds of the occasional student walking past the lobby began to fade in his mind.

 _“Jim…”_ Spock did not mean to reach for their link, but it was instinct at this point.

“Spock?”

Spock opened his eyes and turned to see T’Pring exiting the chambers. He stood up and brushed dust from his robes. He looked into her eyes, and for what seemed like the first time, she cracked a smile at him.

“I got in.” Her smile widened. “Just as I predicted, the counsel suggests I major in scientific mathematics.”

“I am happy for you.” Spock smiled back.

“Thank you.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “They asked me to send you in now. I will wait for you here.”

She sat down on the bench and began looking through the course curriculum loaded on her PADD. Spock took a deep breath and walked into the chambers.

The counsel of headmasters sat behind raised benches. Spock felt very small down below, despite his height. He suddenly began feeling nervous once more as he stared up at them.

“Spock,” Counsel Member Sorek began. “We have reviewed your exam and discussed it in length. When looking back at your school records, it seems you have passed all of your classes with high marks, without having to repeat anything. You have also completed physical courses with seemingly no problems.”

“Yes.” Spock kept his eyes on them, despite his nervousness.

He wondered if they expected him to fail his physical courses because of his human genes, or because of what happened with Stonn. Did they even know about that? Surely, it had to be on his records.

“While you passed your classes on Vulcan sciences, we have noticed your research project done in course level six was not on a branch of Vulcan science, but on Humans.”

“Y-Yes.” Spock had almost forgotten about that. It was back when child-like innocence of bigotry was the only thing that made Spock actually think his work would we published.

“We have gone through your entrance exam and found that your most passionate essays also concern Humans and Terran life.  You explain how to grow Terran flowers on Vulcan soil for almost ten pages.”

“I learned that information from reading the works of a Vulcan botanist.” Spock said defensively. If they were going to reject him, he wished they would just do so and not make it so drawn out.

“For this reason, we do not believe that our curriculum suits you.”

“You are rejecting me.”  Spock felt a stab in his heart, but showed nothing on his face.

“We are not rejecting you.” Sorek said. “We simply believe your talents do not lie in Vulcan sciences, but in Terran ones. For this reason, we cannot logically deprive Earth of their next great scientist by allowing you to attend here.

“I…do not understand.”

“There are many acclaimed Terran colleges that have the types of programs you may benefit from. We will send you a list of them. Of course, we will also write you a letter of recommendation that you may send to any of these schools, and they will likely accept you right away.”

“I…” Spock dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head the slightest bit.

This was all so strange, that Spock found himself lagging behind in understanding. His entire life had been spent working towards this one goal, and now they were telling him that he did not belong here? Spock’s mind was racing to comprehend it all.

_“Spock!”_

Spock inhaled slightly in shock. It was Jim’s voice. He could hear it in his head. After weeks of absence, it was back. It was loud. It was overwhelming him with some negative emotion, making him feel worse and worse. Was Jim feeling this?

“I…thank you.” Spock mumbled, turning away from the counsel. “Thank you for your consideration.”

He bolted out of the chambers, past T’Pring in the lobby. His head was throbbing in pain, and he could hear Jim’s voice whispering faintly. He had to find a way to reach back out to him in peace.

“Spock?” T’Pring came up behind him, but he ignored her.

He ran down the hallway, blindly searching, ignoring the pain in his head, long enough to take in the sign for the bathroom ahead. He pushed open the door and slammed it close behind him.

“Jim?” Spock spoke aloud as he leaned against the bathroom door and slowly sunk to the floor. He let his eyes fall shut and soon everything was gone.

He was not aware of the cold tile beneath him, or the steady sound of one of the bathroom taps dripping water.

There was nothing around him. He felt nothing and heard nothing. He existed only in his headspace, with Jim’s voice speaking clearly.

_“Spock…I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”_

_“Jim? What is happening?”_

_“They said everything was going to be okay. They said it’d all be over soon.”_

_“Jim, please explain.”_

_“It’s all gone. They can only save half the planet. None of the students are citizens of the colony. When_ _Kodos got here, they locked all of the doors. They trapped us in the auditorium, and now they’re…”_

 _“Jim!?”_ Spock buried his face into his hands.

_“I don’t know what’s happening. It’s all dark and they’re pulling us out in groups. The youngest are going first. Kodos said it’s the only way to make sure the colony’s citizens survive. There’s only enough food left for them.”_

Spock began to cry as his body filled with Jim’s emotions and feelings; emptiness in his stomach, fuzziness in his head, pain in his whole body, and guilt. Guilt over keeping his starvation a secret from Spock.

 _“Spock, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_ Jim’s voice was cut off by a rush of fear. Spock could practically hear the door to where the students were locked up being opened.

_“No!”_

_“I love you.”_ Jim’s voice shook with fear.

Nothing but silence followed.

Spock was forced back into reality when he was aware of the door opening behind him and a hand on his shoulder.

“Spock? Are you alright?” T’Pring asked.

Spock did not move. He could not uncurl from his spot. This could not be real. He refused to believe it.

“Spock? Did they reject you? You do not have to cry about it.”

“Get out of here!” Spock lifted his head and looked at her.

She raised an eyebrow and took her hand off of him. Perhaps it was in surprise at seeing tears on his face. He hoped it was enough to just get her to leave. She was not allowed in his bathroom anyways.

“Come on.” She reached down and slipped her arms under his, pulling him to his feet. She was surprisingly strong, so Spock let her practically pull him outside and through the lobby.

“I have to get home.”  Spock found his voice. “Something is wrong with Jim.”

“I will check the train schedule.” She reached for her bag.

“There is no time for that!” Spock turned and started to run down the street.

“Spock!”

He ignored her, feeling his heart hammering in his side as he ran faster down the sidewalk. He did not stop to look for the crosswalk. He bolted through the streets. Cars skidded inches from him. Vulcans honked their horns, calling him illogical through their windshields.

Spock did not stop. He had never run this fast or this long before. His lungs began to protest, but he did not stop. He finally entered the familiar residential area where he lived. He ran onto his street and gasped as a car came closer, stopping too late and slamming into him.

“Boy! Are you alright?” The person opened their door.

Spock jumped back up, ignoring them as well as the pain in his hip and side and continued on to his dwelling. He finally arrived, forcing the door open.

“Something…is wrong!” Spock panted, entering the living room. His lungs screamed for air, and he could feel his lip bleeding, as well as blood trickling from the side of his head.

His parents standing there, their eyes locked onto the video screen. They both turned to look at him. His father’s face was its usual impassive, but Amanda’s told him everything he needed to know. He walked up beside them and looked at the screen.

“Sarek didn’t find out until just now. Kodos didn’t even tell Earth what was happening until it was too late –“ Amanda started, but Spock just held up one hand to silence her.

He stared ahead at the screen. It was a Terran news channel, only accessible if one knew where to look. He doubted anyone else on the planet was watching this. 

“We are on the site of the Tarsus colony, where just moments ago, Starfleet ships arrived with the supplied to save the starving citizens.” The news reporter said.

Spock’s heart leapt slightly. In the background, the large empty fields were covered in swarms of people in Starfleet uniforms unloading cargo and passing out supplies among the crowd. Spock’s scanned the crowd for anyone in the academy uniform, but he did not see anyone.

“Jim told me they were locked in the school auditorium. Did they get out?” Spock’s hands shook.

“Governor Kodos was arrested when it was found he was implementing genocide based on eugenics, in the believe that the death of half of the colony’s citizens would save the other four-thousand people, all starving after the fungus wiped out the colony’s growing crops. His planned seemed to be triggered after the reported death toll of over five-hundred in the colony alone after riots broke out over the left over food.” They reported.

Spock felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder, steadying him as he kept shaking. Spock now understood why this had not been reported earlier. Did the Tarsus Governor truly think he could go that with no repercussions?

“The first ones targeted were the students of Tarsus Academy, who were not considered true colony citizens, since many were only residents during the school year. There was a reported death of at least fifty students before the ships arrived. To protect the identity of these minors, their names and faces will not be shown. If you are considered about the status of a survivor, who is a student, call this number. To inquire about any other colony citizen’s status, this number here –“

Spock muted the report, unable to hear anymore. He looked at his parents. Sarek reached for the phone in his pocket.

“I will call the number and ask about Jim.”

“He cannot be….gone.” Spock thought of the immense fear he’d felt through their bond. It had been cut off so abruptly. Did that mean Jim was gone?

“What is going on?” Sanara walked in, back from her club meeting at school. “Why is Spock bleeding?”

“Just go upstairs. I’ll come up later.” Amanda said. “Go meditate.”

As a good Vulcan child, she did not argue. She went upstairs as Amanda put her hands on Spock’s shoulders and made him sit down.

He did not realize how bad his body ached until his muscles began to relax. Amanda wiped the blood from his face with a wet rag and then went to make tea.

“I knew something was wrong.” Spock said, taking the cup from her. “His presence became less in my mind, but I attributed it to his new school and needing to work harder. I should have done something.”

“You can’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.” She smoothed his hair. “But…what do you mean his presence in your mind? I never knew you were bonded.”

“We were not formally bonded. A link just…happened.” Spock sipped his tea. “I was never sure how, but it has been quite useful.”

“Is that how you knew something was wrong? According to the report, they took all of the students’ technology when Kodos arrived. I suspect so that no one could report what was happening.”

“Yes. Jim told me everything he could telepathically.” Spock looked up as Sarek seemed to be growing slightly more impatient with whomever it was he was speaking to on the phone.

“Yes…Yes, I understand, but I was told to call this number to find out about the victims.” Sarek sighed. “Well, if I knew his status, I would not be calling you.”

Spock could faintly hear the person speaking on the other end. He knew it must be chaos trying to reunite all of the victims with their families, as well as pass out all of the food and medicine. Despite knowing this, Spock was annoyed that it was taking so long.

“I understand that, but I am the ambassador to Earth, and I believe my credentials –“ Sarek was growing slowly greener. “Well, it _the hell_ matters to me!”

“Did you hang up on them?” Amanda gasped.

He took the phone from his ear and pressed it to his chest. He took a few calming breaths until he resembled his old self again.

“No. I am on hold.” Sarek sighed.

Ko-elki came downstairs and jumped into Spock’s lap. Spock watched the captions on the muted screen, reading more about the details surrounding the fungus and the following riots in the colony. It became too much when they showed the burned down remains of the homes of the citizens.

It was getting very late with little progress. Spock watched the same report several times over. He tried to close his eyes and reach out to Jim, hoping to make more progress than Sarek was, but it seemed his mind was too fatigued, and he doubted Jim’s was any better.

“Yes.” Sarek seemed to be back on call. Spock sipped his drink and listened intently. “Yes, a student at the academy. I need to know his status. His name is James Kirk. His grade?” Sarek looked at Spock.

“Eleventh.” Spock said.

“Eleventh.” Sarek relayed the information and waited. “Yes? Yes? He is? I understand.”

“What is it?” Spock sat up.

“Yes, thank you.” Sarek hung up and turned to Spock. “Jim, as well as majority of the students have been sent back to Earth. Jim’s brother is with him now, and they are staying in San Francisco, where he is under the care of a doctor.”

“I must go to him.” Spock stood and started towards the stairs. Ko-elki hopped down from the sofa and began to follow him.

“Spock, wait.”

Spock paused on the bottom step and looked back at his father. He felt Ko-elki wind herself around his ankles.

“I do not think you should leave.”

“Why?”

“It is very late. You should go to sleep and think more logically about it in the morning. Then you will realize it is much more logical for you to stay here.”

“Why?” Spock narrowed his eyes. He did not like these implications, and he was getting impatient.

“Jim is getting help for his physical health, and there is nothing you can add to that. Your schooling at the Science Academy is starting soon, and you should be preparing.”

Spock frowned. He did not tell his parents he’d been rejecting in the chaos of that afternoon. He knew they would be disappointed. He had been too, but in this moment, he didn’t care. He just wanted to go see Jim.

“I have to go.” Spock turned away. “They do not want me to attend there anyways.”

“Think of your future.”

“He is my future!” Spock stomped upstairs to his room.

“Sarek, let him go.” Amanda sighed. “Do you honestly expect him not to?”

Spock slammed his door closed; only thinking of his sleeping sister a moment later. He sighed and began packing his bags. His hands were shaking as he kept thinking of the horrible starving people he’d seen on the news.

As he shoved sweaters into his bag, he thought of his rejection. The board had said his talents just weren’t right for their school. But why? Had be really spent too much of his time writing about humans? What if he had never went to Earth? Would he be as passionate about Vulcan creatures?

Ko-eki hopped into his suitcase and curled up adorably, answering Spock’s question. He smiled and picked her up.

No. Even if this was the reason, he didn’t care. He’d never give up what he had gotten out of being half human.

“What is happening?” Sanara opened Spock’s door and peeked in, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Nothing. I am going away for a bit.” Spock began arranging things in his suitcase.

“Oh. Again?” She sighed.

Spock paused in the middle of folding a sweater and looked at her. She sat on the foot of his bed and pulled Ko-elki into her lap.

“Admit you will just miss Ko-elki, and not me.” Spock zipped the suitcase.

“That is not true. I always miss you when you leave.” She said.

“Do you really?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Spock reached out and patted her head. He thought it would be odd to give her a hug, but he did want to express some sort of Vulcan-approved affection.

“I will miss you too.” He said. “But Jim needs me.”

She watched him finish packing before he finally checked the chronometer by his bed. It was past midnight. He was unsure if he could even get a flight out this late, but he had to try.

When he put Ko-elki in his coat pocket and picked up his suitcase, he saw that Sanara was asleep on his bed. Instead of waking her up, he covered her with a blanket.

It turned out that Spock had to wait a couple of days to get a flight to Earth. He spent that time trying to contact Jim, but it seemed his PADD and phone were never returned to him. Spock tried to reach out to him via meditation, but found that faulty as well. Perhaps he’d have better luck on the shuttle.

Amanda hugged him before he left, and he tried to make amends with his father by telling him not to worry about Spock’s schooling. There had to be other options, not that Spock cared about them right now.  

He boarded the shuttle and found that he was alone. That let him take Ko-elki out of his pocket her roam. She hopped into the seat beside him and curled up.

Spock closed his eyes and tried to reach out. After a long bout of silence, the few days of exhaustion caught up with him and he fell asleep, slumped against the window, as Earth grew closer. Ko-elki got back in his lap and fell asleep too.

 

 

The last time Spock thought of the distant Terran shore had been in one of his last history lectures before his final exam. He transcribed his notes as the Savensu recalled the trek of the first Vulcans to colonize a city by the Vulcan ocean.

They then showed holo-vids of what the area –now a large city –may have looked like untamed; red jagged cliffs of bare sandy rock with boiling water always crashing against it. Spock appreciated it for its dangerous beauty, yet his mind began to wander.

He thought of his first trip to the Terran ocean. Jim had led him there blindly, and Spock had opened his eyes in wonder. They had played in the sand and water and Spock had been smiling, he was so happy.

He expected to feel that way the next time he saw the ocean with Jim; the two of them unbothered by school obligations, at least for the summer. Spock would study the tiny crabs, and Jim would lay shirtless on a towel and grow tan.

That was not what ended up happening. The Terran ocean became tainted in Spock’s mind following the events of his visit to Jim. It stung like cat’s claws in his lap, which was exactly what Spock felt as he pulled Ko-elki from his robes and carried her to the hotel.

Spock did not expect to see Sam Kirk standing outside the hotel room. Spock put Ko-elki down on the floor so that he could great him properly with the ta’al.

“Good morning.”

“Oh, you’re here. Morning. You’re…uh…taller than I remember.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“You are hairier than I recall.” Spock said. In their younger days, Jim and his brother had always looked a lot alike, but now in addition to having darker hair, Sam had a darker beard covering his face. Spock wondered if he was wearing his facial hair that way to try to lessen the resemblance to his late father.

“Right, well, I just wanted to catch you before you went in.” Sam said. “To prepare you.”

“Prepare me?” Spock raised an eyebrow. “Has Jim changed?”

“Yeah…mentally, physically…I just didn’t want you to be shocked. He’s sensitive to it.”

“I assure you I am adept to handle it. I understand these changes can follow events such as these.”

“Right. Well…okay then.” He reached back for the doorknob. “Just try not to say anything to upset him.”

If Spock were capable of emotions, he might have been offended at the notion that he would upset Jim. However, since he was completely logical, he just picked his bag up and let the cat slip into the room first when Sam opened the door.

Jim was sitting in a wheelchair by the hotel room window, gazing out. He turned to look at Spock when he entered, and Spock stopped in his tracks when he saw just how different Jim was.

The sweatshirt he wore seemed to hang off his much thinner frame. Someone had felt the need to cut Jim’s hair back to its usual short length that he’d had when under his mother’s care. This completely dismissed the time Jim had spent growing it out.

There were dark circles under his eyes, accented by his pale skin. It scared Spock. Jim was never this pale before. As Spock came closer, he noticed how bony Jim’s wrists were. That scared Spock too. A strange part of himself wanted to run from the near-dead person before him. His more logical mind reminded him that this was the person he loved.

“Hey, Jim, Spock’s here.” Sam said, putting on a smile.

“I can see that. I’m not blind.” Jim snapped, his eyes going back to the window.

“Well, you said you’d take your medicine when Spock got here, remember?”

“Uh, yes, I said that just an hour ago. I didn’t forget. I’m not stupid.” Jim’s acid tongue was not new to Spock, but this level of it was unprecedented. Sam did not seem bothered.

“I’ll get it for you, then.” He went to the kitchen area as Spock stepped closer.

“Can you believe this?” Jim slumped down in his chair and stretched his legs out. “My bones are too weak for me to even walk. I’ve gotta take supplements.”

Spock knew that was a common effect of malnutrition, and the reports Spock had been reading showed that many Tarsus citizens were having the same symptoms. Spock did not want to upset Jim, so he said nothing.

“Here.” Sam came back and gave Jim a large pill and glass of water. “Drink it all, okay?”

“Well, why didn’t you just put the water in a baby bottle for me? Wanna change my diaper while you’re at it?”

Sam said nothing, but Spock noticed he sighed the slightest bit in relief when Jim began to drink the water.

“How was your trip?” Jim asked Spock, yet kept his head turned towards the window.

“Uneventful, though Ko-elki experienced minor discomfort at several instances. I will be sure to mark this in my reports.”

“You brought her?” Jim looked over and began to perk up slightly. As if on cue, the cat padded over and looked up at Jim, her whiskers twitching happily. “She’s so big now.”

“Yes. I have been documenting her growth in my reports. Every day I feed her, brush her, and meditate with her. She is very good at it.”

“Are you sure she’s not just falling asleep?” Jim cracked a smile resembling his own self. It made Spock’s heart beat frantically.

“Perhaps.” Spock admitted. He then reached for his PADD and pulled up his reports.

Ko-elki hopped into Jim’s lap. Spock winced slightly at the thought of her crushing Jim’s frail body, but Jim didn’t seem to mind. He scratched her behind the ears and she began to purr.

“Would you like to hear my reports?” Spock asked.

“Sure, read me something.” Jim kept petting the cat. Spock sat down by Jim’s chair and began to read.

“Ko-elki is growing at the proper rate. She had adjusted easily to Vulcan conditions. Her lack of a tail does not seem to have affected her balance in any way.”

After a while, Spock showed Jim the videos he’d been taking of Ko-elki playing in the garden. She hunted through the sand for tiny bugs and lizards, and killed them swiftly with her claws. Jim actually laughed at the video of Ko-elki crouched behind  a corner in the hallway, just waiting for Sarek to come by so that she could pounce and sink her teeth into his ankle.

“I’m really glad you decided to keep her then.” Jim said.

“Yes.” Spock leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. “There are some theories that sehlats can form telepathic bonds with their Vulcan owners. I now wonder if cats can as well? I should put that in my reports.”

Jim chuckled and lifted a hand out towards Spock, hovering just above his head. Spock noticed him pause but could not fathom why. He thought of years before, and how Jim had been very shy about touching him.

Spock had thought all of that had changed over the winter where they spent every night in each other’s arms. Had what happened to Jim reverted him back to his former shyness? It was almost painful for Spock to admit that was possible.

Spock reached out and took Jim’s hand in his own. It was shockingly cold, but Spock tried not to show any reaction on his face. He just smiled softly at Jim. His usual desires to kiss Jim came forward, but Spock repressed them for now.

“So, Spock, you probably had a long journey here.” Sam said, coming back in the room. Spock reluctantly took his hand from Jim’s and stood up in case he was being asked to leave. “You’re probably pretty hungry. How about I order us all some pizza?”

Sam was looking at Jim instead of Spock, and Spock looked over as well. He then realized Sam was really seeking Jim’s approval for food and not Spock’s.

“That sounds adequate.” Spock nodded, also looking at Jim.

“Jim?” Sam prompted.

“Huh?” He looked up from his lap. “Yeah, whatever, that’s fine.”

“Okay.” Sam seemed to take that as a very enthusiastic response.

Sam seemed to have forgotten that Vulcans were vegetarians. Spock spent several moments pulling meat off of his pizza and putting it in a pile in the corner of his plate. Ko-elki licked her lips as she watched him. Spock was tempted to give her some, but he did not want to change her diet without consulting his research. He finally relented when she jumped sweetly into his lap and began kneading his belly with her paws.

When he looked up, he saw that Jim’s piece was mostly untouched. Spock wondered if Jim did not like it, but after mentally going over everything he’d ever observed about Jim, he knew that wasn’t the case.

“What is the matter?” Spock asked. “You should be eating. You are very malnourished.”

“Don’t –!” Sam grabbed Spock harshly on the shoulder. Spock saw only too late what effects his words had on Jim.

“I’m not hungry.” Jim snapped, turning away.

Sam sighed and began to clear the plates. Spock looked over Jim once more. He was so thin. Spock began to feel scared again.

“At least drink something before the doctor gets here.” Sam said, handing Jim another glass of water.

“Why does he have to come look at me every day? I haven’t changed.” Jim began to drink the water.

“You should be changing if you’re taking your meds every day. Besides, you didn’t wanna stay at the hospital, and the deal was that in exchange, he’d come check up on you here.”

Spock tried to spend more time with Jim, reading to him from his PADD, but he could tell Jim was not as invested as he’d once been.

There was a knock on the door. Spock looked up from his PADD as Sam let the doctor in.

“Hello Jim, how are you feeling today?” The doctor approached their spot by the window.

“Okay, I guess.” Jim slumped down in his chair again.

The doctor made several notes on his PADD and Spock took this time to observe him. He had white hair, a white beard, and wore a long white coat. Spock was just wondering about his credentials, when Sam beckoned for Spock to follow him out into the hallway.

“Just wanna give them privacy.” Sam closed the door behind them.

“Does this doctor know what he is doing?” Spock picked up Ko-elki, who had followed him out. “He should be giving Jim something to stimulate his appetite. It is not normal for him to not want to eat in his current state.”

“Actually, it is. What he…what everyone went through was traumatic. He saw everyone around him starve. He’s not going to be able to eat without feeling guilty about it.”

“That is illogical.”

“No, it’s pretty normal for physical and emotional trauma.” Sam ran a hand through his hair.

Spock narrowed his eyes in thought as he ran his hand over the cat’s head. Emotional trauma…maybe he truly did not know anything about that. He did not like feeling ignorant of this situation.

“I will do the proper research on it in order to help Jim.”

“Good. I don’t really know much myself. I’m only doing what Dr. Ford says is best. We can’t force him to eat. We have to wait until he wants to.”

“What are his credentials? Are you sure he is the best doctor to look after Jim?” Spock was sure Jim would eat if it were logically reminded of him that he had to. Sam was being too lenient, in Spock’s opinion.

“He was the one recommended. He’s treating a lot of the Tarsus students right now. He’s the best for Jim until the Akira gets here.”

“The Akira?” Spock narrowed his eyes again. “That is the ship your mother works on.”

“Yeah. Everyone agreed it’d be best if Jim goes on board with Mom for a while.”

“What?” Spock tried to calm his emotions to keep from squeezing the cat in his arms. “Why?”

“There’s a whole staff of doctors and nurses on the ship. Starfleet is really going to accommodate so Jim can live there and get the best help.”

“She is not best to watch after him.” Spock said. “She abandoned you both.”

“She had an obligation to her job.” Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t wanna get into this now. She was never perfect but she loves him. She wants him there with her.”

“This is illogical.” Spock’s voice snapped just slightly. “He should come to Vulcan with me. We have doctors that can take care of him.”

“I don’t know much about your planet, but do you _really_ think Vulcans know how to deal with emotional trauma?”

“I am sure they can learn.” Spock said defensively. “We have to at least try.”

“I really don’t think –“

“He needs me. What makes you think the best thing is to take him away from me?”

“You’re not the only one who loves him!”

They both fell silent, glaring at one another, but neither one holding true animosity. Spock let Ko-elki fall from his arms, and the only sounds were her paws softly hitting the floor. She began winding around his ankles again, and Spock lowered his gaze to think.

“What does Jim think of this?” He asked, trying to reel his emotions back in.

“He agreed, after we explained to him he could take as long as he wanted to feel better before he had to sign up for online classes. Mom is really adamant that he gets his high school diploma.”

“Admirable.” Spock had to agree.

“Meanwhile I’ll be bouncing between Riverside and the colony on Deneva. I’ve actually got a lot of work there, but I wanna keep the farmhouse running so Jim has a place to come back to.”

“Are the animals going to be alright?” Spock felt a pang of emotion as he thought of the gentle faces of the cows and his many chicken namesakes.

“Oh yeah.” Sam cracked a smile. “The last thing anyone wants is to re-home them. Mom’s gonna keep paying the caretaker when I’m not there. Neither of you have to worry.”

Spock picked Ko-elki again and held her close to his chest. He knew having the animals to look forward to was perfect for Jim, but a selfish part of him wondered if Jim was looking forward to spending more time with Spock, once he was fully healed as well.

The door opened and Dr. Ford stepped into the hallway. Spock approached him, questions burning in his mind.

“How is he? May I ask the exact medicines and dosages you have him on? Is there any way I can look at your reports?”

“I’m only authorized to show this information to family members.” Dr. Ford said. He passed his PADD to Sam and Spock tried not to glare as he watched him read over the information. “With the additional shots, he should be ready to board the Akira by the time it arrives on Friday.”

Friday. Spock inhaled sharply. That was only four days away. He never ever had enough time with Jim. Spock narrowed his eyes again and looked at the doctor.

“Are you sure he will be fit for space travel? The change in atmospheric pressure on his bones –“

“Ahh, don’t worry…sir.” The doctor smiled at Spock. Spock was unsure whether he felt patronized. “The gravity levels on the Akira match those here on Earth. There will be his mother and plenty of doctors onboard to look after him. One of whom was a personal student of mine. I trust their judgment.”

“What about his emotional trauma?”

“Starfleet has doctors for that too. They are the top priority for the Tarsus patients. I am not sure if Vulcans know this, but emotional pain is just as traumatic as –“

“I know that.” Spock said curtly. He did not appreciate his species being thought of as ignorant of emotional problems, but even now, he had to admit that perhaps this was the best plan for Jim.

“Here.” Sam looked at Spock before handing the PADD back to the doctor. “Is there any way I can get him authorized to see Jim’s information?”

“If you have the patient sign a form, you can add non-family members on to see it.” He pulled up the file. “I will send it to you. You have my office number if you have any more questions. I will see you tomorrow.”

“I will ask Jim about the form.” Spock turned to go back in.

“Not yet.” Sam said. “He’s always really grumpy after Dr. Ford leaves. He’s sore from the shots. Ask if later. For now, I can tell you the medicine he’s on does make him nauseous, so that’s part of the reason why he doesn’t want to eat. I usually have good luck with him in the evenings, though. Put him a good mood, then he’ll eat something.”

Spock nodded. If there was one thing he was good at, it was putting Jim in a good mood. He’d start with something he knew both he and Jim loved –animals. He took Ko-elki into the room and placed her on Jim’s lap.

“She’s so warm.” Jim smiled and stroked her head.

“Are you cold?” Spock asked. “I can adjust the temperature.”

“Not if you’re fine.”

“I am always cold on Earth.” Spock reminded him. It was true that he was, and he was relieved to have an excuse to raise the temperature. He also went to his suitcase and got a sweater for Jim. Jim put it on over the one he was already wearing.

“You wanna play some chess?”

“Yes.” Spock figured winning would put Jim in a good mood as well.

Spock pulled up a chair and Jim set the board up on a tiny table between them. Spock noticed it was a new board, and wondered if Jim’s old one was back in Riverside, or worse, somewhere in the limbo between Tarsus and Earth, along with all his other things.

As they played, Spock could not keep focused, meaning Jim was winning. Usually Spock was distracted by Jim in a fascinated way, but this time it was different. He was distracted by him in the sense that he could not stop noticing how different he was.

He was so thin, and though he still smiled at Spock, it did not seem to reach his eyes. When their hands brushed on the board, Spock noticed Jim’s hands were still freezing cold.

“Whoa, are you trying to get fresh with me?” Jim asked when Spock held Jim’s hand between his. Spock was relieved he resembled his old self then.

“You are very cold.” Spock said, rubbing his fingers. Only a few moments later, did he seem to understand what Jim meant. Such an action did seem to help Jim’s temperature, but it also had warming affects on Spock. He felt his cheeks grow warmer, before he placed Jim’s hand back into the table.

“Thanks. I feel way better.” Jim smirked at him before taking his turn. “Check mate.”

Spock looked down at the board and saw that he had lost. He did not feel upset. He was quite used to this. His plan to keep Jim in good spirits had worked, and that was all that mattered.

“Would you like a warm drink?” Spock asked.

“Yeah, but don’t get up. I can get it.” Jim placed his hands on the table and slowly rose up from his wheelchair.

“Jim –“ Sam started.

“I got it.” Jim snapped.

Sam didn’t argue, but Spock could see him watching carefully from his spot on the couch. Spock watched as well with baited breath and Jim began taking wobbly steps towards the kitchen.

He swayed slightly, and Spock kept his ears pricked for the sounds of breaking bones, but Jim made it, leaning heavily against the kitchen counter. He looked back at Spock and smiled before placing the kettle on the stove.

Spock rose to help him carry the tea back over, and was relieved that Jim brought a pack of cookies as well as honey for his tea. Spock made a mental note of everything Jim was eating so that he could put it in his notes. He would have to start more research on Jim to assess his health.

“Jim, I was wondering if you would give me consent to see your medical records.”

“Why?” Jim asked flatly, his mouth full of cookie.

“I believe it would assist me in my research to –“

“He just wants to know how you’re doing.” Sam explained.

Jim looked over at him and then back across the table at Spock. His eyes were dark again, and he placed his half-eaten cookie back on the table.

“No. I already have people looking at my records. I don’t need anymore.”

“But I believe with my experience, I can –“

“I said no, okay?” Jim snapped. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

He stood up and took shaking steps across the room, leaning heavily on the wall and table. He slammed the door closed behind him.

“I upset him.” Spock lowered his head. “I never upset him.”

“Like I said, emotional trauma.” Sam whispered.

Spock reached for his PADD and searched for any information he could on post traumatic stress disorder.

Spock was able to get Jim to eat soup later that evening when they watched a movie. Distractions in the form of enjoyable activities were said to help, so Spock let Jim pick the film. It turned out to be an animated movie.

Spock never enjoyed these as much as Jim did, so he used the time to observe. He watched Jim for any signs of anxiety, mistrust, or flashbacks. Jim did not seem to exhibit anything but a lowered body temperature and the occasional yawn.

“Okay, I’m going to bed.” Sam stood up. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“Whatever.” Jim mumbled sleepily.

“I’m just across the hall if you need anything, okay?” Sam went to the door.

“’Kay.” Jim yawned. “Just listen for any crying on the baby monitor.”

Sam ignored Jim’s retort and looked to Spock. Spock paused in making notes on Jim’s physical condition and looked up.

“Get me if he needs anything.” Sam whispered.

Spock nodded and Sam left, leaving them alone in the hotel room. Spock looked to the door that led to the bedroom. Jim was falling asleep. Perhaps it would be best for Spock to carry him in there now and tuck him in.

“Is this…alright?” Spock asked as he slipped his arms under Jim’s back and beneath his legs.

“Yeah.” Jim closed his eyes.

Spock recalled what his research had said about mistrust and felt illogically upset that Jim could possibly grow to mistrust him. Clinging to one specific person was another symptom, and Spock felt illogically hopeful for that one.

Spock opened the door and carried Jim in. Ko-elki padded in behind them and jumped up on the bed. She curled up at the foot of it as Spock laid Jim down carefully.

“Are you still cold?”

“No. Too many sweaters.” Jim mumbled, pulling one off over his head.

Spock went to help, and as the peeled off the top layer, Jim’s sweatshirt and t-shirt rose up over his stomach. Spock inhaled sharply at the sight of all of Jim’s bones beneath his skin like an x-ray. Jim quickly pulled his shirt back down and got under the blanket.

Spock got under the covers as well. He almost instinctively rolled over to cuddle with Jim before he realized he was now going to have to assess all of his actions, as he had before he and Jim had consummated their romance.

“Is this alright?” Spock whispered.

“Yeah, you’re really warm. It’s just that…” Jim’s voice trailed off as he shuffled a bit.

“What is it?”

“Can you turn the lamp on?”

Spock reached over and turned the light back on. It was not very bright, but now he could at least see Jim’s face. He looked at Jim, inquiring what the light was for. Instead of answering, Jim closed his eyes and snuggled up to Spock.

Spock instinctively put his arms around Jim. He could feel his boney shoulder blades through his shirt, but at least he was warming up. In just a few moments, Jim was asleep.

Spock closed his eyes, but found he could not fall asleep. It was not that the light was keeping him up. It was Jim.

His scent was still the same as it had always been –human and enticing. Spock tried to ignore it, as well as all other outside feelings, but he could not. He was too aware of Jim. His scent, his body pressed to his own, and the thought of how he’d longed to share a bed again.

He quickly turned away so that Jim’s arm slipped from Spock’s chest back onto the bed. That helped, at least. He could not believe such a primitive urge was making itself known tonight, when Jim was obviously not well enough for such a thing. He blamed his human half.

The following days, Spock tried to put his own selfish desires out of his mind and focus more on Jim. He kept his research up again, writing everything he observed about Jim as they ate breakfast, played chess, and watched movies.

_Subject Jim Kirk is eating small healthy meals in the morning. These consist of fruit, oatmeal, and wholegrain bread._

_Subject Jim Kirk eats unhealthy meals late at night. These consist of ice cream, cookies, potato chips, and soda._

Spock knew this was not good for him, but Sam told Spock not to say anything. Spock reluctantly agreed after he realized any comment he made might discourage Jim from eating at all. The fact that he was malnourished meant that maybe he did need more fat and sugar than the average person did. It was for this reason that Spock stayed silent as Jim drank another can of soda that afternoon.

“I feel like movies like this can have their plots resolved way faster if they just talk to each other.” Jim said, sipping his soda.

“I understand what you mean. Armies must have diplomacy before they resort to war.” Spock watched the screen as the soldiers in the film took out their primitive weapons and began firing.

The scenery exploded into flames and debris. Spock was just about to comment on how unrealistic this portrayal of war was, when he felt Jim begin shaking beside him.

“Jim? Are you alright?”

“C-Can we turn this off?” Jim squeezed his eyes shut.

“Yes.” Spock grabbed the remote and turned it to a random channel where an infomercial was playing.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Jim stood up and began taking wobbly steps over. Spock watched him carefully to make sure he did not fall.

When the door closed, Spock went to the window and looked out. The temperature was only moderately warm, and it looked very nice out.

“Would you like to take a walk?” Spock asked Jim when he returned.

“I don’t feel like walking.” Jim sat down in his wheelchair.

“I can push you.” Spock offered.

“I don’t want anyone staring at me.” Jim looked away.

“No one will stare at you, and if they do, it will not affect you.”

“I don’t think –“ Sam started, but Spock held up a hand to silence him.

“According to my research, you need sunlight and fresh air.” Spock continued. “I know a place where we can go where no one will stare at you.”

“Fine, but I’m lazy. You have to push me.” Jim managed a slight smile.

“Deal.”

Spock personally thought that Sam was coddling Jim too much by allowing him to eat and do whatever he wanted. His medicine was helping, but Spock knew there was no substitute for sunlight and fresh air.

He packed water and sunscreen before pushing Jim’s chair out into the hallway. Luckily, there was an elevator, so they didn’t have to worry about the stairs.

“Be back in an hour. You have a doctor’s appointment.” Sam called after them.

“Whatever.” Jim called back. “So, where is this secret place we’re going?”

“Close your eyes.” Spock said, looking down to make sure Jim obeyed.

Outside, Spock pushed Jim’s chair across the pavement parking lot and then onto the sidewalk. He wondered if Jim could tell from memory where they were going as he turned on the sidewalk and kept them going around towards the chain-link fence in the back.

Spock went around to open the gate before pushing Jim’s chair off of the sidewalk and across the grass into the park.

“Can I open my eyes? I think I know where we are.”

“You may.”

“This is where we first met.” Jim smiled as Spock pushed him over to the swings.

“It is.” Spock nodded. Jim stood from his chair and sat down on one of the swings.

“You were trying to climb up the slide.” Jim chuckled.

“I was. It seemed logical at the time.” Spock said.

He reached for the sunscreen and squirted some into his hands. He rubbed them together before crouching down in front of Jim. He slowly reached out and hesitantly cupped Jim’s face in his hands. He stroked his thumbs across Jim’s cheeks.

“You are very pale.” Spock whispered, feeling his heart beat faster.

“Then I’m glad you brought me out here.” Jim reached up and placed his hands over Spock’s. They were not as cold as they were before. Spock began to give into his desires.

He leaned forward and let his forehead fall against Jim’s, but a part of him still held back, waiting for Jim to make the next move. It was taking all of his control to hold back. His breath was coming out shaking as he realized they were practically breathing the same air.

Jim’s hands went around to the back of Spock’s neck, pulling his face down until their mouths touched. Spock closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the moment, though it only lasted a moment.

“I thought about you every day, you know.” Jim said, placing his hands on the chains of the swing. “Even before it all went…bad. I tried to meditate, like you showed me, but it’s hard. Whenever it gets too dark and quiet, I just kinda freak out.”

“I understand.” Spock sat on the other swing.

“No, you don’t.” Jim sighed. “You don’t understand. Neither does Sam, or my mom. She thinks she knows what’s best for me, though. It was her idea for me to live on the ship with her.”

“But what do _you_ want, Jim?”

“I don’t know.” Jim looked down at his feet lazily tracing in the dirt. “I don’t think I can stand to be alone right now. Maybe living on a ship with so many people is what I need.”

“You want to go away?”

“What about you?” Jim looked over. “You’re going away too. Didn’t you get into the Vulcan Nerd School?”

“I…” Spock couldn’t look at Jim’s face. He kept his eyes down, marveling at how now his feet could touch the ground underneath, when they couldn’t nine years ago. “I did not.”

“What?” Jim turned his whole body in the swing to look at him. “Are they crazy? How did you not get in? You’ve literally been studying for it since forever!”

“They told me that my skills are not fit for their school.”

“Fuck them.” He kicked his feet slightly, swinging slowly. “What are you going to do now?”

“There are other schools I could attend, I am sure.” Spock had not even checked his electronic mail for anything they sent him. With the knowledge that Jim would be leaving in just over twenty-four hours, school hardly seemed to matter anymore.

“Oh. Good.”

They fell silent, each of them thinking of the fate that was approaching. Spock was not sure what he would do while Jim was gone, other than try to find a way to keep in touch with him. The thought of the loneliness to come was almost too much for Spock.

“Do you want me to push you on the swing?” Spock decided to break the silence.

“Sure. You were always good at that.” Jim lifted his feet and Spock went to stand beside him. Jim actually laughed as Spock pushed him. For a moment, they were children again, and nothing else mattered. Only the alarm beeping on his wrist chronometer reminded him of their obligations.

“We must return to the room for your appointment.” Spock said, placing his hands on the chains to steady the swing.”

“Fine.” Jim sighed, standing from the swing and sitting in his chair. “But will you go to the store and get me a snack?”

“Yes. What would you like?” Spock began pushing Jim’s chair to the gate.

“Hmm…ice cream?”

“Alright. I will buy you ice cream, as well as some healthy food for later. I expect you to eat both.”

“Ha. You’re hilarious, Spock.”

 

After his appointment, Spock was silently pleased when the doctor mentioned it was good that Jim had gone outside. Spock knew that his research was right. It was just that now Spock wondered how Jim was supposed to get sunlight on the Akira. He knew there were supplements for that, but it would just not be the same.

Jim did not seem to want to talk about it. He just wanted to sit and eat his ice cream. Spock sat beside him, eating some of the carrots he’d bought.

“Is this alright to watch?” Spock asked, putting the television on the news.

“Sure.” Jim said, licking his spoon. Spock quickly glanced away before his mind could wander.

It grew late, and Sam went to his room across the hall. Spock was not tired, both because he did not need very much sleep, and because he did not want to the night to end. He could not think about the fact that he only had tonight left with Jim.

Spock suggested chess, and was pleased when Jim agreed. He was even more pleased when Jim found excuses to touch his hand. Spock knew he was losing the game, but he didn’t care. All he could think about was the kiss they had shared at the park.

“Are you even trying?” Jim chuckled.

“It seems you are just distracting me.” Spock said, brushing his fingers across Jim’s.

“You’re pretty distracting too, you know.” Jim pushed the board off of its spot on the couch between them and leaned over, wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck and kissed him.

Spock was surprised, but found himself closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Jim’s warm tongue pushing almost over-eagerly into his mouth. Jim climbed into Spock’s lap, and Spock was a tad shocked at how little Jim weighed.

He tried to push that thought away as he felt Jim’s cool hands push under his sweater and move across his chest. Their mouths broke apart, and Spock’s breath was shaking as his own hands moved to Jim’s hips. His fingers slipped under the fabric of his pants and he was met with the shockingly sharp bones of Jim’s hips.

“Spock? You okay?” Jim breathed into his ear.

“Yes.” Spock said, though he wasn’t sure.

“Good, because I know how I want to spend our last night together.” Jim said, bringing his mouth down to Spock’s neck.

Spock closed his eyes again and tried to enjoy Jim grinding on his lap and touching his chest. His body was certainly responding to the stimuli, but as he pushed his hands further up Jim’s body under his clothes, he could only think of how easy it was to count his ribs.

He wanted to wrap his arms around Jim and pull him closer, but he was afraid he might accidentally break him. The thought may have been illogical, but it was not without reason. Jim’s arms, which had once been quite muscular, making Spock swoon, were now thin.

“A-Are you sure this is what you want?” Spock asked, fighting his body’s reaction long enough to assess the situation.

“Of course it is!” Jim tugged his shirt off over his head and let it fall to the floor. Months ago, the sight before him would have been perfect for Spock, now it was quite alarming. Spock tried to show nothing on his face as he mentally reminded himself that at least Jim was on steady medication to help him regain his health. “I want you…I want you to make love to me.”

“You do?” Spock began to feel growing nervousness as he questioned his ability to perform with the concern he had for Jim’s health.

“Yes. Please…I just want to feel normal again! I just want everything to be like it was before!” Jim gripped the front of Spock’s sweater. “Don’t you want me?”

Spock looked at him, deep into those blue eyes he’d loved since the second he saw them. He loved Jim more than anything in existence, though his Vulcan-ness prevented from saying that aloud just yet.

He leaned forward, pressing kisses against the side of Jim’s neck. Jim sighed, immediately relaxing as Spock kissed him and touched him. Spock’s fingers brushed over Jim’s skin, before touching his ribs. The shock of how prominent they were made Spock withdraw his hand with a gasp.

“What’s wrong?” Jim asked, pulling back from Spock to look him in the eyes.

“N-Nothing.” Spock lied.

“Yes there is.” Jim climbed backwards off of Spock’s lap and onto the other side of the couch again. “God, I knew this would happen! You think I’m disgusting, don’t you!?”

“No.” Spock reached out to touch Jim’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Jim stood up, holding his wadded shirt up to cover his chest. “Just admit you can’t stand to touch me instead of just doing it for my sake. You think I don’t know what I look like!?”

He pulled his shirt back on. Spock stood up and tried to approach him, but Jim just turned away, wrapping his arms around himself.

“You think I can’t see what it did to me? You think I don’t realize what’s changed? I know I look disgusting.” His voice broke. “I guess I just didn’t realize you’d think of me that way too.”

“Listen to me.” Spock reached out and placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You do not disgust me. I am simply worried for your health.”

“Worried?” Jim turned to face him, Spock’s hand slipping off his shoulder. “You don’t understand shit about being worried. Not until you’re shuffled to class day after day, knowing you’re not gonna get dinner that night. Not until pass by the freshman’s common room and hear the sounds of a bunch of fourteen year olds crying from hunger.”

Jim shook slightly. Spock longed to approach him and hold him, but Jim went on, walking slowly away from Spock.

“Worried is how we all felt, knowing we couldn’t run away, because it was just as bad everywhere else on the planet. Worried…is how I felt when the day finally arrived that Kodos was going to have his press conference at the school. At first, I thought all our problems were over, but then Kodos marched in with his group of soldiers, and locked the doors –“

“I –“ Spock couldn’t stand to hear any more of it, but he knew he had to. He approached Jim and placed both his hands on his shoulders. “I was not there. I cannot understand what you went through, but I _want_ to. I want to understand.”

“No, you don’t.” Jim began to turn away, but Spock slowly moved his hands up to touch the sides of his head.

“Yes, I do. Show me.”

“No! Are you crazy!?” Jim pushed his hands away. “You don’t wanna see this.”

“Yes, I do.” Spock repeated. “If understanding your pain will lessen it by even a fraction, then I will do it. I want to see what you went through. Please.”

Jim said nothing. He just stared down at the floor in contemplation, his arms wrapped around himself once more. Spock approached him again and gently cupped his face. Jim didn’t meet his gaze, but he didn’t pull away either. Spock let his thumbs brush over Jim’s cheeks, and he finally sighed in compliance.

“Fine. I’ll meld with you. I’ll show you everything.” Jim’s hands went to cover Spock’s. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

Spock and Jim sat cross-legged across from each other on the couch. Spock was growing strangely nervous at what was to come, but he knew this was what he wanted. He held Jim’s hands in his, letting his fingers trace over the back of Jim’s hands.

“I am going to lower my telepathic shields so that I can feel everything.” Spock said. He closed his eyes and let the walls come down. He could immediately feel Jim’s anxiety at the situation.

“Last chance to back out.” Jim said with a nervous smile.

Spock wordlessly leaned forward, letting his hands gently cup Jim’s face. He stroked his thumbs across Jim’s cheeks as he leaned in to kiss him. As their lips melded, Spock’s hands went up to Jim’s psi points.

“ _My mind to your mind…”_ Spock thought. He felt Jim begin to tremble. “ _My thoughts to your thoughts.”_

 

Fire. The smell of smoke. Optimism at the fact that the diseased plants were being burned for a new growth. Panic. Realization that the smoke wasn’t coming from the fields, but from the colony.

Guilt. Realizing he’s the only one who knows just how far it’s all going.

Jim tried to fight the pain of his hunger, but it seemed to fill his whole body as he stepped back from the window. There were screams and cries outside. Jim dashed to the hallway. Outside, students all dressed in the same uniform held each other down scratched each other’s faces. Blood. Broken bones. Fighting over a bag of cereal.

It was ripped from them by another pair of hands. It tore and spilled onto the dirty carpet. Jim did not drop to his knees like the other boys, only because he did not want to get scratched.

Yelling. Booming voices of the teacher coming down the hallway. They had to work on homework until five o’clock. Was dinner at five o’clock, Jim asks.

Pain. Stinging pain as the teacher slaps his face. Don’t talk back. Do your homework and maybe you’ll find out. Gasps as someone grabs him around the ankle.

Give me your food or die.

Jim doesn’t have any food, but he can’t bear to kick someone, not when they’re all so weak. Gasps again as the kid bites his leg. This time Jim does kick him in the face.

Locking the door to the dorm room. Wondering if Kevin is still alive. He was taken away for being ill. Jim knows he wasn’t the only one. Half the floor has been taken away. Just this morning, the kid across the hall collapsed in study hall.

Jim thinks he might be next. He can’t do his homework. He doesn’t have the energy to cy. He lays on his bed and tries not to think. If he thinks too hard, he might think about Spock.

More yelling. He’s woken up and told to go auditorium. Hurry up and get dressed. He fumbles to tie his tie, glancing at Kevin’s empty bed and feeling too hungry to even sympathize.

Hand over your PADDs, computer, and phones. No one is allowed to record or take pictures of the governor. Jim hides his cell phone under his mattress and hands his PADD over to the teacher as he passes him in the hallway.

Packed bodies in the auditorium. The heat is overwhelming. Jim tugs his tie loose and tries to take off his blazer. Sit still! Shut up! Who’s crying? Shut up! The governor is an honored guest!

With soldiers flanking his sides, Kodos takes the stage. His face is burned perfectly in Jim’s memory. Kodos smiles. Jim feels cold. Kodos goes on about the problem, about how his loves this planet and the people on it.

I’m hungry! Someone shouts. Several people agree. Jim is one of them. Kodos smiles again. Someone coughs loudly. Jim starts booing Kodos. The person beside him snickers.

There is enough food for four thousand citizens, Kodos starts. Jim’s heart soars. There are approximately four hundred students. That’s more than enough. He tunes back in. Kodos is still smiling.

The citizens are important. The citizens must be fed. The citizens must survive.

You all are not citizens.

The doors locking. The kid who was laughing is now crying. Jim boos again. People throw their textbooks and bags. The soldiers fire into the air.

Jim and a few others make it to the doors. They’re locked. The window shows soldiers on the other side. They cock their weapons.

Line up against the wall. Jim does so, shielding the youngest of the students. The soldiers walk by, picking out random students to poke and prod.

Who is the weakest? They should die first.

Who is the strongest? They should die second.

Jim closes his eyes and thinks of himself. Is he weak? He feels weak. Is he strong? Maybe he once was.

There are yells as each soldier grabs a students and pulls them into the center. Guns to the back of their heads. Jim opens his eyes just in time to see them fire. Blood. Brains. He’d puke if he could.

Jim thinks of the phone under his mattress he can’t get to. Jim thinks of Spock. Maybe he can reach out to him. He closes his eyes and reaches for their link.

Sorry it’s so messy, Kodos says. Really wish there was an easier way. He smiles.

Jim shakes.

Next round.

Blood.

Someone collapses. The soldiers shoot their unconscious body.

They grab more students. Blood. Sobbing.

Jim is knocked forward when the bolted doors are forced open. Phasers cleanly cut through the hinges.

Brightness.

Bright gold and red and blue. Uniforms of Starfleet.

Someone in command gold fires at Kodos. Someone in red takes down the nearest solider.

A woman in blue crouches down by Jim, her hand on the small of his back.

She speaks kindly, but his ears are ringing too loudly to hear her. She helps him to his feet and leads him out the exit doors on the other side.

The courtyard slowly fills with officers and students. Someone puts a blanket around his soldiers. Someone puts a cup and bread in his hand. Someone asks his name. He can’t stop shaking.

The pain is too much. The pain grows stronger.

His head hurts so bad. It feels like it’s splitting open.

Spock pulled back, feeling the ripping pain in his mind as he tore away from the meld. He squeezed his eyes shut, the pain not subsiding.

Spock fell back off the couch. His whole body thudding hard onto the floor. His recent car-hitting injury acted up when his hip hit the floor.

“I knew you couldn’t handle it.” Jim said.

“…Jim.” Spock’s head throbbed as he struggled to open his eyes.

“Now you know how I feel.” Jim stood up and started towards the bedroom. “Only I couldn’t just pull away from it all.”

Spock curled in on himself, letting his body adjust and realize he was not in starving pain anymore. That was just a memory. He now had it forever in his mind as if he’d been there, but meld-shared memories were still nothing like the real experience.

Spock knew Jim held guilt over not telling Spock what was happening, but Spock knew Jim had been right to do so. He could not handle it.

While Spock worried about his final exam grades, Jim was watching children die.

The bedroom door closed in the distance, but Spock still couldn’t move.

When the pain finally subsided, Spock was only left with a sharp pain in his mind from having pulled away from the meld. Only time healed those injuries, and Spock paid it no mind as he picked himself up from the floor and started towards the bedroom.

Spock opened the door a tad and peered inside. The lamp was on, casting a slightly orange glow on the room. Jim laid in a curled ball in the bed, sleeping.

“Jim…” Spock’s throat was hoarse.

“No…” Jim mumbled. Spock turned back to leave him be, when he heard the soft crying. “No…get away…it hurts.”

“Jim…” Spock approached the bed and sat down beside him.

Spock had never truly understood Jim’s pain until now. Textbook definitions of posttraumatic stress and a decent understanding of medicine could never have prepared Spock for what he saw in Jim’s mind, and perhaps he hurt him more than just physically when he pulled away from the meld.

He laid down and turned to face Jim’s back. The fade between sleep and wake that Jim was experiencing was likely full of the same memories that had resurfaced during the meld. Spock was unsure if he would ever sleep soundly again either.

Taking a deep breath and focusing his telepathic energy, Spock pushed his hand up under Jim’s shirt and placed it against his back in between his shoulder blades. The tips of his fingers rested against the psi points of his neck.

“I am so sorry, ashayam.” Spock whispered, letting his abilities work into Jim’s body. It took tremendous energy, and Spock felt his body draining. “Sleep soundly. Feel nothing. Everything will change tomorrow.”

Spock wrapped his arm around Jim as he felt the human finally fall into a deep sleep. It was true that things would change tomorrow. Jim was leaving Spock alone again, but Spock could not think about that. It was not about him. Jim needed it, and that was all that mattered.

Ko-elki padded into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. She settled into a ball in the crook of Spock’s knees, and Spock closed his eyes. Her gentle purring and Jim’s deep breathing coupled with Spock’s exhaustion put him right to sleep.

 

Spock would go back to the room and fetch his own bags sometime that night. He had not looked into return shuttles to Vulcan before he came to Earth. He was not even sure he wanted to return yet. All he wanted to do was focus on Jim.

Jim was well enough to walk from his chair by the next afternoon. His extraction point to the Akira was located on the beach. His mother would be meeting him there and taking him back onto the ship.

Jim and Spock were spending the time until then walking along the shore.

The sun was bleeding red against the horizon. The color spilled onto the soft blue waves. Spock did not ask Jim if he wanted to swim. He did not ask if he wanted to take his shoes off or even just sit down.

There was a tangible wall between them. Spock tried to push past it, but Jim had barely spoken to him all day. Not even when he woke up in Spock’s arms. If Sam noticed it, he hadn’t said anything about it.

Spock looked back to see their line of footprints miles back. Sam was a speck in the distance as he watched them from the boardwalk.

Ko-elki walked behind them, occasionally stopping to crouch and hunt crabs. Spock picked up a seashell and brushed off some of the sand before pocketing it.

“Jim, please say something to me.” Spock said, his voice slightly hinting his desperation.

“I’m gonna miss this place.” Jim wrapped his arms around himself, shivering slightly in the ocean wind.

“As will I.” Spock said with a nod. “Perhaps I will stay here on Earth a bit longer. School does not seem as important as it once was. Perspective changes priorities, does it not?”

“Hmm.” Jim stopped, keeping his eyes down.

“How is your head?” Spock asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

“Hmm…” Jim shrugged one shoulder. “Whatever. Fine, I guess. How’s yours?”

“Fine. Jim, I am sorry –“

“Don’t.” Jim held up one hand. “Just…don’t. I get it. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into melding with you. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“But I want to –“

“I know.” Jim sighed. “But I don’t want you to. Anymore. Ever…again. You shouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“I will always worry about you.”

“Listen,” Jim said after sighing audibly. “This…is too much. All of it. I’m so tired. I’m tired of having to think of you all the time.”

“What do you mean?” Spock narrowed his eyes, as his heart began to beat faster.

“Everything is always us.” Jim sighed again. “When I get a break from school, I go see you. When I have news, I tell you. It’s the same for you. How many times a day do you think about me?”

Jim looked at him now, and Spock was taken aback as he looked into those blue eyes and contemplated his answer. Despite thinking, he mentally noted the fact that Jim’s complexion was getting better. That actually gave him his answer.

“I am always thinking of you.” Spock said simply.

“That’s the point.” Jim sighed again. “It’s just too much. When I’m gone. You should just forget about me for a while. Do something _you_ wanna do for a change.”

“Please clarify what you are saying.” Spock tilted his head, feeling his heart racing still.

“We should break up!” Jim said firmly. “It’s just…easier this way. I can’t think about you anymore, and I’m sure you’re sick of thinking about me.”

“No…never.” Spock felt like the bottom of his stomach was dropping out. He pushed away this feeling in favor of logic. “I have thought of you every day since the day I met you. It is what I know, and I do not want anything else.”

“But you need to move on!” Jim’s voice broke. “I’m not going to be around anymore. There’s always something separating us. Always. It’s just easier this way, if we make it a clean break.”

“I will wait for –“

“No!” Jim turned on him. “Don’t you get what I’m saying? I don’t want to hear any excuses or logical reasons or whatever.”

“I suppose that I…do _not_ understand what you are saying.” It took every fiber of Spock’s being to keep his voice even. His hands clenched so hard behind his back that he felt his nails dig into his palm.

“It’s just easier this way.” Jim repeated. He quickly swiped at the tears in his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve before Spock could truly see them. “We need to break up. I’m too messed up for you right now.”

“What…” Spock closed his eyes for a moment, holding back all feeling. “What about the promise? You are breaking it?”

“What are you talking about?” Jim shivered and wiped his eyes again.

“The promise we made to love each other forever.” Spock could still recount every detail.  “We promised one another we would be together for as long as –“

“Oh, grow up, Spock!” Jim turned on him again. “Did you honestly think any of that was real!? We were stupid kids! We had no idea what the real world was about!”

“I still believe –“

“Well, then you need to get over it! It’s over! Spock, it’s over!” Jim took shaking breaths, his body threatening to burst into the sobs he held inside. He pressed the oversized sleeves of his sweater to his face. “Just…get over me.”

“You cannot do this.” Spock tried to breathe without breaking into the same sort of sobs, but it was not possible. His body began to shake and he felt tears welling in his eyes for what was like the first time in his life. “Jim, please do not do this.”

“Maybe one day, you’ll realize this was for the best.” Jim began walking down the beach again.

Spock felt too frozen to follow, until he spotted a figure up ahead; the silhouette of Winona Kirk, having come to fetch her son.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was hushed in pain, the sound swallowed in the crashing of the ocean waves.

“You’ll move on, I know you will.” Jim kept walking.

Spock struggled to stay upright. His control in holding back his tears faltered, and he felt his own oceans spill out over his face.

He broke just enough to reach for Jim, feeling his fingers close over his arm, before Jim pulled off and kept walking.

“I’m –I’m sorry. It’s just easier this way.” Jim’s voice quiet, barely carried back by the wind.

The far end of the beach was shrouded in mist. Jim met up with the silhouette in the distance, and in one energizing instant, they were gone. Jim did not even look back at him.

The tide crashed dangerously close to him as Spock crumbled. His hands and knees sunk into the wet sand. His face pressed to the sleeves of his robes, muffling his sobs.

The sounds were masked by the crashing waves. This time, the tide did come in and lap over his shoes and soak the hem of his robes.

Spock did not care. He had never understood the human term heartbreak until now. He did not know how he could go on. He could not breath. He could not move. His heart was shattered into pieces.

Ko-elki caught up to him, pressing her dry flank against his side and purring loudly in an attempt to console him. Spock’s eyes hurt from the tears he cried.

He did not know how long he sat there, crouched in on himself sobbing, until he was finally empty.

He sat up and Ko-elki got in his lap. Spock wiped at his eyes, feeling wet sand stick to his face. His breaths still shook his body.

He’d never felt more alien. Less human. Less complete. He was without half of himself.

Everything that they shared did not matter to Jim anymore. They would never share anything ever again.

In a flash, Spock thought of playing in the snow, sleeping under the stars, playing music, playing chess, and sharing their breath and bodies under the blankets at night.

If he had known their last kiss would have been their last, he would have held on longer. He would have held on forever.

He was crumbled and dirty and broken, as he sat on the Terran shore. The sun disappeared completely, shrouding him in darkness.

Yet, in a moment of horrible clarity, he was not sad for himself. All he could think about was Jim, and wonder how Jim was going to sleep soundly without Spock there with him.

He closed his eyes and blocked out the sound of the waves to reach for their mental length. Another sob was suppressed when he felt nothing. Silence.

He just did not know whether that silence was from being blocked out, or from his own mental exhaustion.

Ko-elki kneaded her paws into his stomach. Her claws poked like needles into his skin, but that was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

The tide came in again, soaking them both. Spock finally stood up, and Ko-elki crawled to sit on his shoulder. He did not know where to go. He had no future on Vulcan, and nothing here to live for.

There was nothing. On both planets, there was just sand. Dirty and formless sand.

In remembrance of sand, he glanced back, almost in painful self-torture and saw that now their footprints were gone. It was like they were never even there in the first place.

There was nothing.

**To Be Continued…**

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :////////
> 
> everything in this chapter was PRE-PLANNED so this was not just me being mean for no reason, okay? i cried too while writing it.
> 
> see you guys next time. please scream at me in the comments or on tumblr @frappuccinio.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all. 
> 
> this chapter took slightly longer to write than usual bc i tried to deviate from my outline and then i realized the outline was better so i had to scrap a few thousand words and go back but whatever it ended up going exactly how i wanted in the first place which was the point of the outline anyways lol.
> 
> also this isn't as long as other chapters bc there was really no need for it to be and i didn't wanna add like 20k words of filler for no reason.

**PART TWO.**

 

The warm Vulcan breeze billowed Spock’s robes and ruffled his hair. He reached up and tucked a long strand of it behind his ear and pushed back the hood of his cloak. Spock could see the faint light of stars beginning to show in the sky. If it was already falling into night, then it seemed he was behind schedule in his journey.

Up ahead, Ko-elki padded through the sand, climbing onto rocks and hopping between them. Even with a bobbed tail, her balance was perfect. She looked back at him and twitched her whiskers as if to tell him to hurry up.

“Are you tired or thirsty?” Spock asked her, catching up slowly, pacing himself in the heat. “I still have water.”

She leapt down from the rocks along the path and padded back over. She looped her body around his ankles as he reached into his bag for his water bottle. He filled the cap and placed it down on the ground for her before slowly sipping the cool liquid.

“If we rest now, then we will reach the temple by noon tomorrow.” Spock told her. She stared at him, her blue eyes unwavering. “Or, we could keep going and be there by midnight.”

Spock was not bothered either way, so he decided to keep going. Besides, Romar’s daughter was expecting him sooner rather than later.

As they walked through the desert path on the outskirts of Vulcan, Spock kept his eyes and ears open for any danger. Usually travelers on this way brought their sehlats with them to deter le-matya’s from attacking, but since I-Chaya passed in his sleep several months ago, Spock was armed only with Ko-elki.

“You are much too small to fight a le-matya.” Spock told her as they walked along the path. “So, if you see one, I want you to run and hide.”

She flexed her claws and yawned in his direction, baring her fangs. Spock managed a slight smile at her bravery.

After a while, it grew so dark, that Spock was relying solely on the direction of the stars to guide his path. Despite her better night vision, Ko-elki climbed onto his shoulder to rest while he walked. She began grooming his hair from behind, causing the longer locks to fall over his ears again.

Spock had struggled for the past few months to know whether or not traveling to the temple for Kolinahr was the best path for him, but the past few weeks had made him sure.

In the past sixteen months since returning to Vulcan from Earth, Spock’s heart had not mended from the break of Jim leaving him. He still felt the pain every day, like a wound that would never heal.

Everything would make him think of Jim, and then he would cry. He tried to suppress it, and he did for the first few weeks of being home. He only broke down when he was cleaning the guest room one day and found one of Jim’s socks crammed in the very back of the dresser. It had likely been there for years, but that did not stop the tears.

He was lucky it was his mother that found him crying, and not his father. Sarek had expressed his grief for Spock’s failed bond, but he did not seem to truly understand Spock’s pain the way Amanda did. She let his head lay in her lap as he cried and she’d stroked his hair.

“I know it hurts, baby.” She said, tears in the corners of her own eyes. “I know you loved him.”

Spock’s choice to abstain from school or work in favor of wallowing in his depression was not as easily understood. He finally took a job doing secretary work at the embassy just to keep his parents happy. Yet, still, as he watched T’Pring excel to the point of a student-teacher position at the Science Academy, he began to feel as if his own life was pointless and stagnant in comparison.

He could not even muster the energy to eat healthy, or up keep with his physical appearance. The fact that he had not cut his hair in all that time showed that. He fell behind on his work, and was told not to return to his position at the embassy.

Spock knew his father would find out he’d been fired, yet Spock found he did not care. No work meant he had more time to sleep. If he slept, it did not matter that he was hungry or unclean. In his dreams, Jim was still with him.

He wondered about Jim every day. He reached out via meditation, but either Jim was pushing him out, or Spock’s own depression was causing a block in their link. Either way, Spock had not had any contact with Jim since that day on the beach.

He knew his family was worried about him. As the day of his sister’s bonding ceremony approached, Spock tried to convince them that he was alright. He wanted all of their attention on Sanara for her sake, and for his own.

He bathed and tied back his hair in order to accompany her to her ceremony. He tried to act happy for her. It was tradition that he be front row when Sarek presented her to the elders for the bonding, and that was the only reason he tried to smile. If he were hiding in the back like he wanted, he could slip up and show jealously.

He knew it was disgusting to be jealous of his sister. He should be happy that she finally found someone. Yet, as she watched Sanara crouch down across from Asil and take the other girl’s hands, Spock felt slightly jealous that he did not have that anymore.

That was the final straw in his own mind. He had to do something to take the pain away. That evening when he was home alone with Romar, as his parents took Sanara and Asil out for a supervised date, Spock sought out their elderly housekeeper.

“Is it true that your daughter has completed Kolinahr?” Spock asked when he found Romar folding laundry.

“Yes.” Romar nodding. “You are asking because you are interested in it as well? You believe this well help your current emotional and mental state?”

“Yes.” Spock admitted, wondering now if it were a foolish thought.

“Well, perhaps it can. It was how T’Aria was able to overcome her own depression after the loss of her sister. If you are truly interested, then you should go to the temple in Gol where she lives and speak with her.”

“I know its location. It is not far.” Spock said to himself as he began to help with the laundry.

“No, it is not.” Romar shook his head. “But you must go on foot across the desert. It is part of the training. But it is also dangerous, and you should bring protection.”

Just then, Ko-elki strode in and hopped into the laundry basket, curling up and getting her fur on all of the clothes. For the first time in months, Spock managed a slight smile.

“I shall.”

His parents asked him dozens of times each if he was sure this was the right path for him. He just nodded, unable to voice his stronger thoughts. Finally, they stood by the front door, nearly blocking his path as he tried to leave.

“Spock,” Amanda’s voice wavered with emotion. “Are you _sure?”_

“I have to do this.” He said, looking between them. “I cannot live with this pain anymore.”

 

As it grew even darker, Spock found himself wishing he could stop and rest. So much walking after so many months of not being active was hard on his body. His legs hurt and he felt a cramp forming in his side.

“Mmrp.” Ko-elki mewed and stood up on his shoulders, pointing her nose ahead. Spock narrowed his eyes before following her gaze. He could see the large dome-shaped building in the distance.

“The temple.” Spock sighed in relief. “We can keep going.”

Ko-elki jumped down from his shoulder and kept walking beside him. She dashed ahead as Spock finally approached the wide stone steps of the temple. She climbed the dozens of steps as Spock followed.

A Vulcan woman was standing by the entrance. Spock had never seen such a stern-looking Vulcan in his life. She wore dark robes and her hair was cut short. She looked at him and approached.

“Spock. My father said to expect you by evening.”

“I apologize for my tardiness.” Spock tried to catch his breath once at the top of the stairs.

“Did you face danger on your journey?”

“No.” Spock looked down at Ko-elki. “My pet made sure of that.”

She looked down at the cat. Spock expected a look of disapproval, but there was nothing on her face. It was slightly unnerving.

“Come inside. The students are asleep, so you must be quiet.” She lead him inside the temple. Spock reached down and scooped up Ko-elki. She was now too big to ride in his pocket, so he just held her close.

“Are all of the students here studying Kolinahr?” Spock asked in a whisper as he looked around the room. He knew this temple was older than the city nearby. It was quite fascinating.

“No.” She led him through the lobby into a hallway. They passed many identical rooms, and Spock wondered if that’s where all the students were sleeping. “I only have one other Kolinahr student here. The rest are studying under Father Sitok.”

“Father?” It took Spock a moment to recall that those that lead temples in the religion of the Vulcan Gods were referred to as Father, even by those who were not their children.

“Yes. His students are studying to become priests themselves. The deep meditation of Kolinahr is an important step in that. For that reason, I have agreed to live here and train my student here. It is also closer to the city where my parents live. They are very old, and need me close in case something happens.”

Spock wondered what it was like –having to take care of elderly parents when you felt nothing. Did this mean she was not sad to see their health decline? Did this mean she no longer felt happiness when with them? He had many burning questions about the entire thing.

She seemed to sense this, and held out her arm to keep him silent. They then reached the end of the corridor, where she opened the door to the very last room.

“You may stay in here. The students meditate every morning at five. Breakfast is served at six. Dinner is served again at six that evening, and followed by meditation. You may sleep in from your journey tomorrow and explore the temple. Find me after dinner and we will begin with your training.”

“Thank you, T’Aria.” Spock nodded at her and she went back down the long hallway.

Spock stepped inside the tiny room. Instead of a bed, there was a flat sleeping mat on the floor. There was also a small table with one drawer in it, and an empty flower vase on the top.

Spock took off his cloak and hung it on the hook on the back of the door. He then unpacked his single bag. His small stack of clothes fit in the drawer, and in the bottom of his bag was his PADD. As he looked around, he realized there were no outlets to plug it into.

Did those who lived here reject modern technology?

Spock shrugged and put it back in his bag. It wasn’t as if he needed to return messages anyways. His parents wouldn’t have any news, and T’Pring was much too busy with school.

He went into the bathroom and washed his face in the old-style basin sink. The water turned dusty red from all the sand that had blown into his hair on the journey. He sighed and combed it as neatly as he could. He really should cut it. Maybe soon he would have the energy to do so.

Or his emotions would be gone and he wouldn’t care what he looked like.

He changed into his pajama robes and laid down on the mat with a thin blanket over his body. Ko-elki pressed against him in a tight ball and fell asleep. Spock laid awake for a while, looking around at the faint shadows made from the starlight outside.

To feel nothing…he could not fathom it.

But he had to. Every second without Jim was pain. Every breath and thought aggravated the pain, as if he had a sword stabbed through his side, with the heavy hilt weighing him down. He could not go on like this.

Yet, he still wondered how Jim’s pain compared. Was he eating? Was he doing his school work? No… no, he’d be done with high school now, wouldn’t he?

Was he still bothered by what happened to him?

Maybe Spock should find Jim and show him Kolinahr instead. The idea of being with Jim again, but an unfeeling emotionless Jim, was scary to him. But it was a thought.

He reached for his bag on the floor an got his PADD. It was almost dead, but he used the last bit of power to find the last messages he’d sent to Jim’s PADD.

  * _Jim, is this still your number? I simply wish to speak with you._
  * Please. 
  * _I miss you more than I can articulate._



There had been no response to the messages, now almost a year old, and Spock had just told himself that Jim got a new number. After all, his PADD and other belongings had been left on Tarsus. Maybe he never got them back. But still…even with a new number…didn’t he remember Spock’s number?

Didn’t he wonder how Spock was?

Didn’t he care?

Spock sighed and rolled over, closing his eyes. He couldn’t think like that. It would only make him sad. He could not cry while undergoing Kolinahr. How illogical.

He fell asleep holding back tears. Only Ko-elki’s purring was able to lull him to sleep.

Despite his exhaustion, Spock woke up at breakfast time. He left Ko-elki to sleep in as he changed robes and went to go eat with the others.

The dining room was down at the other end of the hallway. He walked in to see Vulcans all in bright white robes sitting on the floor around low tables, eating porridge and sipping tea. Spock briefly wondered why they were so against comfortable places to sleep and sit as he approached the large pot on a burner.

“Welcome.” The Vulcan serving breakfast looked to be a few years younger than Spock. “I heard you arrived late last night. Did the Gods bless your journey?”

“They did.” Spock knew that was his way of asking if he’d been safe.

“I am pleased to hear it.” He handed Spock a tray with a bowl of porridge on it. “I hope you find peace in your stay here. Tresu T’Aria is very wise, and perhaps if you feel so inclined, you are welcome to sit in on Father’s sermons as well.”

“Thank you.” Spock nodded, though he knew he did not want to sit in on a sermon.

“May the Gods bless your day.” He held up the ta’al.

“And yours.” Spock returned the gesture and took his tray to an empty table.

He sat on the tiny mat and sipped his tea as he studied the other Vulcans in the room. None of them were using technology, and Spock wondered how they could eat without reading something fascinating. He was already missing his PADD.

After breakfast, the other Vulcans went to listen to the sermon. Spock stayed behind and helped clean the kitchen before taking the time to explore.

The whole temple was very old, and Spock found artifacts in every room. Some were shrines to the Gods, and others held very old scrolls written by important Vulcans in religious history. Spock unrolled one and tried to decipher the loopy calligraphy of the old language, but he could not.

He then explored the garden. Located in top of the glass dome, it was a place with perfectly controlled weather, much like modern greenhouses. It was the only modern thing Spock had seen here.  
It seemed to be only full of crops for food, until Spock spotted a plant of purple flowers.

They were just very nice to look at. Without thinking much of it, Spock picked a few and took them back to his room for decoration. As he arranged them in the vase in his room, he realized he was feeling content for the first time in a while.

He spent the rest of the day meditating until dinner. After a meal of vegetables, Spock was looking for T’Aria, when he passed the main room in the temple. From within, he could hear a man’s booming voice.

“When the Gods blessed us with this planet, it was Their intention that we do not harm it. We must preserve Their creation of life on Vulcan.”

“Logical!” The voices of the Vulcans replied. Spock nodded from his spot outside the door.

“And when the Gods gave us these flesh bodies, it was Their intention that we not fall into the traps of these forms. To harm another’s flesh is a sin.”

“Logical!”

“To crave another’s flesh outside of Pon Farr is a sin.”

“Logical!”

Spock was very unsure if he believed that last statement, but he did not go in and interrupt the sermon. He was oddly fascinated by it. He was not raised religious, so he had no idea what many of the teachings entailed.

Only when he feared he’d be late to find T’Aria, did he move along. Still, after having heard some of that, he felt oddly serene and peaceful.

“Spock, there you are.” T’Aria was in her study when he found her. “I believe it is time we begin your training.”

“Yes.” Spock stepped inside. He went to close the door behind him, but she turned towards him.

“Let us go to the garden. The best meditations and melds are done there.”

Spock followed her back out and up the spiral stairs that led to the domed garden. Inside, Spock felt at peace again as he observed the many plants and felt the soft sand under his feet.  

“Let us meditate.” She brought him to the center of the garden. Spock sat across from her and looked towards the small ornate fountain statue. He hoped its splash would not be distracting

“Trensu,” He started, and she opened her eyes.

“Yes.” She said. “I suppose any and all apprehensions you have should be voiced now.”

“You will be honest with me?”

“That is all I can be.” She said.

Usually, when speaking to other Vulcans, Spock thought them all masters of concealing their emotions. Only after knowing them for a while, was he able to tell when they were showing amusement or sadness. These signs were subtle, but there. Looking at her, Spock could see the resemblance to her father, but nothing that showed him he would ever be able to see her true emotions, because she had none.

It was almost unsettling to be around.

“What do you think when you visit your parents? Do you never feel happiness with them?”

“I feel nothing.” She said. “Logically, I am content in knowing they are prospering and are still able to take care of themselves. Just as I would do what is logical when the time comes that they need help. There is no feeling there.”

Never feeling the swell of happiness when his father expressed his pride in him? Never feeling the contentment of  knitting with his mother or the subtle smugness of winning chess against his sister? It was odd.

“Never feeling…” He muttered to himself.

“You will not get there very soon.” She said. “It will take years for you to reach that point. In that time you will make you peace with it, _if_ this is truly the path you desire.”

“My pain –“ He started, then remembered Jim’s pain. “Could…a human undergo Kolinahr?”

“No human has ever tried. You are asking because you worry your human heritage will affect your ability?”

“No… I…” He shook his head. “Nothing.”

He could never convince Jim anyways. He did not even know where Jim was. He sighed and attempted to clear his mind as they both closed their eyes and meditated.

Spock was only aware of the soft sand, heavy scent of plants, and the sound of trickling waters. He was then aware of nothing but his own dull grey headspace where he once prospered.

He was not sure how long they meditated. It grew darker in the garden as the sun sank down beyond the horizon, leaving them only in starlight.

“Now,” T’Aria’s voice was relaxing as it gently pulled him from his inner peace. “I will meld with you to assess your mental state.”

 Spock’s anxiety was practically non-existent after such good meditation. She rose from the ground and went to the fountain. She pushed up the sleeves of her robe and dunked her hands under the water. She washed them for a moment then came back over, trailing water behind her.

Spock closed his eyes as her wet hands touched the sides of his face. The water and her skin were both warm, and Spock felt the water conducting her telepathic abilities. He already felt the hum of her mind and his own mind scrabbled to be ready.

“My mind to your mind.” She was emotionless. “My thoughts to your thoughts.”

 

Jim sneezed as he led Spock through the fields. Spock knew it was from the pollen and reached up with his free hand to touch his own crown, which was slowly falling apart.

“Perhaps we should take these off?”

“No way.” Jim said, pulling Spock into the clearing and sitting down. “They look cool. Besides, it took forever to find all the flowers for them.”

“True.” Spock did like the flowers very much.

Jim took both of Spock’s hands in his and Spock blushed at how warm they were. Then it was time for vows. Spock was relying on Jim to tell him what to do. The things in a Vulcan betrothal ceremony were quite different and not nearly as exciting.

“I promise to only love Spock for the rest of my life. In sickness and in health until death.” Jim opened his eyes and smiled. “Now your turn.”

Love. That was such a strong word. It was never used on Vulcan, and Spock found he could not stop blushing. He closed his eyes, his heart pounding as he repeated.

“I promise to only love Jim for the rest of my life. In sickness and health until death.” Spock opened his eyes again. Jim was smiling still, his cheeks pink.

“Anything else?”

“No, I think we are betrothed now.” Spock said.

“Aren’t you forgetting something…the thing grown-ups do at the end?” Jim prompted.

That was the first time they ever kissed. Spock relied on Jim to do it, and though Jim boasted that he’d done it before, there was a mutual shyness and mutual blush as their lips touched.

Spock had been so unspeakably happy that summer, and that year in general. He’d had his first friend and first proper bond-mate. He did not know it at the time, but he was experiencing love. The blooming love of childhood was the most  pure and innocent.

It hurt to recall it all. It was as if the meld pushed the sword in his side deeper and deeper. He would have pulled back if he could, truly on instinct. But T’Aria was a much more experienced melder than Spock, and she knew how to end it safely.

She pulled back from him, and he opened his eyes. His hair had  come loose from its tie, and fell over his ears. He reached up to tuck it back, when he noticed the way she was looking at him.

It was with something almost akin to emotion. That was even more startling than seeing nothing. She narrowed her eyes at him and he felt a spike of guilt, but he was not sure why.

“Why are you here?”  She demanded.

“I… your father –“ Spock started.

“My father told me you wished to undergo Kolinahr due to troubling emotional pain in your past.” She wiped the remaining water off of her hands onto her robes.

“It was –is painful. Every day.” Spock was not sure why he was feeling defensive. “My mate was everything to me. Now he is gone, but I am still here. I cannot live with the pain of his absence. I need you to take it away.”

“I cannot do that.” She glanced away.

“What?” Spock asked, his voice soft before growing to a growl. “Why not!?”

“You cannot erase a bond like that.” She said.

“I know you can.” Spock brushed his hair behind his ears and thought of the texts he’d been reading in the temple. “I know those with failed bonds have completed Kolinahr.”

“Those were ordinary bonds made between amicable Vulcans by an elder of the clan. Those can be broken and the feelings can be erased, but not a bond like this.”

“Clarify what you mean.”

“The T’hy’la bond cannot be erased.” She dried her hands on her robes again and stood up. “Not by Kolinahr, not by anything. Not while your T’hy’la is still alive.”

“M-My…?” Spock shook his head. “The T’hy’la bond is just a myth from ancient times.”

“Ancient, yes. But not a myth. It is quite real, and quite rare. And you have it with that human.”

“I…” Spock’s heart pounded fast. He did not know what to do with this information. He supposed it made sense, clicking into place why his mind had seemed unbondable before he met Jim. His pain flared up again as he longed to share this information with Jim, the one person he could not reach. “What…what can I do?”

“You say that your T’hy’la is lost to you?” She asked.

“Yes.” Spock stood up.

“Then I suggest you do the most logical thing and try to find him. When I touched your mind, it touched his as well. He is out there, and he feels your bond, even if he does not want to.”

 

Spock and Ko-elki rested at the temple for another day before Spock would journey back to the city. He ate with the students and was invited to listen to the father’s sermon once more. Spock declined and instead when back to the temple’s library.

“T’hy’la….” Spock’s fingers trailed over the spines of the old books. He pulled down one and carefully skimmed the pages. Ko-elki jumped onto the table beside the book and sneezed from the dust. Spock drew a sharp breath when he found what he was looking for.

_T’hy’la; Meaning friend, kin, or lover. From ancient Golic Vulcan. Said to be the bond of two souls destined for one another even through war and turmoil. An eternal love._

Spock smiled, feeling himself blush. He took a cleansing breath and closed the book before putting it back on the shelf.

“Come on, Ko-elki.” He picked her up. “Time to go.”

As he said goodbye to T’Aria, and let the father supply him food for the journey, he took one last look around this place. He imagined a life in which he did find peace here. He could listen to the sermons every day and feed the travelers who came to pray to the shrine. It did sound nice, but no.

He could never do that. Certain requirements of the priests such as celibacy just did not fit his lifestyle. And he had to find his T’hy’la again.

Ko-elki followed him back across the desert sand to the city. This time, Spock’s mind was so busy wrapping itself around this revelation, that he did not think to even look for le-matyas.

He paused at the gate of his yard, letting himself smile at the knowledge that his feelings were still here. He passed the statue of Surak and opened the door to the dwelling.

Sanara hugged him around the waist and then scooped up the cat. Amanda held back tears as she hugged him. Sarek simply placed a hand on Spock’s shoulder, but that said all he needed to know.

“Kolinahr was not for me.” Spock told them. “I have decided to go to Earth indefinitely. I hope this does not upset you.”

“Not at all.” Sarek said.

“But we will miss you.” Amanda said.

“Sa-kai, may I come visit you and Ko-elki at your Earth house?” Sanara asked, looking up from scratching the cat’s chin.

“Yes, of course, Ko-kai.” He placed a hand on her head. “Though, I am not sure I will have my own home right away.”

He was not even sure where he was going. His parents seemed to think he was going back to school. He could not bear to disappoint them, so he was silent about his plans, or lack of.

When he’d gone to the temple, it was customary to bring very little. Now that he was going back to Earth, Spock packed everything he could.

Stacks and stacks of sweaters and other clothes went into one bag. His lute and Ko-elki’s things in another. Only when he tried to cram in books did he recall he had most of these on his PADD.

He grabbed his dead PADD from the bottom of his travel bag and placed it on the charging station. It immediately lit up, but he saw no new messages. Still, he made sure to pack it again when it was fully charged so he’d have something to read.

“Oh –“ Spock stopped halfway down the stairs with his bags when he saw Sanara and Asil standing at the bottom blocking his way.

“There she is.” Sanara pointed at Ko-elki, who was trailing behind Spock. “I told you my brother had a Terran feline for a pet.”

“How fascinating.” Asil crouched down to observe as Ko-elki trotted over. She patted the cats head as Ko-elki reached up with one paw to swat at Asil’s long hair. “How is a Terran animal able to prosper on Vulcan?”

“It is quite simple. I will show you.” Spock put his bags down and reached for his PADD. He pulled up the logs he made of Ko-elki’s first year of growth as well as the list of medicines she had to take to get used to the atmosphere.

“Interesting.” Asil tapped her chin. “What if I acquired my own Terran animal? Would it be able to live here?”

“You want your own cat?” Spock asked. He knew Sanara liked cats too, so perhaps they wanted to raise one together.

“Not a cat.” Sanara said. Only the fact that he knew her so well let Spock hear her slight disappointment. “Asil wants a different sort of animal.”

 “Dardanus calidus.” Asil said.

“A hermit crab?” Spock furrowed his brow. “They are fascinating, but not very cute.”

“Wrong.” Asil took Spock’s PADD and typed something in before showing it to him. It was a hermit crab crawling in a little terrarium. “Look how…precious.”

“I shall keep my eyes open for them.” Spock nodded. “Goodbye. Live long and prosper.”

“Peace and long life.” Sanara held up the ta’al with one hand and took Asil’s hand in the other.

Spock would not have time to look for crabs. His first destination was not where crabs dwelled. Autumn in Riverside was crisp and cool. Spock wore a sweater over his robes as he crossed the farmland towards the Kirk house.

He recalled doing the same thing the last winter he was here, and relying on thoughts of Jim to keep him warm. This time, he did the same. He thought of his T’hy’la, and what he would say. He felt nervous, entirely against his being. Ko-elki purred from her spot on his shoulder, calming his nerves.

Spock knocked on the door and rubbed his hands together as he waited. If it was just Sam inside, then Spock would not be afraid of him. He would demand to know where Jim currently was. He would demand to have Jim’s contact information.

When he finally found Jim again, he would explain.

After a long moment, there was still no answer. Spock knocked again and waited. Ko-elki hopped down from his shoulder and began patrolling the porch. Spock shivered in the cool breeze and then paused. The sound of distant footsteps made Spock’s head turn sharply. He turned around just as someone approached the porch steps.

“Can I help you?” It was a man Spock had never seen before. He was wearing dirty overalls and hand unkempt facial hair.

“I am looking for the Kirks.”

“Who’s asking?” His voice was gruff.

“I am.” Spock narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?”

“Who are you?” He snapped. “I got strict orders from Commander Kirk to take care of this land. You’re trespassing.”

“Do you have her number?” Spock asked. Having Winona’s number would be a quick way to get Jim’s.

“Not on me. What do you want anyways?” His eyes snapped to Ko-elki, who was winding around his ankles.

“I need to talk to Jim.”

“I don’t know who that is or who you are. Why don’t you just get out of here! I don’t like the look of you!”

“Pardon?”

“I have a pitchfork, and I’m not afraid to use it.”

“Such a primitive tool does not scare me.” Spock said, though he picked up Ko-elki anyways and backed off the porch, never turning his back to the old farmer.

When he was just over the Kirk property line, he turned and began speed walking towards the town. He shivered again, feeling as if his insides were freezing.

Jim. His t’hy’la. He was still out there, his status unknown to Spock. Meanwhile, Spock just felt lost. He considered going back to the train station to sleep. What else could he do? His bag felt as if it were greatly weighing him down, despite his strength.

He stopped and leaned against the first building he came to. The streets were almost empty, but he could hear a fair amount of noise from inside the building. Spock tucked his cat as best he could into his bag and slipped inside.

Spock did not like crowds, but the body heat of them warmed him considerable. He sighed in contentment as his shivering subsided. He pushed his way through the crowd and began to slowly recognize this place as the bar he and Jim were removed from.

He began to feel crowd anxiety, but ignored it. He just needed to rest somewhere warm for a while until he figured out what to do.

What could he do? Go back to Jim’s house and wait until the farmer was gone before breaking in? No, he could never do that. Call his father and ask him to use his credentials to find the Akira’s precise location? Maybe.

Spock was just squeezing through the crowd towards a corner table when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spock stiffened slightly, internalizing his jolt of fear.

“Spock! Is that really you?”

Spock turned to see a familiar yet aged face. Despite the familiarity, he did not feel any more at ease about being in here.

“Captain.” Spock nodded at Pike. He was wearing street clothes instead of a uniform, and his hair was now several shades greyer. He smiled and took his hand off Spock’s shoulder.

“Wow. I hardly recognized you with your hair grown out and all that height on you, but then I saw your ears, and I figured.”

“I had no difficulty recognizing you, despite the fact that you have aged.” Spock said. Pike grimaced and then laughed. It was oddly refreshing to make a human laugh again.

“Come, sit.” Pike led him towards two empty seats at the bar before turning to the person behind it. “Two please.”

Spock sat with his bag on his lap and Ko-elki popped her head out to eye Pike as if she were assessing him. The bar tender placed down two beers. Pike grabbed one, and Spock took the other just to be polite.

“I’m just here checking on things at the ship yard. I know why you’re here.” He took a sip. “You’re looking for Jim.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“The last time I talked to Winnie, she said he was…recovering.” He sighed and took another swig. “I wish I knew more, really, it’s just…Winnie and I haven’t been on the best of terms in a long time. I wanted to do all I could for Sam and Jim, but she sometimes made me feel like I was overstepping.”

“Were you not George Kirk’s best friend?” Spock asked, narrowing his eyes. “I fail to see how you insuring his children had proper upbringing constitutes as overstepping.”

“Tell me about it.” He chuckled dryly. Spock was prepared to say more about it, when Pike sighed. “Believe me, I just want to say to someone…that I never thought that would happen. I trusted the credentials. I trusted Kodos! I never thought he’d –“

“I know.” Spock said, his voice soft. “Winona blames you?”

“No. I don’t know. It goes back further than that. I think since her promotion to the Akira. I told her she shouldn’t go, for the sake of the boys, and she told me I had no idea what I was talking about. Said I don’t know shit because I never had children. Hell, maybe she’s right.” He chugged his drink.

“I never saw the logic in her leaving her children either.” Spock said. He took a tiny sip of the drink, but grimaced at the taste.

“Well, maybe she’s trying to make up for it. Jim’s with her now, so I assume he’s some form of happy. I really hope so.” He finished his drink.

“As do I.” Spock said. “I miss him. I –“

He stopped when he caught his emotions rising. He closed his mouth as a blush spread on his face. He looked up to see Pike watching him.

 “Never mind.” Spock placed one hand on Ko-elki’s chest to feel her calming purr. He could not spill his heart out about the T’hy’la bond to Captain Pike. Instead, he found his voice on another trouble. “It is just that now, I am quite lost. The path I once thought I would be on has ended. The school I wanted to attend rejected me, and I now feel as if I have nowhere to go.”

“Why’d they reject you?” Pike asked.

“They believe my talents are suited for a different school.” Spock said. Pike looked over and grinned.

“Another school…such as?” He leaned over.

“As…?” Spock was unsure. He had never looked into anything they had sent him.

“Starfleet Academy!” He slammed his hand down on the bar, making their bottles rattle.

“Pardon?” Spock blinked.

“Why not? The campus is beautiful, the curriculum is unprecedented, and the mission is amazing. I may be biased, but if you like science, it’s a fantastic place, and I’m teaching there this year.”

“I…am unsure.” Spock looked down.

“Why is that?” His smile didn’t waver.

“I am unsure.” Spock repeated. “Would they take someone like me?”

“Vulcans have attended in the past, and they’ve been great. It’s as an important part of being in the Federation as any.”

Spock thought of his father’s job, and the honor it brought to their clan. He then thought of himself, jobless, with no higher education. He did need something, and Captain Pike was smiling at him. He reached into his bag and got his PADD from where Ko-elki was sitting on it.

The untouched email from the Vulcan Science Academy was still in his inbox. He tapped it and scrolled down to the list of schools that the Academy could send their letter of recommendation, provided that offer was still on the table.

“Starfleet Academy, San Francisco, Earth.” He looked up from reading it aloud to see Pike nodding.

“So, does that sound like where your destiny lies?”

“I…”

“You know, I think the last Vulcan to ever pass through did the whole course in three years. Do you think you could do it in two?”

Spock’s eyes scanned the document on his PADD. The council’s recommendation letter reminded Spock of his own strengths he had doubted. His own mind, abilities, and intelligence he had let slack.

His own destiny was independent from the love for his T’hy’la. He looked back up at Pike, determination in his eyes, and nodded.

 

Jim awoke with a gasp, sitting up in the small closet-turned-bedroom where he slept. It was his own personal space in space. The only spot allotted for him on the Akira. It wasn’t big enough to do much more than sleep, but he didn’t mind.

He wrapped himself back in his blanket and tried to fall back asleep, but his eyes kept popping back open. He didn’t want to lay here remembering the dream he’d had. He didn’t want to risk falling back asleep into it either, so he just got up.

He kept his blanket draped around his shoulders as he opened the closet door and stepped out into the quarters he shared with his mom. It was dark, and as always, the tiny viewport showed the black expanse of space.

“Computer, lights to ten percent.”

It lit up as he crossed the room towards the replicator. He sipped the juice from it and sighed. He had no idea what time it was. Space made it always look like night time, and his frequent naps didn’t help.

“Computer, what time is it on Earth?”

“ _The time in San Francisco is eleven twelve am.”_

“What time is it on Vul—“ Jim bit his lip. “Never mind.” He didn’t care. He didn’t.

He thought about going down to engineering to see his mom, but that would make it easy for the doctor to find him. The fact that he had one specific doctor on board watching his health like a hawk was half-flattering and half-infuriating.

It’d annoyingly gotten him into the habit of picking healthy food for every meal. It was also why he was sipping juice instead of soda.

He put his juice down and decided to get out. Maybe he’d go somewhere slightly more obscure where the doctor wouldn’t find him. Jim would just lie and say he _forgot_ about his daily check-ups.

Jim dropped his blanket onto the couch, grateful once more that they were upgraded from a tiny crewman’s quarters to something that slightly resembled a living space for tow, and stepped out into the corridor.

He wasn’t allowed in anyplace important without a code, and he knew everyone on the ship just thought of him as that annoying kid. It didn’t help that he was giving them dorky salutes.

The labs were boring. The observation deck was enthralling, but he couldn’t hide there. He finally succumbed to the boredom and went down to engineering.

“Hey, Ma, can I use your PADD?” He approached her station.

“School work?” She didn’t look up.

“No. I’m done with all that, remember?” He leaned against the station and watched her.

“Grade twelve?” She glanced at him for just a second.

 “Yes. Did it all last month, remember? I made you help me with my history essay?” He rolled his eyes. He was practically the only thing in her life, but she still managed to forget he existed about half the time.

“Right. Well, why don’t you occupy yourself some other way besides playing on the internet?”

“Right!” He smiled sarcastically. “I’ll just go to library! Oh, wait, I can’t. There’s nothing to do here.”

“Learn something new.” She grabbed something from the floor and handed it to him.

It was thick book with a worn out cover. Jim narrowed his eyes at and the sight of several loose-leaf notes shoved in between the pages.

“Basic Engineering?” He grimaced and looked up at her.

“It’s educational.” She went back to her work.

“This is an academy textbook…” Jim opened the front cover. “You’re trying to trick me into doing academy work. Well, I won’t.” He slammed the book.

“You said you were bored.” She shrugged.

“So, what? You think I’ll read this book and suddenly  be able to get a degree and be some kind of….crew…person!?” Like his father. He slumped against the wall.

“Jim, please.” She sighed. “I’m working. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want. Nor do you have to read the other textbooks I got for you. Nor do you have to apply the knowledge and earn the credits I know you _could_ earn if you tried, but you _do_ have to let me work!”

“Fine!” He snapped. “Sorry my existence inconvenienced you!”

He carried the book out into the corridor. What now? He finished his school work. He had a GED and he didn’t have to look at another book for the rest of time if that’s what he wanted. But, no, that wasn’t like him. He did like reading, he just hated the idea of taking Starfleet classes because he knew that’s what everyone expected of him.

He didn’t even get a chance to skim the back cover before he heard the heavy steps behind him. He froze and considered ducking into a random hallway to avoid the doctor, but it was too late.

“Jim!”

“Bones! I was just looking for you!” He chuckled nervously.

“Don’t lie to me, kid. I’ve been all over looking for _you._ Wanna explain why the hell you’ve missed your last two physicals?”

“I dunno. I forgot, I guess.” Jim turned around.

Dr. McCoy narrowed his eyes in unamusement, but Jim was hardly afraid of him anymore. He never was, actually. The doctor put on a gruff persona, but seeing as the first thing Jim ever saw of him was how much he cared for his patients.

“Well, let’s go right now, then.” McCoy beckoned for him to follow.

Jim groaned loudly and dragged his feet behind him towards sickbay. He didn’t know why he hated this so much. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to listen to so many lectures about his health. Sometimes he felt like such a lab rat in here. Jim sat on the biobed and couldn’t even wait for McCoy to observe his reading before he was itching to leave.

“Done?” Jim tried to slide off the bed.

“Not.” McCoy snapped. “Lay down. You know how this works.”

Jim was just glad there was no one else here to stare at him as he put his book on the side table and laid back, keeping his arms and legs straight and breathing evenly.

“Hmm…”

“What?” Jim sat up a bit and looked over.

“Nothing…” He rubbed at his face and sighed. “You just lost weight again.”

“Again?” Jim sighed. “That’s it, I’m going back to junk food. This diet is obviously messing up my progress.”

“Hold your horses.” McCoy said. “That’s not the answer. The answer is moderation and exercise. Anxiety is also a factor. Have you been taking your meds?”

“Yes.” Jim said truthfully.

“How’s your sleep?”

“It’s…okay.” Jim tried to lie, but gave up. Something about the doctor’s gentle voice that was saved only for patients made him feel more at ease. “I had a bad dream last night.”

“Hm.” McCoy looked up at him from the charts he got from Dr. Ford. “Was it about Tar –“

“No.” Jim glanced away. “The…uh, other thing.”

 The only thing that bothered him like Tarsus did was the memory of what he did to Spock. He thought breaking up with him would make things easier. Spock didn’t need someone who was so fucked up, and the long-distance thing was killing them both.

He thought he did the right thing, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about it. One of two things was currently happening; either Spock was totally over him and had moved on, or Spock was still completely destroyed over it.

Jim wasn’t sure which was worse.

He wanted to be over it too, but it didn’t help when he had the dream that he did. It was like some unknown thing reached into his brain and pulled forth the memory of sitting with Spock under the summer sun and promising to only love each other and never leave each other’s sides.

It was a promise that Jim completely destroyed. That was what made a good memory a bad dream.

McCoy didn’t know a thing about that. The most he got out of him was that Jim had a long-term relationship that he destroyed over his Tarsus trauma. That was all Jim ever said. McCoy didn’t need to know anything else. He didn’t even know Spock’s name.

“Well, how does that make you feel?” McCoy asked, putting down his charts and giving Jim his full attention.

“Shitty.”

“Good.” McCoy placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder and gently pushed him back down on the bed.

“What?” Jim sat up again. “How is that good?”

“Do you remember when we first met? You always lied to me about everything. You lied about what you ate, and how you felt. You don’t do that anymore.” McCoy smiled.

“It’s kinda hard to lie to someone you respect so much, I guess.” Jim blushed. “But that still doesn’t help me. And I don’t _wanna_ talk to the ship’s psych.” He hated the questions she always asked him.

“Then what do you want?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I just want something else to take my mind off everything. Like this.” Jim grabbed the engineering book off the side table.

“Engineering? Following in mom’s footsteps, eh?” He grinned.

“I don’t know. No. I’d rather be something with more authority, I think.”

“Like the captain?” He chuckled.

“That’s what I always was when I played pretend.” Jim mumbled, opening the book and finding the words swimming in front of his eyes. “I gotta got get my glasses.”

“How about this.” McCoy took the book from him. “You rest here for a while so I can check your progress, then we’ll eat together, so I can monitor your diet.”

“But I need my glasses.”

“Why don’t I read to you?” McCoy pulled up a chair by the bed.

Jim wanted to refuse. Didn’t McCoy get annoyed of having to practically babysit him all the time? He helped the CMO a lot, but only when the sickbay got full did McCoy get to branch out and spend more time with other patients.

“Okay.” He closed his eyes. Maybe he didn’t really want to refuse after all.

As laid back, he thought about what his mom said. Did she really have more books from the academy for him to read? Would reading them really be the equivalent to a class? Well, maybe if he had a teacher or a tutor.

Starfleet was still giving him all sorts of accommodations. All of the Tarsus victims were getting scholarships for college and all their healthcare taken care of. Wouldn’t it fall right into their accommodations for him to ask for a tutor to earn academy credits?

He’d look into it. For now, he just let the gentle sound of McCoy’s southern drawl tell him all about the basic functions of engines. Fascinating.

 

Spock’s time at the academy was odd for him. He showed up at his first day wearing his uniform with his hair freshly cut short. Being surrounded by so many humans without Jim as his shield meant Spock had to meditate often to keep their thoughts from bleeding into his –not that he ever allowed them to touch him.

In his first year, his room was small and window-less. He was not sure if it was Pike’s doing, but he did not have a roommate, meaning he got to behave fully alien whenever he shut himself inside. There was no one to comment on his meditation attire and Ko-elki seemed to enjoy having the top bunk to herself.

His professor’s seemed to know him by Pike’s word of mouth, but just as he was beginning to know them, he would be told he excelled at their class and would be moved ahead in the curriculum.

Spock was able to earn another credit by acting as Pike’s teacher’s aide. Spock’s job was to return memos to other staff and grade the cadet’s homework. Since Pike’s lectures consisted of his recounting many missions, Spock found it easier to attend the lectures and transcribe them so he could fact check them against the homework.

He was unsure how these lectures helped anyone’s education in responsible captaincy, but it was not Spock’s place to criticize. Besides, by working under Pike in good terms, Spock was constantly being introduced to important Starfleet personnel. It was both exciting and anxiety inducing. It was a good thing Spock did not feel either of those things.

In the winter, Spock stayed under Pike’s wing, and was ushered around to several holiday parties. Spock was grateful for the invitation in which he would get closer to important Starfleet officials, but he was still uncomfortable being around so many humans. He stayed in the back, wearing the Hanukah sweater Amanda made him, and trying to avoid shaking hands.

“So, Cadet Spock, how are you enjoying classes?” An Admiral approached Spock at a New Year’s party at Captain Pike’s apartment.

“I find them very mentally stimulating.” Spock was never good at eye contact. He kept his gaze on the carbonated drink forced on him and watched the bubbles slowly rise to the surface.

“That’s good. Hopefully nothing’s too hard for you. Wouldn’t want you to be discouraged from taking my physics class. There’s also the advanced warp theory. If your plate’s not too full, you should look into taking it next semester. Professor Scott will be teaching, and he’s a genius.”

Spock’s eyes trailed over to where the Admiral was nodding. A man was crouched down to be eye level with a Roylan. They were clinking their glasses together and the man was laughing.

“Ah –look at the time. Gotta find my better half in time for  the clock to strike!”

The Admiral dashed off into the crowd and Spock narrowed his eyes in confusion before his keen senses kicked in. Over the chatter of dozens of voices and clinking of drink, he picked up on the soft ticking of an antique chronometer across the room. Midnight was in ten seconds.

Spock’s hand trembled around his glass as he backed up, pressing himself into the wall and wanting to disappear as the clock struck. The blast of fireworks and cheers from every apartment in the building pierced his ears.

Everyone was suddenly engaging in tradition. Scott kissed his Roylan companion on the side of the face and Spock squeezed his eyes shut as everyone else found someone to kiss. He tried not to recall doing the same thing with Jim before.

The good spirits afterwards kept everyone drinking and drinking. Their lowered perceptions made it easy for Spock to grab his coat and slip out. Despite the cold air, he did not go straight home. San Francisco was beautiful at night and the streets were not very full. No one looked at him as he circled the block just to think, yet trying not to remember.

When his second semester came, Spock took the classes the Admiral had suggested. It seemed like a logical way to make a good impression.

He found that Professor Scott was both a genius and quite mad. Spock’s book made an excellent shield when the miniature warp core Scott was demonstrating exploded on the second day of class. Luckily, nothing was radioactive just yet. Spock did had to pull shrapnel from his textbook cover.

Professor Scott did not return for the third day of class.

Spock buried himself more into his work even as summer came. He refused to stop. If he stopped, then he would remember things. He would remember what summer used to mean and what he and Jim would do. When it became evident that there were several weeks in which there would be absolutely no school work to do, he went to visit his family on vacation.

He brought his sister and her bond-mate a present in the form of a tiny hermit crab in a little terrarium. They fawned over it while Spock spent the days in the garden or pretending to take interest in Sarek’s work. Anything to keep his mind busy.

In his second year, Spock was once again mostly confined to his dorm room or the library. He watched his credits slowly rise as he continued to impress his teachers. They continued to pull him aside after class and praise his work.

“Pike was right about you.” Was the usual opener.

“I am grateful Captain Pike believes in my abilities.” Spock would answer.

Despite remaining emotionless in these exchanges, Spock would feel something akin to elation for several days following. This usually resulted in him putting in extra work for Pike to show his appreciation.

One morning, Spock was in Captain Pike’s office grading the student’s homework. Half his brain was working the tedious task, having lost the appeal after the first few assignments showed little intellect, and the other half strayed to Captain Pike’s conversation with an Admiral just outside the door.

“Yes, I was just at the ship yard again last week.” Pike said. “They’re saying she’ll launch soon.”

“That sounds about right.” The Admiral replied. “With you in charge, we can’t think of anything that could disturb the Enterprise’s maiden voyage. So, have you picked your team yet? With Una having her own command, you’ll have to pick from our promising young cadets here.”

“I have thought about it.” Pike said. Spock stopped typing and pictured Pike nodding. “There’s some cadets here who’re so wicked smart, that we should be proud to have them. I don’t want to say too much…”

“You’re thinking of that Vulcan apprentice of yours?” The Admiral chuckled. Spock turned his head sharply.

“I don’t wanna say too much.” Pike repeated with a laugh.

Spock’s elation could not be hidden now. He finished his work and went straight back to his room to tell Ko-elki. He knew he still had many credits to complete, and he could not guarantee he would be done in time to be picked for the Enterprise crew. Still, the fact that Pike had so much faith in him was exciting.

Working hard to keep Pike thinking of him was Spock’s new plan. It succeeded when he was recommended for an advanced computer class.

The teacher was stern and tapped the digital board, pulling up strings and strings of code with her stylus. In an instant Spock discovered another intellectual activity that came naturally to him. He learned everything there was to know about the codes that ran the average computer system on a starship. He had a feeling the ones on the Enterprise were much more impressive.

They were encouraged to create programs themselves that could do the same tasks as an average computer. Spock found snippets of a retired broken code and was able to fix the errors –thus the holo-vids in the classroom were working again.

Spock was not sure how this warranted a meeting with the head of the department. Sometimes those who were in academic trouble were called to meetings in front of majority of the student body. Spock was just grateful it was him, an assistant dean, and Captain Pike.

“May I ask what this is referring to?” Spock was able to show no emotion as he sat across from the dean in the tiny office.

“Professor Reede has filed a complaint against you.” The dean said with a sigh.

“Against him? What for?” Pike cut in.

“I do not understand.” Spock narrowed his eyes.

“She says that you…” He pulled something up on his PADD and looked down at it through his glasses. “Make a constant effort to show her up and humiliate her in front of the class.”

“I do no such thing.” Spock said.

“Sounds like shi –“ Pike cleared his throat when the dean looked at him. “Crap. Sounds like crap to me. If he’s able to do work and solve problems that she couldn’t, why should he get in trouble for it?”

“I never meant anything by fixing her program.” Spock assured him.

“What program, exactly was it?” Pike asked.

“The one that allowed holographic projections in the classroom. It had been broken all year. I only wanted to help.”

Pike began laughing. That was not the reaction Spock expected, but he did not know how to read humans very well, especially ones he had not known long. He looked to the dean, who was staring at Pike.

“Spock, that’s not something she created. That broke a long time ago. She was supposed to fix it, but I guess she never could. You didn’t just fix her program, you fixed something the whole school runs on.”

“I was only trying to help.”

“Reminds me of a certain other thing that needs fixing…” Pike leaned towards the dean. “You know, the Kob—“

“I am aware. But that simulation was discontinued when it was found students were able to cheat just by knowing a simple trick. It is no longer a accurate test of someone’s command ability.”

“But what if Spock fixed it? So that no one could ever beat it. You know, the original plan?”

“I don’t know –“

“Let him try.”

“What is this?” Spock asked, looking between them.

“Let him try.” Pike said. “If he fixes it, then…well, what I was asking of you should be very doable.”

“He’s barely got two years under his belt, and you want him under your command on our flagship of the fleet? Chris, think for a second.”

“I am thinking. Just let him try, okay?”

“Fine.” The dean sighed.

“I am unsure what we are talking about.” Spock looked between them again.

“Come on, I’ll explain it to you over dinner. We deserve to celebrate.”

Over dinner, Spock learned that his ticket to the Enterprise was being able to fix a code that ran a simulation. Spock knew many final exams were taken via simulation that replicated many real-world scenarios in Starfleet.

The one that Spock needed to fix was called the Kobayashi Maru. The scenario of rescuing a distressed ship at the expense of your own was apparently broken when a wise cadet figured out a simple glitch and exploited it before telling everyone how it was done.

Spock sat in his room that night and pulled the code up from the flash drive Pike had given him. His dark room was immediately illuminated by a blue glow as thousands of lines of code appeared on the screen.

“Hm. Well, Ko-elki, it seems this will take a while. It is a good thing I am weeks ahead in all of my classes.”

The cat jumped into his lap and kept him company as he got to work. The project seemed to captivate his attention. He was enthralled. He did not leave his room besides to use the restroom and get food. He found himself choosing food that was high in calories to keep his energy up. Potato chips and even the unappetizing sludge known as coffee was his fuel as he worked for three days straight.

“It is…done.” Spock stared at the screen with bleary eyes as it rounded eight in the morning on the fourth day. “I think it is finally finished. Is this not exciting?” He looked up at Ko-elki, who yawned at him from her place on the top bunk.

Spock showered and put on his uniform before taking the flash drive to the department head. That evening the first cadets were asked to test the simulation. Spock stood behind the glass and watched with the instructors as the cadet acting as the captain began to have a nervous breakdown as the bridge simulated exploding.

“Congratulations.” Pike put his hand on Spock’s shoulder. This time, Spock did not mind it so much. “See you bright and early on the fifteenth!”

With that being several days away, Spock was able to finish all of his credits in time. He apparently earned more on average in his short time at the academy than even the last Vulcan to attend. He was grateful that it was not truly seen as illogical to be proud of one’s accomplishments.

On the morning he was joining the ship, Spock packed all of his things up and carried them down to the boarding area.

“Amazing, is it not?” Spock asked Ko-elki, who was trotting behind him.

The building was mostly empty, save for a few people already in uniform. They were walking fast and seemed in deep conversation. When they reached the other end, their atoms dissipated. Spock looked up at the smooth silver ship outside through the glass ceiling and imagined their conversation continuing without missing a beat.

“Hello there, little friend.” A familiar voice sounded from over Spock’s shoulder.

“Hello, Professor.” Spock turned to see Professor Scott wearing a red uniform.

“I was talking to your cat, Ensign.” He chuckled.

“Oh, of course.” Spock looked down at Ko-elki, who was eyeing Scott suspiciously.

“And you don’t have to call me that, seein’ as I only held the job for a day or two. Some certain staff members were too touchy about a little fire.” He laughed. “Ya’ can just call me Scotty.”

“I found the lesson quite informative.” Spock said. Informative about what _never_ to do, but still.

“’Course you did. Captain told me how bright you were. I’m not surprised to find ya here so early. How does it feel to be a real fleet scientist?”

Spock was only wearing the uniform. He’d yet to do anything science related, but he did feel good. He felt very good, actually. He was finally achieving his destiny.

“It feels…logical.” Spock nodded.

“So, we aren’t set to launch for another four hours. What do ya say we kill time? You can come with me to engineering. Leave your stuff here, it’ll get beamed on safely with the other cargo.”

“What about Commander Thelin?” Spock had been looking forward to meeting the Chief Science Officer and getting right to work.

“He’s probably busy anyways. You can meet him later. Come with me.” Scotty beckoned for Spock to follow him.

Spock reluctantly set down his things and picked up Ko-elki. He did not trust the cargo transporter on his animal friend. He held her close and followed Scotty a ways away. He suddenly felt a strange sensation. He looked down and saw Ko-elki’s particles dissipating.

He opened his mouth to ask if it was normal to feel cold when it was happening, but within the next second, his atoms were fully reassembled and he was standing in the Enterprise transporter room.

“Fascinating.”

“First time?” Scotty laughed. “You’ll get quite used to it.”

He stepped off the transporter pad and walked towards the door. Spock followed him. At the console, Spock saw the same Roylan from Pike’s party. He was now wearing the same red uniform as Scotty.

“You’ve got it handled here?” Scotty asked him. The Roylan gave him a thumbs-up and Scotty nodded.

As they walked through the Enterprise corridors, Spock put Ko-elki down and let her follow them. Everything was so shiny and sleek. It was quite the contrast to the clunky looking pictures he’d seen of previous fleet ships.

Spock noticed a group of fellow science blue-wearing people passing a book back and forth and speaking excitedly. Spock lingered by them, wanting to know what they were saying.

“This way.” Scotty called from ahead. Spock reluctantly followed him into the turbo lift.

Engineering was empty. Half the consoles were blinking and the others were dormant, waiting for launch.

“What would you like my help with?” Spock asked.

Scotty went to drag something out from behind a wall. He crouched down and began unfolding the legs of what Spock saw was a table.

“You can grab the chairs and set those up.” He said.

Spock did not know what this was for, but he did it anyways. He unfolded the metal chairs and set them up by the table. He was just about to ask if that was all, when Scotty told him to have a seat. Spock sat down as Scotty pulled  a deck of cards out of his pocket.

“Now…this isn’t really a game of skill, but more of luck. The only skill is knowing how to bluff.” He dealt the cards out.

“I am familiar with poker.” Spock said. Ko-elki hopped into the empty chair and peered over the edge of the table. “But it is my understanding that gambling on a federation ship is against regulations.”

“We won’t play for money…but for these.” Scotty pulled a small red bag out of his other pocket. He tore it open and poured the content out onto the table.

“Candy?”

“Not against any rules.” Scotty began sorting them by color.

Poker was not something Spock needed to be taught. Vulcans had learned the game from humans, but it was something of a classic on his home world. Knowing stakes, when to bet, and most importantly –how to keep a straight face.

Spock did not feel smug or anything of the sort, even after he won all of Scotty’s candy. He was not even thinking of what he was missing out on with the other science officers. He found he was having something akin to fun.

“Ah, that’s three in a row! I thought it’d be easy to be you since Vulcans don’t lie.” He chuckled.

“The object of the game is to lie, so I had to make the exception.” Spock ate some of the candy. It was very sweet and fruit flavored. It was not bad at all. The sugar was giving him an odd hyper feeling, the perfect amount of energy to complete his work. “I appreciate you wanting to play with me, but I must go start my work now.”

“We should do this again next week!” Scotty put his feet up on the table as Spock got up.

“I will see what my schedule allows.” Spock said.

“Then I think I can tell the captain this was a success.”

“What do you mean?” Spock asked, picking Ko-elki up.

“Well, the captain asked me to spend some time with you. I didn’t think you’d agree, but I’m glad ya’ did. Maybe next week, I’ll earn my Skittles back.” He chuckled.

Spock did not feel disappointed, the way someone might when they learned the captain was forcing someone to be his friend. Instead, he felt touched that the captain would try and make Spock feel better about being in a new place where he didn’t know anyone. He found he did not mind so much that he missed speaking with Thelin.

After the game, Spock did get a chance to meet with the other science officers. Thelin showed them all some of the experiments he’d started in his private labs on Andoria and hoped to continue here. Spock attempted to perfectly memorize everything he was saying to write it all down later. His superior memory allowed him to recall minute details that Thelin mentioned before and ask about them.

“Captain Pike told me you were smart. I look forward to working with you, and I suspect you’ll rise through the ranks faster than your human peers. Faster than I did, at least, with no doubt.”

Spock nodded in thanks at the praise but could not help but wonder if Thelin’s comment about their human peers was meant to say that were both superior as aliens. Spock did not want his opinion on Thelin tarnished, so he simply decided to ignore it for now.

When Spock went to his quarters, he found his things were already there. Ko-elki got onto the bed as Spock began to unpack. The room was small, the minimal amount of things Spock had just covering the shelves. He reached down into  one of the boxes for his microscope, when his hand touched something smooth and round.

He looked down and pulled out the globe of sea water and sand he’d always kept in his room on the shelf above his bed. He managed the smallest of smiles as he turned it over in his hands and watched the water grow murky. The sand then settled again at the bottom.

The Terran ocean in his hands was not without painful memories of his last journey there as well as memories of the person who’d given him the globe as a gift. Jim… Spock still thought of him. They were both in space now. What line of stars connected them?

A chime at his door pulled him from his thoughts. He let the globe fall back into the box, heavily cushioned by sweaters. Spock pushed the remaining boxes into the storage space under his bed and went to the door.

“Spock, I expected to find you at the labs already.” Pike said.

“Captain,” Spock nodded at him in greeting. “I was just going there.”

“Well, I’m glad I caught you alone. I just wanted to ask how you are?”

“How am I?”

“How do you feel?”

“I feel fine, but I suppose you did not expect me to.” Spock replied. “You…told Commander Thelin about my skills beforehand. You also asked Mr. Scott to spend time with me.”

“Did that upset you?” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“No. I am trying to say…thank you.” Spock looked down. “I have been alone for a long time. I believe I have gotten every benefit from it that I can. It is time for me to be…social again.”

“I’m sure Scotty will be glad to hear that too.”

Spock would say that his time under Pike’s command was the happiest since his childhood. Spock would spend his days in the lab, learning so much from Thelin. The other science officers had seemed to already formed their own groups among themselves. Despite this, they respected Spock’s opinion greatly.

Spock stayed in the labs until very early in the mornings almost every day. With each destination, the samples of unknown items grew. Spock would leave the labs while majority of the crew was asleep. He would use this quite time to stare out the viewports and watch the black expanse.

Ko-elki  used this time to wander the ship for exercise. In order to make sure she would not get lost, Spock got her a collar with a bell on it. He felt much more content when he could hear the bell tinkling as she followed behind him on their walks.

After several months, Thelin seemed so impressed with Spock’s work that he arranged with Pike for Spock to get to work on the bridge. It would be during Gamma shift, but still, Spock was quite elated.

Instead of going to the labs until late, Spock rested in his quarters until it was time for his shift. He could not sleep, as unVulcan as nerves were, so he settled for deep meditation.

He was just reaching past his ordinary calm state and reaching something deep and familiar when his alarm went off. He quickly changed from his robes into his uniform and went to leave. Ko-elki popped her head up and went to follow him.

“No. Not tonight. I am doing important work. Stay here.” Spock told her.

Gamma shift was made up of a crew of all humans. The excitement of the mission had apparently long-since worn off, and a few of them looked bored and sleepy. No one seemed to notice as Spock took the spot at the science station.

“What’s the ETA?” Pike’s First Officer, Gary Mitchell was slumped in Pike’s usual chair. He swiveled around and looked at the crewman at the helm.

“I told the Captain, we’re about –“

“I don’t care what you told him. Now I’m asking. I’m acting in his stead, you know.”

“Y-Yes, Sir.” He stuttered. He pressed a few things in front of him. “Less than four days to Kalos station.”

“Less than four days…?”

“Less than four…Sir?” He answered nervously. Spock could see signs of perspiration on the young man’s brow.

He did not understand why Mitchell was making such a fuss, unless he was in the same situation as Spock, where Gamma shift was the only time he was solely in charge of his area. Unlike Mitchell, Spock did not feel the need to flaunt this authority. After all, it was only Gamma shift.

Mitchell went back to staring out the front viewport as Spock went to work. He went through the memory and read everything Thelin had ever entered. It was so fascinating to read this logs, as well as see where the scanners picked up things –things, Spock knew now had their own samples in the labs.

Spock was so involved as the hours went on, that he did not notice the giggles until most everyone on the bridge was laughing. Spock was just wondering what was so funny, when he heard a familiar tinkling sound. He looked down to see Ko-elki crouched on the floor of the bridge, swatting at his pant leg.

“What are you doing out here?” Spock asked, fighting the blush on his face as he crouched down. The laughter grew. “I told you to stay in our room.”

“Nice assistant, Ensign. She’s cuter than Keenser.” The navigator said. There was more laughter.

Spock sighed. He did not know if she would obey him if he told her to go straight back to their room. He did not want to risk her getting lost somewhere.

“What the hell is that thing doing here?” Mitchell approached Spock’s station.

“Apologies, Sir. It seemed she followed me here. Though how she got out, I am unsure.” Spock picked her up. He could practically feel everyone watching them.

“Does the captain know you have that thing? Did he say you could bring it on _our_ ship?”

“Yes, he did.” Spock said plainly. The laughter grew.

“Get it out of here. I’ll tell your superior of your incompetence.”

“I…Yes Sir.” Spock quickly left the bridge.

“Look what you have done.” Spock spoke to her sternly when they were back in his quarters. “That was a very important job, and you ruined it for me. Why would you do such a thing? I have been such a good owner. Why would you betray me?”

She just slowly blinked and yawned, exposing her sharp teeth. Spock sighed and stroked her head. She purred and curled up.

“I suppose you did not mean it. You were just bored and wanted to play with me. Still, Commander Mitchell is going to tell the captain and Thelin, and then I will never get to work on the bridge again.”

His fears were only mostly true. Thelin reprimanded Spock mildly and told him to make sure it didn’t happen again. Pike actually laughed.

“She followed you onto the bridge?” He asked. “That’s so cute.”

“Yes, It was rather cute.” Spock said quickly. “But are you not also disappointed in my unprofessional behavior?”

“Well, it was the cat, wasn’t it? They’re like that. Not as easily trained as dogs. They have their own way of doing things. Just make sure she doesn’t get out again, okay?”

“Yes Sir.” Spock nodded.

Pike seemed unaffected overall, but from that moment on, Spock was sure that Mitchell did not like him. Spock was not sure how he felt about that. Did he really crave the approval of someone so rude? He really did not mind at all.

In addition to most nights in the labs, once a week, Spock went down to engineering to see Mr. Scott. Spock found that he did enjoy the eccentric man’s company, even if he did not get to say much.

“What are you working on today?” Spock asked, approaching him.

“Working on my well-earned rest! I just fixed this whole wing with the supplies from Kalos, and I think it’s time to relax with a game. You in? I’ve got more candy.”

Spock found himself agreeing. It was not for the mediocre candy or the thrill of almost-always winning, but to maintain the enjoyable friendship.

Spock approached the table and sat down beside Keenser. He was the only Roylan Spock had ever known. He did not know whether silence was a trait they all shared, or just what Keenser preferred.

“Hello. How are you today?” Spock asked. Keenser gave him a nod. Spock left it at that.

Spock went back to his room that night with all of the candy.

The routine his life had fallen into not was not bad. His work in the labs was praised often, and he was able to hold fascinating conversations with his human peers.

As the months went on, their poker games were adorned with an illegal alcoholic substance. Some time ago, Spock would have reported such a thing, but he knew now that to remain friends, he would just let Scotty and Keenser drink. He himself did not partake.

He was allowed to work the bridge again as he rose in rank. The other crewmembers jokingly asked about his cat, and Spock responded by showing them pictures of her on his PADD. That seemed to be very popular. It resulted in rude looks from a certain first officer.

When he felt restless during times where they did not leave the ship, Spock went to the training area of the gymnasium  to hone his skills. It had been a long time since he’d done any combat, but the muscle memory of what Kesh had taught him was still there.

“Interesting.” Pike approached as Spock warmed up with basics. “You learned on Vulcan?”

“Recreational.” Spock said. “We would never use violence in a real battle.”

“Can’t say you should have that mindset here. You never know when there’ll be someone who wants to hurt you, especially in an uncharted planet. You should train to use those skills.”

“I find your logic sound.” Spock said, balancing on one leg. “But I am uncertain how I would learn without a master.”

“It may not be an ancient Vulcan art, but the Fleet standard combat training course is really easily, especially if you have a martial arts background.” Pike came to stand across from him. “I can teach you.”

“I cannot take your time like that, Captain.” Spock said, switching legs.

“I insist. You need to know this stuff. One day you might have to save my life or something.”

“As my superior, I would prioritize rescuing you over my own life. The task would be easier with sharper combat skills. I will allow you to train me.”

“Great. Now, the first thing is….well, I’m pretty sure Vulcan combat it mostly defense, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

“We can work with that, but you can’t be afraid to strike too. You may think violence is illogical, but it’s perfectly sound when you’re fighting for a cause, like to protect someone.”

The entire course of Starfleet combat took Spock three months to master. He felt somewhat bad about being able to pin Pike, as he did not want it to seem like he was flaunting his skills.

“Do not worry, Captain.” Spock said from on top of him. “You only lost because the ship’s gravity is set to Earth’s, making me stronger. Also, you are very old.”

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” Pike grunted from underneath.

“Of course.” Spock got up. “I suggest you visit Dr. Piper. Your advanced age may aggravate your injuries.”

“I’m not _that_ old, Spock.” Pike rubbed at his arm where it’d been pinned to the mat.

“My apologies. Your grey hair and wrinkles gave me the impression that you were elderly.”

Pike’s sigh of frustration turned to laughter. Spock was not sure how to interpret this. He decided to go back to his room and start on his work.

 

Spock did not even realize when a year had passed on the Enterprise until new transfers arrived. They returned to Earth to pick them up, and Spock took this time to visit San Francisco.

“You know what we did before we first got shipped off into space?” Scotty asked as he, Spock, and Keenser walked down the busy sidewalk.

“Consume alcohol?” Spock asked.

“Yes!” He laughed. “That’s better than what some people do, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“The anxiety from leaving Earth…it makes humans do weird stuff. Most of them get drunk, but some get tattoos. That’s a tradition I was this close to participating in, only I screamed when I saw the needle!” He laughed again.

Spock’s eyes strayed to what sparked the conversation. The tattoo parlor was illuminated by a neon sign. The windows were covered in pages displaying intricate designs.

“Ah, here.” Scotty went to the bar next door. “Let’s get inside before I freeze.”

“I will…join you both momentarily.” Spock’s eyes did not leave the window.

The cold suddenly did not matter. His eyes roamed over one of the designs in the window. Lyra. The same constellation on Jim’s ribs. Spock vividly recalled tracing his fingers over the warm skin as the snow fell outside.

The bell chimed overhead as Spock stepped inside. The man inside wore a shirt with no sleeves, instead, the designs on his arms covered his skin. That was illogical, as it did little for the cold weather.

“Can I help you?”

“I would like a constellation.” Spock blurted.

“You want a what?”

 

Spock found Scotty and Keesner next door an hour later. His coat and scarf stayed on, shielding him from the Earth cold. As he sipped his mint water while they drank heavily, he let his thumb trace over his inner left forearm.

Four stars connected in a jagged line was the most famous Vulcan constellation. It connected them to Earth. His two homes. Two halves of his heart and mind. It was nice to have a physical reminder of them on his person.

And Jim was right –it barely even hurt.

 

The first pair of new officers the Enterprise got were skilled for their young ages. Well, one was around Spock’s age. The other was so young that Spock was quite impressed he was an academy graduate. Spock told him as soon as he got the chance.

“Are you mocking me?” Chekov narrowed his eyes.

“Pav, cool it.” Sulu put a hand on his shoulder. “He’s Vulcan. Everything they say is serious. He wouldn’t even know how to tease you.”

“Certainly not.” Spock agreed.

“Oh. Sorry, I’m just a bit sensitive after what Commander Mitchell said.” Chekov averted his gaze.

“Pay him no mind. He is not a very kind or patient person.” Spock said. “Now, according to what the captain told me, you completed your core classes in two years. As someone who did the same, I greatly respect your ability.”

“W-Wow, really?” He blinked, his face reddening. “Well, I know you’re the one who created the Kobayashi Maru, and I feel like staying calm during it was what helped me pass, even though we obviously didn’t finish the mission.”

“Did you act as the captain?”

“Oh, no! Hikaru and I were just on the bridge crew.”

“Equally as important.” Spock nodded.

His unfamiliarity with these humans left him with nothing else to say. Still, he was not at all bothered when he showed up in engineering the next evening and found two more players waiting to start the game.

“Pavel was just giving me a hand down here, and I invited him and his buddy to join us.” Scotty said. “I figured it might even the field a bit with new players. Is that alright with ya’?”

“Yes. I believe it will be mentally stimulating to have new players.” Spock said.

Spock’s usual strategy was implemented as he eyed the red bag of candy on the table. It would soon be joining the recycled matter in the receptacles once it was his to do with as he pleased. Logically, he knew he should let Scotty keep them if he was not going to eat them, but Scotty actually seemed too prideful to take them when he hadn’t won them.

Spock’s plan was foiled, however, when his strategy was slowly destroyed by Chekov. The young Ensign actually ended up beating Spock in the first game. Spock threw out caution and bet all of his candy in the next game. He narrowly ended up losing, this time, to Keenser.

“Ay! Are you cheating?” Scotty leaned in close to the Roylan. “I think I see cards up your sleeves.”

“Get off me.” Keenser mumbled, hopping down from his seat.

Scotty began to comically chase Keenser around the room. The competitive atmosphere faded as everyone began to eat their shares of candy instead of saving them to bet.

“When my mom taught me to play, she said you can tell someone’s bluffing if you look at their eyebrows to watch their expression.” Chekov placed his chin down on the table and looked to Spock. “But I think it only works for human eyebrows.”

“You still managed to beat me.” Spock pointed out.

“You didn’t let me win? Not even a little bit?”

“Why would I do that? I need to win the candy.”

For some reason, this made them laugh. Spock looked over to where Scotty had wrapped his arms around Keenser. Spock was unsure if Scotty was trying to hug him or hurt him. The only thing Keenser seemed to be hiding was extra candy in his pockets, which scattered all over the floor.

“Well, this was fun, but I gotta head out.” Sulu stood up and scooted his chair in.

“Seeing Betty again?” Chekov snickered.

“Maybe. I think she misses me.” Sulu looked to Spock. “Hey, do you think you could come with me? Just really quick.”

“…Alright.” Spock was unsure who Betty was or why he was being invited along, but he still found himself agreeing.

Spock followed him into the turbo lift, where they went up several decks. Spock then followed him down the corridor.  Due to having memorized the ship’s layout on his walks, Spock knew they were at the botanical gardens even before the doors opened.

“Fascinating.” Spock mumbled to himself as they stepped inside.

The garden was much fuller now than the last several times Spock had been here. He usually studied the alien foliage in the labs with Thelin. The following reports would keep his attention while the other scientists rehoused the plants in the garden.

Spock rarely thought to visit them, despite the Earthy smell of soil making his emotions twinge. Sulu began walking among the rows towards the back, and Spock followed him. His ears were pricked for the sounds of another person, but there was no signs of Betty.

“Yes…new seeds.” Sulu stopped by a large tree. Spock recognized its kind as an Orion native. The branches were covered in buds and Spock new it would blossom soon. Sulu gently placed his hands on the branches. “Looks nice, Betty.”

“This is Betty?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Sulu chuckled. “I just wanted to check her buds. I asked you here, though, because I wanted you to take a look at something else. “This.”

He turned and walked around to another section. Spock followed and his eyes immediately locked onto a shelf of pots and planters filled with familiar sand. The only one with a growth held a small cactus native to Vulcan.

“Familiar, yet fascinating.” Spock crouched down eye-level with it and felt content as he watched the grooves in the sand.

“It is really nice. I bought it from a trader who gave me these other planters too, but I’m worried about planting other Vulcan plants.”

“Why?” Spock knew the gardens were mostly for housing alien flora, but he had to admit that the plants of his home world were also enjoyable.

“This one’s supposed to have grown flowers on it, but it’s not. I can’t figure out what’s wrong. I was hoping you knew.”

“Hm…” Spock narrowed his eyes to contemplate as he recalled all that he knew of the most common Vulcan plant. “What is the watering schedule?”

“I’ve watered it once in two months.”

“Hm…” Spock looked up to the ceiling. “What is the lighting?”

“Oh, brightest at high noon. Dull at night on this side.”

“How dull.”

“Computer, night lights.” Sulu said. The lights dimmed, save for one of the fluorescent bulbs now giving off  a blue glow.

“That it the problem.” Spock pointed up. “This area is set for emulating Terran nights, but Vulcan has no moon. It needs complete darkness.”

“Oh. Why didn’t I think of that?” He chuckled.

“If you have never been to Vulcan before, then I can see how it was overlooked.” Spock stood up as Sulu picked up the cactus’ pot and carried it to another shelf with an overhanging roof that blocked the light. Spock carried over the other planters and tucked them inside.

“If you have no other Vulcan plants to grow at this time, might I suggest sunflowers. They grow very well in Vulcan soil.”

“Sunflowers? Like from Earth?”

“They may not seem exotic enough,” Spock started.

“No, they sound vibrant.” He smiled. “Sounds nice. Thank you for helping me.”

“Thank you for showing me the cactus.” Spock nodded.

For the next several weeks, Spock took Ko-elki to the gardens on their walks. It reminded him of the roof garden on the temple in Vulcan, but instead of making him feel as damaged and desperate as he had felt back then, Spock felt hopeful at what was to grow next.

He and Ko-elki stopped one evening to meditate by the Vulcan plants, and Spock felt a sense of pride as he observed the bright purple flowers growing on the cactus.

 

Chekov seemed to spend a lot of free time in engineering with Scotty, which means that Spock got to know him well, despite usually listening while he talked on and on about the many advantages and revolutionary things conceived in Russia. Spock never sure whether or not to correct his false facts, even when they greatly bothered him.

After working, they would all usually relax and play a game. Sulu always joined them, and Spock felt as if he now had more friends than he knew what to do with.

With Jim, it was easy. As they got older, Spock could read his subtle nuances for the most part. With these new humans, it was not that easy. Spock found they laughed when he didn’t mean to be funny. He knew this was a sign of teasing, but they never seemed to mock him either.

They did not mind when he lost himself in a long-winded scientific explanation, and they did not press him for too many details when he occasionally let the slightest emotion slip when he recounted a childhood memory on Vulcan. Perhaps that was because they knew Vulcans would never discuss their emotions, and Spock never let anything more than a sentence or two out.

And he never mentioned his past with humans. Until he did.

It had been several weeks since Spock played poker with his acquaintances. Spock had been spending all of his time in the labs leading the experiments. They were on their way to pick up an Andorain ambassador and Thelin believed it would be best if he prepared to spend his time with the ambassador once he arrived.

Spock understood. A chance to visit with another Andorian was rare, and Spock knew he would do the same if another Vulcan came on board. Still, this left Spock no time to do much other than work and sleep.

The ambassador arrived along with a few other officers who would be coming to work on the Enterprise. Perhaps it was an emotional thought, but Spock hoped Commander Mitchell would leave one day too. But he did not. Instead, it was just a select few transfers. They were all human, and Spock did not register anything about them other than their names and positions.

Until he met her, that is. Before her, officers in other areas all seemed to blend together and ignore him unless they needed him directly. From the moment he interacted, he knew she was different.

Spock was walking down the corridors one evening after combat training. He’d waited until late when the gym would be empty so that Ko-elki could come with him. She did not train with him, but seemed fascinated when she watched him stretch.

Afterwards, he changed back into his uniform and was just walking back to his quarters when he heard the captain’s voice along with an unfamiliar one up ahead.

“This isn’t too much to ask is it, Lieutenant? Normally you’d get a day or two to settle in before taking Alpha shift.” Pike said.

“Not at all, Captain.”

Spock paused around the corner as she answered. He did not want to intrude, but he also realized standing here like this would be considered eavesdropping if he was caught. He slowly craned his neck around the corner, feeling Ko-elki do the same around his ankles. She caught sight of Pike and dashed over, pressing herself against his leg.

“Did you get out again, Princess?”

“No, Captain, she is with me.” Spock stepped out from behind the corner.

His eyes locked onto the unfamiliar Lieutenant as her gaze travelled from the cat to Spock. She smiled at him. He showed nothing on his face as he felt the almost-forgotten sensation of attraction. She had dark skin and long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was wearing a red uniform despite the fact that Spock just heard she was put on Alpha shift, which was not for several hours.

“Ah, Spock, we were just talking about you.” Pike said. “This is Nyota Uhura. She’ll be our new communications officer working right by you on the bridge.”

“Nice to meet you.” Spock nodded at before quickly scooping up the cat and holding her close to his body.

“ _Nice to meet you as well.”_ Her Vulcan was flawless, without a trace of the usually Standard accent. Spock felt his heart speed up just slightly. _“I knew I wanted to transfer to be able to work with Captain Pike, but I was even more thrilled to meet a Vulcan it’s been so long since I’ve spoken with one.”_

_“I am quite impressed by your ability.”_ Spock switched to his native tongue. “ _I have never known a human so capable.”_

_“Oh, it took years of studying, as well as having to tap into my natural ability for language. You have a slightly different dialect than the one I learned. Can you really understand me all right?”_

_“Yes. Perfectly.”_

“You two aren’t talking about me, are you?” Pike chuckled.

“Of course not, Captain.” Spock said.

“Well, I have to go finish my work.” She nodded at them. “Captain. Spock, I look forward to seeing you on the bridge tomorrow.”

Spock felt strange until he went to bed that night. It took him approximately twenty minutes longer to fall asleep. Ko-elki seemed to have no issue, and slept against his side as she always did.

The next morning, Spock reported to the bridge to take Thelin’s place at the science station. He found the work fascinating, and no one even made a joke about Spock’s cat. He looked over at Nyota’s station and saw she was quite busy. For some reason, this disappointed him. A bit later, he looked over at her again and she caught his eye. She then smiled at him and he felt much better.

Spock’s new responsibilities were so fascinating. All of the science officers took his word as the final say in all of the experiments, and Spock found he was able to make the decisions without consulting Thelin, who was forever occupied with the Ambassador’s company.

Despite all of this, Spock was still surprised when Pike promoted Spock to the Chief Science Officer. Spock was also conflicted to see Thelin go when they got to Andoria.

“I am sure the Ambassador is grateful that you are going with him.” Spock said on the morning Thelin was to beam down to his home world.

“He is, and I’m proud the captain chose you to finish the work here. I am proud I ever got to work with you.” Thelin said. Strangely, Thelin and the Ambassador joined hands as Scotty beamed them down.

“How do you feel ?” Nyota asked as Spock found her in the corridor outside the transport room.

“I feel nothing, but I have many thoughts about all of the situations. To which are you referring?”

“I was asking about Thelin leaving. I was wondering if you were sad, but I realize that’s a foolish thing to ask a Vulcan.”

“No it isn’t. Emotion is what drives humans. It makes sense that that is the first thing you would think to ask. To answer; no. I am not sad that Thelin is gone. He was a very intelligent Andorian, but I found his company was not very enjoyable.”

“Really?” She blinked in surprise. “Why?”

“He seemed very condescending towards the other scientists due to the fact they were human. I often wonder if he admired me just because I was not a human. He was a fool to not see humans for what they are.”

“And what are they?” She asked.

“Fascinating.” Spock answered. “Humans are simply the most fascinating species I have ever known.”

She laughed, and Spock assumed this was in appreciation of his honestly. She then reached out and place her hand on his wrist for just a second. The contact of another’s skin against his own was enough to rattle his stoicism.

“I must go finish my work now.” He turned and quickly started down the hall, leaving her alone.

He could not focus on his work, however, not even when reading the fascinating last reports from Thelin. He found himself wandering down to engineering where Scotty and Keenser were taking a break from their own work.

“Do you have room for my company?” He asked.

“Always.” Scotty set up the table and chairs.

Spock sat down, suppressing a sigh. He did not know what to say. He was not even sure it was smart to come down here. They sat down and Scotty poured a bag of candy onto the table and slid Spock a share.

“When a human touches your hand, this is meant to be interpreted romantically. Is that correct?” Spock asked, eating one of the candies. He was surprised to find this time it was chocolate rather than fruit flavored.

“Well, yes.” Scotty chuckled. “Usually. Who’s touching your hand?”

“Technically Nyota touched my wrist, not my hand.” Spock said.

“Ay...these are not Skittles.” Keenser grumbled.

“Hush. They’re the same thing.” Scotty snapped before looking back to Spock.  “You’re lucky, then. She’s so pretty.” Keenser grumbled again, but Scotty ignored him.

“I do not see it that way. I am inconvenienced. I am going to have to take time out of my day to tell her that I am not interested.”

“Are you mad?” Scotty slammed his hands down on the table. “What’s not to be interested in!? She’s smart and beautiful. She’s perfect.”

Keenser emitted a low growl, his hands gripping the edge of the table. Spock sighed, letting his guard down enough to pop more chocolate into his mouth. He was silent for a while, feeling the candy’s effects as he articulated his thoughts.

“You do not understand. It is not that simple. Not for Vulcans. Not for…me.”

“You don’t wanna date a human, then?” Scotty didn’t seem offended by the notion, not the way Spock was.

“That is not it at all.” Spock said firmly. He could feel the cocoa coursing through his system like an alcoholic shot. He got to his feet, his chair nearly falling to the floor behind him. “If you think I hold anything akin to prejudice towards humans, than perhaps we are not as good of friends as I previously thought.”

“Whoa…Spock, calm down. Are you okay?” Scotty’s voice was soft, and he was looking up at Spock with an unfamiliar level of compassion.

“No.” Spock said, trying to reel in his emotions and keep his voice rigid. “I should not have eaten any candy. I must go finish my work.”

Spock managed to walk a straight line as he stepped back out into the corridor. Walking under the bright florescent lights did little for his problem or his sobriety. He knew he needed to meditate, but a soft tinkling sound caught his attention.

“What are you doing out of the room? Are you trying to get me in trouble?” He bent down and Ko-elki rubbed her face against his hand. He softened. “Are you trying to make me feel better?”

He stood up and turned to look out the large view port. She sat beside him and they stared out at the dark expanse of space. Spock sighed.

“These problems were supposed to be nonexistent. That is why I wanted to be betrothed, so I would never have to endure the confusing emotions around courting.” Spock pushed up his left sleeve and let his fingers trace over the four stars on his forearm. He looked at Ko-elki and she yawned, showing off her sharp teeth. Spock looked back out the view port.

“Betrothal was supposed to save me from this. I even still consider myself betrothed to him, even though I will never see him again. Is that just what I should tell Nyota?” He looked down at her. She blinked at him.

“I must end this, but I am not good with emotions. The truth and honesty are very important, but can I just tell her _I cannot be in a romantic relationship with you because I am still in love with another human –“_

Spock stopped when he heard footsteps behind him, a small gasp escaping him. The reflection was too short to show in the glass of the viewport. Spock felt a slight blush on his cheeks as he turned to see Keenser standing a few feet away.

They stared at each other for a long moment before Keenser offered out what he was holding. A moment later, Spock recognized it as his PADD. 

“You forgot this.” Keenser said.

“Oh. Thank you.” Spock took it from him and clutched it to his chest, realizing his sleeve was still up, exposing his tattoo.

There was another awkward beat of silence before Keenser turned to go back to engineering. Spock turned and started back to his own room at a fast speed, hearing the soft bell on Ko-elki’s collar behind him as she followed.

Spock was unsure how much Keenser heard and how much would be shared with Scotty, but Spock decided to save himself that stress by avoiding engineering for the next several weeks. His work was much more important anyways.

As weeks passed, Spock made fascinating discoveries in his work, but working and meditating was all he did. He overheard his friends discussing how much fun they were having after work, but he also heard Sulu inviting Nyota, deterring Spock from going when she was there.

He knew avoiding them was not a long-term solution. He needed to be honest with her. As much as he was never prepared to have another conversation about romance, he needed to do it for her sake. He did not want to hurt her.

Spock waited outside engineering the next evening  until he was sure their game would be winding down. Many of the other officers in red walked around him in pairs, laughing as they were obviously relieved to be done with work.

Spock stepped back against the wall as Sulu and Chekov passed. They were sharing a bag of chocolate candy and did not seem to notice him. Spock stepped towards the door as it opened, almost colliding with someone who was coming out.

“Excuse me.” Spock stepped back from Nyota.

“Hello, Spock.” She smiled. “We missed you lately, but I’m sure you were busy.”

“Yes. But my work is done for now. I was looking for you. I need to speak with you.” Spock stood rigid, his hands behind his back.

“Oh, alright then.” She followed him as he started back down the hall.

He was unsure where to go. Such a conversation could not be had somewhere where they could be overheard. He did not want anyone to see her cry, if she happened to do that. Would she cry? What would Spock do then?

He found himself steering towards  his own quarters. Perhaps he just wanted to be somewhere comfortable and warm –and his quarters was quite warm.

“Wow.” She followed him inside, her eyes travelling along the shelves full of Vulcan artifacts as well as interesting rocks Spock had acquired on various planets. “Oh, hello again.”

Ko-elki padded over, surveying Nyota with narrowed eyes. Spock watched as she sniffed the bottoms of her boots before decided she was alright. Nyota bent down to stroke her head before glancing up.

“Do you play?”

Spock followed her gaze towards his lute, which had been on a shelf collecting dust for many months. Spock nodded.

“I did in the past. I have not had a chance recently.” Spock took it down from the shelf and held it. “I have not had an audience other than my cat.”

“What about your friends?” She asked.

“My acquaintances admire my intellect and company, but I am sure they would not want to hear me play music.”

“Sure they would! Well, I would.” She sat down on the chair by the desk and rested her chin in her hands. She looked at him with an expectant smile on her face.

Spock sat down on the edge of the bed. This was not what this conversation was supposed to be about, yet his found himself playing a few warm up scales.

“So, do you like Ravanok?” She asked. She seemed proud of such a question.

“As the most celebrated Vulcan musician, I can understand why you would assume such a thing. I suppose I enjoy some of his songs for the technical ability, but he is not my favorite.”

“Really? Well, what is your favorite?”

Spock did not even have to think about. Despite not playing for a while, muscle memory took over and Spock was able to effortlessly play the same song Jim always played for him. It was the same one Spock _still_ had a recording of on his music player, which was somewhere in his room.

“That’s Vulcan?” She asked, opening her eyes when he finished.

“No. That is Terran. I find their use of metaphor and symbolism in lyrics fascinating.” Spock put the lute back on the shelf.

“Well, maybe next time you can sing for me.” She moved to sit on the bed. He would be right beside her if he sat back down. He remained standing.

“I only enjoy singing for one person.” He did not need to be an expert on emotion to understand she wanted to be closer to him. He had to put a stop to it. “I must tell you, there is a reason I wanted to speak with you.”

“Yes? What is it?” She looked up at him expectantly. It reminded him of the same way T’Pring used to look at their martial arts teacher.

“After assessing our interactions for the past six point two weeks, I have come to the conclusion that you have romantic feelings for me. I must tell you that I cannot return these feelings.”

“Oh.” She grew quiet, her eyes stared down at her hands that were clasped in her lap. Spock waited for her to cry, but she did not. “Okay. I understand. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“You are not sad?”

“A little, I guess.” She stood up, angling her body away from him. “But I knew this was a possibility. I guess I was more prepared for it than I realized.”

“But you are not crying.” He narrowed his eyes slightly.

“What, you think women cry all the time?” She let out a dry chuckle.

“Not women specifically. I have found humans to be very open with their emotions.” Spock said.

“Well, I’m not going to cry.” She said. “Like I said, I knew it was a possibility. You have someone else, don’t you?”

“How did you know that?” He felt his heart rate increase just slight.

“When I was studying Vulcan language, I learned a lot about the culture as well. I learned you are usually betrothed as children. In time, that practice isn’t as prevalent, but it’s still done usually in high society families…and you speak with the high society dialect.”

“I see.” Spock was relieved it was over. That should have been the end, but he suddenly felt like saying more. It was not as he wanted to justify his rejecting her, but more that he had not spoke of his betrothal to anyone other than his cat in a very long time. He longed for the understanding of a human. “I am grateful that you understand. My intended is very important to me.”

“She must be a very special Vulcan.” Nyota sighed.

“He is.” Spock nodded. “He is a very special human.”

 

 

Nyota seemed more understanding of Spock’s situation after that. Spock was grateful she didn’t take the rejection to mean he didn’t want to be friends. He still enjoyed talking to her after work and occasionally playing the lute for her.

He even went back to playing poker with the others, though winning was not as enjoyable when he won chocolate candies instead of fruit flavored ones. He was always afraid to eat them as having anything akin to alcohol in your system while on duty was against regulations. Spock was also afraid he would slip up and say something more.

When shore leave came, they visited Yorktown, one of the biggest stations in the galaxy. The sleek glass and metal of the buildings perfectly reflected the dark expanse of space and stars surrounding them. The constant temperature and atmosphere was perfectly comfortable for humans. Naturally, this meant Spock was slightly chilly.

Wearing a scarf and cloak over his robes, Spock took in the many sights of the station. There was a science museum that fascinated Spock, but he somehow got roped into visiting a bar with the others.

“Who’s up for pool?” Sulu asked as they approached the establishment.

“I am too cold to swim.” Spock said. He did not react when everyone laughed, even though he didn’t understand what was funny.

“Uh…six.” Sulu nodded at the bartended after counting Spock and the others. He then led them to a table.

Spock recognized the game of  billiards as he approached the table. Sulu began setting the balls up, and Scotty began putting chalk on the end of one of the cues.

“You play?” Sulu asked Spock.

“I never have.” Spock confessed.

“It’s really easy. We’ll show you.”

“As a former champ back in Scotland, I challenge anyone who thinks they can beat me.” Scotty laughed as Spock began watching them play. It seemed very simple, and though he could not deny Scotty’s skill, he had a feeling he could beat him or at least come very close.

The server came and gave them a pink bottled drink. Since they were on leave, Spock decided it was alright to drink it. Spock gave his a small taste and found he enjoyed it, unlike beer. His metabolism was fast, meaning he was only feeling the effects after he was somehow convinced to have his third.

Billiards was quite easy for Spock, who was able to calculate the balls’ trajectory with ease. He did end up beating Scotty just slightly. He was grateful Scotty was not very upset at losing. He and Keenser found their own table to keep drinking while Sulu stepped up to play against Spock.

“Hey…” Sulu chuckled and elbowed Spock in the ribs. “I think the kid’s slammed.”

Spock looked to where Chekov was slumped low in a chair at a nearby table. Spock felt a slight spike of worry, but as he stepped forward, he felt the room spin around him. He gasped and clutched the side of the billiards table.

“I think you’re slammed too.” Sulu’s voice sounded very far away.

“Leave him alone.” Nyota’s sounded distant as well.

“I thought most aliens couldn’t get drunk on alcohol.” Sulu chuckled. “Keenser seems to be doing fine.”

Spock stood up straight and sighed. His stomach felt queasy. This was much worse than the effects of chocolate. He could not recall how he’d been coerced into drinking four bottles.

“I need to go back to my hotel room.” He took a shaky step as he wondered how he was supposed to get back there when he could not walk.

“Hey.” A nearby strange voice. “Slow down, man. We’re supposed to go all night.”

“Leave me alone.” The second voice was barely audible.

“What? You wanna get trashed all week? It might be fun for you, but who’s holding your head out of the toilet for the next three days!?”

“Guys, let’s move to the back.” Sulu’s voice came from somewhere. Spock tried to follow as the blurry humans began shoving each other.

“Leave me alone!” The second voice was adamant.

“Fine! Drink your life away! Never mind that you’re failing class back home! All that matters is that you get a drink.”

“Shut the fuck up! You don’t understand anything! You weren’t there!”

“Tarsus was like five years ago!”

Nyota gasped and Sulu stepped back, dragging Chekov by the elbow. Spock wanted to follow, but suddenly could not move. His sensed seemed sharply honed onto the strangers’ conversation, despite his intoxication.

“Are you saying get over it!?”

“Maybe! Maybe get the fuck over –“

Spock moved quickly, his superior Vulcan senses purging intoxication long enough for him to turn towards their table and lift the stranger by the throat. Spock felt their weight on his arm as he lifted them completely off the floor. Spock’s hand crushed around their throat and they sputtered, their hands pulling at Spock’s fingers.

Rage coursed through his body. He was barely aware of the screaming around him. Someone touched him, grabbing his shoulder from behind and shaking it.

“Spock, stop! Put him down!” Nyota screamed.

“Spock!” Sulu shook him by the shoulder.

Spock let his grip uncurl from the stranger’s throat as he felt the others pulling him back. As soon as the stranger found his footing, he cocked his fist back and punched Spock in the face. He felt blood well up in his mouth as he hit the floor.

His next thought was that he should have gone to the museum as he opened his eyes and found himself in a tiny cell. He went to the front and nervously wrapped his hands around the bars.

“Ready to behave now?” Scotty approached from the other side.

“What happened?” Spock asked, wincing at the pain in his jaw.

“Apparently you’re a mean drunk. You got a little overly familiar with someone and they knocked you out. Then the bouncer said it was policy to kick us all out. The others weren’t too happy about that.” He chuckled. “Then the authorities showed up and said they had to take you in. But don’t worry, the sheriff said you could leave when you woke up.”

“I…” Spock touched his sore face and sighed. “Where are the others?”

“Eh, they decided to continue the party back at the hotel, but they didn’t feel much like drinking anymore. I think they all went to bed. I’m not too sure. I followed the car when they brought you in. Just been waiting in the lobby for you to wake up.”

“Why would you do that for me?” Spock dropped his hands from the bars and put them behind his back.

“Well, someone had to watch out for you. And it was the captain’s orders for me to be nice to you.”

“That was on my first day on the ship. Have you been nice to me this entire time because of it?”

“Nah.” He laughed. “Somewhere along the way, I decided I liked ya. Now, come on, they’ll let you out now. You’re just banned from visiting that bar again for a whole year.”

 “How upsetting.” Spock sighed. He stepped back as the sheriff came forward and unlocked the cell. He opened the door and Spock followed Scotty out. “What will the captain say when he finds out I now have a criminal record?” He imagined his rank and position being stripped.

“Don’t worry so much.” Scotty said. “What happens on shore leave stays on leave. Like a secret.”

Spock was unsure if he believed that, but he suppressed his anxiety about the upcoming Monday as they walked down the suspended space-streets towards the hotel that most of the crew was staying at.

“You wanna talk about it?” Scotty asked. “About why you got so angry? Doesn’t seem like you’re the type to just fly off the handle after a few drinks just cuz a guy looks at ya funny.”

Spock was silent for a moment. Vulcans did not talk about their feelings, and Spock was still unsure if telling Nyota about his betrothal had been a wise decision. He didn’t tell her Jim’s name or anything about him, but the fact that it was out there made him vulnerable. But perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing.

He could just blame his loss of logic on the alcohol –the effects of which he could still feel somewhat in his walk as they approached the building –but Spock was not a liar, and Scotty had been kind to him all this time.

“The bar patrons were being quite loud.” Spock mumbled, stopping before the front doors of the hotel. Outside was quiet and they were alone. He did not want to be overheard as he recounted their conversation and the events of Spock’s outburst aloud. He didn’t look up until he was finished, ending with waking up and finding himself with a criminal record.

Scotty was quiet, seemingly lost in thought as he leaned back against the building. He finally raised his eyebrows as if struck by a sudden realization.

“You were there, weren’t you? On Tarsus when it all happened? That’s why it got to you.”

“Not me.” Spock turned away. “Someone I loved. He was never the same. After it happened, we could not be together anymore. He was too sick. Even though I feel as if we will never be together again, I cannot help but be loyal to what we promised each other. That was why I turned Nyota down.  I am usually much more in control of my emotions, but I suppose hearing someone speak of it after all of that time…”

For the past few years, Spock had tried so hard to forge his own destiny independent of Jim. If something could still make him lose control, it just proved to him that he would always hold those feelings for his T’hy’la, no matter what. He just needed to control those feelings better.

“I thought you knew…Mr. Keenser overheard me once, and due to the nature of your relationship, I assume he told you what he heard.”

“Him? He doesn’t tell me a thing!” Scotty laughed. “And I promise not to tell anyone else. It’s no one else’s business, right?”

“Yes. I must go meditate.” Spock said as they entered the building and started towards the elevator. “Thank you for staying with me.”

“Anytime.”

The elevator stopped on Scotty’s floor. Spock watched him go down the hall to his room. The door opened and Keenser stepped out and hugged Scotty around the legs before the elevator closed again. Spock rode up to his own floor alone.

In his hotel room, Spock examined his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were slightly green from inflamed blood vessels. His jaw was slightly swollen and it hurt to move. Other than that, he felt…well, bad. Yes, talking with Scotty had helped, but what he did was still wrong. He lost control over something that even reminded him of what Jim went through…why Jim left him.

Instead of sleeping, Spock sat down on the floor to meditate. Ko-elki trotted over and curled up in his lap. He closed his eyes and focused on her breathing and his own. He reached a peaceful place.

When Monday came, no one said anything to Spock about what had happened. His face had healed and he was back in the crispness of his uniform and logic. Captain Pike asked Spock if he had fun on shore leave and Spock took a moment to respond.

“Being away from work was…difficult.” He finally said. “I am glad to be back.”

On the bridge, Nyota gave Spock a smile and a wave, but did not approach him. Spock was glad not to have to do much else than nod respectfully in her direction.

“Feeling better?” Sulu asked Spock as they passed one another after his shift. He was just on his way to eat lunch in his room.

“Yes. Thank you.” Spock waited for him to say more, but he did not.

If they spent time together after work, Spock did not know. He stuck to working on his experiments. It was not that he was embarrassed to face them after what had happened, but he’d realized he always needed several days to himself after one evening with them.

Despite this, he was glad to get a chance to spend professional time with them when Pike asked Spock to take them with him when they all beamed down to the planet for their next mission.

“Do you think we can take any cool plants back with us?” Sulu asked as Spock got a tricorder and some specimen containers.

“As long as we are not disturbing the environment.” Spock nodded, thinking like a proper science officer.

Pike stood by them as they all beamed down. Spock immediately felt a buzz of contained excitement as they observed the flora in the area.

“Whoa, the grass is blue. The leaves too!” Chekov pointed at a nearby tree.

“Fascinating.” Spock held up the tricorder to scan.

“Quartz, just like on earth.” Nyota held up a crystal stone from the rocky path they travelled on.

“Approximately seven on the Mohs scale.” Spock said after scanning it. Nyota smiled and put the stone in her pocket.

“Where are all the aliens?” Chekov asked. Spock raised an eyebrow and looked to Pike, who chuckled.

“The intelligent life here lives peacefully with the nature. I don’t think they’re ready to talk with us yet. We don’t want to scare them.” Pike said.

“Captain, I thought you said they were warp capable?” Nyota said.

“We did sense their signal, but I don’t think they’re building ships. I think they’re using the technology to better their own society first. Let’s get these samples and get them back to the labs.”

“Yes, Sir.” Spock was eager to catalog them all for the data files on this planet.

Sulu paused by a bush of curious looking yellow blooms. Spock carefully extracted one and put it in the specimen container. At a stream, Spock scanned the water and collected a sample that may contain microscopic life.

“Here.” Nyota took the rock out of her pocket and placed it in Spock’s hand with a smile. Spock smiled back and put it in the last container.

“Hm. We better leave now.” Pike held a hand up to shade his eyes and gazed ahead. Spock stood up and looked over, but did not see anything. “I just have a bad feeling. We don’t want trouble. We –“

Spock stepped backwards and heard a noise as his foot treaded over soft soil. Spock recognized the clicking sound of an explosive a millisecond later.

Pike heard the landmines too, and rushed towards Spock. He grabbed Spock around the waist and pulled him down, shielding Spock’s body with his own as the ground exploded.

Spock opened his eyes and sat up. He was in med bay. His heart rate sped up as he assessed himself. He felt fine. That was not good.

“Mr. Spock, you’re awake. Don’t worry you –“

“Where is the captain?” Spock asked urgently as Dr. Piper approached his bed.

“He’s resting. As for your condition –“

“I am unharmed.” Spock got up.

“Yes.” Dr. Piper looked down at his PADD.

“The captain protected me. Where is he? I must see him.” Spock surveyed the room. All of the beds were empty save for one with the privacy curtain pulled up. Spock started towards it.

“Wait.” Dr. Piper held out his arm. “I need to ask if he’s okay to see you.”

Spock waited, feeling his heartbeat pound as the doctor went to Pike’s bed. He could hear them whispering, and strained his hearing. The curtain pulled back and Dr. Piper shook his head.

“No, I think he –“ Spock rudely pushed him aside and stepped up to the bed.

Captain Pike looked even more aged with tubes and wires coming from his body. His arms were covered in IVs, quite primitive compared to modern medicine. Spock felt a spike of fear but suppressed it for logic.

“Captain…your condition is serious.”

“Yeah.” He sighed and attempted a smile. His hair looked even greyer, and his face even more lined. Spock narrowed his eyes.

“What is the nature of your injuries? How serious are they? What medications are you on?”

“Don’t worry about that, Spock.” He chuckled, slightly lifting a hand. “Are you okay?”

“I was uninjured. Why did you feel the need to protect me? I am stronger and younger. I should have faced the explosion. I was the one who stepped on the landmine.”

“Spock –“

“You did not have to do this for me.”

“But I did!” He raised his voice. “I didn’t even think about it. It was just a reaction. I would have done it for any of you. Don’t take it personally.” He managed a small smile again, and Spock breathed, feeling his upset emotions fading.

“How are you?” Spock asked, his voice serious.

“I don’t know.” Pike admitted. “I need to rest more. You can come back tomorrow. Go see the others, I think they saved your samples.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Spock stepped out into the corridor and found the others were waiting. Chekov was sitting on the floor by Sulu’s feet, and Spock suddenly wondered how long they’d been there.

“Spock, are you okay?” Nyota stepped towards him. “Dr. Piper told us you were awake.”

“I am fine.” Spock said.

“How the captain?” Sulu asked.

“He is injured. I believe it is serious. He would not tell me the details. This is my fault.”

“Spock, don’t say that.” Nyota placed a hand on his shoulder and he did not pull away. “It’s not your fault. These sort of accidents happen.”

“I was this close to stepping on one.” Sulu said. “But I told everyone to stay still and got Scotty to beam us out. It could have been any one of us.”

“Yes, and if he hadn’t of saved you, you could have died.” Chekov added.

Spock wanted to say that that would have been preferred, but he knew the emotional outbursts he would hear if he said such a thing. And it was not even true. He did not want to die, and he knew he would have done the same if their roles were reversed. He was just letting his emotions get to him.

Spock went to the labs for a while and found the specimen containers waiting on his desk. He let a small smile cross his features as he got to work on reporting everything for the planet’s file. Working meant he did not feel bad. He did not feel hunger or thirst either, and when he looked up, he realized it had been several hours.

He ate something small before going back to medbay. This time Dr. Piper was waiting for Spock. Spock was weighing the outcomes of apologizing for shoving him or doing it again when he held up a hand.

“Mr. Spock, I need to talk to you.” He said.

“The captain needs –“

“The captain asked me to talk to you. He wanted me to tell about his condition.”

“Yes.” Spock felt a sense of relief. “Please, go on.”

“Here.” He handed Spock a PADD containing the medical files. “Now, as you look that over, I just want to explain that the minor injuries will heal in time. The major ones are uncertain, as we –“

“Deadening of nerves…” Spock mumbled as he read the text. “Is this true? Is this accurate? This cannot be correct. Look at him again.”

“We already –“

“This is false.”

“Mr. Spock –“

“He cannot be paralyzed!” Spock clenched the PADD hard in his hands. His whole body was trembling, and he could feel his blood pounding in his ears.

“I’m afraid it’s so. We don’t know how permanent this is. Luckily, we can do a lot more for it now than we could years ago. But he’s going to have to leave the ship. He’s in no shape to command, and physical therapy is going to need reliable gravity.”

Spock was only half listening. The logical part of his brain was cataloging this information. The emotional human part was blaming himself over and over again. He tried to purge this emotion as he approached Pike’s bed and pushed aside the curtain.

“Captain. How are you?” Spock asked monotonously. His mind replayed every moment in the past that Spock had gone easy on Pike during training. Yes, he knew Pike was older, but he never thought him weak or helpless until now.

“I’m okay, Spock. I’m excited to see my wife again. When we get back to Earth, she’s waiting for me. I’ll be able to spend much more time with her from my new position.”

“Position?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Admiral.” He smiled. “They’ve been pushing that one on me for so long, but I never wanted to accept. I guess I just got so comfortable here in command.”

“And now you must retire because of me.” Spock said.

“No. Because of a lot of things. Recently, I realized I missed her more than usual. I missed Earth. Maybe I am just getting older.”

“You are.” Spock said. “As am I. As we all are.”

“Right.” He chuckled. “I’ve been thinking about taking the job and giving it all up, but I was never quite sure. I think because I had to know I’d be leaving the ship in good hands.”

“Are you sure of that now?”

“Maybe.” Pike leaned back as Dr. Piper came over. He pressed the screen that administered the captain’s medicine and Pike groaned. “Spock, come back tomorrow. I’ll be up and rolling then. I need to talk to you about something. Don’t worry, it’s good news for you.”

Spock nodded before leaving. He still did not feel alright, despite Pike’s assurance. He needed to meditate, but found himself walking towards engineering. A few calls from Scotty, and the others joined them for an impromptu game of cards. Really, Sulu just shuffled as they talked.

“Paralyzed.” Chekov whispered after Spock told them everything. “That’s awful.”

“It’s not a death sentence.” Nyota was adamant. “MY uncle Radheem was paralyzed from the waist down when I was a kid. He’s living a perfectly fine life.”

“Fine, maybe. But what about Pike’s career. What about the ship?” Sulu sighed.

“The captain is moving to an admiral position back in San Francisco.” Spock said. “He seemed alright with that, but he wants the ship to be properly manned. He is going to tell me more tomorrow.”

“Oh, god.” Sulu groaned. “This means we’re gonna get Mitchell for captain.”

“I hate that guy.” Chekov said. “He called me a baby.”

“Eh, I don’t think we are.” Scotty said. Spock then realized how uncharacteristically quiet he’d been being up until that point. It was as if he’d been silently observing the conversation and everyone’s opinion. Spock looked to him and where Keenser was sitting in Scotty’s lap, eating everyone’s candy.

“Elaborate.” Spock narrowed his eyes.

“You said he wanted to talk to you tomorrow as soon as he could, right? He obviously wants to make changes to ensure the future of the ship. I think he’s gonna pick someone else to step up to captain. Someone like you.” Scotty nodded in Spock’s direction.

He felt everyone’s eyes turn to him as a soft verdant stained his cheeks. It only took him a second to decide how he felt about that.

“No.”

“Yes. I think Scotty’s right.” Nyota smiled. “Pike does seem to trust you more than anyone.”

“No.” Spock shook his head. “I cannot be a captain.

“Why not?” Sulu asked.

“You don’t know how?” Chekov asked. “Or you just don’t want to?”

“I –“ Spock was sure that he knew how. His logic would help him make difficult decisions and his superior intellect would help him act fast and stay calm in stress. It was not that he didn’t know how. “I do not want to. I am much more content just leading the science team. I suppose I prefer taking orders from someone else.”

“If you turn Pike down, then we will get Mitchell.” Sulu sighed. “But, no hard feelings, Spock. I’d rather have a captain who wants to be there, I guess.”

“You mean rather than someone just doing it to boss people around?” Chekov grumbled.

“Mitchell isn’t _that_ bad.” Nyota started.

They all began chattering on about their personal opinions on the matter. Meanwhile, Spock could not stop thinking about Scotty said. Did Pike really want Spock to take his place? When Spock declined, everyone was going to be so disappointed. He did not want to upset anyone, but what did _he_ want?

He went back to his room and found he could not work. His mind was too full. He could not sleep either. He sat on the floor and tried to meditate. Ko-elki sat on his lap and purred. He stroked her fur and thought.

What would his family say if he asked their opinions? He could imagine Sarek saying Spock was smart and logical and would make a good captain. Amanda would definitely agree, but tell Spock he should not take the job if he did not really want it? What would his sister say?

Spock found himself reaching for his PADD. He hovered over her number but instead found himself calling that of his best Vulcan friend. T’Pring picked up after several rings.

“Spock? I am pleased to hear from you. It has been fourteen months since our last video call.” She seemed to be in her office at the Science Academy, where Spock knew she had been teaching for the past couple of years.

“I apologize for not keeping in touch.” Spock said. “I have been very busy on the ship.”

“I heard you were promoted to Chief Science Officer. Congratulations. Do you find this extra work satisfying?”

“I do. But now I have been faced with a problem in which I need extra logic to come to a conclusion. May I have your opinion?”

“Of course.” She gave him the smallest smile. “I am pleased you thought of me for this.”

Spock told her about Pike’s injury and the guilt he felt surrounding it, as well as Pike wanting him to take his place and who would take it if Spock refused.

“This man, Mitchell, he is incompetent?” T’Pring asked.

“I am not sure. He is very rude and unprofessional, but I am sure he could do the work. He just does not seem to be able to hold together a crew with the compassion these humans need.”

“Spock, you must do what is logical. If taking the captain’s place means the ship continues to function, while Mitchell taking it means it does not, then you have to take it. You should not be worried. You will make a very good captain.”

“Perhaps you are right.” Spock suppressed a sigh. “I will take it, and I will try my best.”

“Good.” She nodded. “I must go now. There is a colleague of mine that I am very taken with. This will be our third outing together, but he still has not asked me to bond with him. If he does not hurry up, I will just have to do it myself.”

There was a slight sting in hearing her speak of a romantic relationship, but Spock pushed that aside in favor of being happy for her. He knew how ostracized she’d often felt as an unbonded woman. He had to wish her the best.

“Good luck.” He held up the ta’al.

“Live long and prosper.” She returned the salute.

Spock hung up and continued to meditate for a bit. Afterwards, he laid in bed for a while. He could not really fall asleep, but instead seemed to meditate all night with his mind in a semi-conscious state, as he was still nervous about the next morning.

As soon as his alarm went off and he knew Pike was awake, Spock got dressed and prepared to go to the meeting. He was just going to hurry up and accept the position before he could change his mind. He would then go right to the bridge for work.

In medbay, Spock walked in to see Dr. Piper talking with Pike. Pike was up and in a wheelchair just like he’d said he’d be, but Spock found he was not very prepared to see this. Seeing him like this reminded Spock of the last time he’d seen Jim. Part of him wanted to turn and run, but he did not.

“Spock, have a seat.” Pike had one of the doctor’s desks turned into a makeshift work station. Spock realized he forgot to bring a PADD in case Pike needed to send him files. How unprofessional for a captain. Spock silently sat down on the other side of the desk. “Now, you’re probably not sure why I asked you here today…”

“No. I know why, and I accept. I realize I must take your place at captain to ensure that Mitchell does now. Do you have the form for me to sign?”

“Whoa, slow down, Spock.” He chuckled. “That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say.”

“It is not? So, you do want Mitchell to take your place?”

“No, I don’t. I want _you_ to take _his_ place.” Pike smiled.

“Me?” Spock blinked. “You want me?”

“Yes. To be my First Officer. You’ll be under me in the few days it takes me to pick my replacement, and then you’re theirs.”

“But what about Mitchell?” Spock asked.

“He’ll be leaving. I can’t exactly ignore all the complaints I’ve gotten about him –I swear I never expected him to be that way. But It’s definitely evident that he can’t stay here. I don’t think he even wants to. Here—“

He placed down the PADD in front of him. It was the promotion paperwork. Spock’s heart leapt at the sight. He picked up the stylus.

“Are you disappointed? Did you _want_ to be captain? Because you’ve always struck me as more of the type that wanted to follow orders.”

“That is precisely correct. I would be much more content as First Officer, and I will serve you as best that I can.” Spock signed his name in his usual plain style without any flourish.

“For the next few days, that is.”

“May I ask about the person replacing you? What are their credentials?”

“I don’t know yet.” He took the PADD back. “I haven’t chosen them yet. I have a lot of applications to look over, though.”

“I could help you.” Spock said.

“No, but you can help me with something else.”

“Anything.”

Spock left medbay with a lot of paperwork in his emails. He always thought of Pike as someone who was very organized and did paperwork every night. Was this just what accumulated over the past two days?

Spock stayed in his room and worked without a break until it was done. Hours later, he sipped replicated tea and watched the Earth grow larger beneath them as they docked back home.

On the day before the new captain’s arrival, he then moved all of his things a deck above to the first officer’s quarters, adjacent to the captain’s.

“Congratulations.” Nyota stood in the doorway and watched Spock arrange the items on the shelf. “I knew you’d get some sort of promotion. Pike always spoke so highly of you.”

“Thank you.” Spock put Ko-elki’s dish down in front of the pet food replicator. “I am just wondering what the new captain will think of me.”

“It’s not someone you know?” She asked.

“I do not know who it is. The captain was indecisive the last I spoke to him. Apparently, there are many qualified applicants.”

“I’ll bet. But whoever it is will love your professionalism, at least.” She looked to the stack of PADDs on his desk.

Spock was privately unsure if he and the new captain would get along in other ways. Spock would take the load off of their paperwork and always offer his opinion, but would they be friends? Spock thought of the notes he’d written about Scotty and the others when he first got to know them. Did he even have enough time for another friend?

“We’re gonna split some pizza down in engineering before seeing Pike off. You want some?” She asked.

“No, thank you.” He felt like being alone for now.

When she was gone and he finished putting away his things, Spock found he was restless. He paced his new larger quarters. He considered visiting Pike, but he knew he and Piper were still getting things ready for his departure.

The doctor would be leaving with Pike to help with him with his physical therapy. In less than twenty-four hours the new captain would be bringing a new Chief Medical Officer with him when he arrived. Everything was changing so fast, but Spock was lucky he had a Vulcan’s ability to cope with it.

“Who will this new person be?” Spock asked Ko-elki as he sat on his slightly larger bed. She jumped up beside him and closed her eyes. “I cannot force myself to be loyal to just anyone just because they have the title. Pike risked his life for me. He has always tried to make sure I have a home here, but without him…do I?”

He thought of his home planet. He could always go back there, couldn’t he? He enjoyed the heat and the centers of constant scientific discovery. He could get his own house and plant sunflowers and raise hoards and hoards of cats.

No. This was his destiny. He controlled his own destiny, not Pike or Jim or anyone else.  He could do this. He wanted to. He would succeed. He slipped into peaceful meditative state and found it was the brightest gold he’d seen in years.

That evening, Spock said goodbye to Pike. He even allowed the now-admiral to shake his hand. He quietly slipped away a moment later to wash his hands afterwards, but still. He was lucky Pike could not try to hug him.

“Don’t look so glum, everyone, okay?” Pike said. “I’m moving on to a good job, and you’re going to get someone really…nice to fill my chair.”

“Oh, who is it?” Nyota asked excitedly.

“You’ll see tomorrow.” Pike grinned and glanced in Spock’s direction.

Spock wondered if that was directed at him because of the guilt he still felt over Pike’s condition. He then decided to simply try harder to purge those negative emotions and  make it up to Pike by serving the new captain with the best of his ability.

The next morning, Spock followed his ordinary routine, as he woke up hours before the new captain was set to arrive. He showered in the bathroom he would be sharing with the new captain and glanced towards their door. He felt uncharacteristically excited, though he was unsure why.

He meditated for a while and ate a breakfast of replicated fruit before giving Ko-elki a treat and heading out to the transport room. He carried a PADD with all of the files he’d finished for Pike and hoped to present it to the new captain as a sort of token of his loyalty.

Select crew members were waiting outside the transport room. Sulu yawned and Spock wondered if he had been sleeping in lately because their docking was seen as a vacation. Well, it was no longer vacation. They had a lot of work to do with the new captain.

Spock found his excitement growing as Scotty let them all inside. It felt something akin to Terran moths when they flapped their wings and bounced into light fixtures. He ignored the feeling of moths in his stomach and stepped up near the transport pad. Nyota and Sulu were somewhere behind him.

“Ah, this is so exciting!” Chekov whispered. “I hope she’s beautiful!”

“He’s a he.” Sulu whispered back. Spock did not know how Sulu knew that, but apparently Spock was the only one who was not clued in early.

“He.” Nyota scoffed. “I just can’t believe Pike chose _him.”_

“Aw, Ny, you’re just jealous because he beat you on an exam when he was just a freshman.” Sulu chuckled.

“He did not beat me. I _know_ he cheated!” She hissed.

“Come on, if he’d cheated, he would have made a show of it.”

Spock ignored their conversation, stepping a fraction closer to the transport pad. Scotty pressed the console and beamed in the new captain. Spock felt simultaneously as if his heart was jumping up into his throat, and being suddenly prodded with a sword.

He gasped audibly.

“Oh, he _is_ beautiful.” Chekov whispered.

Yes, he was. Gone was his long hair. Instead, it was cut to regulation standards. Though, it was styled with some sort of product that made it look swirly and soft.  Gone were the multiple piercings as well. If he still had the tattoos, they were covered up by the command gold uniform, which was filled out extremely nicely.

He was no longer the scrawny thing he’d been five years ago. Spock felt his face heating up, the blush spreading to the tips of his ears. His hands began to tremble slightly.

“Hello, everyone. I’m really looking forward to working with you all.” The new captain grinned, putting his hands on his hips. His eyes swept over the room. “I really hope we can all be –friends.”

His eyes locked onto Spock’s for a millisecond. The captain’s face became unreadable as he glanced away. Spock’s became uncharacteristically warm.

Spock felt an uncontrollable smile, and he lifted his PADD to his face to hide it. Part of him did not want to hide it. He wanted to grin and laugh and jump into the air with happiness.

After so long, his independent destiny had finally joined back around. And they would not be two destinies dependant on the other in an unhealthy way, but two independent destinies intertwined forever.

“So,” The new captain clapped his hands. “Let’s get back to space.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Spock had been the first to answer and the most enthusiastic. He could not stop smiling because the love of his life had finally returned to him.

His new captain was his T’hy’la –Jim Kirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol hey.
> 
> follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio


	8. Chapter 8

Spock had been staring at the same sample under his microscope for almost twenty minutes without making any progress on his report. He blinked his weary eyes and held back a yawn. He had to finish this tonight or else his plan would fail.

He looked back at the sample and turned to his PADD. He finished the report and saved the file. Finally allowing himself a break, Spock sat at his desk in the lab and placed his arms on the desk. He was very tired. He needed sleep, but he could not do that now. He had to wait for Jim.

There was a chime from his PADD and Spock opened his eyes and reached for it. At the top of the file was the arrow indicating it had been sent out.

“No…” Spock whispered under his breath as he looked at the recipient. Captain Kirk. “No.”

He stood up and left his desk. He turned towards Ensign Davis and nearly crashed into her. She jumped back and looked up at him.

“Mr. Spock?”

“Ensign.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you send my report to the captain?”

“Yes, Sir.” She nodded. Spock’s eyes flicked down to the offending PADD in her hands.

“Why? He was supposed to come retrieve it from my desk in exactly two minutes.”

“W-Well, he asked me to.” She stammered, a slight red staining her dark skinned cheeks. “He said he wouldn’t have time to pick it up. He told me he didn’t have anything else for you, so you can rest.”

Rest? Spock wanted to do anything but that. His plan to make Jim speak directly to him had failed. He should have known it would have with so many brilliant officers willing to do anything Jim asked of them. He and Spock would probably never share a word at this rate.

Spock sighed and left the lab, starting back towards his quarters. His body was weary and he had nothing to do. Maybe he actually would sleep.

In the halls, Spock kept his senses open for signs of Jim or Dr. McCoy. The thought of seeing either of them made Spock’s heart race for different reasons. He made it back to his room without a sign of either human.

He did not spare a glance towards Ko-elki, who was likely asleep. Instead, he quickly changed into his pajamas and went into the bathroom. Though he shared this room with Jim, there was no sign that there was another occupant. Not even a yellow toothbrush sat in the holder by Spock’s blue one.

Spock then went back into his room and got in bed, curling up much like a cat under the thick covers. He turned off all the lights, so the only illumination came from his chronometer, telling him the ship’s time was almost ten o’clock. He felt himself drifting off already as he tried to formulate a new plan before he started snoring.

Seeing Jim arrive as the new captain had made Spock very happy. He had been unsure if he would ever see his beloved human again, and to see him looking so healthy and bright was quite shocking in a good way.

Jim had approached them all and gave orders for them to get back into space for their next mission. Spock felt the ship move as he attempted to approach Jim. Up closer, he was so much more beautiful than Spock even remembered.

“What?” Nyota asked quietly.

“Pardon?” Spock did not look at her.

“What’s with you? What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing.” Spock attempted to hold all his emotions back. They must really be getting to him if Nyota noticed his elevated mood.

The door opened and Jim started out with most everyone following. Spock attempted to move through the crowd, but it was too much. On the bridge, Jim stayed only a moment to tell Sulu and Chekov something that Spock strained to overhear. He then left them all alone.

Spock looked down at the PADD still in his hand and back towards the turbo lift. He then made sure there was nothing urgent on his station before starting towards the door.

“Spock?” Nyota asked, but he did not look back. This PADD was very important. He had to give it to Jim.

Spock tried the conference room with no luck. He then tried the nearest control room. Empty. Spock was determined. He tried to calculate the most logical place for Jim to be, but he had no reference to go on in this environment. His mind kept telling him there was no other place for Jim to be but in the captain’s chair –right by Spock.

“Have you seen the captain?” Spock asked hurriedly as he finally checked down in engineering.

“Yeah. A looker right?” Scotty chuckled, not lifting his head from where he was underneath a large piece of machinery, working for once. There was a mumble of something in response from Keenser and Scotty retorted. “Oh, will you sod off with all that jealousy?”

“No, I mean to ask if you know where he is?”

“Ah. Nope.” Scotty said, and Spock heard the grinding of some tool as he continued his work.

“I see.” Spock turned away dejectedly.

“Oh, wait! He did say he was going to have a look at the botanical garden. Funny, we’ve been gone from Earth for about an hour, and he’s already missing the plants!” He laughed.

“Of course.” Spock muttered to himself before breaking into a fast walk as he felt. He should have known. Jim did love flowers.

It seemed to take him longer than usual to reach the end of the hall and enter the turbo lift. There was someone else inside who was stopping several decks below Spock’s destination. He waited a painful amount of seconds as it stopped and they got out. Spock quickly pressed the button to close the doors before anyone else stepped on.

It took too many more agonizing seconds before the doors opened and Spock ran towards the botanical gardens. Inside, he did not admire the scent of the soil and plants. He just began looking for Jim.

Leaves brushed his shoulders and face as he padded up and down the paths. Alien plants dropped their dead leaves onto the floor and Spock’s boots crunched over them. He finally stopped at the far end. His eyes fell on the shelf of Vulcan plants, but he’d still not seen Jim.

“Spock?” Sulu came around from behind carrying a watering can. His yellow tunic was covered in dirt. Spock had not realized that he had apparently missed their whole shift while looking for Jim.

“Have you seen the captain?” Spock asked him.

“Yeah, he just left.” Sulu said. Spock felt deflated. “He had to go to sickbay after he touched the cactus. I tried to tell him the spines were poisonous this time of year, but he didn’t listen. I hope he’s learned his lesson.”

Spock nodded and started towards the doors. This was taking so long. He just wanted to say something to Jim. Anything. He just wanted to give him the PADD and let their hands brush just slightly. That would be enough.

He exited the turbo lift and started towards medbay. Inside, he scanned each bed, but they were all empty. It was just then that Spock recalled they had a new CMO. Perhaps Jim was with him.

“Where is the captain?” Spock asked a nurse, a slight bit of aggravation in his voice.

“I just saw him go in Dr. McCoy’s office. Looks like a mild poisoning. Some way to start our mission, but I don’t think it’s anything serious.”

Spock crossed the room to the door of Dr. McCoy’s office. It was slightly ajar and Spock paused as he heard Jim’s voice from inside. Spock stood against the wall and listened.

“Ouch! Geez, can’t you do this without ripping my fingers off!?” Jim sighed and Spock imagined the pain he knew came with having cactus spines in your flesh.

“Don’t be such a baby. Hold still, and it’ll all be over soon.” The unfamiliar voice had to belong to the doctor. There was an accent that Spock placed somewhere in the southern states of America. He craned his neck just slightly enough to peer in.

“Ouch!”

Jim was sitting up on the table in the doctor’s office. McCoy stood in front of him and carefully extracted the final needle from Jim’s palm.

“There. All done.” McCoy then took a small bottle of something and poured it onto Jim’s hand before rubbing it in.

“Thanks, Bones.” Jim sighed. “Pretty funny, right? I bet you didn’t expect your first patient so early on your first day.”

“Yeah, and I never expected it to be the new captain either.” There was a reluctant amusement in his voice. “Why’d you have to touch that thing? Can’t you keep your hands to yourself?”

“I didn’t know it would poison me! Never happened with any other Vulcan plant I ever touched…” Jim mumbled the last bit and Spock knew he was referring to the domestic  type of cactus that nearly every Vulcan grew in their gardens.

That was quite different than the kind Sulu had. The wild counterpart had poisonous needles twice a year, signified by their flowers turning bright pink. Everyone knew not to touch them then. Every Vulcan did, at least.

“Well, there. You’re all set.” McCoy stepped back and Spock could see a bandage on Jim’s hand. “You’ll be fine in the morning.”

“How am I supposed to do all my work when I can’t write?”

“Get your First Officer to help. That’s what he’s there for.”

Spock inhaled sharply and strained his hearing, desperate to know Jim’s response. All he could hear was the steady tapping of McCoy on a PADD, no doubt entering in a report on Jim’s injury.

“Why don’t you just help me?” Jim said, his voice barely audible as he kept his eyes down on the injured hand resting in his lap.

“What was that?” He glanced up.

“I said why don’t you just help me?” Jim lifted his head.

“Why? What’s wrong with the First Officer?”

“It’s just…” Jim glanced down again and Spock could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. “You haven’t talked to anyone about me, have you?”

“Sure, a little. Why?”

“Well, you didn’t tell them about… _that,_ did you?”

“You mean Tar—“

“Yes, that!” Jim cut him off quickly, despite the fact that he hadn’t been speaking loud enough for anyone but Spock to be able to overhear.

“No, of course not. Why would I?”

“You wouldn’t.” Jim sighed. “It’s just…the less people who know, the better. I don’t think I could stand to be around anyone else who knew.”

“Jim, it was long time ago, and it’s not like they’d think differently of you. It wasn’t like it was your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Spock longed to comfort Jim, but it was apparent that Jim did not want to speak to him. Was it truly because Spock knew about Tarsus? Spock knew better than to bring it up at all. He didn’t want to. In fact, there was so much he wanted to say to Jim and none of it had to do with that.

“Well, is it fine if I rest here for a while? You don’t have to help me with anything.” Jim laid down on the small exam table and closed his eyes. McCoy’s response was just a mumble but Jim’s response was enthusiastic. “Thanks Bones, you’re the best. You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, kid. Save the schmaltz for your diary.”

 Spock felt as if the wound in his side was being reopened with a sword. He felt his hands shaking slightly as he took a few trembling steps back from the door. His mind could not help but replay those words over and over again.

_You know I love you, right?_

Jim loved someone else? How was that possible. Yes, it had been Jim’s intention for them both to move on when he ended their romantic relationship, but Spock never did. He found it impossible to love anyone but his t’hy’la –and now his t’hy’la loved someone else.

McCoy started towards the door and it took Spock a moment to find his own autonomy. He darted to the side and pressed himself against the wall. The PADD slipped from his shaking hands and clattered loudly to the floor. Spock could not reach for it.

McCoy walked out into medbay and almost stepped on the PADD. From his spot around the corner, Spock watched him reach down to pick it up and took a moment to study him.

His constant referral to Jim as kid did make sense, as he seemed to be several years older than they were. But aside from his broad shoulders and obvious sympathy for those he treated, Spock could not see what it was that Jim liked about him.

Spock felt the pain in his body slowly burn away as it was replaced with rage. Jealousy of this caliber was unknown to Spock before, and it scared him, the things his jealousy was telling him to do.

He watched McCoy speak to a few nurses and collect a few files before walk back to his office. Spock pressed himself further into the corner to remain unseen.

“Here’s that work you wanted.” McCoy said, and Spock imagined him handing it to Jim, perhaps their fingers touched.

“Wow, thanks.” Jim replied flatly.

“Don’t thank me. Thank whoever left it outside on the floor. Though, they could have used the mail slot.”

“If I’m gonna write shit, then I think I need to take my bandages off.” Jim breathed sharply. “Is it supposed to be that color? Can you put more of that cream on it?”

“Hold sti –don’t be a baby! I said hold still!”

“It’s freezing cold!” Jim said before laughing. “Thanks, that feels better.”

Spock could not bear to imagine their hands rubbing together any longer. He turned and stalked out as fast as he could. The rage in his body did not subside for the next few days, aside from the times when it dropped into sadness. These bad feelings were amplified whenever Spock happened to catch a glimpse of Dr. McCoy in the corridors. If he noticed Spock’s angry stares, he didn’t say anything.

As for seeing Jim –that did not seem possible. Spock’s work on the bridge during alpha shift seemed to coincide with Jim having Gamma or other duties. Spock was always in the labs when he heard Jim was on the bridge.

This did not stop Spock from doing everything a First Officer should do. All of his work seemed to reach Jim without them ever having to speak. It was slowly killing Spock. Constant meditation seemed to be the only thing keeping him sane.

But now, Spock did not feel like meditating. Letting thoughts come and pass was no longer making him feel better. Perhaps it was illogical, but he needed emotional comfort. He needed something _else_ to keep his mind from telling him that Jim and McCoy were likely sharing a bed.  Despite his tiredness, he would not sleep until he had it.

He sat up in bed and looked around the room. His senses honed onto the foot of the bed. Spock honestly did not know if it was still there, but he had to check. He got out of bed.

“Computer, lights at ten percent.”

With the light, he went to the foot of the bed and crouched down. Spock pulled the flat storage box out from under the bed and opened it. Stacks of folded sweaters and clothes were stored here for the times they’d go to planets that were too cold for Spock –which was often. He also did not want to get rid of the ones his mother made for him.

He carefully removed each one, searching and searching for the faded maroon color. It might not be here. In fact, there was a good chance it wasn’t. And if it somehow did make the move with Spock from place to place, it was likely washed and retained none of the scent.

And then he saw it.

Spock took the sweatshirt out from the very bottom of the box before shoving everything else back in. He stood up and unfolded it. It had been many years since he’d worn it, but every memory was still there. He unzipped it and slipped it on over his pajamas.

It no longer hung past his hands and was quite worn at the bottom, but he did not mind. He laid back down and pressed the fabric to his face, inhaling deeply. It smelled of laundry soap only. His heart plummeted.

Still, before this was his, it was Jim’s. Jim wore this. Spock’s heart rose again as he imagined Jim’s scent still clinging to the fabric. He imagined Jim wearing it all day so that there was a mix of musk as he shed it from his shoulders and put it on Spock, flashing him that smile.

In his imagination, Jim was his and not McCoy’s. Jim was laying beside him and telling him how happy he was that they were together again.

Spock would touch Jim’s muscular physique and silently beg to undress him. Jim would smirk and let Spock slowly pull off his uniform and undershirt in one move, leaving him able to explore and map Jim’s naked chest with his hands and mouth.

Jim would lean down and put his mouth on Spock’s neck, whispering in his ear how much he loves him and how he can’t keep his hands to himself anymore. He already can’t keep his eyes off of him on the bridge.

Spock would tell him how mutual that feeling was. His mouth would hang open in a gasp as Jim’s hands slipped under Spock’s shirt, stroking the fine dark hair on his chest. His fingers moved over Spock’s nipples, soft and then harder and harder.

Spock’s breathing came in fast gasps as his hand moved down over his body, vividly imagining it was Jim’s. He imagined he could feel Jim’s breath on his neck and smell his scent all around –Earthy, with an overlay of whatever products Jim used that made his hair look so soft.

In his imagination, Jim’s hand finally touched Spock’s erection through his pajamas and Spock gasped again at the almost-forgotten feeling as he teased himself with slow brushes of his fingers over his hardness.

It had been years since Spock had masturbated. Any sexual arousal he’d felt since Jim left him had been suppressed or just ignored until the feeling had faded. It always came from dreams of Jim, but it had never felt right for Spock to indulge in the pleasures of his dreams or even his own memories.

It was not necessarily right now, either. Jim was not his desire.

No. He _was._ They were t’hy’la. That was something they could not erase. It was logical for Spock to still want him in all ways, and it wasn’t as if anyone would know.

His body and his mind were his alone, and he was not hurting anyone.

He closed his eyes again as he imagined Jim’s fingers hooking into the waist of his pajamas and pulling them down, exposing Spock to warm air.

Warm flesh gripped warm flesh as he began to slowly stroke his cock. He imagined Jim’s hand and Jim’s voice whispering about how beautiful Spock was and how he liked it when Spock made noise. 

Spock, of course, was not trying to make noise. It just seemed this was something he could not control. Even with Vulcan discipline, it seemed with the pleasure and the preoccupation of his mind imagining Jim and other things, there just wasn’t anything left to keep his mouth shut.

He now remembered why he never did this while he still lived at home.

“Jim…ahh. Y-Yes. I want— I need— I need you to—“

Spock’s voice shook as it filled the empty room, disturbing the still silence. The bed seemed to absorb most of the sounds that came from Spock’s hips rocking. His free hand gripped the sheets as his words fell away to soft moans.

He imagined Jim giving him that knowing smirk, amused at how decomposed Spock was becoming. He would ask what it was Spock wanted, as if he didn’t already know.

“P-Please more. Jim…please.”

Jim would finally give in to Spock’s unabashed begging as he gently pressed kisses and chuckles into the side of Spock’s neck to quiet him down.

Spock was completely gone from dignity as he cupped both hands to his mouth for the second it took to spit. He did not care if it was unhygienic. That was the farthest thought from his mind as he rubbed his hands together before reaching down again.

One hand went to his cock as the other reached lower. He bent one leg up, imagining Jim hiking the leg around his hip as his hand reached down. Slick fingers brushed against Spock’s entrance for just a second. The sensation made Spock shiver and moan before he pressed harder.

He did not care about the pain. He craved it –the stretch from his slick fingers pushing in. He imagined Jim filling him deeper and deeper. His hand moved fast on his cock, working the head and spreading the fluid that was already heavily leaking.

His body writhed on the bed, his back arching over and over again, never coming to fully rest on the mattress. His moans and growls seemed to bounce off the walls. Somewhere in the back of his mind was the part not imagining Jim inside of him, pounding, but the logical part that reminded him that Jim was just a few walls away and could likely hear him if he didn’t shut up.

“Yes. Jim –!!”

He felt the fire burning through his body as he came. His eyes screwed shut in the almost-pain of overwhelming pleasure. His hand stalled as thick cum pooled onto the bare swatch of skin where his shirt was pushed up, some of it trickling back down his hand to cover the cuff of his sleeve.

Without thinking much of it, Spock reached up and stuck the wet fabric in his mouth. His tongue scrapped across the soft texture and slick ejaculate coating it. He imagined it was Jim’s, and that Jim loved to watch Spock lick it up.

There were likely more thorough ways to clean up, but Spock didn’t look for them. His tongue swiped over the back of his hand, lapping up the semen and sucking it from his fingers.

With heavy breathes and his body still trembling, Spock relaxed back against the bed. His panting was so quiet compared to the noises he was making before. There was still a puddle of cum quickly cooling on his skin.

Spock reached down by his bed and felt for something, anything. An old towel or pair of slacks, but there was nothing. Curse his over cleanliness.

He lifted his shoulders off the bed one at a time, enough to get out of the sweatshirt. He then cleaned himself as best as he could with it before dropping it down by his bed. He’d wash it in the morning. For now, he fixed his pajamas and rolled over, pulling the blanket up over his body.

He dozed off, imagining Jim wrapped around him.

 

Spock knew that it was proven that masturbation was a very effective stress reliever, but Spock had not expected to feel the results so strongly the next day.

His muscles felt loser and relaxed, and he had a slight burst of energy in all of his movements. There was an underlying smile with his neutral expression, and he found himself excited to eat as he waited for his oatmeal to finish being replicated.

He looked to where Nyota was sitting with Ensign Davis from the science labs. He did not realize they were friends.

“Good morning.” Spock sat down by Nyota.

“You’re cheery today.” Nyota was spreading replicated butter on toast.

“Am I?” Spock attempting to assess his current mood.

“What’s the deal? Interesting stuff in the labs?”

“No, he’s lucky he didn’t have to stay in the labs.” Ensign Davis said. “Kirk sent him off early, so he’s probably had plenty of sleep.” As for her, she was still yawning.

“Vulcans do not need nearly as much sleep as humans.” Spock said.

“Oh. Well, you had the time for other stuff then, Sir?” She leaned on one elbow and closed her eyes.

“Yes. Hobbies and even productive chores early this morning, such as laundry.”

“I can barely even walk down here without coffee.” She opened her eyes. “I better go grab some before my shift. Oh, Commander?”

“Yes?”

“Robin asked me to ask Thomas to switch shifts with him, but Thomas said he can’t and to ask Miller, but then I couldn’t find Miller last night, so then Robin –“

“Perhaps you should just tell me the point you are trying to make?”

“Can you take Robin’s spot on the bridge this morning?”

“I cannot –“ Spock paused, oatmeal raised to his lips and then the full spoon lowered. His lab work was important, but if memory served correctly, Jim was on the bridge. “Does the captain know Mr. Murphy will be missing his shift?”

“No, that’s the thing, I was trying to find someone to take his spot before Kirk noticed.”

“I will take his shift on the bridge.” Spock nodded. “Can you save my lab work for me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Thank you, Ensign.”

Spock quickly finished eating and started for the turbo lift. He wanted to get there before Jim did. He succeeding in doing so, standing at his station and getting to work just as everyone else did. Perhaps if he blended in, Jim wouldn’t think anything of it.

His plan to do so fell apart the second Jim stepped onto the bridge. His eyes locked onto Jim and he could not help the way his head turned to follow him as he went to his chair.

This was the closest Spock had been to him since he arrived. He looked even more handsome today than he did then. His hair was styled softly again, and his muscles bulged against the fabric of his sleeves. Spock felt his heart rate increase significantly as Jim sat down just a few feet away.

“Mr. Sulu, what’s our status?” Jim inclines just slightly towards the helm. Spock watches him with fascination. Jim then turns in Spock’s direction. “Mr. –Spock, anything on the scanners.

His face paled considerably and Spock hoped his presence didn’t shock him too much. Jim’s eyes stared ahead, a good two feet off from him. His fist clenched on the arm of his chair.

“No, Captain.” Spock tried to keep his voice professional, but just for Jim, an added layer of softness.

Jim did not seem to notice, standing up starting to the other side of bridge. Spock noticed he liked to watch them while they worked, but he never seemed to make anyone nervous by being over their shoulder.

As the shift wore on, Jim did not say anything else to Spock. Yet, he found himself tuned into every step and breath Jim took. Spock watched his body from his peripheral vision, and when Jim stepped out of his field of vision, his head cocked over to either watch Jim’s arms or other…assets as he walked.

His work suffered. It was only fifty percent complete by the end of alpha, yet about thirty percent more was done than during Murphy’s average shift. Spock stepped away from his station, taking the middle of the path Jim needed to leave.

“Captain, may I have a word?”

“No.” Jim didn’t look at him as he turned to go around the other way. Several heads snapped up or away from their chatter to look over. Jim slowed before inclining his chin towards Spock, as if giving him as much attention as he could offer. “I mean— not here. Walk with me. Make it fast. I’ve got a meeting.”

That seemed to somewhat satisfy their nosey crew, who continued the chatter of work and personal lives that came with shift change. Spock took fast strides and still fell a fraction of an inch behind Jim.

“According to my collecting data, Mr. Murphy only completes an average of thirty percent of what I do—“

“Average?” Jim still wasn’t looking at them as they entered the briefing room. “What’s the average done on Alpha?”

“Approximately twenty percent of what I completed. Occasionally twenty-five.”

“So, Robin is still the best.”

“But I am better than he is.”

Spock did not show the desperation or that was inside. Instead, his voice was calm as it should be when saying something carefully calculated.

Jim steepled his fingers as he slouched down in his chair, staring at the screen on the table. Spock knew he was waiting for a call, but he held his breath just slightly as he wondered if Jim was also considering what he just heard.

“So, you want to switch with Robin?” Jim sighed. “Where the hell is he, anyways?”

“I do not know his current location, but as your First Officer,  it would be most beneficial for us to be on the bridge at the same time. I believe we could quite efficiently together.”

“I… I dunno, Spock. I’ll think about it.” He hunched over the table and began busying himself with taps to the screen.

“Of course, Captain.” Spock tried to amplify the softness in his voice by just a bit more. If Jim noticed, Spock could not tell, as he leaned over and more over the table as if the screen interested him immensely. Spock understood that to mean they were finished speaking. “Until then, you know where to find me. Good day, Captain.”

Outside, Spock looked up as he almost walked into someone. His eyebrows raised and then lowered as he faced McCoy.

“Oh, is Jim in?” McCoy asked, stepping back a bit.

“The captain is in an important meeting.” Spock said, his neutral voice like ice compared to the soft one he used on Jim.

“Right, well, I just came to ask for Murphy about the work? Did you take his shift?”

“I did.”

“Good. Well, he wanted me to tell whoever that he should be back tomorrow when he’s not hacking all over the console.”

“Maybe he will not be.” Spock said, causing McCoy to pause in his mild chuckle.

“Okay?” He cocked his head. “Now, I’ve gotta talk to Jim.”

He went towards the door, and Spock turned his body so no parts of them would touch. He felt that jealousy burning again and he narrowed his eyes at McCoy, his nails digging into his own skin where his hands were clasped behind his back.

“Perhaps Mr. Murphy should stay in medbay for a while longer. And you should stay there too. The captain does not need so many people crowding him.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” McCoy looked back at Spock, one hand still on the door handle.

“You should just recall that your patients still need room apart from you to breathe, _Doctor.”_ Spock narrowed his eyes again before turning away sharply. “Good day.”

He regained his emotional control and felt himself cool down as he approached the turbo lift. He could still hear McCoy’s grumbling as he went in the briefing room.

“Damn fucking green-blooded –“

In the split second of complete privacy in the lift, Spock let his shoulders slack as he let out a shaky sigh.

He considered then going to the labs for more work. Perhaps picking up Murphy’s slack there would turn Jim in his favor. But the mental image of McCoy and Jim alone together in the briefing room wound him up again.

At the labs, he didn’t stay. He just swiped a PADD of files from Murphy’s desk and his from his own and started right back towards the lift.

He heard nothing from Jim and spent the evening working and sleeping. He felt Ko-elki jump onto his bed and sleep beside him, a rare occurrence these days. He had no idea what trouble she got up to in the small quarters, but it kept her occupied at least.

At the labs the next morning, Spock contained his expression as Murphy informed them the captain switched their schedules.

“What a logical idea on the captain’s part.” Spock held back a smile. “I can work most efficiently by his side.”

Spock took his PADD to the bridge, arriving to see that Jim was already there. He was sitting with his legs crossed, staring ahead just like he’d been the day before. Spock went to his station and gently tested the waters.

“Good morning, Captain.”

There was just a grunt in response from Jim, his eyes never moving from ahead. He was not as pale as before. In fact, his face seemed to be slowly reddening. Spock filed that fact away for later assessment. It could mean many things.

Spock’s work went smoothly. Though he was capable of standing and working for the entire time, he allowed himself five minute breaks every hour or so to take a step back, stretch, and look at Jim.

When Jim was walking around, Spock admired his physique and the playful smiles he gave the subordinates. Spock especially admired times where Jim was facing away from him, leaning over someone else’s station and commenting on their work. From this angle, it was very easy for Spock to admire his other appealing assets.

When he wasn’t up and about, he was in his chair. Spock took time to watch him there, as well. With one leg propped on the other, his gaze was so intense as he read on his PADD. Once, towards the end of shift, Jim reached for the reading glasses hanging from his collar and put them on before continuing his work. That was nearly enough to make Spock take an extra break.

Though Jim was friendly yet professional  with everyone, that seemed to stop at Spock. Spock did not hang on and wonder why Jim did not speak to him, instead, he simply tried to rectify that.

“This has been quite a productive day, Captain.” Spock said as it was winding down. Jim just nodded. That was better than nothing. Spock went on. “We should complete mapping by two weeks time, or less if some of us are willing to put in the extra hours. I am.”

Jim nods again, and it makes Spock’s heart thump. There a soft of stifled laughter somewhere behind them, and Spock tilts his head a tad towards the helm at Sulu. The laughter turns into a short fit of coughing.

“As I was saying, we should be expecting our first mission within the next few weeks.” Spock notices the way Jim’s fake goes pink again. This time, the corners of his mouth twitch upwards and his eyes actually flicked to Spock long enough for contact. His eyes were shining behind the lenses of his glasses.

“That’s great.” Jim actually smiled. Spock felt himself blushing despite wanting to keep his emotions off the bridge. Spock calculated the odds of another positive response from Jim before leaving.

“It is. I will see you tomorrow morning. Good evening, Captain.”

“Yeah. Night, Spock.”

That was enough to keep Spock light on his feet as he started towards his quarters. Jim had spoken to him. Jim had smiled at him.

Spock entered his room and looked towards his desk. There was plenty of work to tend to, and he had every intention of keeping his word to Jim, but Spock was also in the need to work on his personal experiment. It was occurring to him that, unlike most Vulcans, he needed a brief wind-down first to continue working.

He’d much rather do his meditation in the early mornings, leaving him with a different idea on how to relax in the evenings.

He slowly took off his uniform, staring at his boots, which he left by the door, to his pants and shirt, leaving them carefully folded on the chair. When his t-shirt and underwear were finally removed, he slipped on his robe.

The silken material met his skin, the smooth cool fabric reminding him of his skin’s current state of being a tad rough and dry. Hopefully that would be fixed soon. He crossed the room to the bathroom and entered.

In the shower, he felt the sonic technology move over his body, eliminating particles of dust and debris. With a thump in his heart, Spock reached out for the knob that switched to water.

 _Use Sparingly—_ the reminder wasn’t necessarily ignored, but seeing as this was his first water shower in a while, he thought that counted as sparingly enough.

Showers designed by and for humans never had water hot enough for Spock, but he made do. He let the plain bar of white soap glide over his skin, washing away nothing, but feeling nice all the same. He was simply indulging. Logically indulging.

When he washed his hair, he let his fingernails scrape into his scalp and there was an involuntary noise from his throat as he tipped his head back and let the suds run down his body.

He imagined Jim in the enclosed space with him, washing Spock’s hair and back, and letting Spock take care of him in return. He stayed under the water for a while, letting the warm pulses knead his muscles. He needed to be limber for the next part.

He stepped out of the shower and toweled off, pressed his face into the thick cotton before moving it over his whole body. He dried his hair but didn’t bother to comb it before folding the towel and reaching for his robe again.

Back in his room, it was incredibly warm. He felt as if the last few stray droplets of water were quickly evaporated as he laid down atop his made bed, and let his robe fall open, exposing his naked body to his desired temperature.

He imagined Jim following him in, maybe commenting on the warmth making him feel as if he’d sweat quickly and need another shower. Spock would touch his arm and comment that washing Jim again would be a pleasure.

Jim would smile before lying down beside him, shedding his own robe in the process. He would tell Spock to relax and close his eyes. Spock did so, imagining Jim’s strong hands gently caressing his neck and shoulders, darting up to touch his ears and making goosebumps rise on the Vulcan’s skin.

He’d then move lower, playing with the patch of dark hair on Spock’s chest. He would make some comment that made Spock blush. Perhaps it was a praise of his beauty, or just an annoying joke. Either way, it was Jim’s words that Spock loved.

Jim’s fingers would lightly brush Spock’s nipples, going harder and harder when Spock’s mouth fell open with soft gasps. His hands shook slightly. Spock pressed his palms down flat against the sheets to keep himself still as he imagined Jim going lower.

Jim would remind Spock to keep his eyes closed before tracing his thumbs over Spock’s hipbones. They’d brush and tickle before he’d stop and finally grip Spock’s hips roughly. Spock moaned softly.

Jim’s mouth would trail behind his fingers now, kissing his neck and shoulder before going down to stroke his tongue across Spock’s nipples in turn. He then latched his mouth onto one, sucking as long as it took for it to harden in the warm air. Spock’s breathing was sharp and fast.

He could theoretically move this imaginary encounter at any pace he wanted, but he knew Jim would draw it out until Spock said the magic words. But Spock would not beg until he was sufficiently aroused, even if there was no one here.

 _“Do you want me to touch you?”_ Jim would pull his mouth from Spock’s hip, where he’d been sucking an invisible green bruise over his bone.

Spock nodded, biting his lip and feeling his hands shaking. He gripped the sheets to keep steady as his hips involuntarily jerked up towards Jim. He then reached down with one hand and stroked his own inner thigh, imaging Jim teasing him before reminding him of the rules.

_“Use your words, babe.”_

“Yes…” Spock whispered into the empty room.

“ _Yes, what? Hm?”_ Jim would give him that wonderful smirk as he let his fingers inch higher on his thigh. Spock moved his hand higher and stilled, despite his body silently screaming for it to continue.

“Yes…Captain.” Spock finally said the word aloud, feeling himself blush deeply and imaging Jim’s sharp intake of breath. It was no doubt followed by a low chuckle.

_“Say it again, love. For me. Tell me exactly what you want.”_

Spock’s fingers trailed just centimeters away, brushing enough sensitive skin to make his cock stand impossibly harder. He reached up to gently touch the head, feeling a bead of precum stick to the pad of his finger.

“P-Please, Captain.” Spock was strained as he tried to keep his hips still and his hand from moving any lower. “Please. I need you to touch me.”

_“Well, you worked so hard today. You were such a good boy for me. I’ll give you what you want.”_

Spock wrapped his hand around his erection and moaned softly as soap-soft skin met his sensitive flesh. He imagined Jim would start slow, teasing the head and spreading the precum down his shaft.

Spock pulled his legs up near his chest, exposing his entrance to the warm air and letting his other hand brush down over it before pressing in.

 _“Stay like that.”_ Jim would order as soon as he was in, leaving Spock holding himself awkwardly. _“Don’t move a muscle.”_

“Yes, Sir.” Spock’s trembling wasn’t enough to disturb his current position.

Practically bent in half, his back arched up with his head over his chest and his knees inches away from his face. His only moving was one hand slowly moving the finger in and out, and his hand working on his cock, bringing him closer and closer.

“J-Jim…close…” Spock’s muscles ached.

_“Hm?”_

“J-Jim— Captain, please may I have release?” Spock clenched his teeth and slowed his hand just slightly to keep his orgasm at bay.

“ _Lay back.”_ Jim’s imaginary words let Spock finally relax back against the pillow, his legs falling open against the bed. His hand stroked his cock faster. _“Ask me again.”_

“Captain, may I please have release?” Spock’s voice was strained as he tried to keep himself from going over the edge.

_“Louder.”_

“Please.”

_“Louder! I want this whole damn ship to hear you!”_

“Please, Captain! Please give it to me.”

Spock felt cum splash onto his skin. His head fell back and his hips jerked as he came. His moans and gasps fell silent as the last few strokes pulled every drop of pleasure from his body. When he breathed again, it was heavy pants.

His body was still shaking as he lifted his hand to his mouth and began licking off the seed. Perhaps he should invest some sort of lubricant to further his fantasies. When his hand was clean, he reached down for the towel he’d brought in.

Still damp from his skin, it soaked up every stray drop of come, leaving him able to rest. He dropped it back down by the bed before pulling the blankets over his body. He imagined the warm weight was Jim on top of him. He reached behind his pillow for the sweatshirt –clean and folded since its previous use.

He pressed the fabric to his face, taking in the scent of Enterprise laundry. He closed his eyes, letting his heavy breath finally subside and his trembles fade.

Half-lidded sleepy eyes went to his desk. Work. There was still work to do. He suppressed a groan. Couldn’t he just sleep with imaginary Jim around him? No, he couldn’t. He promised real Jim.

Spock changed into pajamas and paused at his desk. His mood of complete relaxation was missing a few things. He replicated hot tea and then reached into the bottom drawer of his desk. His music player still had a charge, despite not having been used in a very long time.

He slipped the old headphones over his ears and sat down. There was no doubt in his mind that Jim’s music taste had changed since they were fourteen. Maybe he liked softer things now. Or happier lyrics. Spock wished he could just ask him.

Instead, he just got to work, exactly as he promised.

 

He never meant to make it a routine, but there was nothing wrong with it now that it was. It made him focus better, it made his mood lighter, and he slept sounder. The only thing that suffered were his muscles, but that was nothing an added session of yoga with his meditation couldn’t fix.

The larger his workload, the more he did it. The more Jim looked at him on the bridge, the more he did it. Any stress in general, and that was what Spock did to rectify it.

It being a nightly occurrence meant Spock was becoming better equipped. Lubricant apparently counted as a personal medical item much like bandages or aspirin. Acquiring without visiting medbay took another stressor off Spock’s shoulders.

And though disposable paper tissues were not very environmentally friendly, they were also readily available, which meant they too were stashed in Spock’s bedside drawer. A large refillable bottle on the bedside table completed Spock’s setup.

Jim was always on Spock’s mind. On the bridge, Spock assessed Jim’s mood and tried to calculate his odds of a response, based on what Spock said in greeting. The less likely Jim was to engage him, the softer Spock’s voice needed to be. That worked about half the time.

Jim was never rude to Spock, but his smiles seemed plastic and he never laughed the way he used to. Spock tried not to feel any emotion about that. He knew when to back off when Jim’s voice or jaw got too tight.

In Spock’s imagination, nothing about Jim was tight. The things Jim said and did in Spock’s imagination every night were quite fascinating, but not shameful at all. After all, only Spock knew, and that hurt no one.

The only person Spock ever felt guilt around was Dr. McCoy.

The guilt would spike up unexpectedly just as Dr. McCoy did on the bridge. When he took breaks from caring for his patients, he would step onto the bridge to talk with Jim. Spock usually felt his concentration on his woks unintentionally slip as he tried to both listen in, and not listen in to their conversations.

Spock supposed the guilt over knowing he was thinking of Jim almost every night was better than feeling jealousy. Still, both emotions had to be controlled. It wasn’t as if he was doing anything wrong.

Spock’s hand hovered over his station one afternoon as his ears stayed tuned to Jim and McCoy. Their whispers just had to do with work, and there were no romantic tones that Spock could decipher. Still, he felt his heart pounding and he just wished McCoy would go away. Spock did not like seeing them together.

“Alright, guess I’ll take a look at it tonight.” Jim sighed, keeping his voice low. “Just send it to me or whatever.”

“Can do, kid.” McCoy placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder and Spock scowled before quickly going neutral.

It was not his place to be upset. McCoy turned to leave, passing by Spock’s station. Spock ignored his own jealousy and nodded at him. He nodded in return. Spock knew there was no way he could do his routine tonight.

After work, Spock decided to try something else for a change. There were lots of other ways to relax that he seemed to have been ignoring. His lute needed to be tuned, and he at least always had one happy audience member.

Spock entered his quarters and took a quick shower before reaching his lute. Ko-elki usually sat so intrigued when he played. He sat cross-legged on the end of his bed and began tuning it, keeping his ears pricked for the jingle of her collar.

After several minutes of tuning, he played a portion of a song, but he still did not see her emerge from her bed. He played a while longer before deciding maybe she just wanted to do something else. He put his lute up before picking up one of her toys from the floor.

“Princess, where are you?” Spock peered over at her tiny bed and his eyebrows furrowed as he saw it was empty. “Ah.”

He got onto his knees and looked under his bed. He did not see her eyes reflecting back at him. Odd. He searched every nook and cranny in his room but did not see her.

“Hm…” Spock looked towards the bathroom door. Cats did not like water, but where else could she be hiding?

He entered the bathroom and looked around. His heart began to pound as he realized she was not in there. He looked at the door to Jim’s room. Was she in there? No…Jim wouldn’t let her in…would he? No.

Spock had to come to the conclusion that she was outside his room. He walked back through his room and into the hallway, still holding her toy mouse. He would need it to find her.

As he started slowly down the hall, he realized he would have to find her before someone else did. If someone told Jim that Spock was letting his cat loose on the ship, then Jim might take away his shift on the bridge. He could not let that happen.

Spock searched up and down the hallway three times before moving on to the next one. With each careful search came holding the toy behind his back and trying to act neutral when someone came by. It would be beneficial to ask for help, but he did not know who to trust.

Finally, Spock’s  searching sent him to medbay. He tried not to draw anyone’s eye as he entered and began trying to subtly glance around. There was only one patient who seemed to be asleep, so Spock was able search the other beds.

Just as he was thinking he may have to give up and confess to Jim that Spock’s cat was lost on his ship, he heard a voice behind him.

“Can I help you?”

Spock’s heart dropped as he heard Dr. McCoy’s voice. Righting his posture, Spock turned to face him. There was no contempt, and instead he was looking at Spock as if he were a patient. Maybe by confirming he was not, the doctor would leave him alone.

“No.” Spock said. McCoy’s eyebrows went up. “I mean –I am not ill.”

“Then you’re here for business?”

“No.” Spock was desperate to be left alone. “Go away now.”

“Me go away?” He scoffed. “I happen to run this department, now tell me what’s going on. Did Jim send you down here for something?”

“If he did, I am sure you would already know about it.” Spock’s plan to remain neutral was failing.

“What?” McCoy scowled. “You know, if you have a problem with me, then I suggest you get the hell out and work on it somewhere else.”

“I cannot.” Spock wanted to, but he also knew he had to keep looking. He slowly took the mouse from behind his back. “I am…looking for something.”

 “What’s that?” His eyes moved to the toy.

“I am looking for my cat.” Spock admitted.

“Cat? What cat?” There was something in McCoy’s voice that Spock could not detect.

“My cat.” Spock turned away and crouched down to look by the nearest bed. “She must have gotten out of my quarters when I was not paying attention. I must find her.”

Spock knew McCoy likely wanted nothing more than to tell Jim how Spock had messed up by losing a cat on his ship, but he did not do that. Instead, he crouched down as if he were going to help him.

“Her? Listen, I think you made a mistake.”

“What do you mean?” Spock turned away and looked in the space between the next beds.

“My cat –“ McCoy started.

“Your cat?” Spock turned his head sharply. “She is my cat. She just got loose.”

“My cat might be really friendly, but he’s still my cat. He’s actually –“

“What are you talking about?” Spock narrowed his eyes.

“I’m talking about my cat. You might have seen him out and tried to keep him, but he’s my cat.”

“She is my cat.” Spock could not believe this. First McCoy had successfully stolen Jim’s heart, and now he was trying to steal Ko-elki too?

“Wait, what was that?”

“What?” Spock paused, the unkind words he was planning on saying faded from his mind as he strained his ears. He then heard it –a tinkling sound.

“What was that?” McCoy asked again, but Spock was already following the source of the noise.

Spock looked towards a door at the far end of the row of beds. It was slightly ajar, and as Spock pulled it open, he felt a sudden mix of many things. Relief, for one, and an odd bout of amusement.

“Princess, there you are.” Spock looked down at his cat. She was sitting on a supply shelf on a stack of blankets, likely enjoying the warmth very much. But she was not alone.

“Oh, _that’s_ your cat!” McCoy actually laughed.

“And that one is yours.” Spock looked at the other cat.

He was much larger than Ko-elki, with dark gray fur and large yellow eyes. He looked right at McCoy and meowed deeply.

“Actually, he’s my daughters. Her mother wouldn’t let her keep Smoky, but I knew it’d break Joanna’s heart to give him up. I didn’t think I’d actually be allowed to bring him on here, but Jim didn’t have a problem with it.”

“I realize now that Ko-elki may have been sneaking off for some time. I understand if you are going to tell Jim how irresponsible of a pet owner I am.” Spock scooped Ko-elki up in his arms and held her close. She began purring.

“Eh, what he doesn’t know won’t kill her.” McCoy chuckled as Smoky jumped down and began brushing against his legs. “Plus, if I’d known there was another cat on the ship, we could have arranged them to play together for a while now. I feel bad that he’s always so cooped up.”

“I realized now that I have also been neglecting our usual walks.” Spock held her out and looked her in the face.

“Hm…” McCoy looked at Ko-elki. “You said she’s been sneaking out a lot?”

“She has done it at least once before, and I often am so busy with evening work that I do not notice her until bed.”

“Hm…” McCoy looked down at Smoky. “Is she fixed?”

“No, she –“ Spock paused. “Oh no. Do you think –?”

“It’s possible.” McCoy shrugged with a laugh.

“Oh no.” Spock said again. “What do we do?”

“There’s a way to check, obviously. Here, put her down here.”

Spock followed McCoy and put Ko-elki on one of the biobeds. She laid down and watched them as McCoy went to the panel and turned it on.

“What does it say?” Spock asked.

“Hold on. I’m calibrating the heart monitor. This isn’t really supposed to work on animals.”

“Does it detect more than one heartbeat or not?” Spock’s own heart pounded.

“More than one.” McCoy glanced at Spock. “Five, including hers.”

“Five.” Spock shook his head just slightly to clear the woozy feeling. Was he going to faint? “How…how could this have happened?”

“I’m just gonna assume you know how, and that question is rhetorical.”

“What do we do?”

“We?”

“This is just as much your fault. Your male cat was left unsupervised.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d paid more attention to your cat.” McCoy frowned.

Yes, this was his fault. Spock felt his face color as he realized he’d yet again messed up. He failed to be there for someone he loved, and so then they went and found someone else. He turned away, feeling his shoulders slump.

“Listen, Spock…it’s not that big of a deal.” McCoy’s hand hovered near Spock’s shoulder. “She’ll be perfectly fine, and I’m sure we can find a nice home for all the kittens. It’s actually funny  when you think about it.” He chuckled and pulled his hand back.

“Yes, I suppose you are right.” Spock did not think it was funny, but he also was not upset anymore. He turned and crouched down so he was eye-level with Ko-elki. He placed the toy mouse on the bed by her and Smoky jumped up to lay beside her. “She is an animal, and she was only following her natural instincts.”

“I’ll look into feline natal care, and I guess you can take her back to your room.”

“Yes.” Spock picked her up and held her close, resting the side of his face against her fur. “Kittens on the ship. Everyone will be quite amused, especially Jim. I suppose you cannot wait to tell him.”

“Me? Why should I break the news?”

“He would want to hear it from you.” Spock suppressed emotion. “As significant others, you should –“

Spock was cut off as McCoy began laughing. It was not just a chuckle, but a genuine laugh. He placed his hand down on the bed’s panel and both cats watched him, startled by the uproar.

“Jim and I aren’t –we’re not –“ He failed to holdback laughter.

“What?” Spock felt his heart stir.

“Jim and I are _not_ together in that way. Nope. Definitely not and never ever…just…no.” He breathed as his laughter died off.

“You…are not?”

Spock felt immense relief. It seemed to free his whole body. His heart was pounding faster than it had in weeks, and resisted the urge to smile. Despite being happy, Spock also could not help but wonder why McCoy seemed to find the notion both funny and repulsive enough to deny it so enthusiastically. He would be lucky to be with Jim! Jim was so perfectly imperfect.

“No, we’re not.” McCoy smiled. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“I see.” Spock was still fighting a smile.

“I know why you’re asking.” McCoy said, and Spock felt his heart drop.

“You…do?” Spock tried to show nothing on his face.

“Yeah, but I’m sorry you won’t have anything to report. Admiral Pike is just gonna have to get his drama from some other ship. Even if two officers were dating, it’s not really any business of those higher-up. They can’t control everything we do, especially in our personal lives.”

“You think I was going to report to Pike?” Spock blinked.

“Tell him nothing’s going on. Just like I told him before. When I met him and he saw how close I was with Jim, he kept asking all these questions. I know he’s known Jim since the kid was born, but I don’t really get why he’s so invested on who the kid is dating.”

“Neither do I.” Spock quickly turned away. “I must put Ko-elki to bed now. Good night, Doctor.”

“Night.” He replied.

As Spock carried Ko-elki home, he wondered if now that Spock did not have a reason to feel jealous or guilty, then he could be friends with McCoy. Maybe. He did not see why not.

 

 

“When your cat has babies, can I have one?” Chekov was not the first person to ask him that. Spock paused in eating his oatmeal to answer.

“There are four kittens, and you are the third person to ask…so, I suppose the third kitten can be reserved for you.”

“Yes!” He chuckled. “Finally a pet I won’t have to keep in a jar.”

“Aw, no fair.” Nyota sat down beside him. “Are you giving the kittens away? Can I have one? It’s not for me. Next time we visit Earth, I’ll see my father. He might like one. I can keep it until then.”

“I suppose I can save the last one for your father, but someone is going to have to go without. I am…reserving one as well.”

“You want one? But you already have the mom.” Chekov said.

“Not for me, but for someone else.” He was thinking of his sister, but not just of her.

He turned and looked to several tables away in the dining hall. Jim was sitting up on the table, his feet in the chair as he listened to one of the senior officers. Spock studied his features. His golden hair and the way it looked a tad messy today. His sleeves were pushed up a bit, exposing his forearms.

Spock thought he looked quite beautiful. Unattached and in good physical health. Spock was not going to continue on in silence. They were ready to be together again.

“I will be right back.” Spock stood up and crossed the room towards Jim. The officer nodded at Jim before departing, forcing Jim to look over and take notice of Spock approaching. “It would appear that my cat is going to be a mother.”

“I heard.” It seemed as he wanted to smile but something was holding him back. “And Bones’ cat is the dad?”

“This was not planned, but it seems everyone now wants me to give them one of the kittens.”

“Of course they do.” Jim let out small chuckle.

“I will only give them away to those I know will be good owners. I have to trust them and know they are a good person. There are only a select few people like that on the ship. If they wanted one, I would make sure they got one.” Spock softened his voice and gave Jim a slight smile.

“You mean me?” Jim’s eyebrows went up.

“If you wanted one, I would give it to you.” Spock nodded.

“No…but, uh…thanks? I really don’t need one.” He kept his eyes ahead, not looking at Spock’s face.

“Oh. Alright then.” Spock wanted to ask Jim if he remembered the day they found Ko-elki and her siblings in Jim’s barn. Though the cold that winter was bitter, Spock considered it one of the happiest times of his life.

He did not get a chance to say anything more. Jim stood and started towards the doors. He would be very early for his shift, but Spock knew he had work to do. He suppressed a sigh and walked back to his table.

“Were you trying to give Kirk one of the cats?” Sulu asked, having joined their table to steal bacon off Chekov’s plate.

“It appears he does not need any extra responsibility. I suppose I can understand that.” Spock was trying not to take it personally as he finished his breakfast.

During the shift, Spock found himself focusing not as much on his work, but more on what he could say to Jim to start conversation. This was never difficult before, and he hoped it would not be difficult forever.

He constantly looked over at Jim, but it seemed that Jim was facing away from him all day. Spock tried not to take that too personally either. After all, they would be landing on a new planet soon for their first mission. Perhaps he should tell Jim how much he was looking forward to new samples.

But Jim did not look at him for the rest of the shift.

As soon as it was over, Spock saw Jim start towards the turbo lift. Spock grabbed his PADD and followed. It seemed everyone else was eager to get off the bridge for now, meaning Spock found himself squeezed in with several others. He watched Jim over someone’s shoulder and waited for the turbo lift to stop.

Spock did not have a destination in mind, so he squeezed past everyone as soon as Jim got off. Spock followed close behind him, pretending to check his PADD as he did so.

“I hope the weather conditions are optimal.” Spock finally settled on cliché small talk, much to his inner chagrin.

“Yep.” Jim didn’t look back at him. Spock sped up slightly to walk almost behind him.

“We do have regulation gear incase of rain.”

“Good.” Jim didn’t stop walking.

“We should be mindful not to track mud from the transport pad. We –“

“Cut it out, Spock.” Jim said through clenched teeth, stopping in his tracks. Spock stopped, nearly walking into him as he felt his heart plummet. Jim knew well how to wield the sword that was still apparently stuck in Spock’s side, even after all this time. “Just leave me alone, okay?”

“I…” Spock stayed rooted to the spot as Jim kept going. He turned down a corner and was gone. Spock heard someone else walk up behind him.

“That was painful to watch.” Sulu sounded sympathetic, but Spock did not reply. “Can I just offer something? Maybe don’t come on so strong or he’s never going to go for it. Be less obvious about it.”

“Obvious?”

“With your crush on him.”

“What?” Spock narrowed his eyes and stepped away an inch in defense. He did not like that word. Perhaps it came from an embarrassing time in youth when Jim used to mock him for having a crush on his martial arts teacher. “I do not know what you mean. Goodbye.”

Spock turned and stalked back towards the turbo lift before stopping. It seemed all attempts to talk to Jim were failing. Sulu did not really understand anything between them, but maybe he was right about something.

“Do you think I am coming on too strong?”

“Maybe. Just try extending a casual invitation. If he turns you down, then you just have to accept that he’s not into you that way.”

“Thank you for your help.” Spock started towards the turbo lift again. He could not really accept that at all, but a casual invitation did sound much better than small talk.

 

Spock watched Jim from across the transport room the next day. He needed a moment alone to invite him to chess, but it seemed he would not get a chance to until later, so Spock instead tried to focus his mind on the many samples he planned to find today.

“Thank you for letting me come today.” Davis seemed excited for her first mission as a science officer.

“Just remember to follow my orders.” Spock nodded. With her help, he should be able to get his samples and talk to Jim.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Alright,” Jim finally finished calibrating his tricorder and stepped onto the transporter pad. “When we get down there, remember to keep your comm on at all time. We don’t want anyone getting lost.”

Once they beamed down, Spock took a moment to breathe in fresh air for the first time in weeks. He began surveying the area as he felt the weak sunshine of this world on his skin.

“Hey, why don’t you invite Jim to play cards with us tonight?” Sulu walked over in the guise of looking at the readings on Spock’s tricorder.

“I appreciate the suggestion, but I do not want a group setting to monopolize his attention.”

“I think one-on-one might scare him off. A group setting might be—“

“I am noting your suggestion, but I still believe I should go with my original plan. I understand the captain more than you may realize.”

“If you say so.” Sulu said after a moment before going to join Jim.

Spock made his way over a moment later, watching his readings and keeping his ears open for anything at all.

“Okay, let’s split up.” Jim said. Spock looked up. He had a bad feeling about this. “Davis and Spock can go east. Chekov and Sulu can come with me.”

That was what Spock was afraid of. Jim did not want them to explore together. Spock ignored Sulu’s pitying look and turned eastward. Davis approached him with a smile, as if she planned for them to make a great discovery today.

“Soil samples first?” She asked.

“Yes.” Spock was barely listening, but watching over his shoulder as Jim and the others disappears over the edge of the hill they were on. He sighed reached for a container for the soil.

 

 

It was just easier this way for Jim. He couldn’t think straight with Spock breathing over his shoulder all the time. His rigid posture and soft voice was all too much for Jim’s head. He tried not to think about how Spock was feeling as they walked across the field.

“Here.” Jim took off the tricorder and handed it to Sulu. “Why don’t you lead the way? I’m gonna just…observe a little.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jim didn’t want to be an aloof sort of captain that people were afraid to approach. He tried to smile and nod whenever Sulu showed him something, but inside he was distracted. His first mission to a real planet (boring, but still a planet) and all he could think about was Spock.

How gentle and soft he sounded when he spoke to him.

How eager for conversation he seemed.

How everyone seemed to know and trust Spock, so they were probably wondering why Jim seemed so distant.

It was killing him inside to do that to the person he was still in love with.

He loved Spock. He never stopped loving him. Not when he left him on the beach that day and not when he decided to get off his ass and try to get better.

When he knew he’d be seeing Spock again, he didn’t know what to expect. Either Spock would be cold and distant, or he’d be kind as if he’d already forgiven him. Jim didn’t at the time know which was worse.

He knew now it was this.

Spock being cold –that would have been easier. Jim deserved that after breaking up with Spock like he did.

But kindness and friendship? Jim didn’t deserve that.

That’s why it was so hard to be around. Telling Spock to leave him alone or to go separate ways on a mission was only a temporary solution, but it was the only one he had. Maybe he should talk to Bones or something.

“Hm…” Sulu was crouched down next to a large flower.

“A sample?” Jim asked, snapping his attention back.

“I think Spock is getting one, but this might look nice in the botanical garden.” Sulu said.

“Yeah.” Jim managed a smile. It really would. He hadn’t visited there since his first week, but it was a beautiful place, and he admired the work that Sulu and the others put into it.

“Ew, what’s that!” Chekov crouched down beside him and pointed at something on one of the leaves.

“Some sort of spot.” Sulu examined it closer, taking the leaf in his hand.

“Ew, look!” Chekov pointed at the soil around the flower where there were more clumps of blackness.

“Oh.” Sulu sighed and let go off the leaf before wiping his hand on his pants. “It’s fungus. Let’s look for a different one.”

Jim felt sweat beading on his forehead as his heart began pounding so hard it felt as if it was going to burst from his chest. He could feel his hands begin to shake as the world seemed to close in around him.

He was no longer aware of the expansive fields of grass around them, but he was aware of the weakened sunshine, making him colder and colder. He was shaking, freezing.

It was too small in here. The air was stale with the packed bodies of his classmates. Starving. Starving because the fungus destroyed all their food.

He shook his head, desperate to look past the visions and see his officers on the grass in front of him. They were staring at him, with perplexed looks, as if they couldn’t sense the danger they were in.

“Get away from there! Get back –don’t let it touch you!” Jim’s voice shook just slightly. They both jumped back and Chekov examined his hands for traces of it.

“Sir, it’s just a common garden fungus. It’s not poisonous.”

Jim couldn’t hear Sulu. Everything sounded too far away, and he was no longer seeing their faces in front of him. Instead, there was just darkness as the world closed in around him again, making it impossible to draw air, no matter how hard he breathed.

“No! No! We’re next. We’re all gonna be –“

Slaughtered.

His hands went up to cover the sides of his face as he dropped to his knees. Were they all really going to die here because of fungus? Weren’t they supposed to be getting help?

“What’s happening? What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know. Call McCoy, I think he’s having an anxiety attack.”

The cold mud seeping through his pants was slowly replaced by the hard surface of the transport pad. The ship’s packed air went easier into his lungs and he looked up when he felt a warm hand on his back.

“You’re alright. Just breathe.” McCoy patted his back. “You’re safe. Nothing’s going on.”

Jim looked back down, eyes staring at his own hands as he alternative between breathing through his nose and mouth like he was taught. Even after he calmed down, he didn’t want to look up and face anyone else. He was too embarrassed.

“W-Where is everyone?” Jim asked, his voice muffled where his hands were pressed to his face.

“I told Sulu and Chekov to go back to the bridge and keep busy. The rest of the away team is still down there, but they’ll be fine.”

Jim still didn’t look up. He couldn’t believe he finally broke in front of people and they saw him like that. What were they saying about him now? Were they telling everyone else how weak he was? How he had a panic attack over practically nothing?

“Do you wanna come to sickbay for a little while until the other part of the team comes back?” McCoy asked, his hand rubbing small circles on Jim’s back.

“No.” Jim wanted to smack his hand away, but he still didn’t want to move.

“You want some water?”

“No.”

McCoy walked off and Jim heard him say something to Scotty about letting them be alone for a while. Jim sighed loudly in more shame as he heard Scotty leave the transport room. McCoy left after him and Jim heard him come back in a moment later.

“Here, drink this.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Then just hold it. And come sit over here.”

Jim didn’t know how McCoy always managed to make him do stuff he didn’t want to do, but he found himself sitting cross-legged on the floor of the transport room sipping water as McCoy looked him over.

“Feel lightheaded?”

“No.”

“Short of breath?”

“No. I said I’m fine. I just got a little…dizzy down there.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Jim sipped his water. “I just saw some fungus and it made me think about…stuff in the past. I actually felt like I was there again. I mean, I _know_ I wasn’t, but I still felt like I was.”

“Well, you’re not. And you know that will never happen to you again, right?” McCoy placed his hand on Jim’s knee.

Jim rolled his eyes. It could, though. The same dangerous fungus could always somehow make it to another colony or even to Earth, and people would lose their crops and people would starve. He could also always see something that triggered those feelings even when nothing was happening.

“It’s not…just that.” Jim looked away.

“What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t just seeing the fungus that scared me. I’ve been sort of upset for a while about something else. I thought ignoring it would make it go away, but obviously that’s not working.”

“What is it?” McCoy was looking at him like he really cared. Like he’d really listen, and so Jim decided to tell him. He had to tell someone before it killed him.

“You remember how when we first met I told you about that…person I was dating?”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Jim glanced down. “They’re here.”

“Here on the Enterprise?”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed. “I didn’t find out they would be until later, and I thought I’d be okay with seeing them again, but I’m not. They’re too nice to me. They act like the past doesn’t matter, and they’ve forgiven me.”

“That’s good.” He smiled.

“Aren’t you listening? It’s not! Every time I see him –them, and they act like nothing happened, it makes me feel even worse! I was horrible. I just…I can’t stop thinking about what I did to them.” Jim buried his face in his hands again.

Jim noticed McCoy didn’t seem to be saying anything anymore. He looked up and over to see that McCoy seemed to be in deep thought. Jim felt a spike of worry as he wondered if McCoy was just trying to figure out who Jim was talking about.

“I’m going to be completely honest with you.” McCoy finally said.

“Okay.” Jim prepared to hear more about what a horrible person he was.

“You were going through some really bad trauma when you broke up with your partner. Sure, you could have done it kinder, but there’s no denying that you needed time alone to get better. In a way –you did the right thing.”

“What?”

“If this person seems like they’ve forgiven you, then maybe it’s time you forgive yourself.”

Jim’s immediate reaction was to say that was stupid, but as he opened his mouth, the words seemed to make sense. Jim closed his mouth and just shook his head. Could he really forgive himself and move on after how awful he was?

He was still weirdly non-argumentative as Scotty came back in and sat at the console to beam up the rest of the away team. Jim watched as Spock and the other science officer beam in, their containers likely full of interesting specimens. Spock’s eyes immediately landed on Jim.

“Captain, are you alright? I noticed you and the rest of the team did not meet back up with us at the extraction point.”

Jim looked up at Spock, and for a moment it was like he could ignore their uniforms and pretend they were friends again. Or lovers. Everything he promised Spock seemed tangible again.

“Yea, I’m fine, Spock. I just got a little dehydrated down there.” He gave Spock a tiny smile.

“I anticipated such.” Spock reached for the strap of the bag across his shoulder. “I brought water in case we encounter one of the droughts. Though I did not anticipate our team being separated. You should have come spoken to me. I would have given you supplies.”

“You’re right.” Jim stood up.

“Pardon?” Spock seemed to take a moment to register Jim’s words before looking up, his hand pausing from where it was rifling through the bag.

“I said you’re right. I should have come to talk to you. It was stupid to separate the team. It was a bust, and we didn’t even get the sample we wanted.”

“You are referring to this one?” Spock took a container out of the bag. Sealed within the tube of glass was the same orange flower, nestled with its roots in a clump of dirt at the bottom.

“Yes.” Jim couldn’t help but smile wider. “Too bad you need it for your research. We were gonna plant it in the garden.”

“I believe I can observe its growth and properties from there.” Spock said, and only Jim noticed how subtly soft his voice had gotten.  He was suddenly aware they weren’t alone. Spock seemed to notice as well. “Ensign, will you take the other samples to the lab?”

“Yes, Sir.” She took the bag from Spock, and luckily McCoy followed her out without Jim having to catch a glimpse of his facial expression.

“I can take it to the garden now…if you would like to join me, Captain?”

“I…would like to, Spock.” Jim was only moderately careful with his words.

Spock still seemed his unaffected self as they started down the corridor together, but only Jim noticed how he kept looking down at the plant with a soft expression.

“It is beautiful.” Spock whispered almost inaudibly.

“Oh, Spock, did you make sure that specimen didn’t have anything weird on it?” Jim eyed the container as they neared the botanical garden.

“Weird?” Spock held it up eye-level. “Are you referring to worms? There were no earthworms. Hm. Or, perhaps, due to the planet’s current classification, they should be called Campor III worms?”

Jim missed that weird bit of Spock’s dialogue, when he was never sure if it was a joke or just the way Spock’s overly analytical mind worked. It was usually a mix of both, and if it wasn’t, Spock never seemed to mind when Jim laughed anyways.

So he did. Laugh –as they entered the garden and stepped under the beams of artificial sunlight.

“Oh, Spock. You are so goofy.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

 

 

Spock did not know what it was that suddenly changed the dynamic between them and he was too scientifically and emotionally inclined to just accept it. He found himself overly examining every prior interaction between them on the ship as well as every one they had afterwards. He could not find the pattern.

He was not so naïve as to think everything was perfect between them again. While Jim did talk to him and laugh and visit him in the labs, Spock noticed two things.

One, Jim made sure they were never alone completely.  There was always someone nearby or in the next room.

And two, Jim never touched Spock. He kept his hands to himself and actually held them out of the way behind his back when they stood close together.

Spock did not push him to change either of these things. If it took time for Jim to be comfortable around him again, then it would take time for this to change as well. Spock was patient.

Spock changed his routine as well. With their friendship slowly reestablishing itself, Spock did not feel comfortable relieving stress the way he had been. It was back to meditating twice a day and practicing his combat and sparring.

This also meant that in order to spend off-duty time together, Spock could not invite Jim to one-on-one activities the way he’d wanted to. Instead, he invited Jim to come with him to engineering where they played cards with the others. Jim sometimes accepted and sat beside Spock. Spock found it harder to concentrate then and did not win.

He did not know if other people noticed the change between them, though they had to take note when he and Jim got locked in fascinating conversations on the bridge. One day over Jim’s shoulder, Spock saw Sulu give him a thumbs up. Spock made sure to approach him alone after the shift.

“I would appreciate it if you did not tell anyone else about what you believe in the relationship between me and the captain.”

“Sure. It’s not my business anyways, but, uh, I can’t be the only one who’s noticed how much time you spend together now. I might be the only one who knows you have a crush on him.”

“I do not have –“ Spock closed his eyes and took a breath, analyzing the best way to deal with this. “The feelings you thought I had…they were a mistake. The captain is only my friend and superior and nothing more. Do you understand?”

Sulu’s nod was all Spock needed, but he still felt a bit of worry and guilt. Nyota, Scotty, and Keenser all knew Spock had feelings for a human. He did not know what Jim would do if anyone realized _he_ was that human.

Spock could not let that happen.

So, a respectable distant their friendship must remain. Spock had to constantly ignore –for both of their sakes –how badly he wanted to hold Jim’s hand sometimes.

Spock successfully convinced Jim to play chess with him in the rec room one evening. Other officers crowded the table to watch while others held loud conversations over the other games. It was very hard for Spock to concentrate this way, but he still enjoyed Jim’s company.

“Hey, can I ask you for something?” Jim lowered his voice so they would not be overheard.

“Of course. Anything.” Spock looked up from the board. He hoped his instantaneous response was not off-putting. It was only natural. He would do anything for Jim.

“I think it would really help me if I could start meditating again, but I think it’d work best if I was with another person…like a partner.”

“You want to meditate together?” Spock’s mind rapidly constructed a scene in which they were alone, their meditation robes barely covering their exposed bodies. Candle light making Jim glow as he leaned in across the miniscule gap between them. Spock quickly shoved the images away when Jim spoke again.

“Yeah.” He gave Spock a small smile. “It’s really good for anxiety isn’t it?”

“It is.” Spock nodded.

“Checkmate.” Jim moved his final piece and Spock glanced down to see that Jim had beaten him. “Cool, then I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Meet me in the ready room at seven. Here, set it up and play with someone else.”

Jim placed his queen piece in Spock’s palm. The touch of their hands was only for a moment, but Spock felt a rush of warmth through his hand as gold burst behind his eyes. It was their first physical touch in years.

Jim left and Spock found himself still staring down at the piece in his hand. He looked up to make sure no one had seen the likely surprised look on Spock’s face before he put the piece back on the table.

That night, after carefully logging in Ko-elki’s current weight and diet into his notes, he had to decide what to gather for their meditation in the morning.

The ready room was only a table, chairs, and video monitor. They’d need mats and candles and…robes? No.

“I cannot bring these things, can I?” Spock asked Ko-elki. She was too busy grooming her pudgy stomach to realize he was talking to her. “Hm…”

Spock laid in bed that night after finishing his last bit of work. The image filled his mind again of he and Jim, alone. The ready room was not as private as Spock had hoped and he could not see any conclusion in which they would have more romantic physical contact. He rolled over in bed, mentally shaking himself and reminding himself of what Jim had said.

Anxiety. Spock was no mental health expert, but he knew for certain Jim had that, and if he wanted Spock’s help, then Spock had to put that first. He closed his eyes and prepared for platonic meditation.

It was as Spock had figured. Spock walked into the ready room the next morning to see that Jim had pushed the table and video screen against the wall, leaving a large portion of the floor bare.

“This is good, right?” Jim asked, moving the last chair out of the way.

“The space is all we need for adequate meditation, yes.” Spock nodded.

He sat down cross-legged on the floor and Jim did the same, sitting across from him. Spock calculated almost two feet between them. Too much space.

“Thanks for helping me.” Jim said quietly as he placed his hands on his knees. “It’s not that I forgot how or anything, it’s just…I honestly get anxious when I’m alone with my thoughts for too long.”

“Have you considered consulting a mental health professional?” Spock asked. He was genuinely concerned and was even ready to say that Dr. McCoy could contact one. Having incoming kittens together had actually made Spock close to McCoy and he could attest to him being a good doctor. And he did seem to care for Jim.

“Yes. I have. She helped me a lot over the past few years. I even take medicine.” Jim gave him a small smile. “Getting better every day.”

“Good.” Spock was genuinely happy.

They closed their eyes and Spock listened to the sound of Jim’s breathing, trying to match his own to the rhythm. He found that Jim’s was slightly fast –a sign of anxiety. Spock longed to reach over and hold his hand.

Jim’s breathing slowed and became more in sync with Spock’s as they sat in silence. Spock felt his inner peace rising as record speed in response of being so close to his T’hy’la. As he tuned out every noise he became aware of something he had not seen for a very long time.

The link between their minds was alone. It was no longer webbed with other mental links from Spock’s past. The one with his parents had long since faded, leaving this one strong.

He was hesitant to touch it. He wanted to more than anything, but it was such an intimate thing –to connect. He couldn’t do that now, though he wondered if Jim had sensed the link in his own mind any time in the past few years.

The sound of someone opening the door tore Spock from his focus. The link fell away as Spock opened his eyes and turned to see McCoy standing in the doorway.

“What…are you two doing?”

“Meditating.” Jim looked over and smiled. “But, uh, my back is killing me now from the floor.”

“Yes, we really should do this with mats.” Spock stood up. He already felt more relaxed. “Next time?” He prompted.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Jim seemed more relaxed as well.

“You left this outside. Pike’s requesting a call.” McCoy handed Jim his PADD.

“Alright. Spock, help me set this stuff back up?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Spock helped Jim push the table back into the center of the floor. Afterwards, Spock sat straight with his hands folded on the table and listened in with Jim’s call. It was the first time Spock had seen Pike in a while. He seemed happy.

“Nice to see you, Sir.” Jim’s posture slacked and he leaned on his elbow. “How’s the wife?”

“She’s fine. Now, listen to this. You’re gonna love this too, Spock, so I asked to be the one to tell you.” Pike’s eyes flicked to him for a moment. “Your next mission is on T'Kuht.”

“Vulcan’s sister planet.” Spock’s eyebrows went up. “That is where a very large research center is. I have been wanted to visit the scientists there for years.”

Spock would get a chance to move some of his completed experiments to their facility, as well as view theirs. It was also a completely different climate than Vulcan. How fascinating. He would be around other Vulcans again as well.

Spock held in his excitement as Jim relayed the information to the crew. According to their calculations, they would reach T'Kuht in less than two days. Spock looked up over Jim’s chair to the large view port, watching the vast darkness of space out there. Home. It was only a short ways from T'Kuht and was visible from its sky.

“It’s cold on T'Kuht, isn’t it?” Nyota asked.

“Cold for a Vulcan.” Spock nodded. “But comfortable for humans. The temperature at this time of year is around seventy.”

Spock wanted to ask if Jim remembered visiting the museum in ShiKahr where they saw the model city of T'Kuht. That was such a long time ago, but Jim seemed to enjoy it. But they never talked about the past, and he did not want to do so in front of other people.

They began discussing the mission and Spock answered everyone’s questions about the planet that he could.

“The research center is just beside the ancient ruins. It is said that ancient T'Kuhttics –a species with similar origins to Vulcans –once prospered on their planet until a meteor destroyed all life there. The West T'Kuht ruins are the largest remaining pieces of their civilization.”

After reading over more of the mission files, Spock realized he knew one of the scientists they would be meeting. Sek was the head archeologist at the ruins. Spock wondered if Sek would offer to take them into the ruins. It could be dangerous. And fascinating.

“Right, so we should be there in about…thirty-ish hours. We’re on course, Mr. Sulu?”

“Yes, Sir.”

The excitement of meditating with Jim and finding their link was put aside in favor of Spock’s other love for science. He went into his personal files and contemplated which of his experiments he wanted to put into the facility.

After the shift, Spock’s eyes did not leave his PADD as he read over his files. He walked into the turbo lift without looking up. Only when a familiar human scent invaded his space did he look up and see who he was riding with.

“Hey, are you really busy with work?” Jim asked.

“No.” Spock said automatically without checking.

“I was wondering –it’s fine if you don’t wanna –but if we could meditate again tonight? With the mission coming up, I really gotta get…you know.”

“Of course.”

Spock knew that as a colonized planet, T'Kuht offered little to know danger. Still, Jim was responsible for everyone on the ship, so his nerves were understandable.

“We need somewhere more comfortable, though.” Jim muttered to himself in thought.

“We could go to my quarters.”  Spock said without thinking. His heart began pounding, but he remained outwardly impassive.

“Okay. I’ll see you after dinner.”

Spock nodded. He perceived a slight pinkness to Jim’s face and he wondered if there was a similar rise of color to his own face. He would have to prepare to have Jim in his room.

After dinner in his quarters, Spock quickly began to clean the already tidy room. He put away everything on his desk, including his music player, into one of the drawers.

He then had to decide what to wear. Spock could not remember ever caring this much before, except when Jim was involved. He had the robe he usually wore, but he did not want it to make Jim uncomfortable.

He instead settled for ordinary long pajamas. He’d need them since he was going to lower the temperature to be comfortable for a human.

Spock lit his favorite incense and lowered the lights just slightly as there was a knock on the door to the bathroom. Spock narrowed his eyes and looked from that door to the one that led out into the corridor. He opened it to see Jim.

He then understood why Jim chose not to come around through the hallway. Jim was also wearing pajamas. A t-shirt and long pants. Spock could see the majority of his tattoos due to the short sleeves. He felt as if his brain was short-circuiting.

“Are you…gonna let me in?” Jim asked.

“Yes.” Spock stepped aside, feeling his face flush again as he found he could not take his eyes off of Jim’s arms. He never saw Jim exercising when he was, but it was now evident that he must do so frequently.

“It’s kinda cold in here.” Jim said as he stepped in.

“Apologies. I was trying to make it comfortable for you.” Spock bumped the temperature back up a tad.

“Wow, she’s getting so fat!” Jim chuckled as he crouched down by Ko-elki’s bed.

“Yes. A healthy weight for her breed during pregnancy.” Spock crouched down as well and watched the way she looked between them, her whiskers twitching.

“Is it true she used to get out and run around the ship when Pike was captain?” Jim asked with a laugh.

“No. That only happened once.” Spock said adamantly. Jim just laughed harder.

Jim’s laugh was so beautiful. Spock had not forgotten it at all, but hearing it in person after so long seemed to have a very strong affect on him. Spock could feel his heart rate increase significantly, and it felt as if he were warm all over his body, despite the lowered temperature.

“It smells good in here.”

“It’s the incense.”

Spock felt like all of the air was slowly escaping the room. Were the ships viewports attached correctly? Yes. Of course they were. He was just nervous. Human emotion over being around his T’hy’la like this.

He thought he was past this long ago when they finally admitted their feelings. It was back full force now, despite his awkward teen years being over. He just needed to meditate.

“We should get started.” Jim said.

“Yes, of course.”

Spock laid down a thick blanket on the floor and sat down. Jim sat down across from him, his back against the foot of Spock’s bed. Over Jim’s shoulder, Spock saw the sleeve of his favorite sweatshirt poking out from under his pillow. He hoped Jim wouldn’t notice.

Jim closed his eyes and Spock did the same. He focused on matching their breathing and keeping his body still. Soon, he was aware of nothing. Not the coolness of the air or the feeling of the blanket underneath him. There was just the gentle waves of gold in his mind space.

He saw their link plainly in his mind, and again, he hesitated. Jim was so close, not just physically, but telepathically as well. Did Jim see it too? What would he do if he heard Spock’s voice in his mind after so long?

Just to check, Spock hesitantly opened his eyes to see what Jim was doing. What he found softened his face and brought a smile to his lips.

Jim was leaned back against the foot of the bed, his head resting against it as he breathed softly. Spock glanced at the chronometer and saw it had been almost an hour since they’d sat down together. Sleeping was not necessarily a bad way to meditate.

Spock took a moment to admire Jim’s beauty as he slept. His hair had fallen from its usual smoothness as if it’d succumbed to the day’s work. The collar of his t-shirt swooped low, and Spock could see a fourth tattoo he’d never seen before. The small V shapes of birds along his collar bone.

“Captain?” Spock whispered. “Jim?”

There was no response. Jim was very much asleep.

Spock inched closer, crawling to sit by Jim, holding his breath so as not to disturb him as he sat back down, sitting beside Jim. He slowly let his breath out as settled back, their thighs touching.

Spock sat completely still. His heart was pounding again, all relaxation from meditation was gone again and he was nervous. Jim’s hand was resting on his knee, just inches from Spock’s own hand. Spock wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to hold his hand so badly. More than he ever had before.

He recalled a time in their youth where it felt as if holding Jim’s hand was the most important thing in the world. He was going to die if he didn’t do it. He felt that way again now.

Spock knew it was wrong to do this when Jim was asleep, but he could not help himself. And it was not as if he was really hurting anyone. Spock glanced to Jim’s face to make sure he was still asleep. He held his breathe again as he reached down and very gently placed his hand on Jim’s.

Jim continued to sleep, so Spock carefully flipped Jim’s hand over, palm up. He kept glancing at Jim’s face to make sure he wouldn’t wake up as Spock brushed two fingers over Jim’s. It made his whole body tremor to do something so intimate. The urge to kiss Jim was so strong, but Spock resisted.

His resistance failed as his mind burned bright gold. Their hands were kissing the Vulcan way. Their faces were so close, their minds so connected. The link was just behind Spock’s eyes. He could just close his eyes and connect with Jim.

Jim wouldn’t mind, right? Spock still loved him, after all. But did Jim return his love? There was nothing implying he didn’t. But there was little implying he did.

Spock lifted Jim’s hand, pressing the back of it to his cheek. So warm. Jim continued to sleep. Spock then pressed the back to his mouth, kissing the skin. His body continued to shake.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was barely audible. He was not sure if he wanted Jim to hear. “T’hy’la…I…I –“

_“Mr. Spock?”_

The outburst from the comm in Spock’s desk made him jump. He dropped Jim’s hand and scrambled back. Jim opened his eyes and looked at him as Spock stood up and pulled the comm from the drawer.

“Spock here.” Spock’s heart rate was steadily lowering as he looked down at the floor, ignoring Jim.

“ _It’s Scotty. There seems to be something wrong with the transporter. I’ve been at it, but I can’t seem to get it working again, and I know we’ll be arriving tomorrow. Think you can give me a hand?”_

“I –“ Spock was only partially listening as Jim stood up from the floor and stretched with a yawn. As his arms went over his head, his shirt rose up, giving Spock a delicious view.

“ _Spock?”_

“Yes. I will be there in a moment.” Spock hung up.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. What time is it?”

“Just after nine.” Spock said.

“Hmm. I should probably go crash. Sorry I didn’t meditate right.” There was a smirk on his face, as if he knew something. Spock both loved it and feared it.

“There was nothing wrong with getting rest,” Spock put the comm back on the desk. “If you needed it.”

“Right.” Jim chuckled.

“I should…” Spock glanced towards the door.

“Right.” He said again. “Go help Scotty. I’m gonna hit the hay. Call me if you need anything.”

“Of course.” Spock nodded.

“Night, Spock.” Jim started towards the bathroom door.

“Good night, Captain.”

“Oh, Spock?” He turned back.

“Yes?”

“…Nothing.” Jim opened the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When he was gone, Spock felt oddly empty. As he got dressed to see Scotty, he imagined Jim’s hand in his again. It was so warm. It felt amazing. He did not feel as empty as he put on his uniform and headed to the transport room.

The only thing was, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Jim was going to say to him, and what he’d wanted to say as well.

 

No matter how many tests they ran, Spock and Scotty could not seem to diagnose the problem. The transporter was not working and neither was the console, meaning they wouldn’t be able to locate anyone’s signal while they were below.

“Hm. The teams just gonna have to take a shuttle down, I guess.” Scotty sighed. “Captain’s not gonna like it.”

“I could break the news to him. It is only logical and safe to avoid trying the transporter until after the mission. Perhaps some of the scientists can look at it.”

“Nah, they won’t be able to understand all my…special modifications.” Scotty said, placing his arms over the console defensively.

“Was it your modifications that caused the malfunction?” Spock asked honestly.

“Nah. I think Keenser was eating while he was working and got crumbs in the circuits.” Scotty laughed loudly as Spock and Keenser exchanged looks.

“I will go tell the captain.” Spock sighed.

 

Jim was a little annoyed, but otherwise seemed fine the next morning when Spock told him. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms as he seemed in deep thought.

“Well, I definitely don’t want anyone using it if it’s broken. Their atoms could get, like, scrambled into space or something.”

“True.”

“We’ll just take a shuttle. Let’s get the supplies ready. We can’t be too careful.”

“The Vulcans are very nice.” Spock assured him.

“I know that.” He chuckled. “I meant like water and stuff. You can’t be too careful.”

“True.”

 

Spock walked up and down the aisle of the small shuttle, taking inventory on his PADD as they neared T'Kuht. There were weapons, tricorders, and even survival bags –despite the fact that the Vulcan scientists were giving them complete accommodations.

He also made sure they all had functioning communicators to talk to Scotty and Dr. McCoy in the case of an emergency. He checked the last item before stepping out of the shuttle.

Jim, Nyota, Sulu and Chekov were waiting outside to board. Ensign Davis and a few other officers were there to see them off.

“I made sure every experiment is ready to depart.” Davis said, patting a large sealed crate.

“Thank you very much for your help.” Spock took the crate, picturing inside everything he’d been working on for so long. He could not wait to show the other scientists. The last item was finally loaded and Spock gave the okay for everyone to board.

Spock watched everyone enter, making sure they were safe before they were settled before closing the door behind them all. He noticed the seat by Jim was empty. Across from him, the seat by Nyota was also empty. He locked gazes with her and she rolled her eyes. Spock sat down beside Jim and buckled up.

“Wow!”

Spock leaned up to see out the window over Jim. T'Kuht was larger than Vulcan and pale blue, growing darker as they went closer and closer. He could see the tops of the buildings and wondered which was the research center as they landed.

He tried to stay safe and wait until they were completely stopped to unbuckle, but he was also quite excited. He stood up and attempted to reach the door, as did everyone else.

 “Now,” Spock held up a hand and everyone fell silent, save for a few stray laughs. “We are about to be in the company of Vulcans.”

“Spock’s right.” Jim raised his voice  and squeezed forward towards the door. “I know we’re all excited, but guys, let’s be serious. We’re guests here, and it’s a fascinating place.”

“Wait,” Chekov said. “How does that Vulcan hello go?”

“Like this.” Jim demonstrated the ta’al as the doors opened.

Spock followed Jim out and soon they were standing in front of some of the scientists. They all wore lab coats over their robes and Spock realized he was the only Vulcan wearing pants. It was an odd thing to notice, yet he noticed it none the less.

“Welcome, Crew of Enterprise. My name is Tallera. I am in charge of the biological research here. We are honored to have you.” She was an older Vulcan woman with grey hair pulled back in a bun. She held up the ta’al in greeting.

“We’re honored to be here.” Jim returned the gesture.

“ _We are very honored indeed. This is a lovely planet and I’m sure you have fascinating things to show us.”_ Nyota stepped forward slightly, demonstrating the ta’al herself. Spock knew Jim did not know enough Vulcan to understand what she’d said, but Spock still saw him narrow his eyes at her just slightly.

“ _Yes.”_ Spock agreed. “ _Please lead the way. We are your humble guests.”_

“First, you may beam down your cargo into our foyer just inside the research center.” She gesture to the building behind her.

“Unfortunately our transporter is not working at the moment.” Spock said. “I will take the crate manually.”

“You need a hand?” Jim offered.

“Yes,  I—“

“I will have one of our own help you. It is only logical that I take you all inside for refreshments.” She reached for a small communicator in her front coat pocket. “The rest of the crew, please come with me.”

They all seemed excited about refreshments, even though Spock knew it would not last when they realized the refreshments were likely just water and some sort of vegetable spread.

Jim looked back at Spock with a small smile before leading the group after Tallera. Spock went to the cargo hatched and opened it. He heard footsteps and turned to see another Vulcan approaching.

He wasn’t wearing a lab coat and his robes were stained with the purplish grey dirt that coated the planet. He had a backpack on that seemed overly stuffed with something.

“Greetings Commander Spock.”

“Greetings Doctor Sek.” Spock gave him the ta’al.

“There is no need to use my full title.” He went around to the other side of the crate.

“Then there is no need for you to use mine.” Spock said as they lifted it together and lowered it to the ground. When Sek turned back towards the shuttle, Spock saw whatever was in his backpack start moving. Suddenly, a furry head poked out from beneath the flap. Spock stepped back in alarm.

“Oh, he is quite harmless.” Sek took his backpack off and the baby sehlat jumped out onto the dirt. It bore its fangs at Spock and Spock felt a soft fondness. “The wilderness around the research center shall remain untamed as long as we are here, since it is not our place to disturb it. Still, it is dangerous, so we keep sehlats to protect us.”

“He is quite small.” Spock bent down and patted his head. “But he keeps you all safe?”

“I have not seen one predator approach as long as Wari is with me.” He reached down to pet the animal’s head again.

It was strange to receive such mutual respect with a Vulcan he had gone to school with. Sek had never really participated in Spock’s bullying, but he also never attempted to stop it like T’Pring did. Still, they were both adults now and both working in science fields. Spock decided to remain strictly professional.

They left the other cargo in the shuttle and Spock made a note to fetch it before they all retired that not. He and Sek took the crate inside and settled it among other cases and boxes of experimental equipment and specimens. He then led Spock into the next room where the rest of the crew was.

“As you can see, we are currently in the ground floor of the resident hall. All of the scientists live here. Across the way is the biochemical lab. That is where I work with my team. The attached building is the specimen housing. Saavik is the head of the research there.”

Tallera gestured to the slide on the view screen showing a map of every building in the research center. Spock stepped forward and skimmed it over, memorizing it just in case.

“Will Saavik be joining us?” Sek asked her. There was a hint of brighter emotion behind the usual Vulcan stoicism that Spock took note of.

“She and Saros are working out in the fields now. I am unsure when they will be finished.”

Sek nodded and Spock turned his attention back to Tallera’s description of the lab where she worked. Everyone else seemed interested, but Spock saw Jim slip away before going to stand beside him.

“You missed the slide showing the neighboring villages. Why do Vulcans like coming to live here when there’s no…nothing? No offense.”

“Some Vulcans believe our home planet is becoming too advanced and Vulcans are becoming too soft from a lack of physical challenges in everyday life. They come here to live off the land and brace the cold weather.”

“You one day? Maybe?” Jim raised an eyebrow.

“No. I do not care for the cold.”’

Tallera finished the presentation and Sek offered to take them to see some of the experiments. Spock and the others followed him outside and as they crossed the grounds, a breeze came by. Jim tilted his face back and sighed. Spock suppressed a shiver as they entered the building.

Everyone –Spock especially –was in awed fascination at the science experiments they viewed. Spock thought of his science team on the Enterprise and how much they would enjoy this. If only the transporter was working.

Well, at least this visit could establish good Starfleet relations with T’Kuht, perhaps allowing for future visits with the entirety of the team.

Spock took diligent mental notes and even a few on his PADD. He had long conversations with the other Vulcan scientists as he was finally allowed to open the crate and show them his experiments.

When it grew late, the crew went back to the resident hall for dinner. It had been a long time since Spock had eaten any homemade Vulcan food, and he was looking forward to it.

“Please, sit.” Tallera took them into the dining room. “It is my duty to cook tonight. I will go see what we have for appetizers.”

Jim sat beside Spock and Spock went over the photos he’d taken of his experiments in the prestigious Vulcan science lab. He promptly sent the pictures to T’Pring. When he looked up past everyone else, he noticed Sek standing by the door, looking at his PADD with a troubled expression.

“Are you alright?” Spock asked as he approached.

“I am…logically concerned.” He said. “I have not heard from Saavik since this morning. She should be back at the resident hall by now.”

“Perhaps her work is running late. Have you contacted her?”

“Both her and Saros, but I have received no answer. The fields are dangerous, and they do not have a sehlat with them in case something happens.”

“What’s up?” Jim asked, approaching.

“Two of the scientists have yet to return from the fields.” Spock told him.

“Maybe we should go look for them.” Jim said.

“We do have protocols for emergencies like this.” Sek said. “We will have to gather the supplies and contact the neighboring villages and tell them we are missing –“

“No, let’s just go now.” Jim said. “We’ve got supplies in the shuttle.”

“The captain is right.” Spock nodded. “It is dangerous, and we must act fast in case they are hurt.”

“Hurt…” Sek shook his head just slightly. “You are guests and we cannot ask you to do this on our behalf.”

“It’s what we do.” Jim grinned. “Collect cool space rocks for science, and fight evil aliens. Let’s go.”

“Alright.” Sek nodded. “Follow me.”

 

They strap on the survival packs from the shuttle. Spock suppressed another shiver at the way the sunlight is gently escaping, leaving the breezes colder.

“Saavik and Saros were working in the west fields.” Sek said, reaching for a PADD and turning it on. He started in that direction and they all followed. In between two buildings, Spock could see surrounding woods.

“These specimens,” Sulu asked. “Are animals, right?”

“Correct. Varanus mostly –large lizards. They have been studying their mating patterns as well as the possibility of using their venom as a new type of medicine.”

“They?” Jim prompted.

“Saavik and the others.” Sek said. “I study the ruins. I know very little about the lizards, but I know they are poisonous. The ones belonging to our reserves have chips and tags so that they can be tracked. I am thinking that perhaps some escaped, and Saavik and Saros are trying to find them.”

“This has happened before?” Nyota asked.

“No. But Saavik is not the type to give up on them. Some have been raised since hatchlings, and would not know how to face the wild. She would do the illogical thing in putting her own safety aside for them.”

“I am sure we will find her.” Spock knew Sek would not admit to feeling any sort of way about the situation, but he wanted to say that anyways. Sek nodded.

Spock looked to Jim, who was flipping open and closing a communicator with a look of deep thought. He was likely comforted knowing McCoy was only one call away, even if it would take a shuttle for him to arrive should they need it.

“If anyone does get hurt. We have medical training.” Sek said. He then reached for his bag. “I also have the greatest tool to an archeologist.”

Spock expected Wari to poke his head out of the bag, but instead Sek pulled something else out. A flashlight. He turned it on as they entered the thick woods, all falling into a thinner line on the dirt path.

“Good idea.” Jim said and they all reached for their own flashlights.

Spock pressed closer to the center as he realized the branches lining the path were covered in thorns. He heard a few gasps from the group as the thorns tore at their clothes, felt a few jostles as they occasionally snagged their  boots on a root.

Finally, they seemed to fall into a comfortable pace as they all shuffled through the growing darkness. Spock felt cold, but pressed on.

“Her communicator is still not on.” Sek said, checking his own after they’d be silent for a while.

“Maybe she dropped it.” Chekov said.

“Perhaps.” Sek said.

“What if she and Saros get back to the research center first?” Jim asked.

“Tallera or one of the others will contact me. I never turn my communicator off. It is much too dangerous. Saavik just gets ahead of herself. She forgets to check it –or to stop and rest sometimes.”

“Illogical.” Spock said.

Sek glanced at Spock, his mouth already open for a defensive retort. He must have noticed Spock’s expression –soft even for a Vulcan and showing amusement. Sek’s own lips twitched in a suppressed smile and he turned his gaze back to the path ahead. Spock understood Sek had a fondness for Saavik, and there was no judgment there.

“There’s something reflective up there!” Jim said, pointing with his flashlight.

Sek and Spock dashed ahead and Spock saw it was a backpack, just like the one Sek wore. There were reflective buckles on the straps, and Spock could see a battery pack for a flashlight in the side pouch.

“It is Saavik’s.” Sek said. There was fear in his voice as he touched one of the straps tenderly.

“She dropped it?” Nyota asked.

“No.” Jim moved the beam of his light. “She left it behind when she went in there.”

Spock had not noticed the mouth of the cavern until just now. Trees and vines shrouded most of it, leaving a dark expanse of the opening partially covered.

“This is one of the entrances to the ruins.” Spock said, looking at Sek.

“Yes.” He nodded. “But she cannot have gone in there. She knows it is dangerous since –“

He shined his light down on the ground, Spock looked to see two set of boot prints in the dirt. Sek’s gaze hardened as he looked back up at the cavern.

“You said so yourself.” Nyota’s voice was soft. “She’d do anything for the specimens. If one went in there, she must have followed it.”

“But the animals fear this place.” Sek said.

“Why? Did the T’Kuhttics leave a curse?” Jim either trying to cut the tension or genuinely be funny, but even Spock didn’t smile.

“No. There was a cave in.” Sek kept his light beam on the cave entrance. “Approximately two weeks ago. My archeology partner was near the sight and injured. We lost an entire path of the ruins, completely irreplaceable carvings and months of research were destroyed. The entire inner structure of the cave is different now. And I have not yet gotten to remap it all. The cause of the cave in… I believe to be an explosive, though I have no logical thoughts on who could have done it and why.”

“It does look like she went in there.” Spock reminded Sek, pointing his light at the footprints. “Saros as well.” Sek closed his eyes for a moment before nodding sternly.

“Then I am going in to look for her.”

“We’re coming too.” Jim said.

Sek didn’t protest. Instead, he just moved the branches aside and stepped into the cave. The others did the same and Spock stopped to pick up Saavik’s bag.

“Listen to me.” Sek said as they all entered, his voice echoing in the darkness.

“Go ahead.” Jim urged. “You’re the archeologist here. It’s whatever you say.”

“I do not know what is dangerous and what is not. If you sense danger, run. If you see any of Saavik’s specimens, do not try and pick them up. Your own safety is more important. Do you all have communicators? Contact myself or Captain Kirk if you find Saros, Saavik, or you need help.”

“We’re splitting up?” Nyota asked.

“We must. Look.” Sek walked deeper into the cavern and Spock saw that the large pathway was now split into two, the middle blocked by rock.

“Let’s split up then.” Jim said. Spock overheard Nyota mumble something about knowing exactly who was definitely going with who, but he ignored it. “Lieutenant Uhura can come with me and Commander Spock. Sulu and Chekov, go with Sek.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sulu nodded.

“Remember what Sek said. Stay close and call if you need it.”

“Thank you very much for this, Captain.” Sek nodded.

“Come on, guys.” Jim squeezed into the smaller of the paths and Spock followed, with Nyota behind him.

Through the new formed rock wall separating the paths, Spock could hear Sek and the others’ footsteps and voices, but as their path changed, the sound slowly faded.

“Look at these…I wonder what they mean.” Nyota shined her light on the walls and Spock noticed it was smooth rock with many symbols carved in.

“Sek said he had been studying them for years.” Spock said. “He still does not know their significance.”

“Maybe it’s like a map.” Jim offered. “If the T’Kuhttics lived in here, then they needed to remember how to get around by feeling the wall –there’s no light.”

“Not bad, Kirk.” Nyota’s lips twitched in a slight smile as she reached out to touch the wall, her fingers moving over the deep etchings. Jim and Spock did the same and Spock tried to memorize what he was feeling.

“Let’s keep going.” Jim said after a moment.

Spock took his tricorder out but gave up and put it back when he scanned nothing. There was only the sound of their footsteps and the occasionally drop of water or roll of rock chipping away from the walls.

Spock had counted almost five-hundred steps since the carving walls, and now guessed that the others were just as far away from the caverns entrance. It was dark now that Nyota and Spock turned their lights on to save the battery.

His eyes followed Jim’s light beam as his hand went out to touch the wall as they walked. He was feeling for more carvings, but as they passed by more and more collapsed rocks, Spock figured they were treading within a formerly untouched portion of the cave.

Just as Spock was going to suggest calling Sek to check the other team’s progress, he tripped over something large in the middle of the path. He stumbled and nearly crashed into Jim, who dropped his flashlight.

“Oh Jesus!”

“Ouch.”

“What was that? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I –I –Oh no.”

“What? What?”

Jim scrambled for his light and finally shined it on whatever it was that Spock had tripped on. They all collectively gasped and Nyota’s hand flew to her mouth in shock.

A Vulcan’s body was lying on the ground, his limbs out as if he’d attempted to break his own fall too late. Green blood trickled from his nose and somewhere on his neck. Spock bent down and pressed his fingers to the Vulcan’s wrist.

“He is alive. Barely.”

“Is it Saros?” Nyota asked shakily.

“I’m calling Bones.” Jim flipped open his communicator.

“Wait –“ Spock took out his own flashlight and scanned the floor. Splotches of green blood dotted the way they were heading and disappeared up ahead around a corner. “If Saavik was with him, then she must have gone that way. Perhaps she found a way out, or she is still here and injured as well.”

“Kirk to Enterprise?” Jim pulled the communicator back a tad and sighed. “I’m trying Sek next.”

“I am going to go up ahead and check.” Spock stepped forward.

“Spock –“ Nyota turned to him, her arm outstretched towards his shoulder. She seemed to think better of it, and pulled back.

“You two must stay with him.”

“Spock…” Jim’s voice was not as worried as Spock would have expected from the human. Perhaps he hid it will due to the company.

“I will not be long. I am just going to check for the exit. I will double back and find you.” He started towards the path. He took off Saavik’s backpack and gave it to them.

“Kirk, support his head. Maybe I can stop the bleeding.” Nyota shuffled, bending down. Jim’s agreement and sounds of his own shuffling faded as Spock took the corner.

It was definitely untouched here. Rocks jutted from the floor every few feet and Spock’s boots skidded on freshly dislodged bits of cave from the wall. The walls were not smooth and there were no carvings to mark his way.

His movements were slowed by constantly stopping to sweep the cave floor and look for blood. He paused by a fork in the path and had to carefully look for any traces of blood to know which path to take.

Finally, Spock began to worry. His heart pounded and he seemed to have lost the blood trail. He prayed the path didn’t fork again up ahead. He was falling on last resorts.

“Saavik?” He called softly. “Saavik? Where are you? I am not going to hurt you. I came with Sek to find you. I am part of the Enterprise crew. My name is Spock –“

Something slammed into Spock from the side. Spock dropped his flashlight as his boots struggled for footing among the rocky ground.

The thing slammed into him again and Spock felt the definitely feel of hands and arms as his back hit the cave wall. Rocks jabbed into his back but he pushed back against the person.

His flashlight had fallen inches from the wall, leaving no light for Spock to work with. His martial arts training instinctively kicked in and he blindly blocked the attacks. He relied on his other sensed and the offensive combat Pike taught him to strike back.

There was something oddly familiar about the stranger’s fighting style, Spock noted as felt his attacks turned back onto him, causing him to hit the opposite wall. It was as if they both used the same moves, though where Spock’s training had been supplemented by Starfleet combat, the stranger’s seemed to be supplemented as if they’d been taught to fight by a wild animal.

Spock felt them kicking his side and clawing him with long nails and he struck out blindly, feeling his hand connect with air. There was a thundering rush of footsteps and Spock heard Jim’s distant voice.

“Spock!? Where are you!?”

“Jim!”

 Spock glanced back towards the voice just as the stranger shoved him hard. He fell back, his head hitting a rock just as Jim and Nyota entered the wider part of the cave. Someone’s flashlight beam landed on them.

The stranger hissed and stepped back from the light, but Spock gasped. The Vulcan was wearing dirty robes streaked with blood, and a hooded cloak shrouded his face.

He then stepped forward into the light, a nasty smile on his dirty face. He pushed back his hood, revealing long scraggly hair that was tied back. His dark soulless eyes followed Spock as he slowly stood up.

“Spock…you dare tread here? You may have convinced those of our birthplace to turn on me, but you are on _my_ world now.”

There were more footsteps as Sek and the others entered from the path behind Jim. Sek ran forward, shining a second beam of light onto the stranger. He sounded more confused than disgusted or angry.

“Stonn? What are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)
> 
> naughty vulcans get exiled to the other planet. like australia only with less kangaroos.
> 
> NEXT TIME: THE FINAL CHAPTER! (probably) 
> 
> it's been wild, y'all. follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this has mistakes i'm sorry im publishing at 2 am.
> 
> also, warning: this chapter contains a non-consensual mind meld.

“What are you doing here?” Sek asked. “You are not supposed to leave your village. None of the banished are allowed on this land.”

Stonn ignored him. Under the beams of several flashlights, Spock could see him clearly. He was in worse shape than anyone Spock had ever seen. His eyes were full of anger and he kept his hands on his hood, as if he were just waiting to shield himself again.

“I do not conform to your laws. I have no reason to.” His eyes locked onto Spock’s. “You… You are really here, Half-breed?”

Spock didn’t feel offense. Instead, his eyes just narrowed in almost curiosity. The last he’d heard of Stonn, he’d been banished from the city. Spock had no idea he’d actually been banished from the planet entirely. Still, it made sense. Attempted murder was almost unheard of on Vulcan.

“I am here with my crew. We are looking for Saavik. You know where she is. I saw her trail.” Spock heard Sek’s sharp intake of breath from beside him.

“Crew? Ah, you mean the humans. I should have known you would have been following them even now still. It would have made planning much easier.”

“Planning?”

“To exterminate all Half-breeds! They dare live among Vulcans and call themselves such. When my clan knew you existed, we were disgusted! And then your traitor of a father dare invested us with another!”

“Where is Saavik!?” Sek growled.

“Ah…the _other_ Half-breed. Do not interfere with my plans, Sek. For once, just do as I say.”

“Where is she!?”

“Silence!” Stonn bared his teeth. “You are not even understanding what I am saying! You should be grateful I do not want to kill you after you betrayed me!”

“Betrayed you? Because I did not follow you out of ShiKahr?”

“You were my confidant! You listened when I logically explained how the Half-breeds were destroying Vulcan! Yet, when the time came for you to assist my clan, you did not do what we agreed!”

“I was never going to hurt Spock! I never hated hybrids the way you did. There is nothing wrong with him!”

“Wrong!” Stonn growled. “He is wrong! And disgusting! Just like that Romulan thing you are so fond of! Just like his sister, who dares to run around bonded to another Vulcan female! Just like the _two_ Half-breeds that have been born since her! They are infecting us!”

“Shut up!” Jim stepped forward, coming between Spock and Sek. Spock felt Jim’s shoulder nudge him just a tad and his heart pounded. “Tell us where Saavik is now! We already have more officers on the way since we found Saros’ body.”

Stonn stared at Jim for a moment before looking to Spock and back again. He smiled, showing his fangs. Spock’s stomach turned. It was so unsettling to see a Vulcan this way.

“Oh, human. He really is still following you everywhere. How shameful. Your officers will not come here and they will not touch Saros. A full Vulcan dying is only a small price to pay for the death of two Half-breeds.”

“You won’t touch Spock.” Jim’s voice was so un-shakingly icy that Spock felt as if it were going down his spine.

“Where is Saavik!?” Sek asked again.

“Shut up, both of you.” Stonn rolled his eyes. “I am done talking. These caverns are no longer yours. I have lurked here and implanted my own explosives over every inch. If you do not want to be trapped or crushed, I suggest you obey.”

“He’s bluffing.” Jim breathed.

“Vulcans do not lie.” Spock reminded him.

“No, you listen to me.” Jim raised his voice again. “We came here to find Saavik and we’re not leaving without her. This revenge is pathetic, so I suggest you just go back to where you were banished to.”

“Revenge?” He shook his head. “This is _not_ revenge. Spock beating me all those years ago was simply a roadblock in my father’s larger plan to exterminate the inferiors. We were sent here, and my father was stripped of his title as a healer. He died with nothing! And so I continue his plan. Two Half-breeds will die tonight.”

Spock was listening carefully, waiting for something, anything. Stonn’s robes could be hiding a weapon as well as a detonator with no problem. Spock could not risk everyone else’s lives by underestimating the enemy.

Spock’s gaze moved to Jim as he reached for his belt and drew his phaser. Stonn’s eyes widened and then narrowed as he dashed to the side. The beam singed a flap of Stonn’s robes before striking the ceiling, causing rocks to fall and the tunnel to shake.

Stonn barreled into the crew blocking the return path from the tunnel. He held out his hand and let his bare fingers curl around the upper arm of the nearest person.

Chekov screamed so loudly that Spock thought there was going to be another cave-in. Everyone either jumped back or tried to go towards them.

“Don’t touch him!” Jim grabbed Sulu’s arm.

Chekov dropped to his knees as his screaming died, his mouth still open and his eyes still wide. Stonn smiled in satisfaction before pulling his hand back. Chekov’s eyes closed and he collapsed.

“Pavel!”

“You will not try anything again.” Stonn looked at them. “Unless you want to hit one of the explosives. If that is what you truly want, I can make that happen. Either that, or we get on with it. It will take much too long to knock you out individually.”

“Stop.” Spock kept his voice even. “Do not hurt anymore of the humans, and I will go with you.”

“What?” Nyota gasped.

“Spock…” Jim looked at him.

“I will do what you want. I will go with you. Just do not hurt them.” Spock took off his bag and dropped it by his feet. He then held up his hands and stepped forward.

“What are you doing!? Spock, don’t!”

“For you to be safe, I must do what he says.” Spock’s heart pounded inside, but he used every ounce of his control to keep himself from breaking.

“No!”

“Spock, stop!”

Everyone’s panicked voices echoed in the darkness of the cavern. Spock felt as if his heart was breaking, but he could not let Stonn detonate any more explosives.

“You are wasting time!” Spock shook his head. “Stonn’s ability is more powerful than an ordinary Vulcan’s, and Chekov needs help. You must find the exit and get him medical attention.”

“What about you?” Nyota’s voice was brittle.

“I am going with Stonn. I must do this to save you.” Spock stepped towards Stonn, his hands still raised up. Stonn grinned wickedly in satisfaction.

“Spock…” Jim’s voice was hushed, but seemed to cut through the others. “Don’t do this. He’s going…he’s going to kill you.”

“I have to do this. I have to keep you safe.” Spock stopped to turn around and look at Jim.

He could only see the pained look on his face through the beams of light. Spock took a shaky breath and held out his hand. Jim placed his hand in Spock’s.

Spock thought of everything they could have had. It was slowly starting. So slowly, that Spock couldn’t wait any longer. Tonight he’d been planning to cross into Jim’s room –whether on the ship or in the residence hall –and tell him how he wanted to be together again. How they were meant to be together. Spock had wanted to kiss him.

But that was gone again. Just like it was before, but now it was Spock’s doing this time. His insides were crumbling, but he kept his outward composure as he pressed two fingers gently along Jim’s.

Spock heard Jim’s sharp intake of breath just as Stonn grabbed Spock around the upper arm. Spock let go of Jim’s hand and stepped back, feeling Stonn drag him backwards.

“You have to get out of here.” Spock’s voice trembled a fraction. “You must stay safe. I will be alright –“

Spock felt something like electricity surge through his body, locking up every muscle. The last time he’d felt this, Stonn had been on top of him in the martial arts ring. This time it was much worse.

Spock’s whole body was limp. He struggled to keep his eyes open as he watched Stonn drag him back, his boots scrambling over rocks on the floor.

He saw the look on Jim’s face for a split second before he heard the explosive go off. Rocks and rubble rained down over him, and he saw rocks fall to close off their path, preventing him from going back and anyone else from following. He closed his eyes.

-

The explosion was deafening. Jim instinctively fell to the floor, shielding his head as the rocks came down. He felt something hit his leg, but he ignored it, getting back up and going to Chekov. He knew the north path was sealed now, and he couldn’t bear to look at it.

“Is he…?” Sulu was beside him.

“No, he’s not. He just paralyzed him.” Jim pressed his hand to Chekov’s pulse just to make sure. He then picked him up, one arm under his legs and one under his shoulders. “We have to get out of here.”

“Wh-What about Spock?” Nyota was bleeding from somewhere on her head, and dust coated her hair.

“We have to help Chekov now!” Jim snapped. It was his fault. Everything was. If he hadn’t drawn his weapon, they might have all been okay. “McCoy should be down for Saros. We have to get to him. Can you get Saros?” He asked Sek.

“Yes.” Sek stood up, dust and debris raining from his robes.

They all walked towards the way they’d came. Their boots crunched over even more rock and Jim could feel a scratch on his face bleeding.

Sek picked Saros up and they kept down the path. Jim tried to follow the way he and Nyota had come with Spock, but it wasn’t easy to remember with the way his head was pounding.

“This is taking too long. We need help now!”

“Sir…we can try making another exit.” Sulu placed a hand on the wall. “If we find another explosive.”

“These are ancient caverns!” Sek said, struggling to hold the larger Vulcan. “Older than any of us!”

“We have men dying!” Sulu snapped.

“No!” Jim was firm. “That’s too dangerous! It might make things even worse. We need the fastest way. Are you sure you don’t know?” He turned to Sek.

“I –“ Sek looked up ahead and then stopped. “Do you hear that?”

“What?” Jim asked.

Sek struggled to reach his flashlight. Up ahead, Jim could see something running towards them. He felt fear rising until he saw how small it was. It couldn’t be a poisonous lizard. It was too furry.

“Wari!” Sek gasped as the young Sehlat ran up to him. “How did you find us here!? Are the others looking for us?”

Wari sat and looked up at Sek, his tail thumping excitedly on the floor. Despite it all, Jim felt a dry laugh in his throat.

“Does he know the way out?”

“Right.” Sek looked down at him. “Wari, lead us out. _Kakhartausu.”_

Wari gave a growl-like bark and turned to go out. They all jogged to keep up with him and follow him out.

“Uhura, try and contact the medical shuttle. Tell him we’ve got two. You’ll get a better signal out the closer out we get.”

“Yes, Sir.” She reached for her communicator.

After painful minutes that felt much too long, Jim saw light up ahead. It was still night out, but it seemed an entire team was waiting for them with lanterns. He could hear the engine of the medical shuttle a ways away from the cave entrance.

“Get these two in there now!” Jim didn’t stop to feel the cold night air on his skin. He just laid Chekov down in the grass. Sek did the same with Saros.

Two medical officers from the ship and one Vulcan from the research center sprang into action. They put Saros and Chekov on stretchers and took them into the shuttle. McCoy squeezed out from beside them in the door and jumped down onto the ground.

“What the hell happened!?”

Jim didn’t look up at him. He couldn’t even move. He blood trickle down his face but he made no move to wipe it.

Spock was gone. Stonn was going to kill him. Jim had to go back in there now, but the whole place was probably destroyed by now.

“Doctor –“ A nurse from the ship approached. “The Ensign is alive and breathing. The Vulcan’s pulse is shallow but we’re doing what we can for him.”

McCoy gave Jim one last look of concern before following her back to the shuttle. Jim heard the grass shuffle as Nyota and Sulu both sat beside him. Jim looked up at their faces.

“We need your orders.” Sulu said. “How are we going to save Spock?”

 

-

 

When Spock opened his eyes, he felt as if his brain was still not in full control of his body. His limbs took a long moment to start moving. He sat up, experimentally opening and closing his hands,  before looking around.

The room was white all over, with black marks and bolts on the floor as if it had once been full of bolted in furniture that had been removed. There were cracks all over the concrete floor. Windows lined the wall only inches from the ceiling, too tall to look out of. All Spock could see was that it was still night out.

The sound of breathing and shuffling alerted Spock to the fact that he was not alone in the room. He turned to see a woman sitting against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest. She lifted her head and stared at him.

He stared back, taking in her Romulan features. Her dark hair was pulled back in a neat bun, but the dirt on her face and uniform told him she’d been here a while.

“Are you…Saavik?” Spock tried to stand and winced.

“Yes. Lay back down. He used his ability on you, you will be stiff for a while.”

Spock ignored her, getting to his feet completely. He walked over to a black mark on the floor and rubbed the toe of his boot over it.

“Where are we?”

“This is the old cell we kept the specimens in. No one has used it in years. The power to it was completely shut down. I do not know how he got the electronic locks to work.”

Spock closed his eyes and recalled the map of the research center that Tallera had showed them. The former specimen housing was an abandoned building miles away in the woods. Spock started towards the metal door across the room.

“What are you doing? That is not going to work.”

Spock ignored Saavik as he placed his hands on the door. He couldn’t seem to use all of his strength and he let out a growl of frustration as he collapsed against the door.

“I have to get out!”

He never planned on this. He did not want to be trapped here to wait to die. He just wanted to save Jim and the others. Jim… He had to get back to him. It couldn’t be the end.

“We cannot get out.” Saavik sighed. “We are not strong enough, and the doors cannot be opened from this side.”

“But my captain…” Spock slid to the floor, his heart aching as his thought of his T’hy’la.

“You were taken from your crew?” She asked softly. Spock nodded painfully.

“We were looking for you. Sek was worried when you did not return from the fields.”

“Sek…” She glanced down, and Spock saw her lips twitch slightly in an almost-smile. “Saros and I did not mean to get lost.” She looked up at him.

“What happened?”

“We were finishing our work when we heard someone calling for help inside the cavern. I knew there had been a cave-in, so I thought someone had gone in and gotten hurt.”

“You just went in?” Spock asked.

“I had to help them.” She said simply, resting her chin back on her knees.

Spock looked at her for a while before turning away. It was likely Stonn who’d been setting a trap for her. Why didn’t she at least call the other scientists beforehand if she thought someone was in trouble. Spock sighed.

“I need to get out. I need to find Jim.”

“He and Sek are likely looking for us.” She pointed up.

“Not if they did not make it out of the cave.” Spock told her about the explosives and she shook her head.

“He is worse than I thought.”

“Stonn is evil.” Spock said. “He hates hybrids and he hates any Vulcan close with them.”

“You know him, then? I only know he comes from the village where the banished live.”

“I did know him before. Sek and I both went to school with him.” Spock explained their history as he attempted to stretch out his legs. He still felt oddly numb.

“Then that is it.” She shook her head. “He will kill us just like he promised, and it will not even matter if he dies. He would still have won.”

“But it will matter.” Spock said, remembering what Stonn had said. “There have been two more hybrid births on Vulcan alone since my sister. As long as there  is love, he cannot stop our existence.”

“I did not consider that.” She gave him the slightest smile. “You are a very surprising person, Spock. I have never known a Vulcan with such emotion.”

“I have never known such a logical Romulan.” He’d never known a Romulan before at all, but still. “What do we do now?”

“I do not know if Stonn will come back. We just have to rest and save our energy.” She closed her eyes.

Spock had to agree. He doubted that Stonn would ever bring them food or water and he would likely return to kill them. Spock had to find a way to get out before then. Still, he did not think he could reach a peaceful mind state with the way his head was pounding.

He closed his eyes anyways.

 

-

 

Jim leaned against the door of the medical shuttle and watched the monitors. They both showed Chekov and Saros were breathing on their own and had strong heartbeats. They were going to be okay. McCoy didn’t look up from Saros’ bed, so Jim walked back outside.

The other shuttle of officers had just landed. Bags of equipment and weapons were being passed among them. Jim watched Sulu unsheathe a sword and study the blade before covering it.

“Hey.” Jim approached Nyota, who had changed into a uniform with pants and was putting a second phaser on her hip. “How’s your head?”

“Fine. How’s yours?” She looked over at him. He just shrugged.

“I’m…anxious. I wanna get this over with.” What was taking Scotty so long? Jim reached for his communicator and walked a bit away before flipping it open. “Scotty?”

“ _Sir…I’m afraid it’s still not working. We can’t lock onto anyone’s signal, let alone find Spock’s.”_

“Well, you have to keep trying!” Jim felt his heart pounding.

“ _We could reset the thing all the way, but the reboot could take hours. We –“_

Jim hung up on him and shoved the comm into his pocket. What was he supposed to do? Going blindly back into the caves was asking for trouble. Sek was supposed to be helping with the navigation to find where Stonn could have taken Spock, but that seemed to be taking forever.

Jim looked over at Sek, who was crouched over a map with a few of Jim’s navigation officers. Jim hated to think that the one person who could track Spock was also the best navigator…and the one officer out cold because of him.

“Sir, when are we leaving?” Sulu had the sword strapped to his back. “We aren’t waiting for daylight, are we?”

“No.” Jim paced across the grass and realized almost everyone was watching him and waiting on orders. “We have to act fast, but there has to be a way to find to find Spock without wasting time and without triggering any more of Stonn’s explosives.”

“Captain, if I may.” Sek picked up the map and approached. “If Stonn took Saavik and Spock back to one of the villages, they could be miles away.”

“Could be?”

“We don’t know which one Stonn comes from or if he would return to that one. We should split up and send well-equipped parties to each village, and –“

“No.” Jim shook his head. That would take way too long.

“Well, then…what?” Nyota looked at him.

Jim continued to pace. Without the signal to lock onto, they were just lost. This planet was huge and they didn’t know if Stonn had a ship or some way to move them fast. If only he had a way to contact Spock and ask.

“I –“ Jim stopped in his tracks. “I know what to do. I know how to track Spock.”

“What? How?” Nyota’s eyes widened and everyone looked at him.

Jim skimmed over their heads. He needed somewhere quiet and comfortable, but that luxury was out of the question right now. So he just sat down on the grass. He crossed his legs and put his hands on his knees.

“What the –?”

“I need silence.” Jim said. “And don’t look at me.”

There were confused looks passed around and no one moved.

“I said don’t look at me!” Jim snapped. They all scrambled to look away. “Go check your inventory. Just…give me a minute.”

Jim closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Mediating on his own was never as easy as it was with Spock. He could just match their breathing and he already felt safer with Spock there.

As for their link, Jim had no idea how to get to it or to reach out to Spock. It was always done on accident before, and since then, Jim had tried to avoid it at all costs.

“Spock…Spock…I’m reaching out to you. Can you hear me?” Jim mumbled the mantra aloud before switching to just repeating it in his head over and over again.

His mind suddenly burned bright gold behind his eyes, his heart pounding with elation. _Spock?_ Jim saw the link clearly up ahead, and he wasted no time in following it.

_Jim?_

_Spock! Where are you! We have to find you! Do you know where you are?_

_Yes._

An image suddenly faded into Jim’s mind. A map –the same map Tallera had showed them. It focused in on an old building in a thick woods. It was a ways away from where they were now, but Jim would worry about that in a minute.

_Is Saavik with you?_

_Yes._

_Stay put as well as you can. We’re going to find you._

“I know where Spock is!” Jim opened his eyes. All worried whispered conversation between the other officers stopped and they looked at him. He stood up and reached for the map. “Here.”

“Of course…” Sek looked to where Jim circled the building with a pen. “No one has been there since we moved out the old equipment, but it would be able to hold two people. Is Saavik there as well?”

“Yes.” Jim looked up at them. “Let’s go. I’ll give you orders on the way.”

Jim gave one last word to McCoy and told him to keep an eye on the patients. With everyone else, they started towards the woods. Jim shakily checked his phaser and subtly set it to kill.

“When we get there,” Jim projected his voice as Sulu stepped in front and used his sword to cut down vegetation blocking their path through the woods. “Everyone listen to Lieutenant Uhura. She’s going to take you all around the perimeter to make sure there’s no one working with Stonn and to make sure Stonn can’t escape.”

“What about you? What are you going to do?” She pushed forward to walk beside him.

“I’m getting in there and I’m not leaving until I find Spock.”

“Kirk, how did you know where Spock was?” She asked in a whisper. “Are you…?”

“Later.” He said through clenched teeth, shaking his head. He couldn’t talk about this now.

All they could now was keep moving. The path became wider and now there was only the sound of their footsteps as they marched.

 

-

 

“Jim.” Spock opened his eyes and sat up. His body felt fine now, but that was not a good sign. That meant it had been hours since Stonn had knocked him out, and they still hadn’t been found.

But they had a chance now. He never expected to be mentally strong enough to reach their link, but Jim had done it all on his own. Spock could only show him the map and wait.

“What is it?” Saavik lifted her head.

“My Captain.” Spock said, feeling his heart rate increase just slightly. “He…He just contacted me through our bond. He is trying to find us. I showed him where we are.”

“Was that wise?” She narrowed her eyes. “We do not know where Stonn is. He could be out there waiting for them. He could have set traps.”

Spock knew she was right, but he didn’t care. Jim was coming, and together they would be able to get out of here. Spock could not wait to tell Jim the truth about how he felt. Now he was absolutely sure Jim still returned his feelings.

There was a sudden click followed by the screech of metal. Spock turned to see the door opening slowly. Was it Jim? Had they been found?”

“Jim –“

Stonn walked in. Spock felt his heart plummet as the heavy metal door closed loudly. He instinctively pressed himself back into the wall, even though he did not consciously fear Stonn.

“What do you want?” Saavik snapped.

“That is no way to talk to me.” Stonn began walking around the room. “If you are waiting for a rescue, I am afraid you will not get it. No one can penetrate the wall of explosives around the building. It took years to acquire them all, but I assure you, they are quite in good shape.”

“Then are you here to kill us now?” Spock could not keep the anger from his voice.

“There is no satisfaction in your quick deaths. I suppose I am here to…observe you.” He crouched down in front of Spock, and Spock could see how dirty his face was, and how his greasy hair hung in his face.

“Observe what?” Saavik asked, resting her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. “We are not doing anything.”

“Of course you are not.” He grinned. “You would not try a thing against me, not if you do not want to die. You see, as a full Vulcan, I am stronger than either of you. I have more weapons concealed than you would be able to understand, so you will not even try.”

Spock was not sure it was true that Stonn was stronger than either of them. Maybe with his paralysis ability, he had the upper hand, but his strength always seemed to match Spock’s.  And Saavik was actually likely superior to both of them with her Romulan blood.

“What are you observing, then?” Spock’s lip curled in disgust. As illogical as it was, Spock would rather Stonn just leave them here to die than bother them.

“Your half-breed nature means that you do not behave the same way full Vulcans do.” Stonn said as if it were some logical fact. “You are dictated by the same things that dictate humans –emotion.”

“So?” Spock did not think that was fully true, but he was willing to defend it. “Emotion can influence logic to some degree. Humans are not incompetent creatures.”

“Wrong.” Stonn narrowed his eyes. “Humans leech from superior species constantly. They have been leeching from Vulcans since the moment they became warp capable!”

Spock thought back to the famous picture of the Vulcan and human shaking hands at first contact. Humans had been their allies ever since. Earth has helped Vulcan through plenty of things, but of course Stonn’s sense of reality was too warped by bigotry and hatred to understand that.

“Alright.” Spock started impatiently. “So, the humans leech from us. We should stop all contact with them. We will say that is true. What does that have to do with us!?”

“You are the product of that parasitic relationship! Your mother leeched from an influential Vulcan to make you, and your father is a traitor for raising you! You –“ He looked at Saavik. “I do not even know _how_ you came to exist!”

Saavik didn’t say anything. It was like his words meant nothing to her. She and Spock locked eyes for a second to express their mutual annoyance.

“My father loves me. And my sister. Did that ever occur to you?” Spock was getting quite aggravated. Stonn was just wasting his time.

“NO!” Stonn growled, his face twisting. “These emotions are disgusting! True Vulcans would never feel them!”

Stonn reached out and grabbed Spock’s arm. Spock felt his muscles locking up and he tried to pull back out of Stonn’s grip, but he couldn’t. Stonn pulled Spock out onto the floor and crawled on top of him, pinning his arms and legs down with his body.

“Get off of him!” Saavik came closer, but Stonn reached into his robes, pulling out a phaser and firing at her. He hit her in the shoulder and gasped and collapsed, green blood pouring out from between her fingers when she pressed her hand to the wound.

“Get –off!” Spock struggled under Stonn’s weight, but the other Vulcan’s hand still clamped onto his arm, rendering him slowly immobile.

With his free hand, Stonn reached up and touched his fingers to Spock’s psi points. Spock gasped and tried to pulled away, but there was nowhere to go. Spock felt his mind slowly being opened to Stonn’s.

“NO!”

 Spock resisted the meld. Stonn could not see his thoughts without Spock letting him. Yet, despite it, Spock could still feel his mind opening further.

Pure fear and panic began to flow through him. This was unheard of. Melding with another Vulcan by force was against all laws. All moral codes. But a banished Vulcans had no moral codes.

“Yes! Yes! Show me your pathetic emotions!”

Spock gasped and his eyes flew open. Memories of Jim began flooding the link between their minds. Spock closed his eyes again, but there was nothing he could do to stop them.

He could feel cold snow on his nose as he explored the Earth for the first time. Jim laughed as he showed Spock how to use the swings. Summer on Earth was fascinating, and he and Jim huddled in the corn fields and promised each other they’d get married.

Spock waited at the hospital to see his new sister. Spock waiting for spring break to see Jim again. Spock trained every day to get Trensu Kesh’s approval. Spock wondered for ages what to buy Jim for Christmas.

Spock and Jim decorated a tree together. Spock finally gave into his desires and kissed Jim. They spent the night together, fighting the cold from underneath the covers. His body ached as he was forced to realize Stonn was seeing this.

The pain of losing Jim was so strong even in memory that Spock groaned, still trying in vain to pull away. Healing came when Spock found new purpose under Captain Pike. Spock opened and closed his eyes, trying again to close the meld and see Stonn instead of memories of befriending Scotty and Keenser.

Spock finally felt it fading with sharp pain as Stonn pulled back roughly from the meld. Spock opened his eyes to see Stonn still on him, his hand pulled back from Spock’s face. Instead of looking at Spock with rage and hatred, he was just looking down at him with wide eyes and a slight shake of his head. It was as if he didn’t understand anything he’d just seen.

The sound of explosives outside burned sharply in Spock’s sensitive ears. He craned his neck from beneath Stonn to look towards the door. Stonn’s grip on his arm tightened, but Spock still tried to get away. He had no idea if Saavik was alright.

The metal on the door began to spark and burn as a phaser beam sliced against the lock from the other side. Stonn looked up in shock and tried to go towards it. Spock laid limply even at the loss of Stonn’s weight on top of him.

The door opened so hard that it banged against the wall. Jim fired into the room, hitting Stonn in the shoulder when the Vulcan dropped down at the last minute. He hit the floor all the way, but Jim didn’t stop to assess Stonn’s wounds.

Spock was still numb, unable to feel Jim as the human crouched down and pulled him into his lap. Jim wiped blood from Spock’s cheek and Spock looked up at Jim, taking in the blood and dirt from his face as well.

“Ex…Explosion?” Spock could hardly feel his own vocal chords.

“I’m fine. Sulu and the others got blocked out, but they’re going around the back. Stonn won’t escape.”Jim touched Spock’s face.

“Saavik…” Spock tried to crane his neck in her direction.

“Uhura! Sek! She’s in here!” Jim called towards the door.

Spock saw them run in, Sek dropping down to hold Saavik the same way Jim was holding him. Spock saw Nyota eyed Stonn warily, turning to keep her back from facing him with one hand on her phaser.

“Is…he?” Spock started weakly.

“No. He –“ Nyota jumped back as Stonn fired, weakly rising to his feet. Green blood soaked his robes and he looked angrier than Spock could ever recall.

“Why are you here!?” Stonn looked over at Jim, clutching his shoulder. “You could have left this place and kept your pathetic human lives! Why come back here just for one Half-breed Vulcan!?”

“You really don’t understand anything, do you?” Jim shook his head just slightly, still holding Spock in his arms.

Spock had never trained at the same time as Nyota, but it was suddenly evident that she was just as versed in Starfleet’s combat as anyone. She spun on one leg and kicked Stonn with the other. He slammed into her, digging his claws into her.

“Nyota…” Spock gasped as he saw her collapse from Stonn’s touch.

Whether or not Stonn was weakened or it was from her own resilience, Nyota did not go unconscious. She fell on one knee and struggled to stay up, watching Stonn.

“If you will not leave him, then die together!” Stonn rushed towards them. Spock felt fire in his body as Stonn shot him in the arm. Jim’s arms tightened around Spock, shielding him with his own body. Spock squeezed his eyes shut in pain as blood soaked between their bodies.

Spock fought the weakness in his muscles and found the will to move just as Stonn raised his weapon and pointed it between Jim’s eyes.

Spock sat up and reached out. He did not reach for Stonn’s weapon, but instead wrapped his hand around Stonn’s wrist. Spock closed his eyes and took a steady breath, finding the still-open link between their minds from the meld.

Spock then reached back with his injured arm and touched Jim, finding a spot on his leg. The emotion and spark from their touch was the only thing he needed. Stonn froze as Spock fought to push back every ounce of Stonn’s ability back through the psi point in his wrist. Spock opened his eyes and locked gazes with Stonn as the other Vulcan became immobilized.

 _“Jim…”_ Spock tried to reach out to Jim even though he knew it was practically impossible now. He felt light headed from all Stonn had done to him and the blood he was losing from his arm. “ _T’hy’la…I love you.”_

Spock let go as Stonn dropped to his knees. Jim raised his own weapon and shot Stonn straight through the head. Spock then collapsed back against Jim, his eyes closing again.

 

-

 

Spock felt the exact opposite of weightless. It was as if every muscle in his body weighed thousands of pounds. It was so dark and he could not move. He didn’t want to. Couldn’t he just stay in this darkness where he wouldn’t have to move?

“Spock? Spock?”

“Jim?” Spock forced his eyes open, feeling pain surging through all his muscles. He was in a room he didn’t recognize. Jim was sitting on the bed beside him, holding Spock’s hand in his.

“How do you feel?” Jim inched closer.

“…Bad. Where am I?” Spock looked around the room. The curtains were drawn over the window, so Spock couldn’t tell where they were or what time of day it was.

“Residence hall in the research center. You’ve been asleep for a few days, but the healers said you’d be okay.” Jim squeezed his hand. “Bones took a look at you too. He said the healer’s should be able to make sure your arm was still attached.”

“Good.” Spock struggled to lift his limp arm from the bed. In the gown he was wearing, he could see only a faint scar that would fade with treatment. “I like this arm. It has my tattoo.”

“I saw that.” Jim smiled. “When did you get that?”

“Shortly after going aboard the Enterprise. It seemed a better tradition than getting overly inebriated.” Spock looked to the bedside table and Jim handed him the cup of water there.

“That’s, uh, not what I heard.” He chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“I heard –and this might not be true at all, but I heard once on shore leave, you got really drunk and spent the night in jail.” He chuckled.

“That is not…not entirely untrue.” Spock said. Jim laughed and Spock tried to pretend that it was funny, rather than remember the true reason that had happened.

Jim stroked his fingers over Spock’s, and Spock took a moment to assess him. The scratches and dirt from his face were gone, and he wasn’t wearing his uniform. If they’d been here for while, then it seemed Jim had plenty of chance to wash up and change.

“How are you?” Spock asked him.

“Fine. Everyone else is doing better, too. Sek said Saavik lost some blood, but she’ll be okay.”

“Good.” Spock laid back against the pillow. “Stonn?”

“He…uh, died.”

Spock was unsure what to think of that. He remembered somehow being able to turn Stonn’s ability back on him, but afterwards was a blur. Did Jim really kill Stonn to protect Spock?

“I am glad you are safe.” Spock looked at him. “I know it may have been foolish to go with Stonn in the first place, but I had to protect you.”

Spock expected some sort of emotional response. He expected it when Jim dropped his hand and got off the bed. He went to the other side of the room, staring at nothing there.

“I don’t understand. Why…Why did you ever forgive me? I broke your heart. I ruined everything we had!”

“I never blamed you, Jim. Not once.” Spock watched as Jim came back to sit on the very edge of the bed, uncertain. “I was devastated when you left me, but I also began to learn that my life didn’t revolve around our relationship. I was able to find my own path and my own friends. I would have never had to motivation for that had we not split apart. I am not saying it was a good thing. I am simply saying that I understand now it was for the best. It was…for you to get better as well.”

“It didn’t happen so easy for me.” Jim looked away. “I didn’t wanna get better for a while. I just kept remembering every day. I felt like I was getting worse. But Bones didn’t give up on me. He made sure I took my medicine and went to therapy. I honestly couldn’t have gotten better without him.”

“He cares about you. And I am grateful to him for that.” Spock thought about how he and Dr. McCoy would soon have to raise kittens together. He couldn’t think of a better person for that.

“I missed you. I missed you every day we were apart. I started going to school again because I wanted to a job that might take me back to Vulcan so I could see you again. Plus, the classes were fun.”

“Why did you not just come back?”

“I wanted to! But I just…couldn’t. Not after how I left. I didn’t know what you’d say, and I thought maybe…the more time went by, that you’d get over me.”

“Never.” Spock took Jim’s hand again. “You are the only person I could ever love. You are my T’hy’la.”

Jim looked at him in surprise before smiling. He moved to sit beside Spock and laid against the pillows, shifting so their sides were pressed together.

“That sounds nice.” Jim intertwined their fingers. “Like I’ve heard it somewhere before. What does it mean?”

“Soul mate.” Spock whispered.

“I was so afraid I’d lost you, Spock.” Jim said after a moment.

“Never. I will always be beside you.”

Jim rolled onto his side, wrapping his arms around Spock’s waist. Despite his condition, Spock felt more relaxed than he had in a long time. He could fall asleep if he truly wanted to. The weight of Jim and his scent was so much for him.

“That reminds me.” Jim shifted.                “I told everyone I’d let them know when you were up so they could come see you.”

“I do not want to see anyone else right now.” Spock just wanted to bask in the time alone he had with Jim.

“Good. I didn’t really want you to either.” Jim held onto Spock for a while until it grew dark behind the curtains.

Unsurprisingly, there was no television in the guest room they were staying at, but there was a radio. Jim tuned it to a broadcast of Vulcan news and Spock listened to the monotonous voice talk about the High Council’s latest decision.

Spock glanced to the slightly opened bathroom door and sat up. When he tried to get to his feet, he found his muscles still wouldn’t completely obey his brain.

“You need a hand?” Jim looked over.

“I wanted to take a bath.” Spock explained, standing after much effort.

“I can help you.” Jim offered. “Unless…you want a nurse or something.”

“No. I just want you.”

Jim came around and took Spock’s hands. Spock felt somewhat childish as he leaned on Jim and walked into the bathroom. He sat down on the closed toilet as Jim turned on the water.

“Wow, this is way better than the sonic shower.” Jim chuckled.

“I liked the sonic shower.” Spock said. “It is relaxing.”

Jim laughed and poured a liberal amount of soap into the water. Spock recalled every time they’d bathed together in the past. It was like little had changed.

When the tub was full, Spock stood up and struggled to pull the gown from over his head. Jim came over to help and took it off of him. When the fabric was gone from between them, Spock noticed how close their faces were, and how Jim was inches from his bare skin. Jim smiled, his cheeks pink.  

“I…uh, promise not to stare at you.” Jim turned away to drop the gown into the laundry hamper.

“I do not mind at all if you stare at me.” Spock was surprised by his own boldness as took off his shorts and stepped into the water.

The hot water seemed to soak into his bones, easing  his muscles as well. Spock experimentally tried to bend and unbend his elbows as Jim went back into the room and returned with a stack of clothes for Spock, placing them beside a folded towel.

Spock held out one arm and began washing, watching the way the soap coated his tattoo and the scar on his upper arm. After a moment, his pain seemed to return. He let the washcloth slip from his fingers into the water as he slipped further under.

“Do you want me to help you?” Jim leaned over the edge. Spock nodded.

Spock closed his eyes and let Jim wash his shoulders and back. He felt strange inside, as if this was all a dream and he was going to wake up alone, but it wasn’t Jim was really here with him like he always thought about. Jim was really moving to wash his chest, leaning in slightly, their faces closer.

“Did you ever…talk about me? To anyone else, I mean?” Jim asked, moving the warm cloth around Spock’s neck.

“Yes. No. Not by name, but I did mention you. I never told anyone exactly what happened…but they know I loved someone.”

“I told Bones about you.” Jim cradled Spock’s cheek with the cloth. “Not by name, but he knows what happened, and why I was such a wreck for a while. I was just wondering how you’d feel if everyone knew now.”

“You told them?” Spock opened his eyes.

“Sort of. When I found you with our link, everyone was asking how I did it. I didn’t say anything, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they knew now. Especially Uhura.”

“She knows I love a human. I wouldn’t mind if they all knew. Would you?”

“No. Not at all.” Jim smiled. Spock let himself smile back.

Jim handed him a towel and Spock stepped out, drying off. He knew Jim was watching his wet naked body, but he didn’t mind at all. He wanted Jim to notice him. His plans for being alone had not changed despite what happened.

He went to the clothing stack and put on underwear and just an undershirt. He left the long pants and shirt folded, despite the chill in the air. Jim took his hand and Spock found it easier to walk back into the room and sit on the bed.

The radio was now playing soft music with Vulcan lyrics. Jim sat behind him and wrapped both arms around Spock’s middle.

“You’re not cold?”

“No.”

“Then why is your skin all goosebumpy?” Jim trailed his fingers up Spock’s arm and Spock felt what he meant.

“Because you are here with me.”

“You’re really trying to work me up, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

Spock closed his eyes and sighed as he felt Jim’s mouth connect with the back of his neck. His mouth was so hot on Spock’s cold skin. He felt warm lips and touch intercepted by the nip of sharp teeth and he let a soft moan escape his lips.

“I adore you.” Jim whispered against his skin. “I never wanna be apart again. I’m so sorry I—“

“The past does not matter.” Spock let his head fall back, exposing more of his throat. Jim’s mouth latched on harder, sucking a mark into the pale flesh. Spock moaned louder, reaching back with some difficulty to fist fingers into Jim’s hair. “We are here together now.”

“I was so stupid. The second I saw you again on the ship, I should have just grabbed you and kissed you.” Jim slipped his hands under Spock’s shirt.

“That would have been interesting.” Spock smiled. “I would have…loved that. I was so happy to see you again. I thought you looked so beautiful.”

“You looked so hot.” Jim stroked his fingers over Spock’s stomach and chest as his mouth travelled up, his tongue finding Spock’s ear. “I tried not to stare at you…but…”

“I always stared at you.” Spock tightened his grip on Jim’s hair. “I was sure you noticed the way I stared at you every day on the bridge.”

“I thought it was just my imagination.” He smirked.

“I was sure you heard me…every night.” Spock’s breath began to shake.

“Heard you what?” Jim’s hands slowed over his chest.

“T-Thinking about you…I was alone…” Spock felt himself blushing.

“N-No, I never –did…did you _want_ me to hear you?” He breathed in Spock’s ear. Spock was not sure how to answer that. Jim chuckled.

Spock turned around, letting his arms wrap around Jim’s neck as he straddled Jim’s lap. He brought his face close to Jim’s, resting their foreheads together.

“How do you feel?” Jim’s arms went around him.

“Fine.” Spock ignored the fact that his extremities still felt somewhat stiff and there was still a sore spot on his arm.

“Do you want some water or anything?”

“I just want you.”

 Spock finally leaned in and pressed their lips together. Jim’s mouth felt so warm on his and he eagerly pried against Jim’s tongue with his own. He pressed his hips firmly against Jim’s, rubbing their bodies together.

“Aren’t you sore?” Jim asked between kisses.

“No.”

“Stiff?”

“No, no. I need you.” Spock gripped the front of Jim’s shirt and tried to pull it off of him. Jim chuckled and went to help, pulling it off over his head and tossed it onto the floor. “Perfect.”

Spock touched the dark flecks of birds along Jim’s collar bone, his fingers then trailing around to Jim’s other markings, pausing over the occasional scar.

“Well, I do try to stick to my workout routine.” Jim smiled when Spock’s hands wandered to his arms. Jim lightly pulled at Spock’s shirt, and Spock let him pull it off over his head and drop it wherever. Spock began to shiver as Jim touched his body,  feeling his muscles tense just slightly. “You should lay down.”

Spock nodded and laid back, letting his head touch the pillows and pulling Jim on top of him. Jim smiled and leaned down to kiss Spock’s neck again. Spock shivered again and tried to reach for Jim’s pants. He let his hands press against Jim through the fabric before he pulled at the button and zipper.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna slow down?” Jim asked, and Spock could feel his smile against the skin of his neck.

“Yes. I am sure.” Spock successfully undid the button and zipper on Jim’s pants and tried to pull them down.

Jim helped him, pulling down his underwear as well and letting the bundles of fabric fall somewhere onto the floor. Spock leaned up to see Jim’s entire body, admiring his beauty. It was like he could feel his mouth watering hungrily at the sight of Jim.

Deciding it could wait just a bit longer, Spock pushed against Jim’s shoulders. Jim seemed to understand and without wanting Spock to strain himself further, he rolled over and switched their places.

With Jim laying down, Spock tried to take every opportunity to worship his body. Spock started with kissing him deep and slowly, letting his tongue trace all throughout the wet cavern of his mouth. Jim moaned in appreciation and Spock struggled to stay in control and go slow.

He broke the kiss and went for Jim’s neck, gently latching onto the skin before sucking. Jim arched his back, pressing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck. Spock let his sharp teeth poke gently at his flesh.

“H-Hey, I wanted to do that to you, too.” Jim moaned as Spock kept going. Spock reached down for Jim’s hand and pressed their fingers together.

When Spock put his mouth on Jim’s nipples, Jim moaned again. Spock felt his hand leave Spock’s and twist into the sheets. Spock knew that was Jim’s favorite, so he tried to spend time there, even though his body ached to keep going.

“Spock… God. Love you.” Jim breathed as Spock moved across his chest, letting his tongue and fingers tease him.

“I adore you.” Spock whispered before going lower.

Spock had never actually done this, but he wanted to now more than ever. He leaned down and let the tip of his tongue glide over the head of Jim’s erection. Jim gasped as Spock went lower, letting his whole mouth take him in.

Feeling Jim brush the back of his throat and leave the taste there made Spock’s whole body tremble. He hadn’t even been touched yet, and he was suddenly achingly aware of that. He could feel wetness against his underwear as his own hardness strained there.

“Spock, I’m not gonna last like this.” Jim’s fingers tangled in Spock’s hair. Spock stalled slightly, moving up and down his length. As much as Spock wanted Jim’s seed down his throat, he wanted it inside other places more.

Spock pulled off of him, leaving a trail of saliva from his lips. Jim was panting, his hips writhing. He gave Spock the same mischievous smirk he’d fallen in love with, before he asked Spock to take his place.

Spock laid back and Jim climbed on top of him, kissing him again. Spock kissed back fiercely, letting his teeth nip at Jim’s lips, while his hands roamed back to grope his bottom.

He lifted his hips as Jim finally pulled his underwear off. Spock felt burning hot as Jim touched him. Spock reached for Jim’s face, cradling him with both hands before kissing him deeper.

“Need you…inside me.” Spock breathed.

He could Jim’s breath hitch in his throat. He gently pulled back before pressing his face into the crook of Spock’s neck. Spock resisted the urge to rock his hips into where Jim was gently holding his erection.

“Are you sure? We haven’t… I mean, we don’t even have any…”

“Did you get my bag from the shuttle?” Spock asked. It seemed to take Jim a moment to realize what he was asking.

“Yeah, why?”

Spock sat up and Jim fetched the bag from atop the table in the corner. Spock fished through uniforms and his PADD before finding the bottle. Jim gave him a dirty look before pushing him back down onto the bed and grabbing it from him.

“Why do you have this?” He whispered in Spock’s ear as he uncapped it.

“Just in case. I planned on seducing you after we had dinner with the scientists.”

“That’s hot.”

Jim laughed and kissed Spock again. Spock moaned and felt Jim spreading his legs. Spock kept one hand on Jim’s face as Jim pushed a finger into him. Spock moaned louder before remembering they weren’t alone in the building.

“I need you.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s shoulders as Jim stretched him with one finger.

“Shh. Just relax.” Jim whispered. 

“Please hurry.” Spock wrapped his legs around Jim’s waist. “I promise you will not hurt me. I need you now. Please, Jim.”

“Okay, Baby.”

Spock felt Jim’s finger leave him. He felt Jim slick himself and press himself against Spock’s entrance. Spock suppressed a loud moan and arched his back.

“Yes, please.” Spock felt Jim push into him. It burned amazing through his whole body. Spock let out a loud moan and reached to place his hands on Jim’s psi points.

“Yes, connect us.” Jim began thrusting slowly into him and Spock already felt close.

Spock’s body trembled. Despite how lovingly tender Jim was  being, Spock couldn’t help but remember what Stonn had done to him. Spock could suddenly feel Stonn’s hands on his face and his weight on his body. Spock tried to shake it, pressed his face up into Jim’s neck.

“I’ve got you, Baby. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Jim whispered. Spock suddenly felt tears in his eyes and he wasn’t sure why. They’d been having such a good time.

“I-I’m sorry.” Spock whispered, a choking sob muffled into Jim’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Everything’s okay. I’ve got you.” Jim kissed the side of his face. “Do you want to stop?”

“N-No.” Spock needed to get through this. Everything would be better if they connected. “I need…my mind…”

Jim let Spock connect to his psi points again as he finished the mantra. Immediately, Spock felt bright gold streaming through his body. He could see Jim’s mind and memories. Feelings of fear and inadequacy faded to joy and love –the strongest emotion of all. Spock just hoped Jim could feel how mutual that love and joy was.

Spock felt his release building as he arched his back and Jim changed angles, hitting deep inside him. Jim could feel it through their bond as well and reached down to take Spock in his hand and stroke him.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Spock felt his seed coating their bodies as he came. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth in a silent moan as his body filled with pleasure. Jim didn’t stop and Spock could then feel Jim coming inside of him.

Jim collapsed down on top of him for a moment as they gasped and panted. Spock could feel beads of the human’s sweat fall onto his skin. Jim sat up, trying to take his weight off of Spock. Spock reached for Jim’s hand.

It was still covered in Spock’s seed. Spock locked eyes with Jim and lifted the human’s hand to his mouth. He let his tongue move over it, licking up the fluid. Jim shuddered.

“You’re so amazing.” Jim whispered.

“Lay with me.” Spock rolled over on his side and Jim laid beside him. Spock covered them both with the blanket and closed his eyes.

“Are you falling asleep already?” Jim laughed

“Would that bother you?”

“No.”

Spock heard Jim get out bed and gather their clothes. He reluctantly lifted his arms and shifted his legs so that Jim could put them back on him. Jim then turned the radio back on and climbed in beside him again.

“Do you mind? I like the noise.”

“Not at all.” Spock reached for his hand.

The soft instrumental lute music lulled Spock into a peaceful state. As did the human beside him. He could feel their link stronger than it had ever been before, both from melding and their current emotional connection.

“Spock?”

“Hm?” Spock didn’t open his eyes.

“…Never mind. I’ll ask later. We should get some sleep.”

Spock didn’t get a chance to wonder what it was before he fell asleep. It was the first time sharing the bed with the man he loved in years. Spock had never slept this well.

 

Spock felt well rested the next day but did not feel like leaving the room until the following afternoon. He felt well enough to walk, but Jim still helped him bath and change into clean clothes before they left.

Down in the dining hall, Spock saw everyone was waiting for him. It was hard to believe what they’d all gone through just days ago, as they all looked fine now.

Nyota hugged Spock tight and told him how glad she was that he was alright. Chekov could walk on his own as well, despite taking the full of Stonn’s ability.

When Spock saw Keenser, even the tiny alien seemed to have been quite worried. He hugged Spock’s leg the same way he did with Scotty and Spock didn’t try and suppress his smile.

No one commented on the fact that he and Jim seemed joined at the hip. Jim pulled his chair out for him and practically kept their hands linked. Spock also knew he kept gazing adoringly at Jim, but he couldn’t make himself stop.

“We really should get out of your hair soon.” Jim said to Tallera after dinner. “I’m sure you all have work to get back to.”

“We owe you quite a debt. We cannot let you leave until you are paid in rest. Please stay for a bit longer. It is only logical.”

Spock took the extra days of rest to visit Saavik’s specimen lab. She was completely recovered as well, and it was fascinating to see her in action. She lectured him about the creatures and Spock offered to show her a creature as well.

“That is a fat feline.” She peered at Ko-elki in her bed. The transported had been fixed, allowing Spock to take Saavik on board the ship and show her everything he could. He also knew this meant they were all going to leave soon.

“She is pregnant.”

“Saavik means little cat in Romulan. I have never actually seen a cat that little.” She smiled and scratched Ko-elki’s chin.

“Let me give you one.” Spock said instantly.

“Pardon?”

“One of the kittens. There is going to be a whole litter, and I cannot keep them all. I cannot think of someone better to care for one.”

“Oh, Spock, really?” She blinked in surprise. “I…would like that, I think.”

“Then I will make sure to save one for you.”

“I wish I could repay you with something.”

“Human’s show affection and appreciation a certain way. Would you like to learn it?”

“Hugging is not that foreign, Spock.”

She pulled him into a hug, and Spock took a moment to realize they’d now not only be connected by their hybrid natures and their experience in the abandoned lab, but with their pets as well.

 

“Sucks to be leaving. The plants here are so cool, and the food is actually pretty good. Who knew Vulcans could cook so well?” Sulu gazed out at the T’Kuht sunset.

“I did.” Spock nodded. “But are you not eager to get back to work?”

“Not really.” He laughed. “Well, actually, I am. I miss being behind the helm where everything is safe…for a little while, at least.”

Spock nodded. The risk and adventure was part of the job, but Spock too enjoyed the quiet bridge moments too.

“Hey, sorry if I ever came off as a complete idiot.” Sulu glanced over.

“Pardon?”

“I noticed you had a thing for him, and I should have just shut up, but I had to stick my nose in for some reason. I’m always doing that with other people’s love lives. It was really none of my business, what you had with him.”

“It was not, but that was only because I was unsure if we would ever have it again. Jim and I have known each other since we were children and promised to get married when we were eight years old. I should have known things were going to change when we got older.”

“But you never stopped loving him.”

“No. I did not. But I could not have made it through our time apart if I did not find my own way and make my own friends. So, thank you, Hikaru.”

“Aw, it wasn’t really me. Scotty made us be nice to you.” Sulu laughed and Spock smiled.

“Time to go.” Jim came up beside Spock and slipped his hand in Spock’s.

“Back to the grind.”

Sulu walked off towards Chekov and Uhura and Spock looked at Jim. They smiled and held each other’s gazes even as the transporter beamed encompassed them.

“Now, hold on just a minute!” McCoy growled the moment they were back on the ship. “No one’s getting back to any work until I check them out!”

“Hello, Doctor.” Spock said. McCoy just came forward.

“Let me see it. The scar.”

“Oh.” Spock pushed up his shirt leave and held out his arm. McCoy’s eyes passed over Spock’s tattoo before settling on his scar.

“Hm. Okay, it’s not as bad as I thought. Those Vulcan healers did a pretty good job.”

“Told ya’.” Jim stepped down from the transported pad and tried to start for the door, but McCoy blocked his path and started ranting about Jim’s injuries.

 

Spock unpacked the last of his things in his room before changing into his uniform. There was only going to be a short shift for Jim to give them information about their next destination and then they’d retire for the evening. Spock wondered how much work he had to make up and how it was all just waiting for him in the labs.

“Okay, so, listen up guys.” Jim kept rocking back and forth from where he stood beside the captain’s chair. Spock eyed him with confusion and noticed everyone else seemed to be staring at Jim with a either a smile or like they were trying not to smile. Scotty, Keenser and Dr. McCoy were even watching and Spock could not think of why they would be on the bridge. “So, our next ‘Fleet approved destination is only about ten hours away…”

“Ten hours?” Spock looked at his console and then back to Jim. “Captain, the only planet of that proximity to T’Kuht is Vulcan.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Jim kept smiling at him. Spock felt as if everyone else was staring at him as well.

“Why are we going to Vulcan?”

Spock wracked his brain for any sort of reason. It wasn’t as if they needed to retrieve supplies they didn’t already have. All issues with the transporter were fixed as far as Spock knew, and there was nothing else he could think of.

“Spock, come here for a second.”

“Yes?”

Spock stepped towards Jim, trying to mask his utter confusion by keeping his posture completely rigid, with his hands behind back as always.

“So, I –I was really freaking out about how I should go about doing this, and somehow these guys convinced me I should just do it here on the bridge in front of everyone.”

Jim held out his hand. Spock glanced over Jim’s shoulder at everyone else before placing his hand in Jim’s. The contact was so warm and Spock felt his heart begin beating faster.

 “After we split apart, Spock, I thought I’d eventually be okay again. I then realized I’d never be okay if I didn’t have you in my life. After we saw each other again, I thought maybe you actually felt the same way as I do…but I actually want to hear it from you.”

Spock could feel elation through their mental bond through their physical contact. He then realized he wasn’t shielding very well. He could also feel a burst of nerves from Jim as the human covered Spock’s hand with his other one before dropping down onto one knee.

“Spock,” Jim looked up at him with shining eyes. “Will you marry me?”

There was a collective gasp from the other crewmembers, but Spock could not look at them. He felt as if his heart was going to burst from his side. He could feel himself blushing harder than ever before, but there was not enough control in all of his Vulcan biology to keep himself from cracking a smile.

“M-Marry you?”

“Yeah! When we get to Vulcan! We can do it outside, or inside, or however you want. We can do all of the traditions! Or none of them! It’s all up to you. I made you a promise, didn’t I?” Jim grinned, tears in his eyes. “So, what’s your answer?”

“I –Of course. Yes. Yes, Jim.” Spock felt tears in his own eyes. “Yes, I will marry you.”

“Yes!” Jim jumped up and wrapped his arms around Spock.

There were collective gasps and cheers from the other officers, but Spock paid them no mind. He could only feel Jim and smell his scent as he held the human tight, determined to never let him go.

“I love you, Spock.” Jim whispered so that only Spock could hear him over the sound of other voices.

“ _Taluhk nash-veh k'dular_.”  Spock sighed in absolute contentment.

 

 

Spock did not know that he had so much vacation time accumulated until Jim told him about the month they’d be spending duty free on Vulcan. Spock was certain that Jim had to pull strings with Pike for it. Either that or Starfleet felt they deserved it after what had happened.

Spock had never planned a bonding ceremony and he was somewhat relieved when Jim assured him that he would take care of everything.

They were staying in a large hotel in the same city as Spock’s parents, so Spock got to spend time with his family while Jim was off making sure the day would be special.

“Your hair has gotten longer.” Spock placed a hand on Sanara’s head as they ate lunch outside in his parent’s backyard.

“Asil likes it short, so I am going to cut it again soon.” She shrugged.

“You do not have to have it that way just because she likes it.”

“I like it that way, too. It just gets in the way otherwise. Maybe I will cut it tonight so Mother does not make me do it some elaborate way for your ceremony.”

“We are not having anything elaborate. I could just make you a crown out of flowers to wear.”

“That sounds…nice. Oh, I was going to ask you; do you like wearing pants instead of robes?”

“That is an odd question.” He couldn’t help but smile.

“I was just wondering because I will wear them too if I become a Starfleet captain.” She shrugged.

“Is that what you want to do?” He asked in surprised.

“Well, perhaps Asil can be the captain. She is quite bossy. I will just make sure to do what she says.” Sanara smiled as if she were already imagining it. “Oh, did you know Mother told Father she wants _another_ baby because I am grown?”

“Thirteen is not very grown.” Spock said. “But if they do have another baby, it could be very nice. I would enjoy another sibling, and Vulcan needs more hybrids.”

“We are the only ones.”

“Well, the only Vulcan-Human ones. I met a Romulan one.”

“Spock, why are you lying?”

“I am not lying. She was a Romulan-Vulcan Hybrid. Her name is Saavik.”

“Liar.”

“I am not lying.”

“Liar.”

Their bickering lasted until Amanda came out to give them juice. Spock took a glass from her and narrowed his eyes as he looked at his mother, trying to assess if she was any heavier.

“My baby boy.” Amanda ruffled Spock’s hair.  

“Your only one for now.” Spock whispered.

“Oh, Lord.” Amanda laughed. “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

 

When Spock returned to their hotel room that night, Jim assured him that everything was taken care of. Spock did not know how Jim managed to meet with Vulcan Elders for planning it all by himself, but he didn’t question it.

“Oh, close your eyes!” Jim said, covering his own.

“What…Why?” Spock obeyed.

“It’s bad luck for the couple to see each other on the day of before the ceremony, and it’s technically the day of since it’s just past midnight.”

“Oh.” Spock felt out blindly for Jim’s hand. “Well, I will just keep my eyes closed the entire time, then.”

“The what –Ah.” Jim gasped as Spock pulled him in for a kiss and then began pulling off his shirt. “This is bad luck too, I think.”

“Then I will stop.” Spock paused, his lips ghosting over the skin of Jim’s neck. He’d really wanted to leave a mark there for people to see tomorrow.

“N-No, please don’t stop.” Jim laughed, his voice thick with pleasure.

Spock smiled in his triumph.

 

It seemed that Spock was right to trust his parents with invitations. With Sarek’s influence, it seems every important Vulcan was able to make attendance. Spock tried to greet them all and take their cloaks, as it seemed everyone else from the ship had some job in decorating or food.

“No, let me do that.” Nyota took Romar’s cloak from him.

“I need to do something. I am quite…ansty.” He admitted before checking the chronometer for the hundredth time.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” She asked.

“That should only take a few minutes.” It was not time yet.

“Then, why do you have a whole crew to help you.” She smirked and nodded to someone behind him.

Spock turned to see Sanara, Asil, and T’Pring. He couldn’t help but smile as he went to greet his best friend.

“It is very good to see you, but I hardly need all of you to help me.” He knew his sister didn’t even like fashion.

“T’Pring said she would let me watch her do your makeup.”

“I can do my own makeup.”

Spock’s protest seemed to be in vain. He followed them to a room in the temple where they waited for him to change into the ceremonial robes. They were nicer than any robes he’d ever worn before, and Spock could not help but admire his reflection while also wonder how Jim looked right now.

They all then filed in and watched Spock do his makeup. There was very little that could be done with his hair, but that did not stop them from trying.

“I must go to my seating.” T’Pring said as the time drew nearer. “My date is waiting. He is a very important Professor at the Science Academy.”

Spock nodded and urged his sister and sister-in-law out of the room as well. He turned back towards the mirror over the basin in the tiny room and examined his reflection. He then closed his eyes. He could sense Jim with little issue.

_I cannot wait to see you. I am excited to be your husband._

_Same here, Babe. You ready for this?_

_Yes._

Spock opened his eyes, suppressed his grin, and walked out.

 

Spock and Jim approached each other from across the long room in the temple. The ceremony was only to be witnessed by family members, while the rest of the guests waited at the location of the reception. Spock and Jim bent these rules, meaning the room was packed.

The guests were silent as Jim and Spock met in the center and joined hands. Jim couldn’t stop smiling and Spock couldn’t take his eyes off how beautiful Jim looked. His ornate gold-trimmed robes were white instead of black like Spock’s, and Spock noticed the high collar just hid the fang marks Spock had left in his neck.

They sat down across from each other, their knees touching. Elder T’Pau stood over them and began the ceremony. Spock tried to listen and be patient, but all he could think about was Jim. The sudden ringing of the ceremonial gong startled them both and reminded Spock he was supposed to answer the Elder’s questions.

“Spock, do you promise to honor your Bond-mate in all ways until you part from this world in death?”

“I do.” Spock nodded.

“James, do you promise to honor your Bond-mate in all ways until you part from this world in death?”

“I promise.” Jim smiled and squeezed Spock’s hands.

“This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul –this is our way. I pronounce these two souls bonded for life.” She reached down and placed a hand against each other their faces.

Spock felt her melding with him, and after an instinctive pull-back, he let her in. He felt no traces of her as she brought forward the link with Jim. It seemed to burn deeper and brighter for a moment, then she pulled back.

It was as if it wasn’t over. Spock could feel Jim clearly in his head and seemed to sense Jim’s own surprise and elation. They locked eyes and Jim laughed. Even Spock smiled.

 Jim leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. This was not really part of the ceremony, and Spock could hear by other Vulcans’ reactions that they were not expecting it. Spock smiled into the kiss and reached down to touch fingers with Jim. That alone was a bit much.

Spock felt light for the rest of the day. He and Jim held hands throughout the entire reception and were never apart. Spock tried to greet everyone without having to let go of Jim.

He greeted T’Pring and her date Subek. T’Pring kept stressing what an important professor he was and Spock and Jim kept conversing in their heads about how important they knew that was to her.

Spock spotted his father’s colleague T’Vel and her son Kesh nearby. As they approached, Kesh bowed in Spock’s direction.

“Commander.” He greeted.

“Trensu.” Spock bowed back respectfully. He then felt Jim squeeze his hand extra tight. Spock tried not to think Jim’s jealousy over Spock’s old crush was adorable.

“Your place doesn’t have a ramp, does it?”

“Admiral.” Spock turned at the familiar voice and smiled.

“Uncle Pike!”Jim grinned. “I didn’t think you’d make it.”

“I almost didn’t. Sorry, I missed the ceremony. I’m sure it was great.”

“Wasn’t too long, at least.” Jim shrugged. “Where’s Number One?”

“Una couldn’t leave her command, but she sends her love. Your mother does as well, and this.” He handed Jim something in a paper bag.

“Hm…fruit cake.” Jim peered inside. “I don’t know what to say. I wonder if she forgot what the occasion was and assumed Christmas. Still no excuse for this.”

“I like fruit cake.” Spock offered.

“No, you don’t, Babe. Still, it’s something.” Jim put the bag of cake on a nearby table.

“I wasn’t kidding about the ramp.” Pike said sheepishly.

“Oh, here, let me.” Jim went around behind Pike’s wheelchair. “Scotty, give me a hand over here!”

“Aye!” Scotty abandoned trying to get drunk on Vulcan grape juice and got the door.

The other crewmembers seemed to get wind of Pike’s arrival and came to say hello. Spock took this opportunity to step away from the crowd.

“Overwhelming?” McCoy approached Spock.

“Somewhat.” Spock nodded.

“You’re just waiting for it to be over so you can quit talking to so many people you barely know.”

“You seem to speak from experience.” Spock observed.

“Eh, I was married once. Mine didn’t last, though. Yours will. He really loves you, more than anything, you know. I don’t know why I never caught on that you were the guy he was in love with.”

“What would you have said?” Spock asked, genuinely curious.

“I would have asked you to hurry up and make a move. Or forced him to. Something. You guys seem perfect for each other.”

“I promise to take good care of him.”

“Then I officially relinquish the caretaker duties for Jim Kirk to you.” McCoy patted his shoulder and smiled.

The social gathering died down when most of the guests went home. Soon, all that was left was the crew members, Spock’s family, and a few friends. Spock noticed Sanara seemed very interested in talking to Scotty and Keenser. Sarek had told him Sarana’s interest in engineering peaked when she fixed Sarek’s car.

“Maybe she’ll be on our ship one day.” Jim chuckled.

Vulcans didn’t really dance, so Spock stayed on the sidelines for the first few songs when Jim turned on the music. Jim then pulled him in for their first slow dance and Spock had to struggle to keep his hands in appropriate places.

It was easier when he danced with T’Pring or stood by his father when Jim danced with Amanda. Spock was quite grateful his parents didn’t seem to hold anything against Jim for what happened in the past.

“Humans offer us so much that Vulcans rarely come by.” Sarek said, sipping Vulcan port. “Never forget that, Spock. It is an honor to be loved by a Human.”

 

Spock and Jim did not leave the honeymoon suite of their hotel for days afterwards. Spock was glad for the large tub in the bathroom that could fit them both, because it seemed no matter how much time they spent in it, they just kept getting dirty again.

Their vacation time finally came to an end just as Spock was sure Jim was going to develop a permanent kink in his back from all of the physical activity. But Jim had one last activity in mind before they boarded the ship.

Spock finally stepped off the transport pad and reached up to his side, placing his hand over his own heartbeat and touching the tattoo he had. _T’hy’la_ in Vulcan calligraphy perfectly matched the one Jim had over his own heart.

 

“Jim! Jim, wake up.” Spock woke up in the middle of the night a few weeks later. Jim mumbled in his sleep and rolled over. Spock felt around under the covers for his clothes before trying Jim again. “Jim, it’s time.”

“What time?” He sat up, his voice groggy.

“Ko-elki is in labor.” Spock said.

Jim jumped up and pulled on clothes while Spock called McCoy. The three of them sat on the floor of Jim and Spock’s shared quarters and tried to help Ko-elki as best they could. Jim kept looking away or pressing his face into Spock’s shoulder.

“Four.” McCoy finally announced. “Four kittens.”

“They are so small!” Spock gasped.

“Reminds me of when we found Ko-elki in my barn, and you didn’t want to give her up.” Jim chuckled.

“I found her, so I got to keep her.” Spock still felt it was fair. Jim laughed.

“That one.” Spock pointed instantly to a black-and-white one. It was the only one that had inherited its mother’s bobbed tail. “That one is hers.”

“Alright, so one for Ny’s dad, one for Chekov, one for Evans, and that one for Saavik.” Jim smiled. “Worked out nice.”

“It’ll be a while before they can leave their mother.” McCoy reminded them. “About eight weeks.”

“It’ll probably be that long before we can go back to T’Kuht anyways.” Jim said. “Since we used up all our leisure time. Well, maybe if we bend the truth and say we’ve got precious cargo…”

“Jim!”

“What, they are precious, aren’t they?” Jim reached for Spock’s hand. Spock couldn’t help but smile at his husband.

 

Work was more or less the same. Spock obeyed Jim’s order with little questioning and they only used their ranks on the bridge and never their names when they could help it.

Spock still stuck to the work schedule that allowed him plenty of time to stare at Jim during it. Jim took notice and said a variety of things to Spock through their bond. Spock had never been more grateful for his Vulcan control.

“Hey, you guys.” Nyota stopped by their quarters after shift one day. “I was just going down to engineering. We’re all gonna play poker. Want in?” She asked and held up a new bag of skittles.

“I have many reports to finish –“ Spock started.

“We’d love to.” Jim interjected and linked arms with Spock before giving him an apologetic glance. “Live a little, Babe.”

“If you insist, Ashayam.” Spock gave in. Jim began to lead him out after her, but Spock stopped, letting Jim’s arm unloop from his. “Just a moment. I will catch up with you.”

“Okay.” Jim gave him a kiss before leaving.

Spock sighed in contentment and looked around their quarters. The specially ordered large bed and kitchen unit was not all that made Spock happy here.

He walked around the living area and smiled as he looked at the trinket collection they’d made from their combined piles of treasures from various planets. Photos also showed moments in their past –some even that Spock had taken over a decade ago and finally got framed.

The one of a young Jim and Rosie the cow was the first photo Jim had ever sent him. Spock smiled and picked up the picture before placing it back on the shelf by the photo of Sanara and Asil with their newest hermit crab hatchling.

The mewling from the corner reminded Spock to check on the kittens. The all seemed to be perfectly healthy and just learning to toddle.

“Spock?” Jim appeared in the doorway. “What’s up? We’re all waiting on you.”

“Nothing.” Spock turned around and smiled. “I was just thinking about how happy I am.”

“I’m happy too.” Jim crossed the room and kissed him. “You still gonna be as happy when I kick your butt at cards?”

“We will find out…when I kick your butt.”

Jim laughed and took Spock by the hand. Spock paused by the door to lower the lights before they left. As they started down the hall, Spock smiled again.

He was not just following Jim. They were walking together, equals at the same pace. It had not been so easy to get there, but they were never going to change their paces.

Jim was always going to be by his side and Spock was going to do the same, because that is what they promised. They shall always belong to each other.

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. okay. it took me seven months to write this.
> 
> im so happy to get it out there and also to finally be done. it's just ive had the whole thing plotted and replotted in notebooks and my phone notes and so it felt like i already wrote it 789 times and i just wanted to be done...lol
> 
> thank you so so sosososo much to every person who read this and commented or left kudos. y'all are the real mvps and i wish i had kittens for everyone!!! 
> 
> i'm gonna go immediately start another multichap fic (but for a different fandom/ship!)
> 
> also PLEASE comment and tell me what you thought! you should also please follow me on tumblr! @frappuccinio

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like this! it's basically just my excuse to stick them in cute ass situations as they grow up together! <3
> 
> please like/review and you can follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio :-)


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